Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Showbiz Archives for '2008-10-19 23:59:59'

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Sun October 19, 2008

(JoBlo.com)	Goonies never say die, but they won't be back for another adventure	(29)
	It's not like David Duchovny would cheat on his wife with just any Osmond	(39)
	Halle Berry makes it very clear she doesn't need a man to satisfy her in the bedroom	(55)
	"Max Payne" shoots way to top of weekend box-office, while George W. Bush finally exceeds expectations	(33)
	Sarah Palin's awkward, white-girl-at-nightclub dancing stint on SNL gives the show its biggest rating in 14 years	(144)
(Some Guy)	A half naked anorexic raccoon? Nope, that's Mary Kate Olsen showing off a whole lot of cleavage	(111)
(Geno's World)	Daniel Craig says fans will not have time to breathe while watching James Bond's "Quantum of Solace"	(47)
	Angelina admits she stole Brad from Jen. Obvious tag still wearing "Team Aniston" shirt	(27)
	The new Luxor Las Vegas $100 million Criss Angel / Cirque du Soleil show to be renamed 'Le Suque'; "...is a possibly unsalvageable waste of time and a dead end that literally bored some audience members to sleep"	(24)
	The first rule about Gwyneth Paltrow's ex-boyfriends is that you don't talk about Gwyneth Paltrow's ex-boyfriends	(18)
	1) You marry Madonna 2) You divorce Madonna 3) Madonna gives you $104,000,000 to GTFO	(28)
	Sarah Palin on SNL	(248)
(NYmag)	Gogol Bordello's Eugene Hutz, on taking direction from Madonna and the sexual power of accordions: "If you go to Russia or Brazil, all sexual jokes are about an accordion player"	(42)
	"Soul Train" host Don Cornelius arrested by LAPD for pulling a Wayne Brady	(21)

Sat October 18, 2008

	There's no limit to what they'll spend on bling, vehicles, and entourages...rappers want to give YOU some sound financial advice	(49)
(Some Food Guy)	Bourdain announces new TV show where he conclaves with famous chefs and food writers over round table, eats for free at fabulous restaurants. "I think I come off like a drunk version of John McLaughlin"	(32)
	No wonder Guy Ritchie wanted out: He went 18 months without having sex with his wife, and when he did it was like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle"	(30)
	Kevin Smith: "I've been researching "Zack and Miri" since I was 11. Sometimes three times a day, depending on who was in the house"	(14)
(Some Guy)	Perfume apparently makes Eva Mendes kinda orgasmic	(10)
(Some Guy)	Surprised to read that Terrence Howard would not reprise his role in Iron Man II? So was he... when he read it in the trades. Bonus: two weeks after his mother died	(16)
(Some Guy)	Eight actors with really strange early roles	(47)
(Digital Spy)	"I wasn't dating her - we were working together. We were doing a scene where she had to be naked, so I thought, 'I want to be naked'"	(22)
	"Our Father, who art in heaven... pssst: Mark-- check out my 'Entourage' script... thy kingdom come..."	(14)
(Some Guy)	New comic book will be sequel to "Star Trek: Nemesis" and lead directly into upcoming movie. No word if Picard will still drive a dune buggy	(68)
	Tina Fey gives away secret on Palin impersonation: just sound like you come from Northern Minnesota	(48)
	Berkeley Breathed likes turtles, hates penguins	(44)
	Your phone rings: "Hello, I want to play a game. In a few seconds you will have an opportunity to plead for the life of your friend. Think hard, every word counts. His life is in your hands. Let the game begin"	(46)
	The Lifetime network knows its viewers, which is why sap-laden shows featuring chiseled hunks who save soccer moms from breast cancer get picked up there	(18)
	10 Greatest Halloween specials of all time	(22)
	Sarah Connor Chronicles gets full season pickup. Suck it, Firefly fans	(50)
	Deranged glamour model Jodie Marsh believes having a hot babe tattooed on her arm will make her more attractive. Hey, it worked so well for Amy Winehouse	(32)
	Haitian slum children wish Happy Birthday to rapper Wyclef Jean, who is still trying to find a word that rhymes with "tuberculosis" for a new song he's writing about his trip	(12)
	Just when you thought it was safe to celebrate Orlando Bloom's absence from a fourth "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie, Disney bosses want Zac Efron to replace Johnny Depp as the franchise's star	(67)
	Jack Nicholson mourns the loss of his favorite waitress, calls for a 21-hold-chicken-between-your-knees salute	(18)
	WSJ columnist tears David Letterman a new one	(93)

