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Sun April 05, 2009
(YouTube) Dumbass Sean Avery slashes Tim Thomas's mask (106)
(ESPN) Spiffy Jeff Gordon snaps 47-race winless streak, takes checkers at Texas Motor Speedway, leaving Miami-Homestead as his only winless track on the Cup circuit (53)
(Yahoo) Sad Cavaliers release Snow on the grounds that his knee is a licky boom boom down and it ain't gettin back up (40)
(Scientific American) Interesting Should Tommy John surgery be considered a performance enhancing procedure, akin to taking steroids? (43)
(ESPN) Obvious After getting the crap kicked out of them at the New Yankee Stadium, Carlos Zambrano thinks its time to take the wrecking ball to Wrigley Field (39)
(Telegram) Stupid "Why call it baseball? Granted there are bases out there, but they're only a means to an end. Nothing counts 'til you get back to home plate. That's a run. So why isn't it runball or homeball?" (53)
(Buffalo News) Obvious "The complaints about another Bills game in Toronto remind me of union members who watch their plants close rather than give back some benefits or Rush Limbaugh dittoheads refusing to vote for McCain because of principle" (24)
(The New York Times) Obvious As the NY Mets and Yankees open their new ballparks, a NY Times op-ed piece notes that baseball stadiums are rarely good investments. This IS a repeat from 1996 (19)
(Reuters) Sad Jenson Button win Malaysian Grand Prix, even though the F1 race was abandoned barely halfway through due to a heavy dew (55)
(The Sun) Stupid Brazilian Football club is to give players Viagra to help them play better in high-altitude cup matches. It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye (14)

Sat April 04, 2009
(Some Guy) Misc Slightly late, here is your Final Four NCAA Basketball thread (159)
(NHL) Amusing Why the NHL struggles in the U.S. reason #13049: the best looking photo on the league leaders page belongs to Tim Thomas (42)
(Washington Post) Stupid Redskins to Jason Campbell on Thursday: We didn't want to trade you to Denver. You're our #1. Campbell to Redskins on Friday: Did I just see Byron Leftwich walking around here? (29)
(Toronto Sun) Sad Toronto Blue Jays fans won't be able to buy beer at team's games, denying them the only thing that makes watching the Jays bearable (25)
(ESPN) Cool Newcastle and Chelsea, Fulham and Liverpool, ManU and Villa. Arsenal are also playing. It's this week's EPL discussion thread (91)
(ESPN) Spiffy First MLB power rankings of the season. Three teams from AL East lead the pack, defending champs are fifth and the cellar dweller isn't the Pirates or Reds (119)
(Telegraph) Interesting Scientists discover that the secret to playing a good round of golf is not to pay too much attention to your game. Still no cure for the yips (8)
(AZCentral) Dumbass After Tim Floyd, Rick Pitino, Mark Few, Jeff Capel, Seannie Miller, John Calipari, and Lon Kruger kick Arizona hoops coach job to the curve, the University of Lute trains its eye on....Reggie "Slamball" Theus? (22)
(Major League Baseball) Obvious Refusing to be upstaged by their cellar-dwelling buddies the Pirates, the Reds get curbstomped in their last minor-league game. Fark: Against their AA team (43)
(Yahoo) Obvious Iverson out for the season with a sore butt (28)
(National Review) Spiffy Thirty Major League Baseball fans (one for each team) lay out the reasons for their devotion, which begs the question, where did NRO find a Tigers fan? (66)

