(Scene daily)		Carl Edwards' winning car fails post race inspection. NASCAR has impounded the car and will announce possible penalties later if the car was modified to allow right turns	(8)
		Cubs' superstar out with injury. Wow, is it March already?	(4)
		First woman from Washington to compete in Iditarod is dyslexic and Christian. She prays to dog for gods to guide her	(14)
		'Ryan Smyth Hat Trick' is completed when a hockey player scores two goals and leaves the ice on a stretcher	(16)
(Some Guy)		Aston Villa fans arrested after heckling Arsenal player at soccer game, which is apparently a crime in countries that don't have freedom of speech. Duke sucks	(9)
		Female runner uses dedication, endurance to win LA Marathon. Oh, all those things and a 20-minute head start	(28)
		Patrick Ewing may bring his experience, big head to the Knicks as coach next season	(24)
		Red Sox owners give Hank Steinbrenner a complimentary full membership in Red Sox Nation	(42)
		Suns lose fourth of six games since trading for Shaq, soon to change name to "Setting Suns"	(32)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin)		Counter to stereotypes, Hawaii high schools did not have an official surfing tournament . . . until now	(7)
		34th annual Iditarod to begin today in Alaska. Race begins in Anchorage, is expected to last 11-12 days and will span 1700 miles. NOME NOME NOME	(42)
		After failing to live his dream of driving a stock car, man's ashes take lap around Las Vegas Motor Speedway	(16)
(TSN)		On a record-setting night, Flames win, Jarome Iginla equals Theo Fleury's franchise goal record and CuJo passes Terry Sawchuck for fourth on alltime goalie wins. Oilers and Duke suck	(51)
		UFC badass Anderson Silva whips another opponent, lays waste to division	(56)
		Writer puts Pedro Martinez's contract demands on the level of killing ones parents and using the "I'm an orphan now" defense	(13)
		Michael Beasley: "I have three more years at K-State." Now rumored as opening act for Carrot Top at The Luxor	(12)
(Some Guy)		Top 10 best names in hockey	(71)
		Cornell becomes the 1st automatic invite to this year's NCAA Tourney. It is their first appearance in 20 years	(27)

		Bud Selig says that there is no ban on a team signing Barry Bonds, because that sort of thing would require an actual commissioner with a spine	(21)
		Coach K gets 800th win. Duke sucks	(20)
(Pick me, Cleveland!)		An above average QB, CB and K, overweight DTs, aged OLs, WRs that can't catch and RBs that can't stay healthy all get big contracts this weekend. Which will pull a Shaun Alexander? Probably all of them	(32)
		The Superbowl, the Pro Bowl, respect, Asante Samuel. The Patriots can't stop losing things	(51)
		Larry Bowa refuses to wear helmet at third base coach's box, threatens to don catcher's gear if forced to do so by MLB	(27)
(Some Guy)		Dementieva defeats Kuznetsova in Dubai. Remember when tennis players didn't have names that sounded like nasty diseases?	(14)
(NY Daily News)		MRI suggests that Yankees broadcaster Bobby Murcer's brain cancer has returned	(18)
		Massachusetts residents call graduation from NYU a "hollow ending" because the ceremony will be in Yankee Stadium	(74)
(LWS)		Alabama coach Nick Saban meets with Tuscaloosa mayor over the rash of arrests of Tide Players. "Arresting these players forces me to suspend them. It's like taking the food out of their babies' mouths"	(19)
		Instead of hanging around at Astros camp, Clemens picks up his syringe and goes home	(7)
		Eight matches on tap today in the English Premier League as Man Utd battle Fulham and Arsenal take on Aston Villa. Here's a discussion thread to go with your breakfast beer	(35)
		Scottish Premier League clubs considering allowing fans the freedom to drink beer while watching games	(22)
		Blazers snap Lakers 10-game winning streak. Where is your God now, Los Angeles?	(27)
		Chinese authorities to close down popular restaurants & nightclubs during Olympics. Fortunately, the Beijing Hooters will remain open	(11)
