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Sun September 28, 2008
(Daily Stab) Spiffy George Clooney to Johnny Depp: "Yes, Tonto, I am... the Lone Ranger." (37)
(Now Magazine) Amusing "You get good nights. And you get nights when you have to think, well, I don't want to not have sex, because at breakfast the sound man and the tour manager will think I'm a failure" (15)
(Some Guy) Sad Disney's amusement park isn't the "Happiest Place on Earth" unless one is Miley Cyrus or one of her entourage (38)
(NYmag) Video Bill Murray's appearance at Fantastic Fest, discussing his involvement in Ghostbusters 3, now that "the wounds of Ghostbusters 2 have healed": "I found myself walking down Fifth Avenue singing the song" (48)
(Bitten and Bound) Sad Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora are hell bent to lose custody of their daughter (22)
(ABC News) Weird Twenty years ago, a traditional American family - husband, wife, three children, a dog and a cat - made their debut on national television. Oh, and did we mention they are yellow? As in bright yellow? And they've never aged? (91)
(NYPost) Interesting Sean Penn texts ex-wife Madonna after filming a kissing scene with James Franco; "I just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I don't know why." (37)
(Onion AV Club) Unlikely "In the history of marital discord in the movies, has there ever been a blander conflict than the one between firefighter Kirk Cameron and his goodly wife Erin Bethea in the dismal Christian-themed melodrama 'Fireproof?'" (64)
(People Magazine) Sad It's a dark day for Farkers everywhere. Scarlett Johansson has gotten married (257)
(YouTube) Amusing Craig Ferguson: "I am not the Democrats' biatch" (37)
(News Of The World) Dumbass "I turned Megan Fox lesbian". Sadly not submitter, this guy wielding a large hose (54)

Sat September 27, 2008
(Starpulse) Interesting If Obama is elected president, Stan Lee wants to make Will Smith the first black Captain America, which is slated for 2011: "If Barack Obama becomes President who knows... suddenly a lot of our characters will be black" (88)
(News Of The World) Spiffy Armed & Famous really rubbed off on Jack Osbourne, he chased down a mugger and put him in an armlock until cops arrived (33)
(Daily Mail) Strange High heels... without heels. Subby hopes this doesn't catch on (55)
(Gawker) Spiffy "Dirty Jobs" host Mike Rowe picked most likely to receive... wood (46)
(Gawker) Amusing An unfortunate arrangement of subway posters (19)
(Yahoo) Obvious Fox cans another show after just three episodes. Won't anyone think of the washed up actors? (60)
(Yahoo) Strange And the Oscar-hosting job goes to... Ricky Gervais? (40)
(Sun Sentinel) Scary They're here: the first list of scary movies you'll see for Halloween this year (72)
(Mercury News) NewsFlash Shufflin' off the mortal coil, boss. Paul Newman dead at 83 (609)
(CSMonitor) Interesting Spike Lee's new movie gets mostly good reviews, except from Reggie Miller, who was sitting in the front row, heckling, wearing a "Citizen Kane" sweatshirt and throwing popcorn at the screen (32)
(NYPost) Followup CBS News upset that Letterman hijacked their news feed of McCain getting made up. "If we had done something like that to him, someone around here would end up getting fired" (109)
(Starpulse) Obvious Kelsey Grammer blames tossed salads and scrambled eggs for his heart attack (25)

Fri September 26, 2008
(Gigwise.com) Scary Skeletor attacks unsuspecting crowd in London (40)
(London Times) Interesting Kiefer Sutherland: how prison changed me. After dropping soap in the shower: "It was at that point I decided that soap was overrated" (25)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Spiffy It was as if a million cylcons cryed out in fear and were suddenly silenced . . . BSG actor screws the pooch and possibly spoils midseason preimere (warning: possible spoilers) (47)
(Some Guy) Cool Anne Hathaway on buttsecks: "Every woman should try it, otherwise they miss out on something amazing" (211)
(Celebitchy) Dumbass Ryan O'Neal bought drugs for his son, who's been to rehab 12 times, and hired hookers for him. But rest assured: When it came time for his son to smoke crystal, as opposed to snorting it, that's when he put his foot down (13)
