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Sun February 01, 2009
(Entertainment Weekly) Interesting "Like a neon sign pointing to the lack of diversity in SNL's cast," is it time to replace Fred Armisen as Obama? His character "Seems to have been written in a room where laughter goes to die" (37)
(Paste Magazine) Cool "Flight of The Conchords" to add humour to their show with Jim Gaffigan and Kristin Wiig, and an upcoming episode directed by Michel Gondry (17)
(CBS New York) Spiffy Oprah Winfrey to donate $1.5 million to Newark, NJ charities to thank the state for having so many late-night diners (11)
(Yahoo) Spiffy What Liam Neeson has is a particular set of skills, skills that made "Taken" the top-grossing movie at the box office this weekend (87)
(NYPost) Cool Q&A with David Cross, discussing "Mr Show" and upcoming "Arrested Development" movie: "I'm probably gonna end up in some embarrassing situation with most of my clothes off, covered in some sort of goo" (43)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Emma Watson talks about nudity. And some other stuff (77)
(News Of The World) Amusing Gordon F*cking Ramsey sets new f*cking record by dropping 132 f*cking F-bombs in one f*cking 2-hour show. F*ck (49)
(NYPost) Amusing The Force is strong with these fanboys (22)
(People Magazine) Caption What's Ellen DeGeneres thinking about this mother-to-be? [voting enabled, article LIT] (83)
(Time) Obvious Mickey Rourke: "When you got bills to pay, you've gotta take a part that I would call a piece of crap... Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man--that started it" (25)
(Reuters) Unlikely Italian writer files lawsuit claiming that the script for "Benjamin Button" can't be based on the 1921 F. Scott Fitzgerald work, because it's actually based on a story she wrote in 1994. You're doing it wrong (30)
(People Magazine) Spiffy Somebody finally stayed (59)

Sat January 31, 2009
(LA Times) Scary J.J. Abrams on "Star Trek": "We are clearly in the shadow of what George Lucas has done" (91)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool The ONLY way this list could possibly be any cooler is if it wasn't a slideshow. The Top 25 Action Movies of the Last 25 Years (154)
(News Of The World) Obvious Kids spend 2,000 hours watching TV a year, a fact only ameliorated by fact pretards don't submit 'official' links to Fark about what they're watching at that moment and spend the next eight hours talking about it (21)
(Media Life) Obvious ABC's "Life on Mars" receives horrible ratings. Don't run. We are you friends. We come in peace. We come in peace (92)
(AP) Scary Good Lord... "Paul Blart" set to crack $100 million (105)
(Entertainment Weekly) Obvious "A poet's references to unfamiliar and rather absurd tales and persons as if they were known to every reader may serve to exhibit his erudition, but they are a hindrance to the full enjoyment of his poetry" (34)
(Wired) Spiffy Great long interview with the director of "Terminator: Salvation," along with some great set photos (26)
(Some Guy) Followup Old news: Comedian Bill Hicks' stand up was edited on Dave Letterman's show, and he died shortly afterwards. New news: Dave Letterman apologizes to Bill's mother on The Late Show. Freaking awesome: She performs the edited bits live (92)
(Starpulse) Interesting Danny DeVito wants "Taxi" turned into a movie. Regretfully, the only talented cast member is long gone. On the upside, Tony Danza, Christopher Lloyd, Judd Hirsch and Marily Henner have been needing work since the early 90s (82)
(Guardian.com) Dumbass Matt Damon on James Bond "...Bond is an imperialist, misogynist sociopath who goes around bedding women and swilling martinis and killing people. He's repulsive." (109)
(Canoe) Asinine Mallrats may be able to buy "Zack and Miri Make a Porno", but Walmart dogma dictates their clerks cannot sell such smut  T-Shirt (56)
(TBO) Interesting Springsteen gives the origin of the Florida tag: "You get in trouble in Jersey, you eventually drift down to Florida." (9)

Fri January 30, 2009
(Celebslam) Obvious Tommy Lee now has two things that are bigger than yours (48)
