J.K. Rowling admits she wanted to begin her series with Harry Potter and the Goblet of Valium	(57)
		Jacksowned	(54)
		K-Fed celebrates turning 30 by 'losing all his money' and his voice at a craps table in Las Vegas	(14)
		American Idol judge Paula Abdul isn't into square hair but admits she might fancy Simon Cowell in a twisted Freudian way	(7)
(Some Guy)		Ringo was such a bad drummer, the Beatles are suing to stop the release of tracks when he first joined the band	(96)
		800 people with great personalities show up to audition their dunlops for the casting directors on NBC's weight loss show "The Biggest Loser"	(28)
		Eva Longoria shows off sporty look but forgets her make-up (with I'd still hit it pics)	(47)
		Simon Pegg complains of "sheer lack of respect" from Hollywood after McG-produced American version of "Spaced" goes into production without any input from original creative staff	(56)
(NME)		Fall Out Boy bassist Wentz reveals he attempted suicide a couple years ago. You would too if you had to listen to Stump try to sing	(41)
		One of the reasons the kids are so delirious about Hannah Montana could be the high levels of lead discovered during testing of her licensed products	(13)

		Leonardo DiCaprio to star in first-ever Hollywood adaptation of Huxley's "Brave New World," with Ridley Scott hoping to direct	(70)
		Anne Rice still writing about a guy who returns from the dead and wants you to drink his blood	(35)
		Human Torch says The Fantastic Four are through	(68)
		Britney Spears' clothes from "How I Met Your Mother" to hit the auction block. They will make for fine collectibles, provided that you don't mind the chlymidia and Cheetos dust	(27)
(People Magazine)		Rick Salomon now claims fraud in Pam Anderson marriage. What? Did he think they were real?	(20)
(3NE)		These photos might prove two things, Ashlee Simpson is the hotter sister... and she has horrible taste in men	(74)
(TV Guide)		Jericho is officially canceled. Again	(74)
		"Last week I gave the impression that 10,000 BC was the single worst film I'd seen in the last decade. This week I'd like to humbly apologise – at that point I hadn't seen Meet The Spartans."	(121)

(Some Simpsons)		If the real-life Mario haunted your dreams, wait until you see the untooned Homer Simpson	(62)
		Hot: Famous actress poses topless for magazine. Fark: The actress is Jamie Lee Curtis, and the magazine is AARP	(79)
		The nominees have been announced for this year's Hugo Awards	(48)
		Robert Downey Jr. confirms he shows up as Tony Stark in "The Incredible Hulk"	(35)
		Travel guru Rick Steves agrees to lead campaign against War on Drugs	(65)
		Sarah Michelle Gellar was surprised to find out that her character recently had her first sexual tryst with a woman in the "Buffy" comic book	(57)
		The premise for Oprah's 'Big Give' show may have been a big swipe	(23)
		Woman injured in stampede. Fark: it was for seats at an Oprah show. Farker: she is now suing for $50,000	(17)
		Emma Griffiths: 'I'd love to pillow fight Fearne Cotton naked'	(31)
		Evangeline Lilly of "Lost" endorses a perfume. It smells like saltwater, plot holes, and those hamburgers the fat guy must have found to keep his weight up	(46)
		Graphic novelist and creator of such classics as "From Hell," "League of Extraordinary Gentleman," and "V for Vendetta," wants writers to get off his lawn. With "get off my lawn" pic goodness	(94)
		Heavy-handed, self-righteous Tyler Perry blames money-hungry Hollywood for the lackluster reviews of his mediocre films and sees God as his only ally	(69)
(Cinematical)		The seven best big screen bullies	(81)
		Behold, the first image of Snake Eyes, from the new "G.I. Joe" film	(108)
		History quickly crashes through your veins as Tay Zonday's "Chocolate Rain" wins Best Music Video at the second annual YouTube Video Awards	(38)
		"Married... With Comrades" - Russian television reinvents the Bundy family (includes video)	(25)
		The 10 most historically inaccurate movies ever made. "The Conqueror," the film that gave you John Wayne as Genghis Khan, conspicuously absent	(163)
		The History Channel is History	(97)

(Media Morgue)		Could there be a return of Dirty Harry? Enter the obvious "make my day" response here	(44)
(Some Guy)		Like submitter, Jenna Jameson wants Charlize Theron naked. Unlike submitter, she'll probably get it	(39)
		Start your search engines: Lohan Sex Tape Leak	(46)
