FARK.com: Showbiz links -- Archives for 2009-03-22

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Sun March 22, 2009

	New reality show "Hottest Mom in America" is auditioning "Momshells", sexually confusing contestants' kids	(42)
	ABC News radio anchorman George Weber, 50, found dead, homicide suspected	(40)
	Jeffrey Dean Morgan hated his Comedian costume from "Watchmen." At least he had a costume	(76)
	Nicolas Cage's hair is a bird. His box office competition is irrelevant	(225)
	Yippee-ki-yay, matrimony	(27)
	Anne Hathaway in talks to play lead role in Judy Garland biography. Submitter looks forward to Anne's heartfelt portrayal of Judy's "giving hand jobs for crack" phase	(148)
	Maurice LaMarche (voice of "The Brain" and wicked Shatner impressionist on "The Critic" and "Animaniacs") declares today "International Talk Like William Shatner Day." Bonus: He's ... even ... Canadian	(106)
	13 failed attempts at starting movie franchises. Frost & Nixon and The Temple of Doom curiously missing from list	(151)
	Jurors in the Phil Spector murder retrial have the option of a manslaughter conviction, are advised not to post one more farking NewsFlash about the story	(13)
	Tired of her blowing away all the time, Harrison Ford puts large metal ring on Calista Flockhart	(25)
	Lindsay Lohan to Seth Rogen: "Tee hee, why don't we do a film together?" Rogen: "Dude... wait, what?"	(27)
	British reality TV "star" Jade Goody dies, aged 27. UK tabloids now officially have nothing to write about	(77)
(Topless Robot)	The seven most depressing songs ever sung by a Muppet	(72)
	Warren Beatty sued over rights to "Dick Tracy." Pruneface, Mumbles, Itchy, and Madonna all line up for revenge	(9)
	Wallace stars in his first nude plasti-scene... with Gromit on hand to spare his blushes and hide his bone	(13)

Sat March 21, 2009

	James Cameron's "Avatar" to have over one thousand credits and cost more than $200 million. The boat sinks in the end	(56)
	Roger Ebert calls Nicholas Cage's "Knowing" "among the best sci-fi films I've seen"	(122)
(Some Poughkeepsie)	After being out crazied recently by the Mormons (prop 8) and Fox News (24hrs a day), and wanting more publicity, Fred Phelps has decided that "God hates Natasha Richardson"	(236)
	"Twilight" DVD release reminiscent of "Harry Potter" releases: record crowds of virgins gather around Blockbuster dressed in capes	(118)
(Zombie Room)	The Green Hornet vs. Green Lantern	(54)
	But who is Mysterion??	(116)
	Kim Basinger embarrassed her daughter's teen friends know what her hoo-haa looks like	(94)
	Post-finale interview with Ronald D. Moore. Questions answered, answers questioned, and spoilers abounding	(234)
	The Dark Knight returns: Adam West crawls back into the Batmobile (pics)	(65)
	United Nations takes a break from saving the environment and feeding the world to... discuss the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica?	(192)

Fri March 20, 2009

	While Obama was mocking retards on Jay Leno, McLovin was F-bombing Jimmy Kimmel(Not safe for work clip)	(39)
(Portfolio)	CNN's March ratings now somewhere between Sham-Wow Infomercial and "According to Jim' reruns	(54)
	Some character on some show on some network is going to commit suicide	(185)
	Joss Whedon insists that tonight's episode of "Dollhouse" finally achieves the nerdish coolness his unhealthily obsessed fanboys expect from him	(134)
(Mental Floss)	Some things you didn't know about "Leave it to Beaver," including that Hugh Beaumont was a pastor and Lumpy got more tail that you and your friends put together	(45)
	Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to know that she feels guilty for having to leave her kids and jet off for movies and other obligations that come with being rich and famous	(31)
(that's my skull)	Green Lantern is the Troy Aikman of super heroes	(38)
	Lindsay Lohan blames tabloids for ruining her acting career. Because all the cooter-flashing episodes, the drugs, and the ugly lesbian girlfriend have nothing to do with it	(72)
	Even though Mariah Carey got married less than a year ago, she's so happy she wants to marry the same guy again this year	(22)
	Feeling left out, Colbert decides to lay the beat down...on Michael Steele. Wait, who?	(25)
	Broadway babe Kristin Chenoweth writes a book about her stage career, tells about the man who was thrown out of "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" for masturbating during the song "My New Philosophy"	(70)
	In honor of BSG going off for it's final cylon attack, the top 10 sci-fi shows of all time. Tag is for #3	(167)
	Six evil henchmen who sucked at their jobs. THOSE INCOMPETENT FOOLS	(86)
	Nicolas Cage's "Knowing" is a contender for worst movie of 2009: "It's not even remotely terrifying when [Cage] screams, 'How am I supposed to stop the end of the world?' - it's just laugh-out-loud funny"	(136)
	Bourne Ultimatum director admits to using camera tricks to distract commuters while filming on location. Apparently it was quite a shaky start for the film	(18)
	Bryan Singer will be directing the next Superman film. Not that there's anything wrong with that	(118)
	Producers of "The Simpsons" want Barack Obama to appear on their show. And mock the disabled	(52)
	Don Cornelius pleads no contest to charges of beating his estranged wife. Required to commit to 300 hours of community service, apologize for giving us Rosie Perez, Nick Cannon and Jodi Watley	(16)
	Christopher Nolan's brother arrested in alleged kidnapping/murder case. But that's not how he remembers it	(17)
	After a long battle with drug addiction and legal trouble, Tom Sizemore is finally getting his life in order. Just kidding, he got busted for stealing pens and cell phones	(18)
(monsters and critics)	The nine most terrifying words in the English language: "We're the Baldwin brothers and we're here to help"	(7)
	Serenity 2: the reasons why now 's the right time to finally green light it	(163)
(Some Guy)	This headline almost makes sense: "Obituary guitar being auctioned for decapitated singer"	(33)
	Rihanna may be able to take a punch but she can't stand the idea of her wild sextape hitting the internet	(123)
	Jessica Lange follows King Kong	(27)
	Tyler Perry announces that Mary J. Blige will star with Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry's "I Can Do Bad All By Myself", an adaptation of a play by Tyler Perry, directed by Tyler Perry, to film at Tyler Perry Studios. Tyler Perry	(30)
	Dane Cook's half-brother indicted for stealing millions from him. Ironic tag explodes	(75)

