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Sun June 29, 2008
(AP) Obvious Will Smith's school is not a Scientologist recuitment center. It simply uses methods developed by L. Ron Hubbard, which is reasonable since he was the smartest and most handsome man ever. Would you like a free personality test? (26)
(The New York Times) Scary George Lucas discusses "Clone Wars" and the upcoming Star Wars live-action TV show: "It's not SpongeBob SquarePants, but at the same time it's also not Family Guy" (25)
(Gawker) Spiffy David Bowie discusses the creative process behind some of his favorite songs and rewards himself for their obvious greatness by putting them together on a best-of compilation that will include no hits (31)
(TMZ) Strange If you live in Mississippi and are raping people dressed as Rikki Rockett from the metal band Poison, the real Rockett would really like you to quit it (21)
(Washington Post) PSA Laura Ingraham will return to the airwaves after being locked out for one month by her employer. Your dog would rather listen to Boortz in the morning, anyway (57)
(Daily Stab) Sad Matthew McConaughey gets robbed on his latest surfing trip. Not only did thieves steal his cell and $2,000 cash, but he lost his flip-flops too. What's a surfer dude to do? (33)
(Yahoo) Interesting Christian Bale interview in which he discusses Heath Ledger: "The Dark Knight can be a celebration of his work. Not like the hideous circus after he died, which I felt was an invasion of a private life" (45)
(Washington Times) Amusing Finally, a negative review of "Wall-E". Wall-E is a godless commie. Who knew? (175)
(Gawker) Misc The first of up to three BSG movies has been greenlit by Sci-Fi Channel (50)
(CTV) Amusing Step 1: Make a movie, as primitive and as awkward as possible, with "animation from the dark ages". Step 2: Post on Youtube. Step 3: Hollywood comes calling... Profit?? (30)

Sat June 28, 2008
(SeattlePI) Dumbass Sean Penn's "Into the Wild" movie encouraging hordes of misfit hippies to visit Alaskan backcountry and witness McCandless's death bus. "This is one little element. We're not completely nuts" (79)
(BBC) Video The downhill spiral tightens, Amy Winehouse punches fan during Glastonbury set (43)
(Perez Hilton) Scary Zombie Amy Winehouse made Nelson Mandela's tribute concert last night, you can watch the horror here (video) (43)
(YouTube) Obvious David Tennant is pretty good at improv (56)
(TMZ) Dumbass DMX arrested. Again. This isn't a repeat of a repeat of a repeat (29)
(Rolling Stone) Cool Live concert by Bjork and Sigur Ros in Iceland to be webcast today at 3 p.m. EST. It's to raise awareness of aluminum smelting in Iceland and will be a huge nexus of weird (45)
(People Magazine) Spiffy Actor Chris Kattan to get married. To a model. Who doesn't have a penis (40)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Bruce Campbell's long-delayed "My Name Is Bruce" finally set for Halloween release date (w/ trailer). Hooch for the pooch (44)
(Time) Spiffy "Time was, pot movies were like Grateful Dead concerts or parent-teacher conferences: you had to be wasted to enjoy them" (44)
(Chud) Silly New Rob Zombie "Halloween" 3-disc DVD includes four-and-a-half-hour documentary on making of the flick. Three hours to be devoted to Sheri Moon's butt crack (23)
(St. Petersburg Times) Cool A dare-to-be-great situation: For John Cusack's 42nd birthday, a ranking of his 42 best flicks (48)
(MSNBC) Followup Mini-Me sex tape barred from distribution. There is a God, and he loves us all so much (28)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Silly Harry Knowles braves several narrow stairs in sheer determination to be first man to be shown clips from J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" (22)
(Some Neat Guy) Interesting Five great works written under the influence. Six if you count this headline. Seven if you count Fark (65)
(Maxim) Amusing The 12 Most Epic Video Game Death Sounds (49)
(Cracked) Obvious Six TV action heroes whose ass even you could kick (55)
(Defamer) Amusing Fearing fattism, flustered fatties fighting fictional films fiendish futuristic fabrication featuring fatties feeding furiously, flying floating furniture for falsely framing future fifth-witted fatties' fattiness. Wall-E (218)

