Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2007-04-15 23:59:59'

# of Comments

(NY Daily News)

The coolest hockey photo you'll see today

(6)

Adam Jones claims his right to appeal his suspension: "I'm clearly made to be the poster boy."

Philadelphia Eagles (aka the poor man's Buffalo Bills) accounting department screws up and pays Brian Westbrook twice, causing a serious salary cap problem

(8)

UCLA cameraman goes behind enemy (tan)lines to snap USC Song Girls finally out of those ill-fitting sweaters

Buffalo is the most tourtured city in all of Sports. Suck it Cubs Fans

Eagles' RB Brian Westbrook still hasn't paid back extra $3 million which he recieved due to accounting error; miniature Ken Lay spotted furiously rubbing hands together, cackling from Westbrook's shoulder

(7)

(Fox Sports)

My driver Dale Jr. is winning at Texas right now and they pulled the NASCAR race off the air? Now airing something called "That's Funny" This ain't funny. I am furious NOW I HATE FOX NEWS AND FOX TV

(78)

The Daunte Culpepper experiment is nearing an end, as the Dolphins move a step closer in obtaining Trent Green

(23)

(black athlete.net)

42 things you should know about Jackie Robinson

Today marks the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson breaking baseball's colour barrier

(29)

Today's NHL Playoffs thread. Red Wings suck

(316)

"Boy wonder" could be signed to top soccer club after being scouted several times since his birthday. He is now three years old

(12)

Tight lie of no concern for golfers with Jenna Jameson on their shaft

Sat April 14, 2007:

# of Comments

From the "people involved in sports' irrelevant statements about society" department: Steve Spurrier wants South Carolina to take down the Confederate flag

(Some Drunk Hawkeye)

Iowa tailgaters get in some spring training of their own. Drunk frat boys puking in the parking lot, just another Saturday morning near the Dental Science Bldg

The Philadelphia Phillies, in additon to having one of the worst records in baseball, are now 38 losses away from 10,000-- more than any other franchise. Talking about adding insult to injury

(21)

Maradona back in hospital. Turns out he does not have "the liver of God"

Dear Fark, could we get an April 14th NHL Playoffs thread today? Thanks. Sincerely, NHL fans -- all six of us

(90)

A fan's take on why Asante Samuels ain't worth $10 mil

30 things you never knew about the big steeplechase race in the UK. #1 is "There is a big steeplechase race in the UK."

Time Warner Versus affiliates: We interrupt this thrilling sudden death fourth overtime NHL playoff game to bring you this important infomercial. Thank you for subscribing to Versus

(83)

Bad news, Detroit: the Tigers are already in World Series form

The best take on the Imus debacle, courtesy of professional sportswriter Jason Whitlock

(315)

(Jack's Sports Humor)

Joining in MLB tribute, Pope Benedict XVI to wear number 42 at Sunday mass

(7)

Week 34 English Premiership discussion forum. LGT match of the day; Arsenal v. Bolton. There's also a few other matches and oh yeah, a FA Cup semi-final

(65)

And a child shall lead them: A's beat Yanks fifth straight time as rookie Buck triples, scores in the 11th

NBA lottery teams (and the Chicago Bulls) rejoice - Greg Oden will enter the NBA Draft

Iverson and Anthony STILL can't figure out how to play together. Win 8th straight. Clinch 6th seed in the playoffs

Rockies' Todd Helton gets his 1,000th RBI to win against the Diamondbacks

Fri April 13, 2007:

# of Comments

(mlb.com)

B*nds hits 736*, 737*

Mike Tyson to promote Bollywood film by dancing in music video

(8)

Top 5 Trashiest Fan Bases. NASCAR, All Kentucky-based teams strangely absent

(58)

Today's celebrity DUI arrest: superagent Leigh Steinberg

ESPN uses their incredible judgement and keen eye for talent by making the New York Mets #1 in this week's startlingly accurate MLB Power Rankings. Verily, this is an excellent list

