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Sun May 18, 2008
(Bitten and Bound) Cool Prince Caspian brings Iron Man to his knees at the weekend box office. Who's your Aslan now, Tony Stark? (44)
(Bitten and Bound) Spiffy This season's top ten "American Idol" contestants are all spruced up for their tour photo shoot. Who says you can't make a silk purse? (15)
(CBS 2 Lost Angeles) Obvious Just how bad is "Speed Racer"? In two weeks of release, it's still made $4 million less than "Harold & Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay" (81)
(Cinematical) Stupid MGM to remake "Red Dawn," and in the roles of the Soviets, say hello to al-Qaeda. Swayze wept (82)
(Japan Times) Interesting Comic book legend Stan Lee enters anime and manga market with new superhero stories written for Japanese audience. Excelsior, Domo-kun (15)
(AP) PSA "It really looked like they were going through the motions. It really looked like no one had their heart in it." The new Indiana Jones movie gets a showing at Cannes (45)
(Seattle Times) Amusing "Sex and the City" tours of NYC becoming increasingly popular with vapid trollops (41)
(Some Guy) Obvious "I haven't even told Steven or Harrison this, but I have an idea to make Shia the lead character next time and have Harrison come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out" (69)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Sci-Fi Channel may create up to three new "Battlestar Galactica" movies to distract everyone from realizing they won't show the second half of Season Four until 2009 (46)
(Some Guy) Silly No idea what is going on in today's "Opus," but at least it's quite clear Berke Breathed needs to be medicated (48)
(Some Happy Tfette) Spiffy George Takei to marry long term partner. Wedding planner sets phasers to stunning (79)
(EURweb.com) Dumbass Highly-pitied fool may play Mr. T's role in upcoming A-Team movie. Prediction: Pain (44)
(Some Guy) Silly "Saw VI" news. In related news, "Saw VI" (46)

Sat May 17, 2008
(Daily Stab) Interesting Laura Dern set to run with the Dinosaurs in "Jurassic Park 4" (66)
(Celebitchy) Obvious Will Smith's new private school is based almost entirely on Scientology without actually mentioning Scientology (106)
(Canoe) Obvious Canadian government wants to stop funding crappy movies, and Uwe Boll is complaining almost louder than those who paid actual money to see Bloodrayne (36)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Will Elder, original satirical cartoonist for Mad Magazine, dead at 86 (30)
(Sci Fi) Misc J.J. Abrams isn't interested in making a sequel to "Cloverfield." "We'll see. I know the studio wants it" (88)
(Some Guy) Misc "Spider-Man 4" rumored to span two films that will be shot at the same time. You can never get too much Aunt May (50)
(AP) Amusing Signs point to imminent Ashlee Simpson wedding. Apparently the Associated Press is now resorting to the Magic 8-Ball (7)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly Roger Ebert wonders if Nick Cage's new "Bad Lieutenant" is world's fastest remake (53)
(Some Guy) Silly Romulans to be hairless in new "Star Trek" movie. No word on state of Klingon forehead ridges (54)
(Bitten and Bound) Obvious Lance Armstrong has latched onto Kate Hudson. The actress gets named 'Most Beautiful' and right away he has to have her. Owen is reportedly odd man out (38)
(that ringing in your ears) Cool American Tinnitus Association to auction Al Di Meola's guitar on eBay to raise money for research to help victims of Black Sabbath (29)
(The Sun) Sad ♫ Living would be easy if you liked the colors, of my tees. Red gold and green, red gold and greeeeen ♫ (18)
(AP) Spiffy Fun cable television series, successful concert tour, hosting the Academy of Country Music Awards for the tenth time... is there anything country music's favorite redhead can't do? (34)
(CNN) Silly Ryan Seacrest will NOT be the next host of the "Larry King Live" show, but he did have a particularly toadying conversation with Larry concerning dinner plans (2)
(Some Guy) Obvious First review of M. Night Shyamalan's R-rated feature "The Happening": "This is bad in a jaw-dropping 'they can't really be serious, can they?' kind of way." What a twist (77)
(Now Magazine) Stupid Victoria Beckham and Paris Hilton in fashion battle. Anyone want to organise a celebrity death match? (14)
(Telegraph) Followup Lily Allen cracks jokes at the Cannes film festival about recent topless paparazzi photos. Was she embarrassed? "No, it's my body. I heard I was a Page Three girl" (29)
(CNN) Interesting "Lucas proposed an all-out alien flick called 'Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men From Mars.' Spielberg and Ford didn't like that idea." (64)
(YouTube) Amusing The red band trailer for "Tropic Thunder" was just released, and it's farkin hilarious. Not safe for work language (42)

