Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2007-03-04 23:59:59'

# of Comments

(The Statesman)

Australian World Cup team's practice cut short after plane crashes into field

(3)

Scottie Pippen may blow off retirement to join Lakers. Can Jordan be that far behind?

West Ham defender Anton Ferdinand faces punishment after partying in South Carolina. South Carolina?

(4)

Indy 500? Check. Grand Prix of Monaco? Check. CART Championship? Check. NASCAR series? Check. Juan Pablo Montoya wins in Mexico

(26)

Duke gets destroyed by UNC, sucks

(91)

Golden State's head coach gets a technical foul with no time left on the clock, the extra free throw gives the Wizards the win

Forbes ranks the best and worst GMs in sports. Guess who's at the bottom?

(82)

(Bergen Record)

Mets 3B David Wright says he'd switch positions if A-Rod came to the Mets in 2008. A-Rod flattered, especially since Jeter was never interested in any new positions

(27)

(Rochester D&C)

High school basketball finals cancelled after a dozen fights break out. Apparently 11 fights is just part of the game. (w/pic of cops swarming the place)

(82)

Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles' outfielder says that everyone in his family has one leg shorter than the other, so he doesn't need surgery

The UF(i)A's for the NFL this off-season

Nutritionists are trying to ban meat pies from professional soccer games. Beefcake still okay

Sat March 03, 2007:

# of Comments

(MLB.com)

Mark Prior and Kerry Wood will have the opportunity to get injured in the same game on Monday

Jake Plummer, who was traded, then retired, has been traded to Tampa Bay. Again. Bucs also sign Jeff Garcia

(36)

The pitch that Daisuke Matsuzaka will supposedly baffle hitters with might not actually exist

(27)

Kansas wins regular-season conference title for the 50th time in 100 years

(Some Redneck)

Juan Montoya qualifies third for his first NASCAR road course race, surprised to find out that's not necessarily where he'll finish

(29)

Down to 10 men, Man Utd's John O'Shea scores in injury time to give the Red Devils a 1-0 win at Liverpool, snapping the Reds' 30-match undefeated streak at home

(25)

Pittsburgh Steelers doctor insists the $150,000 of testosterone and HGH he bought was not for the football team, but rather for treatment of the massive Pittsburgh little people community

Caption these basketball players

(74)

(Sportingo)

He KO'd Mike Tyson and is British champ again - but Danny Williams plans to quit boxing

(4)

Patriots fall completely out of character, sign Adalius Thomas to huge contract. In other news, Earth begins to wobble, fall out of orbit

(28)

Professional soccer leagues developing high-tech goal-line technology to determine if a soccer ball actually enters the net. Like that happens SO often in soccer games

(24)

Crosby becomes youngest ever to reach 200 points in a season. Stills, Nash, and that old stringy haired Canadian guy unavailable for comment

(67)

Sacramento King Ron Artest carves "KINGS" in his dome and drops 19 and 6 on the Lakers (with back-o'-head pic)

Sorry New York and Houston, San Francisco wins Clements sweepstakes

Phillies renew reigning NL MVP Ryan Howard's contract at $900,000...Wait, what?

(22)

Fri March 02, 2007:

# of Comments

(Brooklyn Paper)

Dodgers' Clem Labine, hero of '55 World Series, dies at age 80

Pittsburgh columnist: If Penguins leave Iron City because of no arena, blame Bill and Hillary Clinton

UFC champion Chuck Liddell falls asleep, incoherent during Dallas morning TV show interview (with video)

(SI)

Mets clear Pedro Martinez for light tossing, say he'll be ready for the catapult by mid-July

Man U's coach was all "bro, seriously, shut up" and Chelsea's coach was like "no way, dude" and then Fergie went "well then get you some" and Mourinho went "stoner parking lot at 4, brah"

Denver works out deal to trade Jake Plummer to Tampa Bay. Plummer decides he'd rather retire

(45)

If you don't like being confined in a small room in a basement, don't write "Trade Lowe" on your shirt before going to an Edmonton Oilers game

Star Liverpool player Craig Bellamy tries to suck up to American sports fans by admitting he hates soccer. "Sometimes, I feel embarrassed being a footballer," he admits

(CNNSI.com)

NCAA men's basketball power rankings. Hey, where is Tommy Amaker's team?

