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Sun August 05, 2007
ESPN Hero Possibly the last time we ever see it; Tom Glavine wins 300th (0)
Indiana Gazette Stupid Padres send pitcher to AAA after serving up HR #755. Hensley Fan Club President Barry Bonds notes the pneumatic issues involved (1)
ESPN Amusing With the Yankees' win today, they have pulled to 0.5 back in the wild card standings behind Seattle. Apparently this means Yankees fans will be forced to cheer for Boston and Josh Beckett right now (107)
(OC Register) Sick Rat infestation at Angel Stadium. Oakland fans asked to leave facility to lower vermin numbers (13)
(Some Golfer) Obvious "The subjects guaranteed to get most newspaper ink in women's golf are pornography, marriage and divorce, and homosexuality" (12)
Sports by Brooks Dumbass Two days after reporting Kobe Bryant divorce is "imminent" on its website, KCBS-TV takes internet post down (6)
BBC Cool Edwin Van der Sar shuts out Chelsea in penalties to give Manchester United the FA Community Shield to start the Premiership season (34)
(Some Guy) Ironic The pitcher Bonds hit #755 off of has actually tested positive for steroids (42)
(nascar.com) Cool Can Tony Stewart win 3 in a row? Pennsylvania 500 at Pocono discussion thread (91)
(Samoa Observer) Cool Samoa's Olympic hope is a female weightlifter (with pic) (17)
ESPN Dumbass Robby Gordon crosses finish line first but is disqualified for being his usual asshat self in Busch series race (34)
CBS News Followup Before the game had even ended, Bud Selig issued "the least appropriate statement possible" on Barry Bonds' 755th homerun (163)
(Some Guy) Video Ultimate Fighting Champ Drunk as Hell on Good Morning Texas (11)
CBS New York Cool Mets fans fight to preserve the "Big Apple" (28)

Sat August 04, 2007
(Everyone) NewsFlash Some douchebag just hit an important home run...not that one, the other one (553)
Sports by Brooks Obvious Report: Divorce imminent for Kobe Bryant; No pre-nup means settlement will cost him $100M (42)
Yahoo Obvious Football Hall of Fame embarassing itself today by inducting some crackhead instead of Art Monk (81)
Yahoo Spiffy Phelps nearly breaks back ... stroke record (11)
WNBC Spiffy Alex Rodriguez hits career homerun #500 (111)
Yahoo Spiffy Indians overtake Tigers in AL Central. Joobu has been very very good to me (38)
Yahoo Amusing Chicago Cubs' total time logged as NL Central leaders - 1 day. I don't believe (30)
USA Today Dumbass 22nd-overall pick Brady Quinn is holding out for top-10 money, doesn't realize that even the Browns don't care if the backup quarterback holds out (61)
LA Times Followup Jake Brown-- after falling five stories-- suffers damaged lungs, liver, cracked vertebrae and fracture in one hand. Australian for "walk it off" (33)
CNN Obvious Q: Can Michigan really live up to the lofty preseason hype? A: Is Lloyd Carr known for maintaining his cool at all times? (87)
(Foxsports.com) Sad Cleveland Browns' Ryan Tucker suspended four games for using steroids, being batshiat crazy (9)

Fri August 03, 2007
ESPN Amusing "Whatever the reason, being one with your sausage will help you to win with your sausage" (11)
Sports by Brooks Scary L.A. Clippers star Elton Brand ruptures achilles tendon during workout on Friday (84)
London Times Spiffy Fifty of the (arbitrarily chosen) greatest sporting insults (31)
Sports by Brooks Stupid After getting fired by ESPN and SI, Jay Mohr completes the sports media trifecta as a Foxsports.com blogger (30)
CNN Interesting Tale of the tape: Sports Illustrated looks at Darth Vader and Barry Bonds (15)
ESPN Dumbass Remember when Neifi Perez was suspended for 25 games for taking banned stimulants? Apparently he doesn't remember it either (29)
Baltimore Sun Obvious Ravens cornerback Chris McAlister has the smallest penis of any player in the NFL (w/SFW pic) (60)
Yahoo Interesting Chicago Cubs activate Kerry Wood. Place your bets now on how long it takes for him to go back on the DL (37)
