Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Showbiz Archives for '2009-02-15 23:59:59'

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Sun February 15, 2009

		SNL: Alec Baldwin shows how playing Nintendo Wii is like ... you know	(25)
		Freida Pinto dumps fiance now that she's famous. Rips out his heart and says "you won't be needing this anymore"	(79)
		After premiere at Royal Opera House disrupted by power failure, director says, "Fark it, we'll do it in the bar"	(7)
		Blogger calles U2 Science Fiction's best band. Must not have heard of Yes, Rush, Coheed and Cambria, Monster Magnet, Muse, Radiohead, Tool, Powerman 5000, Daft Punk, etc	(102)
		Promos filled with beautiful half naked women result in high ratings for TV show debut. In other news, men like boobies	(53)
		Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen reveal they still watch reruns of "Full House", still sometimes binge on a third of a gummy bear to reminisce about the old times when they were thin and beautiful	(41)
		"Friday the 13th" scares up biggest box office opening in 2009. No word if studio is considering a sequel or ten	(73)
		First-editon "Conan the Barbarian #1" comic book worth $690 stolen. In other news, a "Conan the Barbarian" comic is worth $690	(51)
		"Twilight" fans respond to Stephen King's dis of Stephanie Meyer. "You'd have to read the uncensored versions to understand the vitriol aimed at the two authors - the comments make Obama- and Bush-bashing seem tepid"	(141)
		Stunt rider copies Steve McQueen's motorcycle jump from "The Great Escape", using an old-fashioned motorcycle and modern brass balls (with video spiffiness)	(49)
		Chris Brown's father says his son is sorry that Rihanna tripped and fell face first into his fists	(50)

Sat February 14, 2009

(TV Guide)	Tina Fey denies massive McFlurry product placement on "30 Rock," says they didn't have a deal with McDonalds to hype their sugar delivery system	(108)
	Patrick Swayze says, "Fark you cancer - come and get me"	(92)
	Jimmy Fallon announces he's finished with acting. Joaquin Phoenix raises quizzical eyebrow	(65)
	Amy Winehouse collapses, admitted to hospital. Wow, it' s Saturday already?	(35)
	The new "Simpsons" main title in all of its HD goodness	(195)
(Some Guy)	Kelly Clarkson calls it quits on her acting career. "From Justin to Kelly II" evidently red-lighted	(45)
(Some Guy)	Three thousand years of human/Cylon history were revealed in 45 minutes during Friday's "Battlestar Galactica." Good thing someone took some frakkin' notes	(173)
	Transformers 2 trailer Revenge of the Fallen--"One shall stand, one shall fall	(224)
	Hollywood rocked by allegations that Tarzan's alleged buddy Cheeta isn't all the monkey he's aped up to be	(12)
(Some Car Guy)	GM's problems haven't stopped them from building a 17 foot tall replica of Bumblebee for the Chicago Auto Show	(87)