Fri May 16, 2008
(Daily Stab) Obvious Shia LaBeouf, like most men, wants a piece of Natalie Portman (40)
(New Zealand Herald) Amusing Amy Winehouse sends message to hubby, 'please don't divorce me' (42)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Interesting Fox puts top reality shows against CBS' "Survivor" next sesason. Net chairman admits he wants to snuff Mark Burnett's torch once and for all (9)
(Now Magazine) Obvious George Clooney: "Angelina Jolie's kids remind me why I don't want to have children" (41)
(Some Guy) Interesting Lucas says there might be a 5th Indiana Jones and possibly "Howard the Duck 2: Electric Boogaloo" (36)
(Geek Tyrant) Cool Hulk will Fight Wolverine In upcoming Animated Feature from Marvel (70)
(Slashdot) Interesting Indiana Jones and the Reviews of Doom? (111)
(The Star) Weird Finally, an opera with a little something for everyone: Hitler, Uncle Sam, Marilyn Monroe, 35 extras between the ages of 50 and 69 wearing nothing but Mickey Mouse masks. As a bonus, it's set in the smoking ruins of the World Trade Center (73)
(Now Magazine) Silly Angelina Jolie's daughter Zahara thinks she's pregnant with a pig. Actress admits her kids are a little confused (85)
(Breitbart.com) PSA Ray Liotta and Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley refuse to serve in 'illegal Iraq war' (293)
(The Sun) Spiffy Christina Aguilera's still got milk. The Sun is there with a helpful Enlarge button (safe for work) (86)
(BBC) Amusing Doctor Who's David Tennant will be hypnotized tonight on Derren Brown's "Trick or Treat" to believe that he can actually travel in time (18)
(Bitten and Bound) Interesting The latest Seventeen cover girl is a plus size beauty and it wasn't for a lack of skinny mini's (204)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Catherine the Great musical has everything; sex, murder, intrigue...a horse (21)
(Starpulse) Scary Brigitte Nielsen wants to celebrate the 20th anniversary of her Playboy shoot by posing again. Subby'll be in his... bathroom, puking his guts out (36)
(AZCentral) Obvious Brad and Angelina refuse to confirm they are having twins, forcing the media to A) equip paparazzi with X-ray glasses or, B) disguise an ultrasound machine as a Guatemalan orphan in desperate need of a hug (9)
(Games Radar) Amusing Worst celebrity boob jo-- wait, no... worst celebrity CG renders. The pixels have not been kind to these folks (32)
(The London Paper) Cool Sarah Michelle Gellar. Nude. Sorta. Possibly Not safe for work (80)
(Bitten and Bound) Cool Ellen and Portia are tying the knot now that California has overtuned the gay marriage ban. No word on which one will be donning the white dress (74)
(Entertainment Weekly) Weird George Clooney to star in true story of U.S. Army battalion charged with task of killing a goat simply by looking at it (39)
(News Of The World) Ironic Heidi Fleiss, the Hollywood Madam, now lives in a trailer with 20 parrots and likes fat guys. She's still available so she must have her sights set too high (with "do not want" pictures) (260)

Thu May 15, 2008
(Some Guy) Sad NBC cancels "American Top Gear" before it even has a chance to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch (67)
(People Magazine) Obvious Shania Twain and Mutt Lange separate after 14 years of not being seen together. That don't impress me much (96)
(ET Online) Interesting Mel Gibson takes Britney Spears and her father on vacation to Costa Rica with him. Either they're all coming back as Catholics, or drunker than David Hasselhoff in a vodka warehouse (43)
(The Hollywood Reporter) PSA Fox geeks out like a gibbering Comic Con fanboy by annoucing a new fall schedule that includes Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams sci fi thrillers and the return of "Terminator" (98)
(NYPost) Amusing Eliot Spitzer's hooker surfaces on a bus in New Jersey. You stay classy, Ashley. Also, lots of photos of her, in a Fendi belt with Vuitton clutch, which she obviously earned (112)
(Toronto Star) Hero Canadian town gives hero's welcome to local girl who made Playboy Playmate of the Year. (With "thank you, God" pic of her embracing a 12-year-old boy.) (149)
(Some Guy) Amusing Pick Christina Aguilera from a line up of transvestites (103)
(TMZ) Amusing From the attention-whore sculptor who brought you Britney Spears giving birth: An Egyptian-inspired Oprah and her dogs (pic) (16)
(Daily Mail) Strange Amy Winehouse has all charges dropped for smoking crack on video because video analysts can't confirm she was using a glass pipe to smoke crack. That's some fine detective work there, Nigel (17)
(Starpulse) Stupid Mike Judge claims he's ready to make a live-action Beavis and Butt-Head film, expected to suck more than anything that has ever sucked before (257)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing R. Kelly trial shows best ways to avoid getting picked for jury. "R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9/11, but you can't prove it" (58)
(Telegraph) Interesting Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford: "How we brought Indiana Jones back to life" (54)
(AP) Spiffy What do you think of when you think of American treasures? The Declaration of Independence, the Liberty Bell, the Statue of Liberty, Michael Jackson's "Thriller"... wait, huh? (36)
(CNN) Asinine Step 1) Have a major studio create a 3D movie with cute robots. Step 2) Have them model one of the main characters after one of your products. Step 3) Profit? (44)
(Reuters) Interesting Dolly Parton "hurt and humiliated" over Howard Stern stunt; mulls lawsuit, back brace (129)