Fri October 17, 2008

	Charles Bukowski releases "Portions From a Wine-Stained Notebook" from beyond the grave, a collection of essays and stories from lit journals and porn mags. Further proof that you can't keep a good drunk down	(39)
	The biggest Broadway hit next year: "You're Welcome America. A Final Night With George W Bush", starring Will Ferrell	(25)
	"Actually, this idea to put 'The Odyssey' in space sounds awful." "You're right, let's get Brad Pitt to star"	(45)
(Outside)	Ted Nugent channels Spinal Tap's "sexy/sexist" bit in interview with such gems as "wipe the foam off Old Yeller," "funnier than Richard Pryor on fire," and "I killed 127 deer last year-they had to die"	(77)
(Time Out NY)	Don Rickles wants you to know there'll be no "Kelly's Heroes" sequel because he's too big a celebrity now	(45)
(Some Guy)	Young Spock says new "Star Trek" will be big if Obama is elected President, while Old Spock complains movie should have come out before the election. How illogical	(55)
	Kevin Smith announces new science fiction comedy. Potential plotlines include couple of innocent workers aboard Death Star complaining they weren't even supposed to be here today	(61)
	The Boston Globe's Top 50 Scary Movies - #47, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory	(141)
	Guy Ritchie says Madonna is obsessed with her image and things started going bad around the time he told her that a lot of her Kabbalah religion is hokum	(85)
	It's a day of celebration for the guild of cameramen with Parkinson's, as Universal announces plans for a fourth Bourne movie	(52)
	In honor of George Wendt's birthday today, enjoy these "Normisms" from Cheers	(78)
	Mike Judge turns 45. Was boy who ain't right, is now old man obsessed with his grass. Heh heh, subby said gr-ass	(74)
(Some Guy)	Why James Bond could never go ginger: "They made a big enough fuss about Daniel being blond; can you imagine if he was a redhead? It would be major insurrection"	(44)
(BLOCKBUSTER BUZZ)	Watchmen: How a 23-year old comic became the fastest selling book in the Western World	(105)
(Latinoreview)	Tim Burton disses Disney's Alice in Wonderland and discusses his own version, Dark Knight and Beetlejuice: "I just remember that feeling every day: 'Wow, they're letting me make this, which is really weird'"	(40)
(Some Guy)	Defunct "Star Trek: The Experience" may move to location where no tourist has gone before: downtown Vegas	(29)
	Sarah Palin's appearance on SNL that was confirmed, then unconfirmed, is now confirmed again for the moment	(56)

Thu October 16, 2008

	No He-Man movie coming anytime soon. Sorry to the dozen fans out there	(23)
	Roger Ebert reviews movie so awful that he could only stand it for 8 minutes before walking out. Surprisingly, it's not Beverly Hills Chihuahua	(101)
	Little House on the Prairie museum being sued over trademark infrOHMYGOD LOOK AT MELISSA GILBERT'S RACK	(99)
	Steven Soderbergh casts porn star Sasha Grey in new film. David Cronenberg set to cast an '88 Toyota Celica	(65)
	Tom Cruise is the new Abe Vigoda	(29)
	Orlando Sentinel investigates the most pressing issue in the Caylee Anthony mystery: Who to cast in the movie?	(9)
	Rhona Mitra Rumored As Catwoman In Batman 3	(65)
	Game show host Jack Narz fails to Beat The Clock, dies at 85	(13)
(Some Guy)	The Axl Rose Band, aka Guns N' Roses, reveals cover art for Chinese Democracy. Safe to say they weren't working on this for 13 years	(79)
	"Pushing Daisies" and "Life" among shows at risk of cancellation. Yet "Knight Rider" is doin' fine	(107)
	Top 10 scariest made-for-TV movies	(149)
	"You need to calm down, you're going to get your boobs all angry and they're going to start killing everyone"	(29)
	Talk show hosts make fun of both candidates equally. Just kidding, they skewer McCain at seven times the rate they make fun of Obama	(166)
	Stephen Baldwin had a farm, E-I-E-I-O, and on this farm he boxed Obama, bada bing, bada bing, bang, boom	(36)
	Teenage Head lead singer Frankie Venom has joined the great punk band in the sky... Lucy Potato wept	(35)
(Spinner)	"(The Grateful Dead) were just a bunch of spaced-out, balding junkies with two songs they managed to spread out over four hours as a scam to sell tie-dyed T-shirts"	(161)
	If you thought the stock market corrections and credit fiasco weren't enough to foretell the End of Days, Britney Spears has her second #1 single after "Baby One More Time"	(104)
(Some Guy)	Britney Spears is so unsure of her walking abilities, she carries a portable airbag on her forehead for safety	(13)
(Some Guy)	The Top 5 Dr. Horrible Evil League of Evil applications: brought to you by the people who have too much free time on their hands	(43)
	Oh, he's seen fire and he's seen rain. He's seen a whole lotta ire from the side of John McCain. He's seen lots of morans who just won't get a brain. But he hopes to see Obama again	(28)
	Robbie Williams wants to have babies with ultra-hot "Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip" actress Ayda Field. Join the queue	(18)
	U.S. Supreme Court chooses immunity idol, refuses to hear ground-breaking Naked Survivor Guy vs. IRS appeal	(34)
(NineMSN)	Sex addict Duchovny splits with wife, sexy text messages from Billy Bob Thornton involved	(82)
	D.L. Hughley to host show on CNN. Still waiting on "Extreme Home Makeover: Carrot Top" and "Cooking with Gallagher"	(22)

