Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Showbiz Archives for '2008-11-23 23:59:59'

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Sun November 23, 2008

	Gordon Fcking Ramsey is gonna fcking sue a cnt for claiming he had a fcking affair	(9)
(iF Magazine)	"24" producer says "we played a small part" in Obama election victory	(45)
	Hell yeah: Katie Holmes wants to do a remake of "Last Tango in Paris" or "anything sexy with a good story". Hell no: With Tom Cruise	(43)
	PETA decides to focus their contempt and loathing upon... shakes the Magic 8-Ball ... Elizabeth Hurley	(69)
	After a career spanning 50 years, Clint Eastwood decides to leave acting to the younger punks	(65)
(Some wanderer in the 4th dimension)	Doctor Who celebrates 45th anniversary today. Daleks seen heading towards Cardiff	(42)
	The box office weekend isn't even over by the time that a "Twilight" sequel was confirmed	(73)
(Some Guy)	Only a true Batman/comic book fan is going to click 30 times to see the 30 most stupid Batman covers	(59)
	The 7 Most Terrifying Disney Movie Deaths	(71)
	China has banned the new Guns N' Roses album "Chinese Democracy"	(36)
	Carrie Fisher dishes dirt: "Dad ran off with Liz Taylor, Cary Grant lectured me about drugs and George Lucas ruined my life"	(57)
	Since the writer's strike was a success, Hollywood greenlights a sequel: The SAG Strike: Electric Boogaloo	(46)

Sat November 22, 2008

		Step 1: Open checking account with Prince Imran Ibni Tuanku Ja'afar and Datuk Vinod B. Sekhar. Step 2: Tell Bruce Willis he should wire you $2 million to invest in "Green Rubber" because Al Gore is doing it. Step 3: Profit	(46)
		Book autographed to the REAL James Bond to sell for up to $80,000	(4)
		Reese Witherspoon talks about what it's like to be the highest paid actress and the dangers of going outside without wearing orange during deer season	(36)
		Comics fan will no longer have to flip past "Robin", "Nightwing" and "Birds Of Prey" to get to the books they actually want to read	(34)
		The Annual Unsexiest Celebrity List: "Flavor Flav - The clock around your neck has a prettier face"	(73)
		They say he who dies with the most toys wins. Paul Newman's toys will hit the auction block, including airplanes and race cars	(18)
		Hollywood is out of ideas: Eighty-three comics being made into films	(67)
		Britney Spears' manager says she is "getting happier and stronger." Oh, and she's really good at riding unicorns by Gumdrop Lake and having picnics with elves in the Enchanted Forest	(30)
		Aaron Eckhart endorses Angelina Jolie for the role of Catwoman in the next Batman movie. In related news, Eckhart thinks about the future	(84)

Fri November 21, 2008

	Don't call it a comeback. Fred Thompson's been here for years	(27)
	Curse be damned, Terry Gilliam is planning to move ahead with "The Man Who Killed Don Quixote"	(50)
	Jodie Sweetin of "Full House" ditches her husband of 16 months like a bad meth habit. How rude	(56)
	P Diddy to star in CSI Miami in bid to outcool Caruso	(40)
	John Cleese clearly not pining for his soon-to-be ex-wife, goes for a silly walk with something completely different. The Sun is there with something different in a bikini	(52)
	Kiss wonders why they are not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame	(239)
	Taco Bell countersues 50 Cent: Tortilla-wrappers vs. terrible rapper	(18)
	Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their baby son after a beloved fictional character from The Jungle Book. Mowgli has a nice ring	(110)
	Robert Downey Jr.'s interesting scarf choice	(47)
(Some Guy)	You want a reminder of your own mortality? Check out this picture of Randy 'Macho Man' Savage	(153)
	Madonna granted divorce in London. The line forms waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over there	(41)
	50 movie titles that got lost in translation. Starring "Die Hard: Mega Hard", "The Unbelievable Trip In A Wacky Aeroplane", "The Date That Screwed Me" and, ahem, "His Great Device Makes Him Famous"	(61)
	Cheech and Chong's first tour in 30 years. Dave's not there, man	(33)
	Michael Jackson converts to Islam, probably because after his court case there's no other way for him to get 72 virgins	(49)
	"Pushing up Daisies" now officially pushing up daisies	(91)
	Cate Blanchett reveals that the secret to a happy marriage is spooning. Subby would quite happily spoon Cate, but only if the forking was good	(52)

