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Sun January 18, 2009
(Celebitchy) Dumbass Katie Holmes confused why being married to all that crazy hasn't landed her more roles (39)
(Google) Fail There is no God: "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" takes in almost $34 million this weekend. Tag is for America's collective taste (92)
(Some Guy) Cool Top ten movies where the bad guy wins. Bonus, no slideshow (136)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass TV chef says he's eaten giraffe before and "highly" recommends it. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this (71)
(NYPost) Amusing Cheech & Chong discuss their successors, having to go to YouTube to remember their lines, and marijuana being almost legal: "It's like gay marriage, only it tastes better" (16)
(Contact Music) Interesting "Slumdog Millionaire" star Dev Patel is trying not to let celebrity praise go to his head. In related news, if Dev Patel's Evian is a degree above or below room temperature, IT'S YOUR ASS (33)
(Contact Music) Stupid Ever wonder when Dee Snider was going to make a sequel to "Strangeland"? Neither did we, but he's going ahead anyway (11)
(MSNBC) Cool Fit Britney reveals her toned, tour-ready body (88)
(News.com.au) Fail Tom Cruise dreams of murdering Hitler. Insightful quote: "I hate that guy." (69)
(Now Magazine) Sad "24" will officially RUN OUT OF TIME after its eighth season (52)
(Contact Music) Interesting I SAID, KEVIN SPACEY IS TAKING A LOT OF HEAT FOR USING AN EARPIECE TO FEED RICHARD DREYFUSS HIS LINES FOR A PLAY (18)
(GamesRadar) Interesting Characters you never knew had the same voice actor, you'll never look at Bender the same (126)
(Celebitchy) Stupid Madonna undergoes therapy, trying to repair her "tikkun," a Kabbalah term which, contrary to popular beliefs, does not mean "gristly man-arms" (29)
(Starpulse) Scary Mira Sorvino's crowning achievement? Breaking five teeth while filming a TV miniseries. Well, the molar, the merrier (42)

Sat January 17, 2009
(Starpulse) Interesting Heath Ledger turned down the chance to play Spider-Man. So much for that whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing (48)
(Daily Stab) Interesting Oprah's dying ex-boyfriend claims she was addicted to cocaine in the 80's and even taught him how to smoke it (65)
(Hulu.com) Asinine Afraid that it might be possible for anyone to actually see and enjoy "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," FOX does the only logical thing and gets it pulled from Hulu (106)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Terry Gilliam continues to tilt at windmills, attempts to film his ill-fated "Don Quixote" again (20)
(Google) Asinine Nude photo of Madonna expected to sell for $10,000. Subby is willing to sell a link to Google Images for a year of Totalfark and a 12 pack of Heineken (81)
(Yahoo) Obvious Pamela Anderson tells Mumbai, 'Dogs cannot use condoms' (35)
(LA Times) Interesting Battlestar Galactica actor has known for two years that their character would be revealed as the final cylon (spoiler) (170)
(Fox News) Scary Pics of Brit and Madonna in 2019. I wouldn't now, and I sure as hell won't then (27)
(Contact Music) Scary You know what sounds like a great movie idea? Unleash Amy Winehouse near a bunch of troubled high school students. The thing will write itself (22)
(MTV) Spiffy Babylon 5's writer, Quantum of Solace's director, and Brad Pitt's production company team up to bring Max Brook's zombie epic, World War Z, to the silver screen (73)
(SlashFilm) Cool New photos released of the Monsters from "Where The Wild Things Are" (47)
(News and Record) Sad And we have the first shooting at the premier of the new Notorious movie (211)

Fri January 16, 2009
(Starpulse) Cool Tommy Lee Jones inducted into the Texas Cowboy Hall of Fame. Anton Chigurh seen nodding grimly (14)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Fail If you were praying that the director of 10,000BC, Independence Day and Godzilla would do Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy, then today is your lucky day. You predicted a better headline and sealed it in a vault (72)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool How "Lost" entering the DeLorean this season is about to send the show into the past, present and future -- and annoy Sawyer (44)
(Gawker) Asinine Will Ferrell ad banned from ABC and CBS for using the word "douchebag." Nobody seems offended at all by Ferrell's utter lack of talent (46)
