Today's most cruelly misleading headline brought to you by Yahoo: "Streaking Sharapova wins Qatar Open"	(6)
		The Phoenix Suns show that they're ready to make a serious run at the NBA championship by getting absolutely destroyed on national TV	(37)
		Pittsburgh Zamboni renamed "Zednik 1"	(25)
		New Jersey Institute of Technology sets new Division I basketball record by going 0-29. Duke sucks	(23)
		Megafail: College becomes worst in history with unprecedented 0-29 season	(24)
		Bragging rights in the Volunteer state wasn't the only thing UT basketball coach Bruce Pearl grabbed last night (ESPN sideline hottie Erin Andrews - with video)	(18)
		Spurs win Carling Cup, Chelski win Final Whistle Hissy Fit	(33)
		The Miami Heat lose their 11th in a row. Since Christmas, they have 26 losses, and 1 win	(34)
		Sports media reporting officially enters the theatre of the absurd: "Player weigh-ins will no longer air as part of the NFL Network’s Combine coverage, FOXSports.com has learned."	(7)
		Ukraine is not weak. Klitschko wins heavyweight reunification match	(23)
		13 year old diver becomes the youngest British Olympian. Promptly signs deal at Manchester United	(14)
(CricInfo.com)		"Tension and psychological stress in cricket are greater than in most other sports," as cricketers struggle to figure out what's going on	(21)

		Mark DeRosa suffers from irregular heartbeat. If you played for the Chicago Cubs, your heart would be messed up too	(13)
		Phils pitcher injures leg after throwing one pitch. Anna Benson lock for making team now	(18)
(phillyBurbs)		Eagles DT Mike Patterson and his brother relax after minor car accident by smoking pot 'til the cops show up	(16)
		The battle for #1: Let the Memphis/Tennessee discussion begin	(74)
		Finally, a fight to unify two heavyweight titles. Still no cure for alphabet soup	(51)
		Today's photos of an NBA player partying with women other than his wife are brought to you by Jose Cuervo™	(11)
(TSN)		Manitoba advances to Tournament of Hearts final when Ontario skip misses attempted run-back double takeout in extra end. You submitted this with a headline non-curling fans could understand	(17)
(Some Guy)		Re-Enter The Dragon: Rex Grossman re-signed by the Bears	(42)
		Multiple NFL Pro Bowler Zach Thomas spurns Patriots to sign free agent deal with Cowboys	(22)
		Farker dream job - wanted for The Manatees, an all-male, all-obese cheerleading squad: "Big bellies with the biggest jiggle, big feet with the best dance moves and enthusiasm that will rock Marlins fans out of their seats." Penis	(13)
		Soccer legend Paul Gascoigne spent £16,000 to overcome substance abuse. The substance in question? Red Bull	(13)
		Vicious illegal tackle from Birmingham's Martin Taylor break's Arsenal striker Eduardo da Silva's leg, likely putting him out of Euro 2008	(55)
(Custer's Grandson)		Native Americans slowly reclaiming whats theirs using sneaky, underhanded methods and an NCAA mens basketball team	(8)
		Female sports reporter puts on the pads to practice with football team. It's not Erin Andrews, although we do enjoy seeing her backfield in motion	(19)
		Extreme skiing growing in popularity, especially among those not yet killed by it	(9)
(Some Guy)		Roger Clemens last week: "I did NOT attend Jose Canseco's party." Clemens' attorney, today: "Uhhh... a social event was hosted in 1998 by a former Oakland A, and a prominent client of mine might have attended."	(29)
(WSBTV)		Hank Aaron finally acknowledges baseball has to deal with cheaters	(18)
(Manchester Evening News)		One of the first British women to swim the English Channel has died aged 97. She was considered a "harlot" for baring her knees	(7)
(Some Guy)		Chris Berman finally responds to the videos, blames the Soviets	(25)
		Kelvin Sampson resigns as Indiana basketball coach, taking $750,000 buyout from school in exchange for agreeing not sue the university	(29)
		Nike signs contract with French national soccer team to supply item France desperately needs: balls	(11)

		Colt's TE Dallas Clark lands highest paying contract ever for a TE without having to deal with that pesky Pro Bowl selection responsibility	(21)
