(Some Guy)		If you've been waiting for a film featuring cowboys, witches, armored polar bears, and James Bond... this December is going to be a good month for you	(8)
(Some Big Dummy)		Some guy's Top Ten TV Theme Songs. His #3 should be the universally-accepted #1	(45)
(Huffington Post)		New York Times bans Harry Potter from its best seller list. Subby now has to start picking his literature from another source now that NYT's best seller list is part of the op-ed section	(111)
		Proof that Adam Sandler could crap on the screen and people will go see it, "Chuck and Larry" debuts at #1 at the box office	(47)
		Director of Jane Austen festival submits chapters of her novels to eighteen publishers, gets seventeen rejections and one "I see what you did there."	(14)
		"TV wild man Bear Grylls spent nights in cosy hotels during filming of survival series"	(43)
		Answer: This Canadian birthday boy was once... I don't remember how it ends, but his mother's a whore	(18)
		Deathly Hallows, where Harry Potter __________, breaks sales records across the country	(78)
		Chris Hansen and Dateline abandon sexual predators' lame excuses in favor for identity theives' horrible English skills	(16)
(Daily Mirror)		British scientists claim Kelly Brook is the "perfect woman." O RLY?	(36)
		'Cops' celebrates 20 years of shirtless guys with no teeth trying to kick the windows out of cruisers	(21)
		"It's turning out to be like fresh cream, man, like fresh milk from the cow's titty, baby," the Rev. Al Green gushed	(14)
(Some Guy)		Compilation of movie scenes using famous "Wilhelm Scream," including all the Star Wars and Indiana Jones flicks	(36)
(Cityrag)		What Michael Jackson might look like today if he hadn't gotten all that farkin plastic surgery done	(22)
(SFScope)		Weekly World News shutting down. Suck it, Batboy	(153)
(Some Guy)		The Smiths bassist Andy Rourke insists the band is unlikely to reunite becuase they are too sad	(26)
		Viewers stunned to discover that some "reality" shows are not real	(29)

(Some Guy)		Matt Damon says he's too old to play Captain Kirk	(40)
(ew)		Entertainment Weekly takes look at Comic-Con. With cool new Iron Man pic	(25)
(Some Guy)		John Travolta sues to keep access to private runway for his 707 and other scientology spacecraft	(20)
(Some Hirsute Musician)		Canadian music rights organization want hair salons to pay music fees. Hair bands rejoice	(3)
		Actor Eric Braeden gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Um... who?	(25)
		Is there any doubt that Paula Abdul is the next Anna Nicole Smith?	(150)
		Stephanie Tanner married in Las Vegas with hawt-ness pic inside	(57)
		Because the TV show wasn't laughable enough, I-Mockery takes a look at Stan Lee's comic book based on the winner of "Who Wants To Be A Superhero?"	(19)
		Paul Hogan to Adam Sandler "You call that a gay-panic comedy? THIS is a gay-panic comedy"	(11)
(Some Guy)		Tom Cruise plans huge bash for Beckhams. Party games include "everyone board the spaceship"	(20)

		50 Cent suing internet ad company for "shoot the rapper game" because it promotes violence against him. The only person that should profit from glorifying violence is him	(36)
		It's official: Britney's thighs look like two baggies full of Bisquick (SFW pix)	(88)
(iF Magazine)		David Lynch plans highly convoluted, uber-confusing and totally nonsensical special features for "Twin Peaks" complete series DVD	(39)
(Some Guy)		Kim Kardashian to appear in Playboy and doesn't even go fully nude. Perhaps she doesn't realize we've all seen her naked and getting rode like a scooter	(34)
		Pierce Brosnan to narrate "Thomas the Tank Engine." Episode 1 entitled "Thomas and the Stolen Nuclear Weapons"	(13)
		The Daily Mail wouldn't use Photoshop, would they?	(21)
(Some Guy)		Father Time as well as Father Gravity force a search for "New Elvira." Seems like great work since she probably gets about 51 weeks of vacation a year	(39)
(Some Guy)		The top 10 most annoying kid actors, as if there are kid actors out there who aren't annoying	(61)
		The most beautiful celebrity faces: Surprised?	(174)