Fri April 03, 2009
(Some Guy) Video Baseball season starts on Sunday... so here's a girl in a bikini blowing up a giant Dodgers ball (38)
(Sports by Brooks) Fail Was USC hoops coach Tim Floyd only interested in Arizona and Memphis coaching jobs in order to extort a raise from the Trojans? Well, if he was, it didn't work (9)
(Fox Sports) Cool Oklahoma's Blake Griffin named AP Player of the year, receiving 66 of 71 votes. Would have got 71 votes if he had the heart, spirit, and work ethic of Tyler Hansbrough (44)
(NYPost) Obvious Oh joy. The Mets have signed Gary Sheffield. What could possibly ... [cough cough cough] .... [gasp] .... [choke] (70)
(AP) Sad Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson to coach United States national hockey team to defeat at 2010 Olympics (15)
(Sports by Brooks) Asinine Media now covers MMA as a legit sport. So if it's no different than the NFL or MLB, why does UFC President get a free pass from media and sponsors after his gay-bashing, f-bomb-laced attack on MMA reporter? (with video) (50)
(ESPN) Amusing International front-runner Argentina embarrassed by perennial doormat Bolivia 6-1 (23)
(Some Guy) Obvious Plaxico Burress is a gun for hire (33)
(USA Today) Strange MLB Network announces plans to "reimagine" historic black-and-white highlights by enhancing them with modern TV touches such as new computer-generated camera angles, stadium backgrounds, studio actors (27)
(Yahoo) Amusing The #1 in the standings, the Cleveland Cavaliers, snap their 13-game winning streak by losing to the worst team in the league, the Washington Zephyrs. Wait, what? (67)
(Yahoo) Dumbass If you're one of the top defensive lineman at the combine, don't blow it. Also, don't smoke it, sniff it, snort it, or inject it (18)
(CBS Sports) Fail College baseball team gives up 22 runs in the bottom of the first inning. Then it gets worse (28)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Why the Bears should not have taken Cutler (225)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Why the Bears needed Cutler (25)
(9 News) Ironic John Elway "disappointed" that a diva quarterback has forced a trade from a team he didn't want to play for. Submitter wonders where this attitude was in 1983  T-Shirt (52)
(Boston Herald) Spiffy Red Sox finally getting around to water proofing 1934 lower deck extension, allowing the Sox to play at Fenway for the next 40-50 years, or whenever Ted Williams' head is defrosted  T-Shirt (42)
(Some Guy) Cool Minor league baseball team gives free tickets to the unemployed, giving Gary Sheffield something to do (2)
(Yahoo) Cool Not News: Scoring 4 goals on the Red Wings. News: By one player. Fark: By one player who scored 13 goals last season (54)
(Some Guy) Fail Not News: The Pittsburgh Pirates played a community college team. News: Pirates lose. Fark: Pirates fans had t-shirts made up before the game mocking the other team (50)

Thu April 02, 2009
(ESPN) Cool Congratulations to Penn State, the 66th best Divison I Men's Basketball Team (34)
(Sports by Brooks) Cool Exclusive "Legends" golf course in South Africa features a par three 19th hole with the tee placed a quarter-mile above a green that's the shape of the African continent (31)
(CBS New York) Obvious Hal Steinbrenner admits that some tickets at the New Yankee Stadium "might be overpriced." In related news, fire might be hot, water might be wet (7)
(Toronto Star) Hero Former Jays manager Cito Gaston praises Roger Clemens, urges fans to support fallen star. Just kidding. "He's an a**hole himself. A complete a**hole. And I'll say that loud, right in his face" (31)
(National Post) Interesting Why long-term contracts are destroying the National Hockey League more quickly than its expansion into backwaters like Tampa Bay or Phoenix (54)
(9 News) News Jay Cutler aquired by Chicago Bears for two first round picks, one third round pick and a Neckbeard (541)
(The Tennessean) Unlikely 2008: Memphis hates Bruce Pearl. 2009: Memphis offers Bruce Pearl $21 million to coach (12)
(USA Today) Cool Let the coaching dominoes fall: Calipari to Kentucky paves the way for Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl to possibly take Memphis job, and USC's coach visited Tucson about the Arizona job (53)
(Reuters) Cool Greg Norman says Tiger Woods is better than Jack Nicklaus under pressure. Because when you think "performing under pressure" you automatically think of the Shark gagging away the 1996 Masters (59)
(CNN) Obvious 49er WR Isaac Bruce will do his part to help out the ailing Social Security system by foregoing benefits for another season (11)
(Some Guy) Video The MLB season hasn't even started yet and we already have the catch of the year (76)
(Yahoo) Obvious Washington Redskins QB Jason Campbell: "Please don't trade me away so you can acquire Jay Cutler" (71)
(Yahoo) Amusing Reigning Formula 1 champion Lewis Hamilton stripped of third place at Australian GP after officials decide he deliberately gave misleading information about passing another car. No, really (81)
(9 News) Strange Will the real Jay Cutler please stand up? Cutler now says he never wanted to be traded and is shocked, SHOCKED, that the Broncos said they will trade him. He really said that (96)
(CNN) Cool Something even anti-soccer Americans can love (61)
(NHL) Cool The NHL has been around for 92 years and nobody has ever scored against a Cuban-American goaltender, and nothing changed last night (30)
(CNN) Interesting Hockey Hall of Fame decides to evaluate male and female candidates separately. Manon Rhéaume and a bunch of figure skaters start polishing their speeches (21)
(London Times) Spiffy Jeremy Clarkson on diving in soccer: "I'd have a vet at each match, and anyone writhing around on the floor like a big girl's blouse would be shot in the back of the head. This is not capital punishment. It's kindness" (46)
(Some Guy) Fail Seattle Seahawks plan to unveil possibly the worst uniforms in NFL history for the 2009 season (with neontastic pics) (62)