		Coaching legend John Wooden hospitalized after taking a fall that Bill Walton would call HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBLE	(12)

		If you want to spot an NBA player, the best place to do it is...The Cheescake Factory?	(31)
		LA Dodger Jeff Kent says Major League Baseball needs an "airtight" drug policy, and also more cheesy, outdated 70's porn 'staches	(19)
		"Today's binge-drinking culture seems ideally suited to darts – what better way to round off an evening's brawling and vomiting than with a quick blast of 501?"	(12)
		Seattle Mariners pitcher Miguel Batista's "idol" is Kenny G	(17)
		Hall of Famer Mike Schmidt takes questions from Phillies fans. Q: "You suck" A: "Hey, I hit 548 homers for you ingrates." Q: "Why not 600, ya loser?" A: "I'm outta here"	(51)
		Barry Bonds grand jury testimony unsealed. Read it here, sports fans	(35)
(Some Guy)		Ever wonder how much time "Sports Center" spends on your favorite sport?	(55)
		Colorado Rockies may finally be worth hating	(30)
		Real Madrid reportedly want to offer Christiano Ronaldo £160,000 per week to join their dive team	(16)
(Fox Sports)		Jason Whitlock: Cap unproven NFL first round rookies at two years and $10M	(48)
		Crack open a Bruschi Pat's fans, he's coming back	(43)
		Bob Knight, who once called the media "about two steps above prostitution," is now an ESPN analyst. He's got a long way to go to be as good as Jeremy Schaap	(19)
(Some Guy)		Newly acquired Marian Hossa pulls his 'disappearing in the playoffs' act a little early on the Penguins	(36)
(NY Times)		Veteran Russian hockey players are leaving the NHL for Russian league, despite Rangers ongoing willingness to overpay	(48)
		Brett Favre retirement announcement an error, just like his decision to play another year	(85)
		Indiana Pacers hire "city's pre-eminent manager of bad news" after becoming NBA's pre-eminent producer of it	(9)
(Some Guy)		ESPN's Brent Musburger admits to scouring You Tube for videos of his colleague, Erin Andrews	(21)
		Newcastle captain says they are trying desperately to avoid the vortex of suck which leads to the great relegation drain pipe of English football. (MadeofGlass Owen pic for the Farkettes)	(28)
		Lakers win 10th in row. Where is your God now, Boston?	(88)
(Fan Nation)		List of the five riskiest NFL free agents somehow does not include Randy Moss	(52)
		Belichick offers to tape Maryland and George Mason baseball practices after the Nationals hang a 16-spot on Georgetown	(34)
		Baby Boss Hank Steinbrenner declares war on Red Sox Nation	(54)
		Now that Bobby Knight is off the court, who will give us our precious press conference tirades now? Well, this Michigan coach can help (with video)	(6)
(Redsox.com)		Belichick offers to tape MIT and Harvard baseball practices for Terry Francona after the Red Sox hang a 24-spot on Boston College	(55)
		Tyson to Holyfield: "Let's fight again." Holyfield to Tyson: "Interesting. But could you speak into my good ear?"	(24)
		He shoots...and SCORRRRRRrrrrrrrrr........D'oh! Top ten footie misses	(17)

(LAist)		Tony Kornheiser rips on bloggers, while buddy Michael Wilbon rips them off. I got two words for you: BEAT DOWN	(35)
		Your new college basketball "Power 16" rankings. Kentucky isn't listed, but Duke is... which sucks	(39)
		Astros owner to Roger Clemens: You know that 10-year personal services contract that we'd agreed to? No, not yours	(35)
		Rugby player suspended three years for UFIA is back playing again, says "I want to have a crack at making less of an ass of myself."	(17)
		Packers.com: Brett Favre To Retire... wait... uh... never mind	(125)
		Denver Nuggets score most single game points in a game this season, trounce Oklahoma City Sonics	(38)
		Report: Rockies, Nuggets, Diamondbacks players took part in cocaine-fueled sex orgies staffed by prostitutes at storied Denver social club	(43)
		Brett Favre might return next year. Or he might not. We think he will. But we really don't know	(26)
(MLive)		Detroit Red Wings will offer a flurry of contract extensions, including one taking Chelios thru to adult diapers	(21)
