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Sun August 10, 2008
(ShockTillYouDrop) Spiffy Hollywood is slightly less out of ideas: Werner Herzog and David Lynch to make a movie together (14)
(BBC) Obvious LA considers curbing paparazzi, bag limit of 3/day per licensed hunter should do the trick (18)
(Boing Boing) Hero New book reveals Kafka's hardcore pornography collection, list of people he hate hate hate hate hate hate hates (154)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool With each birthday Angie Harmon seems to look younger and younger. She must be drinking the same water as Cindy Crawford (25)
(CNN) Sad Goodbye, children: Isaac Hayes dead at 65 (525)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Brad Pitt still thinks it's a giggle having six kids. Laughter might cease as Ange tries to beat Mia Farrow's record for collecting children (22)
(NYPost) Obvious In the entertainment justice system, children complain that their step-monster is a double-dealing, lying, scheming, miserable fool who, with borscht-belt lawyers, is taking all of their late father's money. This is their story. Dun-dun (15)
(Chud) Interesting The reason "Wall-E" wasn't the huge blockbuster many predicted? Date rape. No, really (83)
(People Magazine) Spiffy Want to ask out Anne Hathaway? You may actually have a chance, as she explains "I don't say no to anybody." Take a number and get in line (40)
(Some Weeping Angel) Cool 2007 "Doctor Who" episode "Blink" nets new producer Steven Moffat his third consecutive Hugo Award for best drama. Sally Sparrow approves (49)
(The Sun) Spiffy Ozzy Osbourne is the latest playable character in "Guitar Hero: World Tour," complete with virtual gibberish (6)
(Starpulse) Amusing Why Jack Black won't use drugs: "I had an improv class in high school and I came stoned one time. I was so paranoid that I never tried to fark with it again" (22)
(NYPost) Amusing Jerry Falwell's sing-along choir couldn't drown out a Led Zeppelin concert playing in the same houses of the holy, so he rambled on over to address this communication breakdown but left dazed and confused (21)
(Some Guy) Amusing Jessica Simpson misreads a pregnancy test and makes Tony Romo's entire family faint (35)
(Now Magazine) Stupid Heather Mills fears her former publicist could ruin her reputation. What reputation? (24)
(Telegraph) Obvious "I am convinced that the Dalek is absolutely right for the part of Macbeth. This casting is perfectly consistent with the spirit of Shakespeare's tragedy" (35)
(Some Guy) Asinine Doctors lobby for any movie showing a character smoking to be off-limits to anyone under 18 (139)
(Independent) Asinine Camila Batmanghelidjh is upset over Batman. We await the opinion of Messrs. Jokerasdfgh and Robinqwerty (219)
(The Scotsman) Amusing Still sore that "Braveheart" wasn't filmed in Scotland, Scots rejoice in possibility of stealing big-budget version of "King Lear" away from the Irish (12)
(News Of The World) Dumbass Sir Paul McCartney might be getting yanked not for the second time, should have known better (27)
(BBC) Cool Cops finally do something right - raid man's home, seize and destroy his stereo for playing Cher loudly (94)

Sat August 09, 2008
(Reuters) Stupid Dennis Hopper apparently had a lot of scenes cut out from "Swing Vote." Dont worry Dennis, the less time you spend around Costner, the better (34)
(Rotten Tomatoes) Unlikely The 10 worst movies of the last 10 years (138)
(Some Guy) Interesting First Rule of the Snape Fan Club: Don't talk about the Snape Fan Club (45)
(Some Guy) Amusing In honor of Bernie Mac, here's video of some of his funniest moments (NSFW language) (49)
(Contact Music) Unlikely Clooney's ex Lisa Snowden hasn't had sex in over a year because men don't think they have a chance after George hit it. Apparently she hasn't met a Farker (52)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting Top ten worst pop-culture curses; including The 27-Club, "Seinfeld", and Campbell's Chunky Soup (34)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida New tryouts for "Price is Right" models being held, where else? A Florida plastic surgery clinic. I'd like to bid one dollar, Bob (5)
(SFGate) Asinine George Lucas is looking for new ways to ruin the Indiana Jones franchise (21)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting NBC spokesperson says the Olympic opening ceremony was the highest rated non-U.S. opener ever. Then he flew away on wires (39)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool "Journeyman" creator Kevin Falls answers whether or not Sam, Al and Ziggy ever made it home (27)