Fri June 27, 2008
(Some Guy) Strange Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman credits "Kung Fu Panda" with saving his career (26)
(Some Guy) Stupid After highlighting the careers of such luminaries as Pamela Anderson and Flava Flav, Comedy Central will Roast Bob Saget. Apparently you can suck **** to get your lame career on TV, too (78)
(allyourtv) Obvious Why aren't there centrists on cable news? Because nobody will watch a show called "I sort of agree with both of you" (104)
(io9) Silly "Doctor Who" season finale to run extra-long sixty-five minutes, except on Sci-Fi Channel, where it will run about forty-two (57)
(Some Guy) Audio Interview with Mini-Me's sex tape parter reveals she's just as crazy as you though she was (24)
(Pajiba) Amusing How do you know you're reading a great movie critic? He titles his review with "I Want to Fark This Movie" (36)
(Fox News) Interesting Will Smith sees Kevin Costner's $100M "Water World" flop and raises him $150M with "Hancock" (100)
(Wikipedia) Amusing Quentin Tarantino's Wiki as bloated as a Quentin Tarantino movie (24)
(The Newspaper) Interesting BMW M3 beats Toyota Prius in Top Gear fuel economy test, proving "... it isn't what you drive that matters, it's how you drive it" (362)
(Daily Stab) Scary Say it ain't so - Lindsay Lohan has a secret sister? (22)
(CBC) Interesting Danger, Will Robinson: check your knowledge of movie robots in this online quiz (39)
(Yahoo) Spiffy A press screening of "The Dark Knight" reveals that the hype is justified: "Ledger delivers what may be remembered as the finest performance of his career" (59)
(Washington Times) Silly Coalition of 16,000 black and Hispanic churches urge federal regulators to reject proposed XM/Sirius merger, because Howard Stern made fun of Dolly Parton (40)
(All Headline News) Ironic Nicole Richie to write a cookbook. Irony debate, anyone? (44)
(National Post) Interesting The seven possible career paths of Jay Leno after he leaves "The Tonight Show" (43)
(Starpulse) Followup Uma Thurman to marry Armpit Bosom (22)
(CNN) Followup Bill Murray's divorce now final. His ex-wife gets the kids and the house; he gets total conciousness, so he's got that going for him (37)
(Rotten Tomatoes) Spiffy Hollywood isn't out of ideas, they just don't involve human actors: "Wall-E" scores a 98% Fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes (81)
(People Magazine) Strange Paris Hilton makes "generous" donation to LA hospital. Infectious disease lab techs said to be "thrilled" with new samples (11)
(People Magazine) Amusing Rumer Willis says her parents "set an example", will now form hideously bad 60's cover band and start dating boys half her age (24)
(Mojo In The Morning) Amusing 25 WORST rapper names EVER. All your favorites like "Peanut Butter Wolf" and " DJ Crazy Toones." But "Hawd Gankstuh Rappuh Emsees Wid Ghats" takes "Rappin' Ron" for the #1 spot (106)
(USA Today) Unlikely Robert Rodriguez hopes that his version of "Red Sonja" starring Rose McGowan will be better than the 1985 movie. How you can possibly improve on a movie that stars both Brigitte Nielsen and Ahnuld is unknown (64)
(Daily Stab) Cool Sienna Miller really enjoyed 'dabbling' in her lesbian scene with Keira Knightley (36)
(Daily Stab) Obvious Amy Winehouse turns down multi-million dollar book deal because she's not done acting like a fool yet (15)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Naomi Campbell will be confined to the stalls for Nelson Mandela's birthday gig, but it's only a phone's throw from the stage (6)
(USA Today) Misc Thousands celebrate Summer solstice at Stonehenge, but are disappointed to find out it's actually just 18 inches tall (86)
(Some Guy) Scary Ho hum. Another fund-raiser held at Elton John's estate. Look, there's Bill and Chelsea Clinton - and wow, Will Smith has a pretty wife. Look at th...JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR FACES? (231)
(Wired) Interesting Radio stations may have to start paying singers and bands for the songs they broadcast (59)
(Livenews) Cool "The Dark Knight" will pay tribute to Heath Ledger tastefully (45)
