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Sun March 25, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(ESPN) Dumbass Bobby Jenks to Red Sox: "I'm really sorry I got caught fleeing a strip club while drunk at 3:43 am. We're still good, right?"  (espn.go.com) (21)
(ESPN) Spiffy Tiger Woods does 72 holes, finishes on top  (espn.go.com) (26)
(Yahoo) Sad Boxing writer Bert Sugar dies of cardiac arrest  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Cool Expect another battle royale between Tony Stewart and Jimmie Johnson when they re-engage at Fontana. Fun in the sun (we hope) in Cali with the Auto Club 400, 2:30 EDT on FOX  (sports.yahoo.com) (458)
(Yahoo) Interesting Kentucky takes on Baylor while North Carolina faces off against Kansas in the only day of March Madness that makes any sense. First tip-off at 2:20 EDT on CBS  (rivals.yahoo.com) (305)
(Some Guy) Cool As the NASCAR boys out in California nervously watch for rain, Indycar kicks off a new season with the funky looking DW12 on the streets of St. Pete. Coverage starts at 12:30 PM ET on ABC  (indiana.sbnation.com) (160)
(ESPN) Spiffy The NCAA Basketball Tournament is obviously a giant liberal conspiracy as evidenced by the fact that Barack Obama is kicking your ass with his bracket picks  (games.espn.go.com) (52)
(Yahoo) Spiffy New women's power lifting world record set ... by a 10-year-old  (sports.yahoo.com) (33)
(Albany Times Union) Cool 2200 students, no athletic scholarships, no problem - Union College is in the Frozen Four  (timesunion.com) (35)
(Fox News) Interesting Lewis Hamilton is on pole for the Formula 1 Malaysian Grand Prix, proving that the new McLaren can handle itself on video game style Tilkedromes as well as it can on real race tracks. Can Schumacher play spoiler? Live at 3:30 AM ET  (foxnews.com) (194)


Sat March 24, 2012
(Yahoo) Interesting Packers sign center Saturday. They signed him on Saturday? No, Friday. Who? Saturday. What?  (sports.yahoo.com) (23)
(CBC) Interesting Tryouts for a Canadian lingerie football team takes place to the drooling of a nearly all male audience. Yes, there's a video  (cbc.ca) (36)
(ESPN) Interesting ♫They say that Chipper, Chipper, ♪ tore his meniscus. ♫ Now you will see, ♪ he needs surgery ♫  (espn.go.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Spiffy While the motorsport press was worried how Danca Patrick's latest crash will effect her latest GoDaddy advert they failed to notice that 18yo Elena Myers became the first woman to win a race at Daytona. On a motorbike. Why yes, she is hot  (bikesportnews.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious Bobby Valentine's understated, mild-mannered, low-key, soft sell, "don't rock the boat" style is endearing him to Red Sox management. Just kidding  (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com) (25)
(Some Scared Guy) Dumbass Antonio Cromartie backs down from a confrontation with Tim Tebow. This is a repeat of week 11 of the 2011 regular season   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (31)
(Grantland) Fail Sixty reasons why Fark's favorite Warriors fan huffs paint (bonus: not a slideshow)  (grantland.com) (31)
(JSOnline) Obvious MLB team in a small market set to welcome 3 million fans for the season. Ownership to pay for talent. In other news this is happening in Milwaukee. FARK: Team owner will profit. SuperFark: It might work  (jsonline.com) (51)
(Fox News) Stupid South Carolina high schools to make bass fishing an official sport. Finally, an activity for the master baiter  (foxnews.com) (25)
(ESPN) Interesting All of the Miami Heat players don hoodies for picture in support of Trayvon Martin's family. Except for the one white guy on the team, he wasn't there that day  (espn.go.com) (123)
(ESPN) Stupid Chicago Blackhawks defenseman Duncan Keith suspended five games for doing something that everyone wishes they could do  (espn.go.com) (45)
(CBS Sports) Obvious Joba wins the Carl Pavano Yankee Excellence award for 2012  (cbssports.com) (21)
(ESPN) Interesting Colts cut Manning. Manning signs with Broncos. Broncos trade Tebow to Jets. Jets trade Stanton to Colts. Everyone got that?  (espn.go.com) (47)
(NHL) Cool Montreal Canadiens forward Erik Cole scores a natural hat trick five minutes into the start of the game, makes taunting gestures at Scott Gomez  (nhl.com) (47)


