MILFs are taking over the airwaves (w/ scary pic of Kyra Sedgwick)	(42)
		Madonna accused of bribing government official taking care of the process for the child she bough... I mean, adopted, in Africa	(6)
		Donald Trump reaches out to Dina Lohan after saying Lindsay should "get a new set of parents"; says, "ahh, come on, I was just kiddin'; well no, you're crappy parents, but I can help"	(4)
(Xinhua)		Sarah Jessica parker has a long face over reviving her famous character for the movie version of "Sex and the City." No really, the high heels wrecked her knees	(27)
		J.K. Rowling talks about her new book: Harry Potter the Final Frontier	(13)
(Some Guy)		Chris Farley has been reincarnated as a 3-year old girl	(42)
(WWTDD)		Man killed at Ving Rhames house likely suffered a heart attack, not mauled to death as was previously speculated. Charges against Rhames unlikely	(92)
		Casting breakdowns for "Star Trek XI" characters. If you're a 25ish, tomboyish, FUN African American girl, you could be our new Uhura	(183)
		WFAN to replace Don Imus with Jersey guy known for lampooning Hispanic immigrants, Chinese people, and the mental illness of a former governor’s wife. What could possibly go wrong?	(59)
(NS4W.ORG)		Katharine McPhee - Stuff Mag ... Looking sexy as always (SFW)	(24)
(Some Guy)		Emma Watson spotted hanging out in nightclubs and eating lobster with a handsome young lad in France. Scores of young men go home to polish their own wands	(37)

		Jack Bauer's next target: global warming? WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF CRIME	(33)
		The creators of the "Bratz" dolls want you to know they're really about valuing friendship over social acceptance, and not just teaching your 8 year old to be a slut	(234)
		Evel Knievel: "What year is it again?"	(42)
		Jessica Alba wants to have a baby in "Fantastic Four 3." Because if there's anything those movies need, it's babies	(44)
		Strict Islamic law requires Gwen Stefani to wear modest clothing, minimise exposed skin, refrain from shouting, jumping and kissing, and generally sell no tickets for Malaysian concert	(65)
		DNA testing reveals that James Brown has two more children. Ow, that doesn't feel good	(7)
(Some Guy)		Brett Ratner on accidentally hooking up with men: "It happens to a lot of people"	(43)
		Madonna devastated that intimate photos of her will be released to the public. Photos reportedly show the last 2 square millimeters of her skin that haven't been seen by every adult male on the planet	(29)

		Ving Rhames' dogs kill worker at his home (who apparently offered Ving's wife a foot massage)	(43)
(Some Guy)		Mena Suvari shaves her head and does a Britney Spears imitation. It's a little too good	(40)
		ABC is confronted by an interesting, intelligent show. ABC shoots it with rock salt, sprays it with mace, gives it a 'Texas funeral"	(21)
		Actress Katee Sackoff on Jimmy Kimmel. Legs. Cleavage. Drool	(73)
(WFTS)		Simon Cowell planning an "American Idol" inspired movie, compares it to "Rocky." This should end well	(25)
(Cinematical)		Bob Hoskins hated making Super Mario Brothers almost as much as you hated watching it	(58)
(Some RIAA Hater)		RIAA sues man for humming own copyrighted song	(16)
		Lost Van Gogh found under another painting. Thomas Crown lights another cigar	(75)
		A review for Bratz: The Movie saluting child molesters everywhere for their contributions to our society	(56)
		The several week lead time needed to get magazines to the newsstand can lead to some unintentional hilarity. For example check out Elle's interview with Lindsay Lohan in between her rehab stay and DUI	(77)
(Dose)		Dose credits Fark for banishing the Spice Girls to Baghdad	(149)
		Weezer's Rivers Cuomo may have memoirs released. Now fans will finally get to find out "May 1998, I've decided to ruin this band"	(52)
		Bada Bing: You can have Tony Soprano’s Suburban	(16)
(Some Guy)		Sam Raimi may direct "Clash of the Titans" remake. Fan campaign to get Bruce Campbell to play Perseus begins	(54)
		Bruce Willis and his "blues band" play Kennedy Space Center. And NASA wonders why we don't take it seriously anymore	(26)
(Some Latino)		Leaked footage of the Batpod in action from the upcoming movie. DO WANT	(65)
		Hollywood is full of ideas, but apparently they're all "Let's remake 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' again"	(38)
(Some Guy)		Looking to expand her 'dirty old man' fanbase, Avril Lavigne gets a boob job	(87)
		Hollywood takes a third shot at trying to make a marketable movie about clowns and gas chambers	(89)