(People Magazine) Followup Morgan Freeman feeling "real good" after hospital release, tells confused reporters he's not Bernie Mac (19)
(Bitten and Bound) Strange Kate Hudson's latest magazine cover looks like she's auditioning to be a comic book villian - edgy and slightly evil in a glam sorta way (49)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Yeah, about Bernie Mac responding well to treatment for pneumonia? Not so much (598)
(Telegraph) Amusing Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones fined $3,000 for improperly docking the yacht. Is that what you kids are calling it these days? (17)
(News.com.au) Sad Paul Newman wants to go down shooting in a Bolivian massacre, not a stinking hospital (139)
(Contact Music) Strange Sean Penn fooled by James Franco's plastic penis. PROSTHETIC (18)
(CNN) Sad Ryan Seacrest to prop up zombie Dick Clark (18)
(Some Guy) Obvious Six movies that clearly received the wrong MPAA rating, including R-rated "Planes, Trains and Automobiles," and PG "Jaws" (75)
(Kansas.com) Amusing Paul McCartney getting his kicks on Route 66, recommends you try the quiche in Oklahoma City (9)

Fri August 08, 2008
(SFGate) Interesting Did you plant a placenta? Cause it would be a whole lot cooler if you did (91)
(Reuters) Interesting Former "Idol" star Clay Aiken welcomes a son. In other news, Clay Aiken had sex with a woman (32)
(Some Guy) Cool Early concept art for The Joker, from before Heath Ledger was cast. We were *this close to getting an R-rated Batman movie (58)
(Some Guy) Sappy Chuck Norris claims homeless man channeled his late father-in-law. Uh, Chuck? You need to cut back on those karate kicks to your head (19)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Jennifer Aniston had the body of an Olympic athlete but the lips of a Virginia opossum -- until now (64)
(Orange County Register) Stupid Britney Spears's son has autism. All things considered, better than expected (83)
(iF Magazine) Dumbass Jamie Lynn Spears takes baby to Wal-Mart. We hear the chewing tobacco is rather cheap there (32)
(Mercury News) Sad Producer of "Hee Haw," "Ghostbusters II," and "ALF: The Animated Series" has died at age 77. Of embarrassment (137)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Rubber-faced comic Jim Carrey says he will never marry girlfriend Jenny McCarthy. Is about as likely as him acting successfully in a serious role (73)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Whoops: Turns out A&E was developing a reality series with that tough-love Christian biker gang whose members were just charged with attempted murder (hmm, perhaps just a cameo on "Dog the Bounty Hunter" instead?) (16)
(CNN) Strange EA doesn't rush and release a buggy Dark Knight game along with the movie, confusing the entire industry (107)
(Gossip Girls) Sad Jewel's off the market -- and judging by her husband, you could have had her (85)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Amy Winehouse is the star of a new video game which sees her hitting people with her beehive, throwing crack pipes and breaking her hubby out of prison (34)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Lucas on possible "Indy" sequel: "It's really impossible, because it has to be real. It has to be something that actually happens." Like surviving a nuclear explosion by hiding in the fridge (280)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Bono takes off his glasses for the first time in 15 years, is immediately mistaken for Robin Williams (97)
(News.com.au) Stupid L'Oreal's latest advertising campaign: Our product is so effective, it can even give black people soft, white skin (158)
(Stuff) Obvious Katie Holmes admits that going to an all-girls school might have been a factor in her marrying a closeted homosexual dwarf (77)

Thu August 07, 2008
(Reuters) Obvious Blockbuster fears that upcoming Olympics, and not the fact that Hollywood is out of ideas, may hurt its business over the next few weeks (48)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Dita Von Teese admits she gets a kick out of being trussed up like an oven-roast chicken (75)
(Some Guy) Obvious Hollywood is out of ideas: "Lethal Weapon 5" (52)
(Starpulse) Followup Michael Lohan gets into it with Anderson Cooper, and not the way that Anderson Cooper was hoping for (36)
