(Herald Net)		Jonn Sleeper thinks you should donate your fantasy football winnings to help end homelessness	(5)
(newsnet5)		Browns quarterback Brady Quinn courageously charges upwards of $225 for an autograph	(32)
		"I'll outmaneuver them at every turn... I've kicked their ass in private, I'll continue to kick their ass in public"	(29)
		No Sergio Garcia, you can't have a Major Win. Not yours. Padraig Harrington wins the British Open	(21)
		ESPN got just a tad bit overdramatic in their coverage of David Beckham's MLS debut Saturday night	(33)
		Beckham loses in Galaxy debut. This headline is for you overseas Farkers because Americans don't give a damn	(124)
(International Herald-Tribune)		Kazakh Alexandre Vinokourov blows away field in time trial stage of Tour de France, gains nearly 3 minutes on leader Cheatie McLiarstein. Borat approves	(11)
		Stoner claims pole at Laguna Seca. Harold and Kumar plan to have White Castles and Twinkies ready in victory circle for him	(10)
		Yankees trade for catcher Molina. No not that catcher Molina, the other one. No not him either, the other guy. Either Gummo or Beppo, I can't remember	(70)

(NYDaily)		Grand jury is confident that it now has enough evidence to secure an indictment against Bonds. Once it resumes, that is. In September	(22)
		Tiger Woods gives 63-year old lady a "shot to the face"	(20)
(IAAF)		25 Year-old American mile record is broken. Nobody cares	(25)
		Minor league team walks off field in middle of loss. Phillies players ask, "you can do that?"	(15)
(sportsline.com)		French-language newspaper in Switzerland declares cycling officially dead; publishes obit for sport in place of Tour results from yesterday. Abe Vigoda still alive	(10)
		Jose Valentin breaks leg with foul ball. What's ironic about that? He had put off surgery on that same knee so he could reach a 400 at bat incentive that guarantees him a $4.3 million contract next season	(23)
		Marlins' Scott Olsen throws his hat in the ring for Stupid Douchenozzle Athlete of the week	(16)
		Joey Harrington's ready to lead the Falcons to the promised land in the event Michael Vick goes away for a bit	(38)
		Chicago Cubs move to within 2.5 games of the Milwaukee Brewers after latest win. I still believe	(44)

		The Smoking Gun's weekly mug shot gallery brings you folks caught wearing NBA and NFL jerseys. #1 is sporting a David Kircus for some reason	(40)
		A-Rod unveils and signs copies of his new children's book: "Little Aaron and the Secret Mancrush He Had on the Team's Shortstop"	(14)
		No soccer hooligans at FIFA U20, so team riots instead	(19)
		Accused NBA game-fixing referee didn't see Feds coming, despite Lasik surgery endorsement	(3)
		Jealous of the popularity of Curt Schilling's blog, Wily Mo Pena spices up his MySpace page	(14)
		Phoenix Suns trade Kurt Thomas and two first-round draft picks for a sack of magic beans	(19)
		Look out: They're a top 15 team now. Arguments about latest power rankings begin to the right	(43)
		ESPN reporting that the NBA referee under investigation is 12-year veteran Tim Donaghy	(71)
		Michigan basketball player gets granted an extra year of eligiblity and another chance to watch the NCAA tourney on his couch with his teammates	(33)
		The NFL, the NFLPA and the Atlanta Falcons are working together toward convincing Michael Vick to take a paid leave of absence	(58)
(Some Guy)		Needing a par on the 18th to stay around the cut line at the British Open, Phil Mickelson... ahh, you know the rest	(12)
		Pair of UFC fighters test positive for steroids. The sport is shaken to its very core	(47)
		Today's "pro wrestler found dead" story brought to you by New Hampshire	(80)
		Beckham to sit out Chelsea match; Ticket brokers still asking $1,500 per seat to game	(28)
		Senator Byrd (D-ramatic) wants to have Michael Vick executed for dogfighting. Funny, who knew the Senate had that power	(553)
		Feds probing NBA referee in Mafia-connected point-spread scandal. Still no cure for Golden State 111, Dallas 86... wink, wink	(104)
		"PETA to protest the NFL over Vick." There's no telling what they'll do when they find out what footballs are made of	(42)
		Cubs' Wood impressive in latest rehab outing, will return to DL because of... *shakes Magic 8-Ball*... an unfortunate shopping cart accident	(24)