CBS News Spiffy Sushi restaurant runs ad: "Congratulations Hank Aaron on 755 home runs. Organic beef and chicken, no added steroids." (18)
ESPN Scary Piston's coach Flip Saunders narrowly avoids I-35W bridge collapse. Asked by authorities to assist in investigation due to expertise in collapses (14)
(Fanhouse) Dumbass Donovan McNabb comments on the Michael Vick situation. Judging from them, 1) he supports Michael Vick and 2) he has no idea what's going on (46)
ESPN Dumbass Former Tampa Bay Devil Ray center fielder Elijah Dukes faces possibility of jail time for violating restraining order. Dukes sucks (9)
St. Pete Times Florida Tampa City Council unsure over whether to allow liquor to be served at Bucs games. "I understand the way the Bucs have been playing that people want to drink" (8)
Washington Post Dumbass It's Saturday night, you're a young NBA player and you can have any woman you want. Except for the woman who is NOT a prostitute but IS a policewoman (31)
ESPN Cool Calvin Johnson ends his holdout, will soon be tackling cornerbacks for the Lions (45)
ESPN Strange Tim Donaghy broadens his horizons and starts betting on tennis too (13)
Yahoo Scary NY giants Michael Strahan sacked by 15.3 million dollar divorce judgement. That's gotta hurt (49)
USA Today Followup After Yankees give up 8 runs to the White Sox in the top of the second, they score 8 of their own in the bottom of the inning, making it the highest-scoring second inning in major league history (78)
AP Interesting Leilani Munter to make Indy Pro Series debut. She hopes to be noticed for her driving instead of her sharp knees (38)
Yahoo Dumbass Taking a page out of the Cubs playbook, Brewers catcher Johnny Estrada engages in fisticuffs with manager Ned Yost during 12-4 drubbing by the Mets (13)
YouTube Video From X-Games 13: Jake Brown falls 50 feet and walks away (135)
Yahoo Hero Maddux would rather walk Bonds than serve up * homer (92)
ESPN Cool Time for some crazy air X-Games Discussion (21)

Thu August 02, 2007
CNN Obvious What would you pay a pitcher to give up eight runs in 1 2/3 innings? If you said $28 million, then you too can be the Yankees GM (98)
(Some Guy) Obvious Bud Selig is getting tired of following Barry Bonds everywhere, awaiting his record-breaking home run. It "has been a tough experience, I don't mind telling you" (30)
(PGAtour.com) Amusing Last week's PGA winner forced to withdraw after back injury from celebrating too hard with his hot hot wife (10)
Sports by Brooks Unlikely Steinbrenner son poised to push out ailing dad and take over Yankees: "Get rid of my father" (43)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Asinine Pete Rose arrives at a baseball camp surrounded by a huge posse, pisses off an army sergeant, uses the F-word in front of children, calls them losers, tells them about looking at Joe DiMaggio's wang in the shower (43)
Yahoo Strange Beijing says they're "ready" for 2008 Olympics, and by "ready" they mean that only two of 34 venues are complete, traffic flow is inadequate and smog is choking the city (16)
CNN Interesting This year's predicted NFL breakout or bust players. Let's just say Vince Young will probably be pondering lovely cloud shapes this season (35)
Yahoo Scary Kyle Lohse's debut with the Phillies lasts just one inning after he gets hit by line drive (15)
MSNBC Obvious Not to be outdone by T.O., Randy Moss "hurts" his leg and is "day to day" according to sideline fashion guru Belichick (18)
ESPN Dumbass You can't boo Barry Bonds because you use products to make you look pretty (55)
CNN Interesting YES is for sale. What is? YES. YES what? It's for sale. What is? YES. YES? That's what I said, YES (128)
ESPN Cool Kid gets contract with Manchester United after submitting DVD. Our guess is girl-on-girl (37)
Detroit News Obvious Michigan players and coaches are ticked off that one of their own admitted that the football team is full of idiots who get coddled academically (107)
Yahoo Interesting After Watkins Glen, Chip Ganassi Racing will shut down Juan Pablo Montoya's Busch team (19)
