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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun July 19, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Breitbart.com) Asinine Jeanie Garofalo: "Here's my routine about 9/11, TSA and the conservative American media." London audience: "[crickets]" Garofalo: "Since I'm obviously not funny, I'm leaving. Bye"  (bighollywood.breitbart.com) (241)
(Contact Music) Scary Forgetting she already did "Knocked Up," Katherine Heigl finds herself in another bomb scare  (contactmusic.com) (53)
(Seattle Times) Sad Author Frank McCourt has died. Let us all pray: "In the name of the father, the son and the holy toast"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (122)
(Sun Sentinel) Followup Murder charges in Michael Jackson case unlikely, says more reputable news source with proper capitalization  (sun-sentinel.com) (15)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Perez Hilton's "Please Hate Me" world tour sees no end in sight  (msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(Coming Soon) Spiffy Shire enough, the rebuilding of Hobbiton has begun for the filming of "The Hobbit"  (comingsoon.net) (60)
(Coming Soon) Interesting Your first official looks at Pepper Potts, James Rhodes, and Justin Hammer from "Iron Man 2." Mickey Rourke's pastel dreadlocks unavailable for comment  (comingsoon.net) (32)
(CBS Miami) Spiffy Well, I gotta say, this just... this just beats all. I'm shakin' the dust of this crummy little town off my feet to tell ya that Jimmy Stewart has been inducted into the doggone National Aviation Hall of Fame  (cbs4.com) (22)
(News Of The World) Followup MURDER charges in Michael Jackson case to be filed within DAYS, there will be a criminal TRIAL. NEWS of the WORLD is in yer Fark, capitalizin yer random werds  (newsoftheworld.co.uk) (15)
(The Sun) Silly J-Lo eats a popsicle. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (30)
(Now Magazine) Obvious Simon Cowell: "I get very anti-social, depressed and irritable with people." In related news, the world is still spinning, the sky is still blue, water is still wet  (nowmagazine.co.uk) (14)
(Starpulse) Interesting Russell Crowe considers new "Master & Commander" movie, punching you in the face  (starpulse.com) (48)
(Contact Music) Silly Shakira became a vegetarian after befriending chickens. What she has against kittens, though, we'll never know  (contactmusic.com) (28)
(Now Magazine) Cool Rachel Weisz wrinkles her nose at the thought of actors using Botox. Smooth move, Rachel  (nowmagazine.co.uk) (40)
(Fox News) Scary Debbie Gibson speaks out about pedophile fans...OMG MY EYES, WTF happened to Debbie Gibson?  (foxnews.com) (80)
(SlashFilm) Interesting Slashfilm writer watches all Harry Potter movies in a week for the first time, reviews them all. Bottom line? They sort of stink  (slashfilm.com) (128)
(TMZ) Obvious Former 007 sues wife for more money. No, not that 007, the other one. No, the OTHER one. No, the OTHER other one. *sighs* Look, it's not THAT one, it's the one that nobody remembers  (tmz.com) (39)
(Examiner) Asinine Because some people believe horror movies are real, orphan rights group demands changes, profits from upcoming movie 'Orphan'  (examiner.com) (37)
(Entertainment Weekly) Obvious That whistling noise you hear is Jorja Fox racing back to CSI for another paycheck  (ausiellofiles.ew.com) (53)
(Yahoo) Sad Cannes cans cans  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (59)

Sat July 18, 2009
(Yahoo) Unlikely Ryan? "No" Simon? "No" Randy? "No" Sorry, Paula, you didn't make it through to the next round  (tv.yahoo.com) (46)
(Starpulse) Scary Denise Richards proves the eyes really are the windows to the soul  (starpulse.com) (104)
(Fox News) Interesting Forget Hollywood, Bollywood, and even Dollywood. Now there's Hamaswood  (foxnews.com) (15)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Bruno to be killed off. Unfortunately, it'll be a quick death  (dailymail.co.uk) (70)
(Washington Post) Silly Conservative Christians finally embrace Harry Potter after realizing he's a lot like Jesus  (newsweek.washingtonpost.com) (79)
(Canoe) Cool Coming soon to a theatre near you: "Machete", starring Danny Trejo and Robert De Niro  (jam.canoe.ca) (71)
(Detroit News) Strange Detroit eager to outdo L.A. on public money blown on Michael Jackson, with a police escort to bury 2 hearses full of stuffed animals from the Motown Museum  (detnews.com) (22)
(Contact Music) Spiffy Blur rocker wins contract to provide cheese to Prince Charles, which makes sense since he's been putting cheese onto the airwaves for years  (contactmusic.com) (35)