(Some Guy) Spiffy New "Battlestar Galactica" prequel movie announced, starring a bunch of frakkin' toasters (36)
(USA Today) Interesting Who is wearing that absolutely horrid, ill-fitting, backless hospital gown leaving nothing to the imagination? Fashion grumpy-pants, Mr. Blackwell, that's who (4)
(Contact Music) Obvious Denise Richards' show gets axed, Americans apparently having a threshold for tolerating lying, fouled-mouthed attention whore. Charlie Sheen tosses another pile of twenties in the fire and chuckles heartily (39)
(Spike) Cool The top 10, wait . . .um, the uh . . .oh yeah, the Top 10 Stoner Films of all time (81)
(Christian Post) Ironic Tila Tequila to fundie magazine: "I've found God." (173)
(Rolling Stone) Interesting Ry Cooder completes final chapter of his California trilogy, wonders about the future of musicians:"The whole thing is dismantled. Retail is gone. Radio is gone. Okay, now the records are gone. It worries me" (46)
(Us Magazine) Stupid Katie Holmes is trying to start a new fad by wearing Tom Cruise's jeans (37)
(People Magazine) Followup Morgan Freeman released from hospital - and August is one damn fine month to be released from the hospital (117)
(Some Guy) Amusing Dave Navarro vows to keep tribute tattoo of ex-wife Carmen Electra (12)
(News Of The World) Amusing New craze sweeping Internet is "web boffins" creating pictures of celebrities at their worst. Including pic of zombie Matt Damon (64)
(USA Today) Obvious Director of the film adaptation of "The Road" needed a desolate background for this post-apocalyptic tale but didn't want to use CGI. His solution? Pittsburgh in winter (85)
(Reuters) Asinine Warners Music expresses its gratitude to Guitar Hero for sparking new interest and enthusiasm for some of its artists. Nah, I'm kidding, they're demanding Activision pay more royalties for using their music (65)
(Now Magazine) Followup Britney Spears says she will not be playing a killer lesbian, is content to leave that role to Lindsay Lohan (23)
(Some Guy) Amusing MTV gets turned down by Tila Tequila (98)
(Livenews) Amusing Apparently Jamie Winstone, the star of 'Donkey Punch', is a method actor (41)
(Reuters) Cool NC-17 rating successfully appealed, "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" will open on Halloween, rated R (92)
(Onion AV Club) Amusing The top 16 Manic Pixie Dream Girls in movies. FARK's favourite sexy midget squeaks in at #3 (63)
(Livenews) Stupid Dear Amy, Which kitchen implement will most effectively dig beetles from under my skin? Sincerely, Scabby (15)
(Willamette Week) Obvious Unthinkably, TV station fires nonphotogenic veteran reporter in favor of newsbabe whose journalistic qualifications include being "a lustful and curious blonde" (Warning: target site mentioned in link is not safe for work) (35)
(Starpulse) Interesting They tried to make Eva Mendes discuss rehab, but she said, "Amy Winehouse references are getting really tired and tedious. Seriously. It's not funny anymore. You can go right to Hell" (41)
(E! Online) Obvious Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange enters rehab, no word on how much butter was used on the door frame (94)

Wed August 06, 2008
(Stuff) Stupid Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell says she felt "traumatized" after watching "Sex and the City: The Movie". In related news, Submitter actually has something in common with Geri Halliwell (42)
(People Magazine) Followup Feds officially close Heath Ledger case. Mary-Kate Olsen not given a subpoena, but she could still use a sammich (30)
(Starpulse) Stupid Selma Blair wants to go to Amsterdam and drop acid, because Guillermo Del Toro told her it will boost her self esteem (96)
(CNN) Ironic Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls tells CNN "Emily and I are frustrated sometimes with any kind of box." (37)
(Some Guy) Weird Last comic standing contestant Sean Cullen told not to mention Canada because it would confuse American audiences (245)
(CBS New York) Obvious This just in: Girls Gone Wild employees are not classy people (128)
(LA Times) Followup If you happen to have a copy of Verne Troyer's sextape, he would like a word with you (33)
(MSNBC) Sad So that explains it: Morgan Freeman divorcing his wife (77)
(Sun Sentinel) Cool You won't recognize these artists or albums, but you'll know every one of their hit songs. With audio (182)
(USA Today) Interesting Thirty percent of "Mythbusters'" ideas come from fans, including "Kari determines if bras are more elastic than bustiers," and "Can a Mythbusters female, say Kari for example, swim better naked than clothed?" (339)