		Marilyn Manson sued by former keyboard player. Suit alleges Manson spent the claimants share of money on Hitler memorabilia and an intact 4 y/o girl's skeleton. Manson responds that suit is preposterous; the skeleton is a boy, not a girl	(50)
		Mares eat oats and does eat oats and toddy Brits say "Blimey"	(45)
		Mom Of The Year Britney Spears attempts to have 22-month-old son's teeth cosmetically whitened, only to be refused on health grounds	(63)
		George Clooney and Matt Damon wore extra-large shoes when their footprints were immortalized in Walk Of Fame because concrete shrinks and people would talk	(21)
		G4TV to premiere "Spaceballs: The Animated Series" this fall. May the Schwartz be with you	(50)
		Star of BBC show "Jekyll" may be the next Doctor Who. Fans Hyde in protest	(47)

(Metro UK)		Brad Pitt finally realizes that Angelina's hotness is no match for her batshiat craziness	(71)
(WFTS)		Apparently Chris O'Donnell has done at least one thing since Batman	(36)
		Bourne in the USA. He is, Bourne in the USA. A movie that doesn't suck opens this weekend	(56)
(Some Guy)		Landmark Scientology milestone: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to get naked	(41)
		Roger Ebert lashes out at Clive Barker's assertion that video games can be art. "Spoken with the maturity of an honest and articulate four-year-old"	(116)
		J. Lo.'s boobs have gotten bigger	(55)
(Some Hilton Hater)		Paris Hilton focuses her wonky eye of doom on her adversaries as she prepares to unleash her unholy four-legged army of darkness	(25)
		Australia claims Nicole Richie's baby since she conceived it Down Under	(28)
		Pamela Anderson claims she was tricked into making the infamous Pam & Tommy sex tape with the old "there's no film in the camera, really" trick	(20)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin)		Dog the Bounty Hunter will not be sent back to PMITA Mexican prison. In other news, Dog the Bounty Hunter has his own personal sweat dabber when signing books in an air conditioned mall	(28)
		Stevie Wonder planning a U.S. tour. No one saw that one coming	(28)
(CHUD)		"Mad Max" director tapped for new "Justice League" movie, featuring Superman, Batman, The Flash, Aquaman and Jon Stewart	(110)
		Want to see how some of your favorite beautiful actresses have aged over the years? Well here they are anyway... (with too many pics)	(398)
		Keith Richards figures he's got about 87 years left to marinate	(10)
		You know you're a pussy when Rod Stewart's son beats you up	(12)
		Hilary Duff volunteers her time at soup kitchen. Homeless reluctant to accept food from her, as they believe she could use a hot meal more than they	(55)
(International Herald Tribune)		Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has a new BFF, Sean Penn. They recently spoke on the phone, and will soon meet for a sleepover and to make s'mores	(122)
(tPC)		Drunken David Blaine uses simple card trick to avoid nightclub ejection after making other people's drinks disappear	(24)
		Professor whose wife left him for Ted Turner writes in email to colleagues: "It is very common for a woman to be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers"	(124)
		As soon as your little girl grows out of her Disney Princess clothing, Hugh Hefner has a line of Playboy clothing for the youth market you may be interested in	(31)
		Dave Matthews and John Mayer to play VA Tech concert. Hokies wonder when their suffering will end	(66)
(SuicideGirls.com)		Wil Wheaton reviews Comic-Con. Geeks rejoice	(70)

(Some Guy)		Catherine Zeta Jones looking to get naked	(50)
		Think you've seen some ridiculous articles on NRO? I defy you to find one more mind-numbingly, jaw-droppingly stupid as this. If you can get to the end without shaking your head in utter, astonished disbelief, you're a better man than I	(185)
		Chinese government bans "Rush Hour 3." Sometimes an oppressive regime acts in the best interests of the people	(25)
		Christian rock was started by a gay guy who died of AIDS in the early Nineties	(69)
(Evil Beet)		Sara Gilbert (the smartass daughter on "Roseanne") is still alive, pregnant and a lesbian	(68)
(Some Guy)		Disney to remake "Snow White." Bonus: It will be 19th century Hong Kong epic. "Once she finds out she is destined to defeat something sinister, she is trained by seven Shaolin monks to do battle against the forces of evil"	(94)
		You're watching "The View." Now with 25% more Whoopi	(35)
		LOST Season Four Preview - The Orchid Orientation Film clip. Contains some cussing, just in case you're at work	(81)
		Keith Richards writing his memoirs. Will be translated from his native mumble language, detail his Revolutionary War service, and contain general weirdness	(61)
