The Mariners have officially quit the season. It was fun, but maybe next year a real manager will be hired to lead this team	(18)
		Today's "yeah, ok, well good luck with that, let us know it turns out, mmmkay?" thread brought to you by Michigan's belief it can still win the Big Ten and get a BCS Bowl Game invite	(38)
(CBS 46)		Russell Ellington, former coach of the Harlem Globetrotters, dead at 69. Washington Generals wanted for questioning	(3)
		Shock defeats Fever to tie series in Medical Condition Championships. Cowbell not included	(16)
(Some Sunday Night Racer)		Two races left till the Chase: Sharp AQUOS 500 discussion thread	(330)
		Mouse pad throwing competition in full swing. "We aim to ultimately have the sport included in the Olympics"	(9)
		By beating up on Puerto Rico in the FIBA Americas, Team USA Basketball earned a spot to embarrass themselves in the 2008 Olympics	(17)
		Arizona Diamondbacks execs buy controlling interest in Troy Aikman's NASCAR team, make paint scheme even uglier	(13)
		Michigan defensive coordinator Ron English is likely to be the one thrown under the bus over the Appalachian State debacle	(128)
(Sporting News)		All New England Patriots take a step forward. Not so fast, Vinnie Testaverde	(31)
		What do you do if you're an $80 million dollar soccer player and just won a big game? Five girls at once, of course	(33)
		Electric motorcycle ohms competition at race track	(30)
		Racecar driver AJ Allmendinger didn't forget about Poland, injuring Brad Keselowski's leg in a NASCAR crash to be replayed on sportsbar plasma screens 'til the end of time	(28)
		Red Sox rookie throws a no-hitter in his second start. But it was against the Baltimore Orioles, so it doesn't really count	(230)

		Notre Dame courageously plays on without courageous former QB Brady Quinn, gets courageously slaughtered by Georgia Tech. Courageously	(66)
		A-Rod's bat confiscated after Joe Torre has umpires confiscate Tampa Bay's Akinori Iwamura bat during Ian Kennedy's MLB debut	(50)
(WPVI)		Cal hands out 50,000 megaphones to let the Tennessee Volunteers know they're there	(21)
		The story of one of the greatest baseball pranks ever, a player who lost his job for throwing a potato	(14)
		Cardinals outfielder Juan Encarnacion out for season, possibly career, after taking foul ball to the face	(35)
		The Philadelphia Eagles sign the most bad ass punter EVER, who also happens to be the oldest rookie to ever get an NFL contract. If you don't get off his lawn he'll punt you 65 yards and then beat you up	(28)
(Some Guy)		Dallas Cowboys QB coach Wade Wilson suspended five games for violating NFL substance abuse policy	(18)
		Maria Sharapova and her red dress knocked out of the US Open. Apparently, she forgot about Poland	(15)
		Lloyd Carr breaks new ground, chokes at the BEGINNING of the season as unranked Appalachian State upsets #5 Michigan	(374)
		This is why you should never trust your IT Department not to drink before a holiday weekend: Philadelphia Eagles accidently publish their cut list a day early on website	(11)
		Pedro Martinez could return this Monday, just in time to witness the Mets' collapse	(11)
		Old & busted: Mets tickets for an arm and a leg. New hotness: Mets tickets for blood	(5)
(Sunday Morning Quarterback)		Today's official college football discussion thread. Notre Dame fans demand a shot at the national title, point to their current undefeated record	(820)
		Patriot safety Rodney Harrison suspended 4 games by the NFL for admitted HGH use	(52)
		Rick Ankiel hits a go-ahead grand slam to help bring the Cardinals within a half game of .500 (which just happens to be 2 games behind the NL Central leader)	(31)
(nfl.com)		Leftwich expected to be released or traded; is Garrard the right move?	(21)
		The Angels now have the best record in baseball and are #1 in the ESPN Power Rankings	(34)
		Twins' pitcher not named Santana goes 8 perfect innings before walking a batter and then giving up a hit	(8)

		What goes 8 mph, weighs 10 pounds, runs on raw egg and tuna fish?	(19)
		Newcastle United owner barred from pub because he was wearing team's soccer jersey; after doormen find out who he is and let him in, he buys drinks for all 300 patrons and leaves a £500 tip	(16)
		Matt Leinart isn't a dogfighter, but he does know what kind of dog would make the perfect woman	(11)
(Chicago Tribune)		Cubs trade for pitcher Steve Trachsel. Strangely, Cubs fans are now a lot more nervous about making the postseason than they were 24 hours ago	(35)
