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Sun June 22, 2008
(What The ??) Weird Political artist Mark Bryan must take a cocktail of peyote, meth, alcohol, weed, Vicadin, Viagra, and Nyquil before he paints (77)
(Some Guy) Silly "Smallville" adds Superman's hulking monsterous killer Doomsday to cast. Except now he's a 20-something hot bartender at hip Metropolis nightclub (56)
(Reuters) Obvious "Get Smart" makes $100 million at the box office this weekend. Would you believe $70 million? Okay, how about $40 million and change? (93)
(I Liked The First One) Amusing Remember how, despite it opening lower than the previous Hulk flick, this one was supposed to break the jinx and have box office legs? Yeah, about that (87)
(Daily Mail) Amusing News: Singer's estranged mom to write tell-all book claiming her daughter was a drugged-up prostitute and her daughter's husband tried to bang her. Fark: It isn't Britney Spears (35)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Battlestar Galactica" head Ron Moore says he doesn't want to discuss why he quit "Star Trek: Voyager" abruptly. But then he does anyway (126)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Sienna Miller is "totally miffed" that Keira Knightley has stolen the lead role in My Fair Lady away from her. The slick chick nicks quick, but she looks like a stick. Sienna Miller trifecta in play (37)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Pixar's computer generated cojones are so huge they are betting on a love story starring things that are incapable of feeling love (67)
(Reuters) Obvious Amy Winehouse takes one more step towards death, complete with "quit your drugs or you'll die" doctor's advice (103)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Silly Rambo to meet the Terminator in long-awaited Indian showdown (22)
(Yahoo) Obvious Marvel Studios will release "Spider-Man 4" in 2011 in the hopes that everyone will forget about "Spider-Man 3" by then (55)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Jamie Lee Curtis was a lush and a drug addict for over a decade. You'd still hit it. And her daughter, too (59)
(MSNBC) Weird Sienna Miller accidentally sets boobs on fire during filming of new movie. Oops (24)
(io9) Dumbass Who could possibly destroy Wolverine? Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas, that's who: "I'm a teleporter. I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere. Boom, boom, boom... He's just a badass who'll whoop your ass" (48)
(LA Times) Interesting Paparazzo sues Woody Harrelson for assault and punitive damages caused by "Money Train" and "The Cowboy Way" (9)
(My Fox Milwaukee) Cool As if the last day of school wasn't cool enough, fifth graders get letters and photos from Johnny Depp (54)

Sat June 21, 2008
(New York Daily News) Cool USS Enterprise, NCC-1701-M, finally launched (82)
(I-Mockery) Amusing I-Mockery looks at "The Renegades" - a forgotten ultra-cheesy 80s cop show starring Patrick Swazye (13)
(Contact Music) Obvious Sarah Jessica Parker is afraid that her son will do something foalish such as becoming a smoker. If he ever takes up smoking, perhaps she can make him stop colt turkey (47)
(Chud) Silly Uwe Boll to release "funny" director's cut version of "House of the Dead." Changes expected to be minimal (29)
(Metro) Obvious Mark Wahlberg says he's going to stick to more child-friendly roles in future because he's embarrassed about his past work. Penis (46)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup "The Rachael Ray Show" beat out four time winner "The Ellen Show" for Best Talk Show honors. Dishing in the kitchen apparently trumps armchair chatter (52)
(NYPost) Spiffy Christian Bale in talks to star as Sherwood Forest-lurking villian against Russell Crowe's heroic Sheriff of Nottingham in Ridley Scott's updated "Robin Hood" (86)
(CNN) Interesting Martha Stewart banned from Britain, teeth too perfect (64)
(NYPost) Amusing Mike Myers charms backstage staffers while appearing on "Conan O'Brien" Wednesday night. Just kidding, he throws a hissy fit when they bring him the wrong brand of seltzer water (134)

Fri June 20, 2008
(The Moving Picture) Obvious MPAA not a big fan of Kevin Smith's new movie "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" (98)
(Starpulse) Weird The Rock says that his onscreen kiss with Steve Carell tasted like "cat litter." In related news, The Rock knows what cat litter tastes like (104)
(Variety) Interesting Lisa Lampanelli to do a sitcom pilot for HBO. She'll play a chubby, no-doubt foul-mouthed owner of a comedy club. Throw in some black guys to screw and it's basically her routine (141)
(The Business Sheet) Interesting Broke Britney Spears now flies commercial (41)