(Guardian.com) Followup It turns out all the stories about Heather Mills over the past few months have been utter falsehoods. Except the part about her being a golddigger (19)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Really, what Jane Austen novel couldn't be improved by adding zombies? (118)
(Den Of Geek) Interesting Will there ever be a proper Alien 5? (49)
(New Times Broward Palm Beach) Obvious Real life Mall Cop reviews Paul Blart: Mall Cop - "It pretty much makes a huge mockery of what we do, which is serious loss-prevention," (83)
(AP) Scary Is it just my imagination or has Tom Jones become a Klingon? (36)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Reminder: The late Bill Hicks appears 15 years late on the Late Show tonight (52)
(NewsMax) Obvious George Carlin pissing off the FBI? Who could ever imagine such a scenario? (36)
(NYPost) Asinine Eliza Dushku: "I like bow-hunting. I eat everything I kill." PETA: "You know who else ate everyone he killed?" (446)
(People Magazine) Sad Anna Faris the latest cute actress to get engaged to some undeserving douchebag who's totally not good enough for her (65)
(Bloomberg) Dumbass Hollywood attributes falling DVD sales to those newfangled "rentals" instead of the $25.00 sale price they started demanding after the Supreme Court said they could set price minimums (78)
(Onion AV Club) Cool Micheal Cera has caved, the Arrested Development movie is moving ahead "this year." Hopefully it maintains the same complex eroticism of the French original (90)
(Celebslam) Weird Mini Me gets drunk, flips off the paparazzi with his freaky-looking fingers (20)
(Daily Stab) Cool You can probably talk Isla Fisher into just about anything (59)
(Fox News) Spiffy LOST hottie Evangeline Lilly launches lingerie line for kids - er, to help kids. Less creepy that way (72)
(Daily Mail) Followup Jessica Simpson fights weight-gain criticism by greasing up and squeezing into a pair of tight leather pants, ends up looking like a giant black pudding (198)
(io9) Interesting "Kung-Fu Panda" creator to begin work on "He-man and the Masters of the Universe" movie adaptation, Sharon Stone and Jenna Jameson fighting for Skeletor role (36)
(Fox News) Strange How does Suzanne Somers stay sexy at 62? She rubs estrogen on one arm, progestorene on the other, then gives herself vaginal hormone injections while popping 60 pills a day (45)
(Fox News) Amusing Jennifer Aniston says she has one relationship deal-breaker and surprisingly it's not banging Angelina Jolie (46)
(Rotten Tomatoes) Silly Guys behind "Blair Witch Project" talk about ten-year anniversary, and all the cool new ideas they've had since then. Just kidding, they want to release extended version featuring long-lost poetry slams and more woody confessionals (76)
(Contact Music) Scary Mike McCready of Pearl Jam is a Crohn's disease advocate, admits having "hundreds" of accidents over the last 20 years (75)
(Starpulse) Dumbass American Idol judges clueless about Kentucky traditions as "be careful" is construed as a threat. Producers inform judges it isn't; also advise them not to give "thumbs up" in Iran or Afghanistan (118)
(Variety) Stupid NBC orders more episodes of "Howie Do It," which is not "Punk'd," which in turn is not "Totally Hidden Video," which is not "Candid Camera," which is not "Thog Make Joke On Cave Wife" (36)
(USA Today) Asinine This is why the terrorists hate America: "Does 'Paul Blart' have lessons to impart?" (25)
(Houston Chronicle) Cool Animal Planet working on a show to teach old dogs new tricks. The title? Fetch Me a Beer (12)

Thu January 29, 2009
(Contact Music) Cool Sylvester Stallone wants to bring back our favorite disgruntled, monosyllabic hero with post-traumatic stress syndrome to the big screen. No, not John McCain. The other one (113)
(LA Times) Silly J.J. Abrams promises there are tribbles in his upcoming "Star Trek" (77)
(E! Online) Cool Chad Lowe aka: Aids-ridden Jesse on "Life Goes On" has bounced back on the saddle following from his split from Hilary Swank (22)