Thu March 19, 2009

	Spock detects large quantities of win in small Canadian town's sector	(27)
	Captain's Log, Stardate 4578.86: I'm sitting in my living room wondering why my wife left me when I brought home this awesome replica chair	(69)
	Man Willy Wonka really let himself go. Slugworth is even getting tortured	(53)
	Did you like the muppet episode of "Angel"? You'll love the Family Guy episode of "Bones"	(61)
	Stephen Colbert and Meredith Viera both admit to "twatting" on the Today Show	(40)
	Someday they'll make it, the new Muppet Movie, for the lovers, the dreamers and Subby	(39)
	Pineapple Express director David Gordon Green set to cast James Franco in "medieval stoner comedy"	(28)
	Natalie Portman the front runner for the female lead in Paramount's "Thor" adaptation. You'd hit it like an angry..well, Thor	(166)
	"That's a hate term and insensative to butt pirates"	(103)
	Media Whore Ted Haggard and wife to appear on Divorce Court. Expect irreconcilable differences and she does not have a penis to be the basis of his complaint	(122)
	One man's defence of Jar Jar Binks	(121)
	Frank Zappa fans in Lithuania give bust of singer to his hometown Baltimore. Will not accept Spiro Agnew bust as a return gift	(37)
	Who is the third most popular movie star in America today? Hint: He has been dead 30 years	(132)
	As a kid I used to lie awake and think / When would Justin Timberlake make a drink? / Now I'm all grown & my dream's come true / Timberlake 901, from him to you	(46)
(www.celebuzz.com)	Nothing says "I lost a reality show contest" better than assaulting your sleeping ex with a laptop, apples, water and a cat	(47)

Wed March 18, 2009

	Michael Jackson, 50, is so pleased with the way tickets are selling for his London shows that he feels like a kid again. Also feels more youthful	(45)
	Love Actually will never be the same (updated link)	(364)
	Colbert is either going to Iraq or the Bahamas	(44)
	Plastic-breasted cementhead Audrina Patridge gets a reality show about her vapid, lip-liner-and-lunch-focused life	(72)
	Tom Cruise either needs the money or needs an image rehab, because here comes Mission: Impossible 4	(60)
	Geddy Lee on Canada: "It's really farkin' cold." No, really, he said "farkin'". Speculation about his Fark handle to the right	(206)
	More than half of the 39 TV pilots currently filming have fled California as if they were being chased by an angry mob of Scientologists carrying flaming syringes of salmonella	(71)
	Live Nation's $6 per-ticket parking fee "is in place to alleviate traffic issues ... to ensure that all fans can enter the venue in a timely and safe manner"	(73)
	Rough economic times are forcing major artists to lower concert ticket prices. "I don't think anybody is looking around and going, 'Boy, I think I can sell out at $150 a ticket.' That's just not today's reality"	(60)
	Recommended for American Idol: South Park Night	(88)
(Some Guy)	A behind-the-scenes look at the six day process of the creation of an episode of South Park	(86)
	You know you need a sammich when you're asked to put some pounds on to play a supermodel	(39)
	And now, sexually explicit audio, courtesy of Bill Orally. O'REILLY. Bill O'Reilly	(60)
(Some Guy)	Kanye West is playing a failed rapper on the Family Guy spinoff 'cause playing a failed singer would be too easy	(44)
(The Business Insider)	Salma Hayek is in talks to play another woman Adam Sandler could never get in real life	(56)
	Nicolas Cage takes up hang gliding, will use his hair instead of a glider	(71)
	Co-creator of Mr. Magoo dies of heart failure. Doctors say he never saw it coming	(16)
	"The cheese made famous by Wallace and Gromit has seen a huge surge in sales despite the economic downturn." Unlike the Wrong Trousers, which never caught on among consumers	(32)