Wed October 15, 2008

	Jim Henson Co. dumps the kiddies for new adult-oriented Muppet film noir. Rizzo the Rat prepares for breakthrough role	(57)
	First look at bridge of new U.S.S. Enterprise. Thank Q, the miniskirts are back	(132)
(Billboard)	Britney Spears now stable enough to be transported on U.S. highways (starts touring in the spring)	(22)
	'Zack and Miri Make a Porno' ads dropped by FOX because they contain the word 'porno.' Boner juice ads still okay	(51)
	The top seven worst albums by otherwise great artists. Submitter agrees with most of the list, but No. 3 makes him feel very stabby	(280)
	Iron Maiden's "Eddie" adopted by Spanish socialists who have wasted years running free, hope to send opponents to purgatory, or at least make them run to the hills	(31)
	Christina Aguilera hits the red carpet in an outfit that's a round rubber nose away from the one worn by the guy who twisted balloons at your kid's birthday party (pic)	(81)
	Holly Madison is a study in contrasts. She's a bowling alley bimbo one moment and red carpet hot the next. Amazing	(44)
	British Library acquires "major" Ted Hughes archives including letters, manuscripts, unpublished poems and an oven that was only ever used by wife Sylvia Plath once	(46)
	Creating a huge vortex of suck that threatens to engulf us all, Lance Bass shows up at a NKOTB concert	(19)
	Lindsay Lohan's rep insists she isn't splitting from Samantha Ronson. This be the same rep who claimed they weren't dating as late as last week. Guess those magazine deals must have been drying up	(22)
	Don't you... forget about these: The 80 best movie songs from the 1980s	(138)
	Edward Norton, you sure were a dick at Vons	(53)
	Elton John is writing a film musical about AIDS to star Ben Stiller. "The premise doesn't sound funny, but it is"	(35)
	"But if you hear just one prayer from me, let it be that Heidi Montag's womb is empty. I'm not ready for Armageddon"	(21)
	Na na, na na na na na na Dead Man	(47)
	Madonna: "I'm leaving you, Guy." Guy: "I'm not your Guy, friend." Madonna: "I'm not your friend, buddy." Guy: "I'm not your buddy, biatch"	(165)
	NBC developing 100 percent green screen "Jason and the Argonauts" remake. Anybody want to watch an epic sea voyage without real water?	(35)
(Some Guy)	Stephen King and Peter Straub's epic "The Talisman" to be adapted as comic book series. No word yet on Pog form	(42)

