FARK.com: Showbiz links -- Archives for 2009-04-05

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Sun April 05, 2009

	Trainwreck Brittany Murphy now has an Irish accent, which might also explain why she now resembles "Rawhead Rex" What's Gaelic for "Do Not Want"?	(118)
	In a move bound to please both basement-dwellers and fanfic readers alike, Hustler set to make Star Trek porn film	(56)
	"Fast & Furious" makes $72.5 million over its opening weekend. STOP IT AMERICA	(266)
	Michael J. Fox almost fell of a cliff and nearly lost a finger on a recent trip to a monastery in Bhutan. He's doing okay though; he was only a little shaken up	(31)
	Jimmy Fallon gets in fistfight and is kicked out of NYC restaurant. Immediately does the sensible thing, updates his Twitter account	(38)
	Farrah Fawcett admitted to hospital in critical condition. You can't see him right now, but Charlie is beside himself with grief	(49)
(Geno's World)	Seth Rogen stars in "The Fast and The Bi-Curious" on Saturday Night Live. Two-minute clip is probably more entertaining than the real piece of garbage taking in millions	(97)
	Fox is FURIOUS that anyone would illegally download a copy of its yet-to-be-released Wolverine movie. Unless it's a Fox movie critic, giving it a glowing review	(74)
	Wingnut Ted Nugent and Moonbat Michael Moore agree: Detroit isnt a nice place to be. Obvious tag an obvious choice	(42)
	Choreographer from TV show "So You Think You Can Dance" arrested for sexually assaulting his dance students. Expected to go to a place where "So you think you can put your feet above your head" is more commonly used	(24)
	Movers throw out "work of art" at Courtney Love's house. Turns out to be a dead bird in a box valued at £8,000: "Courtney is beside herself"	(71)
	Kiefer Sutherland reveals that people feel safe around him because they believe he's actually Jack Bauer: "I couldn't figure it out. If you've seen '24,' you'd know anyone within three feet of me dies"	(35)
	Lindsay Lohan's career Kryptonite at work: Hours after letting Lindsay onstage with her, Lily Allen is seen in a catatonic drunken state that required handlers to take her home	(84)
	"Scheduling problems" keep Chris Noth from signing up for the "Sex and the City" sequel. Sarah Jessica Parker wonders what could be stallion the negotiations	(24)
	Two Dozen More Bodies Found in Lake Wobegon	(45)
	Rowan Atkinson to undergo surgery. Remarkably, it has nothing to do with that turkey on his head	(25)

Sat April 04, 2009

	Interview with Viggo Mortensen, declaring that he and Hollywood are done, professionally	(103)
	Psychic finds out what dead stars think of their biopic. While Jim Morrison was pretty pleased, Cobain's biobic was so "arse-gnawingly boring that even Kurt himself didn't sit through the whole thing"	(23)
(Geno's World)	Lindsay Lohan jumps onstage to sing a duet with Lily Allen. Allen seems truly horrified and plays the "keep the microphone away from Lindsay" game	(72)
	"It's like Beatrix Potter, only with more zombie ponies"	(14)
	"Worrying about acting in a film like this is like worrying about fat in a double cheeseburger: It misses the whole point"	(37)
	Nanny says Robert DeNiro is out of line. Just a little bit. DeNiro invites the nanny for a drive to "view the evening desert outside of Vegas"	(14)
	Emerald City Comicon this weekend has a certain famous geek attending to sign autographs, pose for pics, share stories about Ashley Judd	(16)
	Robert Downey Jr. has a man crush on Mickey Rourke. Not that there is anything wrong with that	(8)
	Alec Baldwin pushing for Michelle Obama to appear on "30 Rock" as a guest star and possible love interest	(49)
	Jackie Earle Haley is the new Freddy Krueger	(77)
	Megan Fox: I wan't to leave this whole 'sex symbol' thing behind me. People should see me as a serious actress	(114)
	After starring in "Terminator 2" and "American History X" then struggling with drug addiction, how are things going for Edward Furlong? He's starring in a Uwe Boll movie. Twice	(29)
	Ben Affleck's 3-year-old daughter swears in German. You know who else swore in German?	(41)
(Some Master)	Final Doctor Who story starring David Tennant to feature the return of a crowd of past companions as well as the return of an old enemy. This is not a repeat from 2008	(31)
	Sixteen great series finales, from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" to "Seinfeld" to "The	(127)
	NBC picks up Law and Order: SVU for another season. How many possible stories about rape, torture, and exploitation do they have anyway?	(57)

