(TSN)		Richard Zednik in stable condition after having his throat cut by the skate of his teammate	(47)
		Teen makes Serie A league debut, to only score the winning goal 15 seconds later. What has your kid done lately?	(17)
		British Olympic hopefuls being forced to sign agreement stating they will not speak of China's many human rights violations and other backwards ideas. Reportedly still allowed to complain about crappy beer and 8-track players in hotel rooms	(10)
(Some Guy)		Egypt wins African Cup by beating Cameroon 1-0 in championship game of tournament. How'd Niger do? Please	(16)
		Suzy Kolber & Michele Tafoya fired from "Monday Night Football". Joe Namath offers a goodbye kiss	(27)
(TSN)		Ray Emery charged with driving an obnoxious vehicle	(16)
(Some Guy)		The Kentucky Professional Boxing and Wrestling Authority ends Tonya Harding's hopes of stepping into the boxing ring. WHY? WHY? WHY HER? WHYYYYYYYYYY?	(5)
(Sportsline)		Watch your football season's end. Discuss the Pro Bowl if you can bear to watch it	(59)
		Roger Clemens: "This statistical report proves I didn't roid up." Professors at Univ. of Pennsylvania's Wharton School: "Yeah, about that report... the analysis sucked and it is a bunch of hooey."	(24)
		Yet another Chris Berman video leaked, this time as he discusses his aversion to sitting with "old, old, OLD people" (ironically, the only audience he has left)	(27)
(NY Daily News)		Ready or not - and many clubs seemingly are not - pitchers and catchers kick off the start of the 2008 baseball season this week	(52)
		In Manchester, some sort of memorial service with a ball is about to occur, and later on today Chelsea receive a call from Liverpool's reserves at Stamford Bridge. It's your Sunday Premier League thread	(29)
(WLBZ2.com)		Two toboggans collide at the annual U.S. Toboggan races. Six injured, one got snow down his back, and another lost a mitten	(18)
		US Olympic athletes bringing own food to China. Fark: because local food is filled with performance-enhancing drugs	(16)
		Former Pats video man living the quiet life in Hawaii	(26)

		Phil Mickelson cards an 11 on the Par 5 14th at Pebble Beach, misses the cut. How does THAT taste, Eldrick? 11? Are you kidding me? Phil Freaking Mickelson. His wife is pretty hot, though. Advantage Phil. Epic. Out	(36)
		Dale Earnhardt Jr wins the NASCAR Bud Shootout	(40)
		Knicks star Stephon Marbury packs up his sneakers and goes home for the season, dashing the hopes of ... well, nobody actually	(7)
		Tony Stewart the envy of all NASCAR fans after punching Kurt Busch	(28)
		Jim Zorn to lead the Washington Redskins to new heights of mediocrity	(48)
		Nevada high schooler who lied about his college football recruitment may get a Division I scholarship after all - from former NFL coach Jerry Glanville, who now coaches Portland State	(18)
		Keith Foulke un-retires. Still doesn't give a crap about what Johnny from Burger King thinks	(14)
(Chosun Ilbo)		North and South Korea agree to send joint 300-member cheerleading squad to Beijing 2008. O-KAY	(16)
		Curt Schilling's doctor says rehab won't work and Schilling needs surgery. Curt Schilling: "I want a second opinion". Doctor: "Okay, you're ugly, too"	(12)
		Classy Patriots fans are petitioning the NFL to investigate the final 100 seconds of the Super Bowl	(140)
		English Premier League's plan to play matches abroad will do for soccer what McDonald's did for food	(32)
		Actual headline: McNamee says he injected Clemens' wife	(23)
(NY Daily News)		Sneak preview of the new Yankee Stadium. The house that Jeter built	(19)
		More videos of Chris Berman acting the fool leaked onto internet; Next time Berman might consider not making passes at female co-workers while on-camera	(47)

		After Notre Dame finishes with the 119th best offense in the NCAA, Charlie Weis gives up offensive playcalling duties	(19)
(Some Mainer)		New England sports fans need a new curse to blame for the Patriots' loss. A small store in Port Clyde, Maine to the rescue	(30)
(The Wicked Wrister)		Kevin Roy is better than you (and he's 13)	(43)