		The deed is done. IRL and Champ Car have merged back together 12 years after The Split	(43)
(Sportsline)		Oklahoma Sooners get back wins they forfeited for rules violations to improve their record to 8-1 for calendar year 2008	(21)
		In a deadline deal that will shake up the West, Houston Rockets trade Kirk Snyder and a second round pick to the Timberwolves for Gerald Green, cupcakes	(15)
		Detroit Lions president Matt Millen, the architect of teams that have gone 31-81, understands why fans are mad at him. "If I was sitting at home and I was a Lions fan, you've got to blame somebody. I'd blame me, too."	(38)
		Toronto Maple Leafs C Mats Sundin, D Bryan McCabe, and G Andrew Raycroft miss practice with "flu-like" symptoms. In other news, "flu-like" is code for "being shopped around to teams that don't suck"	(45)
		11 year old paparazzo at Canseco's party may turn Roger Clemens into MLB's Lil' Kim	(35)
		List of Most Overpaid Players in MLB, Bonus: Not all of Them Play in New York	(55)
		5 trophies? £600m in debt. Largest payroll in the EPL? £135m per year. Running a £150m annual deficit and claiming you're bigger than Arsenal? Chelsea	(24)
		Having released WR Muhsin Muhammad and declining to use franchise tag on WR Bernard Berrian, Chicago Bears begin negotiations with QB Rex Grossman who no longer has any targets to throw to	(40)
		The last time a beaver took this much of a pounding, Ron Jeremy was responsible	(22)
		Something finally goes right for the Atlanta Falcons as they win coin toss, get to pick third in NFL draft	(21)
		'Mike Shanahan Timeout', or calling a timeout just before opponent's field goal snap, expected to remain legal. 'Mike Shanahan Tenure', or keeping your job based on decade old performances, to continue as well	(49)
		Sportscaster breaks two fingers stopping a shot from a goalkeeper while taping segment on soccer, astounds pro grass divers by refusing medical help and carrying on. "I just played on. You don't cry in these situations, do you?"	(47)
		K-Rod loses in arbitration, will have to somehow get by with only $10 million	(17)
(Daily Mirror)		You know that 'greatest soccer player on earth' who has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act? Well he was ordering raw liver from room service, then answering the door nude. And then it gets weird	(5)
(Some Belles Fan)		Subby sees your hottest D-1 hoops girl, and raises you one Doncaster Rovers Belles footballer (No nudity, but these bikini pics are borderline not safe for work)	(17)
		When asked who they would like to get a championship ring other than themselves, NBA All-Stars picked Steve Nash and Garnett. Classy as always, Kobe answers: "If it ain't us, I don't care"	(51)
		NFL considering changing playoff seeding so that division winners with weak records aren't automatically seeded above wild card teams with better records	(39)
(Some Guy)		Ex-Patriot says Bill Belichick's been taping signals since day one. Asked to respond, Belichick uses The Force and strangles reporter	(71)
(Some Guy)		From the "it's less dirty than it sounds" department: Short game helps Wie open with 69	(12)
		Marlins stadium deal approved. Taxpayers seem OK with not having any say in the matter	(28)
(Some Guy)		Apparently, giving up 23 home runs in Colorado last year wasn't enough. Josh Fogg headed to Cincinnati and Great American Small Park	(16)
		From pinup to post-up, the hottest female D1 college basketball player in the nation today	(57)

		Virginia-Georgia Tech rained out - that's right, a basketball game was rained out	(19)
		Barry Bonds' latest brilliant legal move: "teh federil govrenments' 2 (too) typogarphic errrors hav compermised my chances of geting a fare tryal". LOLcats unavailable for koment	(20)
		Manny Ramirez wants to retire with Red Sox, not realizing that the Yankees are the team that overpay for washed up former stars	(33)
		New England Patriots decide against putting an expensive leash on Randy Moss	(38)
(WFAN)		Mets hurting at end of '07 season and starting the '08 season the same way	(11)
		Former "Monday Night Football" sideline reporter and nudie model Lisa Guerrero lands major movie role; You just know there's got to be a catch in her landing the role (and there is)	(23)