Fri July 17, 2009
(E! Online) Followup PepsiCo angered by release of Michael Jackson's fire footage, reminds you that coke burned Richard Pryor  T-Shirt  (eonline.com) (72)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy If you ever wanted to see Orlando Bloom's beard in a variety of skimpy lingerie, today is your lucky day. Probably not safe for work  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(The Sun) Obvious Brad Pitt advises Ashton Kutcher on how to be a bigger douchebag  (thesun.co.uk) (62)
(Contact Music) Obvious Clearly, there aren't enough hours in the day for Kiefer Sutherland to save the world and appear in court on assault charges  (contactmusic.com) (11)
(US Magazine) Cool Jon Gosselin's new girlfriend is bi-sexual. FTFA - "Jon doesn't seem to mind."  (usmagazine.com) (145)
(Spinner) Sappy Couple on Woodstock album cover still together. Sly, Family Stone, not so much  (spinner.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Hero Top Gear's Richard Hammond opens Hammond Center for Kids Whose Brains Hurt and Who Can't Think Too Good  (dailymail.co.uk) (97)
(MSNBC) Sad Mischa Barton gets fitted for a size-zero straight jacket  (msnbc.msn.com) (132)
(Some Guy) Amusing Moby says he almost killed Tina Fey's baby. They were probably fighting over who has more hair  (twentyfourbit.com) (48)

Thu July 16, 2009
(Yahoo) Interesting What's the deal with comedians' salaries these days?  (omg.yahoo.com) (81)
(The Daily Beast) Interesting Besides looking like the actor Stephen Root, Michael Jackson's shady dermatologist was kicked out of his residency for selling prescription drugs  (thedailybeast.com) (40)
(St. Petersburg Times) Obvious The word in Hollywood is that the big-screen version of '80s cartoon G.I. Joe is the runaway contender for worst movie of 2009. "Showgirls meets Plan 9."  (blogs.tampabay.com) (215)
(FilmDrunk) Hero For Iron Man 2, Mickey Rourke demanded that his character get drunk and yell at a parrot  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (72)
(Reuters) Sad Stage being built for Madonna's show in France collapses leaving one dead, 13 crushed for the very first time  T-Shirt  (reuters.com) (52)
(CTV) Hero Former Hole and Smashing Pumpkins bassist Melissa Auf der Maur catches deadly virus. Ha ha just kidding, it was H1N1 influenza and she's doing fine. Except the AIDS  (ctv.ca) (107)
(Jezebel) Amusing New roller derby movie starring Ellen Page is called "Whip It," although its real title should be "By-the-Numbers Teen Empowerment Movie"  (jezebel.com) (148)
(Mirror.co.uk) Obvious Brad Pitt says everybody lies online. To me. His best friend. And he just invited me to cruise the Greek Islands with him  (mirror.co.uk) (35)
(Contact Music) Stupid Big Brother housemates stage protest of lack of alcohol, relevancy, talent  (contactmusic.com) (52)
(WWTDD) Asinine "Al Queda is unloading plutonium across town at the Port of Los Angeles, but first things first, because someone sort of famous needed some advil."  (wwtdd.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Obvious Angry comic book fan demands answers to why Black Glove knows Bruce Wayne is dead in a new issue, because he really shouldn't. "Who does D.C. think there writing for 5 yr. olds"  (comicbookmovie.com) (164)
(New York Daily News) Cool Jon Gosselin's new girlfriend just like every other 22-year-old girl. Pictures of her drunk and kissing girls are on her Facebook page  (nydailynews.com) (103)
(NYPost) Interesting Kylie Minogue gets mad and slaps her boyfriend around a bar, NYPD horse whisperer brought in to restore order  (nypost.com) (67)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Lady Gaga and the Hoff party it up at a nightclub. Subby smells reality show possibilities  (mirror.co.uk) (37)
(BBC) Strange Professional snipers brought in to guard penguins. When we say do not feed the animals we mean do NOT feed the animals  (news.bbc.co.uk) (60)
(LA Times) Cool This is better than that time "Family Guy" received an Emmy nomination for Best Comedy  (theenvelope.latimes.com) (182)
(USA Today) Silly The Harry Potter books have spawned a new music genre, Wizard Rock, which includes at least 500 bands that will never get laid  (usatoday.com) (95)
(Holy Moly) Obvious Hot: Hoff's new girlfriend. Not: tight leather clothes over Hoff's moobs  (holymoly.com) (33)
(NJ.com) Misc Renée Zellweger must be starving for work. She is set to explode in 'Bridget Jones 3'  (nj.com) (41)

