In lieu of any real news to report out there, NPR tackles the tough issues. Like "Cartman, America's favorite little $@#&*%"	(7)
		Julie Andrew's memoir tells story of her lonely childhood, describes the drug-fueled orgies on the Sound of Music set	(7)
(Some Guy)		Official 2008 Juno Awards discussion	(29)
		7 jokes that turned into reality. It's funny 'cause it's true	(42)
(Sunday Mail)		Ewan McGregor complains of Sean Connery, says he "resented being told how to feel about Scotland by someone who hadn't lived there in 25 years"	(39)
		You might not think Gary Busey snorting cocaine off the back and ass of some biatch is news, but you will once you realize it was his short-haired dog	(25)
		New Canadian porn awards show includes categories including Best Smutty Schoolteacher and Golden Beaver Award for Canadian Content (SFW)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Time to pry the gun out	(1152)

		In honor of Martin Scorsese's new Rolling Stones concert film, here's a breakdown of all the Stones songs in Scorsese films. (not a slideshow)	(20)
		New York City apartment dwellers pissed off at Renee Zellweger for being a laundry room hog. They had her at "GET THE FARK OUT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM"	(37)
		Thandie Newton will play Condeleezza Rice in upcoming Bush film. She can suck the constitution through a garden hose	(50)
		New TV show pits real plaintiffs vs. real defendants, but comedians such as Paul Rodriguez & Tom Arnold as their lawyers	(25)
		The greatest science-fiction show on television is back. Tom Servo unavailable for comment	(139)
		Discovery Channel moves "Dirty Jobs" to Monday nights. No word if this move will affect the other 43 times it's on during the rest of the week	(65)
		Frank Miller's new comic portrayal of Batman is raising eyebrows for painting Bruce Wayne as a bitter, unhinged psychopath. This is not a repeat from 1986	(101)
		Thomas Haden Church: serial flasher	(14)
		Bobby Brown on his autobiography: "I don't have anything bad to say about [Whitney Houston]. She should have no worries. There's no mess in this book." Whitney Houston: "KISS MY ASS"	(20)
		Kid playing "The Office" theme on piano gets posted to YouTube. Kid dies of complications from the flu a few weeks later, so last night's show is dedicated to him	(44)
		Stephen King weighs in on politicians' current video game controversy. "There's a lot more to America's culture of violence than Resident Evil 4"	(80)
		Leo DiCaprio purchases an eco-friendly condo in NYC. Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin expected to move in any day now	(13)
		Shakira sex tape is April Fools Day hoax	(43)

(Some Beet Freak)		Spin-off of The Office in the works. Long, awkward silence as NBC searches England for an idea	(50)
		LAPD shows up after morning radio hosts pretend to tattoo a baby on the air. "April Fool" is no longer an acceptable defense in 2008	(25)
		First-ever full-length concert DVD starring Britain's most famous boy band set for summer release	(39)
		Britney Spears isn't promoting Bally Total Fitness, makes it clear that she prefers cheese curls to arm curls	(8)
		We apologise again for the bad review we gave your game. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked	(31)
(CHUD)		How hipster douchebags and fratboys everywhere ruined "Fight Club" for the rest of us	(77)
		Official Battlestar Galactica Premiere discussion thread. Post your frak on Fark	(275)
(io9)		Movie based on Dan Simmons' "Hyperion" novels in the works. Geek excitement to be dashed by inevitable news of Keanu Reeves cast as the Shrike	(49)
		"King of the Hill" renewed for 13 more episodes. New episode titles will include, "Who Watches Us?", "No, Seriously, Who?" and "Bobby Discovers Internet Porn"	(158)
		"Our Gang" actress who played Darla dies at 87; dismayed to find "No Girlz Allowd" sign at pearly gates	(49)
		"Clerks may be the only $25,000 movie ever made that leaves people wondering where all that money went."	(133)
		"Flashdance" breakdancer "Frosty Freeze" goes to the big spit-lubed, flattened cardboard box in the sky at 44. Goodnight, Runningman	(25)
		NBC learned from the mistakes with "Bionic Woman" and won't let "Knight Rider" disappoint creatively. Also, they've made the car less gay, the star less hairy, and the theme song less like an 80's techno tune	(39)
(Some Guy)		The Hollywood shiat-storm of non-creativity rolls on as 80's robot comedy "Short Circuit" scheduled for remake	(60)
		Kathleen Turner apologises to Nicolas Cage for claiming he stole a chihuahua, insinuating he was homosexual	(26)
		The numbers show the people actually watched more TV during the writers strike	(38)
		The name's NOM. OM NOM NOM NOM	(40)
		Now, the night that Bruce Willis reunites with Ving Rhames for a sci-fi film, he may feel a slight sting. That's pride farkin' with him. Fark pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps	(46)
