Tom Cruise's stint as head of United Artists is off to rocky start, as even movies not finished yet are expected to tank	(18)
(Some Disney Guy)		Disney spokesman says "Kaching, err I mean, look for Hanna Montana the Movie in theaters soon"	(26)
		Fresh from the success of "Janet Reno's dance party", the former attorney general has produced a 50 song boxset of re-worked american classics	(8)
		Brian DePalma's anti-war film, "Redacted," is so bad that this weekend only about 3,000 people in the entire country went to see it	(155)
(Dread Central)		Who could resist news about a movie called "The League of Extraordinary Alcoholics VS. The Horde of Really Creepy Undead Zombie Flesh Eaters"?	(12)
(Some Guy)		After doing a nude scene, Natalie Portman is shocked to discover her picture ended up on porn sites	(56)
		Season one of "Arrested Development" is available to watch online. For free. Legally. Now if only they would bring back "Firefly"	(68)
		"Natalie Portman likes to be stimulated."	(38)
		Slow news day: Kid Rock vows to get haircut at end of next tour	(12)
		Desperately Seeking Paul McCartney?	(13)
(Some Guy)		Casey Calvert, guitarist for Hawthorne Heights, dies. Now their fans know what being Emo is all about	(67)

		China sends us all of their trash. It's only fair we send some back	(25)
(Some Guy)		A German filmmaker is planning a fictional film on the twin brother of Jesus Christ, Craig	(42)
		Despite the writers strike, US television networks not interested in airing Canadian shows about beavers and mounties and fries with gravy	(76)
		With Thanksgiving behind us, prepare for the onslaught of confectionary, made-for-TV holiday specials	(23)
		Ever wish you would get hit on by a former cheerleader for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers	(25)
		Max Headroom to return. If you can't remember who Max Headroom was, then get off submitter's lawn, you punk	(63)
(Some Guy)		Widow of MAD Magazine's Don Martin asks writer to delete all references to him and "National Gorilla Suit Day" from his site. Now what are we supposed to do on January 31st?	(22)
(Some Guy)		"Speed Racer" is 100% green-screen, except for the monkey	(36)
		Hulk Hogan's wife lays the smackdown on her marriage to the Hulkster	(57)

		NBC runs out of scheduling space to air the "Journeyman" finale. Viewers might have to wait for the DVD to find out if Al, Ziggy and Sam are ever reunited	(66)
(Celebitchy)		Katie Couric's "intimate" pictures are being held for $1 million dollars in ransom. Hopefully the story's just as fake as her news delivery	(27)
		Rod Stewart's daughter wants a threesome with Brangelina	(20)
(CHUD.com)		Forgotten movie monster archive. Who doesn't remember The Incredible Melting Man?	(32)
(Some Unpretty Woman)		Julia Roberts has become handicapped-or should that be an SUV-driving douche?	(68)
		"MySpace and Facebook are massively multiplayer online role-player games in disguise"	(33)
(Some Guy)		Head of African AIDS charity says Bono and Bob Geldof are making things in Africa worse, not better	(63)
		Jack Black reveals details of his scuttled "Green Lantern" movie. "I was going to be capturing bad guys with green, giant prophylactics"	(42)
(Some Guy)		In a fatal blow to Israeli morale, Jerry Seinfeld is in the Holy Land to promote "Bee Movie," forcing Israeli TV stations to play his unfunny ads every two minutes	(36)
		Penelope Cruz to play porn star. With her sister. In her brother's video	(46)
(Some Guy)		Sean Connery gives up trying to write his autobiography, says it's giving him nightmares, and goes back to trying to perfect anal bum cover	(19)
(Some Guy)		Spice Girls fans unload their tickets to see the group in droves, and for as little as a third of face value, after hearing group's new single	(20)
		Stephen King, when asked if he'd ever direct another movie after 1986's "Maximum Overdrive:" "I think it would be great, sometime when I wasn’t coked and drunk out of my mind, and see what came out"	(33)
		Wil to appear in upcoming "Numbers" set at a comic con	(23)
		Actual headline: Amy Winehouse's face of fury (with OMG scary pic)	(80)