CNN Unlikely Writer spends too much time at Texans training camp drinking Kool-Aid, claims they have a bona fide superstar at WR, a fantasy sleeper at RB (in Ahman Green, no less), and a QB with two career starts who's "ready for prime time" (40)
ESPN Obvious Authors ask for your "snarky comment" about the 50 current NFL players that will make the HOF. This will end well (148)
CBS New York Hero 8/2/79 -- another day New Yorkers promised to never forget (54)
Breitbart.com Amusing Still trying to explain their 2006 World Cup loss, Brazil blames team members for being drunk before games and Ronaldo for being "vastly overweight" (12)
(Go, Cubs, Go!) Spiffy Cubs take first place in NL Central. Hey, Chicago, what do you say? (102)
Slate Obvious "To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying" (37)

Wed August 01, 2007
MSNBC Cool Titans QB Vince Young shows why he scored six out of 50 on the Wonderlic exam by banking a bare-knuckled punch off of a teammate's helmeted dome. Classic. Epic. This thread is classic. Ease up, Vee Why. Vince FREAKING Young. Late. Out (61)
MSNBC Cool Kansas City Chiefs coach Herm Edwards has rabbit ears (9)
ESPN Sad Braves cut Julio Franco. Jeez, they could have at least given him SOME time to play pro ball (30)
(with-malice.com) Interesting Rugby World Cup. And ye gods, am I excited (29)
ESPN Asinine If you're a MLB player, getting traded at the last minute can be difficult. It's tough to start a new life and find a new home when you're only making $5,000,000 a year (21)
(Some Guy) Followup Cheating NBA ref is an arsonist, too (10)
(Fox Sports) Obvious Cincinnati Reds management says they were "never close" to unloading professional strikeout machine Adam Dunn at the trade deadline (34)
(Post-Gazette.com) Asinine Pitcher Matt Morris will officially become the highest-paid player in Pittsburgh Pirates history, accounting for 20% of their current payroll. Completely understandable, considering his blistering 7-7 record and 4.35 ERA (22)
CNN PSA Attention young sportscasters: Don't say that Michael Vick would have been better off if he had raped a woman instead of organizing a dogfighting ring (173)
CNN Stupid It's August 1st, and already five big name Redskins have hurt themselves lifting their paychecks (12)
CNN Obvious Peter King heads to Chicago Bears training camp, where he's so bored he spends his time lipsynching Air Supply's "All Out of Love" to an autographed 8x10 of Tom Brady (52)
USA Today Obvious Three things are certain in Cleveland in August: The temperature rises, the Indians slump, and the one Cleveland Brown who's any good goes down with an injury (61)
Yahoo Followup Nashville Predators to announce deal to keep them in Nashville for $40M less than they were offered by Hamilton, Ontario investors (29)
UPI Obvious Rod Beck's ex-wife claims cocaine led to his death, which is obvious if you just look at the man, he was clearly on one or more appetite suppressants (13)
CBS Boston Sad "The vertically-challenged stop fields the ball, throwing it to the first baseperson..." (128)
ESPN Followup Things keep looking bad for Tim Donaghy as a professional gambler states his associates were winning up to 70% of their NBA bets on games that Donaghy was officiating (17)
ESPN Asinine The next time someone starts complaining about players not being loyal , give them a gentle reminder of Michael Strahan's situation (51)
(foxsports.com) Obvious Michael Vick needs to ask Barry Bonds how to pick friends that won't snitch (8)
London Times Strange Newspaper writer misunderstands assignment about ball tampering in sports, writes a full column on the painful things that players inflict upon other player's testicles in the heat of the game (11)
MSNBC Obvious Father and son dressed in blackface as Barry Bonds and his trainer have their giant syringe and three-foot asterisk confiscated at Dodgers stadium, but still get to enjoy booing Bonds (162)