Wed July 15, 2009
(The Frisky) Interesting How Sacha Baron Cohen makes himself invincible to lawsuits  (thefrisky.com) (181)
(Pantagraph) Followup Harry Potter and the Record Grossing Midnight Shows  (pantagraph.com) (120)
(MSNBC) Followup Rowe vs. paid  (msnbc.msn.com) (20)
(Time) Stupid TLC unveils another damn cake show. Some network exec should get fondant shoved down his throat  (tunedin.blogs.time.com) (72)
(Us Magazine) Stupid Good news, and America can rest easy: Sister of some reality show dimwit and a forgotten "American Idol" loser aren't dating. Whew, that was close  (usmagazine.com) (17)
(FilmDrunk) Fail Hugh Jackman is set to play an Avon Man in his next movie  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (57)
(Contact Music) Dumbass "There were cigarette burns in the sofa, broken beds, smashed chandeliers, cracked mirrors, and all the plumbing was blocked." Just a typical night for Amy Winehouse  (contactmusic.com) (58)
(Den Of Geek) Amusing How the Alien franchise came about from one episode of food poisoning  (denofgeek.com) (46)
(New York Daily News) Followup Lance Bass still wants to be launched into space. We are all behind you, Lance  T-Shirt  (nydailynews.com) (27)
(Coming Soon) Stupid Nicolas Cage wants a "Ghost Rider" sequel. That makes one of him  (comingsoon.net) (72)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Films that captured the essence of the Sunshine State (w/ bonus quote: "Any state so wacky that it gets its own tag on Fark.com deserves better")  (tampabay.com) (92)
(Starpulse) Hero Sandra Bullock vows to get naked in every film she does from now on  (starpulse.com) (145)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Steven Soderbergh claims his 4-hour overbloated commie flick about Castro's right-hand man didn't sell as many t-shirts as he'd hoped: "In terms of my career, I can see the end of it"  (guardian.co.uk) (75)
(Fox News) Unlikely "I'm not the first or last who's been bamboozled by a surprise lesbian kiss in a movie, I'm sure," says Actress That's Wearing Her New Liarpants  (foxnews.com) (191)
(The Sun) Spiffy Newly-discovered letter reveals Gene Roddenberry envisioned Mr. Spock as "Spoke," devil-eared sex symbol "particularly provocative to women." The Sun is there, slingshotting through time  (thesun.co.uk) (56)