		Fall Out Boy shocked to discover that they "borrowed" their entire tour theme from a children's book -- without ever getting permission from the author	(54)
		Drummer dismissed from rock band for allegedly playing "like a chimpanzee on speed." Tommy Lee unavailable for comment	(11)
		Lawsuit filed by Internet douche "Perez Hilton" against photo agency thrown out by judge. Expect pic of judge with crude drawings made in MS Paint to appear soon	(11)
(People)		Check out the attractive older woman on the right. Holy cobwebs, that's Kirsten Dunst	(37)
(Some Guy)		Good: Amy Winehouse is receiving help from an addiction expert to help her beat her addiction to drugs. Bad: the addiction expert is Pete Doherty	(20)
		Paul McCartney's ex-wife denounces wealthy people around the world as "misers" and "snobs". Funny how she didn't have that attitude when she used to have her ex's bank account on tap	(30)
		Dennis Quaid's two-week-old twins recovering from overdose, beat the all time record for celebrity offspring train-wreck	(36)
		Insurance companies classing “celebrity” as an occupation because so many ordinary people are becoming suddenly famous	(11)
(LA Weekly)		Owners of Charles Bukowski's bungalow protest landmark designation on grounds he was a "nazi" You know who else liked boobies and beer?	(43)
		Broadway strike leads to theater fans discovering that plays are held in other locations	(77)

(In Touch)		A private investigator hired to investigate Tom Cruise's sexuality by InTouch magazine says that he is "straight as straight can be." Well, that settles it then	(44)
		Hulk Hogan's son receives only a suspended license after reckless driving. While the judge questioned his status as a celebrity, he still goes easy on him	(16)
(D-Listed)		Good news for paparazzi and pedestrians: Britney Spears has hired herself a driver	(12)
		Christian Bale to play John Connor in new "Terminator" film	(69)
(Some Guy)		Hollywood continues on it's quest to destroy your childhood. Today's example: Tracy Morgan and Nicolas Cage to star in upcoming live action G-Force movie	(31)
(Some Guy)		Cate Blanchett named Man of the Year by GQ magazine	(15)
		The show will go on: Judge orders Broadway's "The Grinch who stole Christmas" to re-open	(9)
(indiatimes.com)		"Then Uma and I made eye contact through my TV screen. I knew we had to be together. I moved to NY and lived outside her place in my car and said I'd kill Bill myself if I saw her with another man" said PMITA's newest member	(27)
(Some Guy)		Man pinpoints the exact moment when "Star Wars" went to crap	(105)
		Mario Galaxy confirmed as highest-ratingest, fastest-sellingest, most-bee-suit-wearingest Mario game ever	(113)
(Chronicle Herald)		Celine Dion cancels concert. Husband/gravyboater/manager/troll cites non-compliance with "Kiss My Boney Butt" clause in rider	(44)
		The man who amuses himself by putting cat poop in Brad Pitt's shoes says papparazi take too many chances with people's safety	(13)
(Zap2It)		Scott Baio is 46 and now a dad	(42)
		Timbaland becomes a proud father of a baby girl. Baby expected to debut at #1 once they remix and overproduce her, get Timberlake to sing over it all	(20)
		Warner Bros. offers Madonna's daughter Lourdes a role in the next Harry Potter film. Growing up in England and having well connected parents had nothing to do with the offer though	(36)
		Amy Winehouse falls off the wagon again (pics)	(89)
		The Hoff, displeased with the level of jobs he's being offered, throws a tantrum in Hollywood restaurant. Guess he'll have to cry himself to sleep on his gigantic bed made from thousand dollar bills	(17)
		"Heroes"/"Veronica Mars" hottie Kristen Bell is a complete idiot	(88)
(Digital Spy)		Stevie Wonder plays gig in top London store Selfridges. In other news, there's a crowd of really pissed-off Stevie Wonder fans waiting in Harrods	(14)
		Lollipop Guild gets star on Walk of Fame 70 years after "The Wizard of Oz"	(19)
		Mary-Kate Olsen checks into hospital for ... wait for it ... kidney infection	(50)
		Jack Bauer vs. John McClane. Fark needs a badass tag	(44)
		Roger Ebert's favorite Thanksgiving movie of all time	(62)
(NY Daily News)		Polish group demands apology from Fox and Rupert Murdoch for joke used in "Back to You" episode. Meanwhile, Americans demand an apology from Fox and Murdoch for "Back to You"	(11)
		Jennifer Jason Leigh says she would have "performed" if she had taken Chloe Sevigny's role in "The Brown Bunny"	(77)
		Surgeon who operated on Donda West prior to her death appears on the Larry King Show just long enough to say he can't discuss the case. Because, obviously, he couldn't have done that before the show actually began	(15)
(Some Guy)		Why is the "Heroes" cast drinking the same mysterious Slusho drink as characters in J.J. Abrams' "Cloverfield?"	(64)

