(TSN.ca)		Toronto Blue Jays pull rookie pitcher after six innings while he was pitching a no-hitter. Jays lose Jays lose	(14)
(nascar.com)		Jeff Gordon steams his way to Hendrick Motorsports 5th-straight CoT win at Darlington	(17)
		Division I baseball coach to airport security guards: "Oh... That? Ummm. It's a hairdryer...?"	(7)
		In today's finest example of a poorly written headline and article, sports writer indicates that "Cooter Continues to be Plentiful in Tennessee."	(6)
		A German sex toy company has been ordered to pay 50,000 euros in damages to two German football stars after selling vibrators named for them during last year's World Cup	(29)
		13 year old boy gets Tedy Bruschi to throw up a gang sign...no, wait, Tedy's giving the shocker (with great pic)	(12)
(Some Jays Fan)		Injury ridden Toronto Blue Jays ask fans to donate first aid supplies at Wednesday's game	(7)
		Sheffield United, you are the weakest link. Goodbye	(16)
		Official NHL Playoff Thread - Mother's Day 2007 - Red Wings vs. Ducks 7:30ET	(342)
		Brett Favre demands trade from Packers after the team failed to land Randy Moss	(25)
(TSN)		Team Canada goes undefeated, wins 2007 World Hockey Championships	(17)
		NBA Playoffs discussion thread - Dwayne Wade watching Da Bulls and pondering "We got swept by them?"	(65)
		Wayward Earnhardt nixed from evangelical Joe Gibbs Racing because Jr. loves his beer (may require registration; article pasted in first post)	(27)
		ESPN lists the 50 greatest Boxers of all time. Joe Boxer was 51 just one spot above Tighty Whitey	(23)
		Matt Leinart says he has seen "dramatic change" in the Arizona Cardinals and new coach Ken Whisenhunt has instilled a winning attitude	(24)
		London told: 'Don't expect a boom from the Olympics.' Montreal and Salt Lake City nod sadly, Atlanta ducks and covers then looks around for security guard to take the fall	(17)

		Super Agent Scott Boras comes up with a terrific idea to further ruin the National Pastime	(45)
		Indianapolis 500 pole qualifying discussion thread	(17)
		A sense of reality has hit this journalist like you couldn't imagine after the Red Wings managed to beat the super Ducks in game 1	(16)
		Boxing's greatest first round evar	(55)
(Some Guy)		Guiliani jeered by Houston Baptists for his controversial pro-Yankees stance	(3)
(tsn.ca)		05/12/07 Playoff hockey thread: Senators Vs. Sabres 8pm	(310)
(NBA.com)		5/12 NBA thread: The Undercard Bout: Cavs/Nets. Round 3 of championship bout between Suns/Spurs to follow. Let's get ready to rumble	(326)
		Roger Clemens scheduled to make 4 minor league starts against A, AA, AAA and the Blue Jays to be ready for the Red Sox series	(35)
(bundesliga.de)		Official Bundesliga Week 33 thread. Today, the Ruhrgebiet is the center of the German soccer universe as first place Schalke 04 travels to arch-rival Dortmund, while VfB Stuttgart (one point back) plays 5 miles away in Bochum. Gesundheit	(24)
		Old and busted: Donald Trump feuding with Rosie O'Donnell. New hotness: Donald Trump feuding with Mavs owner Mark Cuban. Bonus: Trump, with dead ferret on his head, makes fun of Cuban's looks	(34)
(The Oregonian)		Former Beaver football player caught running prostitution ring. Vagina	(13)
		Canadian sports columnist uses the old "Lincoln and Kennedy" coincidence theory to explain why the Detroit Red Wings will win the Stanley Cup	(17)

		San Francisco hair stylist handicaps the Jazz-Warriors series. Well, their hairdos anyway. I did say San Francisco, right?	(13)
		Marty Turco shows even NHL players are terrible at analyzing matchups, picking the Ducks to win because of their size which has worked so well against the Wings already	(24)
(Rochester D&C)		On Sunday the Rochester Red Wings will be wearing pink and the away team will be wearing the stink	(18)
(Some Guy)		Mets beginning the mourning process of losing division title to the Braves early by shaving their heads. Fasting and wearing of sackcloths to follow	(30)
		This week in the Sports Guy's mailbag: urban legends in the NBA, something about the Celtics, and a reader who thinks Jackie Robinson's widow is hittable	(16)
(Enquirer)		Future Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader arrested with 2 bottles of "pure grain alchohol". Complete with kissing of strangers and running around half naked goodness	(135)
(Brewers.com)		Brewers' bandwagon continues to grow with each win. Will soon have to upgrade to a four door from a coupe	(24)
		Charles Barkley: "Black people are farked up... We tell black kids that if they make good grades, they are acting white. If they speak well, we tell them that they are acting white."	(118)