(Telegraph) Amusing Baron Cohen managed to convince backstage fashionistas at the Milan Fashion Week that his Darth Vader fru-fru pom-pom look was one of the catwalk line-ups (19)
(CNN) Stupid Need to publish an article about a boring, no-name singer? Throw a well-known celebrity's name in the headline since he mentioned him one time in the interview (11)
(LA Times) Sad Another "Our Gang" member you don't remember, creator of court-ordered 12-step programs, has died (26)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Brutal Thursday: All six season premieres return to lower ratings. Jeff Probst and Katherine Heigl to be whipped in Burbank town square (51)
(Some Guy) Strange 41% of movie tickets being sold on Fandango right now are for Kirk Cameron's new movie. Wait, what? (73)
(WTAM) Spiffy Bogey and Bacall. Hepburn and Tracy. Burns and Allen. Lopez And Gosselaar? (44)
(Now Magazine) Cool Megan Fox to play mermaid in new movie. "Several writers have been brought aboard to revamp the script as a vehicle for Megan...There will be a lot of bikini shots for her" (73)
(New Scientist) Obvious Tobacco companies paid stars to smoke on TV and movies as part of secret advertising deals decades ago. This story brought to you by Lucky Strike cigarettes, with that sweet, soothing flavour (60)
(NYPost) Fail Joan & Melissa Rivers can't understand why AOL canned their Emmy commentary shtick, like such as Tom Hanks' Nazi hair and Julia Louis-Dreyfus' Hitler mustache. Bonus: Joan refers to AOL as Holocaust deniers (39)
(Time) Interesting Ten questions for Mario Batali, unfortunately doesn't get to asking why he wears those uglyass crocs (43)
(Some Guy) Obvious George Romero begins work on new zombie movie, "Island of the Dead." It's like Jurassic Park but with zombies (62)
(wkfs) Interesting Shia LaBeouf won't go to jail for DUI. Having that name is punishment enough (17)
(The Sun) Amusing Which breasts shown on TV are a turn-on, and which are a turn-off? The Sun is there to answer this perplexing question with a slideshow (129)
(Showbiz Spy) Spiffy Dita Von Teese wants to give Victoria Beckham sexy dance lessons. No word if David gets to watch (30)

Thu September 25, 2008
(Daily Mail) Asinine J-Lo's most famous asset may be shrinking, butt have no fear that the media will get to the bottom of this (11)
(ABC News) Interesting A look at the secret internet identities of Hollywood stars. Rumour has it some extra from Star Trek hangs around here acting like a nerd (41)
(AP) Obvious Artist's portrait of Paris Hilton made entirely of porn. Much like her career (23)
(Reuters) Interesting Extremely rare footage of Marilyn Monroe sells for $14,700. Footage apparently shows her sober, speaking coherently (9)
(Fox News) Cool Beatlejews (29)
(AP) Dumbass David Blaine didn't like his latest stunt, which now makes it unanimous (40)
(Some Guy) Sad Contract Killings: Characters that have been killed off TV series due to salary disputes (40)
(People Magazine) Amusing Kid Rock eloquently explains why he avoids Pam Anderson: "I touched stove, stove was hot, I think I not touch stove anymore" (23)
(Showbiz Spy) Unlikely Oliver Stone insists his "W" biopic is not a "Hatchet job" and wants viewers to see both sides of the U.S. president: "You're going to like him, and at the same time, you're going to be horrified" (30)
(Orlando Sentinel) Silly Homer Simpson is voting for Obama. Kodos furiously waving tentacles (33)
(Florida Today) Florida Disney World to open 100-lane bowling alley; first person to enter "M. MOUSE" in the scorekeeping machine will be used as a bumper on Lane 37 (66)
(AP) Strange OJ reconciles with sports memorabilia dealer he is accused of robbing. OJ says memorabilia is cutthroat business, hopes there's no bad blood, considers issue dead (45)
(Jezebel) Cool Funniest cover in the history of Entertainment Weekly (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting A slew of unnecessary, stupid 80's remakes are coming, such as "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels","Red Dawn", "Robocop" and "Poltergeist." Wait a minute...Red Dawn? That's awesome (93)
(Starpulse) Amusing John Cusack told movie producers he won't be working on days of Cubs playoff games, which means he'll be back to work by mid-October. (Ironically, his new film is about natural disasters) (22)
(io9) Cool There's nothing in the fan boy universe much cooler than a poster of Princess Leia in the style of Patrick Nagel (pic) (50)