(68)

Not news: John Smoltz loses a game. News: To the Washington Nationals. Fark: It's the first lead the Nats have held during a game all year

(19)

D.A. apologizes to college athletes and is promptly fired from radio show

(35)

Philadelphia Phillies keep up their tradition of signing not-as-talented relatives by claiming Nomar Garciaparra's brother, Michael, off waivers. Eli Manning seen laughing, crying in the background

Cristiano Ronaldo signs new deal with Man Utd, ensuring that he'll be diving at Old Trafford for the next five years

(27)

Black sports writer apologizes to Duke lacross players. Meanwhile, snowball fights are on the rise in hell

(55)

Mormons get a full moon from a goalie at a hockey game. Bonus: No pic goodness. Definitely do not want

(62)

Top sports agent convicted of smuggling baseball players from Cuba. If you can think of a better way to make a commission, I'd like to see it

(26)

Official NHL playoff thread -- April 13th. Jason Voorhees puts on his hockey mask

(217)

Gary Sheffield's gospel-singer-wife had sex on videotape with R. Kelly. Feds ruin all the fun

(28)

The 30 sluttiest athletes of all time

(59)

(WBZTV)

To support his wife, who has cystic fibrosis, man will run two marathons in one day with only a 45-minute break in between

(15)

Oklahoma says goodbye to major-league sports, if you can call the New Orleans-Oklahoma City Hornets major league sports

(19)

Calgary police ready for anything that might happen on the "Red Mile." I hope they brought a lot of crying towels

(25)

Thu April 12, 2007:

# of Comments

Mike Tyson to go on trial Aug. 20 on charges of drug possession and driving under the influence of drugs. Bailiff to be WBO sanctioned

(4)

Sissy-man Mark Prior gets hurt again. If he ever gets dejected to the point of suicide, all he has to do is throw 100 pitches. The effort would surely kill him

Brady Quinn believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the fact he should be the first pick in the NFL draft

(42)

Mets, Phillies starting pitchers for Thursday's game are combined 85 years of age. First 25,000 fans 65 and over get free pack of Mets Geritol

(16)

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim defeated by Cleveland Indians of Milwaukee. Harry Doyle takes a long hard slug of his bottle and quips, "Remember fans Tuesday is Die Hard Night"

(96)

(wcnc.com)

Michael Waltrip's smashified car pics

(31)

Webber to either retire or play for Knicks. If only Knicks weren't so averse to signing overpriced has-beens...

(21)

Van Chancellor to coach LSU women's basketball team. Wants to win a championship lickity split

(11)

Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson are unable to play together on their way to winning their seventh game in a row and clinching a playoff birth

(24)

MLB truth and rumors: Yankee players dropping like prom dresses because of their new conditioning program. Carl Pavano suggests bed rest and plenty of fluids

(39)

Can we have just one "official" UEFA Cup quarter finals 2nd leg discussion forum today? LGT Tottenham v. Sevilla preview

(91)

Official NHL playoff thread -- April 12, 2007

(389)

Meet the Mets / Meet the Mets / Step right up and greet the Mets / Just watch out for drunk 300-pound fans landing on your back when you come out to Shea / And you'll have a great day

Orioles pitcher Jaret Wright walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, it hurts when I do this." The doctor responds, "Well then, don't do that"

Vancouver Canucks win Game 1 against the Dallas Stars in quadruple overtime. Martin Brodeur said to actually be impressed for once

The NFL Draft is in two weeks, so here's a montage of Jets draft blunders to get you in the mood

Senators destroy Penguins in opening first game of NHL playoffs that nobody watched

(87)

Daisuke Matsuzaka debuts in Fenway, and a complete game one-hit shutout is thrown. Problem is, it wasn't by the megahyped $151 million man

(118)

Drew Bledsoe decides to finally let go of the ball

The 11 challengers for the America's Cup

High school hockey player gets checked through the glass

(31)