(NY Daily News)		Tom Cruise upset at new strain of medical marijuana named after him. A couple hits and you're shilling for Scientology and wrestling other guys naked	(44)
(Some Violent Gal)		Caption this lady killer	(96)
		Lil Jon wants you to get crunked off his new line of wines: "This is not no ghetto Boone's Farm; this is some real wine"	(54)
(Uncut)		Elvis Costello get his own show on television television	(45)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Hot Big Brother contestant makes late night visit to female friend's house for chick-on-chick action. Fark: Other chick was Amy Winehouse	(114)
(Hollywood Crap)		Hulk Hogan's manly new girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel looks just like daughter Brooke Hogan	(49)
		Old news: Sonny Bono died of injuries from a skiing accident. New news: Sonny Bono was clubbed to death	(55)

		Teri Hatcher to sing on "American Idol Gives Back." Be afraid. Be very afraid	(20)
		Javier Bardem's masculinity takes a massive hit when Francis Ford Coppola replaces him with Spanish actress Carmen Maura	(17)
		Tom Hanks quits Frank Darabont adaptation of "Fahrenheit 451." Darabont remarks, "The last time he quit one of my movies, I made 'The Shawshank Redemption,' so fark him"	(117)
		George Lucas on the new Indiana Jones movie: "Meh"	(71)
(Superhero Hype)		Brendan Fraser and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson may join the cast of the G.I. Joe movie you know won't be very good but will watch anyway. AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE	(60)
		Model Naomi Campbell removed from plane for handing out flowers, fuzzy puppies and hugs to fellow passengers	(26)
		Kevin Federline quashes rumors that he's rekindling his relationship with the batshiat crazy mother of his children	(10)
		"ER" set to begin "final season" next year. Just like last year. And the year before it. It's sort of like Cher's farewell tour, really	(43)
(Tmz)		Joe Pesci honors the "Goodfellas" tradition by kicking the ever-loving shiat out of a paparazzi . Nobody messes with Tommy DeVito	(57)
		A once completely-out-of-ideas Hollywood is starting to show signs of bouncing back-- no, just kidding, they're planning a remake of "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"	(56)
		ABC greenlights three sitcoms you won't watch. However, you might watch the ABC Family show with Molly Ringwald and Winston from "Ghostbusters"	(30)
		Matthew McConaughey = Magnum PI??	(79)
		Al Roker set to become new host of "Family Feud." What could possibly go wrong?	(34)
(If It's Movies)		A plethora of new "Hellboy 2" images makes their way on the Net	(48)
		No new "Lost" tonight, so here's a critique of Season Four so far, and the mystery of Waaaalt	(93)
		Jen Aniston is currently auditioning Orlando Bloom to play the role of Brad Pitt in her personal life	(59)
		Bobby Brown claims Whitney Houston got him hooked on cocaine and only married him to stop rumors that she was having a bisexual relationship with her assistant. Giggity	(41)
		Britney goes shopping with her t-shirt inside-out. The Daily Mail is there	(35)
(AJC)		Jerry Seinfeld in roll-over car accident. That's a shame	(100)
		Kiefer Sutherland romantically involved with magazine boss Siobhan Bonnouvrier. Gesundheit	(21)
		Sexy Shakira, possibily the only celebrity who didn't have a sex tape has remedied that situation	(127)
(TMZ)		Obama aims to get all his kiss-of-death endorsements over with this week, as Jane Fonda decides to straddle his cannon. So to speak	(182)
		"Ain't no difference if they're a vampire, a dinosaur, a mutant; if they're doing wrong, then it needs Mr. T to set things straight with a swift right"	(15)
		Pamela Anderson refuses to act alongside a dog. In other news, somebody found a dog that would act alongside Pamela Anderson	(69)
(Some Guy)		New Sci-Fi Channel series to be first television show filmed entirely in green-screen. Plot sounds suspiciously familiar	(66)
		Amy Winehouse will bring her crack addiction, scabs and particular brand of crazy to the set of "Dr. Who."	(25)
(New York Observer)		Larry King ejected from 9 year old son's Little League game for being argumentative. In other news Larry King has a 9-year old son and "Bronx spiciness"	(14)
		Mayor of a small town where they're filming the new James Bond movie drives his car onto the set in protest over his village being used in the film. Too bad he wasn't in a position of political power to do something about it	(11)
		Heather Mills dons clever disguise to try and escape photographers - or, All Your Need Is Rug	(8)
(Glosslip)		Sumner Redstone estimates that Tom Cruise’s bizarre behavior cost Paramount $100- $150 million on ‘Mission: Impossible III."It was the best picture of the three, and it did the worst.”	(61)