(Spike) Interesting The 10 worst songs that hit #1 (188)
(Some Guy) Interesting Kid Rock creates his own beer that "is a reflection of great American rock-and-roll music and the American spirit". So it'll taste like Aqua Net, sweaty pleather, and deep-fried trinkies (37)
(LA Times) Spiffy Spike Lee: "I've wanted to make a World War II film since I wanted to be a filmmaker. Everything I have done up to this point has prepared me to make something this epic in size and scope" (65)
(Comic Book Movie) Amusing "My mother will look up and shout: 'Do you want me to pick you up?' And I will whisper, 'No.'" -- Rorschach pickets FOX headquarters over Watchmen film (57)
(Some Guy) Weird Still in need of cash money, Ed McMahon enters the lucrative world of gangsta rap (9)
(BBC) Misc UK to Busta Rhymes: "WOO HAH got yo ass in check" (8)
(NYPost) Obvious Attention waiters & busboys: Drew Barrymore is in heat (27)
(/Film) Obvious Depp in Pirates 4. Depp in The Lone Ranger. Depp in Alice in Wonderland. How much Depp is too much Depp? Depp (65)
(Media Morgue) Amusing I Am Prequel: Will Smith tries to recover from the horror that was Hancock and signs up for another mutant zombie movie (73)
(AskMen) Spiffy Cheryl Tiegs turns 61 today, is still hot enough to make your shorts illustrated (18)
(Telegraph) Sad With the Playboy empire in financial trouble, Hugh Hefner will be forced to lay off staff, which is only one word away from the traditional situation (44)
(Some Guy) Cool Comics legend Frank Quitely talks Wasted, All Star Superman, New X-Men, We3, Alan Grant and loads more (16)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Actress Holly Valance: "They're not cute; they bite you, box you and leave" (34)
(AP) Misc Judge says it would be unfair to allow jurors to hear that O.J. Simpson had once been accused of killing his ex-wife. So keep it a secret (13)
(Now Magazine) Cool Good news, boys: Natalie Portman is single again (64)
(Some Guy) Amusing The top 10 exploding people in the movies (53)
(YouTube) Cool Mark Hamill is 57 today. Check out his Star Wars audition tape (with bonus Harrison Ford) (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting Bette Midler quits touring to help save the planet, noise pollution (16)
(Telegraph) Cool 50 Greatest villans in literature (137)
(National Post) Obvious The Eiffel Tower is visible from every window in Paris, a batter at the plate can always spot his girlfriend in the stands at sold-out Yankee Stadium, and the best way to calm a hysterical women is to slap her in the face. Movie Wisdom 101 (146)
(Slate) Obvious The new "Knight Rider" is so God-awful that not even an awkward, pedophilia-subtext-laden "thumbs-up" photo op with a prepubescent Gary Coleman can save it (66)

Wed September 24, 2008
(Coming Soon) Obvious It's official, Johnny Depp will play the "Mad Hatter" in Tim Burton's next abortion...er, remake of "Alice In Wonderland" (70)
(The New York Times) Interesting Letterman rips on McCain for cancelling debate, suggests Palin step in. "This isn't the way a tested hero behaves." (324)
(Telegraph) Obvious Russia now aims to ban "Family Guy" and "The Simpsons," which is causing moral decay amongst their youth and violate their rights as children. To be replaced with programs teaching them patriotism and family values (40)
(Boston Herald) Misc Guy who used to think he was too scholarly to read Stephen King now admits the Master of Horror writes actual literature. M-O-O-N, that spells respect (64)
(People Magazine) Stupid Nick Hogan, son of Hulk, could get out prison early for good behavior. Taking a cue from OJ, he vows to spend his time searching for the other half of his friend's head (24)
(Variety) Spiffy Lifetime network pays $82.5 million to air repeats of "How I Met Your Mother," which is odd, because none of the women on the show are in peril (43)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Amusing Fan to Roger Ebert: "Y U not review this movie?" Ebert to fan: "Hey, bro, I wuz buzier than $#i+, @d they never shoed it b4 hand" (121)
(Examiner) Amusing Six things you can learn from watching 'Dora The Explorer." Surprisingly, none of them are "life has no meaning." (51)
(Starpulse) Sappy Jenna Jameson confirms twins rumors and is very excited, although it's not the first time she's had two people inside her at the same time (72)
