Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2006-12-10 23:59:59'

# of Comments

LT breaks the single-season TD record as the Chargers clinch AFC West

Top Ten Wicketkeepers in Test cricket

Apparently the Cubs don't know that an ERA of 6 is not worth $7 million a year

In an early candidate for Premiership match of the season Arsenal draw Chelsea 1-1; submitter understands that most Americans won't understand how a 1-1 draw could be match of the season

(38)

(TSN)

Daughter of Montreal Canadien's GM Bob Gainey missing at sea. Temporarily steps down

(12)

"They can take my gun when they pry my championship ring encrusted fingers from it."

(38)

2006 NASCAR Nextel Cup Champ Jimmie Johnson breaks his wrist playing golf

In the BCS Title Game, both head coaches are Ohio boys

(8)

(CBS SportsLine)

Arizona State announces that they'll be under NCAA sanctions within five years

Father to win 400,000 pounds for betting on son

(NFL.com)

Week 14 NFL discussion thread

(1201)

Complete NFL betting numbers from Vegas. Odds are, you'll lose your bet

Bengal arrested: No, not that one, the other one. No, the other one. No, the other other one. No, the other other other one. No, the other other other other one. No, the other other other other other one. No, the oth-oth-oth-oth-oth-other one

(21)

Sat December 09, 2006:

# of Comments

The Champions League doesn't lie, the Premiership is the best league in the world

Bob Knight passes Adolph Rupp on all-time win list for college coaches, 2 short of Dean Smith's all-time record. Indiana sucks

NBA considering switching back to traditional leather game ball. Apocalypse forstalled, experts predict

(14)

(CNNSI)

The slayer of Wolverines Troy Smith, is the 2006 Heisman Trophy winner

(86)

(CNNSI)

Instead of proposing the novel idea that Michigan actually beat Ohio State, Michigan politicians whine about having a playoff instead

(50)

Rockets hold Bobcats to franchise-history low 62 points. Yaoza, that's gotta hurt

(12)

(Some West Virginia Guy)

Every father dreams of the day his boy will step on the gridiron and thrill the crowd with his baton twirling

(53)

(Roanoke Times)

If you're interested in the deals NIKE brokers with Division I-A colleges, here's the terms they have with Virginia Tech. Reporter had to use the Freedom of Information Act to obtain it

(Scout)

Today's college football discussion thread

(61)

Group of English cricket fans order a takeaway to be delivered to them 9000 miles from the restaurant. And it will be delivered by the owner

(Fox Sports)

Junior Seau enjoys being on Injured Reserve so much that he plans to return for his 18th season

(Fox Sports)

Bengals are considering adding a new position to their staff: Bail Bondsman

(39)

Fri December 08, 2006:

# of Comments

(nfl.com)

NFL.com goes with a Fark cliche for the headline about this weekends Bengal-Raider game

(27)

Rodriguez turns down Alabama coaching job. "Suck it, Tide" trifecta in play

(76)

Rumors grow louder that Allen Iverson might be traded from the Sixers, hopefully to a team that doesn't have bowling nights

(31)

(DeadSpin)

Secretary of Defense Gates outs himself on a Texas A&M football message board

(23)

This week's 'pro athlete who's gay' story brought to you by the New Jersey Nets

(23)

Finally, a foreign sport Americans can get behind: Brazilian women's handball match ends in catfight. Eu golpearia-la

Finally, a Kennedy pleads guilty to being drunk while behind the wheel

(Some Guy Stepping on his Tongue)

Since the season is basically shot, Dolphins fans are content to have "America's Sexiest Cheerleader" on their squad. SFW and mom and dad

Pettitte gets 16 million reasons to put up with Steinbrenner once again

(53)

Former Giants shortstop Jose Uribe killed in car crash in the Dominican Republic

US Soccer Federation names some guy nobody's ever heard of as coach of the national team. Mediocrity to ensue

(37)

Collegiate punter threatens teammate with knife. No, it happened again, just at a school you've heard of this time

Former England national team player Peter Shilton: "Is it being a man to sort of fall over as soon as someone obstructs you?" After reading this, submitter stubs his toe, and falls to the ground clutching his knee screaming for a card