Wed April 11, 2007:

# of Comments

Yet another Vegas entertainment advance: Golfers can now enjoy beautiful, bipedal ball washers

Memphis Grizzlies clinch worst record in the NBA and best shot in the lottery at winning the Oden/Durant Sweepstakes. Knicks still expected to win

Kentucky looking for new basketball head coach again

Dear New York Knicks, if you don't want the score run up on you, please cease-and-desist with the sucking. Truly, The Bulls

(34)

The Sports Guy offers a solution to stop the blatant tanking that goes on in the NBA every season. Still no solution to defeating his wife in picking NFL games

(30)

19,000 fans show up to cheer on Cerrano, Vaughn, Hayes and Dorn in Milwaukee

(46)

(NFL)

2007 NFL schedule announced. Detroit Lions mathematically eliminated from the playoffs

(142)

Brad Lidge uspet to be pitching in middle relief, says his Albert Pujols night terrors don't hamper his effectiveness at all

(26)

Jay Cutler's last job before being the Denver Broncos' quarterback was trashman, which is why people thought he would end up in Oakland

Diego Maradona acts as a role model to millions of Argentinian children, hoping that they too can get rich enough one day to drink themselves into liver failure

Red Wings unveil bronze statue of Gordie Howe. Opposing players from past object, saying Howe's elbows were much harder than bronze

(35)

Champions League Quarterfinals Day 2 discussion thread. Liverpool vs. PSV Eindhoven and Bayern München vs. AC Milan

(MLB)

Cubs fans send messages with bricks. No, they're not being thrown at Lou Piniella, that's next month when they're out of playoff contention

Liverpool v. PSV and Bayern v. AC Milan. Day 2, UEFA Champions League, quarter finals, 2nd leg, discussion forum, officiale

(135)

It's as if millions of fantasy baseball nerds cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced... I fear something terrible has happened

(54)

Ichiro on Matsuzaka: "I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul, I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger"

(63)

Hank Aaron says he'd rather play golf than watch Barry Bonds hit 756*

(86)

Thanks to recent ban on recorded music, Central Asian country considered early leader to host 2016 Olympics

Hot blonde speed skater hopes to raise awareness of her sport by holding educational seminars. Just kidding, she's posing nude. (Possibly not safe for work pic)

(31)

Diver sets new world record, free dives 81 meters down. That's 25 stories, straight down

(27)

(www.IHT.com)

Canada wins the women's world ice hockey championship with a 5-1 victory over the United States. In other news, there's a world ice hockey championship for women

(16)

Dozens of American hockey fans will watch Don Cherry make his U.S. broadcasting debut for NBC

Tue April 10, 2007:

# of Comments

The Chicago Blackhawks ineptitude finally pays off, win first pick in the NHL draft

Michael Waltrip has been charged with reckless driving and hit-and-run after hitting a telephone pole and rolling his car

(30)

Dallas Mavericks clinch home-court advantage with five games left in the regular season, leaving plenty of time to practice Heimlich maneuver

Don't ask for Carmelo Anthony's autograph outside of a 7-11, especially if it is around 3:30AM. You get might clocked all up in your damn grill by one of his homiez

(19)

Karl Malone close to becoming assistant coach at Louisiana Tech, completing Beanie Baby collection

Another playoff season begins without the Leafs. Here's why

(36)

Barry Bonds' probe may continue. Also the investigations of steroid use

(27)

Manchester United score seven and keep their treble hopes alive. That "seven" is not a typo

(29)

New Texas A&M basketball coach was a Shocker

(11)

Former bonecrushing linebacker Bill Romanowski plays gay cowboy in movie called "Weiners"

(63)

Luke Walton reportedly throwing four-years-too-late bounce pass to Britney Spears

(8)

Bon Jovi giving arena football a bad name by flipping off a ref after a bad call and having Mike Greenburg explain that the call was actually right (with great pic of the two finger salute)