		Since Eva Longoria won't have sex with Tony Parker until after NBA playoffs, he should turn to Phil Jackson. Farker: He'd have more with Kobe Bryant	(23)
		This sums up American Soccer, 1-1 tie, both own goals	(32)
		Instead of worrying about if the Bengals will have enough players to field a team this year, the Ohio legislature is treating the Cleveland Cavalier dancers like strippers (with nice pic)	(9)
		A tale of two halves: First half, the Bulls hit the Pistons; Second half, the Bulls hit their pants	(26)
		Ricky Williams to Dan Patrick: I've been clean for 3 years. NFL to Ricky Williams: O RLY?	(34)
		Man U fans upset that Bryan Adams invited a Liverpool player onstage to sing with him at a concert in Manchester. "Now, now, the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions"	(13)
		"Yankees' Wang hit hard by Rangers." So many jokes, so little room in this headline	(32)
		This weeks baseball player arrested for assaulting his wife is brought to you by Alberto Callaspo and the Arizona Diamondbacks	(5)
		Clemens to make debut at Fenway. Scalpers already seen setting up surgical booths in Kenmore Square	(18)
		May 11th NHL playoff prediction and recap thread	(201)
		Falcons owner Arthur Blank claims he was "stern" with Michael Vick in a lecture about his recent troubles	(21)
		Comcast sticks it to consumers again	(38)
		OJ Simpson, who claimed the Kentucky restaurant owner who recently threw him out on his ass was racist, drops lawsuit threat (with audio)	(86)
		NFL player Richard Seigler accused of being pimp, finds out his team apparently isn't too crazy about the sex-for-money thing	(8)
		MLB players' union refuses to release medical records for Senator Mitchell's steroid investigation	(84)
		New Wembley Stadium has 15,000 red seats that are turning pink	(10)
		Floyd Landis claims USADA asked him to implicate Lance Armstrong in exchange for lighter punishment. Armstrong: "They've got a lot of balls."	(22)
		The Boston Celtics fire Coach Doc Rivers after leading the team to a pathetic 24 win season. Just kidding, they gave him a contract extension	(19)
		Soccer world buzzing over "the greatest goal ever scored" by FK Gothenburg's Andres Vasquez	(46)
		Finns edge US to reach final four, plan to reunite Crowded House	(12)

(NY Times)		Steinbrenner's minions will now be chaining you in during "God Bless America"	(44)
		KNuCKleBaLLEr TiM wAKefIElD lEaDs aL iN ERa aFteR pItcHiNg ShUtOUt	(66)
		Amare Stoudemire says the Spurs are "a dirty team". Manu Ginobili drops to the floor like an Italian soccer player and writhes around in protest	(79)
		Oakland A's franchise officially going south...now called the Suburby A's	(37)
(Some Belly Itcher)		Yankee bullpen falls apart again. Any more pitchers in their mid-forties with groin problems available?	(57)
		Five pitchers worth paying to see...and yes, 2/3 of them are either Yankees or Red Sox	(52)
		Milwaukee errs on the side of caution, worried that the irony would create a rift in the space-time continuum	(89)
(MLB.com)		Daily obligatory Yankees thread, 5/10/07: Backup catcher Wil Nieves gets his first MLB hit in five seasons, snapping an 0-for-34 skid, only to get thrown out at second trying to stretch it into a double	(110)
		After 14 years, Thomas Castaignède decides he's sick and tired of losing with English rugby team	(7)
		Tem most underrated college basketball teams. Duke sucks. (Tem? C'mon!)	(31)
		Miami's disgustingly fat athletic director will resign in June 2008. Article includes a pic of the gigantic section of fat hanging down beneath the AD's chin. Subby wants to know what that thing is called	(39)
		Stupid headline of the day: Duke Lacrosse sings "Redemption Song." Next they're gonna jam on "Them Belly Full (But We Hungry)"	(13)
		Official May 10th NHL playoff thread. Sens vs. Sabres, 7:00 p.m. ET	(431)
		Brazilian soccer legend Pelé will be questioned in connection with a Norwegian-Pakistani crime network in Brazil	(12)
		NFL looking at replacing one meaningless preseason game with meaningful regular-season game played in meaningless location	(16)
		France surrenders 2008 Olympic hopes after legendary French female swimmer falls for "l'amour" in Italy	(6)
		Derek Fisher returns to Utah from New York during third quarter of NBA playoff game after his baby daughter has tumor removed from her skull that morning. Utah wins in overtime. Willis Reed called, he wants his inspiration back	(26)
		MLB skippers asked their opinions on instant replay. Joe Torre isn't sure, Tony LaRussa wants another beer and someone actually manages the Colorado Rockies	(22)
