Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Sports Archives for '2006-12-03 23:59:59'

# of Comments

U of Florida to play Ohio State in the BCS championship. Duke sucks

(287)

BCS announcement shortly

(495)

Ohio State's Jim "Sweater Vest" Tressel proves he is a pansy and hates America by choosing not to vote, suck it Coaches Poll

Robert Downey, Jr. offers to help Keith Urban when he gets out of rehab. This would be similar to Charles Oakley helping Latrell Sprewell with anger management issues

University of Florida president to lobby rest of SEC's presidents for playoff system. Finally

(67)

Attempt to prove he's as big a grumpy hardass as his head coach, Patriots owner revokes former player's season tickets

(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

How television took control of sports

(ConnPost)

Fans so unused to winning that they storm basketball court after beating 0-7 team

Week 13 NFL discussion thread

(1446)

(CNN/SI)

Sports Illustrated ranks the top 12 richest men in baseball. 252 million bucks for someone who can swing a piece of wood, what a sport

(48)

Because Fark inexplicably ignores new about the Welsh ice hockey league, here's some

(Some Tooth)

Arsenal rolls over arch rivals Tottenham in a controversial North London Derby, of course Graham Poll is there

(21)

Sat December 02, 2006:

# of Comments

Bill Self celebrates 5 year contract extension with monumental choke job at DePaul. Duke sucks

"Wake Forest was expected to finish last in its division. Instead, [they] are squaring off against No. 23 Ga Tech for a trip to the Orange Bowl." Is that true? If so, who deserves the credit for such overachievment?

Navy beats Army for the fifth year in a row, suck it Army

(55)

USC loses again to an unranked team. BCS still trying to work them into #2 somehow

(232)

Women's beach volleyball finally comes to the Middle East. Praise Allah

FIU's basketball team travels to Wisconsin to face the Badgers. Their jersey did not make the same trip, so Wisconsin buys them generic black jerseys and shoes so the game can be played

(Fox Sports)

Barry Bonds agent says re-signing Mr. Bonds is not a priority for the Giants. Because, you know, in his 15th year he is playing for the team and not stats or anything like that

Sheryl Crow is still nut over Lance Armstrong

Lincoln defeats Ohio State-Marion 201-78 to set the D-III scoring record. Duke sucks

Baseball's oldest franchise introduces new uniforms (with gratuitous cheerleader pic in the photo gallery)

Today's college football discussion thread

(1127)

Bode Miller captures downhill skiing victory, the fastest a Miller has gone downhill since they introduced Miller Light

(2)

Projected 2007 lineups and pitching staffs for every Major League team

(19)

(DallasCowboys.com)

Terrell Owens is simply misunderstood

(56)

Browns' lineman out for season with mental disorder. You'd be crazy too if you were a lineman and your nickname was "Swinging Door"

(Some Armoured Wankballer)

Tickets for the World Cup of Football now on sale. No, not that one. The other one

Giants decline to offer arbitration to Barry Bonds, meaning he might be hitting home runs* for someone else next season

Allen Iverson, fined by the Philadelphia 76ers for skipping a team event, takes the Terrell Owens defense. My over the counter medicine was making me sleepy

(1)

(Rhett)

Not News: BU @ BC Hockey in December. News: Game Cancelled. Fark: Due to fog? 1975 called and would like its playoff game back

(10)

Yankees fans will have to shell out another $40 if they want to properly boo A-Rod next year

Fri December 01, 2006:

# of Comments

Former major league pitcher Don Carman responds to a few hundred fan letters he found after they had been sitting in a box in his garage for fifteen years

(MetsBlog)

No Atlanta, you can't have Tom Glavine back. Not yours

Some NFL QB rankings for you all to argue over

(43)

Man U signs 78-year-old Henrik Larsson

NBA players sue NBA for the right to whine and they want their balls back

Bode Miller crashes during slalom run, giving combined downhill title to some European guy. No, this is not a repost from last year

Kellen Winslow claiming to be the best tight end in the NFL amuses Tony Gonzalez; piques interest of Michael Strahan

(46)

Bookie takes plea deal, set to testify against NHL coach Rick Tocchet. Wayne Gretzky's wife's bust may come into play