Fri February 13, 2009

	The best Conservative movies ever made. You betcha "Red Dawn" made the list	(357)
	Jonny Quest film to rape your childhood with giant eyeball spiders	(55)
(Some Guy)	The Simpsons debuts this Sunday with a new hi-def widescreen opening. In other news, The Simpsons is still on the air	(79)
	Sarah Jessica Parker photographed wearing hoofed boots. She's just mocking us now	(48)
	Top 10 disastrous Letterman interviews	(68)
	Kevin Costner and wife give birth to baby boy. Labor took three hours, cost $150 million, and was panned by the critics	(25)
	"People Vs. George Lucas" to hold director accountable for Jar-Jar, bad spin-offs, whiny Jedis, boring plots on trade disputes, midi-chloridians and raping our childhood in general, in upcoming documentary (with trailer)	(91)
	"30 Rock," yet another show incorporating product placement within their episodes, with the subtleties of an anvil falling on your head	(67)
	After Paul Blart, Kevin James has decided to pursue more serious, meaningful roles. Just kidding- up next, he'll play The Zookeeper and get kicked in the nuts by a leopard	(24)
	Alec Baldwin does Joaquin Phoenix on Conan. Because if someone can play douchebag, it would be Alec Baldwin (with vid)	(53)
	In the shocker of the winter movie season, Pink Panther 2 turns out to be a huge bag of suck	(37)
	Slow news day: "Has Miss Piggy lost weight?"	(20)
	Dakota Fanning owns the red carpet at the the 40th NAACP Image Awards	(94)
	Since Universal made deals with Habro to turn every games and toys into a movie, the studio goes through your closet and pulls out an old Stretch Armstrong doll: "Here's our next blockbuster"	(32)
	New poll reveals that most men secretly love to watch the romantic films of Hugh Grant	(59)
	Mickey Rourke, are you really going out with Courtney Love? "I'd rather be on a deserted island with a gorilla"	(26)
	Tom Cruise to play the gay Hardy Boy alongside Ben Stiller in "Hardy Men", a "comedic adaptation of the classic 'Hardy Boys' kids' novels"	(64)
	When you sell your BlackBerry on eBay, be sure to delete the address book first. Especially if it's full of movie stars' phone numbers and e-mail addresses	(31)
	Bruce Campbell says he's through with playing Ash. "I mean, did anyone really want Indiana Jones 4?"	(82)
	Arrested Development stars and producer reunite in new animated show, "Sit down, Shut up"	(35)
	Fox News asks whether it was Paris Hilton who called Chris Brown who beat Rhianna who is not happy with Paris Hilton. The Circle is Complete	(31)
	Michael Jackson's superbug infection may cause his nose to collapse. Good thing he has a drawer full of spares	(34)
	Tara Reid claims that she relied on drinking to mask her shyness. Next up: claiming she had plastic surgery to hide her hotness	(23)
	Looks like Stephen Summers has turned Cobra Commander from totally cool, to a total douchebag. With insane pic of the new Cobra Commander	(150)
	Wanda Sykes to host annual White House Correspondents dinner. What could possibly go wrong?	(120)

Thu February 12, 2009

	Roger Ebert reviews the Friday the 13th remake. And for old times' sake, he spoils the ending	(96)
	Nude photo of Madonna sells for $37,500--presumably to someone without internet access	(80)
	"Lost" viewership falls every episode this season. Since when do frequent high-pitched noises, blazing white lights and confusing time-shifts turn off viewers?	(272)
	ABC greenlights "Cougar Town," a comedy starring Courteney Cox. Mark submitter's words, we're just a couple years away from "MILF Island" becoming an actual show	(88)
	Who better to direct "Nightmare on Elm Street" remake than a guy with no movie directing experience aside from "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and the Blind Melon video with a girl prancing around in a bumblebee costume	(64)
	David Letterman's Top 5 Musical Guests: Monday: U2. Tuesday: U2. Wednesday: U2. Thursday: U2. Friday: U2	(86)
	George Lucas honored with Lincoln Medal at Ford's Theater reopening, insists that Abe shot first	(40)
	Anna Nicole Smith immortalized in an opera said to be "witty and clever," even libretto is to be written by "Jerry Springer: The Opera" author. Act one: "I'm on shrooms and I can't stop talking"	(12)
	Wachowski brothers to possibly bring their special brand of fail to the next Superman reboot	(151)
	Wallace And Gromit creator wins award, promptly drops and breaks it	(12)
	If you had today as the day the first American Idol scandal would break, step up and collect your prize	(49)
	In 15 minutes, Salma Hayek outperforms Bono and Angelina Jolie. And she only needed one breast to do it	(110)
(Geno's World)	Eliza Dushku takes you behind the scenes of her new Maxim photo shoot. You may never be the same again	(84)
	Pamela Anderson currently living in trailer. The circle is now complete	(111)
	Margaret Cho, after offending crowds with gay jokes, gag reflex jokes, heroin jokes, g-spot jokes and fisting jokes, finds herself shocked and offended by a picture of Miley Cyrus pulling her eyelids back	(132)
	Happy birthday to Christina Ricci. Subby would have said so in person, but she seems to have unchained herself from his radiator and escaped	(103)
	Nicollette Sheridan quitting Desperate Housewives to join the Caruso Club	(27)
	This week's Michael Jackson illness: The Superbug, which is eating away his milky white skin. The Sun has the photos to prove it. Well, maybe	(60)
	Joaquin Phoenix tripping balls on Letterman	(152)

