Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2007-01-14 23:59:59'

# of Comments

TNT suits read Official NASCAR Threads and agree there are too many commercials in NASCAR, switching to "organic branded content". Duke sucks

(3)

Elderly women playing basketball in 'Granny Basketball League'. Chris Webber to join league next week

Ken Wisenhunt hired as next head coach to be fired by Arizona Cardinals

Da Bears defeat the Seahawks in an overtime thriller

(70)

(NBC San Diego)

Dozens of Charger fans head to tattoo parlor for free permanent souvenir

(ITN)

Actual headline: "Butt clinches Newcastle win"

(CBS Sportsline)

Today's NFL discussion thread. Take a shot every time someone mentions Brady, Belichick, and experience in the same sentence

(2214)

"Soccer is like a bidet. Do you know what a bidet is? Some strange hygienic device usually parked next to the toilet in European bathrooms. Very big over there. But nothing over here."

(41)

Yutaka Fukufuji is the first Japanese player in the NHL, he has pledged to commit sepukku if he allows 5 goals

(16)

Barbaro has more of left hoof removed, asks vet, "Can you glue it back on?........Why are you laughing?......What's so funny?"

Saints advance to NFC Championship Game with victory over Eagles. Donovan McNabb relieved

(70)

(NBC Sports)

Indianapolis Colts delay this season's postseason choke for one more game with their win over Baltimore

(36)

Fox shows woman with "Fark Da Eagles" T-Shirt in prime time. Link goes to FCC obscenity FAQ

(183)

Sat January 13, 2007:

# of Comments

Lee Humphrey had seven 3-pointers and a career-high 27 points leading the National Champion Gators basketball team to victory over the Gamecocks. Aren't the Gators National Champions in football too?

Michael Strahan's ex-wife takes over half his net worth for pretty much no good reason at all

(40)

Ray Allen becomes third shooting guard to hit Utah Jazz for 50 points this season

(5)

Little Sisters of the Poor root for Saints. Incubi, wayward girls root for Eagles

(15)

Because perenially losing to LSU isn't enough to be concerned about, Arkansas Razorback's head coach must now worry about whiny-ass "helicopter" parents wanting to know why their sons aren't getting more playing time

Bode Miller: "Yeah, I totally meant to fall on my ass and skid my way to the finish line. That was my plan all along."

(4)

(Some Happy Terp)

Clemson is undefeated no longer, thanks to the Maryland Terrapins. Fear the Turtle

(22)

Official Hockey Day in Canada thread

(48)

Apparently there is a large and international interest in watching guys running around hitting each other's balls with their hands

(8)

NFL divisional round playoff discussion thread. Take a drink every time you see the Manning face, or every time he throws an interception into double coverage

(1328)

Saturday English Premiership football discussion forum; it's round 23

(48)

Penn State linebacker Dan Connor is passing up a chance to enter the NFL draft to return to school for his senior year

More and more women taking up sport shooting. Men everywhere decide it might be best to make their own sammiches

(5)

Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson indicted on drug charges. His mom is going to give him an earful about this one

(3)

Rugby World Cup draw unveiled. Organizers immediately on defensive after schedule shows Scottish team can sleep in their own beds and eat deep-fried Mars bars at their own table rather than be stuck in France like everyone else

Fri January 12, 2007:

# of Comments

David Beckham consulted with Tom Cruise on his move to L.A., calls Cruise "a very wise man." Granted, he is a towering genius next to Posh Spice

(22)

Jeff Nelson signs with Yankees, then retires

(CNN/SI)

All four NFL divisional playoff matchups reviewed by CNN/SI. To save you time, just remember that the Colts, Ravens, Patriots, Chargers, Bears, Seahawks, Eagles and Saints all suck

Don Banks holds it in for 15 seconds, exhales: Patriots 34, Chargers 31

(50)

There's Nutting wrong with the Pittsburgh Pirates

Barry Bonds says that teammate Mark Sweeney did not give him amphetamines, but still no word on who did or how they got in his system

(130)

(Some Bored TFer)

TFer aquigley's Sports Tab Divisional Spectacularrrrrrrrr (Details in thread)