Thu November 20, 2008

	According to the creator of "Heroes", the cause of this season's problems is you	(112)
	You won't catch Jennifer Aniston dancing with the devil but she does like to play a little poker now and again	(37)
	Two ways Guy Ritchie is different than Heather Mills: He is walking away without asking for money	(88)
	Rosie O'Donnell thinks Tina Fey deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, since her Palin impression got Obama elected. She also thinks Keebler should get the Chemistry Prize for its delicious E.L. Fudges	(59)
	Transcript of Web chat with actor, and now best-selling author, Artie Lange. Oddly, he leaves halfway through to order pizza and case of beer	(19)
	Turns out Winona Ryder was hospitalized in the UK because she overdosed on Xanax on the flight over. Maybe because the in-flight movie was one of hers	(31)
	Megan Fox, known for her amazing hotness and weak acting skills, is planning on putting the final nail in the coffin of her career	(101)
(Geno's World)	Pam Anderson asks Barack Obama to castrate child molesters and legalize marijuana	(80)
	Brad Pitt says dating Angelina Jolie was great training for becoming a dad	(16)
	Winona Ryder overdoses on plane. Authorities refused to speculate where she got enough plane to overdose on	(107)
	Ben Affleck tries to draw attention to the plight of people in the Congo, by visiting the violence-plagued area. The only problem is that no one is paying attention to Ben Affleck, so no one will know	(32)
	Boycott of Sundance Film Festival urged as response to passage of California's Prop 8. Because apparently it was all Utah's fault	(96)
	The 10 most disastrous Saturday morning cartoon adaptations	(273)
	Arab Sheikh buys Kylie Minogue for the bargain price of of $2M	(43)
	Paris Hilton: Open for business	(85)
	Hugh Jackman named "sexist man alive", "best porn name"	(245)
	Good vs. Evil. Hamlet vs. Claudius. Sherlock Holmes vs. Professor Moriarty. Batman vs. the Joker. Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote. Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant. And now, we have Gary Busey vs. Jeff Conaway	(42)

Wed November 19, 2008

	That kid from "The Sixth Sense" claims that he's struggling to shake his child star image, which is weird because neither a child nor a star	(89)
(Broadcasting and Cable)	With 6.6 million viewers, some lame-ass ventriloquist has the most-viewed show in Comedy Central's history. At least the record is not held by Carlos "Could I Suck More?" Mencia	(171)
(Some Guy)	Stephen Baldwin breaks millions of hearts by proclaiming he was just joking about leaving the country if Obama was elected	(88)
	David Cook vs. Beyonce: Cook is from Kansas City, but even in his hometown can he beat the leggy songstress? We went a lookin' and the result is laughable	(51)
	Chuck Norris glad California banned gay marriage since he was ready to roundhouse kick it into the middle of the Pacific if it was approved	(443)
(Some Guy)	Tucker Max thinks his unfinished movie can open as well as a movie that hasn't released yet, tests limits of unfounded ego and narcissism	(349)
(Some Pop Eater)	Early reviews for "Valkyrie": "it isn't a thriller at all", Tom Cruise's performance is "unsettling" and "laughable". I am Jack's complete lack of surprise	(107)
	David Hasselhoff says he played a role in the fall of the Berlin Wall, presumably because he desperately wanted to get the cheeseburger on the ground on the other side	(27)
(Geno's World)	Snoop Dogg cooks with Martha Stewart and shows her what a shank is	(26)
	Does my ass look dead in this? The more-than-sartorial suicide of the red shirt in Star Trek	(59)
	Oh Oh AAAAUGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH	(52)
	Why Jason Statham is the planet's purest action movie star. And why he'll never, thank fark, make something like "The Pacifier" or "Jingle All The Way"	(127)