(Contact Music) Cool Harrison Ford earns pilot honors from the aviation industry, wastes no time yelling "GET OFF MY PLANE" (18)
(ABC Action News) Amusing Jenny McCarthy only reads playboy "to know what kind of grooming patterns are popular nowadays." (45)
(Starpulse) Stupid In a surprising case of stunt casting, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz to play wannabes on "CSI: New York" (16)
(Comedy Central) Amusing The Bush Years. Jon Stewart's W Impression (74)
(LA Times) Strange Look like Robert Downey Jr.'s blackface performance is set to win him an oscar. Coincidentally, the same week we inaugurate Obama. Not that there's anything weird with that, right? (64)
(Defamer) Obvious Michael Jackson has officially become Rorschach. Hurm (23)
(Starpulse) Interesting 2008 overrated/underrated awards. Mad Men sucks, deal with it (114)
(TV Guide) Stupid For you two "Pushing Daisies" fans, Kristin Chenowith hints there may be a movie coming out to tie up loose ends. In it, she and Anna Friel will run around topless... oh wait, that's submitter's version. Never mind (50)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Capital One issues personalized credit card with Nick Nolte mug shot on it. Q: What's in your wallet? A: A whole lot of fail (85)
(WWTDD) Spiffy Bear Grylls names new child Huckleberry Edward Jocelyne Grylls after constructing him in three hours out of dirt and bamboo while riding a kangaroo across the Himalayas (68)
(io9) Sad "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" going through extensive re-shoots, presumably to add some much-needed ass-kickery. Or more likely, a last minute attempt at salvaging a crapfest (56)
(Wired) Spiffy You had me at "Half-Naked Female Jedis" (25)
(People Magazine) Cool Amanda Bynes has broken up with her boyfriend and is now looking for her dream man, an overweight guy who loves the Internet and has combed the SweeTarts out of his beard (70)
(Wired) Wheaton Old school comics FTW. Wil Wheaton takes the Blue Beetle back to his Silver Age Roots (25)
(UPI) Fail Chevy Chase is returning to television (42)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Amusing BWAHAHAHAHA ... *sniff* Casey Affleck to film documentary on Joaquin Phoenix, actor-turned-rapper (44)
(The Sun) Amusing Skinemax: Princess shows her bare ass, ends up in bed with two men. Miramax: Cartoon princess shows her bare ass, ends up in bed with two men (not safe for work hot cartoon ass) (46)
(NYPost) Sad Cindy McCain wanted to be on "Dancing with the stars", but her old man killed the plan and her dreams (23)
(io9) Fail Edward James Olmos apoligizes for turning down the role of Jean Luc Picard. Fark: He apologizes to Whoopi Goldberg. Ultrafark: On "The View" (82)
(Some Guy) Obvious Keanu Reeves set to star in live-action adaptation of Japanese anime "Cowboy Bebop." Fans say whoa (150)
(Contact Music) Amusing Hustler Films to release porn treatment of Happy Days (60)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Followup Fox and Warner Bros. reach "Watchmen" settlement. Terms of settlement not disclosed, but Warner Bros. said to have huge proctologist bill (43)
(Wired) Spiffy When the director first offered Christian Bale the role of John Conner in the new "Terminator," he replied, "fark off" (48)

Thu January 15, 2009
(Contact Music) Obvious Turns out, Brad Pitt's character in "True Romance" wasn't much of a stretch (47)
(Entertainment Weekly) Misc NBC renews "30 Rock" and "The Office," says it's still commiitted to "Heroes." So "Heroes" probably won't be renewed (62)
(Weblog Awards) Wheaton Congratulations to Wil Wheaton, winner of the 2008 Best Celebrity Blogger Weblog Award (72)
(Starpulse) Sad Diddy gets weepy over film. Surprisingly, it's not "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" (48)
(Stuff) Obvious Kendra Wilkinson says she cheated on Hugh Hefner: "I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it." Oooh, sick burn (89)
(Rolling Stone) Interesting One of the best radio stations in the U.S refuses to play pattycake with The Man, moves to web-only format (101)
(TMZ) Stupid What kind of jackass brings a grenade to an airport? Johnny Knoxville, that's who (44)
(UPI) Spiffy John Mayer is in negotiations to star in a network television variety show, tentativly titled "John Mayer's hidden camera videos of all the hot women he's banged" (36)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Even after 200 years, Edgar Allan Poe's writings are still eerie (63)
