Rays acquire boneless pitcher from Orioles. With "love child of MC Escher and Picasso" pic	(3)
(MyFOX Philly)		From the "Why is this news department": Philadelphia 76ers place their mascot on injured reserve	(4)
		Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina enjoys shooting kids	(22)
		Chicago White Sox pitcher with 8-10 record gives vote of confidence to teammate with 9-4 record, throws teammate with 11-6 record under the bus	(19)
		Former University of Toledo basketball player accused of intentionally losing games that Toledo probably would have lost anyway	(13)
(Some Guy)		Here's a statistical breakdown of every team in the English Premiership. It's not news, it's your official Premier League preview discussion forum; come make your own prediction so that you can be shamed at the end of the year	(45)
		Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon benches centerfielder B.J. Upton after unimpressive home run trot. Perhaps it was because Upton hit a ground ball	(17)
		Since the Minnesota Vikings can't have Brett Favre, they may have to settle for the guy he just displaced	(21)
(Awful Announcing)		ESPN airs a visable f-bomb during a live Sports Center commerical (with photo goodness)	(30)
		Neither Hamm will compete until they are cured	(33)
		Olympic athletes using drug tattoos and taking Viagra while huffing nitrous oxide to beat drug tests. Frank Booth approves	(12)
		After only one top-ten finish in 17 starts, Hall of Fame Racing drops J.J. Yeley	(32)
		Fellow Texan Nolan Ryan finally throws Roger Clemens under the bus, calling his PEDs-denials "unfortunate" (with audio)	(74)
		Apparently grand slams are now worth only three runs	(44)
		Sportswriter gazes into his crystal rectum and picks the medal winners for all 302 Olympic events	(18)
		B-R-E-T Brett Brett Brett	(499)

		Did you know The Olympics began today? It's just women's soccer, so nobody bothered to let the world know	(42)
		New Jersey douchebags invade Nicaragua, offer impoverished villagers $5 for a donated "19-0 perfect season" T-shirt just to taunt pissed off Patriots fans	(227)
		Joba Chamberlain joins long list of Yankees scratched from the abled list	(48)
		Tom Brady says God doesn't value him as a quarterback. The New York Giants don't think he's that great either	(65)
		Cleveland's closers finally find their form. Just kidding, they didn't get a single out in giving up six ninth-inning runs to the Tampa Bay Rays	(30)
		As it turns out, Babe Ruth didn't die of throat cancer from drinking and smoking -- he died from a different, rarer cancer from drinking and smoking	(28)
		Red Sox new left fielder Jason Bay hits ball that rolls 10 feet along the top of the outfield fence before being knocked back into play. Manny, Kevin Youkilis and Johnny Damon unimpressed	(63)
(Some lip sweater)		While we are all gravely disappointed by the passing of Jason's mustache, no one, or thing, feels a greater loss than his upper lip	(16)
		Another locker room scandal rips Major League Baseball: ESPN reporter Erin Andrews wore a skimpy outfit, setting of a series of blogsphere explosions	(98)
		With the acquisition of Manny Ramirez, the Los Angeles Dodgers suddenly looked like a playoff contender and everybody's happy. Well, everybody except for Juan Pierre, who's upset that he has to play center field now	(47)
		Mets plan to sell Shea Stadium seats for $869 when the Mets season ends, which the way their bullpen is going will be Sun. Sept. 28, the same day Vito will be in the concourse behind Gate B selling fans "Mets wrenches" for $10	(27)
		Bernie Kosar sacked for a loss by the IRS after he forgot to file his taxes	(28)
		Joba Chamberlain's MRI comes back negative, so he's good to go his next turn in the rotation. Just kidding, they're sending him to the same doctor who treated Kerry Wood	(46)
		*cough* American cyclists *cough* apologize to China *cough cough* for wearing masks	(61)
(Bradenton Herald)		The good news is that the Packers can run that jersey retirement ceremony as planned	(238)
		Mike Hampton has a quality start for first time in three years. Finally decides to start earning that $121 million	(15)
		During radio appearance, injured Tiger Woods claims sponsor Gatorade"is helping me find things that will enable me to heal faster -- soft tissue and different types of flavors and drinks that I should be drinking to speed recovery"	(24)
		Notre Dame is investigating why Jimmy Clausen was photographed courageously attending an event called the "Beer Olympics," even though he is not yet 21	(25)
		"Good morning. USA Olympic Basketball, this is your wake-up call"	(66)
		Syracuse football debuts sharp new uniforms. At least they'll look good losing	(27)
		Chelsea's new manager vows team will be league champions no later than 2058. Maple Leaf fans can only dream of such imminent success	(29)