		Cleveland Cavaliers, Chicago Bulls, and Seattle SuperSonics engage in three-way trade that moves just about every player on all three rosters except for LeBron James	(66)
(baka-san)		You learn something new every day. Today we learn that bass tournaments have practice rounds	(11)
		All-American forward Candace Parker will skip her senior season at Tennessee to pursue Olympics and pro career in the lucrative WNBA. Good luck with that, honey	(31)
(Some Chair Thrower)		Indiana University, who put up with Bobby Knights actions for 29 years before firing him, has fired Kelvin Sampson after two	(72)
(Some Guy)		Lacrosse students to file suit against Duke, are hopeful Duke's legal team sucks	(14)
		New York Knicks hold Philadelphia 76ers to 100 points. Unfortunately, that was only through three quarters, and the Knicks couldn't even score that many points for the entire game	(11)
		The Tampa Bay Rays' new ballpark rendering kinda looks like a kid's pillow fort	(64)
		The man who was once described as the 'greatest soccer player on earth' has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act	(28)
		MLS plans to announce expansion team for the Philadelphia area. That's Major League Soccer...in Chester...soccer...in Chester...\ˈsä-kər\...\ˈChes-tər\ aka \kə-ˈlä-səl\...\ˈwāst	(214)
(Some Guy)		Jason Kidd and his slow feet can't stop Chris Paul	(31)
		Coco Crisp lays down the "play me or trade me" gauntlet. Red Sox hope to get two Tony the Tigers and a Captain Crunch	(37)
		Jeter takes report that labels him worst shortstop in stride. Just kidding... he's whining now, too	(86)
		Apparently, Michigan basketball defines "workmanlike success" as being 8-17 and not being in the NCAA tourmanent for the 12th straight season	(67)
(NY Daily News)		It's not a Yankees' spring training until A-Rod reaches around and puts his foot in his mouth	(15)
		Cowboys fans can keep cringing -- Tony Romo may soon marry Jessica Simpson	(34)
(Florida Today)		NASCAR goes hogwild on fines in all three leagues, clipping Jr. and penalizing Robby Gordon for not being named "Jeff"	(28)
		NHL clears up kicking rule. "It's important to remember that a player can use a distinct directing motion to score a good goal. He cannot, however, use a distinct kicking motion to score a goal." Well, that's clear	(69)
		To: Shaq. From: Kobe. Re: Your milkshake -- I DRINK IT UP	(32)
		Celtics fall to Warriors to go 0-2 on current roadtrip. Welcome to the West, Leprechauns	(48)
		When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in China, shut the fark up during soccer games	(19)
		Louisville DB Rod Council goes home to North Carolina to visit his friends and family and rob a gas station	(10)

(NHL.com)		Simon Gagne told to sit out rest of the season. Flyers told to sit out of playoffs	(24)
		Duke's #4 ranking... it's gone	(47)
		Random duffer: I'm 3 up on Tiger Woods with 5 holes to play, I'm gonna shock the world! Tiger: Yeah, no	(20)
		Titans stomp Haynesworth with the Franchise tag	(15)
		Spurs reportedly send Brent Barry, Francisco Elson to Sonics for Kurt Thomas	(22)
		As per usual, everyone in the country is trying to copy New York	(42)
		Arsenal, Man Utd and Celtic are all in action on a busy night of Champions League football	(19)
		IndyCar officials schedule major press conference for Friday to proclaim victory over rival HD DVD format	(16)
		Bonds in game shape, which means head literally three sizes too big. Still awaiting team	(35)
		Indianapolis Colts franchise Dallas Clark so he can drop another wide-open 4th and 5 screen in the playoffs when we're down by 4 with 1:30 to go. Submitter wishes he'd stop having nightmares about this season ending drive	(48)
(My Desert Sun)		Former NBA star Cedric Ceballos learns to never use invalid credit cards at gas in Bat Country	(16)
		A-Rod: "I have two daughters -- well, I have one and one on the way. If I had a daughter, I would want 'em to marry Andy Pettitte. The age difference might be a little awkward, but in today's day and age, anything is possible"	(32)