(Celebslam) Asinine FCC investigating NBC's telecast of the Golden Globes after 18 of the 14.6 million total viewers called to complain about a middle finger that wasn't blurred. That's .000001 percent of viewers for those keeping score at home (68)
(Starpulse) Interesting Seller of historic Massachusetts general store "wanted to be sure the new owner retained the store's character," so she sold it to Steve Carell, who will maintain his character and probably mock her (16)
(Metro) Silly Big Brother contestant says he's a "man ho" because he set himself targets for how many girls he could sleep with in one day. Subby confused, thought this was just a "man" (19)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Lord Blackadder cleared of blasphemy charges (70)
(BBC) Obvious It was just a matter of time before some Bollywood star criticized Slumdog (26)
(Cinematical) Silly McG wants Will Smith to play Captain Nemo in his "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" prequel (54)
(The Sun) Amusing A donkey show? In my Disneyland? It's more likely than you think. The Sun is there (32)
(Contact Music) Dumbass Benicio Del Toro says Che Guevara was a misunderstood warrior with a bad reputation, just like Batman (88)
(Some Guy) Spiffy UK dental patients pick Casablanca as best movie kiss. In other news, there are UK dental patients  T-Shirt (16)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool "Should Daniel Craig someday retire, I am supporting Kevin James for the next James Bond. " This is why Roger Ebert is the best film critic around (117)
(Variety) Interesting Emily Blunt, come on down - you're the next contestant on "Iron Man 2 Casting Rumors" (20)

Wed January 14, 2009
(Kansas City) Hero "Rescue Me" character believes 9/11 was an inside job ... and so does the actor playing him (168)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Obvious Craig Ferguson: I will beat Jimmy Fallon. Unfortunately, he's not talking literally (39)
(Some Guy) Strange Founder of Bachman-Turner Overdrive searched for Stephen King to discuss Richard Bachman and "Maximum Overdrive" (42)
(FilmDrunk) Hero Fanboys and girls rejoice as Johnny Depp to reprise role as Hunter Thompson, and Keira Knightly and Scarlett Johansson top names for female lead in movie version of Thompson's "Rum Diary" (70)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Fail Lowest-rated "American Idol" premiere ever (154)
(AP) Sad Ricardo Montalban dead at 88. Will be buried in casket of rich Corinthian leather (476)
(Late Night with Goober) Interesting Jimmy Fallon reveals the logo for his new talk show, "Late Night Giggling Suckfest and Awkward Silence Hour, With Jimmy Fallon" (video) (52)
(Independent) Sad By hook or by crook, Number 6 is finally a free man. RIP, Patrick McGoohan (110)
(Washington Post) Cool Rectum? Damn near killed him: Six-part PBS series documents the history of comedy in America, narrated by Amy Sedaris (50)
(LA Times) Sad Sam Jackson says he might be out as Nick Fury. "There seems to be an economic crisis in the Marvel Comics world" (73)
(digital spy) Cool Bruce Willis reportedly interested in "Moonlighting" reunion. Cybill Shepherd interested in anyone paying attention to her, at all (43)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Ryan Seacrest doesn't see anything wrong with high-fiving a blind contestant [w/vid] (86)
(CNN) Stupid Article with headine: "Kevin Costner's Other Career" fails to adequately explain what his first one is (29)
(Some Guy) Misc Battlestar Galactica's props and set pieces to be auctioned off online, including Number Six's red dress. What would a sci-fi nerd want with that? (58)
(Always Watching.org) Spiffy Film critic struggles to find something to like about "The Unborn", settles on a seven-paragraph description of Odette Yustman's ass(Not safe for work language) (63)
(Canoe) Silly Baby name experts applaud Ben Affleck's choice of baby name. In other news, there are baby name experts (43)
(The Sun) Interesting Stan Lee about to unveil the world's first gay superhero. With gay power comes gay responsibility (115)
(CBC) Dumbass Poor, underpaid Hollywood actors to move ahead with strike vote (50)
(BBC) Interesting Jackie Chan to take on role of Mr. Miyagi in upcoming "Karate Kid" remake. Up next: Ben Stiller to be cast as Cobra Kai's sensei. Wacks off (64)
