Sorry Nathon Fillion fans, FOX yanks the last two episodes of Drive off the schedule permanently	(4)
		Chewbacca assaults Marilyn Monroe in the midst of the Harry Potter premiere	(86)
(Some Guy)		Halle Berry named "the world's most fabulous 40-something celebrity"	(45)
(Some Guy)		The Transformers makes a record $152 million in its first week of release. suck it, haters	(135)
		You're rehired	(15)
		From the TMI files: new theory emerges on why notorious neat-freak Clark Gable probably didn't have an affair with Marilyn Monroe. "She suffered from what today would be described as a form of irritable bowel syndrome"	(33)
		Friend of Lizard King claims Morrison OD'ed in a Paris nightclub, not the bathtub. Fark bonus: The New York Times was there and sworn to secrecy	(17)
		Worst cartoons evar	(139)
(M&G)		Plus-sized lesbian rock singer slams Angelina Jolie for not being genuinely bisexual	(62)
		Surprising: FBI Questions American Idol Finalist over fight with a girl over airplane seating. Surprising: TFA suggests girl won. Not so surprising: Yeah, it was Clay Aiken	(7)

(Some Tone-deaf Celeb)		Learning nothing from prison, Paris Hilton is once more poised to threaten the world with a possible singing career	(23)
		Bah Humbug, Jim Carrey set to star as Scrooge in Robert Zemeckis' remake of "A Christmas Carol"	(59)
		Man has been filming his own "Star Trek" movie for the past seven years at his dead grandmothers house	(38)
		Live Earth concerts: artists flight distance = 222,623.63 miles, carbon emissions produced by all concerts = 31,500 tons, carbon emissions including TV audience = 74,500 tons, hypocrisy = off the scale	(358)
(TMZ)		Little person Britney Spears impersonator joined on stage by mini Justin Timberlake. Midget trifecta in play	(13)
(Crain's NY Business)		Jacked: WCBS-FM radio dumps "Jack" format, returns to oldies music next week	(62)
(Some Guy)		Reportedly, Streisand never would perform in Germany. Nothing a $2m check per concert couldn’t cure. So much for the outrage	(23)

(Neatorama)		A timeline of TV censorship, beginning in 1942 when ██████ ██ ████	(45)
		Goran Visnjic, who plays Dr. Luka Kovac and is married to Ivana Vrdoljak, named in paternity suit filed by Mirela Rupic. Pat Sajak wanted for questioning for theft of key consonants	(17)
		Dr. Who, Season 3 starts tonight on SciFi (That's in America for you lucky blokes in the UK who have already seen this season.)	(137)
		Next time you whine about MTV never playing videos, remember this gem was once chosen video of the year	(93)
(Quirky News)		Ozzy gets star in home-town, then says "Piss on it, like I did the Alamo"	(12)
		Reviewer would rather gouge out his eyes, be sewn into a bag of pooping robot children, and rip out his pubes than watch "License to Wed". Don't mince words, how do you REALLY feel?	(45)
		Hey DCers, they just announced that there's going to be a Live Earth concert tommorrow morning at the mall. Some country singer named Gareth something or other will be performing	(42)
		J.J. Abrams is making a Cthulhu movie	(114)
		Britney explains how she got so flabby: "I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away"	(56)
		Chris Tucker does not smoke weed	(25)
		Jack White is officially the King of Rock'n'Roll	(182)
(TMZ.com)		UK threatens war on US - unless we take Paula Abdul back	(20)
(Cinematical)		If you had "Minnie Driver" in your next-Lara-Croft pool, time to collect and buy a round	(63)
(Some Guy)		Hilary Duff almost loses her bikini top while playing in the surf. (sfw)	(38)
		Matt Groening to Prime Minister Gordon Brown: You can't have a cameo on The Simpsons. Not yours	(19)
(Cinematical)		Speed 3 is coming... and somehow Dennis Hopper is going to be in it. Keanu Reeves still taller	(26)
		"Sex and the City" movie finally in the works. Kim Cattrall to begin oiling knees	(61)
		Here's how computer experts think the reunited Spice Girls would look without makeup and cosmetic enhancement. Safe for work, probably not safe for breakfast	(25)
		26 bucks for a talking Sixteen Candles keychain? No more yankie my wankie	(18)

(Some Guy)		Film critic finally sums it up: Michael Bay is a sociopath	(238)
(People Magazine)		Ex-Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson has a son. In related news, there was actually a straight member of the Backstreet Boys	(23)
(Some Guy)		Happy birthday to Fark's favorite cartoonist	(58)
		Religious protests of the Simpsons movie commencing in 3...2...1	(90)
		Xanadu may come to Broadway. Did they learn NOTHING from Starlight Express??	(29)
(700 Club)		Pat Robertson's attack machine gears up for the next Harry Potter book	(156)
(Some Guy)		10 funniest Simpsons episodes ever, according to Vanity Fair. The arguing about how Vanity Fair has its head up its ass starts in the link to the right	(276)
		Mandy Moore opens mouth, closes legs. "You know, guys suck"	(86)
		People are actually suing to be credited as having the songwriting genius to write HEY HEY YOU YOU I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE	(95)
		Snoop wants to become an Aussie, put shrizzle on the brizzle	(23)