		QI's "The Book of General Ignorance" is about to hit the USA. Q: Who is America named after? A: Richard Ameryk of Wales, not Amerigo Vespucci	(44)
		Brand new "Star Trek" episode coming out 8/23 featuring Sulu, who came out last year	(48)
		K-Fed says he's focusing on parenting, which is easy when you have no career to mess with that focus	(30)
		Former "Amercan Idol" contestant -- the one who said he farked Paula Abdul -- arrested on drug charges and outstanding warrant. Everyone who's surprised signify by standing on your heads	(7)
(Heavy Metal News)		Problem: Advice columnists are boring. Solution: Hire Oderus Urungus of GWAR to give powerful advice to the young emo kids	(56)
		For 30th anniversay of Elvis' death, Graceland to get overhaul. First step: Removing washer and dryer from front porch	(20)
(Some Guy)		Sir Michael Caine to release a "chill-out album." Why not go the whole hog and release your own range of glow sticks and whistles	(14)
		There's a crossroads in every comic actor's career in which he can make interesting choices or coast on reputation to make bland crap. With Alvin and the Chipmunks and Underdog, this summer is Jason Lee's coasting point	(43)
(CBS)		CBS comes up with a totally original, groundbreaking TV show concept: 40 children, ages 8-15, running a town with no adults for 40 days. What could possibly go wrong?	(224)
		Pulling ahead of Lindsay Lohan in the crazy contest, Britney Spears threatens to kill a paparazzi	(55)
		"We saw many actresses for the role, and Paris sang it better than all of them"	(25)
(Some Guy)		Farkers everywhere will have to wait for Jessica Simpson's career to go completely the way of the Britney for her to show off her ginormous sweater puppies	(16)
(Cinematical)		Hear Kevin Smith talk at ComicCon. (Not safe for work)	(12)

		Nicole Richie confirms she's pregnant. She'll now be eating for one	(35)
		Another day, another man dumped by Jennifer Aniston	(28)
(First episode of)		ES: Origins to be written and directed by Kevin Smith	(36)
(Some Guy)		Comic-Con photo gallery. Photo #4 may confuse and disturb you	(49)
		Paris Hilton drops her panties to out-do Lindsay Lohan. We know she accomplished this feat before Lindsay even stopped wearing them	(42)
(www.pandjtime.com)		Cindy Crawford Topless (Not safe for work)	(6)
(E!Online)		Jenna Elfman wins latest installment of Stupid Celebrity Baby Names	(62)
(/film)		MPAA attempting to shut down "Red Band" movie trailers - not that anyone remembers R-rated trailers anymore	(34)
		Gary Coleman cited for disorderly conduct in Utah. In other news, Gary Coleman lives in Utah?	(82)
		Turns out Paris will get her grampa's billion$$ after all. Followup tag turns to yesterday's Hero tag, smirks, says "That's hot."	(144)
(KMTR)		"Little People, Big World" star arrested on DUI charge. Submitter tried to write a joke about this but came up short	(40)
		Kevin Costner's "Waterworld:" Sci-fi classic, or worst movie of all time?	(108)
		Eddie Murphy proposes to girlfriend. Pregnancy announcement expected soon	(17)
		It's official: Shark Week has... well... you know. I'm Arthur Fonzarelli, and I approved this headline	(122)
(Newsradio WTAM 1100)		Former Playmate arrested twice in one month, now has more mugshots than centerfolds	(25)
(some guy)		Pint-sized television personality drinks a few too many pints and gets a DUI	(24)
(Some Guy)		Samwise, Pennywise, Saruman, and Count Duckula join forces for a miniseries based off Terry Pratchett's "The Colour of Magic"	(33)
		90210 "Where are they now?" He's okay, she's crazy, WHOA WTF happened to Jeannie Garth?	(67)
		Britney Spears is officially single again. Line starts ... Hey, where did everybody go?	(175)
(New Line Cinema)		Surrender to the opportunity to win a trip to Paris. (Sponsored Link)	(50)
(People)		Rosie O'Donnell likes Paula Abdul about as much as she likes hetero men and low-fat ice cream	(28)
(Some Sad Truth)		That story about Scarlett Johansson playing Jenna Jameson? Yea, not so much	(29)
(tPC)		Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt are so yesterday, David & Victoria Beckham are the new "Brangelina"	(39)
(Central Scrutinizer)		Berlin renames street for Frank Zappa. Entire street will now be designated for loading and unloading	(37)
		Studio bosses nix plans for "'The Godfather Part IV" because of budget issues. By "budget issues" they must mean "because 'The Godfather Part III' sucked ass"	(60)
(NY Daily News)		E! cancels "The Simple Life." That's so not hot	(20)
		Filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni is dead at age 94, On further inspection, after blowing up the photos, he may have been murdered. Somewhere, mimes are playing tennis	(23)