Tue July 14, 2009
(Movieline) Interesting David Carradine's last film features straps, dwarves and lady boys, just like his autopsy  (movieline.com) (51)
(TMZ) Scary 39 Pics of stars with face lifts. Ginger vs Mary Ann debate is officially over. (warning: slideshow)  (photos.tmz.com) (521)
(NYPost) Amusing See what's in Diddy's lunch box. We don't mean pants ... or anything sexual. Really  (blogs.nypost.com) (14)
(TMZ) Unlikely Writer claims to have created "Lost" in 1977. He would have come forward earlier, but the smoke monster kidnapped him  (tmz.com) (147)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Jane Fonda is still not over it  (dailymail.co.uk) (159)
(Radar Magazine) Spiffy It's official: Jon Gosselin has traded up substantially. Giggity  (radaronline.com) (237)
(Variety) Amusing You want to produce a movie about a janitor who turns into a kung-fu fighting dog with mystical powers? Sure, Mr. Ratner, whatever you'd like  (variety.com) (51)
(Daily Mail) Strange Transvestite makes a fortune dressing like Madonna, which is only fair since Madonna makes a fortune dressing like a transvestite  T-Shirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(Variety) Obvious Denzel Washington officially exits Tony Scott's "Unstoppable." In related news, the film's new title will be "Significantly More Stoppable"  (variety.com) (33)
(The Sun) Unlikely Megan Fox: "I usually don't watch myself. I don't watch playback. I don't look at still photos. I have a phobia of it." Michael Bay: "Did I say you could stop washing my Ferrari?"  (thesun.co.uk) (58)
(TMZ) Obvious Star Trek's Levar Burton in the hospital with minor injuries after forgetting to recouple the Heisenberg compensators on his personal transporter, causing the pattern buffer to crash  (tmz.com) (109)
(Contact Music) Cool Mother Nature, God conspire to prevent filming of Nicolas Cage's new movie  (contactmusic.com) (81)
(Starpulse) Interesting Eli Roth to let someone else fark up the film adaptation of Stephen King's "Cell"  (starpulse.com) (129)
(Celebitchy) Interesting Victoria Beckham wants role in upcoming "Sex & the City" sequel, presumably as a post-op tranny  (celebitchy.com) (33)
(Paste Magazine) Interesting Since it's almost time to pull the plug on Al Pacino's career, it's only fitting that he should play Dr. Kevorkian in upcoming biopic  (pastemagazine.com) (40)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool At least Marvel's "Thor" won't be a complete waste of time  (hollywoodreporter.com) (129)

Mon July 13, 2009
(Starpulse) Followup LaToya Jackson says she plans to milk as much publicity as humanly possible from her brother's death  (starpulse.com) (49)
(Gawker) Obvious Headline writers having a gay old time with Bruno's box office win  (gawker.com) (71)
(Starpulse) Spiffy Daniel Radcliffe wins two Broadway awards for showing his penuus in Equus  (starpulse.com) (31)
(YouTube) Video Trailer for "The Time Traveler's Wife" finally released. The good: Rachel McAdams is incredibly hot. The bad: Eric Bana still acting like Bruce Banner. The ugly: The worst time traveling effects seen since "Time Bandits"  (youtube.com) (146)
(Starpulse) Obvious Katy Perry: "All I wanted out of life was a hit record and a great pair of boobs. I woke up one morning and I had both"  (starpulse.com) (135)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Headline writers prepare for a busy week as Amy Winehouse returns to England  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(YouTube) Weird If you think Joel Schumacher made the worst Batman movies, you obviously haven't seen this one from the Philippines  (youtube.com) (66)
(Fox News) Asinine Joe Jackson lines up Michael's kids for the 'Jackson 3: Exploitation' tour  (foxnews.com) (80)
(Yahoo) Interesting Danny Huston to play King Richard I in "Russell Crowe: Fighting Around the World - Sherwood Forest Edition"  (movies.yahoo.com) (20)
(Coming Soon) Stupid Max Steel to be the next action figure to inspire a movie adaptation. Sequels sold separately, original ideas not included  (comingsoon.net) (31)
(Contact Music) Obvious Billy Bob Thornton pens ode to venereal disease. Why are we not surprised?  (contactmusic.com) (40)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Brüno kicks Transformers 2 in the kugelsack and captures no. 1 at the box office. Fabulous  (bloomberg.com) (121)
(The Sun) Scary Michael Jackson had a string of gay lovers who he seduced by saying: "The King of Pop is going to lick your lollipop"  (thesun.co.uk) (67)
(Pajiba) Interesting The ten most spectacularly mediocre films of the decade  (pajiba.com) (113)
(The Sun) Interesting Youngest ever sex swap popstar talks exclusively to The Sun  (thesun.co.uk) (400)

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