		Doug Flutie enters College Football Hall of Fame, after using lifts or platform shoes to get past the sign saying, "You must be this tall to enter this ride"	(12)
		David Beckham unveils second new haircut in two weeks. When you're being paid more than twice as much as the rest of the L.A. Galaxy together, you're not a slave to MasterCuts like they are	(7)
(Jayski)		Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to announce he is leaving the racing team his father founded. Yes, this is big news	(93)
		De La Hoya-Mayweather fight sets all-time record for pay-per-view buys and revenue	(28)

		Video of Baltimore Orioles TV announcer saying "I will domestically violate you" during broadcast now online	(17)
		Michael Wilbon says Tim Duncan has "the star-quality of an extra in a zombie movie"	(52)
		Schilling: "Bonds uses steroids, cheats on his wife, taxes." Francona: "STFU and GBTW." Schilling: "I was sleepy, my bad"	(51)
		Not news: Man catches foul ball at game. Still not news: Man refuses to give ball to younger fan. Fark: The man keeping the ball is future Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson	(117)
		Just in case you thought Sir Alex might pull for Liverpool in the Champions League final, Fergie makes a point of saying he expects to celebrate Milan's victory come the 23rd. Up your clunges, Scousers	(40)
		Soccer fans think about the game on average of 80 times a day, starting a riot 200 times a day	(9)
		Clemens claims he didn't even know there was a clause in his contract allowing him to take days off	(93)
(Homer Derby)		Vernon Wells gets back at some heckling fans by sending them the greatest autographed baseball you'll ever see (pics)	(97)
		Mr. April hits first home run in May after 15-day drought	(36)
		Eagles drafting a QB as their top pick is driving Donovan McNabb insane	(60)
		In case you missed it, Suzyn Waldman gets REALLY excited over the return of Roger Clemens to the Yankees	(61)
		Rumours are flying around Toronto that John Ferguson could be unemployed very shortly. This is just God's attempt to make up with Leafs fans for allowing the Senators to run deep in the playoffs	(36)
		Spurs go up 2-0 against the Suns on Opposite Day	(18)
		Diego Maradona: "I'm no drunk." Drew Curtis: "What he said, and I don't run a website either." And thus the circle of life is complete	(2)
		Chelsea moves into top-secret new stadium. Shoulda built the damn thing in America where they could take out full-page ads touting soccer games and still no one is gonna show up	(11)
		It's the final c*untd*wn	(50)

		Just in case your mind has slipped from Curt Schilling's comments on Roger Clemens to, say, your grocery list... here's Schilling's comments today on Barry Bonds	(97)
		Black writer says white fans are childish, racist for not wanting black baseball player to break black baseball player's record. Puerto Ricans, Samoans unavailable for comment	(306)
		Second round NBA playoffs continue. Submitter suggests that Steve Nash target the small thermal exhaust port, right above the main port	(322)
		John Feinstein thinks you should watch the NHL playoffs because they are awesome. He's right	(33)
		Baseball's top 50 most valuable players. Is any list that has Hanley Rameriz listed above Ortiz and A-Rod even worthy of debate?	(43)
		Bobby Cox closing in on baseball's all-time ejection record. Suck it, Bonds	(12)
		Tiger Woods rips "gimmicky," albeit legendary, 17th hole at Sawgrass, then immediately backpedals and moonwalks like 'Melo doing a Michael Jackson impersonation	(26)
(Some Guy)		Amanda Beard is posing for Playboy. Kittens to stay away from water for fear of drowning	(41)
(big show baseball)		The true history of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in California	(8)
		San Diego Padres Greg Maddux and David Wells say that Roger Clemens' decision to not travel to Yankee away games disrespects the team, the game, the league, the U.S. Constitution, little baby puppies and fuzzy widdle bunnies	(61)
		A rundown of some of the most famous player-fan clashes in pro sports. Ty Cobb wading into the stands to beat the crap out of a heckler who had no hands still the gold standard in such matters	(40)
		Milwaukee Brewers offering free rectal exams today at the ballpark. Better make sure that 12-person beer bong is accessible before and after the exam	(81)
		Jorge Valdano on Liverpool FC: "Put a s*** hanging from a stick in the middle of [Anfield] and there are people who will tell you it's a work of art." Wait, does he mean Liverpool or Arsenal?	(12)
		Sir Alex says he'll sit several Man United stars for tomorrow's game at Chelski, so that the Reds can field a rested squad for Sunday's home finale vs. West Ham that could see the Irons go down	(19)