(The Register) Cool Cool: If you have eight grand lying around, you can buy your very own seven-foot-tall cylon. Sad: It isn't Boomer or Number 6, so you'd probably amputate your junk if you tried to frak it (21)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Jake Gyllenhaal continues his efforts to become the new Ryan Phillipe by moving in with Reese Witherspoon. Next he'll be making some dodgy movie choices (33)
(TMZ) Followup Verne Troyer's plan of making a freakish tiny-man sex tape, 'leaking' it and then suing TMZ for $20 million is almost complete (50)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Charlotte Church wants six kids before marriage to guido boyfriend. Fark: "We want to have our babies young and then I'm going to get married and look fabulous for that." (69)
(Towleroad) Interesting Al Sharpton outs Anderson Cooper on live TV (95)

Thu June 26, 2008
(Fox News) Asinine As all other communications issues are resolved, the good folks at the FCC are tackling a pressing new problem: product placement advertising. Facepalm tag applies for employment at Fark office (42)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Emmy finalists announced: "Family Guy," "Lost" and "The Wire" make short lists, but "Battlestar" and "Desperate Housewives" snubbed (87)
(CNN) Asinine What happened to Stephen Colbert's face? It's not news, it's CNN (65)
(Some Guy) Misc "Cloverfield 2" on hold until J.J. Abrams can come up with an idea for it (74)
(Celebitchy) Scary Ben Kingsley, on his make-out scene with Mary-Kate Olsen: "She was completely in charge" BURN HOLLYWOOD, BURN TO HELL (38)
(Some Guy) Cool WALL E has almost no dialogue for the first half hour and its the best reviewed movie of the year (87)
(In Case You Didn't Know) Silly If you're wondering how much it costs to raise two young children in Los Angeles, it's $480,000 a year, according to Russell Simmons' ex-wife, the terrifying Kimora (26)
(London Times) Spiffy Mexican Lucha libre wrestling is coming to London (28)
(E! Online) Strange Clay Aiken would like to share his thoughts on the humanitarian crisis in Somalia with you. Stop laughing (13)
(Wikipedia) Wheaton Anyone watching "I Love the New Millennium?" Wil Wheaton managed to sneak in "attention whore" in one episode, Hal Sparks is funny, and the bass player for The Donnas got really fat (72)
(TVWeek) Scary Bravo's "Real Housewives" franchise will continue to expand across the country until each and every one of our mothers is finally on it (29)
(Contact Music) Cool Pass the mic to Beastie Boys' Adam Yauch who says hello nasty to Nestle for privatising the world's fresh water in his sure shot documentary: "They lock down water as a commodity they can buy and sell. It's terrifying" (31)
(Some Guy) Sappy Cameron Diaz is either engaged or working on another publicity stunt. You decide 2008 (21)
(Some Guy) Obvious Peter Travers has done the first official review of "The Dark Knight," and apparently it blows. Just kidding, Travers' raging hardon is evident through the computer screen (102)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Rob Zombie releases teaser poster for his next film which, if the poster isn't misleading, promises to be the greatest film ever committed to celluloid (kinda not safe for work-ish) (69)
(Some Guy) Ironic You remember music videos, right? "MTV Real World" killed the video star (62)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool Not to be outdone EW gives their own list of top 25 movie posters. Bonus: Each one is not on it's own page for once (77)
(Stuff) Followup Madonna hires Paul McCartney's divorce lawyer. Um, you're doing it wrong, unless you want to pay that Guy Richie guy $50 million (30)
(The New York Times) Stupid MTV will now accept political advertising, though candidates know they can find a more informed audience on The Cartoon Network (79)
(AZCentral) Asinine Denise Richards's two children are currently in therapy dealing with their feelings on their parents' divorce. Which, at three and four years old, are about as deep as their feelings on the global economy or Kierkegaard (40)