		NHL billboard: "The only thing our refs shave is the ice"	(40)
		Ex-NHLer Pavel Bure kicked off British Airways flight because he looked like a soccer hooligan	(13)
(Vince Vaughn)		Team AK wins this year's Dodgeball tourney. Coverage provided by ESPN 8 "The Ocho"	(6)
(Biz of Football)		NFL to launch new image ad campaign without mentioning any dog murderers, drunk drivers, or Bengals	(9)
(AOL Sports)		Lloyd Carr reflects on his legacy: being NCAA poster boy for the Heimlich Maneuver	(23)
		Toronto Maple Leafs win championship	(17)
		Philadelphia Eagles backup QB A.J. Feeley has surgery on his non-interception-throwing hand	(25)
		Carmelo Anthony has become the most dangerous scorer on the planet	(22)
		Hey guys, remember me? I rolled on Ookie like you asked. Can I get out of jail now?	(9)
		Terry Francona gets called out by fashion police. In the middle of the game with a man on second	(196)
		Have fun trying to explain losing your house because your fantasy football kicker muffed three field goals	(11)
		"They call themselves Red Sox Nation, the same arrogant way the Cowboys call themselves America's Team. And the whole thing is getting a little old"	(292)
		The first shot in the Arsenal vs Arseski boardroom war has been fired	(25)
		Gibbs racing strikes a deal to race with Toyota, confusing Dan Snyder who immediately tries to trade for Ichiro Suzuki	(21)
		WWE suspends 10 wrestlers for violating the steroids policy it suddenly remembered it had	(83)
		The world's fastest man is Gay	(38)
		Two awesome catches in a row by Chicago Bears receivers	(55)
(Sons of Sam Malone)		The Sports Movie Girlfriend Draft (or, the ten hottest girlfriends from sports movies)	(44)
(wane-tv)		NCAA removes head from ass, allows Sooner booster to raise funds for family of slain Oklahoma recruit	(7)
(Bleeding Green Nation)		The NFL has changed its logo for the first time in 30 years. Although you'd never know by looking at it	(41)

		Philadelphia Phillies sweep the Mets in four-game series. In other news, there are baseball rivalries other than the Red Sox and Yankees	(53)
		Yankees sweep Red Sox. Bonus: Requisite "Joba relieves Wang in 8th inning" joke	(98)
		NHL goal judges relocated to where it will be hard to judge goals	(38)
(Go Crew!)		Can we have another Brewers/Cubs discussion thread for those of us who don't live on the East Coast?	(72)
		The words "drunken orgy" get thrown around a lot these days, but they're never more apt then when applied to Ohio State "fans"	(50)
		College football begins tonight, so let's look at the 20 arbitrarily chosen must-watch games of the season	(190)
		Chicago White Sox terror alert raised to "red" as manager Ozzie Guillen goes on profanity-filled tirade following loss to Texas	(28)
(with-malice.com)		Understanding Rugby: Other War Dances	(43)
		Cincinnati Bengals DE Frostee Rucker gets one-game freeze-out from league	(13)
		Yonge Street already packed in anticpation of Stanley Cup parade: Leafs interested in Forsberg	(29)
		You sign for your favorite childhood football club and you are to be paraded through the city. Do you: A) Get a good night's rest? B) Celebrate with family? Or C) Get arrested at 5:30 a.m. on suspicion for having class-A drugs with intent to sell?	(20)
		Patriots sign Hanson to take over at punter, mmmbop with Tom Brady	(15)
		Tampa Bay Buccaneers QB Bruce Gradkowski named in FBI investigation into point-shaving while he was in college. Gradkowski blames injuries instead of his constant sucking	(9)
(Some Canuck)		Vancouver Canucks unveil brand new boatload of ugly	(55)
		Discussion thread: UEFA Champions League draw. Which Eastern European country will your team have to visit?	(52)
(redsox.com)		The Baconator vs. a forceful Wang: Day 3 of the only series that matters (to the East Coast) discussion thread	(780)
(Some Guy)		There's nothing like settling into your new $700 skybox seat to watch a good game of high school football	(34)
		Most fans don't want Vick back in NFL. Thank you for that crack observation, Mr. Romero	(56)
		Jet-powered street luge: 112 mph, with your face two inches off the ground. Story includes video. Want	(14)
		Third soccer player in 10 days takes first prize in World Grass Diving Championship	(15)
(Sporting News)		NASCAR can't cement deal for development league sponsorship after Anheuser-Busch pulls out. They should enlist the Democratic Party, who also have image problems and constantly turn left	(16)