		Canada to refuse Paris Hilton entry, unlike anything she's ever done	(19)
		First hands-on impressions of GTA IV	(66)

(NY Times)		Good: NY Times reporter tries to stop illegal marketing. Bad: Gets attacked by illegal marketers. Worse: The amount of publicity they get from this article would cost thousands	(64)
(If It's Movies)		Awesome new 'Dark Knight' photos of Heath Ledger as The Joker	(66)
		Former Google exec running EMI's digital unit is okay with file sharing	(13)
		Hugh Downs says ratings pressure causes TV news to pursue more tabloid fare. Barbara Walters would slap her forehead and yell, "Duh" except for the fact that she might turn into dust	(21)
(Some Guy)		OK magazine has the scoop and cover photo on Britney's "secret diet plan" that helped her lose 15 lbs in four weeks: Cut and paste photo from 2003	(20)
		Weezer's newest album called "Weezer" for the 3rd time in six album. To be refered to as the "Red" album, fans are still eagerly awaiting the "yellow" album about Rivers Cuomo's infatuation with asian women	(52)
(Some Guy)		Borat Defamation Lawsuit Dismissed. Very Niiiice	(118)
		Now that Robin Williams' ugly-as-sin wife has left him, he's free to date a hot 27-year-old artist	(31)
(NBC 10)		Wow... see where child stars are now	(71)
(TV Guide)		Good news: NBC renews "Friday Night Lights." Odd news: "Saturday Night Live" to air on Thursday nights in the fall, so it can be crappy two days earlier	(29)
(Some Guy)		Woman resists arrest blah blah blah gets probation blah blah blah happens to be a hot model who posed in Playboy. Why didn't you say so in the first place? (With very hittable pic and link to other photo)	(252)
(Cinematical)		Asian-Americans angry with makers of "21" for changing the ethnicities of its main characters. Every other racial group angry with makers of "21" for managing to make a boring piece of shiat out of such an awesome story	(63)
		A guide to Season 3 of "Battlestar Galactica." Caution: Cylons are using their dreaded slideshow weapon	(106)
		The Rolling Stones went against Martin Scorsese's wishes and got their film released in Imax format. 52-foot-tall closeups of Keith Richards officially reclassify film as horror instead of documentary	(16)
		Jenny McCarthy... definitely... gotta get new underwear	(177)
		Abigail Breslin raises $150 for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals with a swear box on the set of her latest film. Thanks, Gerard Butler	(27)
(Heckler Spray.com)		Jay-Z and Beyonce definitely maybe getting married probably	(20)
(Some Guy)		More trouble for Amy Winehouse. This time she's being tormented by demons	(42)
(NY Daily News)		Sarah Jessica Parker says the outer boroughs of NYC becoming more attractive than Manhattan due to lower cost of living, proximity to Belmont Park	(78)
		Jobs that Farkers could only dream about: Gisele Bündchen butt polisher. (bottom photo)	(58)
		This year on TV screens around the world: Sex, sex, more sex. This year on TV screens in the USA: Crap, crap, more crap. Thanks, FCC	(59)
		Interviews with billionaire publishers are generally pretty dull -- until one starts talking about fondness for whores, his crack addiction and then confesses to killing a man	(71)
		The war on global terrorism is lost as Pipefest 2010 plans to have 12,000 bagpipe players pipe for 24 hours worldwide, including hotspots of Scots culture like Hong Kong, Islamabad and Reykjavik	(44)
		A Dallas "multimedia artist" named Paul Slocum spent three years of his life paying actors from Craigslist to reenact a 10-second scene from "Full House." No, this is not an April Fools' joke a few hours late	(80)
		John McCain reminds David Letterman of "the guy at the hardware store that makes the keys." McCain: "Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities"	(62)
		On New Year's Eve 2008, after 35 years on radio and TV, the show that brought us Mike from Canmore, Sgt. Renfrew of the RCMP and the Chicken Cannon -- Canada's Weapon of Messy Destruction -- will air for the final time	(74)
		Matthew McConaughey wants to die making love and then be reincarnated as a jaguar. In other news, Matthew McConaughey is out his damn mind	(44)
		Keanu Reeves has talked to Alex Winter about "Bill & Ted 3." In related news, Alex Winter is still alive	(68)

(Socialite Life)		If you wanted to know Amy Winehouse's secret for keeping her skin so smooth and clear, urine for a surprise	(40)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Man goes on vacation, learns how to ski. Fark: It's Stevie Wonder	(19)
		Velvet Revolver gives Scott Weiland the boot	(93)
		Jodie Foster hooked on "Guitar Hero." In related news, Anthony Hopkins has mad skills on "Dance Dance Revolution"	(32)
(Some Time Looper)		Prepare to read a "Lost" theory so nutty, so convoluted and hard to follow, so devious and clever, that surely after the "Lost" writers click this link, it will be in Season 5	(65)