(Asbury Park Press) Misc Captain Janeway to join Harry Potter on Broadway. Mr. Potter, set course to the Delta quadrant, warp factor muggle (26)
(Some Guy) Obvious Batman's Adam West interviewed. Does he regret turning down 007?: "Not really. No, wait a minute. Yes" (30)
(Some Fat Guy) Cool Ricky Gervais, creator of "The Office" has revealed on his blog that Steve Carell has signed a contract for three more years of Michael Scott madness (63)
(Some Guy) Asinine Westboro "Baptist" nutjobs are going to protest George Carlin's funeral. Buddy Christ unavailable for comment (424)
(Reuters) Sad Alas, how the mighty hath fallen: Slash reduced to working on "secret project" with Sebastian Bach (43)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Unlikely "Dukes of Hazzard" guy says his new TV show is the best role he's had since "Dukes of Hazzard" -- feel free to change the words "new" or "best" to "only" in that sentence (22)
(LA Times) Amusing George Michael says he stayed in the closet for so many years, because it took him that long to find the perfect public restroom for his debut (22)
(AP) Sad NBC settles lawsuit after alleged "predator" commits suicide. How about you take a seat over there... and write a check for $105 million dollars (817)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup Dallas Cowboys football fans are in for a heartbreak season. In true spoiler fashion, Jessica Simpson aka The Jinx told the world yesterday that she will be attending all of Romo's games (75)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Denise Richards has her tattoo of Charlie Sheen's name turned into a fairy. He suggested she change it to c*nt (33)
(The Sun) Scary If Cher could turn back time, she probably wouldn't go to the bar where a crazed fan assaulted her (7)
(Reuters) Interesting Sarah Jessica hoists a hoof and stomps around the stable on news that her new movie will be out soon, and tells neighsayers that they aren't cool (24)
(Dlisted) Scary Not sure what's scarier - Steven Tyler's face, or the fact that he's wearing Crocs (36)
(Wired) Cool First look at Joss Whedon's and Neil Patrick Harris's new musical "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" (28)
(Some Guy) Sad Kermit Love, creator of Big Bird and Mr. Snuffleupagus, has passed away (28)
(Starpulse) Silly David Hasselhoff insists that the "Knight Rider" movie will fail without his glowing presence: "It's like [having] Indiana Jones without Indiana Jones." (28)

Wed June 25, 2008
(Daily Mail) PSA Jane Seymour is nearly as hot as her 26 year old daughter. Nearly (90)
(Defamer) Scary Mini-Me has a sex tape and...OH GOD MY EYES (351)
(Fox News) Asinine Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova being told she's too fat because people can't see her ribs, vertebrae (79)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Asinine Feeling uncool after Britney and Lindsay did it, Nicole Richie will do the special guest star thing and appear on NBC's "Chuck" this fall (23)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Sad "America's Got Talent" beat by "America's Got a Minor Concussion" -- watching game show contestants on ABC's "Wipeout" face plant drew the highest premiere rating of any new show this summer (102)
(Hollywood Tuna) Obvious Jessica Biel now has a mullet, and needless to say it is the sexiest mullet in the entire world ever (47)
(Some Guy) Interesting Oprah finishes three weeks of vegan eating. Says they were "delicious" (139)
(Cinematical) Obvious Richard Kelly's "The Box" gets delayed to September 11, 2009. Guess when he's making a straightforward story and not one about a time-traveling rabbit or whatever the Hell "Southland Tales" was about, he struggles (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Battlestar Galactica" writers do not expect any Emmy nominations, because "the vast majority of voters don't understand the show" (218)
(Mercury News) Dumbass What kind of woman loans her two children to a reality show? Well, she got pregnant at 17 on purpose, had two kids and two divorces, then got married again and had two more kids. Let's hope she's paid with a free tubal ligation (63)