(Some Guy)		Ensuring Fark has steady supply of Monday morning headlines, Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans can now buy hard liquor at the stadium	(12)
		Chris Carpenter wins 2007 Carl Pavano Award	(25)
		In a perfect microcosm of his entire career, John Daly takes lead at Open Championship, and then proceeds to fire a double and then a triple bogey on the next two holes	(5)
(Some Guy)		What all parents of missing kids want to see: Their child’s face being slammed into a wall at 145 mph	(10)
		Steve Francis signs $6 million deal to return to Houston. Good thing for him, since that's where he seems to have left his talent	(14)
		Ever wonder how the names, numbers, and logos get onto your athletic apparel?	(34)
		752* ... oh wait, make that 753*	(104)
(Winning The Turnover Battle)		Whose fans are hotter, Yankees or Red Sox? (Safe for work photos)	(110)
		The NY Islanders don't do many things right, but bringing Al Arbour back, even for one game, doesn't qualify	(25)
		"Whenever I watch highlights of the game, I can still hear Peterson say, 'Let's fake 'em out' before calling the halfback pass, then quickly turning around and screaming 'Statue!' for the game-winner"	(90)
		Stan is getting Kroenke about meeting the rest of the Arsenal board	(11)
		ESPN anchors wonder on-air if Barry Bonds is deliberately skipping ESPN TV games (he's sat out all three this season)	(34)
(LAist)		SF Giants mascot Lou Seal sprays silly string in Dodgers fan's $10 beers, gets the whupping he so richly deserves	(64)
		Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury says he'll play in Italy after his current contract is up; compares the move to David Beckham coming to the U.S.	(31)
		Tom Brady sends in backup to read testimony at Charlie Weis malpractice trial. Bull Shannon not amused	(7)
		A-Rod: Suck it. Whoa, not you, Derek!	(105)
		Yankees bias in the media, example No. 139,417: A seven-game deficit means the Yanks are "tightening up the race"	(145)
(CricInfo)		Cricketer buried. Well, part of him anyway	(3)
		Julian Tavarez: Bostonian for "Kei Igawa"	(54)
(Sportsline.com)		Japanese reporter loses MLB credentials after asking Roger Clemens for autograph; was unaware of rule and accepts penalty, further highlighting cultural differences. You see, here in America, we sue when something like this happens	(18)
(sportsline)		Gary Sheffield fined by MLB for comments made about umpires, NOT for calling Joe Torre a kind-of-racist and Derek Jeter a cross-breed	(20)

		Ken Griffey Jr. joins 2,500-hit club	(25)
		Player says other golfers have admitted to steroid use. Which player? Player. I don't know? THIRD BASE	(33)
		Report: Michael Vick's cousin ratted out Atlanta QB to feds about dog abuse after Vick outed him to the media	(155)
		111-year-old Julio Franco signs with the Atlanta Braves. Now, get off his lawn	(27)
		Columnist: Vick facing a different kind of pressure now. Especially if he drops the soap	(19)
(Some Guy)		Jenn Sterger is one of the Hottest Athletes.... because "Athletes" is defined as "being a whore"	(8)
		Fidel Castro said that he has been so engrossed with Cuba's performance at the Pan American Games in Brazil that he hasn't tortured or killed anybody in weeks	(48)
		Not even the opportunity to escape communism is enough to make someone want to play for the Milwaukee Bucks	(34)
		If you had "10 days" in the Tour de France doping pool, get ready to collect	(17)
(CBS.Sportsline)		The Indians have had a season-long obsession with "RBI Baseball," placating Jobu	(40)
		Javelin throwing at senior-citizen athletic event moved away from track after a contestant was speared. Article fails to mention how far, but since there are 90-year-olds competing, submitter guesses that five feet would do	(5)
		Young hockey players gearing up to attend summer fight camp. No, not hockey camp. Fight camp	(25)
		Hey Mets fans, better not look over your shoulder or you might see an Atlanta-sized truck... going in reverse to exactly where they were two weeks ago	(21)
		David Beckham and a whopping 2000 fans watch as the L.A. Galaxy lose 3-0 at home to some middling team from Mexico. Welcome to American "soccer," Becks	(68)
		Proof that Barry Bonds took steroids and Bud Selig knew it	(84)
(Bugs and Cranks)		A five-minute video rundown of the history that has been made since the last time the Pittsburgh Pirates were in the postseason (not safe for Bobby McFerrin haters)	(44)
		Jerry Yang is your 2007 WSOP Main Event champion. Let the "poker isn't a sport" debate commence	(62)
		FIFA to decide who owns Carlos Tevez -- West Ham, or his money-laundering agent who wants to sell him to Man United	(15)
		New FIFA world rankings released. Guess who ELSE isn't in the Top 10 anymore	(32)
		Lebron James goes to the NBA Finals with 11 anonymous teammates. Now will host SNL with 11 anonymous actors	(43)
		New father Tiger Woods rejoins PGA tour to get some damn sleep	(9)
(Post Journal)		NASCAR legends Joe Nemechek and Sterling Marlin fired, warn rookies to stay off their lawn	(23)