(SlashFilm) Spiffy A reboot of the "Predator" franchise guarantees that we will have actor/politicians for years to come (89)
(Defamer) Scary Today's downsizing brought to you by... Mickey Mouse (10)
(People Magazine) Followup Patrick Swayze cancels pre-production on "Ghost 2" (39)
(Stuff) Spiffy Colin Farrell is once again dipping his oversized wick in Salma Hayek (64)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Amusing Not news: House construction is noisy. News: Neighbor's construction gets Ashton Kutcher out of bed all cranky. FARK: Demi calms her "baby" via Twitter (18)
(Huffington Post) Followup Ted Haggard goes on Oprah to talk about "dark and repulsive" sexual thoughts he has had. Oddly, he was not referring to his sex dreams about Oprah (204)
(Google) Scary Stock up on DVDs now, because you may not be able to get quality titles like "Paul Blart: Mall Cop", "The Spirit", and "Bride Wars" in a few months (45)
(ABC News) Strange Olivia Newton-John's missing boyfriend presumed dead is found living on a boat off the coast of Mexico, says Elvis and Jim Morrison are doing great (52)
(Reuters) Cool NBC greenlights TV adaptation of 1989 film "Parenthood". No word if Mary Steenbergen/Steve Martin blowjob scene will be re-imagined (41)
(NJ.com) Cool Lost producers: "We were being asked, certainly as far back in season two, "Are you guys ever going to do time travel on the show?" And we responded, "Who says we haven't already?"" (202)
(Celebslam) Amusing Fatgate: Day five (88)
(Daily Mail) Sad Patrick Swayze begins pre-production on "Ghost 2" (88)
(The New York Times) Stupid Responding to the American people's preference for fart jokes over discussions of domestic policy initiatives, ABC may move Jimmy Kimmel into the 11:35 pm slot occupied by "Nightline" (13)
(Daily Mail) Sad Harry Potter stuntman injured in on-set explosion, may lose use of his wand (30)
(SlashFilm) Stupid Bad news: "Ghost Rider" sequel in development. Worse news: Still with the comedic stylings of Nic Cage (73)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Michael Lohan gives Samantha Ronson a tongue lashing. Like father, like daughter (34)
(Reuters) Sad Director of "X-Files" dies. I want to bereave (48)
(411Mania) Followup Mickey Rourke decides he wants to win that Oscar after all, pulls out of WrestleMania XXV (36)
(A Muppet NewsFlash) Silly In April: John Mayer and Queen Latifah to host Sesame Street Special on dealing with post-war stress. In May: Sesame Street hosts special on dealing with post-tramatic stress after listening to John Mayer and Queen Latifah (17)
(Daily Mail) Followup And now for something completely different: John Cleese dumps his new girlfriend for revealing his scrotal secrets (32)
(Contact Music) Amusing Doogie Howser pulls a "Frank Drebin" (45)
(Sign On San Diego) Interesting Super Bowl week celebrity parties range from the seam-splitting "Leather and Laces" party hosted by Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra to the ear-splitting vocal stylings of Kevin Costner (14)
(Variety) Asinine You gotta be farking kidding. Hollywood to remake "The Thing". Again (122)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Actual Headline: Guy Ritchie's Dad Slams Madonna... I guess that's everyone now (16)
(Den Of Geek) Misc Top 10 McFilms - and nae Trainspotting (43)
(MTV) Stupid Dear Joaquin Phoenix, we already had an Andy Kaufman, thanks but you can give it a rest now. Love, world (62)
(TampaBays10.com) Amusing Justin Timberlake's mom likes his dick-in-a-box. Who knew? (39)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Hulkster's daughter Brooke Hogan to wrestle Ric Flair's son in circus tent at state fair. Good back-up plan if the puppet show is sold out (50)

Wed January 28, 2009
(Wall Street Journal) Cool Just what we need, a 51-year old fashion model attempting to make a comeba- whoa (83)
(USA Today) Interesting Letterman to have Bill Hicks' mom on Friday's show to discuss her son's legacy, will air lost Hicks standup routine deemed too hot for 1993's Late Show (140)