(42)

(Some Forward)

Radmanovic fined $500k for performing as badly snowboarding as he has with the Lakers

(NHL.com)

With Sidney Crosby's next point, he will become the youngest player to score 200 career points breaking a record held by Wayne Gretzky. I repeat: Breaking. Gretzky's. Record

(129)

A New York Yankee loses his life crashing his plane into your apartment. To wait for the insurance companies to settle it, turn to page 57. Or just be like this guy and sue the widow

(32)

The Edmonton D'Oilers have yet to score a goal since trading away their heart and soul. Note to Oilers: You can't live without a heart

(30)

Thu March 01, 2007:

# of Comments

Sneaky butt slap from last night Texas/Texas A&M game. Love the immediate reaction of the guy getting swatted, ready to beat some ass

(Some Cowboy)

Drew Bledsoe WAS going to go out for ribs tomorrow night, but now even that's ruined. Thanks a lot, Jerry

(25)

You're knocked unconcious, stop breathing, and end up being injured for 72 hours. Do you: A) Stay in hospital? B) Rest at home? C) Being English, go drinking till 3:00 a.m.?

Lou Holtz and Ara Parseghian will coach Notre Dame's Blue & Gold spring game. Afterwards, Holtz's Gold team is expected to be investigated by the NCAA as Holtz runs out of town

Jesse Jackson continues to do more harm to minorities than good as he and others are considering suing due to a lack of black head coaches in college football

Prepare for the apocalypse: Vandy's athletic department (or lack thereof) is producing some quality teams that keep getting wins. Subby is scared as hell right now

Steelers to Joey Porter: "Smashmouth or tricky football, you ain't playing it for us anymore"

(Some Wahoo)

Some Hokie fan precision engraves 'VT' into hardwood at UVa's new stadium likely before the floor was delivered. Bonus: Cavaliers play all season without noticing until just before the Tech game

(115)

(Some Soccer Fan)

Inspired by the NBA's resoundingly succesful women's league, MLS will have a women's division starting next year

Not news: Professional athlete gets injured on the job. News: It was a golfer. Fark: The injury was caused by a camera click

Ex-Rangers goalie may run for Congress, the one job where concussive brain injuries could work to his advantage

Washington Redskins prepare for "well-researched" free agency period. In other news, "well-researched" is the new code for "overspending without rhyme or reason"

NFL wants to trademark "The Big Game." Stanford, Cal, over a hundred years of history, and the 12th Man not going to surrender

(31)

Michigan's coach may be fired soon. To the delight of everybody but Michigan fans, the article isn't about Lloyd Carr or Tommy Amaker

(6)

Portland Trail Blazers GM unexpectedly resigns

Almost nobody raped during Duke's first lacrosse match. However, Duke still sucked

MLB truth and rumors: Cardinals throw hat in Clemens' Sweepstake. Clemens throws it back because he wants to win a championship if he returns

(51)

The evolution of the baseball pitch. Gaylord Perry's "KY ball" noticeably absent from list

Lions trade away Pro Bowl cornerback for oversized OL, undersized RB with case of fumbleitis

(41)

(Sports Illustrated)

Most memorable sports injury cover-ups, does not include Kobe's wife kicking his nuts

(CNNSI)

Cheerleader sues New York Rangers for expecting her to be sexy. Players take cue and sue team for expecting them to be competitive

(FanIQ)

Get the lowdown on the Arena Football season, which kicks off tonight

Actress bearing Tom Brady's child dines with fellow thesbian Mary Louise Parker, who was also dumped while pregant. Topic of discussion: Best brand of nut-cutter knife. (Uh, "thesbian"?)