Fri April 03, 2009

(Just Jared)	Bristol Palin's ex says he lived in the same room with Bristol at the Palin household, that he thinks Sarah suspected they were having sex, and that they had safe sex "most of the time"	(87)
	Michael Bay balks at a 3D "Transformers," says it's one layer too many he would have to fill with explosions and he doesn't have that kind of time. Moreover, 3D is a gimmick. Wait, Bay doesn't like gimmicks?	(34)
(NBC Bay Area)	When I'm suicidal I immediately go to Twitter and look to see what Demi Moore has to say	(32)
	Win a lunch date with Rosie O'Donnell & Star Jones. For safety reasons, it will be required that you keep your hands and feet at least seven feet away from their mouths at all time	(30)
	More than 16 million people watched ER's finale last night to make sure it was finally dead	(77)
	Stephen King to publish 1000+ page epic novel he's been working on since the 1980s. In other words, just like every other Stephen King book	(189)
	Keifer Sutherland says that the season finale of 24 will be the MOST IMPORTANT ENDING EVER ..... YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TRUST HIM	(65)
	Leading British oncologist Dr Russell Brand MD claims that "intense media hatred" can cause terminal cancer	(36)
	"We have the sneezing unicorn"	(60)
	For those of you who have said to yourself "You know what would be really great? If I could see Keith Olberman's pores." -- today's your lucky day. MSNBC is going hi-def	(41)
	Ted Nugent lands reality TV contest where he is to hunt down actual humans. Bill Hicks wonders if the first victim will be Billy Ray Cyrus, wants his idea back	(89)
	Charley Pride flies to Canada to personally refund overpriced tickets to his show: "I wouldn't want to pay this much money to see myself"	(44)
	Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, and now Petal Blossom Rainbow. It's not the new line of My Little Ponies, it's chef Jamie Oliver's entry into the Celebrity Baby Naming contest	(26)
	The BBC is fined £150,000 for the Sachsgate scandal... or Manuelgate scandal, depending if you read a broadsheet or a tabloid	(16)
(Irish Times)	The 50 best Irish music acts right now. And no, it's not a farking slideshow	(94)
	Unintimidated by Madonna's threatening veins, a judge rejects her application to adopt another African child	(123)
	The Boston rebellion: NBC affiliate owner says viewers rather watch two hours of local news than Jay Leno next fall	(47)
(Some Guy)	Zoooooey Descanel upset that everyone keeps on mistaking her for Katy Perry	(220)
	Glenn Close can hold 42 baby carrots in her mouth at one time. No wonder she boiled rabbits	(23)
	"Hannah Montana" movie director says, apparently without malice or the slightest knowledge of history, that Miley Cyrus is "the next Judy Garland"	(85)
	Kathy Ireland quit puking up every meal, and wound up the size of a small North Atlantic island	(105)