Wed February 11, 2009

	Disney thinks it a wise investment to release 'Shopaholic' in the midst of a deep consumer recession. Good luck with that	(38)
	The big question facing the movie industry right now: "How will Sex and the City cope with the credit crunch?"	(11)
	The full trailer for "Inglorious Basterds" looks like a ton of Nazi killing fun	(87)
(Some Guy)	Wil's got a new book coming out. Here's a peek at the spiffy cover	(37)
	Joaquin Phoenix's beard mystery revealed: He just doesn't want to be confused with a sex symbol	(32)
(Perez Hilton)	I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced to the news that Mandy Moore is engaged to Ryan Adams	(67)
	Just when current "24" season is hitting its stride and showing promises, Kiefer Sutherland includes Robin Williams to the cast	(49)
	Daniel Radcliffe visited his injured stunt double in the hospital today and... OMG IS HE SMOKING A CIGARETTE???	(33)
	Julia Louis-Dreyfuss would gladly get naked on screen, but no one asked her. So all we need is an offer? Oh, and a time machine, yada yada yada	(69)
(Some Guy)	For his farewell episode, Conan O' Brien gets the best rock band available that aren't old farts yet: The White Stripes	(66)
	Comedy Central runs out of people to roast, puts a bunch of names in a hat and pulls out, wait for it... Larry the Cable Guy	(60)
	Surprising stories behind 20 Muppet characters. This is CNN	(69)
	Jessica Simpson claims to know "what works if you're curvy," plans to create new line of muumuus	(43)
	"The Gate" is next horror movie to get craptastic remake, this time directed by Alex Winter, Ted from "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure." Apparently, Stephen Dorff isn't busy either and will reprise original role	(41)
(Some Guy)	Mischa Barton starving herself to death. She looks like Marc Anthony with a bad weave	(94)
(music-News)	Hey England, remember when you sent us the Beckhams? Well, here's Courtney Love back to you. You can keep her	(31)
	Radiohead's Thom Yorke to write music for "Terminator: Salvation". Presumably by taking Danny Elfman's score and adding bleeds and noises to it	(53)
	Worst chick flicks ever: the ones you were subjected to by your girlfriend. You were alone? Hey, are you making a flower bouquet? Awww, dude	(186)
	Some guy waits for train 8 feet above platform. The Sun is there (pics)	(62)
	An interview with the man, Bruce Campbell	(40)
	Eddie Izzard to star in Day of the Triffids remake as a faaabulous triffid	(29)
	Fake drummer for Foreigner steals woman's Corvette, now suffers double vision	(77)
	Actor-comedian Faizon Love charged with assault, having a horrible porn-name	(21)
	The "Brett Ratner" of the comic book world to have a movie based on his book directed by the "Brett Ratner" of Hollywood	(84)
	Ending up in a kind of soundlessly spinning ethereal void as we all must	(68)
(Some Guy)	In advance of Valentine's Day, Canadians shun chick flicks and tearjerker movies in favour of films featuring zombie sex slaves, which pretty much defines Canadian women when you get them in the sack	(64)