		David Beckham, freshly returned from injury and ready to earn his multi-million dollar contract, gets injured. (With great crotch-shot pic)	(35)
(Some Padre fan)		I know, I know. It's not Yankees vs. Red Sox, but the Padres just beat the Diamondbacks three times to regain first place	(29)
		Yankees fan demands sheriff's office pursue hate crime charges after someone burns his championship flag. "Seems to me somebody either doesn't like New Yorkers or they just don't like the New York Yankees"	(39)
		USA Today includes Bradshaw in their 2007 "Top 25 NFL players of the past 25 years," because, you know, he did play that one game 24 seasons before this one	(27)

		NBC's "Sunday Night Football" decides that it doesn't suck enough, hires Faith Hill to sing its theme song this season	(32)
		Atlanta fans get behind Joey Harrington	(35)
		Yankee fans having collective orgasm over rookie reliever Joba Chamberlain, leaving behind their tattered, stained photos of Kevin Maas, Shane Spencer, and Brien Taylor. Shelley Duncan weeps silently on the bench	(36)
		We are the Bucks that say "Yi" (Subby gives a shrubbery in exchange for season tickets)	(19)
		Fueled by a 5-gallon jug of mochachino double-espresso extra whip latte, Peter King lists his top 500 NFL players	(44)
		The wine and cheese crowd need no longer feel out of place at Nascar races with Jeff Gordon wines	(24)
		Smelley, Cocks look to dominate SEC. Good thing he doesn't play for Oregon State	(28)
		It's time once again for the U.S. Open tennis tournament, which really means it's time once again for Yahoo to post lots of pictures of hot young tennis players in short skirts. Giggity	(19)
		Will it be 6 or 8? Arguments begin to the right, in your official 8/29 Yankees-Red Sox thread	(738)
		Maria Sharapova looks good in red. Oh yeah, she won her match too	(15)
(Some Metro)		"The NFL's message is clear. Beat a woman? Play on. Beat a dog? You're gone"	(82)
		Ron "The Interactive Fan Experience" Artest is happy with Vick's apology and thinks he will emerge a better person. Thanks Ron	(19)
(North West Evening Mail)		Soccer goalie claims his goalkeeping skills were hindered by his jinxed pink jersey	(25)
		Ryan Howard's walk off homer helps to cut the Mets lead to 4 games so lets have an NL East discussion thread	(97)
		West Ham manager Alan Curbishley is furious that one of his players was injured by a rash tackle. Irony tag falls to the ground and grabs ankle	(13)
		Milwaukee Brewers lose for 11th time in 14 games, fall from first place to third. Well, at least they have plenty of beer to drown their sorrows	(43)
		Undefeated US basketball team continues to steamroll the competition by flattening Puerto Rico	(12)
(Daily Herald)		45½ pt favorite USC expects to treat Idaho like they were in an airport men's room	(11)
		Dan Shaughnessy continues the daily quest by the Boston media to jinx the Red Sox	(23)
		NY Yankees pull human batting practice machine from starting rotation	(94)
(NY Daily News)		Michael Strahan says he'll decide whether to resume his career with the NY Giants within the next day or two, definitely before the bye week	(16)
(Some guy)		After he crashed his new Lamborghini Lance Briggs did what everybody does. He panicked	(19)
		Not News: 38-year-old former Raiders quarterback charged with possession of meth; Fark: Cops originally cited him for illegal skateboarding	(22)
		Juan Pablo Montoya says he's looking forward to racing with Jacques Villeneuve in NASCAR. In related news, JPM likes to say "racing with" when he really means "slamming broadside into"	(28)
		Another day, another sports writer picks New England to win Super Bowl XLII	(32)
		Contrary to popular belief, you do have to be able to read to play football in the SEC	(21)

		Not news: athlete caught with steroids. News: he's 13. Fark: his father gave them to him to help train for an international rollerskating team	(38)
		Tim Couch trying to become a sofa	(27)
		Online auction for Barry Bonds' record-breaking balls underway. Bidders encouraged to wait until shrinkage subsides	(43)
		Houston Rockets point guard Rafer Alston arrested for the second time in three weeks. The first arrest was for shaking and spitting on a parking attendant. This time, he slit a man's throat. Heard muttering "I am not a role model"	(25)
(NBC10)		Police find 200 pills plus a $10 bill with residue on it in car driven by son of Eagles coach Andy Reid. Will Reid take a leave of absence again to deal with his kids?	(32)
		Manchester United's Ole Gunnar Solskjaer finally says goodbye to football, people who can't say his last name properly	(31)
