"Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, this time I think we go through the middle ... hike"	(5)
		Browns DB arrested after quarter-mile footchase. Bengals immediatly sign arresting officer to a two-year contract	(6)
		Red Sox get swept, promptly blame foreign currency	(45)
(Physorg.com)		Ibuprofen is the new juice	(21)
		Patrick Ewing will find out Monday if he is elected to the Hall of Fame. No asterisks needed	(27)
		The Yankees are finding out this Joba-Mariano bridge is pretty awesome	(28)
(Some Guy)		The history of the first Louisville Slugger	(4)
		Female basketball analyst, who thinks Kobe is better than Jordan was, thinks MVP race is a sham if Chris Paul doesn't win	(20)
		Devolder wins Tour De Flan-diddly-anders	(7)
(Some Puckhead)		MON/BOS, PIT/OTT, WAS/PHI, NJ/NYR || DET/NAS, SJ/CAL, MIN/COL, ANA/DAL. Welcome to Fark's NHL playoff preview discussion thread	(53)
		Former Man U tough guy Roy Keane reveals his emo side	(9)
		Red Wings do what Red Wings do, winning fourth Presidents Trophy in six seasons	(39)
		Yao Ming seeks advice from traditional Chinese medicine experts to aid the recovery of his injured foot. Hopefully the NBA has no rules against using whale semen and yak blood as a topical salve	(20)
		Cricket taking America by storm. *chirp, chirp*	(36)
		Half a bee swarm attacks half a group of half-marathon runners named Eric	(19)
		High School track star, who has auditory neuropathy, lands spot on the US Deaf Soccer team. In other news, there is a US Deaf Soccer team	(20)
(Some Guy)		Leafs miss playoff for third straight year by losing to Montreal Canadiens 3-1 in last regular season game. The Stanley Cup parade in Toronto will go around the 18th green and end at the clubhouse once again	(37)
(Some Guy)		Caps make playoffs, Dewey defeats Truman	(48)
		Kansas Jayhawks will meet the Memphis Tigers in the NCAA Championship Game	(67)
		Caption this bevy of blitzed Brewers backers	(62)
		Woman claims Michael Jordan is so powerful he can father a child that doesn't share his genetic material	(35)

(NBC Sports)		Kosuke Fukudome has decided to answer the criticism of his age and pricetag by hitting .500	(53)
(NBC Sports)		Eli Manning set to wed later this month. The bride to be is his college sweetheart Grabby McMoney. I'm sorry, Abby McGrew	(43)
		NCAA Final Four discussion thread: Kansas-UNC. Memphis-UCLA. Link goes to picture of Monday night's winner	(586)
		Take note, Barry Bonds: Tammy Thomas convicted of three counts of perjury in first BALCO case to go to a jury. With "that's a man, baby" pic goodness	(30)
		You take the man out of the suck, but can you take the suck out of the man? Duke athletic director leaves to become LSU's AD	(4)
(Some Seminole)		Florida State employs the editing technique favored by fascist regimes everywhere: kill the messenger	(9)
		Things you didn't know about the Olympics #1337: Hitler invented the Olympic Torch ceremony	(36)
		Barack Obama and John McCain are running neck-and-neck... when it comes to NCAA picks	(6)
		Ah, the first Power Rankings of the baseball season. Apparently being 0-4 earns you third best in the league	(36)
		Arsenal-Liverpool 2: Electric Boogaloo and rest of the EPL action this Saturday. It's the official Premier League discussion thread	(58)
		Tampa Bay grabs a share of first place in the AL East by pwning the Yankees 13-4. Yankees fans can try to defend Ian Kennedy to the right	(81)
		Soccer player loses his mind and scores a GOOOOAAOLL But there's a caveat	(53)
		The four teams left in the NCAA tournament are: Larry Brown's alma mater, a school he took to the final four, a school he won the title with, and a school coached by his protege	(12)
		News: Basketball team puts up pictures of Duke players to make fans boo. Fark: It's an NBA team. Not News: Duke Sucks	(19)

		Stat geeks try to turn their spreadsheets to mixed martial arts	(6)
		NASCAR driver attempts a right turn	(188)
(Some Guy)		Sportwriters know everything. This guy has five ways to improve the NFL, then sings a song about the refs	(32)
		Tigers keep the dream of a perfectly futile season alive by dropping their fourth game in a row to start the season. Sheffield heard blaming someone white	(20)
		Computer soccer game used to predict who would win the FA Cup, but the computer got bored after 15 minutes and gave up	(29)
		After losing to the Nationals and the Pirates, obviously the Atlanta Braves are winning the World Series this year	(40)
(Mets.com)		Rarely does one get the chance to Rickroll a sports team for an entire year, but today's your lucky day	(778)
		Replays clearly show Toronto Raptors guard T.J. Ford's potential game-winning layup leaving his hands after the clock expired. It also shows the Atlanta Hawks' game clock starting too early on the inbound pass. Oopsie	(25)