		Michael Vick is a dog killer, feds say. The Smoking Gun is there	(300)
		It looks as if college football is headed to a +1 format in 2011	(120)
		ESPN internal memo addressing employee concerns, new cover sheets for TPS Reports	(48)
		MLS capitalizing on success through slow, calculated, well thought out expansion. NHL seen furiously taking notes	(31)
		Dolphins decide they won't be needing Daunte Culpepper's clipboard-holding services after all	(24)
(Some Guy)		France tries to woo English tourists with ad campaign featuring rugby players kissing and fondling one another (pic)	(15)
		Spectator's dog wanders into path of Tour de France rider; bike wrecked, dog and cyclist unhurt. In other news, the Tour de France began 9 days ago	(100)
(Hampton Union)		Firefighters rescue Red Sox tickets	(21)
		Maybe Joe Torre should manage the Red Sox if he's racist	(29)
(Austin American Statesman)		Sharks, rays, blood and bacteria: What's not to love about wade fishing?	(61)
		Baltimore Orioles slugger Miguel Tejada ready to rehab his broken wrist by playing some tee-ball. Sadly, most of his teammates are already playing at the tee-ball level	(7)
		Why is it that the only people coming to Joe Torre's defense against claims of racial bias are sportswriters and not players?	(55)
		Johnny Bench compares Barry Bonds' steroid use to Tiger Woods' lasik eye surgery	(74)
		Know that "Beckham-Cam" ESPN plans to use Saturday for his debut against Chelsea? Yeah, hope you like stationary shots	(68)
		FARKtv proves Barry Bonds took steroids and Bud Selig knew about it	(38)
		London police raid Newcastle, Pompey and Rangers as part of football corruption investigation. Lemming of the BDA unavailable for comment	(28)
		Darryl Strawberry might be a cokehead, but even he knows that Gary Sheffield's a goddamned liar	(57)
(Some Guy)		Nothing fans of Toronto Maple Leafs didn't already know, but new study finds fans pay more for team's continued failure	(19)
		Five-time major championship winner Seve Ballesteros has called it a career	(5)
		Australian rugby player does his best to live up to the footballer stereotype by unknowingly having an opposition player's tooth stuck in his forehead for 15 weeks	(10)
		Old man Lance Armstrong has the ball to take on the pre-asterisked Floyd Landis in a mountain bike race. Hero tag for Lance in general	(56)

(cbssportsline)		Asterisk-free Griffey passes Frank Robinson for 6th all time with his 587th homer	(40)
		Cubs acquire Jason Kendall from the A's for Steve Bartman and a billy goat to be named later	(75)
		Jeremy Roenick's "retirement" lasted all of, oh, 11 days. Submitter is shocked, absolutely SHOCKED, that Roenick would do something that would invite media scrutiny	(15)
		Disney somehow misses MLS + Mickey Mouse association, signs Chelsea as "official soccer club" of company	(11)
(nbc11.com)		The following prostitution busts are trademarks or service marks of Major League Baseball entities and may be used only with permission of Major League Baseball	(38)
		The story of Maurice G. Flitcroft, a hacker who crashed the British Open six times, managing to play a couple of complete rounds at, well, slightly over par	(8)
(weird biz)		Religious nutbag warns "Sports Nuts" of God's impending judgment	(25)
		It's Monday and another Michael Vick relative is due in court on criminal charges	(8)
		Preseason NFL power rankings	(110)
		Kevin Millar says that he would rather stay and help the Baltimore Orioles build a winner than join a club that already is one. Good luck with that	(7)
		After getting stabbed in a fight and arrested for marijuana possession, highly touted South Carolina offensive lineman Quintin "Captain Understatement" Richardson says, "I have made some bad decisions." Ya think?	(5)
		Nashville* Predators sign Zanon, draft picks, defenseman, moving company	(4)
(Some Guy)		Adam LaRoche sneaks into Braves' locker room and cuts up their underwear. Braves sneak into Pittsburgh locker room, leave Pirate uniforms	(13)
		Wait, what is this? A feel good piece about Ron Artest that involves him buying a house in Kenya to help feed poor children? Is it April 1st or something?	(15)
		Cleveland Indians give Wedge a 3 year contract extension, effectively squashing all chance of a Rogue Squadron reunion	(23)
		Joe DiMaggio's diaries for sale. Thought plane food "should be fed to pigs."	(23)
		Today's article on Steinbrenner's growing senility is brought to you by Forbes	(6)
		Rather than hang on for another 20 years playing the senior circuit, two-time Masters champ Seve Ballesteros calls it a career	(7)
		New Phil Mickelson line of golf shirts come with extra-tight collars to make choking easier	(15)
		ESPN/ABC sign an 8 year broadcast agreement with the WNBC, barely beating out Fox Sports Net 2, and Cable Access for the rights	(44)
		Cubs sweep Astros at home for the first time since 1984, are 15-4 in their last 19 games. I still believe	(48)
		Barry Bonds calls himself an "embarrassment"	(54)
		Man sets stationary biking record which begs the question "What's the point, man?"	(24)
		Tony Stewart conquers the USG Sheetrock 400 for his first win of 2007	(24)
		Soccer star Wayne Rooney buys new Hummer after falling in love with the truck because its shape is the same as his head	(15)
(Some Guy)		Thierry Henry gives his wife her second yellow card of the match, thus she has been sent off	(18)
(Fox Sports)		The Philadelphia Phillies haven't failed... they've just found 10,000 ways that don't work	(45)