FARK.com: Showbiz links -- Archives for 2009-07-12

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Sun July 12, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(The Walrus)		Christopher Hitchens says his book God Is Not Great "is written directly to get people to come out to play, which is a much better way of engaging people and indeed, winning them over, than trying to finger-fark them" (walrusmagazine.com)	(173)
		Joe Jackson makes bid for care of Michael's kids, who are apparently on eBay now (time.com)	(102)
		"Miley Cyrus is a bona fide superstar, with irreplaceable charisma, something that cannot be said of Christian Bale" (guardian.co.uk)	(65)
		Matthew Fox says that he's done with TV after "Lost" wraps up. Well, he probably thinks all TV shows start promising, lose their direction, and confuse the fark out of everyone without any clear resolution (contactmusic.com)	(51)
		Well, American Idol is going to ruin Christmas for everyone (msnbc.msn.com)	(27)
		If you had LaToya Jackson as the first family member to claim Michael's death was a conspiracy, step forward and collect your prize (suntimes.com)	(128)
		Forever typecast: 15 actors who can't escape their characters (bullz-eye.com)	(133)
		Vivi & Ziyi's widi pospo (nypost.com)	(20)
		Superman's birthplace undergoes $70,000 renovation. No, not that one, the one in Cleveland (upi.com)	(19)
(NoiseCreep)		FOX News' newest correspondent is GWAR's Oderus Urungus. In a related story, to Hell with everything (noisecreep.com)	(72)

Sat July 11, 2009

		Portland actors recreate Star Trek classics outdoors in 'Trek in the Park' (oregonlive.com)	(39)
		I-Mockery dares to find ten good things about "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" and provides undeniable proof that the movie could have been much worse had the original Nuclear Man scenes not been cut (i-mockery.com)	(81)
		Rachael Ray has cyst removed from vocal cord. Better luck next time, cyst (news-briefs.ew.com)	(93)
		Eva Longoria will be the new ass of Heineken (contactmusic.com)	(51)
		Columnist discovers the source of what's wrong with the media today, and its name is Jillian Barberie (latimes.com)	(32)
		Austrians think Bruno is pretty funny. But then, they also think Vegemite is edible (news.yahoo.com)	(39)
		Ryan Reynolds says that Hugh Jackman would beat the hell outta him at arm-wrestling: "He'd take my whole arm off and then beat me to death with it." In other news, Ryan Reynolds wants no part of an "Over the Top" remake (contactmusic.com)	(43)
		Woman who sued Sasha Baron Cohen for attacking her withdraws her case only to sue him again for emotional abuse which somehow put her in a wheelchair (tmz.com)	(62)
		If you thought Ryan Reynolds was terrible in the Wolverine movie, you just might get the chance to see him destroy DC's Green Lantern adaptation (reuters.com)	(87)