(Some Guy) Obvious Adam West says "The Dark Knight" lacks the "Shakespearean" quality of his interpretation of Batman (307)
(Some Guy) Amusing A look back at the Great Archie Comics Experiment of 1989-90, including such failed titles as "Archie 3000" and "Jughead's Time Police" (51)
(Celeb Stoner) Amusing Josh Homme strikes back at critics: "Homophobic? I'm in Queens of the Stone Age for crissake..." (76)
(Telegraph) Sad Another stellar example of how to behave like a lady, by Naomi Campbell (39)
(Fox News) Cool Keira Knightley says that she "always bare(s) my breasts" in her movies, which is a bit like Patrick Stewart asking you if you like how his dreadlocks are growing in (110)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Cumming hailed as inspiration to gay youth" (62)
(My Fox NY) Followup Fired newscaster sues station for making her go on Dr. Phil. Wait... that's an option? (52)
(Reuters) Stupid Sarah Silverman and Norm MacDonald to be on the panel of the new "Match Game." I have a feeling that they're going to ____ this up (87)
(The Sun) Scary TB or not TB? That is the question (65)
(Some Guy) Spiffy West Nyack theater to play "Dark Knight" for seventy-two hours straight. Penguin overheard saying nyack nyack nyack (25)
(The Local (Germany)) Obvious Nick Hornby says he prefers reading to Germans. Which is not surprising, since submitter prefers just about anything to Germans (27)
(Reuters) Sad Don Cornelius parts with "SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUL Train" (34)
(Gawker) Obvious Forget "Speed Racer." Don't even think about "The Happening." When the dust clears, "The Love Guru" will be the worst movie of the summer (117)
(SFGate) Obvious Would you believe, it stinks (64)
(Defamer) Scary Anne Hathaway wants to face Kate Hudson in a Celebrity Thunderdome match (63)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Because Britney Spears has managed her lovelife so well, she will put her limitless expertise to good use and play matchmaker for her 31-year-old brother (16)

Thu June 19, 2008
(Some Guttenberg) Caption Caption whatever's making Steve Guttenberg go batshiat (90)
(NBC San Diego) Spiffy Museum's Star Trek exhibit set to stun (31)
(Some Guy) Misc Toby Keith says his new movie "Beer for My Horses" is "a dream come true" (42)
(Showbiz Spy) Dumbass Actor and animal lover Alec Baldwin urges tourists not to take horse and carriage rides in New York, but instead pick up a few loose joints and a bottle of Boone's Farm and enjoy the city wino-style (33)
(Contact Music) Stupid As if she hasn't been overexposed enough already, Janet Jackson is set to star in an MTV reality show (11)
(Contact Music) Cool Despite being eight feet tall, Uma Thurman will be coming to the small screen (22)
(CNN) Asinine If you can attract a million viewers a month to your film on YouTube, you can make several thousand dollars. And in just thirty or forty short years, you can recoup all the money you spent making it (20)
(Contact Music) Interesting If you're a "Lost" cast member, getting a DUI would mean that your character would be unceremoniously killed. If you're a "Rescue Me" cast member, getting arrested for drugs is "business as usual" (15)
(Some Guy) Interesting Little known actress seeks to raise profile by admitting to having girl lust for Natalie Portman. It works(some NSFW-ish sidebar pics) (32)
(CNN) Stupid Baltimore Museum decides that tattooed skanks are works of art (24)
(The Superficial) Amusing You wouldn't like Steve Guttenberg when he's angry (52)
(Onion AV Club) Interesting The Onion AV Club examines the meteoric rise and equally incredible fall of Troy Duffy, director of "The Boondock Saints" and subject of "Overnight" (59)
(The Sun) Obvious Will Smith's new movie "Hancock" has a billboard wardrobe malfunction. The Sun is there. PENIS (211)
(ABC News) Stupid Coming to TV this summer: "Hurl", a show in which people gorge themselves and are put in a spinner, the "winner" being whoever pukes last. Expected air date for "Oww My Balls" moved up to Fall '09 (190)
(CBS News) Ironic If you get fired for bragging on MySpace about arresting John Michael Montgomery for DUI, you probably shouldn't drive drunk (71)
(MTV) Followup Break out the candy cigars, Jamie Lynn had a girl (108)
(Fox News) Obvious George Michael tells a reporter that gay marriage in the US is long overdue and then excuses himself to go find a restroom (19)
(Now Magazine) Amusing TV chef Gordon Ramsay compares his French ex-girlfriend's pubic region to a Parisian park twice the size of Central Park (43)