		Will Smith goes over to the Dark Side (w/ pic)	(67)
(Us)		It turns out that Britney Spears was not that innocent as Us Magazine reveals she lost her virginity at age 14	(47)
(Fox23)		Supermodel or drug-taking prostitute? Just kidding, it's a trick question. She's both	(38)
		Cirque du Soleil signs $100 million deal to bounce around the Kodak theatre on Hollywood Blvd for the next ten years	(7)
(D Listed)		Madonna's eleven-year-old daughter has a little facial hair thing going on, with "OMG, WTF is that" pic	(97)
		"Love him or despise him, head Jackass Johnny Knoxville has made millions from getting kicked in the yambag"	(28)
		John Fitzgerald Page: the douche that keeps on douching. Listen closely to his whine about Fark mocking him	(1709)
(Some Guy)		20th Century Fox is having bad reviews pulled off YouTube	(18)
		Wil Wheaton's geek guide to L.A.	(22)
		Neil Diamond reveals that Caroline Kennedy was the inspiration for "Sweet Caroline", killing a drifter to get an erection inspired "Forever in Blue Jeans"	(48)
		The Grinch gets Grinched by the owner of the Whoville theater, whose heart is two sizes too small	(34)
		Ten cheesiest classic Star Trek creatures. Space Lincoln represents	(101)
(Some Guy)		Stephen King likes new ending of film adaptation of "The Mist" so much that he thinks there "should be a law passed stating that anybody who reveals the last 5 minutes of this film should be hung from their neck until dead"	(155)
		There's no surprises over how much Thom Yorke paid for "In Rainbows" - nothing	(24)
		Red Hot Chili Peppers sue Showtime network over use of the name "Californication", say the show creates unfair competition with their album that came out 8 years ago	(80)
		Hilda is dead. Schultz sees nothing	(31)
		Leading forensic expert says TV crime shows like "CSI" and "Law and Order" do not give a true depiction of the real work carried out by forensic experts. Lt. Horatio Caine takes off his sunglasses and stares at her	(57)
(Some Guy)		Photographic proof that Mel Gibson is the gold-paint-huffing guy	(57)

		"Balls of Fury" star charged with, well, fury	(17)
		"Kurt Vonnegut was the American Mark Twain." Gosh--wonder who's the British Charles Dickens?	(80)
(Some Guy)		Only C-List celebrities will appear on the new Celebrity Apprentice. Donald Trump just doesn't know when to stop	(37)
		Jonathan Rhys Meyers arrested for drunkenness in airport. Last heard saying "It's the Dwarves that go swimming with little, hairy woman."	(17)
(Some Chick)		If it wasn't for "Golden Girls", there'd be no "Reservoir Dogs". Is there anything Bea Arthur can't do?	(23)
		Not as cool as it first appears: Blunt appears on "Sesame Street"	(10)
		Pop star Shakira's hip shaking makes Muslim clerics feel warm and tingly in their robes, so naturally they want to ban her	(50)
(NY Daily News)		Adorable actress Linda Cardellini never expected to be on "ER" so long. In related news, Americans never expected the craptastic "ER" to be on this long	(54)
		Bill Nye the Restraining Order Guy	(166)
		Chinese firm warns against downloading Ang Lee's steamy spy thriller "Lust, Caution" because hundreds of hosting sites are embedded with viruses, while doctors also warn not to try the sexual positions featured in the film	(54)
		Heather "Stumpy" Mills launches campaign to discourage people from drinking milk. Submitter is posting this while enjoying a tall frosty milkshake. Mmmm, milkshakes	(44)
		"Beowulf" earns the second-lowest score EVER on CAP. That's right, classical literature is more dangerous to children than Natural Born Killers or Robocop	(127)
(Some Guy)		Yesterday, Nickelback won "Best Rock Band" at the AMA, beating Linkin Park and Maroon 5, which is equivalent of saying that a chainsaw to the head is better than a shotgun blast to the crotch	(170)
		New PBS special asks, "Why are there so many Jewish comedians?" Also asks what's the deal with airline food and what marketing genius chose PBS as a network name?	(56)
		It's safe to squeeze the Charmin now	(119)
		Ex-WKRP actress Jan Smithers recovering after getting into a car accident while naked... wait, what?	(62)
		Frenchman barbeques a large camel, calls out every Texan on the planet	(64)
		Not news: Papparazi rabidly stalks Nicole Kidman. News: He sues newspaper for slander when it calls him on it. Fark: He wins his case, and Kidman has to testify in the hearing to see how big his settlement is	(17)
		Girly-man British actor and rehab failure Jonathan Rhys Meyers gets drunked up and arrested at the airport	(26)
		"Green Acres" remake in the works	(28)
		Hi, I'm Kirk Cameron, and although I'm no rocket scientist, I'm here to prove the existence of God	(747)
(Indy Channel 6)		Would my daughter prefer $13,000 for a year of college or $13,000 Hannah Montana tickets? Year of college? Hannah Montana tickets? Hmmm... that's a tough one	(284)
		Patrick Dempsey says he's "okay" with being named People's 2nd sexiest man alive. Hell, after "Grey's Anatomy" plucked him back out of obscurity, Dempsey's "okay" with getting to eat hot meals again	(32)