FARK.com: Showbiz links -- Archives for 2009-05-17

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Sun May 17, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		"Here is a film that forces me to apologize to Vincent Gallo for calling 'The Brown Bunny' the worst film in the history of the Cannes Film Festival" (blogs.suntimes.com)	(88)
(Some Guy)		Frankie goes to Hollywood: The way one retro blogger sees it, it will be a sprint between Leo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp in Scorsese's new biopic about Sinatra (rickyretro.blogspot.com)	(43)
		Oprah is pimping Jenny McCarthy and her anti-vaccine crapola. There is not a tag that conveys the full extent of absolute idiocy and insanity of this, so dumbass will have to do (slate.com)	(197)
		Capt. Kirk's dad, Thor actor takes Patrick Swayze's roll in "Red Dawn" remake. Hollywood's idea box still empty (hollywoodinsider.ew.com)	(97)
		Vatican chooses to ignore "Angels & Demons" because controversy sells tickets. And here's the news story to tell you all about it (washingtonpost.com)	(27)
		Penelope Cruz shows us how flexible she is while filming a burlesque scene for a movie that also stars Fergie's lovely lady lumps. The giggity is there (thesun.co.uk)	(51)
(Record Online)		So foul and fair a day I have not seen: NY violent felons' theatre group cancels original play production because of union whining, but their production of the Scottish play at Sing Sing will go on (recordonline.com)	(23)
		"[T]he whodunit aspect of "Angels [and Demons]" would barely pass muster on "Scooby-Doo" (msnbc.msn.com)	(58)
		You know you're having a pretty good year when you go from being Captain Kirk's dad to being cast as the lead in Marvel's upcoming 'Thor' movie (movies.ign.com)	(63)
(thrfeed)		ABC renews "Castle", picks up Courteney Cox comedy called "Cougar Town". In other news, Courteney Cox is now "cougar" age, submitter feels old (thrfeed.com)	(74)

Sat May 16, 2009

	You know that whole story about Anthony Hopkins coming back to play Hannibal Lector, with Ridley Scott set to direct? Well, turns out that's rumor recycled from 9 years ago (aintitcool.com)	(13)
	Bradley, when someone asks you if you're farking a goddess, you say "YES" (people.com)	(40)
	♫ You take the good, ♫ you take the bad, ♫ you take them both and there you have ♫ the fact that you are old if you remember this show (tv.yahoo.com)	(46)
	NBC may still be determining Chuck's fate, but hey, ABC renewed "Better Off Ted" and Fox renewed "Dollhouse". So, you got that goin' for you (watching-tv.ew.com)	(68)
(Some Guy)	3D Realms sued over $12m failure to deliver Duke Nukem Forever; the game that will take for-ev-urr to release. Fail tag for TakeTwo's $12m investment in the ultimate vaporware (tomshardware.com)	(53)
	Kylie Minogue is chomping at the bit to begin her first tour of America this foal, considers settling down and moving here for the stable life "If you'll have me" (google.com)	(68)
(Eurovision)	Today is the most faaabulous day of the year: Your Eurovision Song Contest thread (eurovision.tv)	(102)
	Roger Ebert fights back against angry Trekkies. "'Knowing' was a much better, more stimulating, more intriguing movie" (rogerebert.suntimes.com)	(102)
(Some Guy)	Natalie Portman: "Sean Penn is a friend and colleague and the reports that we are romantically involved are completely untrue." Sean Penn: "Yeah, I'm hittin' that." (news.xinhuanet.com)	(28)
(Columbia Journalism Review)	If your publication is doing a "Star Trek" piece, better check for inaccuracies or a wrath of angered Trekkies will report their dismay and rage (cjr.org)	(32)
	Charges dropped against man accused of shooting at Dog the Bounty Hunter. Dog says he hasn't filed civil suit, still needs to mullet over (hosted.ap.org)	(18)
	Sick of seeing "John and Kate" in the tabloids because you have no farking clue who they are? Well, if your life is boring enough that you want to find out, here's the whole scoop (abcnews.go.com)	(52)
	Jay and Mavis Leno talk about their life together over the past 33 years and why it's no accident comedians have the longest marriages in show business (latimes.com)	(33)
	This year's blockbuster action flick starring Debbie Gibson (yes, that one) and Lorenzo Lamas (is there another?) to surpass DVD, go straight to "coaster" (movies.yahoo.com)	(44)
	J.J. Abrams talks "Star Trek" sequel, including how they can include Shatner this time, and the possible return of Khaaaaan (mtv.com)	(117)
	Scrubs will not die (hollywoodreporter.com)	(68)
	Ewan McGregor discusses not participating in "Trainspotting" sequel because the book sucks, "full oral penetration" with Jim Carrey and wonders who the fark Megan Fox is (celebitchy.com)	(45)
(Some Guy)	Fleetwood Mac cancels Canadian shows due to unspecified illness, though rumors persist Stevie Nicks is feeling baaaad (edmontonsun.com)	(28)
	Unsurprisingly, some of the writing for "30 Rock" was done by a three-year-old (contactmusic.com)	(49)
	List of '25 Most Controversial Movies Ever' doesn't include "Song of the South" but does prove people are too farking sensitive (ew.com)	(351)