Wed May 14, 2008
(Daily Mail) Interesting Hollywood star Jodie Foster may have ended her fourteen-year lesbian relationship with film producer Cydney Bernard lickety-split after acknowledging they were a couple (52)
(AP) Obvious Angelina Jolie announces she has twins. Yeah, we noticed. A very nice healthy set of twins (56)
(NJ.com) Interesting Dennis Quaid urges Congress to preserve victims' right to sue. No word if this right covers those who have seen his movies (104)
(TMZ) Asinine Video of Britney Spears rear-ending another vehicle. No, it is not a repeat and can't these people afford chauffeurs? (45)
(SFGate) Spiffy TV sitcoms make you dumb. Findings also show that "According to Jim" can make you so stupid you actually die from forgetting to breathe (204)
(IMDB) Hero Actress Drew Barrymore chases attempted hit-and-run driver after being rear-ended (68)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Obvious CBS experimental phase is officially over, announces fall schedule stuffed with cop shows and sitcoms (51)
(Chicago Tribune) Silly Shia LaBeouf explains his arrest at a Chicago Walgreens. Surprisingly, the explanation wasn't "because I was in Transformers, biatch" (45)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Just so he can be a rock in the shoe of the left-wingers yet again, Michael Moore is preparing a direct sequel to his blockbuster documentary "Fahrenheit 9/11" (214)
(Google) Strange FOX cancels Kelsey Grammer's new sitcom, so naturally the headline reads, "Seinfeld curse strikes again" (65)
(Telegraph) Ironic Lexus to Paul McCartney: Here's your eco-friendly hybrid car. We're sending it to you 7,000 miles by aircraft (47)
(Some Guy) Ironic Ashlee Simpson calls Britney Spears trashy during live radio interview (45)
(AJC.COM) Scary James Garner in hospital after suffering minor stroke. Angel Martin arrested after looting trailer at 29 Cove Road, Malibu (57)
(ABC News) Asinine Erection of porn tax could cause turgid industry to go limp, need cuddling (58)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Scary Not news: Hollywood plans another remake of a classic. News: it's "Bad Lieutenant." Fark: Nicolas Cage is the bad lieutenant. Scary tag is for full frontal Nic (31)
(National Review) Stupid Michelle Malkin's latest target? Beyonce (123)