(Jossip) Amusing Kirsten Dunst's snaggleteeth miraculously disappear from the cover of Harper's Bazaar magazine. Maybe she left them at rehab (pics) (38)
(USA Today) Interesting There are 16 gay and bisexual regular characters in prime-time series this fall. Why does TV hate America? (82)
(NYPost) Obvious If you don't want to get photographed topless wearing a mermaid costume, don't go to P. Diddy's party topless wearing a mermaid costume (picture in link is not safe for most workplaces--click at your own risk) (38)
(AP) Sad Michael Douglas responds to questions about the economic situation: "And my name is not Gordon. He's a character I played 20 years ago" (30)
(Now Magazine) Amusing From the "Could this couple become any more dull?" file: Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal hire dog shrink (20)
(film.com) Interesting The worst sequels ever: We're going to need a bigger list (113)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup Nicole Kidman says it was the 'fertility water' that got her pregnant. Keith Urban reevaluating his parental standing (17)
(Showbiz Spy) Amusing Madonna's entire stock of towels have been seized by Eastern European border guards: "People in Montenegro just aren't used to spending that much on a towel" (12)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool Best and worst fall TV ads snarkily graded. "Cool" tag for "Sarah Connor Chronicles" beats "Fail" tag for a horrid "America's Next Top Model" ad (20)
(MSNBC) Scary "The Da Vinci Code" inspires stabbing. Unfortunately, the victim is not Dan Brown (19)
(Yahoo) Obvious Ted McGinley is on Dancing with The Stars, so by rule it has jumped the shark. Now if we can only get him to appear on American Idol, Survivor, America's Got Talent (33)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Nicolas Cage all set to ruin "Astro Boy" for fall 2009, with his perfect sleep-inducing monotone as the voice of the main character in the upcoming animated feature (26)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass David Blaine still hanging upside down. Unless you catch him during one of his 10-minute hourly breaks, where he drinks water, pees, and gets checked by a doc (66)
(Time) Asinine In our latest installment of The Whoring of American Youth, Harper-Collins plans a series of "Sex and the City" prequel books for teens, even though it'll be redundant for girls whose fathers already bought them a pony (38)
(Variety) Cool American Psycho is on its way to Broadway. Which means that 'Sussudio' will finally be the show stopping musical number it always deserved to be (54)
(MSNBC) Silly Kirk Cameron refuses to kiss anyone but his wife, so filmmakers dressed her up like the lead actress for new movie (171)
(Showbiz Spy) Spiffy Kate Hudson: "I like to prepare for love scenes with lots of rehearsal". Where's the "giggity" tag when we need it? (41)
(Some Guy) Cool 9 Life Lessons Every Guy Can Learn From Goodfellas, now go home and get your farkin' shinebox (text includes profanity) (59)
(Telegraph) Obvious 'I'm the worst James Bond' says Roger Moore (92)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Stupid Realizing that without Paul McCartney that her career has no legs, Heather Mills to star in a documentary to repair her image (17)
(Starpulse) Obvious They tried to make Amy Winehouse's husband go to rehab, but he has finally had enough of that damn song (7)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Thandie Newton calls Madonna a "truly gifted" actress, will be tested for drug abuse right away (22)

Tue September 23, 2008
(Starpulse) Stupid "Hello there. I would like to take this time to inform you that my moniker happens to be James Bond" (40)
(CNN) Obvious Twenty-four-year-old author of "Eragon" still lives with his parents, and spends his free time making chain mail armor. "His chalky skin betrays the significant time he spends indoors" (72)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Obvious News flash of the day: Clay Aiken announces he's gay (158)
(MSNBC) Followup Lohan finally admits she's dating some chick that looks like a 15-year-old guy on meth (74)
(Fox News) Stupid Meg Ryan: "I had an affair with Russell Crowe, but that had nothing to do with my marriage breaking up. Dennis Quaid cheated first-- it's all his fault... even though I didn't find out about it until after the divorce" (72)