Fri July 10, 2009

(TrekMovie.com)	Mythbusters to test if Shatner really could kill a slow-moving guy in a lizard suit (trekmovie.com)	(71)
(PopEater)	It's Friday, so naturally Artie Lange has been arrested for DUI (popeater.com)	(65)
	Jeff Goldblum views the false reports of his death as life-reaffirming: "I reconnected with people I hadn't seen in a long time. I wasn't angry I was touched" (contactmusic.com)	(57)
	It's been 10 years since "The Blair Witch Project." Where were you when this crappy, one-joke, overhyped piece of crap crapped its way into the movie theaters? (popwatch.ew.com)	(553)
(Deadline Hollywood Daily)	Nicole Kidman fires her publicist after 15 years. It's not like she had advanced warning by her facial expression (deadlinehollywooddaily.com)	(31)
	Morgan Freeman plans to marry his step-granddaughter (starpulse.com)	(401)
(Music-News)	Britney Spears wants to convert to Judaism. Haven't the Jews suffered enough? (music-news.com)	(127)
	Swedish press plan to boycott Britney Spears -- while the rest of planet agrees to ignore her (thelocal.se)	(50)
	Older geeks fear teenage and pre-teen geeks will spill gooey Twilight all over their Comic-Con. Serious business (slashfilm.com)	(401)
	New Darth Vader toaster will lure your bread to the dark side. And you get to jam the radar, too (telegraph.co.uk)	(58)
	If you like your women to be batshiat insane and make annoying songs, we have terrific news for you: Lady Gaga broke up with some guy called "Speedy" (contactmusic.com)	(60)
	Jodie Foster to direct Mel Gibson in a movie about a depressed man and his beaver hand puppet. And they say Hollywood's out of ideas (news.bbc.co.uk)	(50)
	Ben Affleck says JLo was bad for his career. Gigli (chron.com)	(66)
	♫ Spider bite ♫ Spider bite ♫ It was just an injection site ♫ Drug abuse, he denied ♫ But it seems MJ lied ♫ Look out ♫ That's not a spider bite ♫ (contactmusic.com)	(54)
	Brooke Shields will return to the big screen in the upcoming film "Furry Vengeance." However, it isn't about what you'd assume (contactmusic.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)	Remo Williams: The Adventure Continues (joblo.com)	(98)

Thu July 09, 2009

	"Napoleon Dynamite" star Jon Heder lands Comedy Central series, still doesn't know if the chickens have large talons (hollywoodreporter.com)	(69)
	Alrighty then. Jim Carrey is about to be a grandfather (radaronline.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	People were looking for sexual favors on Craigslist in exchange for tickets to Michael Jackson's memorial service. "You must be outgoing and busty." (movieline.com)	(70)
	MJ's funeral was a rare glimpse into African-American culture. Because African-Americans are all surgery-addicted white female chimp-owning pedophile painkiller-popping dancin' machines with Elephant Man bone fetishes (news.yahoo.com)	(370)
(Jacksonville Journal-Courier)	Let's see, we have Michael Jackson, kids, a carnival ride and Illinois. There must be a headline there somewhere. Think, damnit, think (myjournalcourier.com)	(35)
	Even Roger Ebert thinks the whole "Black Transformers" controversy is silly (rogerebert.suntimes.com)	(320)
	Eve Plumb says it's Maureen McCormick's fault there will be no Brady Bunch reunion, proving once and for all that it's always Marcia's fault (contactmusic.com)	(93)
	Samuel L. Jackson has had it with motherfarkin' critics on the motherfarkin' net: "So I tell them, 'I know my face, you know my face. I want to see you. Meet me at this place here and let's have that discussion'" (thesun.co.uk)	(77)
	Harry Potter and the Goblet of Vodak (contactmusic.com)	(76)
	AEG isn't going to let a little thing like Michael Jackson's death get in the way of holding his London shows (contactmusic.com)	(39)
	James Franco's rejected UCLA commencement speech (funnyordie.com)	(55)
	Why are movie threequels always so terrible? Here comes the science (io9.com)	(97)
	A third "Mortal Kombat" movie might actually begin filming this September. FINISH THAT (kotaku.com)	(61)
	"It may be an honest admission that Hollywood finally has run out of ideas" (latimes.com)	(80)
	Jerry Seinfeld tests his theory that things can't possibly get any lower than the Microsoft ad campaign (livenews.com.au)	(46)
	Lita Ford refuses to get involved with upcoming Joan Jett biopic. At least someone gives a damn about their reputation (contactmusic.com)	(69)
	Charlize Theron hospitalized after contracting stomach virus, remembering that she was in "Reindeer Games" (starpulse.com)	(52)
	Edward Furlong's marriage has been terminated (people.com)	(41)
	To ensure "Smurfs" live-action movie doesn't end up a steaming pile of smurf, director of "Scooby-Doo 2", "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" and "Big Momma's House" has been chosen (hollywoodreporter.com)	(79)