(162)

NFL truth and rumors: Chargers interested in trading their running back to Jets for first-round draft pick

(30)

Bill Simmon's finally has a chance to close the gap between his wife... in NFL picks

Tony Gonzalez agrees to five more years of run-run-pass-punt

(14)

Top 13 list of the most ridiculous uniforms in sports history. (Warning: One per page, slow as hell)

(64)

Farve drops country club membership EVERYBODY PANIC

(Some Tooth)

Edgar Davids of Tottenham linked with a move to FC Dallas. Unlike the Beckham story, a move from Tottenham to an American club is actually a step up

(29)

Greatest "hits" from American football. Your wussy dog would rather play rugby

(120)

Rice's football coach leaves for Tulsa... two days after signing a contract extension

(CNNSI.com)

Ohio State's Anthony Gonzalez decides not to go 4-0 vs. Michigan

(39)

Washington to host most unwatched all-star game of the year

(7)

Michelle Wie tees it up with the men, again. Shoots over par, again. Will not make the cut, again. Forrest Gump surrenders

(53)

Lawmaker wants to change name of Mark McGwire Highway because it talks about something from the past

Thu January 11, 2007:

# of Comments

NHL player gets injured 'horsing around.' They don't make NHL players like they used to

(Democrat & Chronicle)

NFL commissioner says NFL will help out small markets. Initial recipients of aid will include Red Barn Natural Grocery in Eugene, OR and Country Produce & Meat Market in Kiln, MS

A reminder from Rugby League as to why American Football deserves the moniker "Rugby for wussies"

(84)

Dodgers to offer "all you can eat" right-field pavilion seats. Fernando Valenzuela considering comeback in Dodger bullpen, David Wells opens up negotiations with L.A.

(19)

English soccer fans, banned from stadium for violence, rent blimp so they can watch the game. "It's not about the money, it's about football and the rights of supporters to see their football team," one explains

(14)

Indian cricket star jailed for beating a man to death over a parking space. Cincinnati Bengals reportedly in trade talks with Punjab cricket association

Utah Jazz still hurting after being literally biatch slapped by the Mavericks

(NBA Ballers)

Kobe Bryant's jersey No. 1 again -- Kobe's rehabilitation is completed

Notre Dame running back Darius Walker to enter NFL draft. Let's hope he has as much heart and courage as heartful and courageful teammate Brady Quinn has heart and courage

(50)

Mutombo moves past Jabbar into second place for career blocks. Only 693 blocks to go

(32)

Early footage of football game between Bears and Cardinals where the only armor was the onion hanging from your belt

(41)

NY Giants are keeping Coughlin because they don't want a new coach to fail immediately?

(WGAL)

Not everyone is happy the Saints are in the playoffs, including this bride who's getting married on Saturday and keeps losing guests to the game. Football, wedding. Football, wedding. You make the call

(252)

Austrian skier Rainer Schoenfelder loses bet, has to ski down slope naked. Shrinkagearity ensues

(3)

Seventeen finalists announced for the 2007 NFL Hall of Fame. Michael Irvin promises not get pulled over for drugs this time around

Beckham to play for LA Galaxy. Suck it, non-LA MLS fans. Oh, you're not there

(347)

Hall of Famer Cal Ripkin Jr. would like to buy the Orioles, do away with the disabled list

So It turns out Barry Bonds didn't lose all that weight because he quit steroids, it was because he's been on amphetamines

(211)

Beckham leaves Real Madrid to play football in the US. He's not all that bright is he?