Fri March 23, 2012
(Fark) Cool Friday night NCAA basketball discussion thread -- the when the hell did Baylor get a contending athletic program edition  (fark.com) (314)
(FilmDrunk) Amusing Kazakhstani athlete serenaded by Borat anthem instead of national anthem during gold medal ceremony  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (16)
(Bellator) Cool Friday night fights Bellator 62 "fark it, my bracket is doomed" edition. The Heavyweight Tournament Final has been scrapped, Santos declared a Fatbodyweight, but the Lightweight Quarterfinals must go on. Fights start at 7pm ET  (bellator.com) (150)
(Some Guy) Ironic That college basketball player arrested on an outstanding warrant just before he could take the court for the final game of his career? He majored in Criminology  (wtkr.com) (20)
(NBC San Diego) Asinine This means Mark Cuban automatically becomes owner and the Padres payroll balloons to $60 mil. Right? Right? Oh God it's hard being a Padres fan  (nbcsandiego.com) (33)
(ESPN) Dumbass Not content with inventing the wrap sandwich, Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine creates something new: complaining about a tie game in spring training  (espn.go.com) (52)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Top seeded Michigan State now has an entire summer to work on their recent 28% shooting  (chicagotribune.com) (24)
(SeattlePI) Cool Lesley Visser told tOSU hoops coach Thad Matta, "you're hot" at halftime last night (w/ video)  (blog.seattlepi.com) (16)
(Break) Video Just for kicks, here are all 234 of Lionel Messi's goals  (break.com) (29)
(USA Today) Stupid Rays player charged with DUI, hit-and-run. No witnesses, lawyer unwilling to cross bridge  (content.usatoday.com) (19)
(ESPN) Interesting X-rays negative on Dustin Pedroia's hand that was hit by a pitch. The ball would have hit anyone else in the knee  (espn.go.com) (25)
(Some TX Guy) Interesting "Tony Romo is a better QB than I was" says Troy Aikman, who had to go polish his rings afterwards  (themonitor.com) (219)
(Deadspin) Dumbass Stay classy, Jason Smith and Hornets fans  (deadspin.com) (63)
(Deadspin) Amusing MLB team plans to sell a hot dog for $26 this season, and it's not the Yankees  (deadspin.com) (59)
(USA Today) Interesting Bengals cheerleader says squad members torn by implants. Maybe they should have gone with a smaller size  (content.usatoday.com) (185)
(Some Saint) Amusing From the team that brought you "Randy Moss Hood Ornament Night", and "Michael Vick Chew-toy Day", comes their latest creation: "Bounties for Big Hits"  (saintsbaseball.com) (7)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Owner of building next to Wrigley may take down sign because it "shows futility", not unlike the 25 minor leaguers on the field  (chicagotribune.com) (10)
(ESPN) Cool United States shuts out Cuba. This is not a repeat from 1962  (espn.go.com) (18)
(ESPN) Obvious Tebow must wait three days before his ascension to the Jets  (espn.go.com) (52)
(YouTube) Fail And the Oscar for the worst flop in basketball history goes to Mick Pennisi  (youtube.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Obvious Actual headline: 'If Duke played the Taliban, I'd pull for Taliban'  (kptv.com) (23)


Thu March 22, 2012
(The Raw Story) Dumbass Pat Robertson puts a bounty out on Peyton Manning. Can we get him banned for life..please?  (rawstory.com) (191)
(ESPN) Obvious Panini America debuts the trading card showing Tim Tebow throwing a pass in Jets uniform for their May 2012 card release. It looks 'shopped, I can tell by the pixels and by having seen lots of 'shops  (espn.go.com) (47)
(Boston.com) Spiffy Goofus Manning gets highest contract in the league despite being injured last season, Gallant Brady restructures deal to make less than $1 million this season  (articles.boston.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Obvious Mike Wallace looking for Larry Fitzgerald money. I really doubt 60 Minutes will meet that demand   (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (47)
(PennLive) Asinine Apparently Jerry Sandusky's admission of guilt to one of his alleged victims' mothers wasn't a detail worth mentioning to the case investigator  (pennlive.com) (59)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Well, at least Rex Ryan will probably have a couple weeks grace period before somebody 'Tebows' him...oh...nevermind (w/ video)  (myfoxdc.com) (36)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Bears. Bush. Battlestar Galactica  (chicagotribune.com) (55)
(New York Daily News) Followup Jets QB wants to be traded or released following Tebow trade  (nydailynews.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Fail Old Dominion University's star senior missed the last game of his college career last night after being arrested just minutes before he was supposed to take the court  (wtkr.com) (14)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) PSA Chipper Jones will end his Hall of Fame career after this season  (blogs.ajc.com) (36)
(USA Today) Followup Usually, the answer to a question headline is "no". Occasionally, though, the answer is "No shiat, Sherlock"  (content.usatoday.com) (9)
(Yahoo) Obvious Warren Sapp fingers Jeremy Shockey. Ewwww  (sports.yahoo.com) (248)
(Some Guy) Silly Yankees own bounty system involved trying to injure ARod   (callofthegreenmonster.typepad.com) (16)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Ironic NFL player known as "The Law Firm" signs with Cincinnati Bengals  (cincinnati.com) (41)
(Deadspin) Dumbass CNBC's Darren Rovell posts his version of the NY Jets' new logo to the delight of absolutely no one  (deadspin.com) (28)
(ESPN) Spiffy Brewers to honor Bob Uecker with statue just a bit outside of Miller Park  (sports.espn.go.com) (88)
(ESPN) Obvious The Jets are making the perfect move by trading for Tebow  (espn.go.com) (80)
(ESPN) Obvious The Jets don't know what they are doing by trading for Tebow  (espn.go.com) (7)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Waiting until overtime to score your 27th goal of the season on your 27th birthday... well played, Ryan Callahan  (sports.yahoo.com) (6)
(Mediabistro) Stupid Hollywood is out of ideas, On Ice Edition: Chamber of Commerce goes after...LA Kings goalie's mask? Jason Vorhees unavailable for comment  (mediabistro.com) (18)