(14)

Alabama: Here's $5M/year and a $7M signing bonus. Nick Saban: Suck it Tide

(72)

George Steinbrenner says he'll give Dwight Gooden a job if he can stay clean longer than Lindsay Lohan

Beckham won't turn other cheek over portrayal in gay male calendar

Steelers RB Willie Parker sets team all-time rushing mark against the Browns with 223 yards

(59)

Buck O'Neill might not have made it into the Baseball Hall of Fame, but the White House is giving him the Presidential Medal of Freedom instead

3 time basketball MVP to miss 2007 season due to not being a lesbian

San Francisco Giants reach one-year deal with Barry Bonds, Satan

(30)

Two overtimes, 318 points, 34 lead changes, 21 ties and a dramatic showdown between two of the best point guards in the game

(39)

Thu December 07, 2006:

# of Comments

Larry Bird is 50 today, could still score that many points against the Pacers

The only basketball team in the current AP poll to have beaten another ranked team on the road is... Witchita State?

(26)

DirecTV will let NASCAR fans watch an entire race from inside a race car. Rednecks across the U.S. rejoice, at least until they realize they don't have DirecTV

Orlando's T.D. Waterhouse Arena to be renamed Amway Arena. Tell your friends

(28)

Angels almost traded for Todd Helton before realizing they aren't retarded

(ben will be fine)

Findlay, Ohio police dog shot and killed. Hometown boy, Ben Roethlisberger, throws in $15,000 to pay for a new dog. Promptly intercepted by Delphos dalmatian and returned for a touchdown

Royals sign Gil Meche to a five-year, $55-million deal. Wait, Gil Meche gets $11M a year until 2011? Whaaat?

(34)

Worst. Sports arenas. EVAR

(112)

Parcells: "This will be the most important speech I'll make all year." T.O: "What's that coach? I wasn't listening"

Juergen Klinsmann withdraws name from consideration to be next U.S. Soccer head coach. Normally the punchline would go here, but I think the punchline is the U.S. Soccer Federation

(39)

Patriots' Tom Brady takes time out of coddling goats to sue Yahoo. The Smoking Gun is there

Chinese woman sets new record in the um.... snatch

Chelsea (the English Football club, you ninny) ready to give up on the guys they just paid £30 million and £21 million to secure. Who says Chelsea aren't artificially inflating transfer fees?

Peter King's NFL picks, including the Cardinals over Seattle by two and venti half-caf caramel macchiato over grande low-fat espresso con panna by two stirrers

(31)

Supercomputer used to evaluate NFL playcalls, find Sarah Connor

Manchester City is the latest English football club targeted for purchase by a foreigner, begging the question, "Where are the rich English people?"

Old and busted Knicks chants: DE-FENCE. New and overdue hotness: Fire Isiah

If you are a high school football star and want to play for college, it's probably not a good idea to brag to reporters about all of the free crap you are getting

(The Local)

Swedish girls hockey team disallowed from posing topless in yearbook

(32)

Spain: Gibraltar cant join UEFA because there stadium is on disputed territory. An if we dont get our way we will hold our breath till we turn blue

Bob "Don't call me Knight" Knight ties Adolph Rupp for 2nd on NCAA's Div I all-time winning list. Dean Smith's record three wins away. Duke sucks

After using flex scheduling to move Buffalo-Miami game to 4:00 p.m. start, NFL realizes that nobody wants to see it, moves it back to 1:00 p.m.

(26)

(NBC13)

Woman, 81, tries to extort Bart Starr out of $2 million. Hope they have ESPN Classic where she'll be spending the next few years

Chicago Cubs throw $40 million at another pitcher with injury problems and control issues. Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there

(30)

Wed December 06, 2006:

# of Comments

(Road Flares AWAYYY!)

When fans come to support the visting team, what's the only logical way to get rid of them? By throwing flares at them, of course

(33)

MLB "Civil Rights Game" next year to feature Cleveland Indians, and their cartoonish Native American mascot, Chief Wahoo

(18)

Real Madrid may offer up to $8 million to bring the Gooch to the Bernabeu. Suck it, Donovan

Ted Lilly says he wants to pitch for the Cubs because he wants to win a World Series. Wait, what?