		When UNC men's hoops team beats Duke, Chapel Hill nearly riots. When UNC women beat Duke, police order Tarheel players clean up toilet paper that was tossed into trees. Duke sucks	(11)
		McNamee says Roger's wife used HGH. No word on whether or not she grew a set	(32)
		Highlights of Brett Favre's first game as a Packer, with insightful analysis from Bob Costas and everyone's favorite double-murderer	(28)
		The world's luckiest Giants fan finds his way past security and into the player's celebration	(27)
		M's fans rejoice Announcement of Eric Bedard trade to Seattle expected Friday. Who do the O's get? HIS NAME'S ADAM JOOONES WHAT?? ADAM JOOOOOOOONES	(51)
		Sean Salisbury calls John Clayton "Crypt Keeper" on ESPN broadcast. Stay classy, penis-man	(45)
(Buffalo News)		Hoping to avoid a move to Toronto, congressional representative for Buffalo asking the NFL to allow community ownership of the Bills similar to the Green Bay Packers model	(72)
		Illini fans abuse Eric Gordon and his family, so Gordon shoves it in their faces and leads Hoosiers to OT win. There's more than corn in Indiana after all	(41)
		NBA title chances of the crowded Western Conference: Suns are basically in the same place as before the Shaq trade	(11)
(Some Guy)		Tiki Barber actually believes he helped the Giants win the Super Bowl	(60)
		Ohio St. football recruit knew letter sent to him withdrawing scholarship offer was fraudulent because it was "scribbled." University of Michigan soon to beef up transcription curriculum	(64)
		Following reports that the NFL was cracking down on churches hosting big-screen Super Bowl parties, Sen. Arlen Specter (R-ahrah) introduces bill to give places of worship an exemption	(82)
		After 12-year battle, IndyCar Series and Champ Car may finally merge back into one series	(41)
		Shaquille O'Neal reminded that he said Steve Nash's MVPs were tainted: "No, I never said that. Did I? If I said that, delete it from the files." (Second item)	(35)
		Crazy finish to Pittsburgh vs. West Virginia basketball game, including game-winning, buzzer-beating, 3-point shot	(19)
		NASCAR driver Jamie McMurray serves on jury, signs Crown Royal bottles after aquitting defendant of molestation	(10)
		Philadelphia Phillies still in negotiations to acquire hot stripper, mediocre starting pitcher	(22)
(Some Guy)		Teams feel Colon is unremarkable	(14)
		Yankees reach deal with Cano, Wang still hanging out	(20)
		Looking back, David Cone doesn't feel so smart for helping the MLB Players Association fight off management's drug testing proposal in the mid-90s	(4)
		WWE star Brock Lesnar earned $250,000 for his UFC debut -- which he lost in 90-seconds. His opponent, Frank Mir, made only $80,000	(59)
		Ocho Cinco es muy loco en la cabeza, shoves NFL employee after Pro Bowl practice	(41)
		"More losses mean more balls, something the Leafs surely need"	(26)
		Purdue football coach Joe Tiller calls new Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez "a guy in a wizard hat selling snake oil" after high schooler reneges on commit to Boilermakers at last second to sign with Wolverines	(33)
(Sportingnews)		Daytona 500 celebrates 50 years of left turns	(38)
		University of Arizona football coach apologizes for calling Arizona State University a junior college; meant to say community college instead	(23)
		Reebok's 19-0 commercial	(65)

		Roger Clemens's ex-trainer releases photos of pitcher's steroid, bloody syringe stash. The Smoking Gauze is there	(40)
(TSN)		You can make a competent NBA team consisting solely of players who refused to report to the Toronto Raptors	(32)
		Schilling may be lost for year due to shoulder surgery. Dunkin Donuts preparing new New England Maple Cheddar Breakfast Sandwich ads	(34)
(New York Daily News)		Headline: "Ref almost blew whistle on Manning". Actual Story: "Carey said he was never close to whistling the play dead." Bonus: Manning "somehow squirted up to the front a little bit"	(25)
		Which was the worst NFL announcing team this year? Hint: the word "Kornheiser" figures prominently	(52)
(Don Imus)		The nappy-headed ho's of Rutgers knock off undefeated UConn	(11)
		Minnesota Timberwolves forward Antonie Walker says he'd welcome a trade to a contender. Well, duh	(10)