(Palm Beach Post)		Twice-retired center Alonzo Mourning considering yet another comeback with the Miami Heat	(10)
		Roddick announces engagement to Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, beats Federer. What have you done this week?	(28)
		Arsenal take non-penalty call in stride. Just kidding... they're whining that the ref cheated because he's Dutch. The Sun is there	(56)
		Cleveland Browns cornerback Kenny Wright forgets which Ohio team he plays for; gets busted for marijuana possession, running from police (w/ "oh yeah, he's stoned" mugshot)	(25)
(Some Guy)		"Davydenko dreams of breaking his duck against Federer." Whatever the hell THAT means	(15)
		"Pacman is good about 85 percent of the time. But that 15 percent is a freakin' disaster."	(29)
		New York public schools are squeezing out baseball in favor of cricket. Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio?	(29)
(TSN)		Sabres become first NHL team in 15 years to miss playoffs after compiling the best regular-season record the year before. The Senators were also the ones to do it. Ouch	(113)
(Sportsline)		We're number sixty-six! We're number sixty-six! Ohio State wins NIT	(35)

		Looks like Dusty Baker has another young, talented arm to ruin	(30)
(PFT.com)		The "Is Brett Favre Retiring?" story might be a "Is Brett's Agent Trying To Squeeze One Last Pay Day Out Of Him?" story	(18)
(MLB.com)		If you had "before his first start" in the Mike Hampton injury pool, please collect your winnings	(36)
		NFL rejects "Devin-Hester-Rule" on punts. Watching a kicker punt out of bounds is much more exciting than a 75 yard return anyway	(80)
		Brett Favre is quietly seeking another team to play for next season	(34)
(MLB.com)		Royals start season 3-0 by sweeping Tigers. In other news, hell reports record low temperatures, pigs seen in skies worldwide	(53)
(homerderby.com)		Baseball stadiums made of LEGOs. In other news, some people have way too much spare time	(19)
		Not News: Red Sox give media tour of Fenway Park improvements. News: they fail to mention the hawks who've built a nest there. Fark: Hawk attacks a tourist	(32)
(Some Guy)		Some guy lists the top ten greatest sports movies of all time. What, no "Mighty Ducks 3"?	(95)
(nfl.com)		Apparently every team has a limit: Bengals release WR Chris Henry	(48)
(Some Footie Guy)		UEFA Cup: the only time you can cheer for the Russians in anything	(44)
		How bad are things for the illustrious Michigan football program? Nick Sheridan could be their starting QB next year. You've never heard of him before because he is a walk-on. Ouch	(61)
(Some Guy)		Penn State basketball player charged with public lewdness for masturbating in the library while trying to pick up a chick	(51)
		Writer laments about when the Braves left Boston.....55 years ago. Tells the Red Sox to get off his lawn	(49)
		Mike Tomlin keeping an eye on eBay for old Steelers playbooks	(10)
(The Local.de)		Soccer isn't just grass-diving and knee-clenching - sometimes you get to grab your opponent's junk, too. But don't get caught, or you'll get a multigame ban, like this dumbass did	(16)
		We're sorry Mav's fans, but Dirk Nowitz.....HOLY S&*T HE'S HERE HE'S HERE R.I.P Golden State	(31)
		"Putz placed on 15-day DL with rib cage injury". Schmuck got what he deserved	(21)
(WCPO)		There is no "off season" for the Cincinnati Bengals. Warrant issued for Chris Henry	(50)

(Some Puckhead)		Pittsburgh Penguins clinch Atlantic Division for their first division title since they won the Northeast Division in 1997-98	(134)
(Gothamist)		The Superbowl Champion New York Giants get a "10 table" ring. It can be seen 10 tables away	(48)
		No, Mavericks, you can't have Nowitzki back. NOT YOURS	(12)
		In commemoration of the Chicago Cubs starting out 0-2, here's another historic Cubs collapse -- Eddie Vedder, drunk as a skunk, sings "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"	(54)
		Yankee fans treat their cathedral with proper respect on its last Opening Day. Just kidding, they're trying to take pieces home already	(29)
		Who knew women's college basketball players were so hardcore? Tennessee’s Candace Parker scores 26 points despite dislocating her shoulder twice	(38)
		After getting popped for DUI, Jacksonville Jaguar offered arresting officer his girlfriend for sex "if you let me go"; Boston police seen hurriedly setting up DUI checkpoint outside Tom Brady's brownstone	(76)
		Subby stands corrected... the Royals are STILL in first place, and on pace to win 162 games	(39)