(I'd like to explore her Galaxy)		The coolest picture of David Beckham covering his wife's crotch as she gets out of the car so photographers can't get a shot of her vagina you'll see today	(64)
		Paul McCartney's ex-wife gets a fair idea of the size of settlement -- and she won't be left begging in the street	(38)
		Benicio del Toro will play socialist revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara in upcoming movie, which will make loads of cash for the bourgeoisie	(109)
		If you have been watching "John from Cincinnati" and still don't understand or follow what the fark is going on, don't feel bad, neither does its creator	(67)
(TMZ)		Lindsay Lohan gets arrested and booked on DUI and drug charges, but is released because she's a delicate and unique flower	(40)
(Some Guy)		F*cking Democrats draft f*cking bill that would hold f*cking broadcasters accountable for one-time f*cking profanities they happen to f*cking air because some f*cking celebrity lets the F-bomb slip on live f*cking TV. F*cking Democrats	(42)
(Some Guy)		Britney Spears filming a new video... or going to a funeral. It's pretty much a tossup	(21)
(Some Guy)		Southpark gets Emmy nomination for its "World of Warcraft" episode. Have a pretty good shot at winning unless that griefer Jenkins shows up again	(75)
		Brigitte Nielsen, the original Flava of Love, heads to rehab. Apparently drinking Jack Daniels at 9 a.m. isn't just "European"	(19)

(Some Guy)		Seth Rogen is Green Hornet? Well, if he can knock up Katherine Heigl, anything is possible	(27)
(Some Guy)		Top five Anthony Edwards movies of the '80s. Happy birthday, Goose	(34)
		TV critic looks at this year's Emmy nominees and wonders: Do Emmy voters even bother to watch TV?	(44)
		Oh. My. God. Miss Klingon Beauty Pageant. 'Nuff said	(50)
(Some Guy)		Drew Carey could be next host of "The Price Is Right"	(71)
		Producer of Lord-of-the-Flies-esque reality show, which sets kids free in abandoned New Mexico town, defends his concept	(39)
(Some Guy)		Thank god MTV never canceled TRL, or we never would have seen Adam Sandler sniffing Kevin James' pit	(22)
(D_nv_r P_st)		Merv Griffin, creator of "Wheel of Fortune," hospitalized with PR_ST_T_ C_NC_R	(139)
(Stereogum)		The White Stripes make-up for playing a one-note show in Newfoundland by playing a whole set on a moving Winnipeg Transit bus	(120)
(Some Guy)		Paris Hilton in studio to record second album, one month after being dropped by Warner Bros. In other news, Paris Hilton seen at a bank withdrawing money to buy Warner Bros	(29)
(insidebayarea.com)		Not news: Wayans brothers move to Oakland. Fark: To produce a world-class movie studio and arts, entertainment and retail destination spread over 62 acres at a former Army base	(22)
(Some Guy)		Miss Cleo, Macho Man Randy Savage, Phil Hellmuth and Carrot Top all living together in 7th season of "The Surreal Life"	(74)
(RSPWFAQ)		Another professional wrestler dies young as former ECW tag team champion John Kronus dead at 40something	(35)
(Esquire)		So what's it like to find a relatively famous dead author floating in the East River? Funny you should ask	(31)

		St. Louis mayor biatchslaps "Ike Turner Day"	(14)
(Dlisted)		Please don't give change to bums or Nick Nolte passed out in an airport. It only encourages them (pics)	(30)
(A Socialite's Life)		Father of Nicole Richie's child is: 1) That dude in that band. 2) No, that other guy. 3) You mean him? 4) No, maybe this dude, instead	(20)
(Some Guy)		Finally... a farking great interview with Mr. Walken	(128)
(LA Weekly)		“If I got hit by a truck tomorrow,” says Groening, “The Simpsons would continue on indefinitely." And the movie? "...it’s almost, almost done"	(44)
		As the race to the Emmy nominations heats up, The Sopranos is expected to	(56)
		John Travolta: "Playing a woman wasn't so difficult"	(30)
(Some Guy)		Gisele Bundchen made $33 million last year without even flashing her hoo-ha	(25)
		Winona Ryder blames painkillers for shoplifting, which is strange because with so many people out there on painkillers you'd think shoplifting would be an epidemic by now	(24)
		Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz is not engaged to Ashlee Simpson. Says he just can't commit yet to someone who's always using his eyeliner and nail polish	(37)
		You may ask yourself, "How does one enter a rehab center and subsequently hook up with the staff chef and then get her pregnant?" Two words: Daniel Baldwin	(29)
(KAAHHHNNN)		Shatner. to. interview. celebrities. for. Biography. Channel	(13)
(The Superficial)		Rehab, my ass: Actress whose name probably rhymes with Blindsay Blohan figures out that ecstasy won't trip her alcohol monitoring bracelet	(38)
		The Internet is a great place to view news, sports, porn, Harry Potter spoilers	(313)
(Cracked)		The 10 worst celebrity bands. Highlights (or lowlights): Listen to Russell Crowe sing "Folsom Prison Blues," enjoy Bob Schieffer insisting he's "no Brokeback Mountain dude"	(57)
(Some Guy)		Britney has a slapfest with her mother. Or was it KFed? Whatever. Crazy trailer trash, white people, they all look the same	(48)
		Lebron James goes to the NBA Finals with 11 anonymous teammates. Now will host SNL with 11 anonymous actors	(43)
(NY Daily News)		"Law & Order" reruns to get an extreme makeover if Fred Thompson runs for president. Dun --- [silence]	(34)
(Jezebel)		Christina Ricci tries the Louise Brooks look... aaaaand we have fail	(100)
		Dave Chappelle released from hospital after bout with "exhaustion." Yeah, well, lifting and lighting that pipe can really wear you out	(28)
		Listening to music releases the same "feel good" chemicals as eating and having sex. This is why I can't quit you, Billy Ray Cyrus	(26)
		Winning millions at the World Series of Poker can lead to downfall. Or so says this article about the last five big winners who all are living responsibly	(15)
		The best supervillain costumes of all time	(55)
		The first new James Bond book in 42 years set for publication	(18)
		Cover of James Blunt's new CD is the greatest one critics have seen for years. Many hold it and croon, "You're Beautiful" (pic)	(46)
		"Friday Night Lights" is the best show on TV and should be rewarded justly via a shiatload of Emmy nominations on Thursday	(44)
		Crowded House, Squeeze, The Police and Genesis all touring this summer. Break out the leg warmers, Michelle, it's 1986 all over again	(36)
(Some Gossip)		Former "Home Improvement" star loses house, mind. Surprisingly, not Tim Allen	(54)
		"Primetime" to go to rehab with Daniel Baldwin. Wonder if he'll kick his crippling desire to be an attention whore	(9)
(Some Guy)		New "Indiana Jones" movie may be beginning of new trilogy. George Lucas unavailable for comment, swimming in his ginormous money bin	(21)

		Let's have a moment of silence for Sonny Chiba retiring from action films. Or, better yet, just kick someone you love in the neck	(10)
(doubleviking)		Real men love the Fifth Element	(101)
(A Socialite's Life)		Andy Dick to Jon Lovitz: ''I put the Phil Hartman Hex on you - you're the next one to die." Jon Lovitz to Andy Dick: "Here, let me show you your blood." Violent ass-whoopin' ensues	(150)
		Bill S. Preston, Esq. is 42 today. FORTY-TWO? Bogus	(31)
(Some Guy)		Val Kilmer should rethink those late night burger runs	(60)
		Want to watch Victoria Beckham shop, house-hunt, and apply for a driver's licence? No? Neither does anyone else	(30)
		Dreamworks announces that fifth Shrek movie will be the final one. In other news, there's going to be a fourth Shrek movie	(23)
		Paris to Posh: Let's be friend. Posh to Paris: DIAF	(49)
		NBC thinks a new "Idol" clone hosted by Joey Fatone will boost its ratinBWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA--sorry, I just couldn't say that without laughing	(27)
		What's worse than summer TV programming filled with lame reality shows and reruns? This fall's upcoming schedule	(160)
		Sting stung	(89)
		I sense much creepy in you, young Skywalker	(59)
		Al Sharpton's next target? TMZ.com for calling Beyonce a "roboho" for wearing a silver metallic dress	(262)
		Art owner alleges Warhol conspiracy. Of course, if you paid tens of millions of dollars for that crap, you'd probably complain, too	(15)