		Predators take on Hurricanes, end up facing Tornados	(10)
		Roger Clemens takes the Hill on one day rest, but with Brian McNamee coming to the plate, it looks like the suicide squeeze may be on	(14)
(Some Stupid Coach)		If you've secretly taped the girls on your swim team in the locker room, you might want to delete the files from your computer before you sell it on eBay	(131)
		In one of the biggest rivalries in international soccer, USA and Mexico play to a 2-2 draw in Houston	(62)
		Is Jim gonna be the Seahawks next coach? Mora less	(25)
		Having traded away Miguel Tejada and Erik Bedard, Baltimore Sun reporter Dan Connolly believes trading away Orioles' only remaining star player makes perfect sense. Back away from the Kool-Aid, Dan	(32)
(Some Burning Couch)		Bad: WVU players are pulled over for possession. Worse: Volunteer to show police their better bigger stash in their apartment	(18)
		Winners and losers of college football's national signing day	(40)
		Steve Spagnuolo to stay with Giants, continue to make Eli Manning look like he is capable of winning	(67)
(Some Guy)		Batshiat crazy gold digger told to leave Michael Jordan alone as he's not her baby's daddy	(20)
(Kissing Suzy Kolber)		The fingertip and helmet catch by David Tyree in the Super Bowl now has a name: The Giant Snatch	(72)
(Buffalo News)		Ralph Wilson says the Bills are not, absolutely not, moving to Toronto, which by the way has a lot more money and population. Translation: please welcome your 2012 Toronto Bills	(105)
(Billboard)		Mets officials ask Billy Joel to perform last concert at Shea Stadium in July, hopes he'll double as demolition expert after the season	(22)
		Miami Heat coach Pat Riley compares newly paired Dwyane Wade and Shawn Marion to pairing of Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Somebody please get Pat out of the Florida sun -- he's obviously suffering heatstroke	(53)
		English Premier League ready to sell out and hold matches abroad	(63)
(Some Guy)		Derek Jeter settles fight with NY tax man	(13)
		New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez caught on tape at a cockfight. His cock loses. Penis	(188)
(Some Guy)		Awesomest biking video you'll see today	(39)
		Duke beats North Cackalacka, still sucks	(88)
		Woman is first to ski down the highest peak on each continent	(13)
		Former national champion and annual ACC coaching genius Williams wins 600th game. No not that former national champion ACC coaching genius Williams, the other one. The one that WON last night. Duke sucks	(14)
		The kid who declared he was going to attend Cal without even being recruited there? Yeah, he made it all up	(43)
		NFL will cover legal losses of former Patriots employee who filmed Rams' practice before Super 35 if he delivers dirt on Pats to the league	(44)

		Former St. Louis Rams Coach Dick Vermeil, on Spygate: "Personally, I don't think it had any effect on the game. That stuff's been going on forever and I don't think you gain from it."	(56)
(SportingNews)		Nothing can stop the machine that is Nick Saban. Take that NCAA	(30)
(Jacksonville.com)		The man who was groomed to become Joe Gibbs' successor as head coach of the Washington Redskins is now the defensive coordinator for the Jacksonville Jaguars	(15)
		Nolan Ryan named president of Texas Rangers. Robin Ventura seen quietly purchasing noogie-proof helmet	(32)
		JJ Redick won't play or be traded this season, will suck	(20)
(Some Guy)		There was an unfortunate typo on PTI last night (with pic)	(42)
(TMZ.com)		"The Moment of Truth" offers Roger Clemens one million dollars for a chance to clear his name, gets some free media coverage for their efforts	(47)
		Haley Joel Osment's eight year streak of picking Super Bowl winners has ended, says he sees chokers	(19)
(NBCSports)		Randy Moss, still under the power of Belichick, says nothing but good things in the post-SuperBowl conference. Just kidding, he's back to his old self, throws coaching staff under bus	(77)
		Physical evidence linking Roger Clemens to steroid use "turned over to federal investigators" by Brian McNamee	(73)
		Top-ranked high school running back signs with Colorado, where his uncle is a sophomore	(10)