(Starpulse) Fail Not news: Hayden Panettiere kicked out of New York nightclub for being underage. News: she called the police to get her fake ID back. Fark: the cops "negotiated" the return of the ID (73)
(Telegraph) Silly Jonathan Ross promises to use "improbable word" while presenting film awards, which will be a step up from the incomprehensible words he normally uses (11)
(Stuff) Silly Daniel Craig admits to a 'secret' tattoo in an intimate spot (32)
(London Times) Interesting "Slumdog Millionaire is not a million miles away from a form of pornographic voyeurism" (52)
(Canada.com) Amusing Sexual Chocolate and bikinis: Welcome back, American Idol (44)
(Entertainment Weekly) Silly Scott Bakula to co-star with Everybody Loves Raymond in new TV "midlife crisis drama" about aging college buddies. Al frantically trying to get him out of there (67)

Tue January 13, 2009
(Boing Boing) Cool Today's word: "Ambigram." Whatever you think it means, it's even cooler. With an awesome example (67)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Finally, Oprah says something worthwhile that we can all agree on (25)
(Some Phantom Menance) Cool Top Ten Star Wars Moments...from The Simpsons (26)
(Cinematical) Misc Disney job rejection letter, 1938: "Sorry, women do not do any of the creative work." Bonus picture of the Wicked Witch (39)
(CNN) Fail Petersen quitting CSI because they were paying him too much money for too little work. Subby and 11.1 million other Americans have two words for Mr. Petersen (67)
(IMDB) Spiffy Realizing that nothing good ever airs on the networks, TV Guide has dropped listings for The CW and MTV (35)
(Fanbolt) Amusing Bruce Campbell is convinced some Miami do-gooder is going to off him (43)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Sad Fox puts "Prison Break" in permanent solitary confinement, away from the general population (69)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup Alison Sweeney apparently doesn't get the whole Hollywood baby deal. She didn't have twins and chose a conventional name. What? (22)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Amusing "Arrested Development" movie plot revealed kinda (127)
(The Register) Obvious Much like its namesake, ParisHilton.com invaded by trojans over the weekend  T-Shirt (42)
(WWTDD) Scary Apparently Andrew Dice Clay is turning into Jackie Mason (58)
(Entertainment Weekly) Interesting In upcoming episodes of "House," our cranky hero gets to bonk Dr. McCleavage, and Chase and Cameron finally show up and prove they're still alive (74)
(Paste Magazine) Cool Seth rogen to write and star in worst. Episode. Ever of "The Simpsons" (74)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Kevin James claims that stand-up comedy made him fat. Because, you know, when people boo, heckle or just don't laugh at your jokes it makes you depressed, and when you're depressed you tend to eat more (31)
(Celebitchy) Stupid Mickey Rourke erases all the recent love he's been getting from Hollywood and blowing his chance at an Oscar by speaking in favor of President Bush and telling Hollywood libs to STFU (101)
(Jezebel) Amusing Daresay the English are appalled, mortified really, at Kate Winslet's Golden Globes acceptance speeches (44)
(Metro) Stupid If you thought the sequel to Sex and The City couldn't possibly suck as much as the original, Sarah Jessica Parker has a proposition for you (32)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Academy Award winning songwriter accused of playing "You ____ Up My ____" with aspiring actresses he drugged during private auditions (53)
(UGO) Cool Post on 20 minutes of never-before-seen footage of McG's Terminator: Salvation shown last night in NYC. Sounds better than expected (27)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Whoopi gives Ann Couter a stripper beat down on "The View" (194)
(Capital Radio) Amusing So no one is calling in to your TV quiz show, do you A) tell jokes, B) take off your blouse or C) start ranting and destroy your props and set? [w/video] (54)
(Now Magazine) Obvious Kate Bosworth: "I'm taken more seriously as a brunette". Everybody else: "No, we don't take you seriously then, either" (32)
(Some Dalek) Sad Veteran actor John Scott Martin, who appeared in "Erik The Viking", "The Meaning of Life", and "The Wall", as well as over 70 episodes of "Doctor Who", has died at the age of 82 (20)
(Metro) Interesting Vanessa Hudgens may play werewolf in "Twilight" sequel. Sounds like somebody saw those pictures and decided she's hairy enough (97)