(mail on sunday)		Professional golfer uses sly tactic of shiny gay disco shirt to blind competition. Bonus: Pants have glittery trim on cuffs	(25)
(Rochester D&C)		In his first game as a Buffalo Sabre, newly acquired RW Steve Bernier scores on his first two shots, adds an assist, flattens an opponent after a cheap shot on a teammate	(18)
(Indycar.com)		CART/IRL merge. Tony George still a douche. Duke sucks	(36)
		With 18 games to play, the current No. 2 seed in the Eastern Conference tunes up for the playoffs by firing their head coach. Wait, what?	(37)
		There is only one problem with the new, state-of-the-art baseball stadium D.C. has spent millions on building for the Washington Nationals: No parking spaces	(171)
		Cubs may seek more night games, concerts. "More wins" conspicuously absent from list	(26)
		The coolest video of people skateboarding at over 60 mph you will see today	(23)
		Reds executive Bender dies. Last words: You can all kiss my shiny metal ass	(26)
(TSN)		Some puckhead scores 15 goals within 24 seconds, all from the opposite blueline and live on national television, to win a million dollars. Maple Leafs inquire about availability. (LGT article, video link in first post)	(29)
		Sam Cassell to Los Angeles Clippers: "Please buy out my contract so I can go play somewhere else." Clippers to Cassell: "Suck it"	(17)
		"Love found more than 30 messages on his cellphone. He listened to the first one: 'If you guys win, we'll come to your house and kill your family.'" The wide world of college sports?	(28)
		One thing the U.S. and Cuba have been looking forward to since 1959: The return of professional baseball to the communist nation	(13)
		Left for dead, Colorado Avalanche occupy playoff spot after last second regulation goal and shootout win against the Canucks	(25)
		Cardinals release Scott Spezio in response to drunken driving incident. Apparently, it's okay to drink and drive if you're the manager, but not if you're a backup outfielder	(23)

		Bill Belichick is the March/April coverboy for Boston's premier gay and lesbian magazine. W/coverboy pic goodness	(31)
		It only took the Carolina Panthers one year to do what The Houston Texans did in five	(35)
		Olympics a threat to the water supply due to many heavy medals	(3)
		Not News: College basketball coach makes excuses for losing. News: He blames the fans. Fark: It really was the fans' fault the team lost	(24)
(Some Guy)		If you crashed your car, left the scene of the accident, assaulted your neighbor, puked in your condo, and your name is Scott Spiezio, the police would like to have a word with you	(23)
(With Leather)		Due to an apparent lack of sprained ankles in professional sports, Slam Ball is coming back	(18)
		The US Congress, having solved all problems foreign and domestic, asked the Justice Department today to investigate whether Roger Clemens lied under oath	(69)
		In a span of four days, two different #1 teams from Tennessee lose to two different ranked opponents from Tennessee	(17)
		Baseball* agent* mystified* as* to* why* no* one* wants* to* hire* his* famous* client*	(37)
		Browns tender 3-yr, $20 million offer to QB Derek Anderson, meaning the courageous career of Brady "The Heart Of a Lion" Quinn might have died a valiant and courageous death	(42)
		Old and busted: Wrigley Field. New hotness: [Highest Bidder's Name Here] Field	(91)
		Training camp has only just begun and Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Jason Schmidt is already complaining of a tired arm	(25)
		World Anti-Doping Agency tells MLB they should outsource their drug testing so that it is no longer a complete sham	(11)
		De La Hoya says he is good for three more fights. Subby is banking on his wife, Denny's parking lot and watching PPV	(10)
		"I feel like a mosquito in a nudist colony," Pat Riley explains. "I know what to do. I just don't know where to start"	(9)
		Boston Bruins celebrate the trade deadline by humiliating the Senators 4-0	(48)