		Teemu Selanne latest old ass player to rejoin the Ducks	(18)
		David Beckham wants to "win something" this year with the Galaxy. May try to be the 1,000th person thru the gate	(13)
		Obscenity-marred teleconference trifecta hits big, thanks to botched Green Bay media conference call	(2)
(Ohio.com)		HBO's "Inside the NFL" is cancelled, goes on long, bitter vacation with Tom Brady	(40)
		Bill Belichick wasn't being a big baby when he left the field early, he was being a confused baby	(99)
		67.5% of Coloradoans would not vote for John Elway if he ran for President, those who have followed George W. Bush know why	(10)
		On the anniversary of Babe Ruth's birth, his mom gets a present. Her first headstone	(5)
		Nevada kid duped into thinking he was a Cal football recruit now reveals his family was bilked out of money by "recruiter"	(23)
(NY Daily News)		It'll cost NY Giants fans XLIII dollars for Super Bowl XLII license plates	(20)
		Rumors swirl that top high school football QB will choose Ohio State, then follow up with a great NFL career in the footsteps of other Buckeye QBs such as Art Schlichter, Bobby Hoying and Joe Germaine	(67)
		Who were the real losers of the New York Giants' Super Bowl upset over the New England Patriots? The Nevada sports books, who lost a record $2.6 million	(31)
(Some ACC Fan)		The official Duke Sucks vs UNC discussion thread	(80)
(Birmingham News)		NCAA passes rule that really only affects one head coach -- Alabama's Nick Saban	(32)
		235 people compete in sprint up 1,576 steps of Empire State Building. 215 make it to top; none finish with a base jump	(16)
		FSU president throws his athletic department under a bus, says they deserve NCAA sanctions for cheating scandal	(30)
		Fifty years ago today, bad weather and an ill-advised flight combined to remind everyone that there are more important things in life than sport	(31)
(WTAE-TV)		19-0 Patriots gear being donated to kids in third world countries	(131)
(with-malice.com)		No more high-octane, Phoenix goes diesel -- Shaq traded for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks	(117)
(18 - 1)		In the "surprising-to-anyone-who-has never-read-FARK" category: Patriots fan jumps the gun and gets a now-unfortunate tattoo	(64)
		"If we really are concerned about the health and safety of the next generation, we have got to get real. Giving every child the chance to box is a good place to start"	(48)
		Now that Pau Gasol is a Laker, Kobe Bryant steps up his play to make the Team a championship contender. Just kidding, he goes 3-13 for 6 points	(22)

		Report: Miami Heat in "serious talks" to trade Shaq to Phoenix; In other news, the Suns have apparently discovered a cure for degenerative, arthritic hips	(55)
		Giants get keys to New York City. Which are pretty useless for a team that plays in New Jersey and trains in Albany	(30)
		Gisele Bundchen never made a bet to run through midtown Manhattan naked if Patriots lost Super Bowl	(100)
(Some Guy)		NBC has already released its logo for Super Bowl XLIII which features "with blue and green hues designed to reflect the natural elements of Tampa Bay." Which means it will show drunk NASCAR fans in a Waffle House?	(42)
(Monterey Herald)		If you're disappointed Tom Brady won't show up at the Pro Bowl, you can still see him at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am... wait, never mind, he just blew that off, too	(52)
		Denver Broncos won more games in a three year span than anyone plus back to back titles, but they are from Denver	(52)
		Media's post-Super Bowl exaggeration of player injuries making Black Knight of Monty Python's Holy Grail look day-to-day	(8)
		Ron Artest says the Sacramento Kings would be better off if he wasn't on the team. Fans would be safer, too	(6)
(Some Guy)		Giants QB and Super Bowl XLII MVP Eli Manning on Sunday: "I'm going to Disneyworld". Pats DB Willie Andrews on Tuesday: "I'm going to...get cited for marijuana possession"	(30)
(Some Guy)		Which is a tougher role for ESPN's Jay Bilas -- playing an Alien cop in a Dolph Lundgren movie, or sitting next to Dook Vitale for two hours?	(21)