(21)

Old and busted: SI and EA cover curses. New hotness: Gatorade plague. Dwyane Wade, Shaun Livingston co-star in spot just days before catastrophic injuries

Determined to get all his law breaking out of his system before NFLPA adopts a "three strikes" rule, Pac Man faces obstruction charges in Georgia. This guy will be out of quarters soon

(SI.com)

Kurt Warner indicted in Internet NFL bomb hoax

Jamal Lewis cut by the Ravens. Cincinnati Bengals drool at the prospect of signing an ex-con

Jockey gets caught trying to fake his way through a urine test by squeezing clean urine out of a hidden dildo. He just wasn't using his head

(47)

(RacingOne)

Some photos of the NASCAR COT test at Bristol

(34)

Journeyman Dodgers pitcher could be baseball's first billionaire player. Suck it, A-Rod

Hollywood madame writes new tell-all book, claims Tommy Lasorda kept his balls from turning Dodger blue by making frequent visits to her girls

Boston Celtics radio analyst Cedric Maxwell apologizes on the air for saying that a female referee "should be in the kitchen" fixing him sammiches after she made a bad call

(24)

European soccer clubs being elbowed out of lucrative China market by NBA and NFL

(Goal.com)

Sevilla club president provoked violence against Betis fans at their last match. In the return leg, Betis fans knock the Sevilla coach out with flying bottles. Ref says, "I'm outta here"

It can't be a good omen when your pitcher beans a photographer in the first spring training game of the year

FIFA's claim that the World Cup is the most popular television on earth and attracts a billion viewers worldwide turns out to be three-quarters bullshiat

(25)

Chicago Bears re-sign head coach Lovie Smith, making him the first African-American head coach who lost a Superbowl to sign a new contract

(32)

Wed February 28, 2007:

# of Comments

I saw a turtle. It told me, "Duke sucks. Maryland sweeps"

(150)

(White House)

Caption Shaq standing next to a small bush

(113)

New Zealand cricketer says he'll cut off a finger if it means he doesn't miss the World Cup. Mine or yours?

Yankee legends say Jeter-Arod is nothing, call them when someone gets a season-ending injury in a fight in the locker room

US may get 2018 World Cup. Tens of soccer fans across the land rejoice

(53)

Scoop Jackson claims media's reporting on NBA All-Star Weekend is "racist". Obvious tag explodes, then goes to strip club and punches dancer in face

(43)

"Make It Rain has become a national punch line, in the same way the Cincy Bengals have become proto-stooges for folks who don't even follow football, cultural shorthand for unabashed dumbassry"

Regardless of Dickie V's man-love for Tubby Smith, the UK coach could be hasta-la-vista at season end. Duck sucks

(14)

CNBC reports Mark Cuban's offer to buy Chicago Cubs is bogus

Green Bay reportedly interested in acquiring Randy Moss from Oakland, potentially teaming player who quits on his team with quarterback who doesn't know when to quit

(Losers With Socks)

Dick Vitale gets caught trash-talking Joakim Noah on air. Noah expected to respond, stay ugly forever. (With audio links)

(Radar)

Billionaire attention-whore Mark Cuban close to buying the Chicago Cubs

(23)

Brett Hull thinks that NBC should have an hour long NHL preview show like "Football Night in America." Also under the delusion that the Stanley Cup gets better ratings than the Super Bowl

(41)

(CNNSI.com)

Apparently, Kansas State students have been tossing live chickens onto the court before games, what the hell?

(68)

The winners and losers at this year's NFL Scouting Combine

Utah Jazz whine about Kobe's star treatment, pine for the days when Stockton and Malone took 35 free throws a game

(6)

(CNNSI)

Top 10 sports injuries with YouTube goodness

(86)

Pac-Man Jones' family worried about his lifestyle choices and friends he surrounds himself with; also don't trust the four ghosts that are always chasing him around

God is in contract negotiations with The New England Revolution

$100 million worth of choke coming to Philly this April

Celtics radio announcer yells on air at female ref to "Get back in the kitchen" after said female ref makes call. Bonus: Given chance to apologize or clarify; demands bacon and eggs instead

(49)

Oilers retire Messier's No. 11. That's hockey news for the 99.2 percent of you that have no idea what this headline is about

(39)

Giants receiver Amani Toomer wants marriage annulled because his wife terminated his starting line

PETA charges Falcon's lineman with animal cruelty. As much as submitter likes the Falcons, this POS should be beaten until he knows the meaning of the phrase "animal cruelty"

(33)

Of course Michigan State is Michigan's real basketball rival. That's why they can't even sell out the MSU game

(24)

Milan striker Alberto Gilardino gives a lesson on how not to dive. To be fair, he does possess soap-opera-level acting abilities