		Olympics drugs czar complains the Russians are "systematically doping," while everyone else has to settle for inhaling their carcinogens in Beijing	(11)
		Australian athletes already whining about drug cheats who they haven't even been beaten by yet	(5)
		Red Sox fan calls waaaahhhmbulance, sues Yankees for being taunted during a game last year	(74)
(Some Guy)		Sir Alex Ferguson assures Man U supporters that Ronaldo will not be diving for Real Madrid this year	(38)
		Rays outfielder Rocco Baldelli set to overcome his mitochondrial disorder and help his team, at least until he discovers his next freak injury	(21)
(Goat Riders of the Apocalypse)		Fan Video footage of last night's Wrigley Field Tornado. Warning - It looks like footage from the Cloverfield trailer	(62)
		Big Papi feels click in wrist. Red Sox nation feels wheel fall off bandwagon	(66)
		Patrick Roy's son charged with kicking another goalie in the five-hole	(37)
		Free at last, free at last. NY Rangers' and Knicks fan may be free of Cablevision at last	(17)
		NFL to unveil fan code of conduct. No more getting drunk and disruptive in the parking lot, using foul language, or harassing other team's fans. Also, fans will be required to sing "Kum Bah Yah" at halftime	(68)
		You're stuck at Wrigley Field during a monster thunderstorm dressed as Elvis because it's 70's night, what do you do to pass the time? If you said run on the field and use the tarp as a slip and slide, you win	(161)
		Ranking NHL coaches from elite to meh, or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Babcock	(51)
		It's a good thing the Yankees moved Joba Chamberlain from the bullpen to the starting rotation. No, wait... he's getting shelled, and his arm just fell off	(87)
		Struggling San Francisco Giants invite Barry Bonds back....to a pregame celebration honoring five decades of Giant outfielders	(20)
		MLB conducting a probe into allegations that employees of several teams, including the Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, and Nationals, forced Latin players to kick back portions of their signing bonuses to them	(41)
		Hometown of Dale Earnhardt removes flags in tribute of him because Martha Stewart came to town and thought they'd look tacky	(42)
		Fans at Wrigley field evacuated after tornado sirens go off in Chicago. Things haven't blown this bad on West Addison since Jim Riggleman managed the team	(41)
		Fracas in Brewers' dugout as Prince Fielder hits his own starting pitcher like an all-you-can-eat buffet	(35)

(Some Guy)		In an effort to finally catch up to the Tampa Bay Rays, Red Sox fans call for Ted Williams to be defrosted. Cool tag is for Teddy's current state. BRAINS	(92)
		Besides A-Rod, Madonna had opened her heart to another Yankee slugger - Joe DiMaggio	(13)
(Some Guy)		How many 7-year-olds could you take in a fight? Only one if it's this little ass kicker	(68)
		Evolution of the Olympic Torch over the last 70 years	(22)
		Michigan fanboy Adam Rittenberg has three questions for Big Blue. All three have the same answer: SOMEONE better step up	(141)
(Some Guy)		Georgia celebrates their preseason #1 ranking in a way that not even the Bengals can top	(70)
		Jason Giambi dumps lucky mustache, still refuses to part with lucky syringe	(24)
		David Beckham named top athlete at Teen Choice award after receiving millions of call-in votes from employees of the Anschutz Entertainment Group, er, I mean, from kids	(47)
(Some Cheesehead)		In the fight to win the starting QB role, Aaron Rodgers comes out slinging in scrimmage before 56,000 people. Unfortunately, most of his passes were slung to the ground or the defense	(108)
		Raiders and 49ers will tangle in joint workouts. Considering how bad these two teams have been the past several years, somebody must have been smoking a joint to think this would help	(19)
		Former NFL safety Tebucky Jones attempts a comeback with the Cincinnati Bengals	(11)
		Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood may make a brief appearance on the abled list this weekend	(25)
		Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen admits to ordering his pitchers to intentionally hit batters	(51)
		Quote of the summer: "They thought he would agree to it," the executive said. "Evidently, he didn't agree to it"	(21)
		Mets pitching staff hurting as much as Mets post-season chances	(13)
		Dorsey's knee injury not as bad as Chiefs feared. Chiefs far worse than Dorsey's knee expected	(17)
		Huge news from England cricket: Vaughan and Collingwood step down. Those silly deeps didn't work out for them	(11)
(sportsline)		Freshman signed to play football for Oklahoma booted from team for posting gangsta crap video online	(58)
		In case you were wondering, here's what some of the Bengals had to say about the Griffey trade	(17)
		Shimano introduces electronic shifting for high-end bicycles. Mavic ZAP unavailable for comment as it surrendered in the 1990s. But for bikies, this is super spiffy	(33)

