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Sun April 19, 2009
(NYPost) Followup Journalist suspects "Britain's Got Talent" star may have been helped by world famous showbiz publicist and pop promoter (107)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Unlikely Fox apologizes for cancelling "Arrested Development" and swears "Sit Down Shut Up" is just as good (108)
(Yahoo) Sad Jason Statham gets his ass kicked by Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus (62)
(Guardian.com) Sad Rushing to paradise, J.G. Ballard crashes at 78 (22)
(Spike) Obvious The Top 7 artists you'll be making more money than in 1 year (87)
(Entertainment Weekly) Unlikely 20 Summer movies we can't wait to see. Well, 19 movies and "Wolverine" (140)
(People Magazine) Spiffy Wedding bells to ring for Uma Thurman? Subby ecstatic to learn that Uma has finally changed her mind and is willing not only to marry him but cancel the restraining order (21)
(Gawker) Stupid NBC sells the rest of whatever soul it had with the most blatant product placement yet (125)
(People Magazine) Spiffy Nicollette Sheridan's desperate exit earns kudos... from the seven fans still watching the show (31)
(News Of The World) Sad If you happen to have a spare $300k lying around, you could buy your very own Oscar-winning nine-year old (102)
(People Magazine) Scary Madonna hospitalized after horse accident. She suffered minor injuries but expected to be back on her knees in no time  T-Shirt (58)

Sat April 18, 2009
(Contact Music) Scary Coming to a prison near you: Tyler Perry's Creepily Dedicated Fan (45)
(Starpulse) Followup While a sickening level of self-absorption reaches new heights, Ashton Kutcher feels victorious: "one person's voice can be as powerful as a news network." Updates his account: "Just 8 sammich, now goin 2 bathroom" (42)
(Gasoline Magazine) Cool "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill" supervixen Tura Satana on playing tough-as-nail Varla, dating Elvis and working on Rob Zombie's upcoming flick "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto" at 73 (29)
(AP) Dumbass Proving that actors can be stupid in any language, Jackie Chan says, "I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want." (52)
(io9) Cool A review Farkers can get behind: "'Crank 2' is an epic of sleazy Darwinism" (contains spoilers) (140)
(Now Magazine) Sad Mr. T doesn't think the new "A-Team" cast will be able to recreate the magic: "You can't duplicate a Rembrandt" (61)
(Warming Glow) Unlikely Ryan Seacrest maybe not gay after all (48)
(TMZ) Scary So what's Heidi Fleiss been up to th-OH DEAR LORD, MY EYES MY EYES (54)
(Examiner) Obvious Suri Cruise to celebrate her third birthday with the traditional five-minute vibrating chair (29)
(SFGate) Cool Rolling Stone magazine, founded in San Francisco, closes its San Francisco office. The move will permit RS to devote more coverage to the Jonas Brothers, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry (45)
(Chud) Misc Guillermo del Toro and Peter Jackson scrap plans for "Hobbit" bridge movie, will treat us to six hours of Bilbo walking through a cave instead (103)
(Business Insider) Scary "Ron Paul's naked hotel romp" (47)