(Some Guy) Asinine Not to run another George Carlin story but seriously , having "'Bill & Ted' actor dies" as your headline is a great injustice (208)
(KHOU Houston) Amusing It's still real to KHOU 11 NEWS, DAMMIT (150)
(Metro) Sappy Justin Timberlake reveals he has OCD and ADD, spends hours lining his hot actress girlfriends up in straight lines, but then gets distracted before he can bang any of them (58)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Robbie Williams loses his beard after shaving his beard (20)
(Boston Herald) Followup Don Imus defends recent "color" commentary as not being racist, says everyone attacking him is a nappy headed ho (340)
(Starpulse) Sad Top music biz metrosexuals: List includes Jay-Z, Sean "Puffy" Combs, Jon Bon Jovi, Justin, Usher. They are just like real men but they like to get pampered and have a good manicure once in a while (53)
(Starpulse) Interesting Born-again Christian who left Korn to pursue his faith now realizes that there are bills to pay, returns with a solo album titled "Save Me From Myself" which we thought Jesus took care of, but oh well (40)
(AFP) Followup Dennis Rodman sentenced to probation for being totally irrelevant to post-90s culture (9)
(WCBS 880) Cool The New York Philharmonic played Jimi Hendrix on Tuesday night (22)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ten of the finest movie trailers of the last 30 years. "Sex and the City," tragically, not included (90)
(The New York Times) Cool Jerry Seinfeld's eulogy for George Carlin (112)
(Defamer) Amusing Jason Bateman responds to accusations of "Juno" being responsible for a mass of teen pregnancies: "Look, if you're going to blame a movie or song for your actions...." Points at Jamie Lynn Spears, "Her fault" (65)
(News Hounds) Dumbass Now that George Carlin is safely dead, Bill O'Reilly starts taking potshots. Fark it, we'll do it live... er (139)
(Reuters) Sad Heather Locklear seeks medical help for depression. Subby first in line to attempt to cheer her up (22)
(Defamer) Interesting Quentin Tarantino talks a million miles an hour to everyone who'll listen that his 12,000-page World War II epic screenplay "Inglorious Bastards" is ready for production and down to a more manageable 154 pages (46)
(Showbiz Spy) Obvious Jamie Lynn Spears names her baby Maddie, inspired by the Madeline children's series, which was the last book she read without any help (20)
(Huffington Post) Cool NBC to air very first episode of SNL (when it didn't suck) featuring George Carlin this Saturday (63)

Tue June 24, 2008
(Rolling Stone) PSA If you try to leak the new Guns N' Roses album, expect a visit from the FBI (75)
(Starpulse) Stupid Julie Benz says she is terrified about making another horror film because the filming of "Saw V" left her terrified. Honey, if you're in "Saw V", you ain't exactly turning down scripts (34)
(Showbiz Spy) Obvious Just like the people at her concerts, Sheryl Crow needs massive amounts of alcohol to get through her show (40)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Evicted Big Brother housemate who intimidated other housemates with talks of her gangsta friends has her windows smashed and abuse scratched on her car by gangs of vandals. Hey, It's just a TV character people. Oh, wait (14)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting "Paparazzi are pigs in the gutter...They deserve every bad thing that happens to them except death or disfigurement or being turned into paraplegics." (45)
(Now Magazine) Sad Madonna and something called "Guy Ritchie" to split up after seven years of marriage (78)
(adage.com) Spiffy Hugh Laurie becomes the 12th celebrity recipient of the coveted Burger King Crown Card. It's not lupus, it's Fark.com (48)
(Starpulse) Dumbass Anne Hathaway's Italian businessman boyfriend told an investor that he's the CFO of the Vatican. Investor does background check, jailarity ensues (52)
(Defamer) Spiffy David Cronenberg's controversial "Crash", banned in the UK and elsewhere, was reportedly toned down from its original version, which featured a lactating Rosanna Arquette and a loveable orangutan named Clyde (47)
(Some Guy) Obvious Larry King's wife sent to rehab. Expected to say "I married WHO?" once she cleans up (24)