		Legendary Braves announcer Skip Caray passes away at his home in Atlanta. Let's hope he is having a few beers with Harry right now	(109)
		Miguel Olivo the latest MLB player to live the dream, by punching A.J. Pierzynski	(49)
(Some Guy)		Are you ready for some football? Well too damn bad because the preseason kicks off tonight at 8:00pm on NBC	(298)
		Raiders receiver Javon Walker was talked out of retiring by Al Davis, who, of course, knows all about when someone should or shouldn't retire	(15)
		White Sox fan who lost his eye by the hands of three Cub fans gets invited to White Sox game of his choice. Too bad the Pirates don't play in the American League	(37)
		After one entire day with the Dodgers, Manny Ramirez wants to spend the rest of his career in LA. Lucky for him that won't be too long	(44)
		A field guide on how to pick up drunk redneck women at todays NASCAR race (with photos of drunk, almost naked redneck girls)	(119)
		Favre turns down $20 million to stay retired, will attend Packers' camp	(83)
(TurnTo10.com)		Boy who lost bedroom full of NASCAR mementos in a fire gets replacements from J.J. Yeley race team: decals, T-shirts, hats, die-cast cars, the works	(16)
		The National League West isn't just the worst division in Major League Baseball today, it might just be the worst division in baseball history	(21)
		Soccer star Wayne Rooney's wife Coleen "Dream On" McLoughlin reckons she's earned $16 million through her own talent and that her husband's global status has nothing to do with the deals she's been offered	(45)
		Phillies closer Brad Lidge continues his season long streak to earn his 27th save in 27 chances. Billy Wagner takes notes	(33)
		Baseball card fetches $1.62 million, Honus	(19)
		Reggie Bush supposedly snubs Kim Kardashian during Saints training camp. What an ass - and Reggie wasn't being very nice, either	(30)
		This is a test, nothing more than a test, to see if I can make this work. Thank you for your patience as I run this test	(22)
		$126 million man Barry Zito shuts out Padres in dominant performance, raises his record to 6-13. Giants hoping to receive five more seasons of this quality	(13)
		Whoever had "two" in the "number of games with the White Sox before Ken Griffey Jr. gets hurt" pool, please claim your winnings	(28)

		Racers in Montreal make NASCAR history by using a new fluid; rain	(31)
		Roger Goodell issues Packers a de facto deadline, will act on Brett Favre's reinstatement Monday	(35)
		Nadal overtakes Federer to become No.1	(38)
		"I don't want to be a disruption to the team and I've heard Nick is a little out there, so I'm going to stick with 17 and be happy with it"	(44)
		2000 Olympic U.S. men's relay team stripped of medals for performance-enhancing drug use. Tour de France competitors collectively turn heads and whistle nonchalantly while heading for the nearest exit	(101)
		Kid dies after getting beaned while playing catch. Well, there's one more thing we can cross off the childhood list because it could potentially be dangerous to children	(42)
		Senior Renault Formula One engineer shoots himself in the head at team headquarters after realizing he works for the French	(8)
		In a totally unplanned occurrence, Gary Coleman is ejected from his minor league appearance for using a bat with Superballs in it	(36)
(THN)		NHL Hockey logo rankings, still no word on the Flyers making the list	(95)
		Manny didn't have to take a plane to L.A. He got a free trip on the bus his teammates threw him under	(184)
		Chinese President Hu says that China stands behind it's pledges of openness. Apparently Hu's on first, What's on second and I Don't Know is on third	(29)
		Jimmie Johnson wins second straight pole. Now he's got two straight poles. Awesome	(32)
		Welcome to the Bay State. Jason Bay scores winning run in Red Sox debut. Manny who?	(44)
(Herald Net)		Sports writer suspended for plagiarism. You submitted this with the same headline	(36)
(Some Guy)		Great Instructions to make your own cornhole set	(21)

		What do LeBron James and Josh Childress have in common?	(30)
		Steve Smith dismissed from practice after punching Panther teammate Ken Lucas. Coaches shocked that a Carolina Panther actually landed a solid hit for once	(21)
(Home Run Derby)		Wha'choo talkin'bout, Willis? Gary Coleman to be offered Minor League Baseball contract	(12)
		Michigan "most clutch" Big Televen team. If you define "most clutch" by doing many great Linda Lovelace impersonations in Pasedena	(159)
		Adebayor to Arsenal: I never said I wanted to leave. Arsenal fans to Adebayor: we never said we wanted you to stay	(10)
		NBA players continue exodus as Miami Heat's starting point guard plans to leave the team -- to sign with an Israeli pro team	(23)
(NFL)		Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner "said he didn't want to talk about Favre because the Bears feel good about quarterbacks Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton." Commissioner Goodell immediately calls for drug tests on Ron Turner	(24)
		"Pssst, Chargers... Not happy with your current stadium in San Diego? We've got a nice, unused facility in San Antonio you might be interested in."	(36)
		"Of the 28 sports on the Olympic schedule, nowhere will homecourt advantage be more evident than in the Peking University Gymnasium, where Chinese pride will really be at stake." Over Ping-Pong	(45)
		Danny Way takes a horrific crash during X Games big air. Gets up, polishes off his gigantic steel balls and comes back to win a Silver medal	(69)
		Golfer Jay Williamson says Michelle Wie playing in PGA Tour Legends Reno-Tahoe Open is a "joke". Wie responds by beating him in first round	(81)
		Pro Bowl safety John Lynch surprises Denver Broncos by asking for his release. They surprise him back by granting it	(43)
		St. Louis Rams to holdout RB Steven Jackson: "We sucked with you, we can suck without you"	(49)
		What's an all-Browns team without legendary RB Jim Brown? Nothing, of course. Then again, you might want to ask his permission before including him in your video game	(36)
		Georgia starts the season as No. 1 in the USA Today coaches poll	(111)
		Minnesota Twins fans get rowdy and throw baseballs and caps onto the field. Good thing it wasn't "Cartoon Anvil" night at the stadium	(50)