Fri April 17, 2009
(CNN) Amusing This interview goes to 11 (33)
(Topless Robot) Fail 10 great actors who played spectacularly awful villains: James Earl Jones in "Conan" is still remembered but Dennis Hopper in Super Mario Bros and Jeremy Irons in Dungeons & Dragons were long forgotten. Until now (109)
(ESPN) Sad Bill Murray injures woman with ball while involved in foursome (44)
(Boing Boing) Cool If you have over $28,000 to spare, this used Raptor from Battlestar Galactica could be yours (33)
(Canoe) Spiffy Elisha Cuthbert saved from hit and run by Kim Bauer (59)
(MSNBC) Stupid Man enters his workplace, brandishing a g--HOLY CRAP, OPRAH WRITES HER FIRST TWEET (41)
(ABC News) Sad Even American TV networks are apalled at how astonishingly awful British television is - and this is not another thread about the UK's lame-o remake of The Office (180)
(Entertainment Weekly) Video New "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" trailer. Register excitement, abuse, and Snape killing Dumbledore to the right (102)
(AP) Cool Heidi Klum expecting another baby Seal (60)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger get together for first time in years. Friends give it 9 1/2 weeks  T-Shirt (36)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Cameron Diaz shaves her head. Britney Spears, Sigourney Weaver reportedly unimpressed. (pics) (62)
(CTV) Unlikely Tori Spelling says she's just an "ordinary mom" who, like every mom out there, looks like an anorexic popsicle stick with two balloons taped to it, and is estranged from her billionaire father's widow (33)
(TorrentFreak) News Pirate Bay founders sentenced to one year of pound-me-in-the-arrrrrse prison (695)
(NYPost) Strange If you've recently noticed your disturbing lack of Russian girlfriends named Oksana, blame a midlife-crisised Mel Gibson who just collected his fourth (46)
(Starpulse) Dumbass Zac Efron recently found out about the upcoming "Star Wars" TV series and now wants to play "young" Luke Skywalker, despite the fact that he's 21 and Luke was 19 in the original (90)
(Daily Mail) Obvious He's going crazy, can't breathe through his fake nose and can barely speak above a whisper. Has Michael Jackson made a $59 Million date with disaster? (41)
(News.com.au) Stupid The Tommy Chong harassment world tour continues as Sydney's Cheech & Chong stand-up show was target of a police drug bust. Australia slept a lot better that night, knowing six stoners were apprehended (23)

Thu April 16, 2009
(Starpulse) Stupid Jessica Simpson wants Britney Spears to join her in a buddy TV comedy. Working titles so far: "Sanford & Dumb", "Dumb in the middle", "The Not-so-Fresh Princess of Bel-Air" and "Welcome Back, Career" (69)
(SFGate) Obvious Camouflage wearing woman arrested after peeking into the windows of Britney Spears' home. Apparently even fans of Britney Spears are ashamed to been seen near her (13)
(SlashFilm) Stupid 10 most influential films of the last ten years: "Matrix"? Of course. "The 40 year old virgin"... Uhhhh, what? "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" This is a prank, right? (133)
(The New York Times) Interesting Too many TV shows are referencing "Star Wars." It's as annoying as a song played by Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes band at the Mos Eisley Cantina (59)
(FilmDrunk) Cool Seth MacFarlane says with definitive assuredness that a Family Guy movie will be out, it will not be a 90-minute episode and will possibly have live action. Reminds me of the time-- (77)
(Daily Record (UK)) Cool Patrick Stewart: "Are you the a--hole who was sitting at the front tonight?" (188)
(Den Of Geek) Misc Eli Roth ambitious as ever: "I want to make the highest body count slasher film I can" (78)
(BBC) Sad Broadcaster, writer and politician Sir Clement Freud dies aged 84. Just a minute of silence, please (14)
(Some Guy) Sad Anna Faris would rather be funny than hot. "I'm not convinced that female nudity is funny" (110)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Ron Paul on getting pranked by "Bruno": "He lies his way into an interview. That to me is fraud... he has raunchy material and people buy into it, it's sort of sad that that is a reflection of our culture" (125)
(AP) Cool Ferrell vs. Wild (57)
(Contact Music) Unlikely Vin Diesel would like to remind everyone that he is not, in fact, gay. His outfit, however, does nothing to dispel that accusation (96)
(TheSequitur.com) Amusing Blagojevich heads to reality TV, opens doors for Marion Barry in VH1's "Crack Rock of Love" and Mark Foley in "Are You Jonesing for a Tenth Grader" (22)
(LA Times) Obvious Paul McCartney, Tom Hanks, Eric Idle and Tom Petty salute George Harrison. Eric Idle: "What would George think about a star on Hollywood Boulevard? I thought I heard his voice, and it said, 'It's a bunch of old bollocks'" (29)