Wed April 01, 2009
(Orlando Sentinel) Amusing Every year, one April Fool's Day news story is just convincing enough to outrage readers and prompt an apology from its source. This is that story (50)
(The Scotsman) Cool Recession forcing once-snooty country clubs to allow golfers to play in jeans and cutoff tees (91)
(Yahoo) Followup Cleveland Browns' Donte Stallworth charged with DUI manslaughter, immediately asks to be traded to Bengals (32)
(STLToday) Silly St Louis Cardinals' Rick Ankiel really likes Dick and wants to be one (7)
(Philly) Interesting Survey shows baseball fans are upset that games take too long, seats are too expensive, and roided-up players don't have as many colorful nicknames as the old days (24)
(ESPN) Amusing Continuing A-Rod's horrid offseason, the Yankees intend on placing Johnny Damon between him and Jeter (19)
(Some Guy) Interesting Michael Phelps' mother writes tell-all book about the swimming star, revealing for first time that the difference between him and Hitler is Michael Phelps could finish a race (27)
(Dallas Observer) Followup Officer who detained Texans' running back Ryan Moats resigns (54)
(WFAA) Amusing Dallas area minor league baseball team to host Octomom Night, complete with "guess how many buns in the oven" contest (17)
(AZCentral) Cool Phoenix Coyotes prepare to make NHL history by starting the first Cuban-American player in goal tonight. He's still a little freaked out by the "crunchy water" but should play up to usual Coyotes standards (28)
(YouTube) Video The best shootout goal you will see today (57)
(CNN) Dumbass With just 8 games left in the season and needing a miracle to avoid relegation, Newcastle United appoint Alan Shearer as their new, new messiah (31)
(MSNBC) Obvious Allen Iverson unhappy with his playing time in Detroit. So are the fans, Allen. So are the fans (23)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Spiffy NBA and Tsingtao Beer unite to present cheerleading competition show on China's state-run TV network, with winners traveling to U.S. to train with real NBA dancers. GO USA (6)
(Paste Magazine) Interesting Predicting the Final Four Based on School Fight Songs (16)
(Car and Driver Magazine) Unlikely It's official - Obama hates southerners, rednecks, and fat guys with "3" shaved into their back hair (75)
(Denver Channel) Stupid Denver Broncos agree to trade Jay Cutler's no-playoff-appearances primadonna ass (204)