		Please wave your Terrible Towels at half-mast today. Yoi	(97)
(Some Guy)		Analyzing the NHL trades made at the deadline -- haiku style	(62)
		Jon Stewart was a soccer stud in college, even having a team award named after him. Who needs an Oscar when you can own a Liebo?	(23)
		The FA would like to make it clear that no clubs are treated differently from others, whilst slapping Aliadiere with an extra match ban for having a name that sound like the chorus of a farking folk song	(30)
		Floyd Mayweather to fight seven-foot wrestler March 30th in Wrestlemania. Submitter needs Rocky III tag	(63)
(NY Daily News)		Twenty years ago, Michael Jordan competing against Isiah Thomas at the Garden would've sold out the house and garnered national attention. Too bad it isn't 20 years ago	(14)
(Some Guy)		Technology behind the "Lord of the Rings" movies is now being used to unlock the secrets of Australian cricket fast bowlers. Having seen cricket played, submitter assumed one could use time-lapse photography instead	(21)
		After two seasons of suck, the Redskins have released Brandon Lloyd. The salary he was guaranteed means he was paid $400,000 per catch. Nice job, Dan Snyder	(24)
		Vikings drop the big ball on Troy Williamson, trade him to Jacksonville for white fabric and thread to patch up those holes on the ceiling of the Metrodome	(9)
(MLB.com)		Former MLB star Bret Boone, making comeback with Washington, reveals his reason for retirement wasn't steroids, it was the 12 or so beers after every game	(21)
(ZNet)		Hugo Chavez demands 10 percent of any signing bonus given to Venezuelan players. MLB takes ball, goes home	(27)
		New England RB Kevin Faulk in doping scandal...kinda	(34)

		Vegas casinos heave collective sigh of relief as TNT re-ups Chuck Barkley to eight-figure contract	(13)
		Remember baseball wife Anna Benson? You won't now. At least not after seeing modeling photos of Mark Kotsay's wife (Not safe for work-ish)	(68)
		唉唷我的脚	(44)
		Mets fans will have to wait a little longer for charges to be filed against Clemens for perjury for saying he didn't intentionally throw the bat at the Pizza boy during the '00 World Series ... or something like that	(10)
		Bears offer Kyle Orton extension, same terms as Grossman, inspiring alcoholic farkers with NFL aspirations everywhere	(40)
		NFL owners are so dissatified with current labor deal they may opt out, meaning 2011 would become a non-salary capped year	(40)
		NY Giants' star Michael Strahan says money no longer matters now that he has his championship. Translation: If the Giants want him back, they need to show him the money	(13)
(TSN)		For the six of us who care, it's trade deadline day in the NHL - discussion of which over that way ------>	(783)
		Can the egos of T.O. and Moss fit inside the new Cowboys stadium?	(66)
		Down 29-27 to Portland at halftime, #24 Gonzaga goes into the locker room to open up a couple of cases of whoop-ass	(14)
		Philadelphia sports reporter wishes Peter Forsberg well, thanks him for his time in Philly. Ha ha, no... he calls Forsberg the "worst acquisition in recent Philadelphia sports history"	(33)
		The Golden State Warriors are currently the 8th seed in the West, only 5 games out of the number 1 seed. There are 5 teams with a winning record in the Eastern Conference	(28)
		The San Francisco 49ers don't want to wait until free agency begins to upgrade the league's worst offense. They're already negotiating with RB DeShaun Foster and kick returner Allen Rossum	(10)
		♪ He is old ♫ Through the Mitchell Report he stands ♪ No promises, no demands ♫ Sheffield’s life is a battlefield ♪	(13)
		Welcome to Loserville. South Florida sports teams are now the Washington Generals of all four sports leagues	(35)
		News: Tennis player banned from club because she grunts too loudly when she hits the ball. Fark: She's nine	(154)
(Some Guy)		On the back of winning the Milk Cup as their first trophy in 9 years, Tottenham management are going to give Juande Ramos £40m to buy new players. With all that money they could get two Darren Bents	(14)