Wed April 15, 2009
(IGN) Stupid Hollywood is out of action stars; Seagal and Van Damme team-up for "Weapon" (34)
(Zap2it) Spiffy Interview with the creator of "Scrubs," who should be thanked for putting Blonde Doctor in a bikini last week (72)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Jack Bauer and Chloe O'Brian to battle terrorists out of NYC next season. THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF PLOT (42)
(Daily Express) Cool Mischa Barton says she prefers miserable men who are a bit geeky. Welcome to Fark, love (23)
(Dlisted) Scary Drew Barrymore posing with HOLY CRAP JESSICA LANGE'S HEAD IS THE SIZE OF A SMALL PACIFIC ISLAND (pic) (67)
(Contact Music) Interesting Dan Aykroyd vows to persuade Sigourney Weaver to sign on to "Ghostbusters" sequel, if she can free herself from her busy schedule of... well, she'll probably be on board. Shockingly, Ernie Hudson also has some free time (27)
(Some Nail) Hero Swedish metallers Hammerfall destroy their hotel room in Vienna: "a large quantity of beer had been consumed when [they] decided to show off some of their taekwondo moves on the hotel's furniture" (46)
(Contact Music) Sad Actress who played Mickey Spillane's secretary dies at 84. But there was something about this case that didn't add up. I couldn't quite figure it out. This dame had class. Who would ice her? I decided to start poking around  T-Shirt (88)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Gloria Trevi sues Mexican television network for conspiring to attack her reputation while nine girls in bikinis, a midget with a seltzer bottle, and a man with a bee suit run around for no apparent reason (22)
(TMZ) Stupid Apparently, Brad Garrett has learned nothing from Michael Richards (with video) (42)
(NCBuy) Unlikely FHM's Sexiest Woman survey is out, and Sienna Miller got beaten out by Queen Elizabeth and Michelle Obama. And neither of them have done a fully-nude scene since last year's "Aging Monarchs' Fist-Bumps Vol. 1" video (51)
(Starpulse) Obvious Angelina Jolie pregnant again. This makes child number se7en (53)
(Topless Robot) Amusing The 8 stupidest "Star Trek: TNG" episodes ever, including the walking trash bag that killed Tasha Yar (338)
(Some Guy) Obvious Doing what hundreds of robots could not, Fox terminates Sarah Connor  T-Shirt (120)
(AP) Amusing Woody Allen sues clothing maker for using his image. Clothing maker fires back that there's no way they could hurt his image any more than he's done himself (38)
(The Superficial) Dumbass Hulk Hogan understands O.J.: "You see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that he's is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it." (85)
(AP) Obvious Woman sent to jail... for stalking... David Caruso. YEEEEEAAAAAHH (28)
(Celebslam) Sad Suri Cruise getting ready to meet the space aliens living in the volcano or whatever it is kids do in Scientology (70)
(Starpulse) Followup Tara Reid has decided not to do "American Pie 7", which basically frees her up until she's offered a part in "American Pie 8" (35)
(CNN) Silly The Nanny state: Fran Drescher may run for public office (103)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Mel Gibson is building a compound for members of his church. What a waco, uh, I mean whacko (81)
(UPI) Followup William Hurt apologizes for hurting Marlee Matlin. Love hurts (78)

Tue April 14, 2009
(LA Times) Weird FOR SALE: One glove. Only used on crotch. $100,000  T-Shirt (64)
(Local10) Dumbass "So Britney, like, got on stage, right? And this is, you know, in San Jose, right? And she, like TOTALLY says, no shiat: 'What's up Sacramento'. And I was, like 'Oh my god', and, like, totally flipped out" (59)
(UPI) Unlikely All hail the NEW Hollywood - Allen Park, Michigan (29)
(Contact Music) Followup Spector's lawyer plans to appeal conviction, as soon as Phil starts blinking again (23)
(Entertainment Weekly) Amusing Old 'n' busted - The "Seinfeld" Curse. New hotness - The "American Beauty" Curse (79)
(Belleville News-Democrat) Dumbass Dude. If you're going to get busted while recording a movie inside the theater, don't make it the Hannah Montana movie. And seriously, don't blame your mother (10)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Keira Knightley: "I hate the internet. I find it dehumanizing to constantly check emails or social sites which have become so fashionable." She sounds fat (148)
(WBAL) Scary Jamie Foxx is happy Miley Cyrus is so popular and he wishes nothing but the best for her future. Just kidding, he wants her to make a sex tape (117)
(io9) Followup Someone or something is keeping Ah-nold from being in Terminator: Salvation but McG can't talk about it. This reeks of Skynet (70)
(People Magazine) Followup Searching for something more painful than torture of William Wallace or crucifixion of Jesus, Mel Gibson heads into divorce with $1 billion fortune and no prenup (97)
(OK! Magazine) Cool Vanessa Hudgens is available for rent until 2027 (68)
(Examiner) Misc Release date of new "Star Trek" movie travels through time again (109)
(The Onion) Satire Michael Bay signs $50M deal to fark up ThunderCats. "Ever since I failed to ruin Scarlett Johansson's career with The Island, I've been looking for a challenge like this" (56)
(Nola.com) Ironic Fark-ready headline of the day: "C-Murder to host anti-crime press conference today while on house arrest" (38)
(Geno's World) Spiffy Eliza Dusku poses nude, talks about eating in her underwear and running around naked in front of her brothers (125)
(Daily Stab) Amusing Lindsay Lohan makes fun of herself so we don't have to (66)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool Padma Lakshmi poses nude for elk sassafras Flin Flon blancmange it doesn't matter a damn bit what's written here, does it ampersand pangolin haggis (borderline Not safe for work) (119)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Stupid MTV planning new show about guys who sit around watching viral videos. Subby misses the good old days when MTV had shows about guys who sit around watching music videos (44)
(Den Of Geek) Amusing Top 10 English psychopaths in Hollywood movies (85)
(Entertainment Weekly) Stupid That chick with the dreadlocks from the last season of "American Idol" gets to whine out an album worth of banality (16)
(Some Guy) Followup Disney denies budget for Tron 2 is soaring about $300 million, say they have kept costs down by inviting fans who have made their own costumes to take part in movie for free (59)