		Javier Bardem insists that it's only the movies that make him a sex symbol, since we all know how ladies love a bowlcut-sporting psychopath (w/ bonus quote about Brad Pitt and plumbing)	(22)
(I Don't Like You In That Way)		Britney Spears net worth might be more in league with Gary Coleman's, despite her skimping on shoes and panties	(28)
		In an appeal for new male and female fans Kate Beckinsale goes commando on TV and states she would choose vagina over sushi	(54)
		If you know who Watts, Duckie, and Farmer Ted were then you'll like this ode to the films of John Hughes	(42)
		Remember when Heather Mills promised to donate her "Dancing With The Stars" winnings to charity? Yeah ... Not so much	(30)
		Man found dead on Mel Gibson's property. No word yet on if Gibson expects him to rise again in three days	(17)
		Playwright stages theater in Central Park bathrooms, says he wanted an "intimate" experience for the patrons	(55)
		Judd Apatow will have 4 comedies released this year, covering the spectrum from pot to botched male-female relationships	(30)
		LaBeouf pleads "not guilty" to smoking; "guilty" to poor acting	(26)
		"Bionic Woman" is dead. However, the show's star, the beautiful and sports-bra-wearing Michelle Ryan, is still alive (SFW)	(65)
		Pauly Shore has finally figured out the reason for all his failings	(43)
		If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team: June 12th 2009	(54)
		National Enquirer reports Winona Ryder's steal-fu has regressed from Saks to CVS	(30)
		Paul Scofield has died. Older FARKers knew him as "A Man For All Seasons." Younger FARKers knew him as Mark Van Doren in "Quiz Show." And Brit FARKers knew him as one of the finest stage actors of the 20th century	(31)
		Kristy Lee Cook is the new Sanjaya	(41)
(Some Guy)		Shannon Tweed on Gene Simmons' sexcapades: "He does not have sex with anyone else while we are together. It's a sore spot for me that people think that. Anything that you've ever seen... happened before 1983."	(55)
		Kim Cattrall is ecstatic to be playing her "Sex and the City" character again and was "really longing" to do so. Translation: Kim Cattrall couldn't get any roles after the show ended and is just happy to be working again	(50)
(Some Guy)		Twenty great artists that never reached the age of 30	(155)
(Some Guy)		Arthur C. Clarke to be buried Saturday, ressurrected in 3001 by scientists to investigate strange black monolith	(19)
		Nikki Sixx is dating Kat Von D. The couple have no plans on tattooing the word 'destiny' on each other though; as it is believed that they each already have it inked on them somewhere	(50)
		Amy Winehouse gets naked for photo shoot to raise breast cancer awareness. Will also raise 'heroin tracks are hard to conceal' awareness, 'random boil, sore and blemish' awareness, and 'bad tattoos are forever' awareness	(62)
(Animation Magazine)		Good news everybody, the next Futurama movie - "The Beast With A Billion Backs", will be released on June 24	(45)
(Geeks of Doom)		"Saints" to rise again	(40)
(Some Fed Up Guy)		Ever thought reality TV couldn't get any worse? How about Cindy Margolis performing magic, Ric Flair salsa dancing, or George Takei crooning as a country singer? It's all part of CBS' new "Secret Talents of the Stars"	(37)
		David Cross and Bob Odenkirk of Mr. Show reunite for new HBO series	(142)

		Everyone in Heath's family wants a piece of the ledger	(21)
(IFC: Film News)		Joel Hodgson can build Tom Servo in 30 minutes and other stuff about Cinematic Titanic	(77)
		Colin Farrell calls it quits with blockbuster films claiming he can't handle the pressure	(50)
		Capcom confirms cast of new "Street Fighter" movie. HADOUKEN	(120)
		Patrick Swayze to undergo experimental treatment that will hopefully not end with him being injected with a miniaturized Martin Short	(32)
(CinCity2000.com)		Good news for Fight Club fans: It looks like Chuck Palahniuk's new movie Choke...won't	(43)
		If you want to know what Vanessa Williams does to stay beautiful, urine luck	(36)
		First pictures of Benicio Del Toro in full Wolfman makeup. Or maybe no makeup. It's hard to tell	(36)
(Cartman)		South Park releases every episode online for free	(69)
		"Lost" showrunner Damon Lindelof moderates a panel on NBC's "Chuck" ... which in geek terms, is sort of like Batman moderating a panel on the Green Lantern	(19)