(Daily Herald)		Woman who reviews books for a Catholic home-schooling magazine discovers logic, reason when she learns the Harry Potter books aren't evil	(35)
		UK’s version of Wal-Mart: New Harry Potter book is too expensive for children. Publisher: You can’t have copies then, not yours	(32)
		"If you have a mobile phone on, please switch it off. If it is on your Jedi utility belt, please get a life"	(33)
		Alicia Witt to join "Law and Order" franchise. Pull over for an official redhead thread	(183)
(Jezebel)		Redbook magazine photoshops away Faith Hill's badonkadonk	(64)
		Everything you need to know about life can be learned from watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"	(124)
		Actor who didn't use homophobic slur, then did, then didn't , but really did even though he didn't gets new starring role	(27)
		Michael Moore calls a truce after being completely pwned by CNN	(193)

(Some Guy)		If you happen know the present whereabouts of the the Siamese twins who were on the cover of the 1993 Smashing Pumpkins album "Siamese Dream", go ahead and let Billy Corgan know. Thanks in advance	(32)
		The Apprentice + Has Been Celebrities = Profit	(12)
		Don Imus is returning to radio, just as soon as he finds a black sidekick	(25)
(Some Guy)		Hollywood is out of ideas: "Ace Ventura 3" in works, starring that fat kid from "Nancy Drew" instead of Jim Carrey	(24)
		America already sick of looking at Victoria Beckham's leathery orange face	(48)
		My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my TV show. Prepare to die	(27)
		Star Jones to speak about how he lost all that weight	(20)
		Having only slightly dented America's population of midget tranny adulturers who want to out their baby daddy on TV, "Springer" and "Maury Povich" renewed for three more years	(30)
		Jennifer Lopez admits she can't stay away from junk food as she gets closer and closer to qualifying as a Macy's Parade blimp	(14)
(RadarOnline)		The many shades of Murdoch	(18)
(Metadish)		Scott Baio confuses a corduroy couch for Erin Moran's vagina and "makes love" to it. Still not clear who this reflects worse on	(135)
(Some JAG)		If you are competing on a reality show to be the next Food Network Star, you might not want to lie about your culinary training and military service. That might come back to haunt you	(19)
		Hip injury forces 70-year old Jane Fonda to give up yoga, so she took up sex. In other news, someone is voluntarily having sex with a 70 year old woman	(53)
(Some Guy)		Steven Seagal suing lawyers for overcharging him. Case to involve several slow-mo fight scenes and camera work designed to hide his bald spot	(24)
(Some Guy)		Not news: someone hacks into your computer. News: and steals nude photos your boyfriend took of you. Fark: you're Lindsay Lohan	(541)
(Inigo Montoya)		The Princess Bride is 20 years old. "Where are they now" article - RIP, Andre	(144)
		Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab. Fark needs an auto-repeat feature for some headlines	(16)
(Some Guy)		Caption what Tom Cruise is writing	(63)
		Harry Potter is killing American literature	(112)
(Egotastic)		Geek favorite Olivia Munn posed for Men's Health in a bikini. With pic goodness *sfw*	(52)
		F****** Chef Gordon Ramsay may have f****** told a big fat f****** fib about a f****** f****** f****** f****** fish he f****** claims he f****** f****** f****** f****** caught. F******. The f****** Sun is f****** there	(51)
(Some Guy)		Want to read the Harry Potter book but afraid you're too manly to be seen doing it on the bus? Here are some fake book jackets you can print off, including "A Man's Guide To Penis Reduction Surgery" (Not safe for work language)	(48)
(Some Guy)		Does hip hop promote smoking? "Beyonce is holding a cigar on the back of her album cover, and that sends a powerful message to young girls that it's cool to be like me and smoke cigars."	(56)
(Some Guy)		Sci-Fi Channel to start airing three-minute episodes of "Battlestar Galactica" in October	(25)
		Farscape is (sorta) coming back. Frel, yeah	(42)
		A second X-Files movie is almost in production? I want to believe	(50)
		Dust off those old vinyl records, apparently they're cool again	(46)