Mon April 13, 2009
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Phil Spector mug shot. Apparently he was surprised by today's murder conviction (123)
(nationalenquirer) Sad New photos show Patrick Swayze at 105 pounds (170)
(Contact Music) Interesting Simon Cowell hints that he might quit "American Idol," take part in freelance mockery of the elderly and the obese (15)
(Some Guy) Interesting Emma Watson to attend Brown University. It's not Hogwarts but that is what they call the members of the lesbian activism groups, so it's close I guess (64)
(Reuters) Sick No one is safe from the clutches of reality TV. Not even the United States Navy (37)
(LA Times) Spiffy Behind the scenes of "The Big Bang Theory," a comedy that treats nerds better than the jocks back in high school ever did (89)
(CNN) NewsFlash Our long national hair nightmare is over: Phil Spector found guilty of second-degree murder (197)
(Starpulse) Scary Poorly tattooed Asian Myspace dwarf-slut Tila Tequila's house broken into by a stalker, who also locked her dog in the trunk of her car. Tila regrets not being there to have sex with him (76)
(Spike) Obvious Ducky should be #1 (45)
(Starpulse) Unlikely "Hairspray" director Adam Shankman on the potential of a sequel: "I was really opposed to it but we thought of some really funny stuff" aka: "the studio is paying me a boatload of money to do it" (14)
(People Magazine) Sad Mel Gibson and his wife file for divorce, blame the Jews (83)
(Mediabistro) Sad Porn legend Marilyn Chambers found dead. Old sweat socks lowered to half-staff  T-Shirt (236)
(Guardian.com) Cool Hugh Laurie is France's new Jerry Lewis. He's so worshipped that a little-known spy novel he wrote years ago is now a huge best-seller (46)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool It's on I Heart Chaos, so it must be official: The best 100 websites of the last 100 years (52)
(Starpulse) Amusing Matthew McConaughey says his dad taught him the art of seducing women; is still puzzled as to why VH1 hasn't offered him a reality show (15)
(Onion AV Club) Cool Tom Waits, David Bowie, Bjork and Frank Sinatra: 24 musicians who aced acting roles. Mark Wahlberg would've made the list but you had to qualify as a musician (144)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Sad Showtime rejects Tim Robbins' series pilot about the pharmaceutical industry. Possible side effects include disappointment, regret, and suspicion of possible advertising conspiracy (31)
(Paste Magazine) Interesting Ten movies which prove that baseball is life (120)
(Kotaku) Dumbass EA sends out real pair of brass knuckles as part of press kit promoting new video game before someone points out to them it's a real crime. Oops (99)
(LA Times) Unlikely L.A. Times discusses Miley Cyrus's Academy Award hopes after success of "Hannah Montana" (67)
(Cinematical) Silly Producers of new Pat Morita movie send out press release bragging about terrible Washington Post review. Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything (18)
(Starpulse) Obvious Tara Reid set to kick off that career comeback with the straight-to-DVD "American Pie 7" (58)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie need a Philippine to complete their "It's a Small World" collector's set (44)

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