(Some Guy) Stupid Heather Mills has removed all Paul McCartney and Beatles songs from her iPod because they sadly remind her of when they were together and formed a tripod (48)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Classic 1950s British game show "Double Your Money" may return with Richard Madeley as the new host. He'll be just like Hughie Green, except Madeley won't be the father of a illegitimate daughter (10)
(nbc10) Misc Slideshow of Before and After celebrity plastic surgery photos. Last slide proves that Ashlee's surgeon should be given a gold medal (255)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Charlotte Church says she's knocked up the duff again, will provide plenty more opportunities to motorboat her huge milky orbs (39)
(Now Magazine) Interesting David Beckham strips off for Emporio Armani again and sports a sizeable bulge. The wonders of Photoshop (36)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Charlie Sheen apologises to Denise Richards for calling her a "f***ing c***." He wishes he'd called her a "stupid f***ing c***" instead (35)
(Bitten and Bound) Obvious Leave it to a Brazilian supermodel to look stunning in late pregnancy. Matthew McConaughey is one lucky surfer dude (34)
(Now Magazine) Amusing "Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe gets a butt-toning machine, so his saggy ass won't drag on the Broadway boards (46)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Amusing "People had to survive the Holocaust to hold those responsible, responsible. (The Love Guru) isn't as bad as the Holocaust. Nothing could be. But in the realm of film going experiences - it's a third trimester abortion." (84)
(Jakarta Post) Interesting Isolated Bali jungle seamstresses describe getting hired to create 200 new Starfleet uniforms for "Star Trek XI." At one point, there were "dozens of women rubbing the fabrics with rocks" (56)
(Contact Music) Scary Gerard Butler scares away dream girl. Maybe he shouldn't have yelled "THIS - IS - PASTAAAAAAAAAA" at the restaurant (42)
(Some Guy) Obvious Matthew Perry's next cancelled TV show announced (35)

Wed June 18, 2008
(MSNBC) Silly Celebrity psychic Uri Geller loses federal lawsuit after attempting to buy Elvis Presley's house on eBay. Who didn't see that coming? (23)
(People Magazine) Sad Tori Spelling mourns the death of her beloved pug, the only creature in her house uglier than her (83)
(Defamer) Amusing Famous actor can't get a cab in NYC. Clearly, cabbies are biased against chubby white guys who played John Adams (68)
(Now Magazine) Amusing "Saved By The Bell" star Mario Lopez's ex-girlfriend is upset by claims he cheated on her with Hooters waitress Meaghan Cooper. "At least it wasn't Divine Brown," she says (45)
(Cinematical) Weird Bobcat Goldthwait will attempt to make Robin Williams funny again (50)
(LA Times) Obvious Movie critics ponder when they should stop warning readers about spoilers in their reviews. In related news, Snape kills Dumbledore (117)
(Radar Magazine) Cool Heather Thomas, the actress most famous for her pink bikini poster, is also a writer and one damn smart cookie (83)
(Sun Sentinel) Asinine Lynne Spears' parenting book to be released this fall to coincide with a birth by one unwed teenage daughter, restored visitation with children of the other daughter (52)
(Bitten and Bound) Amusing Debra Messing has stolen Aunt Ruthie's bathrobe (46)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Obvious Spike Lee's new film is about a black time traveler that goes back in time to save his father from dying, then kill Reggie Miller prior to the 1995 NBA playoffs (71)
(Starpulse) Strange Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick's son bans the word "fat" from the household, insists the word upsets him more than anything. Submitter thought "glue factory" would rattle him more (89)
(Austin 360) Hero Hoping for pictures or an autograph, Jennifer Lopez surprised a group of eight autistic kids by performing at their elementary school graduation (63)
(Metro) Asinine Mel B writes revenge song about her deadbeat baby daddy Eddie Murphy. Murphy hopes the seven people who buy Mel B's music aren't the same seven people who still go to see his movies (28)
(Starpulse) Cool Bono and Bob Geldof wag their accusing fingers at reports showing lags in Aid For Africa By Rich Nations. So the pompous, ego-driven singer has spoken again, but God forbid he leverages his notoriety to get things done. So why the Bono hate? (67)
(Now Magazine) Cool David Hasselhoff wants to buy a castle and call it the "Hassel Castle" (26)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Joan Rivers thrown off a live TV show for swearing. She thought her swearing would be bleeped out. Doesn't understand the concept of "live TV" (38)
(CNN) Misc Billy Ray Cyrus manages to sound right on, and creepy, at the same time (40)