(Daily India)		Russell Crowe puts letter to son in time capsule. Fast forward to 2032: Son reads “blah blah blah oscar blah blah gladiator blah blah idiot blah blah blah I probably need money now blah blah Mad Dog 20/20”	(19)
(SlashFilm)		Hollywood is out of ideas, part 6: Jason Lee stars in "Alvin and the Chipmunks"	(56)
		Avril Lavigne being sued by 70s songwriters for stealing their song; still waiting to be KHITBASHed by 70s punks for making a mockery of their movement	(85)
		In 1991, Kool-Aid introduced "Cherry Cracker," one of the world's only Independence Day-themed beverages	(12)
(People Magazine)		It's a vagina, Katherine, not a clown car	(70)
(Some Ewok)		Why Star Wars fans hate Star Wars	(113)
		BBC admits viewers may be put off by documentaries with titles such as "F**k Off I'm a Hairy Woman"	(14)
		White Stripes, Nine Inch Nails push flash drives as next medium for music	(41)
(ABC Action News)		"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm a jackass"	(28)
		Catherine Tate confirmed by the BBC as Dr Who's new companion for season 4. Flamewar to the right	(91)
		Concert ticket prices sharply up this year. Tickets for a five-concert series this summer, featuring Prince, Billy Joel, Tom Petty, James Taylor and Dave Matthews, available for $15,000	(20)
(ET)		Is Wayne Brady gonna have to divorce a biatch?	(28)
		Oliver Stone responds to being called "Great Satan" by Imadinnerjacket thusly: "I wish the Iranian people well, and only hope their experience with an inept, rigid ideologue president goes better than ours"	(36)
(Spin.com)		Pete Doherty pleads guilty to possession of heroin. And crack. And cannabis. And ketamine. Oh, and he showed up for the hearing two and a half hours late	(14)
		OJ Simpson's book "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened" will be published after all. However, Goldman family now owns the rights, and will retitle it "Confessions of a Double Murderer"	(56)

(Some Guy ready for the apocalypse)		And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see: Genesis on reunion tour	(12)
(Some Guy)		CHUD reports the official name will be Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods. Article has possible spoilers, so... you go first	(31)
		"I don't just do sexual positions. I also do cuddles and kisses and fun things. But the sex is what people want. I give them what they want. I'm an entrepreneur."	(61)
(Some Sax player)		Saxophonist Boots Randolph has died at the age of 80. Funeral procession will take place at a comically rapid pace with scantily clad women and an English bobby	(51)
		A pictorial journey through Kwik-E-Mart complete with stereotypical clerk. Thank you, come again	(23)
(Some Dementor)		Harry Potter 101, soon to be the latest class offered at the University of Phoenix	(16)
(Some Guy)		Christina Aguilera is pregnant. Star baby trifecta in play	(43)
(TMZ)		Nicole Richie is pregnant by singer from Good Charlotte. You could not get more suck into a headline if you tried	(50)
		Elton John furious because he had to walk 50 whole yards to his dressing room after the Diana tribute. Oh, the gay manatee	(56)
(People Magazine)		A week after playing the race card, Isaiah Washington takes step two and is now blaming the victim. Step three - entering rehab - expected any day now	(41)
		PETA have sent the producers of "Speed Racer" a sternly worded letter after hearing the news that somebody spanked the monkey on the set	(27)
		Tennis hottie Maria Sharapova wants to be a Bond girl. Getting ready to star in "From Russia With 40-Love" and "You Only Fault Twice"	(55)
(AJC)		Who charges more per seat, Jerry Seinfeld or Andrew "Dice" Clay? Wait, what?	(45)
(Some Dork)		Tuesday morning "Transformers Kicked Ass" Thread. How many of you thirty-somethings went and saw it by yourself because your SO laughed when you asked them to go?	(196)
(Hollywood Tuna)		Scarlett Johansson gets a nose ring. No longer "Sexiest Woman Alive”	(127)
		The fat lady has sung for opera legend Beverly Sills; passes away from lung cancer at 78	(17)
		Salman Rushdie divorced by ex-model wife. And no, you still don't stand a chance with her	(25)

		Lenny Kravitz designs hotel lounge. It looks eerily like something Zeppelin, the Beatles, glam-era Bowie, KISS, or T-Rex would have designed	(20)
		One of the most stunning sci-fi films of all time premiered forty-eight years ago today	(48)
		Git R Drunk	(207)
		Christian Bale hangs upside down with face buried in an ants' nest ¿buoɹʍ ob ʎ1qıssod p1noɔ ʇɐɥʍ	(46)
(Some Guy)		Don Imus may be returning to radio. National Association of Nappy Headed Hoes issues angry press release	(36)
(People Magazine)		And now for Criss Angel's latest trick - making half of his fortune disappear	(59)
		Elizabeth Hurley under fire for dressing her 5-year old son in a pink bikini and using it on her website	(43)
		Doctor Who will get a new companion next series	(143)
		Princess Diana tribute concert goes out with a bang (with photo gallery, Prince William "dancing")	(45)
		Harvard Square to be renamed Hogwart's Square, in what is called "the most grand celebration of literature in Harvard history"	(30)
		7-11 converts 12 stores to Kwik-E-Marts featured in "The Simpsons," and will sell Krusty-O's, Squishee's and Buzz Cola	(66)
		Old Spice admits: “I’m more unpopular than Bin Laden”	(32)
		Bruce Campbell’s new series Burn Notice was the highest rated show on cable for its night. Cool tag used because of the lack of a Groovy one, baby	(33)