		In a stunning coincidence, one week after former Patriots staff member Matt Walsh claims to have filmed Rams 2001 Super Bowl practice, a 2001 Patriots "Staff" Super Bowl ring pops up on eBay (for $125,000)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Sacramento Kings girlie man Brad Miller cuts finger doing dishes, gets nine stitches, may miss game	(15)
		Brett Favre opts out of the 2008 Pro Bowl. Stay classy, Green Bay	(67)
(Some Guy)		A high school offensive lineman announced that he was headed to California to play for Jeff Tedford, but it appears somebody was impersonating Tedford because Cal had never heard of the guy. The cops are investigating	(31)
		NFL headed for a fall (Fark gets mention on Page 2)	(40)
		Having lost the Super Bowl, there's still some good news -- the Patriots may lose Randy Moss and Asante Samuel to free agency, and Rodney Harrison, Tedy Bruschi, and Junior Seau may retire. Well, it's good news for everybody else	(165)
		Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Palmer wins lawsuit over botched eye surgery, physical and mental pain, suffering. Orioles fans consider suing Peter Angelos for botched trades, physical and mental pain, suffering	(10)
		Roger Clemens takes the mound at Capitol Hill today with a chance to strike out at allegations of HGH use and throw chin music at former teammate Andy Pettite	(21)
		Bobby Knight bolted to give son head coaching experience. Oh, and he was tired, too	(34)
		If you thought 18-1 was bad, wait till Boston learns it just spawned a new dynasty... in New York	(116)
(Intentional Foul)		Finally, the Super Bowl commentary you've been wanting to see: Carl from "Aqua Teen"	(38)
(Metro)		I saw a tortoise, it was on the second shelf behind the beer and the jar of tabasco olives	(20)
(The Wicked Wrister)		How to: Properly celebrate an awesome save on a penalty shot	(39)

(kfor.com)		Former OSU coach Eddie Sutton celebrates 800th win. That's a whole lot of champagne in the locker room	(11)
(Some Guy)		Probably the best 11-year old basketball player you've ever seen	(69)
		Maryland basketball is already on the bubble this season, with a head coach who is eight months pregnant with twins (with pics, video)	(12)
		Theft of $150,000 Super Bowl pool still unsolved one car, one bar and one year later	(39)
		Bob Knight throws in the chair. His son will take over the chair throwing duties for Texas Tech	(92)
		Tiki Barber takes a break from whitening his teeth and researching back-to-school fashions to interview the world-champion teammates he quit on	(44)
		Tom Brady opts out of the 2008 Pro Bowl. Stay classy, Boston	(198)
		In charting the abyss of celebrity and NFL analyst Super Bowl predictions, only one person even came close. Ladies and gentleman, we give you Dr. Joyce Brothers	(17)
		Bush calls the Patriots, congratulates them on a perfect season	(75)
		Prosecutors choke, drop assault case against former basketball star Latrell Sprewell	(2)
		To help New England fans: The five stages of Patriots grief	(63)
		Soccer tournament to punish rowdy, drunk fans and fights on the pitch. But one team will continue to sing a hymn before each match, regardless of what the pope says	(6)
(Star Telegram)		Devean George would rather play for a loser to increase his next contract than stay with a contender. Perhaps Latrell Sprewell rubbed off on him	(17)
		Roger Clemens' former best friend for life, Andy Pettite, testifying on Capitol Hill today	(11)
		Giants wide receiver Amani Toomer before New York shocked the Patriots: "They were inviting us to their victory parties after the game"	(38)
		Judge rules that Michael Vick can keep his $20 million signing bonus	(23)
(Some Guy)		Don Mattingly's wife is arrested. Her mugshot is nearly as embarrassing as Nick Nolte's	(36)
(Seattle weekly)		Tom Petty manages to sneak in small phallic reference	(201)
		Adam Jones is in Baltimore. Unless he's a HUGE fan of "The Wire," the Bedard trade is done	(37)
(Amazon.com)		Fire sale on Amazon.com: 19-0, the story of the undefeated New England Patriots	(487)
		Caption New England coach Bill Belichick leaving the field at the Super Bowl	(96)