(People Magazine) Interesting "American Idol" winner Ruben Studdard to marry his fiance, whom he will bread, deep-fry and eat with ranch dressing at the reception (23)
(Fox News) Amusing What did Greta Van Susteren's viewers think of her having Motley Crue on her show? Click the link and find out (73)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup Heather Locklear's psychiatrist has just one thing to say - "Told you so" (24)
(Gawker) Interesting Gawker claims that Mike Myers might be exploring the groovy world of being openly gay. Or, you know, he could just be Canadian. It's so hard to tell these days (109)
(The Virginian Pilot) Unlikely R&B producer Teddy Riley's abandoned studio burns down in a completely non-suspicous manner (23)
(hollywood.com) Dumbass Doctors to Amy Winehouse: Stop smoking or you will destroy your lungs. Winehouse: Whatever. I'll do what I want. Doctors: WTF is this guy's problem? (71)
(G4TV) Spiffy Forget Facebook and MySpace, David Hasselhoff has a social networking site (29)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Hero HBO to air *EVERY* George Carlin special, spanning 1977-2008, in two-day marathon this Weds/Thurs (337)
(USA Today) Interesting If you've been hoping and praying that the fourth installment in the "Fast and Furious" franchise would reunite original stars Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, you're in luck (53)
(MTV) Obvious How DC Comics can catch up to Marvel's movie universe. Rule #1: Neil Gaiman's "Law of Superhero Movies," something that Warners tends singularly to miss, and Marvel tends singularly to get right (158)
(National Post) Silly Ten reasons why even Canadians are embarrassed by Mike Myers these days (93)
(sffmedia.com) Interesting Tessa Dick, last wife of Philip K. Dick, speaks out about The Owl in Daylight, the forthcoming movie about the author behind Blade Runner (27)
(Wired) Asinine As the recording industry gets more and more petty when it comes to stealing of music, they have declared AM and FM radio to be piracy (109)

Mon June 23, 2008
(Newsweek) Cool Kevin Smith remembers George Carlin (47)
(Daily Stab) Obvious Will Smith is becoming less of a 'closet Scientologist' (58)
(Defamer) Cool Jason Bateman confirms Arrested Development movie to film next year. Come On (108)
(WWTDD) Stupid (Linda Hogan reporting a Hulk stalking) 911: Okay, you said he left, or he is leaving? Linda: Yeah he left, I'm following him right now. 911: Why are you following him? Linda: I don't know. 911: Stop following him (21)
(Post Chronicle) Obvious This just in: Matt Damon is a tool (78)
(AZCentral) Sad Beloved comic dies. No, not that one. The other one. No, not that one, that other other one. Yeah. Her (40)
(Defamer) Amusing Kiefer Sutherland tries to flex his star-power muscle in order to squeeze the new iPhone from a manager: "I'd gladly give a phone to one of The Lost Boys, but we don't have any yet" (39)
(Radar Magazine) Strange The Bare Naked Ladies have enough fans to fill a whole cruise ship? (110)
(Starpulse) Stupid Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are two idiots in real life too. Too retarded to think of a TV show starring themselves, they screw the guy who thought it up for them. Now he's suing for all of Haim's crystal meth money, about $57.21 (30)
(Fox News) Dumbass Not news: Fox columnist writes column complaining about how journalistic standards have declined. Fark: He's complaining about TV Guide putting Denise Richards on the cover instead of Tim Russert (99)
(Bitten and Bound) Interesting Jamie Lynn Spears used decoy to fool paparazzi and made a quick getaway with her new baby. Britney lured into her usual trap and gets mobbed at LAX (27)
(Now Magazine) Unlikely A 10-year-old Mark Ronson and pal Sean Lennon made Michael Jackson watch porn. Ronson thinks Jacko didn't like it because of his "strong feminist views" (35)
(YouTube) Audio In honor of George Carlin, here's the Seven Dirty Words routine. (Not safe for work language) (37)
(Some Depressed Motorist) NewsFlash A comedy legend has died. We'll miss you, George Carlin (1751)

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