		Founder of Denver Broncos and architect of 1970s Big Red Machine, dies at 89	(8)
		Formula 1 champ, CART champ, Indy 500 winner and unemployed NASCAR driver Jacques Villeneuve is still confident he will run at least one nationwide series race this year	(22)
		NCAA considering adding a "Division IV." No word if idea came after watching Duke football last season	(28)
		DePaul gets its clock cleaned by Connecticut after clock failure. Duke checks watch, realizes it's time to suck	(3)
		Celtic, Arsenal, Fenerbahce, Lyon: With such big names on tap, it must be your official Wednesday Champions League discussion forum	(59)
		New players arriving for Cubs training camp must adjust to new life. If by "new life" you mean "being mathematically eliminated form playoffs by June"	(28)
		White Sox deny they are close to deal with Colon. Negotiations with urinary bladder not looking good, either	(16)
		Deputies throw the flag on Raiders cornerback for domestic battery -- 15-yard penalty and trip to jail (with mugshot)	(20)
(NY Daily News)		New York Mets owner Fred Wilpon says 2008 is "a championship season." Let's just play out the season and see if you even make the playoffs, okay?	(26)
		It’s official: IROC is defunct, they are liquidating their assets. Your 88 Camaro is still cool though	(24)
		Denver Nuggets spoil Kevin Garnett's return to the Boston Celtics' lineup	(19)
(Some Guy)		Top 10 national league prospects, AKA guys you've never heard of who will be your fantasy baseball downfall	(27)
		Detroit Lions coach Rod Marinelli: "I think guys want to go out and test the market. They should." Translation: "Go suck for some other team"	(16)
		Former AL MVP Juan Gonzalez creates a buzz at St. Louis Cardinals' training camp. Didn't anybody warn him not to hand out greenies to teammates?	(16)
		Chelsea football boss Avram Grant's fan mail includes white powdery substance and attached note that reads, "When you open this letter you will die a very slow and painful death"	(11)
		North Carolina coach Roy Williams miffed by Coach K's comments, thinks Duke sucks	(39)
		Maryland women's basketball coach -- still on the court while eight months pregnant -- gives birth to twins	(18)
(NHL.com)		Montreal Canadiens royally mount their biggest comeback ever, overcoming 5-0 deficit to beat New York Rangers in a shootout	(48)
		Aramis Ramirez has his cockfighting passion outed by a cockfighting magazine interview. In other words, there is a cockfighting magazine. Vagina	(16)
		Dave Niehaus will be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. MY OH MY	(54)

		Just in case you were wondering, here's how the Florida Marlins are reacting to the Fidel Castro news	(10)
		"They were the first perfect team in the history of pro football."	(32)
		Following the success of the NHL, the NBA is going to hold an outdoor preseason game	(28)
		Javy's a Brave again. Great, now maybe we won't suck AS bad	(28)
		Serena Williams to join Washington's World Team Tennis team. In other news, apparently someone resurrected the World Team Tennis, to the delight of dozens	(6)
		Image of Ron Swoboda appears on hot dog purchased at man's first Mets game	(10)
(Some Guy)		Six-time Indy 500 starter Jerry Karl dead at 66. He's never heard of you, either. Goodnight, fast man	(7)
		Pedro Martinez throws half a bullpen session with his eyes shut, only misses strike zone three times. Guess he knows how to be the ball. Na na na na na na na	(38)
		In a stunning, selfless, collective attempt to add even more civility and class to their beloved sport, hockey team completely trashes historic hotel	(21)
		Pigs are flying, hell is freezing over and Florida is heading for a snowstorm: IRL and Champ Car have reached a preliminary agreement to merge	(22)
(Some Guy)		NFL ad from the 1950s, complete with Malboro cigarettes and racist cartoons	(65)
		Basketball video that gives new meaning to the word "pick up game"	(21)
		Arsenal goalkeeper allowed to miss training. Because his house is haunted	(44)
		Former Wimbledon champion Goran Ivanisevic will be questioned by police after allegedly showing a photographer his forehand and a camera his backhand	(2)