(Some Guy) Interesting J.J. Abrams to develop big-screen adaptation of last Friday's New York Times article about a real-life 1920s apartment filled with bizarre clues to unknown mystery (w/ pics) (40)
(nbc10) Sad Slideshow of movies that give permission to men to shed a tear. "There's Something About Mary" zipper scene strangely absent (176)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Eminem announces that he has run out of money (102)
(New Zealand Herald) Dumbass Calvin Klein male model confesses he had Elle Macpherson naked but couldn't achieve a woody (40)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Amusing Seth MacFarlane answers "Family Guy" burning questions. Says Stewie's sexual orientation will be revealed in a movie and that Jon Stewart is pissed at him (77)
(Wired) Spiffy First peek at DC Comics' new lesbian Batwoman (52)
(Entertainment Weekly) Dumbass "Wayne's World" director says Mike Myers is an emotionally needy egotistical jerk: "You should have heard him biatching when I was trying to do that 'Bohemian Rhapsody' scene" (78)
(Some Guy) Video New "Dark Knight" video clip reveals Two Face, kind of. Half, if you will (83)

Tue June 17, 2008
(USA Today) Spiffy Lou Ferrigno interview about his life as the Incredible Hulk (32)
(WWTDD) Amusing Jennifer Aniston fears that she is not as pretty as Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Goodwin, Scarlett Johanson, Jennifer Connelly, John Barrymore, Billy Connolly (69)
(Wall Street Journal) Silly English teenagers, intrigued by what they see on "My Super Sweet 16", "American Pie" and "The O.C.", import high school prom tradition from USA, complete with limos (35)
(Dlisted) Amusing What a Fark party would look like if Mickey Rourke hosted. N-SFW sweaty leather-vested drunken pics (18)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Obvious Showtime's "Weeds" and "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" score great ratings. Huh, who would have thought drugs and hookers would be popular? (36)
(Wired) Cool Neil Gaiman's best-selling children's book "Coraline" coming soon to a gaming system near you (34)
(Guardian.com) Sad Cyd Charisse dead at 86. So long, legs (49)
(ABC News) Cool George Takei was first in line to buy a marriage license, will wed his partner on 9/14. La Reigne Blanche will be the ring bearer, and Ricardo Montalban will give away the bride. Oh myyyyyyy (48)
(WWTDD) Stupid Mark Wahlberg: "Hey George Clooney, the 'Ocean's' movies suck." George Clooney: "Dude, you're in 'The Happening,' for Christ's sake" (104)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing ABC's fall schedule only has two new shows: One David E. Kelley timebomb and a game show. Oh yeah, and they picked up "Scrubs" (40)
(CNN) Unlikely M. Night Shyamalan has taken to referring to his new film "The Happening" as "the best B movie you will ever see." Sir, I know Bruce Campbell, Bruce Campbell is a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Bruce Campbell (69)
(Entertainment Weekly) Interesting Entertainment Weekly picks the top 25 movie hookers of all time. Actual movie whores like George Lucas unfortunately not included (40)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Actress Anne Hathaway breaks up with her much-indicted boyfriend, is seeking a replacement in order to keep those persistent rumors at bay (81)
(MTV) PSA Director thinks The Hulk should be the main villian in upcoming "Avengers" movie (79)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool "Battlestar Galactica" nerd to be the head KNIGHT Industries nerd in the relaunched version of the failed re-launching of "Knight Rider" (25)
(Breitbart.com) Followup Prosecutors decline to pursue criminal case against Britney Spears for running over foot of photographer. Surprisingly, it turns out she was driving responsibly (13)
(Kotaku) Interesting Atari brings "Deer Hunter" online, so you may now play a Russian roulette tournament with gamers from around the world (39)
(Starpulse) Spiffy The top 10 celebrity Playboy bunnies. Difficulty: Rachel Hunter (64)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Police arrest protesters after attack on MTV office in India, where producers are gearing up for "The Real World: Mumbai," which will feature the first cow as a roommate (53)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool Kelly Ripa and her hunk husband did the red carpet in NYC last night at the Heroes For Hope Gala. Hot stuff, that couple. Never mind her funky hairdo -- glam is glam (38)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Liv Tyler says she hates the skin-tight trousers her dad Steven Tyler wears on stage (41)
(Some Guy) Scary Aretha Franklin to headline Newport Jazz Festival, eat the audience (40)