Having solved all other problems, Louisiana governor is personally calling BCS bowl presidents to explain why LSU deserves an invitation

(44)

Edmonton hometown scorers credit the Oilers with 34 hits to the Avs' five in a 7-3 loss

(19)

You know it's going to be a bad basketball season when the coach quits before November's over

Kobe nails 52 points the same day ESPN has an article asking if Kobe will ever be Kobe again post-knee surgery. You can take the knee out of the Kobe, but you can't take the ball out of his hands

Allen Iverson skips "mandatory" Sixers bowling night. In other news, the Sixers hold mandatory bowling nights

(20)

Court denies male high school student's request to join girls' gymnastics squad, stating that nowhere in the Constitution is he guaranteed the right to slam his nuts into the uneven parallel bars for 90 seconds at a throw

(26)

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announces he will retire in three years; will keep kissing Barry Bonds' steroid-injected ass until then

(20)

Teenager catches world-record marlin, is shredded in the mass media by "crackpots, nutters, and rabid animal-libbers." If only he had been old, he could have passed it off as his statement of his philosophy of Manhood

(22)

Thu November 30, 2006:

# of Comments

Angels pitcher hasn't played college ball since 2004. EA makes him "NCAA 07" cover athlete anyway

(20)

(Fox Sports)

NASCAR's Darrell Waltrip finally says something intelligent: NASCAR is changing too much, too fast

(30)

Smokin' Joe Frazier to take on mayor of Memphis in boxing ring tonight. And you thought "Rocky VI" was ridiculous

Bears' Grossman admits to X-rated talk with Vikings DBs, giving them an ass pounding

(35)

State of Miss. ad campaign features natives Favre, McNair, Payton, Rice and Tagline: "Yes, we wear shoes"

Total number of undergrads enrolled Ohio State: approx. 51K. BCS title game tickets allotted to OSU: 16K Amount earmarked for students (via lottery): 1,000. No you can't go to the BCS title game. Not yours

(55)

(AOL)

Nomar Garciaparra and Mia Hamm to have twins, Nomar Jr. and his evil brother Ramon

(32)

A new world record and more than 1000 runs in one game -- and STILL the most stultifyingly boring sport ever created

(42)

Tonight, instead of watching "Grey's Anatomy," women in Ohio and Maryland will have to keep the nachos and beer flowing

(22)

KU Jayhawks assured of a first round exit from the NCAA Tourney through 2011

(16)

Art Shell accuses unnamed member of the Raiders of trying to bring down the team. Current No. 1 suspect: Awful coach Art Shell

Who will revive English Rugby in its darkest hour? A Welshman? We will never hear the end of this

Michael Strahan gives the most articulate interview you'll ever hear by a man wolfing down a hot dog

(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Parents sue and win to allow community panel to pick players for girl's HS basketball team. None of their girls get picked for team. Team loses. Guess who still ain't happy

(167)

Peter King's NFL picks include broke-ass Browns somehow stopping Larry Johnson. And biggest loser of the Texans-Raiders crapfest? Everybody who watches it

(50)

Sorry fellow Wolfpack fans, you can't have Bill Cowher as your next football coach. Not yours

After Vick's bird flipping incident, Raiders realize that he is perfect for their organization

(11)

Jay Cutler jerseys are selling like hotcakes the week before he gets pancaked

(William Hill)

Bet on which excuse Arsene 'Whinging" Wenger will use if he loses the upcoming North London Derby

(38)

Predators' winning streak still intact, plan to celebrate by cleaning the skulls of the defeated Flyers and keeping them as trophies

(11)

(Some Wings fan)

Boyd "The Void" Devereaux scores three goals, outdoes the Red Wings offense

T.O. decides that he hasn't saw his name in the paper enough and feels he needs to rectify the situation by questioning the Cowboys release of the "idiot kicker"

(29)

Today's Sandy Bagina story brought to you by World Series Champion Albert Pujols, who is still mad that Philadelphia Philly Ryan Howard won the MVP

(28)

NHL to unveil 07's newly redesigned streamline uniforms at all-star game in january

(36)

USC routs Ohio State in the Bowl Championship...wait this is basketball? Nevermind