		Teenagers brawl at restaurant over celebrity's autograph: "It was crazy. They were fighting, going at each other. We just got out of there." (Guess the celeb: Hannah Montana or semi-obscure Orlando Magic small forward?)	(14)
		Proposal to re-seed NFL playoffs gets shot down in flames	(48)
(Some Guy)		Stuart Scott, Mr. Belding and Charles Barkley walk into a bar. No, really. (Some mildly NSFW ads)	(20)
		Phil Jackson appears on National Geographic Channel's "Dog Whisperer." No, it isn't a show documenting his relationship with L.A. Laker Vladimir Radmanovic -- that would be "Dog With Fleas Whisperer." (With video)	(7)
(Some Braves Fan)		Braves and Phillies fans rejoice as Mets fans hang their heads crying. This year's Metspocalypse is upon us: Pedro is hurt	(107)
(Some Guy)		A's Pitcher Joe Blanton keeps going to the pine tar on his hat	(40)
		Rescheduled game leads to a win for the Rockies over the Cardinals. God is a Rockies fan	(22)
		Braves look to rebound from 0-2 start by sending new pitcher Jar Jar Binks to the mound Wednesday night	(16)
(East Valley tribune)		Cardinals are concerned about Matt Leinart getting play off the field, should be concerned about his play on the field	(14)
		John Daly caddy's early morning checklist: Carton of strawberry cigarillos, check. MaxFli sleeve jammed with nacho-flavored Bugles, check. Continental Airlines airsick bag, check. Breast massage, check (with video)	(27)
		Denver Broncos QB Jay Cutler rips troubled WR Brandon Marshall. Well, not the same way that Marshall ripped up his arm when he slipped on a McDonald's wrapper, but you get the idea	(16)
		Kansas City Royals say ongoing stadium construction won't hamper undertalented team or adversely affect nonexistent fans	(27)
		Kent State hires Ford as head basketball coach. Thank goodness they didn't hire somebody named Nixon	(10)
		London marathon runners warned that, although they are allowed to carry a shield and a spear, they are not allowed to use them to hunt any cows they come across	(88)
(The Palm Beach Post)		Turns out bogus ex-NFL player altered photo of Raiders' Romanowski to pull off scam. "(He) better watch out. Romanowski might kill him"	(14)
		Cleveland Browns GM claims he overpaid for QB Derek Anderson to avoid having the Cowboys sign him so they could trade him to the Miami Dolphins so they could get the No. 1 pick in the draft and take Darren McFadden. Wait, what?	(11)
		Ohio State to finally vindicate itself in yet another championship game	(17)
(Some Guy)		Cubs fans already inadvertently insulting K-Fu with not translate much well Japanese signs	(35)
		Brian McNamee manages to stick it to Roger Clemens a little while raising money for juvenile diabetes and getting rid of some stuff he didn't want in his house anymore. Everybody wins	(6)
		Arsenal takes on Liverpool in their first tie out of three in the coming week, while Chelsea takes on some team you've hardly ever heard of before. It's your Wednesday Champions League thread	(166)
(WLS-TV)		Cub's honor Ernie Bank's with big statue, complete with grammar error. Your doing it wrong	(37)
(Some Guy)		Grier may fill Beavers' big hole, still has not assumed the position	(6)
		Five years after inadvertently and permanently ruining Steve Bartman's life, Moises Alou admits what everybody already knew: "I wouldn't have caught it, anyway"	(46)
		Miami Dolphins try to improve on their 1-15 season by adding safety Chris Crocker, who tells the rest of the NFL, "Leave Miami alone"	(13)

(Some Guy)		Indiana University's new colors might be crimson and Crean	(33)
		Soon, you may be able to lick what 20,000 women have already licked	(21)
		Pavano Award contender: Pedro Martinez leaves game in the 4th inning with an undisclosed injury	(27)
		This tennis player needs to work on his overhead smash (w/video goodness)	(20)
		Ex-Cat Marvin Stone dead at 26. UK basketball death trifecta now in play	(8)
		Murph and Sully find out Dodgers fans don't suffer the same crap that Yankees fans do (with video)	(22)
(PFT.com)		Chad Johnson: "Trade me or I retire." Marvin Lewis: "Bye. Hope you enjoyed your NFL career"	(61)
		Grady Sizemore caught streaking	(16)
		Yankees 97-year-old PA announcer Bob Sheppard out with illness. Derek Jeter promises to use recorded version of Sheppard's intro of him until longtime announcer returns	(44)
(Some Guy)		Colorado Rockies went on playoff run last year after fan's ashes were secretly scattered in center field	(15)
		Sean Sutton is/has been/will be fired as OSU's coach today	(24)
		Premature list of NCAA Tournament's best moments misses out on chance to commemorate Kansas being eliminated	(22)
		Manchester United plays Roma as fans get together for a good match. April fools: There's probably be going to be some police brutality. It's your UEFA Champions League Quarter-Finals first leg discussion thread	(66)