		New Mena Suvari bikini pics show she has a flat chest, stubby little legs, and bad tattoos, but it's a good bet she can crack walnuts with that ass. Probably not safe for work	(82)
		Game shows and programs with sex are the world's favorite, prompting the newest Fox summer replacement programs, "Are You Sexier Than a Fifth-Grader" and "The Moment of Disrobing"	(26)
		ABC's summer lineup is full of crap you won't watch	(28)
(Celebridiot)		Hulk Hogan is dating his daughter's look-a-like and even rednecks feel a cold chill up their spine	(60)
		Adam Sandler broke his ankle playing basketball over the weekend. Now we can expect a hilarious new comedy where Adam Sandler plays a down-on-his-luck basketball player who overcomes the adversity of breaking his ankle	(26)
		Complications of throat surgery have left Roger Ebert without the ability to speak. He tells reporters that he will continue write columns because he still has his love of movies and the urge to poke Uwe Boll in the eye with a sharp stick	(46)
(Some Guy)		Better start Hangin' Tough again -- The New Kids on the Block are scheduling a reunion tour: Old Guys on Their Lawn	(55)
		Britney Spears is back with old manager Larry Rudolph. Sam Lutfi is said to be schmoozing Amy Winehouse	(28)
(NY Daily News)		Katee Sackhoff says the only way you'll ever see her and Starbuck together again is if she's in the mood for strong, crappy coffee and her finger is covering the last "s"	(148)
		Dutch lawmaker will edit Mohammed cartoons from his anti-Islam film after receiving threats from the only group scarier than angry Muslims: Copyright holders	(112)
		Dane Cook steals other comedians’ jokes, gets thrown out of steak house after sending his steak back three times, makes diva-like demands and isn't funny	(186)
(Some Archaeologist)		Caption Harrison Ford, enjoying a good Slime-ing	(100)
		Woman arrested for stalking John Cusack. Boom box and Peter Gabriel tapes confiscated	(23)
		Because "Everybody Loves Raymond" wasn't enough, TNT will bring you a new Ray Romano series. Lucky us	(56)
		Madonna: "New York City doesn't feel alive, crackling with that synergy between the art world and music world and fashion world that was happening in the '80s." New York City: "Fark you, too"	(55)
		Howard Shore confirmed to be the composer of "The Hobbit"	(25)
		Gordon f*cking Ramsay vows to ban f*cking swearing in all his f*cking restaurants because those g*ddamn b*stards in Australia are a bunch of f*cking wankers	(36)

		Apparently unfamiliar with the technical terms "batshiat insane" and "lost cause," PETA offers a receptionist job to Britney Spears	(44)
		Slash wants you to know he is the last of the "identifiable" icons of rock 'n' roll, everybody sucks except Jack White and he really hates emo	(258)
		No matter how beguiling Seth Rogen's advances are, Katherine Heigl's not leaving "Grey's Anatomy"	(19)
(The Dirty)		Nick Lachey and Matt Leinert display fine judgment by doing beer bongs and hot tubbing with a bunch of underage co-eds	(42)
		Sarah Michelle Gellar tried to keep one of the props from her new film. A film in which she plays a porn star. Wonder what kind of "prop" it was	(23)
(postchronicle.com)		Johnny Depp might be the new face of Trojan condoms... figuratively	(29)
		Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are embroiled in a fight over their fortune. Since there are few details, we can only assume Ashley wanted to spend some of it on food	(41)
		Old and busted: Recent failed NBC re-launch of "Knight Rider." New hotness: Re-launching the re-launch of "Knight Rider"	(102)
		Paul McCartney spotted vacationing with New York heiress. At least they could ride bikes together. (With VERY hittable pic)	(51)
		Black Sabbath rocker Ozzy Osbourne's wife Sharon did daughter Kelly a favour by punching her	(94)
		Hayden Panettiere rewarded for interfering with other cultures	(67)
		Janet Jackson goes out in public with freakishly small waist. The Daily Mail is there	(33)
		Tom Cruise wants a fourth "Mission Impossible" because only he can make a fourth "Mission Impossible"	(34)
		Michael Caine says Heath Ledger's Joker "will frighten the life out of people." Perhaps that wasn't the best choice of words	(41)
		Wayans Brothers drop plans for a movie studio and shopping center, get back to brainstorming "Scary Movie 26"	(35)
(Some Guy)		Paul Giamatti in talks to play Turd Blossom in Oliver Stone's upcoming George Bush biopic	(64)
		March 31, 1943: Christopher Walken born in Queens. Break open some fine cham-panya and celebrate	(50)
		Michael Lohan on his daughter Lindsay's decision to star in a film about Charles Manson: "This is a bad decision and I don't know who is telling her to do it." After all, we know that Michael makes only the wisest decisions	(34)
		This new Russian movie has everything	(57)