Tue March 31, 2009
(Some Guy) Followup Memphis coach John Calipari accepts Kentucky head coaching job. Duke sucks (74)
(ESPN) Spiffy Toronto Maple Leafs take a page out of the movie Slapshot and sign the son of a Hanson (40)
(ESPN) Amusing Former President Bush to throw out first pitch at Texas Rangers home opener. Ball expected to crash about 1/8th of the way to the plate, invade the visitor's dugout and need a bailout when it lands short of the plate (44)
(Globe and Mail) Obvious Saskatchewan Roughriders found to have exceeded Canadian Football League's salary cap of $85 per team for second straight year (28)
(Daily Express) Amusing You're an international pole vaulter. You can't get a sponsor. Do you a) ring round, b) apply for a grant, c) get your genitals out (24)
(Reuters) Cool Dwight Howard breaks Wilt Chamberlain's record. No, not that record, the other record. No, the OTHER other record (22)
(Local10) Unlikely Organizers of the Special Olympics seek to retard the use of the "R" word (40)
(Sports by Brooks) Amusing Pro hoops player may get released after skipping Sunday game, with Saturday night party photos likely the reason for his ouster. But at least other teams now know he can take on a double team (with pics) (11)
(AZCentral) Asinine Diamondbacks pitcher Jon Garland doesn't much care for the one-year, $6.25m contract he signed. Angels fans would like to point out you'll be just as disappointed as he is by his 6.58 ERA, either (23)
(Some Guy) Scary The great week for soccer continues. Ref pulls out a gun to get unruly mob off his back, hilarity does not ensue (with video) (18)
(Dallas News) Followup It turns out that Ryan Moats is not the first victim of Dallas police officer Robert Powell. Just ask fomer Cowboy Zach Thomas and his wife (57)
(MSNBC) Cool Detroit Tigers cut Gary Sheffield loose, even with Sheff just one HR shy of 500, traditionally the magic number that gets one into the Hall Of Fame (45)
(ESPN) Interesting Tony Bennett may have left his heart in San Francisco, but he left his wallet in Virginia and it's full of cash (35)
(MSNBC) Scary Two execution-style killings linked to a condo owned by former Jets linebacker Jonathan Vilma. Cincinnati immediately faxes an offer sheet to his agent (17)
(gainesville.com) Obvious The only player in Division I basketball to average better than 15 points, six assists and five rebounds per game this season decides to test the NBA draft waters (27)
(homerderby.com) Video Not news: Fans catch baseballs at games. News: Barehanded. FARK: While holding a cell phone, beer, or a baby in their other hand. Wait ... A BABY? (30)
(AJC) Spiffy Braves finalize contract extension that will keep Chipper Jones in Atlanta for the rest of his career, just like John Smoltz. Oh, wait (36)
(Record Online) Unlikely Army thinks a 6'10" wide receiver could be its key to returning to football glory - now, if only they could find a jersey to fit him (22)
(ESPN) Dumbass Calipari decides to sleep on Kentucky's offer. Translation: he wants to extort more money from Memphis (46)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Things you didn't know about championship rings (30)
(Boston Herald) Hero Coach gets run out of town after telling latte-sipping soccer moms "this isn't two hours of free babysitting" (79)

Mon March 30, 2009
(Sports by Brooks) Stupid Cop who harassed NFLer and wife as they were trying to see a dying relative REALLY loves his job. Just ask his tattoo artist (78)
(YouTube) Cool There are hockey fights, and then there was last night's epic hockey brawl between the Blackhawks and Canucks (98)
(YouTube) Cool Dodgers fan catches Jayson Werth's BP homerun before Game 4 of the 2008 NLCS while filming it. Matt Stairs approves (39)
(Bloomberg) Stupid Winner of last weekend's Australian Grand Prix to be decided April 14th. Formula 1 organizers thrilled their sport has finally reached the excitement level of a Minnesota senatorial race (34)
(Some Guy) Amusing From the "keep on digging" department: Mark Cuban fined $25K for tweeting his dismay about missed call in close game, proceeds to tweet about the fine. "Can't say no one makes money from Twitter now. The NBA does" (29)
(The New York Times) Cool You know all those crazy upsets, comebacks and last-second victories that didn't happen in the basketball tournament? They're happening in the hockey tournament instead, where two bottom seeds have made the Frozen Four (46)
(MSNBC) Cool Ohio State sells sports media rights for $110 million, will still get clowned in a BCS bowl game every year (36)
(MSN) Cool Memphis coach John Calipari proves his committment to Memphis by meeting with Kentucky officials about the vacant coaching job. The same job he said he has no interest in, of course (131)
(Major League Baseball) Spiffy Brett Gardner to give headaches to AL pitchers every day, hit for no power (34)
(Some Guy) Video Guitar Hero has done it again. Underwear-clad Bob Knight throws chairs at Metallica, with bonus Heidi Klum goodness. Duke sucks (77)

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