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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun January 04, 2009
(Geno's World) Unlikely Playboy model talks about how Verne "Mini Me" Troyer had sex with her 10 times daily and gave her orgasm after orgasm (30)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Ron Weasley, jealous of all the attention Harry Potter's wand has been getting, decides to brandish his own in new independent film "Cherrybomb" (with hot co-star) (21)
(Some Guy) Spiffy For those new to the English language... an exhaustive, line-by-line explanation of all the jokes in "Blazing Saddles" (and we do mean "exhaustive") (65)
(CBC) Strange Ticketmaster starts scalping their own tickets. Help me, Pearl Jam. You're my only hope (24)
(Some Guy) Amusing Clint Eastwood decries the "pussy generation." And don't ask him to be reasonable, he doesn't like it (119)
(Contact Music) Scary Giving credence to the concept that half-baked ideas run in the family, Madonna's daughter wants to pursue an acting career (38)
(Independent) Misc Frank Miller talks about his twenty-year fight with Hollywood. Given box office results of "The Spirit," that battle's not over (59)
(Now Magazine) Obvious Victoria Beckham says she looks like crap in the morning. She's half right (55)
(MSNBC) Followup Viacom says MTV to remain on the air despite ads, programming (38)
(The Earth Times) Interesting Not even Australians are interested in seeing new Nicole Kidman epic 'Australia" as it gets beaten at box office by six other movies, including 'Kung Fu Panda', in its opening weekend in world's largest open-air penal colony (22)
(YouTube) Spiffy New Doctor Who talks about becoming, wow, Doctor Who. "What I did, when I found out I got the role, was I paced around the room for about three days" (52)
(YouTube) Spiffy Death Cab For Cutie perform on The Late Late Show... with a very special guest introduction (47)
(Contact Music) Cool Jennifer Aniston prefers dogs to men. Always illegal, Joey (16)
(London Times) Interesting BBC to focus on the juicy parts in new production of "The Diaries of Anne Frank" (31)
(Japan Times) Hero Japan's hardest-working TV host credits his stamina to exercise, work ethic, and 50-percent beer / 50-percent tomato juice cocktail for breakfast. "I really enjoy alcohol and I'm ready to drink anytime" (16)
(Seattle Times) Strange Discovery Channel teaches grizzly bears to attack hikers for new reality show. Experts, "How about: No" (16)

Sat January 03, 2009
(Wired) Spiffy Bringing together the three great loves of Geeks everywhere.. Fire, Star Wars, and... hot dogs. It's the Weenie Wing Commander (35)
(TMZ) Stupid Sam Shepard still trying to break the sound barrier 25 years after "The Right Stuff" is released (mugshot included) (18)
(Zap2it) Interesting Actress Alex Kingston returns for a guest role on "E.R.," which maddeningly is not dead yet (54)
(Contact Music) Interesting Marilyn Manson sued by keyboardist Madonna Wayne Gacy. The court proceedings is to be overseen by Judge Miley Cyrus Bundy (47)
(Daily Mail) Fail Marvel in wonderment at the seamless magic of the Daily Mail's elite team of genius Photoshop gurus (40)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Interesting New Doctor Who to be announced today. Goodbye, David Tennant - Hello, Paterson Joseph? (199)
(Starpulse) Sad Jack Black and Cloris Leachman will signal the beginning of the end for a popular sitcom by guest starring as an intimate couple. Unfortunately, that show is "The Office" (45)
(AP) Asinine Locklear gets three years probation instead of prison for DUI. Must be nice to be hot (39)
(Yahoo) Interesting Only two percent of Americans do not own a television. And all of them are on Fark, hanging out in the Showbiz tab, acting all superior (90)
(London Times) Spiffy Eddie Izzard does a private show for Mumbai victim in hospital (59)
(The Sun) Cool The model who plays Tomb Raider's Lara Croft is looking for a man. The best part? She wants pics of you (79)

Fri January 02, 2009
(Starpulse) Dumbass Daniel Craig worried about the current state of the world economy; says even movie stars are not immune to its effects. Guess he'll have to tighten his budget to heat that $5.6 million apartment he just bought in London (22)
(NYPost) Sad Submitter guesses that this is the loosest interpretation of the words Teen Idols ever (40)
(Fox News) Spiffy Alanis Morissette loses twenty pounds on diet of fruits and nuts, credits their high irony content (45)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely Israel, you better stop attacking Hamas, because you're making Annie Lennox and Bianca Jagger very cross (254)
(TMZ) Sad John Travolta's son dies (265)
(Celebitchy) Cool Jim Carrey sets up a $50M trust for his girlfriend Jenny McCarthy. That translates to a lifetime of on-demand sex right there (63)
(MSNBC) Amusing Jack Black discovers his Bluegrass DNA (45)
(NJ.com) Cool Ron Moore talks about the final season of Battlestar Galactica (with pic that would make any fan jealous) (85)
(The Sun) Strange As inconspicuous as ever, Michael Jackson hides beneath a gigantic umbrella in a bookstore while researching further camouflage tips -- fails to realise he is not protected from The Sun (29)
(The Sun) Obvious Eva Mendes would like to remind you that she gets all kinds of naked in her new movie, "The Spirit" (100)
(BBC) Sad Bernie Hamilton, who played Captain Dobey in Starsky & Hutch, dies at age of 80. Red hearse with white stripe to lead funeral procession on high speed chase through LA, power slide into cemetery and eject coffin into grave at high speed (17)
(Google) Sad Mystery writer Donald Westlake dies of heart attack at 75......but something seems amiss (20)
(Entertainment Weekly) Spiffy First look at 12 big movies coming in 2009. Looks like another year of slideshows (72)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer turned 40 yesterday. They grow up so fast *sniff* (22)
(Backseat Cuddler) Interesting "Inglourious Basterds" gets a release date (43)
(Hartford Courant) Interesting Home with 40-person hot tub, movie theater, disco, helipad, 18 bedrooms and 37 bathrooms is now $4,100,000.50 off (17)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Britney Spears apparently got rid of her excess weight by hiding it all over K-Fed's chin, neck, stomach, and ankles (28)