Tue March 17, 2009

		Apparently horny but a little confused about her memes, Oprah keeps killing puppies	(51)
		David Prowse, who played Darth Vader in the real Star Wars trilogy, diagnosed with prostate cancer. The force is strong... on his bladder	(63)
		10 brilliant one-hit wonders from the world of books	(130)
		'American Idol' launching trading card line. Move over Honus Wagner, here comes Brian Dunkelman	(28)
		Sarah Jessica Parker has veiny hands. The Daily Mail is there. (with "do not want" pic)	(89)
		"Marley and Me" tops the foreign box office, while "Watchmen" descends to the popularity of a Russia documentary about buckweat	(206)
		Former "Jackass" star Steve-O sits out of "Dancing with the Stars" due to injury that apparently didn't involve a baseball bat and his genitalia	(34)
		Judge throws out Disney's copyright case against "Family Guy" producers. Story to be written in to a future episode: "It's like that time Disney tried to sue us..."	(105)
		Beyonce is only one of a handful of black celebrities to appear on the cover of Vogue; "It's our annual shape issue, and Beyonce has arguably the best shape in the business"	(84)
		Monica Belluci has world's best pair of lips. For some reason, this article has a picture of her face	(108)
		Even comic book fans are cutting back during our recessionary times. "Instead of seeing the Batman movie three or four times, they'll see it less"	(64)
		"SyFy makes me vomit tears" -- fan outrage over Sci Fi Channel's new name	(213)
		Christina Ricci is appalled to discover people know where she lives. So, in a bid to protect herself, she publicly announces details of her security protection	(64)
		Natasha Richardson auditions for the Sonny Bono club	(107)
		Though fans have yet to biatch in disappointment at "Transformers 2," Dreamworks announces 2011 release date for "Transformers 3." Even the Mayan calendar can't ease your pain	(81)
		Six movie remakes that missed the point. Or how studio execs learned to stop worrying and fund some bombs	(129)

Mon March 16, 2009

		J.J. Abrams to adapt Wired magazine article into big-screen feature. Drew to start shopping Fark headlines around Hollywood	(19)
		Letting Sacha Baron Cohen in was "an embarrassment to the Alabama National Guard." Putting Squirrels down your pants for the purposes of Gambling still considered "Respectable"	(32)
		Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze	(42)
		There won't be a sixth season of 'The Wire,' but David Simon is currently working on 'Treme,' a post-Katrina look at poverty, corruption, and music that will re-unite Clarke Peters and Wendell Pierce	(52)
		David Chase to develop new mini-series for HBO, focusing on	(61)
		Andy Samberg to host 2009 MTV Movie Awards. He used to write for the show and now he'll be completing the circle of suck	(63)
		Confucius say: "Hollywood is out of ideas"	(48)
		Alec Baldwin thinks taxes are good, but only if other people are paying them	(96)
		Sci-Fi channel tries to shed geek image and become more "cool" by changing name to "SyFy". You're doing it wrong	(262)
		Mary Kate Olsen is looking paler than Robert Smith on a rainy day	(86)
		Don Imus announces he's battling nappy-headed prostate cancer	(96)
		"Why you shouldn't take kids to see 'Watchmen'" or "Why common sense needs to be spelled out for people yet again"	(201)
		George Lucas wanted Indiana Jones to be a rapist. Steven Spielberg talked him out of it	(61)
		Portland TV station can do anything it wants with its programming, except take Perry Mason off the air at noon:"It's untouchable. We can add shows and take others off the air, but 'Perry' is nothing to fool with"	(34)
		The 15 Most Disturbing Movies, and not a single Larry The Cable Guy movie on the list	(444)
		MacGyver movie in the works. Patty and Selma will be in their bunks	(48)
		Harlan Ellison's bitter, cybernetic corpse sues "Star Trek" over 1967 TV episode. "It ain't about the 'principle,' friend, it's about the money! Pay me!"	(105)
		Charlie Sheen's wife has a great set of twins. No, not that kind, the other kind	(28)
		Harry Potter's stunt double is paralysed for life after a horrific 'broomstick accident'	(87)