(Variety) Interesting Not one, but two Steve McQueen biopics are being planned for the big screen. Is there anybody on the face of the planet that could pull off playing Steve McQueen? (127)
(Daily Mail) Strange If the Pussycat Dolls' Jessica Sutta gets tired of pole-dancing, er, singing on stage, she can always guest star in the latest Star Trek project. And she won't even need make-up (52)
(Paste Magazine) Interesting At least "Che" director understands the irony of T-shirts with communist icon on them, and the fact that if Guevara was alive, he'd most likely put a bullet through his brain (53)
(SlashFilm) Cool Star Wars horror fiction set to hit shelves October 27th and no, this isn't the book version of Episodes 1-3 (111)
(Starpulse) Dumbass Jennifer Aniston turns down $4 million offer to pose for Playboy. She'd rather just walk around in tiny bikinis with hard nipples and get photographed by paparazzi for free (77)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Jay Leno is American's favorite TV personality, with Hugh Laurie limping sarcastically into second (48)
(E! Online) Spiffy Internet geek pin-up girl Pauley Perrette--the goth chick from "NCIS"--is getting hitched to some totally unworthy lunchmeat (93)
(MTV) Silly Jerry Bruckheimer asking fans to help decide who should play The Lone Ranger, will cast Nic Cage anyway (25)
(WWTDD) Dumbass Ashlee Simpson's response to people calling her fat sister fat: "Obama" "Change" "Hope" (63)
(AskMen) Amusing Top 10 worst movie-to-TV edits...this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps (169)
(Cracked) Amusing "Weekend at Hand Mountain" and 19 other foreign movie posters that were lost in translation (49)
(KnoxNews) Sad Pulitzer Prize-winning author Cormac McCarthy home burned to the ground after local preservationists dubbed it the most endangered historic structure in Knox County. Way to go Knoxville (47)
(The Sun) Dumbass Paris Hilton says she would never date Prince Harry because she respects his ex-girlfriend too much. Talk about a one-way street (30)
(The Sun) Unlikely Sir Elton John wants to clog our tubes. Oh, and shut down the Internet for a few years, too (34)
(SFFMedia.com) Stupid One of the writers behind Eagle Eye is working on a Blade Runner sequel. He hasn't finished a script yet, no studio is involved, but he's going to go ahead and make a $100 million film anyway 'with or without' anyone's help (56)
(Metro) Followup Lindsay Lohan handler says her recent weight loss is due to stress, and she recently ate two full meals at a photo shoot, presumably sampling liberally from both the crack AND vodak food groups (59)
(The Earth Times) Sad ♪ ♪ The an$wer my friend, i$ blowin in the wind ♪ ♪ The an$wer is blowin in the wind ♪ ♪ (37)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool Randy Jackson is no one trick pony. He did a stint with rock group Journey....back when he had hair. (video) (31)
(Village Voice) Dumbass Voice of Bart Simpson robo-calls for Scientology -- as Bart Simpson. No word if Matt Groening is having a cow (84)
(Cracked) Amusing David Letterman's 9 most hilariously awkward interviews. Yes, the Crispin Glover thing is #1 (71)
(AJC) Dumbass Coming soon: Tyler Perry presents "Tyler Perry's House of Liens." Tyler Perry (39)
(Some Guy) Obvious Joss Whedon to premier his new show at New York Comic Con. But don't get attached. If it's good, Fox will cancel it. That's how they roll (79)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Beatles manager to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Fab Four's last performance with a cover band on the roof of Seattle's Pike Place Market (33)
(Baltimore Sun) Amusing Film directors John Waters and Barry Levinson discuss movies and their connection with Baltimore, recently voted as "having the ugliest people in America" (29)

Tue January 27, 2009
(Contact Music) Strange All seven "Friday The 13th" actors who played Jason Vorhees throughout the years to get together for first time. They will stare intently at the audience for 20 minutes, no Q&A session expected (57)
(Daily Stab) Sad Once again, the ugly chick gets the shaft (43)