Thu January 01, 2009
(Some Guy) Strange Mike Patton to score soundtrack for Crank 2. Strange tag emits a series of guttural screams (66)
(Contact Music) Interesting Celebrity trainwrecks will be a thing of the past as motion picture companies will soon create computer-generated actors indistinguishable from real people. Lindsay Lohan seen checking the classified (55)
(Gigwise) Cool David Bowie: "I would never have any intention of accepting anything like that. I seriously don't know what it's for. It's not what I spent my life working for." Music stars who have snubbed the Queen's honours (48)
(Den Of Geek) Spiffy Top 50 special effect shots of all time. Bonus: all on one page (98)
(SlashFilm) Cool "Back to the Future" to be remade, Bollywood style: "Ravi? Ravi. It's Suroosh - your cousin Suroosh Shankar. You know that new sound you're looking for? Listen to this" (149)
(Yahoo) Spiffy The relationship between Mandy Moore and DJ AM has crashed and burned like a... like a... Damnit, I'm stuck for a good simile here (23)
(Stuff) Obvious Even doctors are advising Angelina Jolie to give the clown car a rest (46)
(The Sun) Amusing Mark Wahlberg just can't control his 11" putts (30)
(Guardian.com) Followup Harold Pinter laid - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - to rest (16)
(AP) Obvious Cloris Leachman to be Rose Bowl Parade Grand Marshall. Thousands of confused Rose Bowl Parade watchers deluge network TV, wondering why they are watching a funeral procession (20)
(Digital Spy) Interesting The Killers' latest album was put together by email. Which explains track 10, 'D1$c0unt Medz', and that song about the chain of coffee shops that refused to give free stuff to 9/11 firefighters (53)

Wed December 31, 2008
(io9) Silly Why "Dark Knight" is really a science fiction film (94)
(Telegraph) Dumbass The BBC has pulled an interview with Sir Paul McCartney in which the former Beatle did a "trans-racial impression" of Michael Jackson which could possibly offend former negro children that have become full grown white women (50)
(AJC) Interesting Nielsen ratings show Fox News tops CNN for the seventh consecutive year. Suck it libs (156)
(Starpulse) Obvious That Jamie Lynn Spears decoy used to distract paparazzi at LAX? Yeah, she didn't know what was going on and now she wants some money (33)
(Daily Mail) Amusing There's crazy, then there's the kinda crazy that scares Puffy - scroll down (51)
(E! Online) Sad Paul Reiser gone the way of Abe Vigoda. Good morning, funnyman (65)
(MSNBC) Dumbass 106 mph still not fast enough to out-run the horrors of "The Flamingo Kid" (25)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Showbiz (details in thread) (69)
(Deceiver) Asinine Mickey Rourke should be ashamed to show his face in public. Also, he said something stupid (51)
(CNN) Followup Kevin Bacon one degree too close to Madoff (37)
(IMDB) Amusing It seems Jennifer Aniston has her year all mapped out (39)
(Cracked) Amusing The eight dumbest sci-fi movie predictions of what the year 2008 would be like (33)
(Stuff) Obvious Sydney underwhelmed by Paris Hilton. Join the club, Syd (19)
(ABC News) Interesting For a second time, a memoir that Oprah endorsed has been revealed to be a fraud. According to several sources, upon learning she'd been duped again, Oprah became enraged and ate the author (41)
(USA Today) Interesting Andrew Lloyd Webber says that in 2009 he'll finish the Phantom of the Opera sequel, "Phantom Two: Electric Boogaloo," which focuses on a caped facially disfigured breakdancer who falls in love with a beautiful woman (28)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Since Fox & Warner Bros. are hell bent on playing tug of war with "Watchmen", enjoy four minutes of mostly new footage from the movie (69)
(MSN) Interesting Viacom threatens to remove MTV from Time Warner faster than MTV removed music from television (140)