(AL.com)		Today's "Idiotic sports column" brought to you by a guy who thinks Hank Aaron is just as bad as Barry Bonds	(40)
(Some Bucco)		Yankees: "Championship or bust!" Pirates: "Winning is... impor... *ahem*... Winning is important. HAHAHAHA!" Come see how the other half lives, Yanks	(28)
(38pitches.com)		After being wildly misquoted, Red Sox ace Curt Schilling breaks out the hammer of God and denounces sports media yet again in his blog	(51)
		Raiders looking at Keshawn Johnson. Meet the new malcontent. Same as the old malcontent	(19)
		Long before next season even starts, Michigan's chances of making the NCAA tourney for the first time in eleven years are Dunn	(12)
		No matter how good Roger Clemens ends up being for the Yankees this year, it's not going to matter if Mariano Rivera keeps doing his Armando Benitez impression	(74)
		David Ortiz's take on the B*rry B*nds chase. With bad grammar quoted goodness	(5)
		Official NHL trash talking and predictions thread: Conference finals	(183)
(Some Bronx Guy)		Not news: Umpire blows a call in the Yankee game. News: Blown call helps team win game. Fark: Blown call goes against the Yankees... in the Bronx Repent	(109)
		Boston Red Sox behemoth David Ortiz says he's "not sure" if he ever took steroids	(39)
		Dale Jr. says CoT a big PoS	(20)
		Pacman Jones' lawyers appeal suspension, point out that 283 NFL players have been arrested since January 2000, and some of them weren't even Cincinnati Bengals	(21)
(Some Guy)		After months of rest, Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander may still have a broken foot	(9)
		Manchester United players ran up £8,500 bar tab celebrating Premiership title	(8)
(nhl.com)		The Detroit Red Wings make it to the Western Conference finals in their "rebuilding year" with a 42-year-old goalie posting a shut out	(41)
		One of boxing's greatest warriors, Diego Corrales, killed in a motorcyle accident	(21)
		Small-town schools are turning to obscure sports like barrel racing, goat roping, and hockey to keep kids from dropping out	(8)
		Woman suing the Mets after 300-pound drunken man falls on her at Shea Stadium	(20)

		Rays pitcher Juan Salas tests positive for steroids. In other news, steroids no help to the Devil Rays	(10)
		NBA Playoffs Round 2 discussion thread. Put on your grass skirts, grab some sausage and pray	(118)
(Some Guy)		What if Mark McGwire was on the verge of breaking the home run record instead of Barry Bonds?	(113)
		The Yankees are paying more for four months of Roger Clemens than the Devil Rays are paying all their players for the entire year	(88)
		World's fastest man will be waaaaay downfield when Phil Simms gets sacked	(32)
		Phillies pitcher Freddy Garcia to miss a start because he is clumsy. Carl Pavano points and laughs, straining his finger for six weeks in the process	(6)
		Because the excitement of the NFL, NBA and NHL drafts aren't enough, ESPN2 plans on showing the MLB draft this year	(34)
		Even the coach of the Chicago Bulls admits they can't match up to the Detroit Pistons after that Game 1 assfarking	(20)
		Nobody can figure out if Priest Holmes will play pro football again, not even Priest Holmes	(9)
		ESPN the Magazine talks to the brilliant, not-retarded-in-any-way women who thought a 32-year-old fat guy was Ben Roethlisberger	(17)
(The Hockey Farker)		May 7th NHL playoffs thread. Sharks vs. Red Wings	(478)
(WFAN)		"The Emperor and Darth Vader’s downfall was when they underestimated how powerful Luke Skywalker had become"	(50)
		Arsenal beats Charlton to win FA Cup and complete the Quadruple. See, they DO play like a bunch of girls	(5)
		When you are haggling over Trent Green, you have already lost	(19)
(Rochester D&C)		Man buys winning $2 trifecta ticket for Kentucky Derby... and loses $13,240 in the process. (Second story)	(81)
		If you thought Oakland Raiders' Warren Sapp was a defensive force before, wait until you see what he can do with 50 less pounds of blubber on him	(35)
		Watch out NL Central: The surging Cubs are back above the .500 mark	(19)
(NBC Sports)		Bobby Boucher interview after his Kentucky Derby win	(24)
		Transsexual sportswriter soon to score book deal, appear on Larry King	(4)
		If you thought Curt Schilling would limit his comments to something classy after hearing Roger Clemens signed with the Yankees, well you don't know Curt Schilling	(129)
		Today's "baseball player injured in collision with an equipment cart" story brought to you by the Phillies' Freddie Garcia	(12)
(Some Guy)		Humane Society calls on NFL to throw out Michael Vick after huge dog-fighting operation discovered. Ron Mexico unavailable for comment	(20)