(CNN) Sad Heal or No Heal  T-Shirt (67)
(Washington Post) Interesting Six reasons Walt Disney's work belongs in art museums, despite being dismissed by critics as too Mickey Mouse (45)
(Telegraph) Unlikely If you thought "Slumdog Millionaire" and Barack Obama couldn't possibly be connected, guess again (16)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting "300"-style hard-R remake of Kubrick's "Spartacus" in the works for Starz cable network, with undiscovered action star playing Kirk Douglas's iconic slave leader (44)

Mon January 12, 2009
(Miami Herald) Misc Political correctness says it's too soon for comedians to focus on Obama. Lisa Lampanelli disagrees, says Obama just white enough to do a good job and show up to work on time (268)
(NYPost) Scary Mariska Hargitay feeling a bit deflated (58)
(Futon Critic) Stupid Taylor Swift will guest star on an upcoming episode of CSI. Probably as someone who was dumped or cheated on by a boy (56)
(TMZ) Strange Step aside, Benjamin Button. Here's the (not so) curious case of Debbie Harry (47)
(Variety) Followup Warner Brothers and Fox, sittin' in a tree, T-A-L-K-I-N-G. First comes suit, then comes appeal, then comes a final Watchmen deal (42)
(Dallas News) Amusing American Idol sues Austin strip club for having a weekly 'Stripper Idol' (48)
(Gawker) Asinine In response to a sagging ratings, NBC is launching a female-focused "brain trust" featuring Maria Bartiromo, Meredith Vieira and Tori Spelling (31)
(Spike) Cool Top 10 Movie Spoofs of all time. I think they reversed the order (206)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Sad After two years off the air, the return of "24" and the Golden Globes are both whumped in the ratings by "Desperate Housewives" (47)
(iF Magazine) Cool "24's" Tony Almeida explains why he turned bad ... its not just his mean-looking facial hair (155)
(Starpulse) Obvious Five questions Battlestar Galactica's final season needs to answer (110)
(Village Voice) Amusing 1980 "Fantastic Films" Magazine speculates about how awesome "Revenge of the Jedi" is gonna be. Highlight: bounty hunter Boba Fett's name is a clear clue that he's a clone of a woman named "Roberta" (NSFW) (66)
(TVWeek) Ironic Reaching desperately for a lifeline, ABC may revive "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" (24)
(Bitten and Bound) Fail Rene Zellweger wasn't up for an award last night but she may well have taken top honors for the worst look of the evening (72)
(IconCritic) Cool Nine little-known science fiction films to look for in 2009, including yet another Phillip K. Dick story and Bruce Willis as an ass-kicking future cop (105)
(Gawker) Cool All of those internet haters Tina Fey told off last night? Yup, they are real. Careful what you say to the right (160)
(Celebrity Smack) Stupid Danny Bonaduce to take on Jose Canseco in celebrity boxing match. No word on who's bringing the steroids (35)
(io9) Interesting How Superman keeps busy when he's not saving the world(Not safe for work) (29)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Ricky Gervais and Sacha Baron Cohen prove what we've suspected all along: Hollywood hacks wouldn't recognize a funny joke if it bit them on the ass (88)
(Some Guy) Interesting Six truths about creativity. The hard part is writing the headline for Fark because you start thinking about it and then run out of headline charac (31)
(io9) Wheaton The best part of falling for a show is discovering that the actors in it are just as shamelessly fannish as you are, with several Fark favorites (20)
(News.com.au) Spiffy The Stig: unmasked (69)
(Haaretz) Stupid With victory over Israel imminent, Muslim extremists turn to next target: Madonna (17)
(IMDB) Dumbass Not saying this IMDB reviewer is somehow working for anyone... god forbid. But you have to read these reviews... seriously, and good luck with the snickers (59)
(London Times) Spiffy 20 of Britain's top literary ladies finally face reality and give us what we want: a nice big book of sexy stories (8)
(MTV) Misc Danny Elfman to write score for "Terminator: Salvation." The future will be a dead man's party (44)
(Some Guy) Cool Winslet, Rourke, Ledger, and Farrell all receive Golden Globes. Subby thought Winslet already had two (80)
(JSOnline) Obvious It's nothing you didn't already assume, but radio stations that play Christmas music right after Halloween lose listeners (41)

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