Tue February 10, 2009

	"Office Space" cast reunite for 10th anniversary screening and Q&A with audience. David Herman (aka Michael Bolton): "I was the only cast member who wasn't on a lot of drugs"	(124)
	Death Cab For Cutie call for Auto-Tune ban, claiming that it's killing the art of singing by rendering everything soulless. Bob Dylan, Tom Waits and John Lydon: "Auto-what?"	(144)
	The best of costumed geeks from NY Comic Con 09	(101)
	The worst of costumed geeks from NY Comic Con 09	(74)
	It's one of the great questions of our time: Is Danica Patrick a better racecar driver or swimsuit model?	(133)
	Michelle Pfeiffer is 50, still extremely, extremely hittable	(68)
	First footage from 'Inglourious Basterds' with Brad Pitt looks bloody fun	(42)
(Some Guy)	Original tagline of Wes Craven's 1972 shocker "Last House on the Left": "To avoid fainting, keep repeating, it's only a movie, only a movie..." Compare and contrast to the tagline in 2009's remake	(97)
	Aaron Eckhart and Richard Jenkins join Hunter S. Thompson's "Rum Diary" adaptation, hangovers not only expected but part of the contract	(20)
	Miracle flight passenger gets record deal to release song "Send Another Prayer", which should have better sales than Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle's "There's a Tear in My Beer 'cause My Plane's in a Penthouse"	(18)
	Soap actor Phil Carey dies at age 83; expected to return next season as identical twin fathered by his estranged wife's personal chef	(20)
(Some Guy)	The five unbreakable rules of a Stephen Seagal movie. With embedded video proof	(92)
(NY Magazine)	Columbia executive Rick Rubin wins producer of the year Grammy for records he's made for everybody except Columbia	(23)
	Man watches "24" for 72 straight hours, setting record with either unparalleled stamina and ambition, or for unequaled laziness and a lost remote	(34)
	Michelle Obama is this close to going Chris Brown on Beyonce's ass	(74)
	Walt Disney and dreamworks officially out of ideas, turn to Bollywood, presumably so that recycled American movies turned into musicals can now be turned into really crappy American musicals	(12)
	Because nothing says "Look at me, I'm an attention whore" quite like wearing a transparent dress to an awards ceremony (safe for work)	(61)
	Coming soon to a theater near you -- 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies'. Cool, I love Jane Aus.....wait, what?	(70)
	Last another year, the Clone Wars will	(84)
	Heath Ledger fan group calls for Joker's retirement from all future Batman films. "We truly believe Ledger's performance as Joker is the best an actor could ever do"	(141)

Mon February 09, 2009

	Joss Whedon all but guarantees Eliza Dushku will be getting it on with other women in his new series "Dollhouse." Giggity	(105)
	Just because he's never met his kid, doesn't mean Eddie Murphy's off the hook. He's been ordered to pay $51,000/month to Scary Spice in child support	(70)
(Some Guy)	Telling a bouncer to "just Google me you dumb fark" may not be the best way to get into the club	(44)
	Hollywood may make a non-pornographic movie about Sarah Palin	(51)
	Good news, Hot Topic shoppers: Blink-182 reforms and possibly to go on tour with Green Day	(132)
	When Chris Brown talks about Rihanna to his friends and says, "Yeah, I'm hittin' that," apparently he means it	(57)
(LAObserved)	Newspapers should shut down their Web sites for a week just to get back at all the selfish jerks who read the paper online for free	(38)
	Top 10 hottest women size 10 and up	(318)
	What classic songs would sound like if created by cold, soulless machines. Wait, how is this any different than now?	(61)
(Neatorama)	Top 10 things science fiction movies get very, very wrong. Yes, George Lucas is featured prominently, dodging a laser bolt	(319)
(Geno's World)	Penelope Cruz whines that she has never received a Valentine's Day card. She'll just have to settle for great looks, fame and cash	(30)
	Sword swallower attempts curved cutlass "to make his act more interesting." Mission accomplished	(19)
	Offended viewers of ABC's "Wife Swap" express their extreme indigation over anti-military comments on show by email-bombing unrelated manufacturer of wheelchair mobility systems	(51)
	Jessica Biel hosts sci-tech Oscars, gives attendees first look at boobies	(109)
	Award-winning actor has these words of wisdom: "The armor that I wore much, the strength, the physical, the -- my mentality became a weakness and I am okay with the change"	(26)
	Even hipsters have a softer side: 29 romantic movies even the AV Club can get behind	(89)
(Some Sculleywag)	Apple announces Steve Wozniak to take over as interim CEO until Steve Jobs returns. Just kidding: ABC announces the Woz be on Dancing with the Stars	(36)
	Vote for your favorite vampire. Now with 10... 10 choices Ah ah ah	(230)
	America's just not that into good movies	(120)