(32)

(Telegraph)

Headline: "Wie takes shot at male critics." Subtext: "But slices it into the water hazard"

(15)

Downhill racer skis naked after losing a bet. That's some serious shrinkage

(2)

Duke loses to Georgia Tech..........screw you guys, I'm not saying it

Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro downgraded from Spalding to Elmer's

(8)

Chris Webber agrees to a buyout with the 76ers, a chance to go suck elsewhere

England goes in search of new strategy for success, shrubbery

(4)

Wed January 10, 2007:

# of Comments

Cal Ripken was there in 1995 when baseball needed a savior, and he was there when baseball needed a decent Hall of Famer to take attention away from Mark McGwire. And whenever there's a cop beating up a guy, Cal Ripken will be there too

(31)

Minnesota Wild's Wes Walz tricked by former teammate Andrew Brunette into sending him the puck by shouting his pet name

(16)

Tumor removed from Bobby Murcer's brain was malignant; rest of Yanks' TV broadcast team demands shielding in the booth to protect them from the effects of John Sterling's voice

Lance Armstrong thinks the folks in D.C. need to get on the ball

(25)

Pete Carroll says he's committed to staying at Southern California, which Dolphin fans know means offer more money

(22)

If the Chicago Bears coach catches the distinct scent of urine around Rex Grossman this Saturday, he's got to bench him immediately

(33)

Clint Dempsey's work permit approved, clearing the way for him to become the third American player on Fulham's roster and the 13th American currently in the EPL

(wtkr.com)

Today's "thugs fighting with police at high school basketball game" brought to you by Virginia Beach, VA with video goodness

(MMA Weekly)

UFC legend Randy Couture to come out of retirement and challenge heavyweight champ Tim Sylvia in March

(44)

Sorry, NY Giants fans. No new head coach for you. Not yours

(81)

Philly sportswriter's panties in a twist because Saints have better Cinderella comeback story than Eagles

(31)

Posh and David are soon to be looking for a new home

(9)

Air Force basketball wins 12th game in a row after rallying from 20-point deficit

(9)

Girl blocks 18 shots in a game to set New York state record. Maybe she'll make the WNBA where millions will watch her play every game, perhaps make millions of dollars and play an entertaining game that we love to watch. Bwa ha ha

(26)

Edmonton Oilers goaltender thinks he's a baseball player

(19)

(AOL)

Adding insult to injury, Jeremy Shockey admits he'd rather play for the Philadelphia Eagles than the New York Giants

(76)

How does a pitcher with 287 wins, 3701 Ks and a lifetime 3.31 ERA fail to make the Hall of Fame for nine straight years? The mysterious case of Bert Blyleven

(123)

Dear Big 10 and the rest of you football conferences, "suck it." Sincerely, the SEC

(77)

Hey everybody, it's another article about that $#&*ing horse

(20)

SD Chargers limit ticket sales to Sunday's playoff game to southern California residents only. Submitter feels everybody should be allowed to buy tickets to see Marty Schottenheimer turn Charger Blue as he chokes once again

(68)

ESPN answers five burning questions with regards to this weekend's NFL playoff action. "How bad will Baltimore get their ass kicked?" and "Rex who?" notably left off list

(69)

USC receiver Jarrett to go pro and enter draft. With their first pick in the first round, the Detroit Lions select...

(25)

(northjersey.com)

FIFA report says that fake injuries marred last year's World Cup. Several players now being carted off the field for hurt feelings

Florida's been national champs for 24 hours and everyone's already on the USC bandwagon for next season. Duke sucks

(28)

Despite efforts of 34-year-old freshman Greg Oden, No. 5 Ohio State loses to No. 4 Wisconsin

(21)

Sidney Crosby becomes the youngest player ever to be named to the NHL All-Star game. Suck it, Jagr

(21)

Not news: Having a foot fetish. News: Getting arrested because of your foot fetish. Fark: Getting arrested because you are a high school girls basketball ref trying to get players to model shoes for you

NBA star Jason Kidd tired of being abused by wife, files for divorce

Tue January 09, 2007:

# of Comments

If a coach asks you the capital of Thailand, just stay quiet

"Tony Gwynn: Through the Years," or "What 20 Years of Eating Cheeseburgers Does to an Athlete"

(33)

Ken Griffey, Jr. should be ready to return in time to get injured in spring training

Bill Belichick apologizes to cameraman for shoving him after Sunday's game, offers an awkward man-hug as consolation

(12)

(SI.com)

Cheerleeders, cheerleeders and more cheerleeders... 'nuff said

Jason Kidd files complaint against wife

Two guys arguing over Michelle Wie playing in the Sony Open -- which is more exciting than WATCHING golf