		Peavy throws seven scoreless innings, hits a sacrifice fly, drives in a run on a single, has sex with Roy Oswalt's wife	(28)
(NY Daily News)		Jose Canseco warns A-Rod never to bring words to a blackmail fight	(29)
		At 0-2, the Atlanta Braves have the worst record in Major League Baseball. Suck it, Larry	(119)
		Turns out Boston sports fans CAN continue to whine about being losers: Patriots still won't stop feeling sorry for themselves and their historical collapse	(88)
		Top 10 list of sports boondoggles we only wish were April Fool's jokes	(17)
		Because whining about being losers doesn't work anymore, Red Sox fans turn to gloating about being winners	(51)
		Babe Ruth's granddaughter wants MLB to retire No. 3, hot dogs, beer permanently	(35)
		Mr. Wildcat Bill Keightley passes away at age 81	(24)
(The Ghost of George Plimpton)		It being April Fool's Day, it's a good time to revisit one of the finest pieces of sports journalism ever written about someone who never existed: "The Curious Case of Sidd Finch"	(32)

(Some Guy)		Albert Pujols has a cousin named Harry Pujols. Not Harold Pujols. Harry Pujols. Dick Trickle would be proud	(48)
		David Bentley has been lined up as the eventual replacement for David Beckham. Judging by this article he has the whole "sense of entitlement" thing down pat	(17)
		Florida Marlins to become "Miami Marlins" when new stadium opens in 2011, get swept by Cubs in 2015 World Series	(53)
		Notre Dame doesn't suck, they're merely "paying their dues"	(15)
		Two weeks after excoriating bloggers for their anonymous cheap shots on sports figures, Miami columnist cites anonymous "Heat official" calling Shaq a "phony" and "a big baby"	(7)
		One day after New York Daily News reports Andy Roddick is "looking for a date," Roddick announces on his official website he's engaged to SI swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker	(16)
		For the only time all year, subby can say, "The Royals are in first place in the AL Central"	(38)
		Wrapped in the hype of his ridiculous NCAA tournament performance, Stephen Curry, says he'll enter NBA draft... Oh wait, he said he is staying at Davidson	(42)
		The Phillies get their balls blessed	(16)
		Golden State's win over Dallas creates three-way tie for seventh place in the west with Nuggets	(23)
		Craig Ferguson is right: It is a great day to be an American. Or Canadian, maybe. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Opening Day discussion thread	(273)
		Seattle: "If the SuperSonics move to Oklahoma City, we'll get another team through expansion, right?" NBA commissioner David Stern: "Ummm... well... errrr..."	(28)
(Some Guy)		Interview with an emotional Tom Glavine as he prepares to make his first start for the Braves since 2002	(17)
		After getting released for throwing scalding water on a teammate, former New England Patriot starter booked in Tampa this morning for attemping to urinate on nightclub dance floor (with crazed mugshot goodness)	(30)
(Some Guy)		Fears over drug testing at the Olympics have led Chinese atheletes to stop using deer penis	(68)
		List of "firsts" from opening game at Nationals Park. It didn't take long for Washington to get that "first blown save"	(23)
		Tom Glavine wishes his name was on Stanley Cup. Braves fans wish his name was on the Met's depth chart	(26)
		Bengals near deal with Keith McCants	(11)
(NY Daily News)		New Yok Jets announce that they're keeping weak-armed QB Chad Pennington. AFC East defensive backs rejoice	(23)
		Talks between Titans and Cowboys regarding Pacman Jones trade hit snag -- the Titans want two draft picks whereas the Cowboys point out that nobody else is offering *anything* for the perennial dumbass	(24)
(Some Beagle)		Nationals recall Schroder from minors, install toy piano in bullpen	(7)
		NY Ranger Sean Avery in Eliot Spitzer's hooker's black book. Supportive teammates "laughing hysterically"	(58)
		Today is the final opening day for the current Yankee Stadium	(84)
		St. Louis Cardinals pitching coach doesn't realize he's on the air while arguing with a sports radio-show host. Complains he's a "nasty man" who brings up Tony La Russa's 2007 DWI too often	(15)
		Olympic torch arrives in Beijing and is immediately beaten with a rubber hose and thrown in jail	(52)
(Think Progress)		Bush loudly booed as he tosses the ceremonial first pitch at the Nationals game. Throws the ball two feet outside the strikezone, is offered a contract by Nationals management (with video)	(346)
(PFT.com)		Tiki Barber may have missed out on a Super Bowl ring, but at least he's got that 'Today Show' gig going for him. Oh, wait	(25)
(Some Guy)		The 7 ballsiest sports cheats ever	(54)