New basketball uniforms that can keep score, tally fouls. Maybe they can let players know Duke sucks

Reeling from division rival signing 327-year-old Greg Maddux, the Dodgers over pay for their own pitcher in Jason Schmidt

(12)

Mike Piazza finally realizes he can't catch on the diamond any more, will continue to catch in the bedroom, however

(nhl.com)

Write-in candidate Rory Fitzpatrick moving up the rankings for the NHL All-Star game

(40)

Quite possibly the greatest high school football game ever played. However, the announcers make John Madden sound like a genius

(52)

(MLive)

Matt Millen, with an NFL-worst 23-69 record since 2001 as GM of the Detroit Lions, may stick around to help team suck more in the future

(31)

FIFA sets schedule for 2010 World Cup in South Africa, schedule is immediately carjacked, robbed and beaten

"Terrell Owens hosted his fifth annual birthday party Monday night at the Shag Hollywood." Which explains why he acts like an infant and catches like a kindergartener

Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin pleads guilty to inattentive driving. By inattentive, we mean watching a porn movie in your car, masturbating and crashing into another car

Wombats defeat Wombles 2-0 in a tournament called "The Ashes" in England. Submitter RTFA and still can't figure out what sport they were playing. There are apparently wickets involved. The Sun is there, just in case

"What if the NFL used the BCS?" 2006 edition

(43)

Tony LaRussa's wife asks him to dress up like a rabbit. This isn't quite the same as Hugh Jackman's wife asking him to dress up like Wolverine

MSG chief calls a personal foul on investigators checking on whether Isiah targeted a female executive with "severe" harassment. Still no cure for the Knicks sucking

(3)

NBA officials refuse to consider the sale of the Memphis Grizzlies because the sale terms do not yet meet NBA standards. In other words, this is NBA corporate speak for "quit sucking ass and you're sold"

(Some Finebaum)

"I'm sorry, it didn't happen because the antediluvian Big Ten doesn't have a championship game. Not my problem that they're stuck in the '50s up there in the Rust Belt"

(42)

Giants GM Brian Sabean says he and Barry Bonds' agent aren't "even in the same ballpark" regarding a new contract. Fails to add, "Once we squeeze his giant head in here, there's no room for anyone else"

(2)

(TKCC)

What's worse, to be the blind football player, or to be on one of the teams whose collective ass was kicked by him?

(2)

(Some Puck Bunny)

Brett Hull and Bobby Hull: The first and only father-son combination in NHL history to each score 600 goals and 1,000 points. AND the only father-son combination in any professional sport to have their jerseys retired

(MLB.com)

Giants close to resigning Bonds? Not so fast

After last Sunday's commendable performance, Rex Grossman stays put in the latest QB rankings

(25)

Leafs blow two-goal lead and lose to some team from the ice-hockey powerhouse that is Georgia as Toronto fans boo their team. What the hell, is it the first round of playoffs already?

(Duke Basketball Report)

Ever wanted to filter out Dick Vitale's voice while watching a game on TV? Here's how. Ironic tag for the fact that even Duke fans hate Dookie V

Tue December 05, 2006:

# of Comments

NFL's Thomas suspended for steroids by the league... steroids that were used to treat his asthma... a steroid application that the league is aware of. There goes the TD record

(28)

(Greenville Online)

Tommy Bowden on Steve Spurrier's raise: "That's amazing how this thing works because I'm at a place where seven gets you fired. He's at a place where seven gets you a raise"

(25)

Projecting how the last NFL draft would look if it were done today. Marques Colston gets bumped up 250 slots

(22)

Greg Maddux signs a one-year, $10-million contract with the Padres. Duke sucks

(Some Gorilla Guy)

Red Sox sign Drew to $70m contract, or one dollar for every day he'll be on the DL

(49)

"It's neat to have broads all over you," says Dallas Green of Phillies, LF Pat Burrell. What makes this quote better? 1) Use of the word "broad"? Or 2) Fine characterization of the life of a baseball player?