(4)

Shockingly, the NHL claims Rory Fitzpatrick fell short in All-Star Game voting

(28)

English Soccer League Cup: Liverpool: 3. Arsenal: 6. America: Confused

(36)

Attention whore writes article headlined, "I Voted for Mark McGwire"

Video of Bill Belichick's classy photographer slam after the Pats win on Sunday

(62)

Michael Bush to enter NFL draft. Louisville-departure trifecta in play -- countdown to Brohm's announcement now begins in earnest

(5)

Professional athletes encounter violence in New York, Atlanta, Denver and wherever Charles Barkley is

(47)

(Sports Illustrated)

BCS Championship games ranked in order from "someone got screwed" to "the right team won"

(31)

(Fox 10)

Streaker hit by car during football celebrations in Gainesville

(55)

Peter Forsberg continues to get injured in a number of ways but still can't find a frackin' boot for his glass ankle

Ripken, Gwynn reportedly get into Baseball Hall of Fame

(171)

Today's "Bears WR Muhsin Muhammad still dropping passes because of__________" excuse is... *throws dart at dartboard*... bad sod at Soldier Field

Once again blaming everybody but himself, Terrell Owens fires the person who covered his butt on his suici... er, "accidental overdose"

(16)

Undefeated Boise State finishes at #5 in the final AP Poll. Duke sucks

(64)

The Big East finishes undefeated in bowl games, but as expected, the SEC proves it is the best football conference

(47)

Prudential pays $105 million for naming rights to the New Jersey Devils new arena. With the way the Devils draw fans, it should be just as lively as a rock as well

(14)

''The punter is always over there with the kicker playing grab-ass.''

(15)

"Here's Belichick's problem, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he dresses like he's from Appalachia and has the personality of a wet mop: He thinks he's above everybody else"

(80)

Chelsea Football Club signs agreements with India and China in bid for world domination (with scary pic)

Five Chargers and four Bears lead the way on the NFL All-Pro team

(28)

NASCAR to increase the Chase field to 12 drivers next season, will call it the Jeff Gordon/Tony Stewart rule

(29)

(Some Gator)

The Florida Gators became the first program to hold football and men's basketball titles at the same with their 41-14 drubbing of top-ranked Ohio State

(314)

(JPost)

Bahranian runner wins Tiberian Marathon, manages to say he hopes all people can live together in peace and harmony before Bahrain yanks his citizenship for competing in Israel

(128)

Gee, what a surprise... no BCS mini-playoff system until at least 2010

(38)

Florida is the new BCS Champion. God help us all

(228)

Mon January 08, 2007:

# of Comments

うわさ- Sammy Sosa に署名するChunichi のドラゴンか。公爵は吸う

(21)

The Unwritten Rule on fighting in the NHL

(120)

Tarheels # 1 in both polls. Duke Sucks

(26)

Article on what it'll take for the Bears to win against the Seahawks this Sunday. Fat guys in grass skirts strangely not listed. Sausage

(35)

The ACTUAL BCS Championship game thread of the hour

(2343)

Larry Brown to take over as head coach of Philadelphia 76ers

(SI.com)

UNC hoops atop the AP Top 25 Poll for the first time in five years. Duke sucks

(20)

Rex Grossman has seen White Chicks... twice

Dear citizens of Glendale, AZ: Don't worry about the four F-16s or the GIANT FREAKING B-1B STEALTH BOMBER that will do flyovers over your fine city today; it's just preparation for the BCS National Championship game (and thread)

(210)

(some futboler)

Six months after the World Cup, FIFA agrees there may have been some grass diving, tampon designs

Brilliantly mind-numbing point-counterpoint analysis of tonight's National Championship. You have been warned, so do not ask for your 10 minutes back

(12)

Former Utah Jazz center Mark Eaton will lead small business seminar titled, 'Fire: BAD'

(thefa.com)

Bolton at Arsenal? Forrest at Chelsea? Cardiff City or Tottenham v Southend Utd or Barnsley? This isn't news, it's the FA Cup fourth-round draw