(Yahoo) Asinine CSI producers come up with a stroke of genius to revitalize the show: Turn it into Showtime's Dexter (64)
(USA Today) Followup Wesley Snipes owes the government $217,000 for the cost of prosecuting his tax-avoiding, day-walking ass (14)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Doctors say the baby should slide right out sometime in April and she won't feel a thing (538)
(BBSpot) Weird Hollywood really running out of ideas. Zork movie that's all text. At least it's got Morgan Freeman's voice (142)
(Mojo In The Morning) Interesting The six hottest women you didn't realize were in "Saved by the Bell" (ohh but for Mr. Belding... Mr. Belding never forgets) (74)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Scarlett Johansson says giving the tongue to Penelope Cruz wasn't sexy. "There were 60 crewmen eating salami sandwiches" (103)
(News.com.au) Obvious Doctors warn Posh Spice that having another child could damage her body. Demonstrate the possible trauma with the old, "eggplant through a wet penne pasta noodle" trick (18)
(Telegraph) Amusing Britney Spears to play a killer lesbian stripper in the Quentin Tarantino's next movie (160)
(Cinematical) Obvious Governor Schwarzenegger confused by "Terminator 4" footage, inquires into whereabouts of Sarah Connor (28)
(Starpulse) Stupid "Tropic Thunder" angers disability groups -- the mentally handicapped are not taking kindly at being compared to Ben Stiller (41)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Silly First official cast member of Quentin Tarantino's new movie announced: "Hostel" director Eli Roth. Inglorious bastards, indeed (49)
(Cinematical) Cool George Lucas reassures fans that Indy 5 would still be about Jones, not some no-talent with a broken hand: "Harrison Ford IS Indiana Jones. If it was Mutt Williams it would be 'Mutt Williams and the Search for Elvis'" (68)

Tue August 05, 2008
(Onion AV Club) Cool Gary Cole, the guy best known for playing Lumbergh, has worked with almost every major actor of the last 60 years, including nearly the entire cast of On the Waterfront (58)
(Bitten and Bound) Obvious Lisa Marie Presley borrowed Kirstie Alley's tent dress to announce she's expecting twins. Is she ever (18)
(Defamer) Dumbass To gracefully commemorate the day of the Katrina disaster, the people who brought you "Date Movie", "Epic Movie" and "Meet the Spartans" proudly bring you: "Disaster movie" (57)
(MTV) Unlikely Shia LaBeouf Tarzan swings right out of lead role in next Indy film (51)
(Mollygood) Amusing Anderson Cooper rips into the Lohan family while co-hosting Regis & Kelly today (with video goodness) (23)
(Some Guy) Scary First look at Marvel Comics' adaptation of Stephen King's "The Stand." Don't fear the reaper (148)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Sir Paul McCartney writes new song about ex-wife, tentatively called "All you need is $50 million dollars you stumpskank" (50)
(Gawker) Amusing Carmine Gotti's hip hop publicity photos are released. Clearly his rap name should be DJ Massengil (88)
(IDLYITW) Scary And the role of Sylvester Stallone's torso will be played by a Honeybaked Ham (31)
(Now Magazine) Cool From the "Problems I'd love to have" file: Jennifer Aniston tells John Mayer "get serious about our relationship and move into my house, or GTFO" (58)
(Entertainment Weekly) Obvious Whatever happened to that guy from fake reality "Joe Schmo Show?" "I was so embarrassed about the whole premise of the show...I holed up in an apartment in Santa Monica, and spent a lot of the money on marijuana and alcohol" (36)
(UGO) Cool Exclusive new details on next Grand Theft Auto game: CHINATOWN WARS (67)
(Zap2It) Stupid The universally loathed Margaret Cho gets not just one, but two TV shows to showcase her unbearable awfulness (104)
(Reuters) Cool Dave Stewart, of Eurythmics fame, releases new album and tours as bandleader. The Other Guy From Wham unavailable for comment (39)
(Some Guy) Obvious Seven people we wish had gotten into a car accident instead of Morgan Freeman (245)
(News.com.au) Silly Grab those tin foil hats and let the conspiracy theories begin: Batman is picking us off, one by one (59)
(BBC) Stupid "That was the moment I stopped eating burgers and started washing my hair" (24)
(Cinematical) Amusing "Able Danger," a fictional thriller in which a 9/11 Truther proves that 9/11 really was an inside job, to premiere in New York City on 9/11/08. Be sure to drop in for the after-film Q&A (175)