		Red Sox sign Bartolo Colon, max out their quota of bacon for season	(40)
		Tiger Woods hits shot off of spectator's thigh, gives her autographed glove	(26)

		Two Australian football stars in trouble after showing up at a celebration dressed as Hitler and black God	(15)
		Who else wants to see Orel Hershiser dance?	(27)
(Some Guy)		Milwaukee Brewers fan caught lustfully staring at the backside of ESPN's Erin Andrews and clutching a camera as she walks across the court	(41)
		Barry Bonds is talking contract with the Tampa Rays* It works well because he wil be closer to his trial that way	(24)
		Peter Forsberg returning to the Colorado Avalanche injured list	(38)
		For those of you tired of Yankees/Red Sox bickering, here's some of baseball's other feuds for the upcoming season	(43)
		Eric Mangina and the Jets organization show class and maturity in dealing with Patriots after bad blood this season. Just kidding, they allow linebacker Jonathan Vilma to seek new deal with every team in the NFL except the Patriots	(44)
		Breakdown of five seemingly random but interesting NHL trades since the year since 2000	(24)
		Just about every respected baseball statistician who has publicized results reveals Derek Jeter is, at best, among the poorest defensive shortstops in the game	(75)
		Rutgers releases this year's cupcake football schedule	(44)
		Denver used to cheat like Patriots, but were foiled around 2003	(68)
		What going 320mph in a quarter mile looks like. NHRA starts a new season	(39)
(Some Guy)		You work the stopwatch: video of Darren McFadden's blur of a 4.27 40-yard-dash at the NFL combine	(53)
(Some Guy)		How bad is it for Barry Bonds? The Cardinals passed on him and they love to sign old, past-their-prime players	(25)
(NY Daily News)		New York Mets think John Maine -- who in four years has a 23-19 career record and 4.19 ERA -- will become a 20-game winner. Submitter would like some of whatever they are smoking	(48)
		Mid-season trade immediately pays off for the struggling Chicago Bulls as they beat the Houson Rockets. Just kidding, they still suck	(37)
		Kelvin Sampson still texting his former players after resigning from head coaching position. Bonus: Creepy text in article	(35)
		International Rugby news: Scotland's Scott MacLeod cleared after testing positive for banned asthma medication. Still under suspicion of riding horse in Times Square while wearing stupid cowboy hat	(4)
(Buffalo News)		City of Buffalo unable to fix foul odor surrounding HSBC Arena, which suprisingly isn't being caused by the Sabres	(24)
		Roger Clemens could show up at the Houston Astros spring training camp with a syringe hanging off his ass and a suitcase full of HGH	(13)
		Red Sox give Terry Francona a 3-year extension	(53)
		After 10 hours, two major wrecks, two red flags, and only 87 of 250 laps complete, NASCAR finally realizes that track conditions won't allow them to even reach the halfway point	(111)
		RB Darren McFadden posts more impressive numbers than last year's NFL combine stud, Adrian Peterson	(42)
		Canada holds the significant distinction of being the only country to host a Summer and Winter Olympics and not get a gold medal in either event, causing shame	(34)
		BBC viewers lose their minds as national broadcaster shows 10 straight hours of grass-diving and that wimpy form of football, you know, the one without the pads	(29)
		Tiger Woods puts Stewart Cink over his knee and spanks him in front of an international TV audience until he cries	(22)
		Former Oiler Ryan Smyth realizes that he is in Colorado and doesn't need to wear a mullet anymore to pass as a regular person	(16)
(NHL.com)		Sundin announces he will not waive his no-trade clause, Leafs will have to look to someone else to trade. EVERYBODY PONIKAROVSKY	(25)
		Refugee who survived the Khmer Rouge genocide to escape to the United States returns to Cambodia and turns former killing fields of his homeland into baseball fields. "I'm the grandfather of baseball in Cambodia"	(12)