Wed July 08, 2009

	Roman Polanski files appeal in effort to have his sex case dropped. Pedo bear says this case is too old (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(106)
	Porn stars deplore the fact that porn now shuns plot, dialogue, and narrative arcs in favour of more sex scenes: "I used to have dialogue, getting it on in one hardcore scene after another just isn't as much fun" (cinematical.com)	(178)
	Why has Hulu succeeded? "Hulu, in effect, is Amazon.com to YouTube's eBay" (bits.blogs.nytimes.com)	(114)
	MJ's dermatologist: The kid is not my son (people.com)	(42)
	Jason Bateman: "Drugs almost cost me my marriage". Her? (with pic) (usmagazine.com)	(88)
(Minyanville)	Prices are falling, bling is on the decline -- and now, according to the New York Times, even porn is feeling the ill effects of shrinkage (minyanville.com)	(25)
(US Magazine)	After her agent got her the female lead in "The Hangover", Lindsay Lohan turned it down in favor of her current project "Doing Absolutely Nothing" (usmagazine.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)	Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tx) talked so long at the Michael Jackson Memorial that the crowd was groaning and the telelprompter had tell her to STFU (washingtonexaminer.com)	(71)
	MTV may have its new Washington DC "Real World" cast work at non-profit jobs. Although that will require cast members to think about people other than themselves, which is plainly impossible (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(71)
	Los Angeles: "Okay, so we went a little overboard for the MJ Memorial. Okay, okay, we went a LOT overboard in the MJ memorial. But wouldn't you still like to help us pay for our stupidity?" (popwatch.ew.com)	(71)
	In honor of Kevin Bacon's 51st birthday, here he is showing what passed for dancing in the 80s (youtube.com)	(91)
	"Bromance" was bad enough; if the word "dude-vorce" catches on, it can only be construed as proof there is no God (warning: slideshow) (foxnews.com)	(67)
	Mischa Barton has gone from hottie to "Do Not Want" faster than you can say O.C. (contactmusic.com)	(104)
	Yet another creepy Michael Jackson fact, one that doeSn't involve surgEry, children, or intraVenous drugs... but will doubtlEss feed coNspiracy theories that he faked his death for decades (tmz.com)	(157)
	Starting today and going for 12 weeks, USAtoday will publish a new Superman comic strip (usatoday.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)	Patrick Stewart charging fans $200 to take a photo with him. Fans consider selling their Shatner autographs to afford it (conventionfans.today.com)	(102)
	MacGruber. He's gonna save the day/ in his new feature length film/ MacGruber (aintitcool.com)	(57)
	New Rock Band game to have 'I Want You Back' by the Jackson 5, 'Song 2' by Blur, and 'The Final Countdown' by Deep Sunshine (3news.co.nz)	(57)
	Geraldo Rivera calls out the "99 percent" of celebrities who showed up for Michael Jackson's funeral but wanted nothing to do with him while he was alive (sfgate.com)	(144)

Tue July 07, 2009

		Emma Watson IS magical (dailymail.co.uk)	(253)
		British commentators lament that Saturday night TV has become "a graveyard of sausage jokes and hamster innuendo", apparently unaware that in America, such programs would be considered Masterpiece Theatre by comparison (dailymail.co.uk)	(30)
		Michael Jackson's family wants him buried in concrete to deter thieves. Pedophile grave robbing trifecta complete (upi.com)	(158)
		Michael Jackson's remains moved to Staples Center; the blue coffin is for plastics, yellow is for biomass (news.yahoo.com)	(233)
		Behold, the art that will cover Dan Brown's next steaming pile of novel (news-briefs.ew.com)	(145)
		America's version of Princess Diana's funeral will be today...since both of them touched so many...especially children (news.yahoo.com)	(149)
		15 actors who played villainous roles a little TOO well (ew.com)	(380)
		"Prison Break" star Robert Knepper would like to take this time to thank Kiefer Sutherland for punching him in the face (contactmusic.com)	(41)
		Why it's time to lose the obsession with origin stories and prequels (denofgeek.com)	(81)
		For her audition, Michael Bay asked Megan Fox to read a tension-filled scene from the "Transformers" screenplay. Just kidding, he made her wash his Ferrari (contactmusic.com)	(98)
		Erik Estrada suffers a drunken epic fail singing the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley, then compounds it by telling Len and Bob: "I've seen my fair share of child pornography and I want to do something about it." (blogs.suntimes.com)	(73)
		Tables turned: Now-hot Britney calls her ex-hubby "K-fatter-line" after he packs on 85 pounds and asks him "When's the baby due?" (celebitchy.com)	(72)