(AP) Interesting Tuskegee Airmen to be subjected to George Lucas' lack of vision (36)
(NYPost) Cool On impulse, Paris Hilton wants to buy a puppy. Pet store employees, the greatest American heroes ever, tell her she can't. She pitches a hissy (71)
(Starpulse) Dumbass Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age needs a sense of humor: Having bottles thrown at you is no fun, but frankly, do you have to act like such a queen? (with NSFW language vid) (76)
(SFGate) Unlikely Oprah Winfrey to graduates: "Having a lot of money does not automatically make one a successful person." Thanks for the advice, woman with so much money she could gold-plate her minge (25)
(Metro) Strange P Diddy says a smooth scrotum is the key to keeping the ladies happy (55)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Grey-haired, 52-year-old Billy Bob Thornton says his ex Angelina Jolie will leave Brad Pitt and go back to him (39)
(Some Guy) Obvious Believe it or not, the Greatest American Hero is joining "Heroes" (40)
(Metro) Obvious Keira Knightley's mom wants you to LEAVE KEIRA ALONE (61)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Sad Trend: Viewers increasingly watch morning-to-dusk reality marathons of shows like "Bachelor" and "Rock of Love." Otherwise known as "Saturday" (30)

Mon June 16, 2008
(E! Online) Amusing Bonnaroo doesn't care about black people (87)
(Variety) Sad Goodnight, fx man. Movie make-up legend Stan Winston dies at 62 (81)
(Contact Music) Spiffy Johnny Depp keeps his promise and gives a young fan his fedora from the new gangster film "Public Enemies" (42)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Now that "Land of the Lost" has been confirmed for the silver screen, what other Krofft properties are up for the same treatment? If you said Sigmund and H.R. Pufnstuff, then put down the bong and pat yourself on the back, man (41)
(Starpulse) Strange Katie Holmes receives advice from peers before making her Broadway debut. Strangely, "don't even bother trying this" isn't among the tips (21)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting "Battlestar Galactica" gets big ratings for the midseason finale. High ratings are not expected next season since all the viewers are killing themselves (186)
(Gawker) Silly And now, for their next trick, Entertainment Weekly will make Angelina Jolie's mole DISAPPEAR (31)
(Guardian.com) Spiffy Hollywood finally greenlights soon-to-be-epic "Cowboys and Aliens," starring Robert Downey Jr (57)
(Entertainment Weekly) Followup Entertainment Weekly writer defends himself against angry readers after he included "Jurassic Park" and "Blade Runner" on his list of sci-fi misfires (153)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Mischa Barton steps out in a black miniskirt, revealing her pasty, doughy thighs. The sun wasn't there (100)
(Dude, she's still 15) Amusing Miley Cyrus photographed in bed with 22-year-old backup dancer... yup, she's still 15 (137)
(Reuters) Cool "Robotech" coming to the big screen for those in need of a little protoculture (121)
(London Times) Ironic Pope bans Tom Hanks' "Da Vinci Code" sequel from Vatican locations, calling it a "phantasmagorical cocktail of inventions." You know what else is a phantasmagorical cocktail of inventions? (425)
(TMZ) Scary TMZ proudly brings you the Hogan's family recorded phone threat. Apparently the victim's family are not taking too kindly to the Hulkster's comments on their son's vegetative state being part of God's master plan (36)
(Metro) Obvious Pamela Anderson says she landed her "Baywatch" role by not wearing a bra to the audition. We already knew it wasn't because of her incredible acting skills (34)
(Now Magazine) Interesting Stick-thin Harry Potter star Emma Watson will replace ultra stick-thin Keira Knightley as the face of Chanel. That's only slightly better -- like being told you've got syphilis instead of leprosy (88)
(The Sun) Cool John Lydon announces there could be a new Sex Pistols album, takes a swipe at Coldplay: "I met them a few years ago, said hello and realised they were just men in anoraks. They looked like a gang of little poncy masturbators" (156)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Katie Couric mentioned as possible successor to Tim Russert on "Meet the Press." Guests to be grilled with questions like "What were you like in high school?" and "Does this outfit make me look fat?" (90)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Victoria Beckham is a bad kisser, according to bloated, dead-eyed, former child star Corey Haim (with bloated, dead-eyed, former child star pic goodness) (48)

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