Tue October 14, 2008

		Noting that their Palin sketches had twice as many online viewers as TV viewers, "Saturday Night Live" to launch separate website containing archives of old and never-shown sketches to maximize their suck	(31)
		Ryan Gosling may be the next Green Lantern. Subby still waiting for Vinny Chase and Aquaman 2	(45)
		Trekkies probably already lining up in front of multiplexes for latest 007 flick	(30)
		Release of "W": Before the election. Release of a pro-McCain movie: Mothballed until after the election. Hollywood still pretending both flicks are pure art with no political intent: Priceless	(160)
		Film that planned to highlight social problems in grim suburbs surrounding Paris canceled after youths with social problems in grim suburbs surrounding Paris torch production cars and threaten crew	(164)
		Jay-Z now available for your kid's birthday party for only $10K. That's almost 70 percent off his normal rate	(101)
		Jennifer Aniston caught kissing John Mayer again. Desperate times call for desperate measures	(36)
		Prince plays rooftop gig and orders the crowd to turn off their cell phones because they're interfering with his sound system, crowd tells Prince to get back	(48)
		An actor who played a godfather in the new Mafia movie "Gomorrah" is among seven people arrested in a police crackdown on the Mafia. Talk about method acting	(8)
		Apparently, we're too old for this "Lethal Weapon 5" shiat	(30)
		Michael Strahan appears on NBC's "Chuck." Show uses fish-eye lens to capture full scope of gap in teeth. (Seriously)	(29)
		Hollywood rediscovers women (okay, one woman so far) with actual curves. Alert your father and grandfathers to the old-school yumminess of Christina Hendricks	(240)
		DiCaprio and Crowe's "Body of Lies" unable to beat "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," which means you'll see fewer movies being built around big stars. "This isn't movie fatigue. This is movie star fatigue"	(54)
		The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame designates the last venue played by Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens as an official U.S. rock 'n' roll landmark	(37)
		If we ban this show just because the characters share your name, Mr. Grumpy, then we'd have to ban "The Simpsons," "The Waltons," and for all I know, "Buck freakin' Rogers"	(30)
		Daniel Craig did his homework for his portrayal of James Bond in "Quantum of Solace"... by meeting real-life assassins who apparently never saw his performance in "Layer Cake"	(39)
		Prince Charles offered a role in Dr Who. Ears may be too large for Cyberman helmet	(7)
		Remember when Terrence Howard looked at the War Machine suit and said "Next time" in "Iron Man"? There won't be a next time for him, since Don Cheadle will be replacing him in the sequel	(86)
		Jessica Simpson laughs off engagement rumors, multisyllabic words	(14)
		Michael Douglas might return as Gordon Gekko in "Wall Street II: Electric Greedaloo"	(18)
		Sharon Osbourne slams Nicole Kidman: "She has a forehead 'like a flat screen TV'"	(37)
		The Don Johnson show "Nash Bridges" was inspired by... Hunter S. Thompson?	(17)

Mon October 13, 2008

	J.J. Abrams says resolution of "Lost" bears "just a vague resemblance to what we decided when we first started doing the show"	(50)
	Marcia Brady is now 52 years old. Shoot me now	(35)
	Mon Dieu --- Guillaume Depardieu, son of Gerard, dies of pneumonia at age 37	(23)
	Writer talks "Superman and Batman vs. Vampires and Werewolves." "Not subtle"	(23)
	Best Buy is offering a special edition of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which will include a replica crystal skull to keep displayed on your mantle. Or if you want to keep it really safe, in the fridge	(29)
	"You can't dye chest hair and no one wants to see a grey chest, do they?"	(21)
	Christian Slater's "My Own Worst Enemy" is getting wildly mixed reviews. It's almost as if critics are watching two different people	(36)
	The top 10 most overrated hot chicks	(136)
	Tina Fey thinks playing Sarah Palin on SNL for four years would be a waste of her time, sort of like watching the real Sarah Palin in a debate	(75)
(/Film)	Movie stills showcase Captain America's "appearance" in "The Incredible Hulk" DVD. Brings new meaning to "freeze frame"	(88)
	With Halloween just around the corner, here are 15 thespians that will not need a costume to be creepy	(55)
	"I'm the plastic surgery king. I'm a bionic man. Every part of my body has been scooped or something at one time"	(37)
	Hello Grammys... Hugh Laurie SINGS	(39)
	UK theme park to launch "Saw - The Ride" based on the hit film franchise. Ride will start off fresh and exciting, but then get gradually more predictable with a few absurd twists thrown in at the end	(27)
	♫ Cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel, cancel chameleon ♫ You axed the show ♫ You axed the shoooooow ♫	(22)
	Roger Moore would have rather been one of James Bond's enemies: "They had wonderful speeches... Bond just listens but doesn't really get to say anything"	(12)
	Angelina Jolie wants son Maddox to learn how to handle a knife -- just like mommy	(26)
(Some Guy)	Ridley Scott announces his long-awaited sci-fi followup to "Alien" and "Blade Runner." It's not "Brave New World" after all	(68)
(Some Stabby Spice Guy)	Crazed man threatens Spice Girl's family. Family relieved that it was with a knife, and not with a Spice Girls CD	(4)
	You know, God, I've been praying for a movie idea myself, and you've stiffed me. Well, I'll show you: "Charlie's Angels 3"	(21)
(Some Guy)	The top 10 actors who played themselves. Paychecks just don't come any easier	(85)
	Doctor Who producer calls the Prince of Wales a "miserable swine" for not guest-starring on his show -- and don't even get him started about Charles' horse	(18)
	It's been 66 years since Bambi's mom was shot and people are still crying over it	(46)
	Old Polish Jew, who passed story of "Schindler's List" to author Thomas Keneally, once told Steven Spielberg to "stop playing around with dinosaurs" and make the damn movie already	(34)