(66)

Sidney Crosby leads all skaters in Eastern Conference All-Star votes

Cubs set to offer former Yankees reject Ted Lilly a four-year, $40-million contract for going 15-13 last season

Polonium found at Arsenal's Emirates stadium, maybe Litvinenko meant to smuggle the radioactive material to France

(60)

Florida Gators were for championship game rematches before they were against them

(25)

Editorial denounces plan to trade Kevin Garnett to the Phoenix Suns, even though no such plans were ever considered. Submitter would like to pre-emptively denounce plans for everyone at Fark.com to send him a dollar

MLB owner: "I will give money back to anyone who bought season tickets and doesn’t believe we have a good team"

Quarterback Charlie Frye might miss this weekend's game against Pittsburgh, which could potentially put Cleveland's playoff hopes in jeopAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA. Sorry, almost made it all the way without laughing there

(40)

Bowl games ranked from "awesome" to "watching this is a complete waste of time"

(27)

(foxsoccer.com)

Klinsmann named head coach of U.S. men's socccer team

(38)

(Rockie Mountain News)

Everybody wants Jason Jennings except the Colorado Rockies, who are sure to get swindled

Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester's cancer is in remission

(22)

University of Florida president to lobby for NCAA Division I playoff

Top golf shots of 2006

(8)

Cal Ripken Jr. dodges questions regarding steroids and the Hall of Fame

Boston University hockey team takes the kind of beating usually reserved for the Boston Bruins

Senate Bill 49 aimed at keeping the 49ers in San Francisco

(Some Gator Site)

Guess which state doesn't believe in rematches for the national championship? Except, of course, their own

(41)

Chelsea boss, Jose Mourinho rushed to hospital with acute head pains. First question asked, "have you eaten any sushi lately?"

This week's ESPN power rankings make great benefit for glorious nation of Chargers

(77)

Lucious Pusey is quite mad at Deadspin and he will flip them off when he gets to the NFL

(The Duluth Budgeteer)

Man writes entire book of poetry on the Packers-Vikings rivalry. Sure to frequently contain verses such as "Favre goes back to pass for the Pack. Favre gets intercepted and hit for a sack"

Staten Island, realizing they have enough problems, tells NASCAR to suck it

Wizards pull win over Mavericks out of hat. No, you can't have that 13-game win streak. Not yours

ESPN to buy UK's NASN, which may mean more MLB, NHL and NFL in EU

After winning the battle of worst QB performance in NFL history against David Carr, Rex Grossman may have played himself out of the starting role next season

(32)

We replaced the Panthers quarterback with Eli Manning. Let's see if they notice

(Rochester D and C)

College basketball team forfeits games because one player was ruled ineligible. Since he didn't even go to that college that seems to be putting it lightly

(Some Eagles Bandwagon Jumper)

Eagles manage to squeak out a win on MNF. Fans offering sacrificial cheesesteaks to the gods must have worked

(36)

New York State says cheerleaders must cheer for boys and girls basketball teams. Guess what the cheerleaders think about that?

(150)

(SI.Com)

SI writer pens an article about a game of "NCAA '07" he played this weekend. In other news, submitter got a 206 in "Wii Bowling" the other night

After 18 years, Ben Johnson says that he has figured out that Carl Lewis spiked his beer so Ben would test positive for steroids

(49)

USC's Bush whacked by UCLA's Jones-Drew for crack about Bruins football win

Australia 513 & 168-4 beat England 551-6 dec & 129 by six wickets. Translation? England managed to lose...again

(22)

Texas Rangers sign Padilla, now must buy out his contract with the Guantanamo Bay Combatants

(3)

New York Mets reportedly offer Barry Zito a 6 year, $105 million dollar contract

Despite past T & A photos, Danica Patrick turns down Maxim and Playboy, to go "wholesome" route

(68)

NHL cap to increase about 4%. Lou Lamoriello will use extra money to sign 54 players

NASCAR turns left, won't be coming to Staten Island. But don't despair, these things are cyclical

(3)

Bears head coach Lovie Smith is not going to perform a Rexorcist

(26)

(MLB.com)

SF Giants GM: ♫ I want my Barryback-Barryback-Barryback- I want my Barryback-Barryback-Barryback...♫

Mon December 04, 2006: