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Sun July 13, 2008
(New York Daily News) Obvious Madonna's brother says her marriage to Guy Ritchie is "from hell" (4)
(Stuff) Strange In the new opera for the deaf, it ain't over until the fat lady gesticulates wildly (40)
(iF Magazine) Dumbass "Grey's Anatomy" creator is allegedly considering killing off Katherine Heigl's character. We hear she contracts a rare disease called Caruso-itis and makes a slew of bad movies afterward (50)
(NYPost) Interesting Hef's youngest 'Girl Next Door' Kendra tired of sloppy thirds and bouncing on the chemically enhanced codger in tandem with the two older girlfriends, who hate her anyway and want her gone (71)
(Telegram) Stupid "When Superman made his debut, he was the first superhero in the comics" . . . The inaccuracies in this article come at you faster than a speeding bullet from there (36)
(Bitten and Bound) Scary Janice Dickinson has always had a big mouth, but this is ridiculous (45)
(MSN) Interesting PBS to debate showing nude scene in upcoming show "Dumbledore Gone Wild" (99)
(Some Guy) Obvious Warner Bros. suddenly realizes DC Comics has a lot more characters than Batman and Superman. Get ready for that long-awaited "Nightwing" movie (111)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Salman Rushdie has survived the fatwa against him and continues to bone his way through the world's top models and starlets (178)
(MSNBC) Sad Jason Priestley will not reprise his role as Brandon Walsh on '90210.' Ian Ziering willing to quit his job at Applebee's if only someone would call (29)
(Variety) Misc HBO greenlights three new dramas, hopes to make "Sopranos" movie. "Deadwood" and "Carnivale" still six feet under (45)
(Reuters) Asinine No more signing receipts with Viagra pens (66)
(Some Gal) Obvious Lyle Lovett has admitted he "never made a dime" from album sales during his twenty year career. A Julia Roberts "tell-all" would do the trick (42)
(WFAA.com) Strange President Bush and Colin Powell arrested after late-night bar fight (20)

Sat July 12, 2008
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Angelina Jolie has given birth to twin cash cows (24)
(Contact Music) Asinine Coast Guard agencies slam movie musical "MAMMA MIA" for scene showing characters jumping off a cliff-amid fears it will encourage "tombstoning." But after two hours of ABBA there is nowhere else to go, really (33)
(FanBolt) Amusing Bruce Campbell explains the 3 reasons celebrities hook up: understanding, proximity, and desperateness (52)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Jessica Alba says Justin Timberlake made her laugh so much while working on the Love Guru that she almost went into labour. We've seen the Love Guru - there were no laughs in it, so Jess must be lying (34)
(Now Magazine) Interesting George Clooney says women always dump him because he works too much. If he worked less, he'd make fewer turkeys like Leatherheads (26)
(Some Guy) Silly Nick Cage edges out Kevin Smith as top celeb comic book geek (49)
(Washington Post) Sad One-time Hollywood leading lady Evelyn Keyes is gone with the wind at age 91 (with "grandpa would have hit it" pic) (44)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Misc Roger Ebert is convinced "Hellboy II" is an homage to the original "Star Wars" (83)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing Mac's lack of tact gets flack from Barack (47)
(TBO) Florida Criss Angel to attempt escape from imploding high-rise hotel in Clearwater. Downtown Scientologists scoff at such silly nonsense (21)
(Defamer) Sad Warner Bros schedules the release of "Where The Wild Things Are" the day after "Duke Nukem Forever" (33)
(Fox News) Amusing Schwarzenegger: Hollywood films shouldn't 'erase' smoking. It's not a drug, it's a leaf (72)

Fri July 11, 2008
(Defamer) Strange If you ever dreamed of having an Oscar-winning screenwriter take a Sharpie to your scrotum get to L.A. tonight (43)
(iF Magazine) Cool In a geekdom far, far away ... "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" will be in HD (26)
(Deceiver) Stupid The Pam Anderson/Jessica Simpson feud just got even dumber (23)
(Daily Mail) Scary Drug-filled umbrella stand Amy Winehouse leaves her DJ set with a lamp, cardboard box and a mysterious substance up her nose (31)
(ABC Action News) Florida Attorney to Linda Hogan: "You're a dumbass" (89)
(Celebridiot) Strange As if ballroom dancing wasn't gay enough Lance Bass will have a male partner on Dancing with the Stars (169)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Victoria Beckham can add "design a successful clothing line" to the list of things she can't do, right below "sing" and "eat a full meal" (15)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Sacha Baron Cohen postpones his wedding to Isla Fisher because she's not Jewish enough. Wants her to sit through an intensive Mel Brooks' movie marathon first (52)
(Some Rock Bander) Amusing Konami: Here I am. Sue you like a hurrrricane (24)
(Reuters) Interesting Scott Bakula joins Ray Romano in new drama series; no word on bumbling husband trying to get sex from nagging wife who is actually a time-traveling dude (19)
(Fox News) Cool Anna Faris? In my Playboy? It's more likely than you think (79)
(Fox News) Unlikely Upset with A-Rod getting all the attention, Jose Canseco claims Madonna wanted his baby (14)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Which Rolling Stone would leave his wife of 23 years and shack up with a hot, 18-year-old Russian cocktail waitress? Ronnie Wood (45)
(London Times) Interesting Shakespeare's first folio, valued at $30 million and stolen 10 years ago, recovered in Washington, DC. Suspect under arrest described by police as "saucy elf-skinned carrion; the rank crook-pated scut" (97)
(Metro) Spiffy Cher slated to marry a third time, to a man 26 years her junior. But if you average the age of all her body parts, she's still younger (32)
(Some Guy) Silly Ten sci-fi shows that were cancelled way too soon. Cue the angry "Firefly" fans (301)
(USA Today) Obvious Eddie Murphy makes another bomb. Homeland security puts him on a watchlist (64)

Thu July 10, 2008
(Excite) Silly Today's unintentionally vague headline from Excite: Ethan Hawke has married girlfriend (22)
(Coventry Telegraph) Amusing The batpod is so dangerous, even Christian Bale wasn't allowed to ride it. "They needed me in one piece to finish the damn movie" (59)
(Stuff) Spiffy Suri Cruise named best-dressed tot in show business, just barely edging out her dad Tom (40)
(Some Guy) Interesting Leonard Nimoy will be one of the first guests on William Shatner's new interview show. "So Leonard tell me again how awesome I am" (38)
(Kotaku) Silly You thought "Burgertime" was fierce? Get a load of "Hell's Kitchen: The Video Game" (59)
(Starpulse) Obvious Pamela Anderson confirms that she is back with Tommy Lee; says they make a "great package." Penis (28)
(Starpulse) Interesting Now that Courtney Cox's epic failure, "Dirt," has been canceled, she's joining the cast of "Scrubs." Still no sign of any comic relief being added to the show though (79)
(Celebridiot) Ironic Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook settle divorce case. She gets the kids and the houses, but Cook gets $2.1 million. Not bad for screwing a teenager and paying her to keep her mouth shut (35)
(NYPost) Obvious Matthew McConaughey sells baby pics for $3 million, still refuses to spend money on shirts (75)
(io9) Obvious Hulk not comprehend law of diminishing returns. Hulk angry with overdelivering on underpromise. HULK SMAAAAAAAAASH EXPECTATIONS FOR SEQUEL (60)
(Kotaku) Stupid Ernie Hudson's role in "Ghostbusters" got slimed (61)
(Contact Music) Cool "Spider-Man" star James Franco to enroll in grad school, enjoy some pie that's soooooooo good (20)
(MSNBC) Scary Just when you thought that Hannah Montana couldn't get any more annoying, soon you will be able to watch her in 3D (45)
(TampaBays10.com) Asinine Sean Young goes off her meds long enough to say that George Clooney "isn't smart enough" to realize she'd be "a great person to play opposite him" (49)
(Metro) Dumbass If you're a mafia killer hiding from the law, you probably shouldn't play a mafia killer in a feature film (32)
(Reuters) Obvious Film Actors Guild determined to seek a better deal. Matt Damon (51)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Amy Winehouse's neighbours complain to her landlord to have her evicted. Population of Scotland keen to have her relocate to their country to boost tourism as the new Loch Ness monster (22)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Spiffy Hippie celebs fight over who has the 'greener' lawn... And if you guessed Ed Begley Jr. is one of them, you win an organic cloth satchel (22)
(Some Actress) Caption Caption what Sarah Jessica Parker is grinning about (126)
(Starpulse) Spiffy He found Eddie Vedder's iPhone and gave it back to him. Can't find a better fan (74)
(Entertainment Weekly) Spiffy "Hellboy II" is devilishly good: "del Toro stages all of the action brilliantly, whether he's choreographing an onslaught of skittery, spidery face-huggers or tracing the rhythmic, thrusting assault of flying swords" (100)
(AP) Amusing CBS's only hot reporter Lara Logon goes wild in Iraq , gets pregnant by a married man, and complains when it hits the media (192)
(Baltimore Sun) Spiffy Too-controversial-for-TV Star Trek episode written twenty years ago by "Trouble with Tribbles" author will finally premiere this week (41)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Randy Jackson has been letting Simon Cowell play with his sword. Ryan Seacrest wants to get in on the action (7)
(Reuters) Followup Jamie Lynn Spears says motherhood is almost as much fun as being a bad role model for young girls (42)
(Globe and Mail) Stupid The Globe & Mail honors Canada Post's Raymond Burr stamp by pointing out that "Ironside" never had a wife killed by Nazis and he was a closet case. Stay classy, G&M (19)
(Some Guy) Interesting Darren Aronofsky in discussions to direct "Robocop" remake. I'd buy that for a dollar (53)
(Starpulse) Interesting Top 10 shocking moments In recent TV history: President Palmer assassinated on "24" or Pumpkin spitting on New-York on "Flavor of Love"? (72)
(Variety) Misc Robert Downey Jr. confirmed to star as title character in Guy Ritchie's upcoming drama "Sherlock." No shiat (18)

Wed July 09, 2008
(News.com.au) Obvious Posh Spice shaken when plane aborts takeoff after a bird strike. "It was then that the horrifying scale of the disaster really hit home for Victoria -- she realised she was wearing standard-issue aircraft pajamas and no make up" (28)
(LA Times) Dumbass Reporter makes fun of the fact that celebrities have all sorts of weird inspirations for their baby names, including "Biblical characters." Reporter's name is Elizabeth (91)
(Celebitchy) Stupid Ashley Alexandra Dupré to get own dating reality show, hoping for the same dignified caliber as Tila Tequila's "A Shot at Love," it is to be tentatively titled "Ashley Dupré: A Shot of Penicillin" (63)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Pete Doherty wants Kate Moss back in his bed. There's plenty of room if he just pushes the 10 cats, box of baby mice and a comatose Amy Winehouse out of the way (12)
(Showbiz Spy) Followup Madonna's on-again, off-again divorce may be on again (8)
(MTV) Interesting Aaron Eckhart discusses his Harvey "Two-Face" Dent character in "The Dark Knight," the difficult make-up job and Tommy Lee Jones learning about the reprised role: "I thought he died" (53)
(Mollygood) Ironic News: Britney Spears gets fake hair, fake tan, fake smile. Fark: Britney Spears looks better than ever (68)
(iF Magazine) Interesting Guillermo del Toro on directing the two-part "The Hobbit": ""We're going to have a break in the middle of filming, but I don't know how long that break is going to be" (29)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Followup "MXC" creator claims "Wipeout" producers yanked his YouTube video comparing the shows. Unfair? Or the karmic revenge of a thousand humiliated 1980s Japanese game show contestants? (59)
(Contact Music) Sad Public Health Department slaps smoking ban on Chicago musical "Jersey Boys," after one single theatre-goer complains of actors smoking onstage. So you may now enjoy your historically-raped production in a clean, non-smoking environment (66)
(M&C) Sad "Wipeout," "America's Got Talent," and "Ow, My Balls" lead summer ratings (56)
(Some Guy) Obvious Don't feel bad if you didn't understand what "John From Cincinnati" was about, the actors in it didn't have a clue either (49)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Pam Anderson to enter Australia's "Big Brother" house, but says she won't strip because her fans would prefer to watch her discuss Wittgenstein and solve quadratic equations (32)
(Cracked) Interesting Seven movies based on a true story (that are complete bullshiat) (115)
(Jossip) Interesting Jamie Lynn Spears and her baby appear in OK magazine in exchange for a $1 million check , which she cashes at the local liquor store (with pic of the little bastard) (59)
(Hartford Courant) Unlikely Christopher Knight (Bobby Brady) was forced to marry to spice up "The Surreal Life." Next season includes a contractual obligation for a three-way with Johhny Bravo (39)
(Irish Independent) Interesting Moran brings lawsuit against "Riverdance," saying that drumming for the show ruined his hearing and caused continuing distress and anxiety. Much like the audience, in fact (28)
(Livenews) Stupid Sting was shattered to find out his daughter excites Pete Doherty almost as much as a glistening spoonful of smack (35)
(Chud) Stupid Hollywood is out of ideas: Post-9/11 "Red Dawn" remake in works. Wolverines (123)
(Telegraph) Amusing "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains" is only No. 8 on the worst lyrics list. It gets worse, I'm serious as cancer (275)
(Livenews) Sappy Michelle Williams is making a movie about Heath Ledger so his daughter can learn about him from somewhere other than "Brokeback Mountain" (14)
(SeattlePI) Silly "Why I love Batman," by someone who's a dumb-dumb because Superman rulez (50)
(MSNBC) Interesting Brendan Fraser recognizes the power behind being a movie star who is not an overcompensating attention whore (81)
(Contact Music) Amusing Val Kilmer once shared a glass of water with Heath Ledger: "'Hey, you're drinking water,' and I'm like, 'Yeah, you're drinking water too,' and he was excited about drinking water" (59)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool Patrick Swayze's cancer of a career is in remission (11)
(TBO) Florida The harsh economy is forcing men to stay home with their families (26)

Tue July 08, 2008
(Toronto Sun) Spiffy Canadian police officer saves David Lee Roth's life from allergic reaction. It's not news, it's nuts (35)
(Celebitchy) Sad Corey Haim has a freakout over a cigarette on the set of the straight-to-DVD masterpiece "Lost Boys 2" Bonus: Corey Feldman in his famous bandana-Lost-Boys-outfit (sfw video) (33)
(iFMagazine) Interesting "Girls Next Door" Bridget lands her own travel show, entitled "Bridget's B*****es," unfortunately, it's Beaches instead of rhythming with witches (36)
(Deadline Hollywood Daily) Cool Quentin Tarantino finally shops WWII script "Inglorious Bastards" to studios. But after money-losing flop "Grindhouse", does Hollywood even care? (108)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Cary Grant beats David Beckham and Johnny Depp to title of Greatest Ever Male Style Icon. Forget Becks, Johnny robbed (47)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Several Detroit Red Wings, John Cusack, Kid Rock, John McEnroe, and John C. McGinley got faced at a Fourth of July party in Malibu and accidentally left the Stanley Cup on the beach, where it was subsequently used as an ashtray (41)
(Baltimore Sun) Asinine Steve-O: "I did a lot of damage to my brain". Obvious and dumbass tags busy fighting each other for this story, meanwhile Stupid tattoos Asinine to the headline, (22)
(Contact Music) Strange "The Exorcist"' director William Friedkin recruited to direct an opera adaptation of "An Inconvenient Truth." The opera, to open in Italy in 2011, begins as Al Gore asks Captain Howdy if he thinks Tipper is pretty (12)
(MSNBC) Amusing New steamy novel stars character pretty much clearly based on Laura Bush, targets niche market for sexy boozing former librarians who look like The Joker (47)
(What A Twist) Asinine Pennsylvania Farkers; you guys underwrote 25 percent of "The Happening" (194)
(NYPost) Interesting Larry King gets an L.A. intersection named after him. It's at the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Oops I Crapped My Pants Avenue (35)
(People Magazine) Spiffy Good news, guys: Drew Barrymore is back on the market. Lines forms to the right (127)
(Washington Post) Followup Messy romantic life of uber-hot TV journalist Lara Logan gets more complicated as she's knocked up with her lover's child (52)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Samantha Ronson buys Lindsay Lohan a $22,000 ring inscribed with the words "Attention Whore." Reports she bought it from Denise Richards unconfirmed (54)
(Daily Stab) Interesting Scarlett Johansson says being monogamous is hard work and not natural (66)
(CNN) Asinine This is the big story on CNN: Billy F'n Joel? It's not news, it just sucks (36)
(Starpulse) Amusing Sacha Baron Cohen's reign of terror continues: "Crowds in Arkansas came for the lure of cage fighting and $1 beer, but police say what they got instead was men ripping each others' clothes off and kissing" (339)
(Contact Music) Hero Shakira vows to continue the fight to free Colombian hostages whenever, wherever (57)
(Telegraph) Amusing Not news: Sascha Baron Cohen plays a prank on a couple of guys. News: One of them writes an op-ed about it. Fark: He's a former spy for Mossad (27)
(Some Guy) Silly Eddie Murphy gets revenge for being rejected from "Star Trek IV" by playing a starship. "That was the challenge for me -- playing an actual vehicle. I have to have no expression" (38)
(Metro) Unlikely Charlize Theron says her passionate film scenes are not a "sexy free for all," and are actually quite technical. Hush, darling, you're spoiling the mood (13)
(Some Guy) Obvious Maggie Gyllenhaal says she didn't imitate Katie Holmes for her role in "The Dark Knight." Decided instead to attempt acting (50)
(Yahoo) Misc Village People lead singer + throat problems = penis jokes (11)
(Cinema Blend) Interesting Robert De Niro wants to make two "Good Shepherd" sequels with the help of MATT DAMON (47)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Kate Moss dumps musician boyfriend Jamie Hince. He wasn't nearly as unhygienic or drug-addicted as she'd have liked (8)
(Contact Music) Scary Our next contestant on Celebrity Passport Information Breach is... *drum roll* ... BEYONCE KNOWLES (12)
(Contact Music) Amusing "Home Improvement" star Zachery Ty Bryan gets tasered by an off-duty hotel manager. Is the hotel going to weasel its way out of a lawsuit? I DON'T THINK SO, TIM (51)
(Reuters) Misc Matthew McAuhne... McHayney... McConnahuey... that shirtless guy's girlfriend has a baby boy. Welllahhhhright (11)
(The Sun) Obvious Lindsay Lohan tearfully admits to being governor of New Jersey (251)
(Access Hollywood) Spiffy Michael J. Fox expected to shake things up on the cast of "Rescue Me" (71)
(Gizmodo) Asinine Meanwhile, from their secret mountain lair, the RIAA unfolds a dastardly plan for laptop manufacturers (46)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting NBC.com sets up online forum so "The Baby Borrowers" parents can explain why they let the reality-show dingo eat their baby (12)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool Kevin Smith to moderate "Battlestar Glactica" panel at Comic Con. After attending, geeks will feel as if their souls are now prepared for the afterlife (63)
(Defamer) Amusing Michael Bay's rejected script for "The Dark Knight" is chock-full of embarrassments, such as an "explosion within an explosion" and "the biggest f*****g missiles you will ever see" (56)

Mon July 07, 2008
(Onion AV Club) Hero Fresh on the heels of announcing The Osbourne Family Variety Show, Elvis Costello swoops to the rescue with one of his own (22)
(MSNBC) Cool Screw Jared. The fat kid from Nickelodeon sitcom Drake and Josh has lost 100 pounds and is doing nude scenes with hot girls in indie flicks (71)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Wheaton talks J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek," and how most of the rest of the movies are horrible (57)
(MTV) Silly Is Mark Hamill's version the best Joker ever? (112)
(News Of The World) Asinine Murderers and rapists will demonstrate their skills on the new TV show "Broadmoor's Got Talent." Maybe they can get OJ Simpson and Mike Tyson to be the judges (12)
(Starpulse) Scary Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are set to combine their venereal star powers together for possible upcoming reality show, tentatively called: "Name That Infection" (58)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Stupid Latest sign of the Apocalypse: Ozzy Osbourne Variety Show (16)
(Starpulse) Obvious VH1 "knows best" by giving Brooke Hogan her own reality series now that the rest of her family has become a disgraceful bunch of f-ups. Just kidding, they gave her a show because she's hot (86)
(ABC News) Cool Sunday just got born on Monday. Tuesday's on the phone to me (38)
(Fan Bolt) Amusing Tori Spelling is totally psyched about the new "90210" spin-off, even though she, like, doesn't know anything about it, and like, ZOMG, doesn't even know if, like, Donna and David are even married, and such (39)
(Bitten and Bound) Obvious ABC's next Bachelor has had the best field training possible for any "crazies" he may encounter on the dating show. He is Paula Abdul's ex (10)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool "WarGames" to be re-released in theaters soon. 1983 called, it wants its Commodore 64 back (83)
(BBC) PSA You can yell four-letter expletives on daytime TV if the guy in charge of bleeping them can't understand your "Strong Scottish accent" (62)
(Starpulse) Amusing Eddie Murphy's latest movie, "Meet Dave," which "features an Eddie Murphy-shaped robot piloted by a miniature Eddie Murphy," is just the tip of the upcoming summer movie suckberg (76)
(Metro) Dumbass Tom Cruise and Will Smith are set to cement their Scientology, er, show-business ties by shooting a film together. Working title: "Box Office Poison" (60)
(Gawker) Stupid Greta Van Susteren calls Anderson Cooper a coddled, commercialized, Katrina-exploiting, polygamy-obsessed pretty boy (224)
(Contact Music) Weird Snoop Dogg already went country... now he's going Bollywood (9)
(Telegraph) Unlikely "Doctor Who" producer says that Amy Winehouse would be a brilliant Doctor Who. In related news, Amy Winehouse quietly wonders how much booze and crack she could fit inside a TARDIS (46)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Jude Law's conquests appear to be getting younger. He's gone from toyboy to sugar daddy in the space of a couple of years (66)
(Contact Music) Amusing From the "It's About Friggin' Time" Department: Kanye West headed for anger-management classes (29)
(LA Times) Scary PSYOPS -- coming to a theater near you (27)
(Contact Music) Obvious Robert De Niro warns his fellow Screen Actors Guild members not to strike, since actors are expected to have enthusiasms... enthusiasms... enthusiasms... (18)
(Now Magazine) Interesting James McAvoy got so obsessed with his favourite dildo on set of "Wanted," he tried to get it featured in every shot to give maximum pleasure (31)
(Telegraph) Amusing Britain's most respected evening newscaster confesses he often polishes off an entire bottle of Burgundy after signing off with "Go fark yourself, London" (82)
(Telegraph) Sad John Cleese facing costly divorce: Estranged wife gets $1.8 million a year support, also expected to be awarded dead parrot, silly walk and Prawn Goebbels (46)
(io9) Cool Five superhero movies that fortunately didn't make it to a first day of shooting. Oddly enough, Owen Wilson in "Aquaman" didn't make the list (27)
(Contact Music) Scary Jack Black whacks smack after near-heart attack (43)
(Chud) Cool Crouching Tiger, Hidden Wu-Tang: RZA is directing a bloody martial arts movie (14)
(Some Guy) Cool Jessica Alba to star in "Barbarella" remake. Maybe God DOES exist. With bikini pic to boot (84)

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