Mon July 06, 2009

	"Three's Company" star Joyce DeWitt arrested for DUI. Apparently, she was unable to convince the arresting officer that it was all a wacky misunderstanding (contactmusic.com)	(89)
	Michael Jackson's $150,000/month doctor couldn't prescribe medicine in California, perform CPR evidently (foxnews.com)	(85)
	Former SNL star Victoria Jackson attends L.A. Tea Party, calls for Obama to be impeached, then does a handstand on stage for the troops, proving once and for all her whole dumb blonde airhead routine on SNL was just an act (latimes.com)	(258)
	Megan Fox combats criticism that she's just no-talent eye candy, takes new role as possessed cheerleader vampire who walks around topless. That'll learn them critics (dailymail.co.uk)	(152)
(The Futon Critic)	Comedy Central set to roast Joan Rivers, names Kathy Griffen roast-master. No word on Fran Drescher's availability to announce the evening (thefutoncritic.com)	(54)
(metromix.com)	Bruno interviews that might have been: 10 celebs we wish would chat with Sacha Baron Cohen (stlouis.metromix.com)	(91)
	Roger Ebert responds to WHARRGARBL after giving Transformers 2 a negative review. "It's not a critic's job to reflect box office taste. The job is to describe my reaction to a film, to account for it, and evoke it for others." (blogs.suntimes.com)	(645)
	Kelly Osbourne calls Lady Gaga a butterface. Hey, you're no prize yourself there, honey (contactmusic.com)	(166)
(wptv.com)	Michael Jackson tickets banned by eBay. However, you can still bid on the Flamin' Hot Michael Jackson Moonwalk Cheeto and the image of Michael Jackson on toast (wptv.com)	(78)
	Monty Python team reuniting for 40th Anniversary show at Royal Albert Hall in October. All of them, apart from the dead one. And the grumpy, unfunny, tall one (news.bbc.co.uk)	(138)
(Some Guy)	Hollywood is out of ideas: "T.J. Hooker" headed to big-screen. Shatner already complaining his cameo isn't big enough (cinemablend.com)	(50)
	Hollywood has moved beyond "out of ideas" and entered "please kill me now" territory: Bob Uecker reveals "Major League 4" is in the works (slashfilm.com)	(69)
	Entertainment Weekly learns where 18 MTV VJs are now. They could have saved a lot of time looking in unemployment offices (ew.com)	(152)
	Jon Bon Jovi goes full Burgundy while eating at a Mexican restaurant, grabs guitar off the wall and sings "Aqualung" and a few other tunes for the surprised diners (nypost.com)	(42)
	"It just felt like incest," says Emma Watson about kissing Rupert Grint on-screen. Too bad Hermione doesn't have a sister (mercurynews.com)	(81)
	Eminem lands a role in Judd Apatow's upcoming movie. He'll star alongside Adam Sandler, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, and Eric Bana. Look for the film "Untalented Actors" to hit theatres sometime next year (contactmusic.com)	(33)
	Superman and Wonder Woman to join forces with Allah in new comic series, despite angry fans calling them traitors who have forgotten 9/11 (guardian.co.uk)	(49)
	Guess what Michael Jackson is going to be buried without? Hint: It's a five-letter word (mirror.co.uk)	(144)
(KTLA-5)	Al Sharpton demands "Michael Jackson" postage stamp, so little boys can lick him (ktla.com)	(223)