		Broncos running back Travis Henry has fathered a baseball team, never strikes out	(43)
(Some Guy)		Arsenal v. Manchester City being hailed as the future of English Football, Chelsea and Blackburn kick each other's ankles, fall to the ground and charge the author when they don't get the call	(28)
		Atlanta Vicks beat the Cincinnati Chris Henrys 24-19 on Monday Night Felons	(45)
		Mexican basketball team snuck into the second round game against the U.S., did the dirty work to stay close, ultimately fell unrewarded	(23)
(Some Midwest Guy)		Who gives a shiat about Yankees/Red Sox? Brewers vs Cubs discussion thread	(206)
		Ed Belfour parts ways with the NHL	(53)
		Schilling is fat, Jeter and A-Rod are gay, Gagne is a bust, Igawa is the biggest mistake in baseball history, Carl Pavano and JD Drew are injured frequently: It's the 8/28 Red Sox vs Yankees Discussion thread	(957)
		Detroit Tigers put Gary Sheffield on 15-day DL because of a shoulder injury. Unfortunately, for the next two weeks, he'll still be able to run his mouth	(10)
		New York Ranger gets dropped by Elisha Cuthbert and rejected by Paris Hilton in the same night, foreshadowing his next visit to Philadelphia	(44)
(Gazette Times)		Beavers snatch a victory so decisive, it made the Rainbows want to switch teams	(9)
		Lackey continues domination over Mariners as Angels extend their division lead to three. And to increase the chance of this getting greenlit: YANKEES RED SOX MICHAEL VICK	(30)
		Owner of Houston LASTROS fires Manager Phil "Grumpy" Garner, and General Manager Tim "Bashful" Purpura. Interim replacements Sleepy and Dopey expected to be no improvement with failing team. Hi ho	(28)

		Here's this year's NFL pick 'um game. Please don't cry when you lose. Pool: FARK| Number: 1170| PW: fark	(84)
		Dale Earnhardt Jr will drive the number 38 car next season	(60)
		In a city filled with a history of sports soap operas, the NY Giants are building a stage that would make George Steinbrenner and Billy Martin proud. And it’s only August	(29)
		Joe Paterno doesn't have email, but Penn State coaching staff teaches playbook on Madden Playstation 3	(11)
		New England Patriots CB Asante Samuel finally decides to end his holdout and take the measly $7.79 million, one-year contract that comes with "franchise player" tag	(21)
		The one place where the U.S. can lose heavily to Tonga and Samoa: It's time for the Rugby World Cup	(30)
		Thirty-year-old pitcher sleeping in camper behind AAA team's stadium gets wake-up call, to make debut in majors. Pitcher drives to Cincy immediately after receiving call	(30)
		Mets can't handle biscuits and gravy	(68)
		If there's one thing busted celebrities teach us over and over, it's that it is never too late to use the "I found Jesus" card, even if you've pleaded guilty to dogfighting	(418)
		Since Joe Paterno's first day coaching football at Penn State, there have been 798 coaching changes at NCAA division 1 schools as well as 798,000 punks successfully shooed off Paterno's lawn	(18)
		Blue Jays' AAA team headed to DL after 10 error outing. Morris Buttermaker hired as new manager	(11)
		Vick-less Falcons may snap up spleen-less QB Chris Simms	(43)
		It's so cute how the Colorado Rockies think they still have a shot at the postseason	(26)
		Peter King offers alternatives to long NFL preseasons, including an 18-game season and unlimited half-caf vente mochachinos in sports writers' box	(31)
		The biggest question in the NFL this pre-season: Who was driving Lance Briggs' crashed Lamborghini, found abandoned by police alongside of highway?	(64)
(Some Guy)		It's Week One of college football, and Hawaii is favored by an astronomical 59.5 points against Northern Colorado	(35)
		L.A. Beckhams' coach reportedly to get blown out thanks to 3-10-5 record, ankle-biting fans	(28)
		Ookie has until December 10 to keep it real, then he gets to work on his street cred	(52)
(TSN)		The 2007 Canada/Russia super series begins Monday morning in Ufa, Russia. No, I said U-F-A. Grow up	(18)
(Some Guy)		Michael Vick to plead guilty hours before the Falcons face the Bengals. Felons expected at both events	(37)
		David Wells wins his first outing for the Dodgers. Grady Little procures Krispy Kreme in appreciation	(21)
(insidebayarea.com)		Blind athlete aiming for Para-Olympics, center of toilet	(7)
		Not Fark: Soccer player takes a dive but miraculously recovers to walk off the pitch. Fark: The dive was caused by a heart attack	(18)