(Contact Music) Obvious Denis Leary says he was "offended" at how unfunny Emmy hosts were -- and if there's one thing Denis Leary knows, it's about not being funny (107)
(TMZ) Followup TMZ to Miley re: Miley to TMZ via MTV: GMAB UR H8N ON EMILY. GL/HF (55)
(LA Times) Interesting "9 to 5: The Musical" is both the title of a new Broadway show and the expected number of performances (33)
(Contact Music) Obvious Michael Bolton plans to sell his Connecticut estate, will find it difficult to get a buyer outside of the "no-talent ass-clown" demographic (37)
(CNN) NewsFlash Abe Vigoda is still alive. It's not news, it's CNN (116)
(Defamer) Cool Celebrity wrestling is all fun and games until Dustin Diamond gets hurt... and then it's farking hilarious (34)
(Some Guy) Interesting Hugh Hefner says he's still together with his "Girls Next Door" and Holly Madison still sleeps with him every night. Take THAT, Criss Angel (60)
(Sunderland Echo) Obvious "Mom, dad -- we're hot twins. Of COURSE we were going to become porn stars" (434)
(FARK) Interesting If you could write the first sequel to any movie ever, what would you call it and what would the story be? Difficulty: There cannot already be a sequel. LGN, VE (303)
(Time) Spiffy When Alec Baldwin takes his young daughter to school, her classmates taunt him mercilessly by affecting Kim Jong Il accents and yelling, "You are usewess to me, Awec Bawdwin" (62)

Mon September 22, 2008
(Cracked) Amusing Seven classic kids shows clearly dreamt up by people under the influence of LSD. "Looking back at the weird-ass shows they've cranked out, it's a wonder that we grew up to be such, stable, well-adjusted adults" (106)
(London Times) Interesting Who were they and where are they now. The people behind some of the most famous album covers in music (31)
(Some Guy) Amusing Jessica Simpson is now performing at county fairs. Hopefully your child has a birthday coming up soon (34)
(Breitbart.com) Silly Because "Spider-man 3" didn't cause enough damage to the franchise, Marvel announce that a Spider-man musical may hit Broadway next year (29)
(TMZ) Asinine Knocking up a 15 year old? No crime. Taking photos of mommy breast feeding. No crime. Some one steals the photos and it's kiddie porn. Crime (48)
(io9) Stupid M. Night Shyamalan officially drained of all creativity, considers "Unbreakable 2" (132)
(NJ.com) Obvious Review of the new season of "Heroes," a "very dumb show that just wants you to think it's smart." Kind of like Paula Abdul (94)
(Starpulse) Cool Jean Smart praises "Samantha Who?" costar Christina Applegate for returning to work so soon after beating breast cancer. Jean who? (31)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Fail Bad: Another video game to be adapted into a movie. Worse: The Sims, a game with no story, is chosen. Fark: Dumbest. Plot. Ever (83)
(Some Guy) Interesting Judge evicts Dane Cook from his apartment. Lawyers still working on HBO moratorium (243)
(MTV) Followup Miley Cyrus to TMZ via MTV: TISNT YDKM so STFU (50)
(Starpulse) Obvious Alicia Keys and Jack White's new James Bond theme-song collaboration named the Quantum of Suck by both critics and fans (127)
(London Times) Obvious "People said that television would destroy society. They were right" (61)
(Some Guy) Amusing The history of the near future, or how science fiction keeps getting it wrong, wrong, wrong (42)
(celebrityrush.com) Scary Victoria Beckham wants neck surgery (42)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Last night's Emmys: "Truly, it was one of the worst moments of television I've ever witnessed, and keep in mind that I just watched the first episode of NBC's new version of Knight Rider" (65)
(YouTube) Amusing Ricky Gervais gets Steve Carell to give him back his Emmy (66)
(AP) Interesting Mad Men is the first basic cable show to win best drama at the Emmys. Cast of Boston Legal wonders what happened to the goddamn Cable Ace awards anyway (30)
(IGN) Interesting Ali Larter talks about the new season of "Heroes" which premiers tomorrow. Sadly no mention of any new whipped cream powers (25)
(The Sun) Unlikely Old Spice says she is eating more, running four miles a day, and shopping less. w/scary pic. No, not that Scary (34)

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