(Telegraph) Cool Blue Man Group, tired of blueing themselves, now want to become rock stars (35)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Daniel Craig to star as pirate Red Rackham in Tintin movie - yo ho ho and a bottle of martini (13)
(Yahoo) Obvious Add John Landis to the ever-growing list of people suing Jacko because they say he ripped them off (17)
(Celebslam) Unlikely Did you know Jessica Alba is a huge World War II buff? (167)
(Starpulse) Amusing Bret Michaels discusses what's it like to have contestants in hot pink veil and fish net stockings standing at the altar with blowup doll as gift: "if you girls are going fight, try to mention my name at least once" (47)
(Defamer) Asinine Jon Hamm to appear as yet another guest star on 30 Rock, as Tina Fey tries to run a once funny show that she's the lead writer for right into the ground, or as she calls it SNLing it (64)
(Rolling Stone) Cool Spike Lee wants Wesley Snipes to portray James Brown in upcoming biopic, if he can film it before Snipes heads off to jail for "research" (19)
(People Magazine) Cool Harry Potter invites the Obama girls to ride their pet unicorn over to Hogwart's for a tour (26)
(Time) Interesting If you fly American Airlines, you're going to have to watch NBC whether you like it or not (44)
(Some Guy) Asinine Stan Lee being sued by Stan Lee? (28)
(Some Guy) Strange Simon Cowell votes a contestant off "Britain's Got Talent." Turns out she's a witch who promptly curses him to a lifetime of sitting next to Paula Abdul (6)
(Starpulse) Interesting According to a new poll, "Shrek" is the number one film for kids that adults love most. "Schindler's List" didn't even make it into the top ten (155)
(Boston Globe) Sad Rabbit at rest. John Updike dead at 76 (153)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Five new "G.I. Joe" posters hit the net, check them out before they vanish into the Pyramid of Darkness (129)
(Celebslam) Scary Paris Hilton and Kid Rock seen dancing together, comparing STDs (17)
(Washington Times) Interesting Actor Benicio del Toro walks out of an interview with conservative newspaper over questions about the murderous sociopath he portrays on film, Che Guevara (197)
(Daily Mail) Fail Computer-generated composite image of Hugh Grant, Daniel Craig and Orlando Bloom created to determine the ultimate British male face- OI LADS KILL IT WITH FIRE (64)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Spiffy First look at comic prequel/sequel to upcoming "Star Trek" prequel/sequel (45)
(Entertainment Weekly) Stupid Remember "House's Head/Wilson's Heart," last year's season finale of "House" called by many the best season-ender of any show that year? Yeah, they're about to micturate all over it (128)
(MTV) Interesting Dakota Fanning wants to play a vampire in the "Twilight" sequel who is a "petite blonde with a Botticelli angel-like face and crimson irises". It's been Dunst (93)
(Gawker) Amusing The slow death of good commercials (with video of one of the worst) (111)
(Variety) Silly Hollywood is out of ideas and just plain hates us now: Hillary Duff to star in new adaptation of "Bonnie & Clyde" (30)
(Geno's World) Dumbass Jessica Simpson gets great career advice from a genius. Steve Guttenberg suggests that she should star in a British Pantomine to make some cash. God, let her do this (32)
(Some WV Guy) Scary Poor WV family documentary is bankrolled by Johnny Knoxville, Spike Jonze and Jeff Tremaine, the creators of "Jackass," What could go wrong? (27)
(Contact Music) Amusing Family Guy opts out of Britney Spears cameo because Seth McFarlane is afraid of being mocked by South Park (157)
(Metro) Cool SShhoottiinngg bbeeggiinnss llaatteerr tthhiiss yyeeaarr oonn wwoorrlldd''ss ffiirrsstt 33DD ppoorrnn mmoovviiee.. GGiiggggiittyy (36)
(Books For Kids Blog) Cool Neil Gaiman wins Newbery children's book award for "The Graveyard Book". Suck it, Walter The Farting Dog (52)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Childbirth likely to resemble bungee jumping out of the Grand Canyon (72)
(St. Petersburg Times) Silly And now for something completely different: Newspaper claims John Cleese's 27-year-old girlfriend is secretly forty-five (22)