Thu April 02, 2009

	First trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen's "Bruno" is released, complete with blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo from Ron Paul (Not safe for work)	(69)
	Darth Vader finds lack of royalties...disturbing	(48)
	"The Exorcist" director William Friedkin to direct 200th episode, the power of "CSI" compels him (with Q&A interview)	(13)
(Some Guy)	Well, my best friend's brother's sister's girlfriend, heard from the guy who know the kid who saw Britney ask for help hiring her own lawyer. I guess it's pretty serious	(16)
	Was Kids In the Hall "Brain Candy" worth it, given that it was responsible for breaking the group? Cancer Boy and his brother born with a heart outside his body would like to think so	(107)
	Designer Valentino has gone full Oompa-Loompa (pics)	(28)
	So if your school is hosting a celebrity basketball game to raise awareness about violence towards women it is probably best not to invite Chris Brown	(15)
(Some Guy)	Stars of Red Dwarf suffering from "comeback pressure". I'm sure Kryten has an attachment to fix that	(65)
	"Men In Black 3" in the works. If only there was some kind of technological device that made you forget all about the previous sequel	(75)
	Marg Helgenberger remembers her first job as a meat handler. Isn't that called the casting couch?	(52)
	Lindsay Lohan's mom to bouncer, after being refused entry in club with her 15-year-old daughter so they both can get plowed together: "Do you know who I am? You're making a huge mistake. Huge"	(90)
(Starwars.com)	Four words Star Wars geeks have waited 31 years to hear: DEATH STAR BEACH BALL	(69)
	Gay singing serial killer releases new album. Not that there's anything wrong with...hey	(8)
	Having learned no lessons from her epic feud with Radiohead, Miley Cyrus snubs the Obama sisters	(100)
	Joe Dirt just keeping it real	(32)
	One of two new comics to star President Obama features alternate-universe intergalactic warrior Barack. The other one gets weird	(27)
	Billy Joel and wife to open up a burger joint in New York, no word yet on whether it will have a drive thru	(46)
(Daily News)	Straight up at 11 o'clock, Los Angeles NBC4 news anchor Paul Moyer to retire. Who will tell Ann Martin she's a drunk now?	(24)
	Michael J. Fox's wife was a little shaky about having their son circumcised; but she agreed after he reasurred her that he wouldn't be the one doing it	(105)
	Beloved British TV characters including Postman Pat taken over by Americans, who plan to arm him with a Desert Eagle and rename him "Freedom Frank" and have him shoot the Iraqis who blew up the Twin Towers	(25)
	How many times has this happened to you? Greg Gumbel says he was tricked into infomercials. Sham? Wow	(76)
	After George Carlin, this year's prestigious Mark Twain Prize for Humor is to be awarded to Bill Cosby's extensive sweaters collection	(45)
	London council wants statue in honor of Jane Goody as reminder to everybody that you can be a total jerk on TV all you want, as long as you get a terminal disease in the end	(42)
	Sam Kinison's upcoming biopic, from the writers of "American Splendor" to star Dan Fogler. Watch his screen test to judge for yourself, but looks like two hours of "AW AW AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"	(94)
	Wanda Sykes to host a new late-night series that will air on Saturday nights. Now you'll have more than one show to choose from that tries way too hard to be funny	(40)
	Hollywood responds to "Wolverine-Gate"	(145)
	Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler split again after hinting at re-marriage, turns out new-found pity towards a recently singed ex-husband lasts about a month	(17)