(Defamer) Scary If you want a clear and unambiguous sign of how screwed our economy is, look no further than Charlie Sheen's salary for "Two and a Half Men" (65)
(NYPost) Obvious Sources say Paula Abdul keeps canceling a singing appearance on the "Today" show because her voice needs more mixers than her breakfast cocktails (18)
(MSNBC) Interesting After 100 years, the film industry finally realizes that cuss words and drugs are funny (33)
(io9) Silly The best and worst sci-fi American accents from foreign actors (79)

Mon August 04, 2008
(Contact Music) Amusing Not news: Charlie Sheen pays an outstanding medical bill. Fark: with $380 in loose change (26)
(Fox News) Obvious Miley Cyrus is hanging out with Fergie, her new BFF. What does this mean to us? More pics that Disney won't approve of (76)
(Some Guy) Spiffy J.J. Abrams screens first cut of "Star Trek XI" to Paramount executives. All studio sources agree reaction was "far above expectations." Farkers will still complain, of course (58)
(Gawker) Spiffy Neil Patrick Harris: The Straight Guy's Gay Guy (96)
(Contact Music) Weird "The Love Guru" is so awful, it is creating irreparable moral damage in India, which demands an immediate apology from Mike myers to "heal the wounds somewhat of a disturbed Hindu populace" (42)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting "American Idol" producer claims he's quitting the show to spend more time on "So You Think You Can Dance." Which is sort of like quitting the NFL to play Boggle (39)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Asinine NBC unveils highly creative new "Heroes" marketing tagline: "Good Will Battle Evil" ... marketing department then laughed and left work early to go watch "Dark Knight" again (60)
(celebrityrush.com) Stupid Lindsay Lohan is going to marry girlfriend Samantha Ronson, after realizing that there's another way to get free publicity that doesn't involve driving under the influence (88)
(Gizmodo) Followup Exploding rocket scatters Scotty's ashes all over the Pacific Ocean (30)
(AP) PSA That tasty henbane green that Anthony Worrall Thompson suggested using in salads? It's actually poisonous. Awkward (78)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Tabloid ponders Britney's recent weight-loss secret, presumably Marlboro Reds & Valtrex (19)
(Idolator) Amusing Stone Temple Pilots tour going as well as predicted: Scott Weiland stumbles around and forgets his lyrics, breaks into a cappella rendition of "Redemption Song" and eventually falls backward into the drum kit (with video) (66)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Balthazar Getty drops Sienna Miller after realising there's only room for one wild irresponsible hedonist in any relationship (12)
(Metro) Stupid David Beckham named top athlete at Teen Choice award after receiving millions of call-in votes from employees of the Anschutz Entertainment Group, er, I mean, from kids (47)
(AllYourTV.com) NewsFlash Morgan Freeman seriously injured in rollover crash. In a related story, the CEO of Wayne Enterprises drives a 1997 Nissan Maxima (533)
(New York Daily News) Scary First it was Fannie Mae, then it was Freddie Mac -- now, it is Bernie Mac (76)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Gillian Anderson blaming "The Dark Knight" for the failure of "The X-Files" movie. Well, it is easier than admitting that the movie sucks (127)
(NYPost) Strange Mary-Kate Olsen not joking when she says she wants immunity before testifying on The Joker's death (261)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Jake Gyllenhaal is not engaged to Reese Witherspoon. Apparently, he doesn't think there's room for her square jaw in the relationship (27)
(Some Guy) Interesting The Teen Choice Awards -- it's not just for pedophiles anymore (29)
(The Sun) Spiffy Jessica Simpson strips for Tony Romo over the Internet to keep things hot while they're apart (44)
(apan Today) Obvious Japanese critics blast atomic bomb scene in latest Indiana Jones film, saying it symbolizes lack of prudence in USA when thinking about wars. "In a sense, Spielberg symbolizes America" (80)
(The Superficial) Caption Caption Kim Kardashian eating her ice cream (115)
(The Sun) Obvious David Duchovny takes time away from promoting his new "X-Files" movie to self-aggrandize about his love life with wife Tea Leoni (39)

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