Fri May 15, 2009

	Dangermouse, Sparklehorse, and David Lynch collaborate to release an album including guest appearances by some guys named Iggy Pop, Black Francis, and Wayne Coyne. Will be promptly outsold by new Nickleback album (npr.org)	(34)
	Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.... FOX renews Dollhouse for a second season (aintitcool.com)	(169)
(Some Guy)	Wait...so you're telling me that a play about murder, radical Islam and homosexuality is somehow inflammatory? (blogs.houstonpress.com)	(70)
	Heather Mills was so fed up of being mocked on Twitter she set up her own page for her 'genuine' fans. All 55 of them, to be exact (dailystar.co.uk)	(20)
(NYMag)	What has Vincent Gallo been up to since "Brown Bunny"? Starring in upcoming Coppola movie and working overtime as Joaquin Phoenix's stand in (nymag.com)	(23)
	The 'mistress' Gordon Ramsay claimed had barely ever met let alone slept with pops up in a recording of...his TV show. Lewinski, anyone? (dailystar.co.uk)	(10)
(Ow, my (fat) balls)	Coming this summer to Fox: "The Fatchelor" -- it's "The Bachelor," only with a FAT GUY. Truly, we are in the presence of creative genius (tvsquad.com)	(63)
	"Dan Brown stinks," says star of Dan Brown movie (deceiver.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)	Apparently there are ego problems and prima donnas on 'America's Next Top Model.' "They pointed out that I should shut up and be grateful for the job and that Tyra is really busy" (accesshollywood.com)	(34)
	Former star of MTV fake reality show learns there's not much work for former stars of MTV fake reality shows; will replace current star of MTV fake reality show so that star can go learn this for herself (starpulse.com)	(48)
	Anthony Hopkins apparently can't get enough liver, fava beans, and chianti (abc2news.com)	(47)
	Ever want to see a map depicting the city your favorite sit-coms were set? Well wonder no more (stltoday.com)	(109)
(SFFMedia.com)	Terminator Salvation director, McG, will be taking a completely different approach when he starts filming the movie's sequel, Terminator 5. He reveals the sequel will be about time travelling robots that try and kill people (sffmedia.com)	(45)
(WWD)	"I'm a guy who doesn't see anything good having come from the Internet," said Sony Pictures HURR DURR officer Michael Lynton (wwd.com)	(51)
	Neighbors call police on Paris Hilton over noise complaint. A half dozen of the neighbors' cars then mysteriously vandalized (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(47)
	Wait, does Lindsay Lohan having a job mean she won't have to do porn now? Screw you, Hollywood (filmdrunk.uproxx.com)	(49)
	Kiefer Sutherland says next season of '24' will be more realistic, since it's impossible to drive anywhere in NYC in 15 minutes or less (news.yahoo.com)	(46)
(SFFMedia.com)	Hollywood must be desperate to adapt any of Philip K. Dick's works. Even novels with titles like "Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said" are being turned into big budget Hollywood productions (sffmedia.com)	(71)
	Extra-hot TV star refuses to breast-feed her kid, saying "my boobs are only for sex". If it ain't broke, don't fix it (thesun.co.uk)	(136)
	Child star of "Slumdog Millionaire" no longer has to live in rusty shack. Fark: Because the government tore it down, making him homeless (news.yahoo.com)	(54)
	Charles "Bud" Tingwell dies, age 86. Goodnight Gramps, signed the Pissweak kids (theage.com.au)	(24)
	"Wait, isn't Lou Diamond Phillips too good for this?" is not a question you hear every day (popwatch.ew.com)	(37)
	How good is the upcoming "Harry Potter"? Well, a crew member already hung himself (thesun.co.uk)	(62)