Wed April 01, 2009

	Question: Is John Mayer's new song about Jennifer Aniston? More important question: Does anyone still care?	(39)
	After 72 years, 'Guiding Light' going dark	(57)
	The greatest dwarf actors of all time. The list delivers, doesn't sell you short. It won't leave you feeling three feet tall	(60)
	Jessica Biel is half naked. I like. (Semi SFW)	(130)
	The world awaits the CD Titled "I Watched My Dad Eat A Hamburger Off The Floor"	(16)
	David Letterman smacks down Bill O'Reilly yet again, opening with "I think of you as a goon." Interview gets even better from there	(55)
	Kristen Stewart talks about her new movie and admits to something very familiar to Farkers: "Girls are scary. Large groups of girls scare the (crap) out of me"	(46)
	Gisele Bundchen feels that Tom Brady's baby with Bridget Moynahan is "100 percent her child." Angelina Jolie nods approvingly	(42)
	Postal service launching new Simpsons stamps, which were MUCH funnier back when they were 37 cents	(18)
(Some Guy)	Worst ever homemade Star Wars costumes (some NSFW images on sidebar)	(84)
	In every cloud there is a silver lining, in this case, from his home office in Fla, Rush Limbaugh announces that higher taxes mean NY will have one less conservative recovering drug addict to kick around	(328)
	"But porn is largely a joyless enterprise that trains cameras on impecunious big-breasted women and rips off punters"	(74)
	Demi Moore takes a break from sharing every minute detail of her personal life on Twitter to declare that paparazzi photos taken without consent for profit is theft	(17)
	Paramount bosses hope. Shatner appears. In their upcoming "Star Trek" sequel	(26)
	Ozzy Osbourne says he'll never retire, find his self respect	(34)
(Some Gal)	10 ladies guilty of oversharing. Tila Tequila: "I'm shooting a commercial for safe sex. How ironic. Because I don't have that"	(34)
	Parents stupid enough to bring their kids to Britney Spears are shocked, SHOCKED by the "Freakshow" portion of the concert, in which Britney bumps and grinds with her male dancers to "Get Naked"	(38)
	Alyson Hannigan attains MILF status after giving birth to a healthy baby girl; doctors also found that flute she's been missing since band camp	(55)
(Jezebel)	Michael J. Fox is clearly taunting us now, says the best thing about having Parkinson's is brushing his teeth, his arm rivalling the most powerful industrial toothbrush in existence. Says his kids call him "Shaky Dad"	(60)

Tue March 31, 2009

	If you can spend all your time gluing matchsticks, to make the city of Minas Tirith, you'll truly be an obsessive fan, my son	(50)
	Drew Barrymore and Justin Long are back together again. You didn't bother to submit this article with a better headline, because you, unlike submitter, failed to care	(47)
	Former Hugh Hefner girlfriend Kendra Wilkenson is coming out with a line of DIY stripper poles. Like Kendra, they're expected to be cheap, thin, and manufactured from high-grade plastic	(31)
(The Spectator)	"Monty Python's status as a national treasure has blinded people to its shortcomings and created a tedious tradition of puerile, half-baked humour dressed up as real comedy." John Cleese writes a rebuttal	(107)
	Fox affiliate refuses to air new Osbournes variety show because it contains profanity and adult content, will air the Simpsons instead	(25)
	Rihanna has demanded a public apology from Chris Brown. Where will this apology take place? On Oprah, of course	(59)
(Some Blogger)	MASH writer compliments writing staff of "House" for plagiarizing patient's-point-of-view plot-device episode from show he did over 30 years ago	(83)
(Broadcast Now)	Finale of "Pushing Daisies" to air in the UK, a nation that fully appreciates whimsy, before airing on US television	(28)
	Cartoonist Robert Crumb announces completion of his long-awaited take on the Book of Genesis, even considered drawing God as a black woman. "But if you actually read the Old Testament he's just an old, cranky Jewish patriarch"	(42)
	IFC jumps on the horny-vampire-TV-program bandwagon. It's sort of like "Buffy" but with "lycanthropic sexual fantasies"	(84)
	Josh Hartnett taken to hospital with gastrointestinal problems, bed head	(30)
	Roger Ebert astonished by negative opinions of Nicolas Cage. "I have great affection for Harrison Ford, George Clooney and Brad Pitt. But can they go rockabilly like Nic did in 'Wild at Heart?'"	(146)
	Trailer for Crank: High Voltage. Possibly more creative than the movie	(94)
	Paramount hires J.J. Abrams and crew for "Star Trek II: Khan Boogaloo"	(70)
	Angelina Jolie wants to adopt an Indian child, saying "I don't have one of those yet. Or do I?"	(35)
(Some Guy)	Bollywood actors charged for violating the code of conduct for openly campaigning for a candidate in the Indian Congress. We really need a law like that in our country	(48)
	Ex-model Katie Price celebrates UK mother's day with "mammoth drinking session" that ended at 6am passed out facedown on a table surrounded by snickering teenagers (with pics)	(31)
	The best show on TV you're not watching get two more seasons for you to not watch it	(107)