Pro-family leader dismayed to see NHL in league with homosexual agenda

(27)

NFL needs to let QBs take off the dress

(60)

(ABC 7)

ABC 7, the station that brought us Ric Romero, reports that while the Houston Texans were impressed with Justin Gatlin's speed, they don't feel like signing someone banned from track and field for eight years for steroid use

(7)

Australia delay naming team for second Ashes test against England, not sure if they will field a team from Mrs. McGarrigle's Daycare or one from The Midvale School For The Gifted to give the Poms a chance

Not happy with his World Series ring, Albert Pujols* whines that he should have been the MVP because the Cardinals bullpen was better than the Phillies bullpen

(60)

Five European cities picked as possible venues for NFL games. Fans expected to wander away confused when players on field throw ball around with their hands, and don't crumple to the field in "agony" with the least bit of contact

(28)

Chinese doping expert warns athletes going to 2008 Olympics that Chinese food is so laced with anabolic steroids that athletes who eat it could later fail drug tests. Nice to have the alibi so far in advance

(Cybergolf)

Should golf be added to the Olympics? Opinionated editor says yes, "Just to make it worse."

(tvsquad.com)

In yet another move to puzzle and piss off their fan base, NASCAR hires Melissa Rivers to host the "red carpet" at annual awards banquet

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays think they can draw a crowd if they play the Rangers in Disney World next season. That's just goofy

Wed November 29, 2006:

# of Comments

This just in: The NBA Eastern Conference is the worst in all of sports

(27)

What kind of sick, demented world do we live in, when Terrell Owens becomes the voice of reason?

(Deadspin)

Lance Armstrong has been keeping busy since retiring from cycling: running in marathons, hanging out with celebrities, hacking into French people's computers

(6)

(Sports Illustrated)

On the list of life's complexities, there are few things more baffling than the federal tax code, mortgage applications, or the college bowl selection process

Devil Rays pay 4.5 million, twice what they are paying any player on their team just to talk to some 3b from Japan no one cares about

"Sir, To coin a phrase from an earlier Ashes tour: 'There are two teams out there but only one of them is playing cricket.'"

(2)

London's cost for hosting 2012 Olympics is already £900 million over budget, perhaps because it includes a £400 million fee for consultants whose sole job is to ensure the project stays on budget

(7)

(Red vs Blue)

Remember the Colts TE that complained about how he was portrayed in the Madden 2007 ad? Turns out that particular ad was made by the Red vs Blue guys and they don't want a 252 lb. professional football player mad at them

(63)

Jogo Stupido: Argentina striker forced to wear Brazilian jersey for walking out of team meeting

(2)

Peter Forsberg rumored to go back to the Avalanche, will be reunited with his spleen

The Pistons have 'Deee-troit basketball,' the Lions have 'Fire Millen.'

(Sports Illustrated)

Sports Illustrated ranks top 10 "unstoppable" NFL players in last 10 years. No. 2 and No. 3 have been stopped every year

(65)

Ron Mexico fined $80,000 pesos for dirty bird, no word yet on how much fine will be for sucking

Shockey says that there is no way in Hell the Cowboys will beat the Giants. No chance this could backfire, right?

(48)

Michael Vick fined $10,000 for Sunday's obscene gesture. In other news, submitter just spent $1.00 at the vending machine

(89)

A rundown of the college football carousel over the past week or so and why nobody sane wants to coach at Alabama or Miami (FL)

(28)

(Mirror.co.uk)

Cricket-loving Scot sells house to follow favorite team to Australian tournament

(newsobserver.com)

Duke gets by Indiana 54-51 in ACC-Big Ten Challenge, sucks

Week 13 NFL power rankings, the "we forgot to greenlight yesterday's thread, here's another" edition

(44)

McNabb has surgery, out for next 8 - 12 months. Philadelphia Eagles still figure prominently to not win the Super Bowl

Miami Hurricanes headed to the Tater Bowl due to this year's lack of a hurricane season

Chris Pronger booed mercilessly on his return to Edmonton

The best and worst deals of the MLB offseason so far. And by "best," they mean "the single, solitary reasonable contract offered in this ridiculously expensive offseason."