Tue May 13, 2008
(The Hollywood Reporter) Scary Point Break 2 (145)
(Metro) Dumbass Mariah Carey was late to her own wedding. Her friends call her "Mary Poppins", presumably because she'll take her top off to reinvigorate a dormant career by the age of 46, tops (32)
(Now Magazine) Silly Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell overestimates her writing skills as she tries to rewrite passages from the Bible (70)
(AZCentral) Obvious Denise Richards says she only wants to date passionate men. Based upon John Stamos, Richie Sambora and Charlie Sheen, apparently having good hair and a dong the size of a Thermos probably helps too (54)
(Contact Music) Amusing Shatner says he hated sleeping with "Star Trek" fans because they'd pretend he was beaming them up in bed (138)
(AZCentral) Obvious Anne Hathaway's boyfriend won't face charges of fraud and embezzlement. Missed him by *that* much (45)
(Starpulse) Unlikely Slash says he's enjoying sobriety. Unlikely tag asplodes (30)
(Starpulse) Stupid New Spike TV special "1,000 Ways To Die" sounds pretty cool until you realize they figured out how to get all 1,000 ways into two half-hour specials airing a week apart (29)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Female rapper Remy Ma sentenced to 8 years in prison, should have enough time to think of an original stage name. Bud Weis, Jack Dan and Crown Roy unavailable for comment (50)
(Starpulse) Scary Rodrigo Santoro to play Raul Castro in Steven Soderbergh's Che Guevara biopic. In related news, number of kids wearing Che Guevara t-shirts and still not having a clue he was a murdering communist expected to skyrocket (54)
(Metro) Dumbass Angelina Jolie says she feels "much more" for her adopted kids than for her own little Piloh Shi… I mean Shilot Pitt. Thanks, Mommy Dearest (79)
(CNN) Obvious Newsflash: Indiana Jones is not real (64)
(WTAM) Obvious Funky Bunch reunites without Marky Mark. That's like the Banana Splits getting back together without Fleegle (44)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool The Weinsteins and Ammet Zappa are going down to Fraggle Rock * clap clap * Down to Fraggle Rock (45)
(Ireland Online) Amusing Of all of the films he's been in, Ben Affleck picks the J Lo music video as the one which nearly ruined his career. Here comes the science (77)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Amusing New Fox reality series to disguise sheltered multi-millionaires as homeless and send them undercover to live in ghettos (66)
(Wired) Interesting "Witchblade" becomes the next comic series to make the leap to the big screen (38)
(YouTube) Cool Evolution of science fiction and scantily clad women (28)
(IGN) Cool Don't fear the Reaper... going away, that is. CW picks up "Reaper" for 13-episode, mid-season return (45)
(TBO) Florida Judicial circuit explains why Hulk Hogan did not have to remove his bandana while testifying on behalf of his son. "It would have caused a big scene to have him take it off" (110)
(Stuff) Amusing Flight of the Conchords stars accept an offer from a Scottish lesbian to a "spit roast," thinking they are going to a BBQ (55)
(Daily Mail) Stupid There are stupid tattoos, there are ridiculously stupid tattoos and then there's Brad Pitt, who now has a map of the New Orleans levee system tattooed on his back (with pics) (68)
(First Showing) Cool "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" trailer. You may commence fapping now (51)
(Some Guy) Silly Ex-star Isaiah Washington sues ABC for showing image of him during last week's "Grey's Anatomy." That's so gay (13)
(Some Guy) Boobies Jennifer Aniston suffering from a severe case of nipple-itis bikini pokie (11)
(io9) Spiffy New "Star Trek" movie to finally reveal whatever happened to Spock after he flew off to Romulan space (53)

Mon May 12, 2008
(TV Week) Sad The raping of our childhood continues as CBS brings back The Electric Company (87)
(AP) Obvious Mayor Bloomberg announces the "Ugly Betty" movie being shot in New York will create 200 jobs -- which is the exact number of stylists it takes to make hottie America Ferrera appear unattractive (167)
(TampaBays10.com) Followup Nick Hogan Bollea not being held with other inmates in the jail, which they say has nothing to do with his celebrity status (279)
(Daily Mail) Scary Sarah Jessica Parker wants you to stop with the horseface jokes or she'll throttle you with her 90-year-old woman hands (pic) (139)
(TMZ) Amusing Kim Basinger's law firm addresses Alec Baldwin's comment of Judy Bogen looking like "a 300 pound homunculus..." as being "inaccurate". She only looked to be 200 pounds worth of homunculus, apparently. Homunculus (43)
(Geektyrant.com) Cool Is that Captain America's shield in "Iron Man"? (186)
(Now Magazine) Silly "Saved By The Bell" actor Mario Lopez blames break-up rumours on Britney Spears. Star says press are bored because Britney's behaving (45)
(AP) Cool And you may ask yourself, what is that music coming from the Great Hall of the Battery Maritime Building? (30)
(Now Magazine) Interesting The "Sex And The City" girls are reportedly threatening to boycott tonight's London premiere because it's not taking place in New York. Seems like somebody's trying to squeeze out a salary bonus (30)
(TMZ) Obvious Jennie Garth will return as Kelly on "90210" spinoff, working as a guidance counselor at the high school. Student sex scandal plotline in three... two... one... (41)
(Some Guy) Amusing Best Bill O'Reilly video ever. (Not safe for work language) (154)
(BBC) Dumbass Usher shouts "Hello Manchester!" to audience, is only wrong by 250 miles (49)
(Vanity Gossip) Cool Emmy Rossum is hotter than your average actress (88)

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