Thu May 14, 2009

	With Jay Leno moving to prime time, cable TV is expecting an influx of young viewers, who consider Leno as funny and relevant as Freddie Roman and Shecky Greene (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(53)
	Jessica Biel blames straight to DVD release of her new movie on her topless scene. Co-stars Lisa Kudrow, Patrick Swayze & Ray Liotta agree it had nothing to do with them (webn.com)	(107)
(slyoyster.com)	Because of one small decision from director JJ Abrams, it's possible in the new Star Trek universe that the Beastie Boys either heralded the birth of Mr. Spock or invented the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (slyoyster.com)	(106)
(NY Magazine)	After "Zack and Miri" tanked, hack director Kevin Smith retreated into "a weed-infused cocoon." With Ho Hos. Lots of Ho Hos (nymag.com)	(148)
(National Enquirer)	Katie Holmes not sexually satisfying to Tom Cruise, missing penis (nationalenquirer.com)	(51)
	Ticketmaster to start using paperless tickets - after the ass-reaming you get over their prices, you'll be glad it was available as toilet paper (ctv.ca)	(50)
	Winner of the first "Survivor" is released from prison after a 4 year stint for tax evasion. Asked about his experiences, he noted that being a naked gay man "really came in handy" in prison (boston.com)	(20)
	School district is campaigning to make June 1st the official Carrie Prejean Day. In unrelated news, Megan Fox is bisexual (tmz.com)	(32)
	Remake of classic film 'The Dambusters' is being held up because no one can come up with a politically correct name for one of the character's dogs (blogs.theage.com.au)	(159)
	50 Cent and Forest Whitaker to star in a "Jeckyll & Hyde" adaptation which will directly compete with the version Keanu Reeves is currently filming; but noting the star power of each, it's a good bet they'll both suck (starpulse.com)	(17)
	New book claims that James Dean enjoyed a little "Newman's Own" dressing on his salad (starpulse.com)	(44)
	The MTV movie awards may be worth watching this year, as Kings of Leon are scheduled to perform (reuters.com)	(109)
	Kate, of Jon and Kate Plus Eight, says its hard to be in the spotlight, especially with all this talk of affairs and drama. Also, would like you to remember "The new, 40-week season premieres May 25 with an hourlong edition. " (breitbart.com)	(38)
	The 10 most hated comedians. Yes, Fark's favorite made the list (chicagotribune.com)	(554)
	Today in 1944, George Lucas was born. The birth was filmed in 8mm, re-released in 1965 in Super-8 with updated placenta effects, and remastered on Blu-Ray in 2008 with Hayden Christiansen's face superimposed over Dad's (wired.com)	(19)
	Fox partners with McDonalds for promotion of the sequels to "Night at the Museum" and "Ice Age." With bizarre pic of a armored knight riding a gigantic, nutless squirrel (variety.com)	(8)
	Alicia Keys wants $5 from every "American Idol" fan. On a totally unrelated topic, the sign-up link for TotalFark is on the top right hand side of your screen (google.com)	(78)
	British comedian in trouble for taking a photo of a sign that says "it is a criminal offence to take photographs" (telegraph.co.uk)	(39)
	Canadians declare the Bloody Caesar their favourite cocktail. Clamtini, anyone? (calgaryherald.com)	(28)
	One's a dog and one's an orangutan. How can these two live in Myrtle Beach without driving each other crazy? (dailymail.co.uk)	(37)
	Oprah to James Frey: "you are an Awful human being" James Frey : "I have a tape of a famous daytime TV talk show host revealing a giant secret" Oprah :" You Know, James, I think I may have been a little hard on you (news.yahoo.com)	(80)
(MosNews)	Russian concertgoer sues over Kylie Minogue stage set. He was angered that the performer did not descend onto the stage on a gigantic skull, as she did before (mosnews.com)	(31)
	"Cheers" star John Ratzenberger files restraining order against girlfriend, goes into long-winded explanation that country music often leads to cars getting set on fire (tmz.com)	(37)
	Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore in sequel talks so E.T. can come back from his planet to rape our childhood (starpulse.com)	(72)
	The season finale of Lost reminds us that if you only care about the destination, you may miss all the joy of the ride (usatoday.com)	(485)
(NME)	Martin Scorsese to direct Frank Sinatra biopic, which means we'll either see Leonardo DiCaprio or Daniel Day-Lewis as The Chairman of the Board (nme.com)	(40)
	Robin Williams jokes about his recent heart surgery, thereby making heart surgery even less funny (breitbart.com)	(43)