ESPN Dumbass Indiana footballer shows his brilliance by throwing a water balloon at an off-duty cop who was still in uniform (13)
Sports by Brooks Amusing Eagles fans crash Cowboys training camp. "We came down here to see if they learned how to kick an extra point yet" (122)
The Tennessean Hero Eric Moulds signs with the Titans, no signing bonus, no incentives, for the minimum veteran pay. He just wants to play. Suck it holdouts (22)
ESPN Obvious Johan Santana primes himself to become a Yankee in 2009 (57)
Sports by Brooks Interesting Talk show caller to O.J.: "Did you kill Bill Walsh?" (15)
NJ.com Interesting My how times have changed. The Big 10 may expand and invite Rutgers to join. Yes, Rutgers (96)
CNN Hero Dodger fans sing Barry an opera in boo flat (with great pic) (29)
IndyStar Dumbass Tony Stewart’s post-race victory speech honoring his fans and "the bullshiat" they put up with costs him $25,000 and 25 points in the Race for the Cup. Way to pile more steer manure on 'em, fatboy (32)
iWon Sad Mets bullpen blows Tom Glavine's 300th win (37)
Yahoo Sad Crowd at Rockies/Marlins game in Miami was "was likely less than 3,000" (47)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Cool *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* base hit (15)
(Some Guy) Asinine Daunte Culpepper decides to be a lame duck QB in Oakland, have at least four team's jerseys in his closet (20)
CNN Obvious An expert on doping says he has evidence that Tour de France winner Alberto Contador was doping (24)

Tue July 31, 2007
Des Moines Register Unlikely Kerry Wood to make an appearance on the 15 day "abled" list this weekend. I still believe (38)
ESPN Obvious Death, taxes, and Patriots defensive backs missing the entire season (61)
(NBA) Spiffy Danny Ainge was playing chess while the rest of the NBA was playing checkers. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce on same team (69)
Yahoo Followup Since his NFL contract prohibits non-football activities that could cause injury, Pacman Jones can't pretend to wrestle (15)
(Some Guy) News It's official - Gagne is a Red Sock (197)
Discovery Interesting Archaeologists discover ancient Egyptian bowling alley, issue desperate plea for shoe freshener (23)
Fox News Amusing Yankees deal Scott Proctor so they won't miss a step when A-Rod departs and pick up... wait for it ...William Betemit (102)
(Some Trader) Amusing Ridiculous trade rumors and actual trades: The 2007 Trade Deadline Discussion Thread (218)
Reuters Asinine In case anybody is interested, the only American in Formula 1 just got fired (50)
USA Today Interesting Brazil submits bid to host the 2014 World Cup. They'll probably win because they are the only remaining candidate after Colombia flopped to the ground back in April (13)
ESPN Interesting San Francisco 49ers running back Frank Gore may miss the entire preseason after breaking a bone in his fumbling hand (68)
Stuff Amusing Sir, for the last time - if you're driving under 180 mph, we can't have you out on public roads (2)
Free Press Obvious The Curse of Millen continues: The number two quarterback for the Lions could be out for season before it even starts (41)
ESPN Hero "I am making a comment by not making a comment," - Hank Aaron (92)
IOL Sad Today's sports fan who kills his mother because his team loses story brought to you by Queens and the New York Mets (53)
ESPN Obvious Brady Quinn misses training camp for the fourth straight day while he courageously holds out for more money (75)
MSNBC Obvious With Kevin Garnett, the Boston Celtics matter again (82)
ESPN Followup Michigan and Notre Dame talk it over, have hot makeup sex and agree to keep playing each other till 2031. Duke agrees to continue sucking indefinitely (40)

Mon July 30, 2007
The Scotsman Spiffy Quadruple amputee will attempt triathlon, including a 2.4-mile swim without prosthetic limbs. Before you ask, no, his name is not Bob (26)
Independent Obvious Spanish rider Mayo becomes third rider to flunk Tour de France drug test. Last seen doing pushups in the mud while screaming "I got nowhere else to go ... I got nothin' else," at Lou Gossett Jr (20)