		Major Bollywood Movie star convicted of weapons charges and sentenced to six years in jail, broke down and wept in the courtroom, but then immediately transitioned into a peppy song and dance number	(66)
(Some Guy)		Orange County Choppers' Paul Sr. rides into matrimony (with sleeveless-tux wedding photo)	(42)
		"We've substituted Cuba Gooding Jr. for Eddie Murphy. Let's see if anyone notices."	(45)
(TMZ)		That story about Paris Hilton losing her inheritance? Yea, not so much	(32)

		Chef Anthony Bourdain vows not to host crappy reality TV show a la Gordon Ramsay	(45)
(KXMB)		HBO is saying that they may not make the two movies they promised fans to wrap up "Deadwood." Those [expletive deleted] filthy [expletive deleted] suckers	(78)
(People)		Actress Jenna Elfman gives birth to a healthy operating thetan	(21)
(Digital Spy)		Cancelled in the US due to massive suckitude, "Studio 60" goes to the UK and attracts less audience than shows on snooker and crocheting	(48)
(New York Daily News)		Lindsay’s career is going down faster than Paris Hilton on a Saturday night … Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night	(33)
		In an attempt to clean up its image, pro-wrestling turns to Pacman Jones for help	(22)
(Broadcasting and Cable)		Network's version of a comedy cockpunch has terminally unfunny Jimmy Fallon replacing Conan O'Brien	(66)
		Former PM Pierre Trudeau comes in #1 in a poll to find the "Worst Canadian Ever," beating out Paul Bernado, Karla Homolka, and more shockingly - Celine Dion	(61)
(Some Guy)		Stephen King master adapter Frank Darabont gears up for "The Long Walk"	(68)
(Dose.ca)		Disciplined Britney Spears adheres to her strict daily meltdown schedule. This time a pole dance is involved	(23)
		Actress, mathematician, and total hottie Danica McKellar wants everybody to know that Math Doesn't suck	(46)
(Some Guy)		"You don't go grabbin' somebody else's, somebody's husband's balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful."	(23)
(Bitten and Bound)		Jamie Presley has stolen Britney Spears' stylist (w/cringe-inducing pic)	(39)
		Charlie Sheen offers up marriage tips and advice. Step 1: Stay away from Heidi Fleiss	(4)
(Asbury Park Press)		Kevin Smith running out of ideas. Next film will be called "Zack and Miri Make a Porno"	(34)
		Jessica Simpson turned down role of porn star in upcoming movie that would "guarantee her an Oscar" Uh huh	(41)
(tPC)		Kimberly Stewart denies Tommy Lee boinking reports	(9)
		Linkin Park has this time chosen darkness over rage, gloom over volume, goth over rap-metal, total suckage over good music	(51)
(KLTV.com)		Marvin Zindler, whose reporting inspired the Broadway musical and movie "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas," has gone to the great newsroom in the sky	(17)
(Some Guy)		The 25 most influential punk bands (with video goodness)	(219)
		Joe Pesci to wed supermodel Angie Everhart. Yes, that's Joe Pesci to wed supermodel Angie Everhart. What do you mean that's funny? How is that funny?	(50)
		Kelly Osbourne has slimmed down to star in Chicago. (With pics of her looking pretty smoking hot)	(85)
		Because just settling for one movie at a time is harder than it looks, six more Narnia movies are in the works. Submitter still looking foward to Rocky XII, Terminator 5, and Weekend at Bernies 3	(34)
		Another movie list that 95% of Farkers will take offense with. But feel free to use the FAIL meme, as the LA Times already started us off	(76)
(Some Guy)		Joss Whedon gets back to being Joss Whedon, announces new "Buffy" spinoff movie. Also considers "Firefly" straight-to-DVD flicks, after finishing his ballet	(39)
		Hide the kittens. Scarlett Johansson picked to play Jenna Jameson in biopic	(87)
		Director Ingmar Bergman, 89, loses final game of chess	(46)
		Legendary late-night broadcast pioneer Tom Snyder dead at 71. Fire up a colortini in remembrance	(136)
		Record labels eye online social networks as way to sell more music. In related news, have you heard the new Nickelback single? It ROCKS	(31)
		Nic Cage and son unveil new comic book, complete with title stolen from Jimi Hendrix and plot stolen from the Hurricane Katrina story. Should be a big box of suck	(24)
		Richard Branson describes his mile-high club initiation, taking Viagra, ecstasy, cocaine and rolling joints with Keith Richards	(12)
(people.com)		Not to be outdone by Steve Martin's marriage, Eddie Murphy gets engaged	(12)
		Freaks, Geeks, and Toys from San Diego Comic-Con	(15)
(People.com)		Bruce Willis' daughter caught up in police drug bust. In other news, Bruce Willis' daughter looks like Jennifer Tilly	(68)