Wed March 21, 2012
(CNN) Cool By scoring a hat-trick, 24 year old Messi is now the all-time scoring leader for Barcelona. A record that stood for 57 years  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (39)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida That former Florida quarterback with the spotty pro record is without a team at the moment. No, not that one  (jacksonville.com) (33)
(ESPN) Followup What do trades and passes have in common? Tebow can't complete either  (espn.go.com) (119)
(BBC) Hero "Two hours after [he was dead for 78 minutes] I whispered in his ear, 'What's your name?' and he said, 'Fabrice Muamba'. I said, 'I hear you're a really good footballer' and he said, 'I try'"  (bbc.co.uk) (48)
(ESPN) Followup Sean Payton Aint's gonna be coaching in New Orleans next year  (espn.go.com) (586)
(ESPN) Cool Will Drew Brees suffer another potentially career-ending injury while on a Franchise-Tag? Will Tebow be raptured from the pocket? Will Seabass drink himself into a coma? It's the Madden '13 cover vote  (espn.go.com) (61)
(Some Pirate) Spiffy Craig Biggio to have his number retired...by the Seton Hall Pirates  (shupirates.com) (10)
(ESPN) Cool Nationals announce that Stephen Stasburg will get the Opening Day start, blow out his arm five days later  (espn.go.com) (27)
(BBC) Cool Bonus midweek EPL thread, featuring Spurs, Arsenal, Liverpool and a massive El Plastico clash between Man City and Chelsea  (bbc.co.uk) (122)
(USA Today) Unlikely Bob Knight talks about Kentucky-Indiana game in a calm, intelligent conversation. No really, I'm serious  (content.usatoday.com) (14)
(Miami Herald) Obvious With the Dolphins' QB situation far from settled, Dolfans picket in front of team's training site. Bonus: First-place Florida Marlins staff shows up, trolling for would-be hockey fans  (miamiherald.com) (20)
(ESPN) Obvious Patrick Vieira questions Manchester United's strength. Roy Keene seen plotting revenge  (soccernet.espn.go.com) (10)
(Fox News) Unlikely Tim Tebow has a crush. On a woman  (foxnews.com) (49)
(ESPN) NewsFlash Religious zealot set to take down Jets in New York City  (espn.go.com) (921)
(ESPN) Obvious Lance Berkman says that Bud Selig extorted the Astros into moving. Everyone else just extorts them into losing  (espn.go.com) (47)
(Philly.com) Cool Philadelphia Eagles trade for Pro Bowl linebacker with a used toothbrush and a sack of magic beans  (philly.com) (56)
(Fox News) Followup Southern Mississippi band chant to K-State Angel Rodriguez : "Where's your green card?" Southern Mississippi to band members: "Where's your scholarships?"  (foxnews.com) (250)
(USA Today) Strange Mike Tyson, thespian  (usatoday.com) (45)
(Deadspin) Spiffy Baylor's Brittney Griner becomes the second woman to ever dunk In a NCAA tournament game (w/video)  (deadspin.com) (74)
(Fox Sports) Unlikely Can a Classy athlete and No-Class coach work together?  (msn.foxsports.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Amusing Canucks broadcaster gives Mark Recchi his medical credentials  (ca.sports.yahoo.com) (91)