(jacksonville.com) Interesting Unable to come to terms with Rick Mirer, Ryan Leaf, or Gino Toretta, Jacksonville Jaguars sign QB Tim Couch (64)
Yahoo Interesting There isn't a single thing on Earth that Eddy Curry can defend (17)
BBC Sad The incredibly dangerous sport of sailing has claimed another life off the coast of some made-up place named Gwynedd, Abersoch (22)
Charlotte Ironic In an attempt to clean up its image, pro-wrestling turns to Pacman Jones for help (22)
Breitbart.com Obvious "We're not condemning bad behavior, but Michael Vick is innocent until proven guilty" (54)
(videoblazer.net) Video One of the craziest plays in baseball - the called third strike home run (130)
CNN Obvious Beckham to miss third consecutive game for Galaxy, this time against FC Dallas. Hopes to be back in action before contest against Real Sandy Vagina (33)
Yahoo Spiffy Tuesday could be a milestone day in baseball as Tom Glavine could get his 300th win, A-Rod could get his 500th homer, and Barry Bonds could get his 755th asterisk (14)
Cleveland Asinine There are only eight pitchers in MLB history who rank in the top 20 in wins, strikeouts, and shutouts. One of them was just denied entry into the Hall of Fame for the tenth straight year, with little hope of ever being voted in (58)
(Some Guy) Interesting 33 high school cheerleaders get into a fight in a dorm hallway at the end of a four-day cheerleading camp. There were no arrests, but dozens of male fans who witnessed the melee were treated at the scene for priapism (140)
ESPN Sad Former 49ers coach, football genius Bill Walsh has left the playing field (215)
ESPN Sad Devil Ray fans can celebrate their 4th straight week at the bottom of the Power Rankings. Arguments start at the right (66)
ESPN Followup Astana Cycling Team fires former Tour de France leader Alexandre Vinokourov after "B" sample also tests positive for blood doping (14)
(Fan Nation) Interesting Ron Artest urges kids to keep their grades up, stay out of trouble, don't give up million-dollar job for rap career, stay away from domestic violence, decline beating patrons at place of work, work at Circuit city, scowl frequently (5)
Chicago Sun-Times Stupid Baseball fan gets hit by foul ball and generates the perennial "do we need more safety features at ballparks?" story (167)
ESPN Cool Carlos Zambrano goes 3-4 and only allows 2 hits for his 14th win. Cubs are now 1/2 game back of the Brewers. I still believe (28)
Yahoo Interesting Things just got a lot more interesting the National League pennant race... 1B Mark Teixeira is packing his big bat and heading to Atlanta (50)
(Fox Sports) Cool Is Kevin Garnett on his way to Boston? FOX Sports is saying that it's close, but WEEI in Boston is confirming (81)
Yahoo Followup Vick co-defendant pleads to conspiracy, agrees to work with Feds (21)
(AZ diamondbacks) Strange 73 year old Randy Johnson is out for the season to repair his back, so he can play next year. Carl Pavano points and laughs, promptly breaks rotator cuff (6)
iWon Hero Cal Ripken Jr., Tony Gwynn inducted into Baseball Hall of Fame, somehow without using steroids. Suck it, * (40)
ESPN Amusing PGA pro takes a page from the Tin Cup script, fires his pro caddy and selects a new one from the gallery (3)
IndyStar Cool Tony Stewart wins Brickyard 400. Out of pure habit, Juan Pablo Montoya finishes where he started. Which was in second place (15)
ESPN Spiffy Ichiro third fastest to hit 1,500, but is still well behind Wilt's 20,000 hits (12)
(Fox Sports) Unlikely Steroid awareness clinic tonight at Dodgers Stadium. It must be just a coincidence (3)
MSNBC Cool Natalie Gulbis, no longer the LPGA's version of Anna Kournikova, finally wins a golf tournament. Still golfs in a push-up bra (18)
LA Times Obvious A team from the SEC couldn't survive the Pac-10's round robin schedule (166)
Yahoo Sad No 755* (68)



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