Tue December 30, 2008
(Some Thieves) Dumbass While Dane Cook was busy stealing jokes, his manager was busy stealing his money (89)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Gary Coleman repeatedly calls 911, desperate to discover what Willis really was talking about (46)
(Daily Mail) Interesting "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" has the most bloopers out of all the movies of 2008, starting with the decision to make it in the first place (68)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing Wanna own the boat where Henry Fonda and Katharine Hepburn "sucked face?" Didn't think so. But whatever floats your boat (17)
(Los Angeles) Wheaton Wil Wheaton gets Vuxed by his wife (90)
(AP) Interesting New postage stamp series will honor Black and White TV shows. For the youngsters out there, that was when TV was all white and had no blacks (32)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Obvious Director Pascal Laugier promises, PROMISES he won't screw up the remake of Clive Barker's "Hellraiser". The Cenobites wait with bated breath (29)
(Defamer) Weird Because it's Tuesday, here's video of Andy Warhol interviewing Steven Spielberg (14)
(E! Online) Scary Sparkly teen vampires, Hannah Montana, and Kirk Cameron were the best return-on-investments of 2008 (48)
(Contact Music) Interesting Somewhere, some grandmother isn't telling the story of the one time she took a shower with Dustin Hoffman and was joined by Robert Duvall (25)
(Starpulse) Sappy Woody Harrelson marries his girlfriend of 20 years. What is it with guys named Woody marrying asian girls who look decades younger than them? (37)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Terminator goes into Library of Congress December 30th, 2008. Human decisions are removed from selection process. LoC begins to learn at a geometric rate... Well, you know the rest (21)
(Celebitchy) Obvious Ricky Gervais says England is full of self-celebratory losers: "Americans are brought up to believe they can be the next president of the United States. British people are told it won't happen" (67)
(UPI) Interesting Popeye copyright set to expire in Europe. A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah (33)
(MSNBC) Strange Old & busted: Phantom of the Opera. New hotness: Phantom of Coney Island, which does not refer to the homeless guy who silenty grabbed your wallet before jumping onto the D train (19)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Cool Some people say, there's a buck to be made, and you know, it's all in my vault (18)
(Some Guy) Sad Adult film actress Janine Lindemulder sentenced to six months in prison, extended shower scene (94)

Mon December 29, 2008
(Starpulse) Weird Nick Jonas on marriage: "When Joe (his brother) and I lie in our bed and we can't fall asleep because of all the time changes, that's the kind of thing we talk about." How wholesomely, non-threateningly weird of them (62)
(Egotastic) Spiffy Katy Perry put on a green bikini and I liked it (147)
(Fox News) Dumbass Fox News update: "Maria Carey still not pregnant." More as things develop (24)
(Stereogum) Sad Fark you Ben Gibbard, Fark you (52)
(Starpulse) Dumbass Britney Spears' New Year's resolution? To stop biting her nails. Those of you who had "regain custody of her kids" in the pool-- sorry, but you lost (18)
(Yahoo) Obvious Nuking the fridge: The most ridiculous movie moments of 2008 (215)
(Seattle Times) Interesting America's classical music composers flocking to game studios to create scores for top games (65)
(Monsters and Critics) Scary Heath Ledger, who is dead, apologizes to ex-fiance Michelle Williams about the whole being dead thing (87)
(Toronto Star) Dumbass Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffett eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider who sat down beside her and said "yo biatch, I'm Andrew Dice Clay" (44)
(Metro) Amusing Tom Jones crowned "Beard of the Year", just narrowly edging out Miranda Kerr and Katie Holmes (20)
(Daily Mail) Silly Slow news day: Lindsay Lohan goes shopping for underwear. In related news, Lindsay Lohan has apparently started wearing underwear (23)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing The film industry would like movie critic Ben Lyons to take his two thumbs and put them up somewhere (46)
(New York Daily News) Followup Catching up with the original Maverick, Goose, Ice Man, Slider, and the rest of the cast of Top Gun. With bonus Good God what happened to Kelly McGillis pic (91)
(The Sun) Unlikely Tom Cruise says he wants 10 kids. That turkey baster is going to get a hell of a workout (75)
(Daily Mail) Strange Heather Mills' nanny suing her for sex discrimination because she had to administer "naked spray tans", which apparently means Heather Mills has a third leg. Or would that be second leg? Bonus: Hittable nanny pic (26)
(NYPost) Dumbass Sean Combs offers New York a million dollars if they'll make his new vodka "The official vodka of New Year's Eve" and paint the ball purple so people know it's made out of grapes. Diddy seriously think they'd go for it? (56)
(Backseat Cuddler) Stupid Former wrestler Chyna celebrates 36th birthday by OD'ing on alcohol and prescription meds. Thankfully, no homemade porn was recorded (49)
(WOAI) Unlikely Scarlett Johansson: I want to shed my sex symbol status for heavier movie roles. (Lost in) Translation: I'm 24 - ancient by hollywood standards - and I better do something quick to stay in the business (52)
(The Earth Times) Spiffy What recession? Christmas 4-day weekend delivers best holiday box office ever (42)
(The Sun) Amusing While Prince Edward is busy wacking his dog with a stick, Prince Harry is seen on Mauritius island doing beer bongs (7)

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