Wed May 13, 2009

	Man to write tell-all memoir of his $449K lawsuit against Snoop Dogg for injuries suffered while attending 2005 concert. Yes, the climactic incident where he and Snoop smoked blunts while trying to reach settlement is included (seattlepi.com)	(19)
(Some Jagged Pill)	Alanis Morissette to guest star on Weeds; claims the opportunity arose when someone gave her good advice she decided to take (nme.com)	(39)
	Former Miss USA becomes former Miss USA director over California wide nude lesbian pornography or something (hosted.ap.org)	(225)
	Megan Fox has "no question in her mind" that she's bisexual. You just killed a kitten (celebslam.celebuzz.com)	(101)
	J.J. Abrams talks about how much work went into those lens flares in Star Trek (io9.com)	(201)
	"Biggest Loser" winner lost 140 pounds; looks like an unpacked parachute when she's naked now (starpulse.com)	(112)
	You stay classy, Skiwear4less.com (starpulse.com)	(54)
	After a thorough investigation, LAPD conclude that Lindsay Lohan's house wasn't ransacked by burglars, just messy (contactmusic.com)	(22)
(Some Guy)	Trekkies: They write letters, especially when as a journalist you prove that you have a Tribble's understanding of Star Fleet military history (trueslant.com)	(370)
	Top Five Christopher Walken monologues. If only Fark had a tag to contain this awesomeness (denofgeek.com)	(77)
	Why there's a little bit of Captain Kirk in all of us, and it's not because he traveled back in time to bang your mother (google.com)	(36)
	As filming of the final installment continues, Harry and Hermione bid farewall to a loyal friend (possibly spoiler-ish) (dailymail.co.uk)	(79)
	Megan Fox will sleep with men, and she'll sleep with women, but she won't sleep with a woman who sleeps with men because men are dirty. Hopefully that's all perfectly clear (thesun.co.uk)	(121)
	Vanessa Hudgens "open" to nude film roles. The words "barn" and "door" wander unexpectedly through subby's mind (sfgate.com)	(93)
	Stephen King says it isn't worth it to hunt down pirates who steal his e-books, since they're probably living in shabby basements, gorging on Funions and discount beer (gawker.com)	(137)
	You don't know about the history of divorce; she does (dlisted.com)	(62)