(TwinCities.com)		American Idol's Simon Cowell has come to the rescue of a little girl with cancer. It will ruin his rep	(22)
		Interview with Trey Parker and Matt Stone. They still haven't spoken to Isaac Hayes	(40)
		After being found in a janitor's closet in Japan, 250 pieces of Disney animation art return to the United States after 50 years. Sadly, Walt's cryogenically frozen head not among the finds	(7)
		Court documents reveal Heather Mills' claims to have helped McCartney write songs, songs like "Band on the Hop," "Live and Leg Die"	(52)
(Some Guy)		Kim Kardashian wants to take insurance out on her ass. Considering the pounding it has taken up to now, that's like having collision coverage on a Sherman tank	(47)
		Today's story of a crazy cat lady getting her own TV show brought to you by Portland, Oregon. arddfgdghsahgdjipashdjsa	(40)
(BLOCKBUSTER BUZZ)		Is the Green Lantern headed for cinemas after all?	(47)
		George Carlin was going to be a wholesome standup comic	(66)
		Terry Pratchett talks about the embuggerance that is living with Alzheimers and his "violently coherent fury that made the Miltonic Lucifer's rage against Heaven seem a bit miffed by comparison" on hearing the diagnosis	(53)
		Beau Bridges and Mark Wahlberg to star in the soon-to-be box-office flop, "Max Payne"	(38)
		It wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick: Tina Fey disses Jon Stewart's political humor	(159)
		Jenna Jameson to star in "Zombie Strippers." No word if the way she looks lately has anything to do with the inspiration for the title	(36)
		Police are on the lookout for... Shia LaBeouf?	(33)
(Huffington Post)		PBS interviewer Charlie Rose claims he got cuts and bruises on his face from protecting his Mac -- or he didn't know the answer to "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" either	(20)
(Hollywood Newsroom)		Get your first look at Johnny Depp as John Dillinger in Michael Mann's "Public Enemies"	(39)
		Sarah Jessica Parker stamps her hoof three times to show that she's upset about being voted the "world's unsexiest woman"	(944)
		Jack Ryan might be wielding a chainsaw in his next film, since Sam Raimi will be directing it	(43)
		Robin Williams to talk really fast and impersonate 30 people in the 200th episode of "Law and Order: SVU"	(44)
		Slate dares ask the question uppermost in all our minds: When did Chester the Cheetah get so creepy?	(136)
		Heaven has one more Hero; actor Ivan Dixon from "Hogan's Heroes" dead at 76	(33)
		Oprah to develop talk show for Kirstie Alley. Possible titles include No Cake Left Behind	(23)
		Sean Penn speaks to crowd of extras while filming Harvey Milk biopic: "Bill O'Reilly, who is too stupid to talk about, and Sean Hannity, the butt boy of Rupert Murdoch - We know something more. We know their end is near"	(69)

(Some guy)		Halle Berry's baby's middle name sounds like a female body part. Mulva? Delores?	(39)
		Good news: You're an actor who found work. Great news: as Natalie Portman's husband. Bad news: Your rabbi orders you to quit. Fark: You quit	(62)
		As long as Keith Richards is giving Amy Winehouse life advice, how about some tips on staying wrinkle-free?	(12)
		Sir Arthur C. Clarke, the greatest science fiction writer of his generation, has died at the age of 90	(621)
		Jamie Lynn Spears tires of her sperm donor, kicks him to the curb as fast as her sister kicks a Red Bull and economy-size bag of Cheetos	(34)
		Busta Rhymes is Trevor Smith / Got into a terrible tiff / Beat a driver and a fan / Now he answers to the Man	(10)
(Some Guy)		Before technology enabled sci-fi fans to put their bad fan fiction on the net, they put their bad fan fiction in fanzines. Here are some 'zine covers, including some for "Logan's Run," no kidding	(54)
		More proof that TV has run out of ideas: TVLand plans new game show called "What's in the Box?" Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake unavailable for comment	(38)
		Viewers starved for sex jokes from an increasingly creepy Charlie Sheen give returning CBS sitcoms huge ratings	(38)
(BLOCKBUSTER BUZZ)		Nick Fury is definitely in "Iron Man." Or not. Or maybe he is	(51)
		Mel Gibson and Britney Spears have been friends for some time, ever since they met at that rally	(18)
(Tmz)		Sex In The City's Kristin Davis denies it is her having sex in the city on tape	(49)