(Entertainment Weekly) Silly Angelica Huston wants moviemakers of upcoming "Tarzan" reboot to use CG monkeys instead of real ones. Shia LaBouf swings his approval (19)
(BBC) Cool Red Dwarf returning to TV 21 years after its initial launch. The tag doesn't even begin to do this story justice (100)
(SlashFilm) Cool Terry Gilliam to direct Billy Bob Thorton as tormented genius trying to solve the enigmas of existence. You know, like "Bad Santa" (39)
(TMZ) Sappy Majel and Gene Roddenberry going where no man has gone before together (16)

Mon January 26, 2009
(Now Magazine) Stupid Lily Allen to Perez Hilton: "You're a towel." Perez to Lily: "No, YOU'RE a towel." (80)
(Huffington Post) Followup Ron Howard says we shouldn't blame Michael Cera for the Arrested Development movie holdup. Come on (103)
(Starpulse) Cool Scott Bakula to leap into Chuck for a guest staring spot.....oh boy (38)
(Celebslam) Fail Did she burn her lips on hot plate (Bikini pics) (129)
(CBC) Silly Broadway is out of ideas, announces stage adaptation of Michael Jackson's Thriller (26)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Molly Ringwald is writing a book about being a 40-something; says there's actually a lot of interesting stuff that's gone on in her life since "Pretty in Pink"; like marrying a greasy bohunk (55)
(Defamer) Cool Bobcat Goldthwait promotes new movie at Sundance, hoping it sells better than his previous one, which had the tagline "The dude from Police Academy makes a movie about a woman who fellates a dog" (30)
(LA Times) Obvious Like the rest of us, executive producer of "E.R." still unclear exactly where the plot of the series is going (39)
(Entertainment Weekly) Sad Jack Bauer may be RUNNING OUT OF TIME (86)
(Deceiver) Dumbass Bijou Phillips is almost as good at psychiatry as she is at acting (66)
(Breitbart.com) Amusing In a much anticipated match up, we have in this corner noted neocon and creepy smiley guy, Bill Kristol. And in the opposing corner, member of the Film Actors Guild, and outspoken slow talker Matt Damon (221)
(LA Times) Interesting When William Petersen took his magic blue light and left "CSI," he took a few million fans with him (58)
(Sci Fi) Dumbass Like LOST? Like time travel? Then let's go back to 2005 when the authors said "there isn't any time travel in the show" (258)
(The Sun) Asinine More proof Hollywood is out of ideas: "Charlie's Angels 3: The Saggening" (39)
(Celebslam) Amusing Jessica Simpson plays at chili cookoff. Although from the pictures, it looks more like she was a guest judge. Bonus: MOM JEANS (116)
(The Sun) Sad What happened to you, Steve Martin? "I have to tell you that every movie I've done that ends in a wedding or holding a baby has been a hit," so Inspector Clouseau is getting married (58)
(Independent.ie) Sad Falling slowly... out of love. Couple from the film "Once" call it quits (45)
(London Times) Unlikely 1969: Rock bands wreck luxury hotels to counter boredom of touring. 2009: Rock bands open luxury hotels to counter unprofitability of touring (49)
(The Register) Stupid Fox picks up yet another British TV show for an American remake. This is absolutely not fabulous (61)
(Bitten and Bound) Interesting In a clear case of life imitating art, CSI actor fends off knife-wielding robber in the NYC subway (17)
(NYPost) Dumbass Paul McCartney wants to marry a third time. Some people never learn (44)
(LA Times) Followup Danny Bonaduce fights Jose Canseco to a draw in World Series of Roids (22)
(Wordpress) Interesting Painting the Town Pink: A Composition for The Chelsea Hotel. Detailed article includes wonderful photographs and a music video, as well as a remarkable photo-essay video (with music by Lou Reed) (7)
(io9) Silly Five TV shows that are really sci-fi, even if they pretend not to be (72)
(PopEater) Obvious Heath Ledger speechless after winning Best Supporting Actor honors at the Screen Actors Guild Awards (93)
(Access Hollywood) Amusing It's still real to Mickey, dammit (31)

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