Mon March 30, 2009

	TV show "ER" ends its run this week. If you haven't seen it in awhile, they killed off Gilbert from Revenge of the Nerds, cut off a guy's arm with a helicopter, and hired Uncle Jesse and Velma to come be doctors	(109)
	If Twitter, Facebook and blogs have taught us anything, it's that celebrities are terrible at shaping their own image. Ashton Kutcher wants you to know he just went to the bathroom	(34)
	Netflix to its customers: We're upping your fees on Blu-Ray titles. Customers to Netflix: Up yours	(108)
	Andy Hallett -- Lorne from the TV show "Angel" -- has died of heart failure at age 33	(134)
	In response to not having received a script for "Knocked Up 2" in her e-mail inbox, Katherine Heigl flips and says she'd be willing to stay on Grey's Anatomy "if they'll have me"	(34)
	Public Enemy, responsible for hits such as "Burn, Hollywood Burn," to be turned into a Hollywood animated feature. The main challenge remains how to turn Flavor Flav into more of a cartoon character than he already is	(45)
	L O S T has someone to play the often talked about but never seen Jacob. (Spoilers)	(43)
	Good News: MTV is going to show music videos again. Bad News: Between 3-9am, when no one will be watching	(43)
	Sacha Baron Cohen's upcoming "Bruno" deemed too gay by the MPAA, gets the dreaded NC-17 rating. Disembowelment and limb-tearing still ok but simulated buttsecks might send kids the wrong message	(82)
(Some Guy)	Remember that old saying about there being no such thing as bad publicity? Michelle Rodriguez roadtests it by showing up in a wheelchair in a Mexican airport, then leaping up and attacking reporters	(30)
	Roger Ebert will never become "a Twit" and that Facebook page is a fake	(25)
	Olbermann names Twitter "Worst Person in the World" for allowing account in his name, not realizing that the account was run by MSNBC to promote his show	(67)
(Some Guy)	Court ponders which is worse: being an African orphan or adopted by Madonna?	(17)
	If you think Jimmy Fallon sucks as a talk show host, here's 10 that were possibly far worse	(67)
	TS Eliot, working as publisher, rejected Orwell's "Animal Farm" in 1944	(59)
	Post-beating mugshot of the hooker battered by the ShamWow guy	(200)
	"Ah... then it's a gift." Famed movie composer Maurice Jarre dies	(27)
(Some Guy)	In latest proof that Hollywood is out of ideas, Karate Kid is being remade with Jackie Chan, except they're going to call it Kung Fu Kid to make it sound original	(47)
	Fox announces "'The Bachelor' for fat people" -- for everybody who always wanted to watch "Biggest Loser" contestants make out in a hot tub	(43)
(Longview, Wash. Daily News)	Brando's lifelong friend, manager reveals his love of his small-town retreat, desire to own a pet pig	(5)
(Time Out New York)	Today's Iron Caption contest ingredient: SNL's Bill Hader. Difficulty: post the pic inline above your caption	(37)
	"It's fashionable to argue that Americans do it best when it comes to quality TV drama. But close inspection of the output reveals that the Brits are still number one"	(89)
	"Bullit" tops best car chase movie, beating "Italian Job", "Ronin" and "Corvette Summer." Mark Hamill is bummed	(92)
	New Wonder Woman DVD set is allegedly true to the comic's roots, but since the review doesn't mention anything about Amazonian bondage I give it a resounding "meh." ("Meh" not safe for Internet usage in some states)	(67)