Coach Pat Summitt ruins cheerleader fantasy for men across the nation

(26)

(Mlive.com)

Defending national champions Florida Gators continue their losing streak with a loss to the Tennessee Vols

Tue February 27, 2007:

# of Comments

Sports figures are dropping like flies

New study shows Anna Kournikova is hot

(90)

MLB player Gary Matthews, Jr. and Evander Holyfield may be implicated in major steroid bust

Page 2's mock 2010 Mock Draft

(14)

University Of Arizona Basketball Coach: "No, I do not have Parkinsons...when you get nervous, you start to shaking a little. But most people my age do"

(AM 1220)

When asked if he had ever doped, Tour de France cyclist answers, "Did I ever win?"

(9)

(Fox Sports)

Wait till next year...again; Veteran's committee fails to elect anyone to baseball Hall of Fame. Ron Santo says he won't stand for it anymore

(28)

In a new epilogue to "Game of Shadows", we get this little nugget: since he has joined the Giants, Barry Bonds' shoe size has gone from 10 1/2 to 13. From nutrition and exercise, obviously

Former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette helping establish baseball league in Israel, where every ball is a bomb to left field and pitches simply explode out of the pitcher's hands

(Pal-Item)

It's now official: Olympic Medalist Rulon Gardner is actually an indestructible cyborg

(112)

Angels manager Mike Scioscia doesn't think his Colon will be ready to hurl until May

(6)

Remember when Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl painted himself orange and went topless to cheer on the women's team? Get yer eye bleach ready cause Pat Summitt is going to return the favor

(Sports Business Journal)

The good news is that the LA Clippers make the highlight reel. The bad news is that it happened when Shaun Livingston dislocates his knee while dunking (warning, video is not for the squeamish)

(32)

Top 20 most influential people in online sports. Does this list contain both Peter King and Bill Simmons? You bet your triple chai latte it does

(28)

Sidney Crosby's life insurance premium goes down as Pens acquire Georges Laraque from Phoenix

(Some puckhead)

The official NHL trade deadline thread

(313)

(Pacman's drug dealer)

When your drug dealer is worried about your NFL career, you may have a problem

The mighty English Rugby Team is set for yet another Grand Slam...and they look good in those tiny shorts, too

Gonzaga, wecome to big-time sports

Jebus freaks join the Colts in feasting on the Bears

(CNN/SI)

Syracuse ends 10th ranked Georgetown's 11-game win streak. Somewhere in the world, Patrick Ewing misses another important jump shot

(Dallas News)

Cotton Bowl history sparks inarticulate fervor - "As far as I'm concerned, I ain't giving up the word Cotton Bowl for any other city"

Mon February 26, 2007:

# of Comments

Shaq's 25,000th point isn't enough to pull out a win against the Knicks

(34)

Soccer team forfeits match when player is ejected for wearing her Hijab. Bonus: creative use of the word "kerfuffle" in article

(92)

MLB to Barry Bonds "Cooperate with steroid investigation" Bonds to MLB " Die in a fire"

(30)

CNBC Report: New LPGA logo "pays tribute to butch, mulleted LPGA stars of old" (with pic)

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Donald Trump being criticized for involvement with WWE head-shaving match at Wrestlemania. Trump invites critics to get steel chair and meet him in ring

(27)

(bizjournals)

NBA signs ticketing deal with Ticketmaster, proving that the league has indeed surrendered to thugs

(9)

Manny Ramirez takes wrong turn while looking for Slurm Factory Tour, inadvertently reports to spring training ahead of schedule

(29)

Former Tour de France champion retires amid continuing investigations into doping scandal. No, not that champion cyclist. No, not that one either

(Some Redneck)

Toyota scores its first top-10 in NASCAR's top division, simultaneously becomes first manufacturer that actually benefits the American economy to do so

(22)

Angry masked fans of losing German soccer team confront players at training session, shouting insults, firing blanks and attacking TV team. "This has never happened in Germany before," say police

Former NHL goalie Arturs Irbe quits Slovak team after giving up 22 goals in only six games

(34)

Philadelphia Eagles tired of the gay jokes, decide to put AJ Feeley on top of Jeff Garcia. I mean "over" Jeff Garcia