Tue May 12, 2009

	"Costner understands the Western better than anybody" (hollywoodreporter.com)	(184)
	Producer of "300" takes on a new project that will prove, once and for all, that Hollywood is, indeed, completely sapped of original ideas: "American Gladiators: The Movie" (starpulse.com)	(39)
(The Latern)	Tucker Max protest at Ohio State. With pic of feminists and hipsters looking, like, totally offended (media.www.thelantern.com)	(230)
	Top 14 Movie Franchises that should just stop. Yeah, it's a slideshow, but it's pretty hard to argue with the choices (ew.com)	(200)
	Top 7 wimps to pimps. Not so sure you know what a pimp is (spike.com)	(36)
	You don't tug on Superman's cape but you can buy it for about $11,000 (contactmusic.com)	(30)
	Have you ever wondered if Tom Hanks remembers the "rap" from Big? Zoltar says your wish is granted (slashfilm.com)	(80)
(Some Guy)	In a stunning display of self-awareness, Spencer Pratt tells Extra: "I honestly think I'm a better rapper than anyone else in the game" (monstersandcritics.com)	(34)
	Miss California USA will keep her crown. Her dignity not so much (huffingtonpost.com)	(393)
	In these tough economic times, it's nice to know guys like KFed still blow through $40k a month (msnbc.msn.com)	(28)
	Rare snapshots from early Trekkie conventions. "You, there...have you ever kissed a girl?" (newsweek.com)	(79)
	♫ They're creepy and they're spooky, altogether ooky. Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth, staring in a Broadway musical of the "The Addams Family" (nypost.com)	(68)
	Jessica Simpsonomnomnom (wwtdd.com)	(164)
	Liam Gallagher threatens to disband the band if Noel makes a solo album. In other news, Oasis apparently still exists (livenews.com.au)	(81)
	Mr. Burns named worst boss on TV. Excellent, Smithers (starpulse.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)	Cuban defector claims he bugged celebrities' hotel rooms with cameras and microphones for Castro to enjoy later with friends (canadafreepress.com)	(59)
	Despite the enormous amount of studio security surrounding it, a St. Louis beauty salon owner found a complete copy of the screenplay for "New Moon" exactly where it belongs (msnbc.msn.com)	(37)
	Mark Landon, son of Michael Landon, joins his adoptive father on the highway to heaven at age 60 (cnn.com)	(25)
	Writers. Reveal. The original Shatner-iffic ending. of "Star Trek" (mtv.com)	(126)

Mon May 11, 2009

	Wow HEAD, she's HEAD beautiful HEAD (movies.msn.com)	(115)
	Surprisingly, even at 62 years of age, Cher can still rock a sheer bodysuit (thesun.co.uk)	(117)
	Ben Linus says the season 5 finale of LOST will have viewers "eating their own souls." Is it Wednesday yet?? (eonline.com)	(85)
	Megan Fox takes a swipe at Scarlett Johansson, paving the way for the hottest catfight in human history (jam.canoe.ca)	(81)
	After fixing the banking and auto industries, the Obama administration is gearing up for an anti-trust suit against hulu.com (bighollywood.breitbart.com)	(108)
	Shirley Jones' husband is pushing her to do Playboy at age 75. Come on get happy (starpulse.com)	(74)
(WaltSense)	Gary 'Baba Booey' Dell'Abate should lose his man card forever. No women can throw this bad (daily.phanaticmag.com)	(70)
	Leonard Nimoy goes on Letterman to read the Top 10: Lines Never Said In a Star Trek Film (slashfilm.com)	(67)
	The sequel for Star Trek is already being written, and the list of possible enemies is long and terrifying: Khan, Klingons, the Borg, a new enemy and Shatner (slashfilm.com)	(307)
	College gives Jimmy Fallon a degree after being presented with a portfolio of his work, instantly loses accreditation (philly.com)	(15)
	Star Trek takes weekend box office. Yes. We. Khaaaaaaaaan (news.bbc.co.uk)	(300)
	Judge upset that South Park "contributes nothing to society" but blames it for attacks on red-heads. Make up your mind, your Honour (cbc.ca)	(233)
	Jane's Addiction singer falls, breaks hip, can't get up (9news.com)	(73)
	Top ten misquoted lines from the movies. Frankly, my dear, I don't play it again (guardian.co.uk)	(280)
	Ryan Seacrest producing yet another reality TV show, this one an unscripted cooking show. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP HIM (news-briefs.ew.com)	(12)
	Christina Ricci is engaged to a guy twice her size and with bigger knockers (pic) (gawker.com)	(94)
	NY Daily News editors' desk gets a touch of "all those people look alike" syndrome, gets the late Esther Rolle mixed up with the late Isabel Sanford. Sharpton to march in 3...2...1. Ellipsis (nydailynews.com)	(8)
	McG explains how in a movie about killer robots, a pair of boobs is what will destroy the moral fiber of every person allowed to see it (slashfilm.com)	(133)
	Only one thing has topped American Idol in the ratings: Hulu.com. And it has TV execs afraid. Very afraid (chicagotribune.com)	(133)