		Looks like Madonna and her husband will be splitting up. Maybe because he wants a wife that doesn't look like a grandma (pic)	(64)
(The Superficial)		Spice Girl Mel. B in a bikini, complete with a bad tattoo and her husband, Tor Johnson, the star of "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (SFWish)	(34)
		Destiny Hope Cyrus is seeking to change her legal name to Miley Ray Cyrus, and all this time you thought it was Hannah Montana	(40)
		Teaser trailer released for re-imagining "The Andromeda Strain" miniseries. And yes, all the scientists now look like supermodels and hunky prettyboys	(77)
		In a move that certainly follows what Kurt Cobain lived and died for, Courtney Love lets Converse create a shoe featuring his autograph and writings	(53)
(TMZ)		Elisha Cuthbert got nasty with a red hot Ferrari outside Hyde this weekend. Yes, with, not in	(52)
		Bill Clinton and Brad Pitt team up for Katrina re-build, sexy party	(49)
		Film Director Anthony Minghella Dies	(69)
		Stripping off for a television show can be a great way to boost your career, but not when you're presenting a children's show	(69)
		Maybe it is lupus? Amy Winehouse looks like she's decaying. And nobody is surprised	(148)
		Gary Busey apologizes for acting like Gary Busey	(14)
		Mariah Carey knows she's a ditzy moron	(32)
(3NE)		Soleil Moon Frye has a baby girl. Reports say no "Punky Power" was used during the delivery	(27)
(If It's Movies)		Sylvester Stallone decides four Rambo movies not enough, needs more steroids	(23)
		Daniel Radcliffe smokes a pack a day, has been nicknamed Harry Puffer by his film co-stars	(64)

		Russian adult cartoon channel under fire from religious groups for airing "South Park" episodes, which means the boys will soon be heading for the Kremlin to learn there's no room in this world of warcraft for intolerance	(17)
		Christian Bale talks about "The Dark Knight," a third Batman movie, Heath Ledger's performance, the next "Terminator" installment, Michael Mann's upcoming gangster film, and more	(34)
		Parker Posey bashes movies like "Knocked Up" and "Superbad" for not doing "anything particularly great for our culture," remains conspicuously silent about her involvement in "Superman Returns"	(103)
		Ernest Borgnine angry about sex and violence in modern movies, whippersnappers on his lawn	(49)
(Some Guy)		HBO replacing entertainment chief, still won't bring back "Deadwood". Cocksuckers	(69)
(The Advocate)		Actor who plays Jim on "The Office" told he has a big gay following, reacts with a gentle smirk and an arched eyebrow	(40)
		Year zero for this fragile pretty hate machine with teeth: Trent Reznor now accumulating $2 mil from internet sales, driving a long nail in the industry	(47)
		Not saying that Will Smith is a Scientologist, but he's trying to get "Men In Black" a retroactive Oscar for Best Documentary Feature	(36)
(TMZ)		Actor who is not on "Lost" picked up for DUI	(21)
(Some Guy)		DMX's very enlightened view on Barack Obama. Apparently, DMX didn't know a black man was running	(159)
		Kelly Clarkson fears she'll be the next celebrity to expose herself because she wears no underwear	(157)
		Celebrity Rehab's Jaimee Foxworth is still smoking: "I relapsed - I'm not gonna say that I completely quit and I'm never gonna think about weed again'	(48)
		Looks like this will be the last season for "Jericho." Nuts	(79)
		David Beckham forever grateful to the American family who stuffed him full of pancakes and maple syrup as a 13-year-old and set him on his path to soccer stardom	(12)
(Celebridiot)		Mariah Carey upskirt moment from Saturday Night Live. Low camera angles and really short skirts don't mix	(53)
(Some Guy)		The real life story of Ashley Alexandra Dupre sounds kinda like an episode of The O.C	(51)
		In a world where raunchy and violent movie trailers end up on the cutting room floor, ONE THEATER CHAIN says that it's showtime. "Red Band" - this time, it's for REEL	(15)
		Obama mulling campaign visit to the San Diego Comic Con. Will be grilled by basement-dwellers over his opposition to the Superhuman Registration Act	(60)
		The real "Seinfeld" restaurant continues to be a popular New York attraction. In related news, the real Seinfeld continues to sleep on a mattress of $1000 bills and eat unicorn steaks	(39)
		Horton hears a whole lot of cash registers going crazy	(12)
		Disney has mother issues. They even knocked off Hannah Montana's mom	(59)