(62)

(Deadspin)

Jay Cutler may have driven Jake Plummer back into the arms of his first love

(10)

England Rugby coach Andy Robinson finally quits, in the same way that a cannonball is quit out of a cannon

(6)

In an attempt to cure England's soccer failures, top researchers get together and find that in one match, Wayne Rooney burns enough energy to boil 16 cups of tea. Them English love their tea. Still no cure for David Beckham

(Nike)

Apparently Nike's new golf balls are awesome. To illustrate this point, they have decided to shoot them at high velocity at breakable objects, and film it with a high speed camera

(89)

Vick fined 20 large for his impression of the "dirty bird"

(23)

Tue November 28, 2006:

# of Comments

"Cowboys need Parcells' trademark finish." Not sure what two slices of peach pie and an Irish coffee are going to do for them

Chiefs let deadline pass for activating 33-year-old Priest Holmes, could comeback in 2007

Not accustomed to settling for second best, Steinbrenner and Co. reportedly do just that, win bid for Japanese pitcher Igawa

Before the season: Soriano whines moving to the OF will mean his free agency contract is smaller. Oh look, his $18-million-per-year contract has all these fun perks

Salt N Pepa would be proud, Shoop Raiders dump Walsh

Bret Saberhagen says he won't go into the Baseball Hall of Fame unless they decide to put Pete Rose in. Well, there goes the new water gun bleach wing

(38)

(Skinet.com)

Exciting: Bode Miller has top U.S. result in World Cup SG. Not so exciting: The U.S. is about as good at skiing as they are in soccer, gets 14th place

Coach of England national rugby team to resign today. Why? His performance rhymes with "rucks"

(21)

Report: Mark McGwire may fall short in HOF voting. Obvious tag points to the bleachers, hits one outta the park

(46)

Great Players on Wrong Teams

(77)

When your star player goes down all is not lost, remember the Ewing Theory

(29)

Two women arrested at hockey game. In other news, women attend hockey games

(23)

FIFA's resident lunatic, Sepp Blatter, says one crazy thing and one sane thing -- you decide which is which

Chess players to face anti-doping tests for some damn reason. "I would not know which drug could possibly help a chess player to improve his game," says one baffled official

(193)

(Al.com)

Spurrier, Saban not interested in coaching at a third-tier school that has no concept of a rebuilding year

(48)

Bipolar Red Wings lose five in a row after winning nine is a row

(Rocky Mountain News)

Ben Wallace benched by Bulls for wearing headband, rather than for his poor play

You'd think watching Brett Favre get pounded every week would get old. It doesn't

Bobby Knight's 1987 Indiana Hoosiers win the NCAA Tournament -- but check out those short shorts. Eeeeeeek

(Dead Spin)

ESPN at the forefront of story concerning Irvin's comment that Tony Romo's great, great, great grandmother did it with an African-American in a barn

(26)

(Deadspin)

Former Eagles wide receiver Freddie Mitchell is enjoying his retirement: Substitute teaching at a high school, trying to get girls' numbers after class

North Carolina State beats Michigan in first game of ACC-Big Ten Challenge. Duke sucks

South Korea's fears that their medal hopes at the 15th Asian Games are crushed because they have been denied the source of their secret powers: Kimchi

(Rocky Mountain News)

Carmelo Anthony and J.R. Smith are BFFs (with cutest pic eva)

Chargers cornerback Gordan Cletis joins more than 40 arrested Raider fans in jail

What is wrong with Eli Manning?

(41)

(Some Middle Finger)

Professional sports player apologizes for making hand gestures he learned as a child, and which everyone understands and is not normally offended by. Go ahead and fuzz it out, it's not like we don't know that particular sign language

(6)

(Some Yank)

Marcus "Obi Wan" Hahnemann to stay on as Royal's netminder through 2008

Tony Romo is the next Tom Brady. And that's a SHOOT, brutha

(42)

Survey shows only 25 percent of Hall of Fame voters say they will vote for Mark McGwire. Then again, polls showed Kerry winning in 2004 and "Brokeback Mountain" winning Best Picture last year

Mon November 27, 2006:

# of Comments

Monday Night Football thread: Holy crap is it snowing

(162)

Vick's birds grounded