Tue November 18, 2008

(Cripples? In my movie theater?)	British film censors go off the deep end, slapping bizarre "contains disabled people" warning on independent comedy. Next: "Warning, This Spike Lee film may contain black people."	(46)
	Proving that they're still out of ideas, Hollywood gears up for another Nutty Professor	(36)
(iF Magazine)	"24" director/writer says one plot for Season Seven was Jack Bauer turning to the dark side	(45)
	Another day, another "Arrested Development" movie confirmation. This time, Ron Howard	(77)
	Nicole Kidman says she may stop taking all her clothes off in films - or as she calls it, "acting"	(121)
	Country star Mindy McCready wanted Roger Clemens to buy the cow instead of getting the milk for free	(31)
	Another day, another Amy Winehouse drinking binge. With pic that will haunt your dreams	(78)
	Kiefer Sutherland reveals the worst part about his 7-week jail stay: he HAD... TOO... MUCH... TIME	(14)
	Tim Burton apparently became a director so he could dress Johnny Depp in various fetish outfits	(47)
(Some Guy)	Fans gather at "Twilight" premiere hoping to see stars, instead see cast of "Twilight"	(56)
	Michael Jackson says he is "too sick" to travel to London to defend himself in the latest lawsuit against him for ripping off someone who was stupid enough to do business with him	(77)
(Some Guy)	MacGyver voted Top TV Tough Guy after killing Chuck Norris with a paper clip and the hood emblem from a '73 Buick in latest useless MSM top 10 ranking	(118)
	Watchmen answers the "squid or no squid?" question (warning: spoiler in link, probably in thread, too)	(163)
(Some Guy)	After much research, columnist comes to dramatic conclusion that High School Musical is for kids, Grease is for adults; Rizzo, Zuko get Romero's pink slip	(23)
	Star Trek 2009: Trailer, and a few choice quotes from JJ Abrams about how he wants to rape your childhood	(199)
(Some Guy)	A half-naked Megan Fox wants to know if you're ready to die with a smile on your face (pics are not safe for the average workplace)	(126)
	Rumors of the demise of Lipstick Jungle have been greatly exaggerated according to NBC. Brooke Shields fans rejoicing in the streets	(19)
(BILD.com)	Justin Timberlake will do anything to bed Beyoncé - even dance in girl's tights for her (warning: NSFW advertisements in link)	(31)
	Cue the world's smallest violin quartet: Britney Spears calls her new life worse than prison	(62)
	Having already shown her expertise with an exosuit cargo-loader, Sigourney Weaver intends to become a pilot	(16)
	Nicole Kidman touches wood every day to make her marriage to Keith Urban last. We're sure that Keith has absolutely no complaints about this	(15)
	Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz duo set to return in "Paul" The story of 2 British slackers traveling across the United States	(58)
(Some Gurl)	'Bachelor' winner becomes drunken loser. "Would hit it, but no proposal" mugshot included	(10)
	Scarlett Johansson is "flattered" to find out that she inspired the song "I Kissed A Girl". Submitter would love to hear what she thinks of the song he wrote entitled "MOTORBOAT"	(312)
	Fake psychics fooled as Sacha Baron Cohen crashes NBC's "Medium" as character Bruno. Very nice	(33)

Mon November 17, 2008

	You get voted off "Survivor." Do you c) get arrested for smacking woman in a bar and then angrily telling deputies you're famous?	(21)
(Some Guy)	Director named for new horror movie about super-smart monkeys. With weapons training. That's right, gun-toting monkeys	(42)
	Cloris Leachman hospitalized for pneumonia. Horses off in distance neigh loudly everytime the staff references her name	(22)
	George Hamilton tells all in new autobiography. "It's so sad that I parlayed tanning into a career"	(14)
	Producer Daniel Lanois: U2's upcoming album has "reinvented" rock 'n' roll	(105)
	Once considered just a vehicle for giving Mark Harmon a job, "NCIS" has become a ratings success	(89)
(WOAI)	Snoop Dogg's house under threat from CA fires. Thousands rush to get downwind	(35)
	Dame Judi Dench says she's ready to quit the Bond films but they won't let her leave	(42)
	"Jon and Kate Plus 8" criticized for selling out to advertisers, since commerce shouldn't taint a show about a crazy woman and her abused husband who've invited cameras to film their eight small children 24/7	(113)
	Klaatu Barada Nikto: A History. Or was it Klaatu Barada.... necktie? nectar? I'll get back to you	(47)
	NBC pinheads learn that celebrity guest shots don't make up for crappy writing because you kept the show's creator busy doing her Palin thing: "30 Rock" ratings drop like, well, a rock	(57)
	You know the Battlestar Galactica rumor-mill is at full throttle when the "several main characters are gay" rumors start flying	(48)
(Paramount)	New Star Trek Trailer. You'll get over it	(268)
	"The View" is now the number one show on daytime TV, viewed by an average of 4.7 million bon-bon-eating housewives and massively hungover college students	(46)
	75 Comic books in the process of being made into films. Somewhere in the list is the name that will make you hate the world	(215)
	Canadians relieved that "The Office" Winnipeg episode didn't make fun of their easily-made-fun-of country	(60)
	Michael Jackson just can't keep his nose out of trouble - Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa (gesundheit) suing him for $7 million for breach of contract	(98)
	Prince says God is against homosexuality. Yes THAT Prince, the little guy running around in purple suits, wants you to know God is against homosexuality	(383)
	Wallace and Gromit to make triumphant return to British television	(20)
	007 = #1	(126)
	More than a third of "CSI" fans will stop watching once William Petersen takes his magical blue semen-illuminating flashlight and leaves the show	(42)
(NY Observer)	Sarah Silverman to get $2.5 million to write a book about farts, abortions, and boning God	(90)
	What other response could you possibly expect when you complain that a television chef swears too much?	(15)
	USA Network washes its hands of "Monk"	(92)
	Guillermo Del Toro attached to new project, "Pinocchio," in addition to seventy-gazillion other movies keeping him busy until 2033. Someone's nose is growing twigs around this tale	(15)
	Jean Claude Van Damme answers 11 questions for an interview and comes off as creepier than that one uncle your mom wouldn't ever let baby sit you as a kid	(64)
	DC Comics executive editor talks about cancelling long-time Batman series "Nightwing" and "Robin." Oh, and Superman will no longer be a part of "Action Comics"	(51)