		Avery Johnson has been campaigning to have Dirk Nowitzki traded after continual playoff chokes	(34)
		Giants ready to reward Coughlin with extension. He just needs to prove himself a little more	(33)
		Houston Astros RF Hunter Pence crashes through sliding glass door in bathroom of his spring training home, leaving him with multiple cuts. In other news, Pence will be installing a warning track in his bathroom next week	(22)
(Some Guy)		Ozzie Guillen is still a crazy bastard: "As long as I don’t rape anybody, as long a I pay my taxes, I don’t beat my wife..."	(21)
		Pittsburgh Pirates LF Jason Bay says he is done complaining, will get back to the business of underachieving like everybody else on the roster	(13)
		Jason Kidd officially a Maverick	(42)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)		Cincinnati Reds consider acquiring 40-year-old Kenny Lofton for center field, leadoff, old folks home	(35)
(Providence Journal)		NFL linebacker Zach Thomas may soon get in trouble for cheating	(37)
		Liverpool v. Inter Milan, Chelsea v. Olympiacos, oh yeah -- this is your first round knockout stage Champions League discussion thread	(94)
		Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson says they need to win 25 of last 30 to win West. That, or a couple of plane crashes ought to do it	(5)
		Former AL MVP Miguel Tejada declines opportunity to deny steroid allegations	(10)
		Tony George years ago: "We'll only have American races." The big holdup between the Champ Car and IRL merger: The IRL's Japan race. Comments about how Tony George is a douchebag go to the right	(68)
(TheFacts.com)		Houston Texans WR Jerome Mathis arrested for choking pregnant girlfriend. Well, there go his chances for the NFL's annual humanitarian award	(19)
(mlb.com)		Steinbrenner: "Wahhhhhhhh ... steroids .... wahhhh ... football ... wahhhhhhhhh"	(41)
(Some Guy)		College football games telecast by CBS averaged a whopping 3:47 in length (commercials?). Games that were not televised averaged 3:14	(43)
		In desperate quest to find pro athlete more obscure than Helio Castroneves, ABC signs Jason Taylor of NFL's 1-15 Miami Dolphins as "Dancing With the Stars" participant	(34)
(WAFB)		Will everyone planning on playing quarterback for LSU next season please step forward. Not so fast, Ryan Perrilloux	(23)
		Steve Nash: "I'm not some Yank who wants to make a profit. I just want to see Spurs succeed." No, you did not read that wrong	(36)
		Charles Barkley: "Boston fans are the worst in the NBA"	(62)
		Sixth grade girls basketball coach does his best Bobby Knight impersonation	(13)

		Crikey, top Aussie cricket player poses topless. (SFW pic)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Contest to pick the Astros marketing slogan: How about "We'll Try Not to Suck This Year"?	(45)
		Bears release Muhammad. Muslims around the world celebrate, riot	(42)
(Le Basketbawl)		Sixty percent of NBA players are broke five years after leaving the league. Ref calls for a jump ball after Dumbass, Sad and Obvious tags all seem to have possession	(69)
		The Marlins want Miami-Dade County to cough up $347 million to build them a new stadium that will be almost empty for most games	(54)
		When obligatory Valentine's Day proposal at ballgame goes terribly right -- for the fans (with video)	(45)
		This weekend's college basketball schedule features an in-state showdown between No.s 1 and 2. UNC and Duke? Think again. Duke sucks	(34)
		Phillies pitcher pranked by teammates, coaches, agent and media into thinking he had been traded to Japan	(54)
(Some Guy)		ESPN's decision to drop Suzy Kolber should permit the adorable lil' pixie to do greater things in her professional career	(53)
		If a Duke falls in the Forest in front of a national TV audience, does it make a sucking sound?	(34)
		Michael Jordan tells the NBA why they should stop looking for the next Michael Jordan, and instead scour the state of Utah for the next Shawn Bradley. Thanks for that, 45	(65)
		Not news: English premiership footballer cheats on his wife. News: The wife is Cheryl Cole from the band Girls Aloud. Fark: How dumb can you be to risk losing this (SFW pics)	(51)