Tue March 20, 2012
(Some Guy) Misc PGA set to announce massive, unprecedented changes, including essentially scrapping Q-School and starting the golf season in October  (cbssports.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Florida "It's official guys. I'm a Miami Dolphin. Couldn't be happier". No not him. Or him. Or..Wait, who?  (940winz.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oakland continues its standing policy of pursuing underachieving QBs  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Silly Since they didn't go through all the trouble of making those fancy graphics for nothing, NFL Network is now on Tebow stock watch since Manning has signed  (nfl.com) (219)
(CNN) Amusing Not news: UConn women's basketball wins another tourney game. News: The final score was 72-26. Fark: The team they beat was an 8 seed that already won their first round game   (sports.sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (125)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy It's like a one-armed woman in a pole dancing contest. What's that? She won the international championship? Carry on then (with video goodness of what a one-armed pole dancing champion may look like)  (huffingtonpost.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Bob Knight adds 'Kentucky' to his growing list of dirty words  (sports.yahoo.com) (158)
(Some Guy) Strange With no interesting Middle East news to report, Al Jazeera acquires American TV rights to first-division French, Italian and Spanish soccer leagues  (epltalk.com) (20)
(YouTube) Video We'll drop the puck for the face off in tonight's Devils/Rangers game as soon as we get a few fights out of the way  (youtube.com) (180)
(SportsGrid) Scary The 20 most evil mascots in the NCAA tournament. Duke sucks  (sportsgrid.com) (22)
(PFT) Hero Torn ACL, just rub some field turf on it  (profootballtalk.nbcsports.com) (31)
(NYPost) Asinine A-Rod treats his niece to a $17,000 day of clothes shopping, then disputes the AmEx charges. Store immediately cries foul  (nypost.com) (83)


Mon March 19, 2012
(Bleacher Report) Interesting Tonight on a Very Special Episode of WWE Monday Night Raw, CM Punk will finally sort out his feelings about his alcoholic father, but not until after Chris Jericho drags poor Francis Punk's coffin away behind the Bluesmobile. 9 PM on USA  (bleacherreport.com) (1582)
(Deadspin) Obvious Miguel Cabrera moving to third base is going about as well as one might have feared  (deadspin.com) (43)
(LA Times) Obvious For some inexplicable reason, earlier today Vegas moved the Donkos from 70-1 odds to win the Super Bowl to 10-1. Can't imagine why that happened *wink*  (latimes.com) (81)
(NHL) Cool Six games tonight feature playoff implications for nine teams. The NHL is in the final stretches for the post-season, folks. TOR@BOS 7PM, NJD@NYR/BUF@TBL/WSH@DET 7:30PM, VAN@MIN 8PM, ANA@SJS 10PM. All times EDT  (nhl.com) (292)
(Deadspin) Weird Today's Dan Patrick Show featured the lead singer of Gwar. Beavis & Butthead are now big sports fans  (deadspin.com) (31)
(NHL) Cool Philly rally ends Pittsburgh's 11 game winning streak, fails to end NHL.com's frontpage-pic-a-day of Sidney Crosby. Bonus headline: "Pittsburgh still No. 1 for us"  (nhl.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida Marlins put live fish in fish tanks at the backstops. We know it is safe since the team had 1B Gaby Sanchez bank 84MPH fastballs off them with no breakage, and no pitcher (or batted foul ball) ever exceeds 84PMH  (offthebench.nbcsports.com) (40)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Ohio is as good at college basketball as they are bad at everything else  (blogs.wsj.com) (30)
(Houston Press) Sad The Houston Astros have come up with a new slogan: "Root. Root. Root" . Here are a few other suggestions. Perhaps Fark could contribute a few more  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (58)
(ESPN) NewsFlash God to replace Jesus in Denver  (espn.go.com) (860)
(ESPN) Interesting Mets and Madoff agree to $162 million deal with a three-year club option  (espn.go.com) (14)
(F*ck it I'm going long) Cool "I don't care if the guy was in triple coverage. When you have a few seasons under your belt, you'll understand that sometimes you just gotta unleash the dargon"  (nfl.com) (58)
(Deadspin) Amusing Exciting end to the Lehigh/Xavier game has fans losing their voices, dentures  (deadspin.com) (8)
(NYPost) Followup Bad luck: Being sent to prison as stalker of Yankees' Brian Cashman. Much worse luck: Being surrounded in jail by a bunch of Yankee-loving mean girls  (nypost.com) (7)
(ESPN) Sad RIP: Matt Flynn's career  (espn.go.com) (130)

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