(16)

Philly: Wow, we really sucked this year, at least we get first pick in the NHL draft. Chicago: LOTTOWND

(21)

Fark you, Jobu. I do it myself

(35)

MLB truth and rumors: Despite saying that he will only play for the Red Sox, Yankees or Astros, the Mets are prepared to make Clemens an offer. Also, Bonds can't figure out why Hank Aaron wants nothing to do with him

(44)

(Rocky Mountain News)

Denver Nuggets win sixth in a row against Lakers and Kobe Bryant, who shot 9-of-30. MVP MVP MVP

(12)

Boston Red Sox activate Mike Timlin from DL after finding really sticky piece of gum with which to put his arm on

NFL suspends Pacman Jones for the entire season. Donkey Kong Smith nervously awaits his fate

(155)

Chicago sportswriter makes NY sportwriters picking on Mets manager Willie Randolph look soft by blaming the Cubs poor start on former manager Dusty Baker

(7)

Boston Marathon officials use small RFID chips to track every move you make. Just like the government

(18)

Selig is willing to have the All-Star Game in Phoenix in 2011 to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the Yankees' 9/11 Curse

NFL's best first-round picks at each slot. In the No. 1 slot, John Elway beats out a certain Indianapolis Colt not named Steve Emtman

(40)

NHL playoff power rankings. Red Wings suffer due to poor power play

(55)

NFL truth and rumors: The Jets are interested in getting Gay

(Sporting Life)

Extra police called in for soccer match between Roma and Manchester United. "I hope it goes off peacefully," says man who was stabbed in the groin at last week's match

NHL favors the television network that pays them nothing over the television network that pays them $600 million

(60)

Newbury College loses by 56. Oh, and it's a baseball game. Duke su... no, even Duke doesn't suck this much

EPL Referee Graham Poll lauded for warning Charlton manager that he was an the verge of giving his player a third yellow card

Former NFL QB Warren Moon arrested after not checking down to the designated driver in the flat

(Scout.com)

Kevin Durant announcing he's going pro later today

It's Man U v. Roma and Valencia v. Chelsea being discussed in today's offcial Champions League discussion forum; with bonus LGT Ashley Cole talking smack about Arsenal

(217)

Braves pitcher Mike Hampton out for season, again. Will somehow have to manage on $14.5 million for rest of year

(12)

Rutgers women's basketball team to visit Imus, put differences behind them, bond over mutual nappy-headedness

(574)

Godzilla and Mothra will get it on at Fenway Park

Atlanta Braves ask Mike Hampton where he would like them to stick the fork. Hampton delaying his response until he speaks with Kerry Wood and Mark Prior

It wasn't the player's balls shrinking from steroids, it was the strike zone shrinking that increased MLB home runs

David Beckham likes "Prison Break" so much, he got a tattoo just like the show's main character (with pic)

(15)

Mon April 09, 2007:

# of Comments

Ivy League football placekicker wins invention competition with the Quicker Kicker (pics)

(Businesswire)

NFL's first overall draft pick will get Fathead®

(23)

The Philadelphia "We Are the Team to Beat" Phillies are now 1-6 after an 11-5 thrashing at the hands of the New York Mets

(88)

"3 Gophers players suspected in alleged rape freed from jail." Browns recruitment office said to be reassessing their future draft picks in light of their release

(22)

Proportionate to the U.S. population, more blacks play in major league baseball than whites, and baseball's racial diversity is celebrated. Just kidding, baseball is still racist

(66)

Infamous USC song girl who cheered Texas game-winning TD over Trojans marries USC center. Hope she made sure she's got her hands down the pants of the right guy (with pics)

(15)

Joe Sakic, 38, resigns with Colorado Avalanche after 100-point season

(47)

NBA's L.A. Clippers now charging $1,500 per courtside seat per game. You read that right -- not the Lakers, the no-title-in-37-years Clippers