"One hundred years from now Beatles songs may be so well known that every child will learn them as nursery rhymes, and most people will have forgotten who wrote them"	(15)
		Don't look now you little lawn-trespassing, baggy-pants-wearing pretards, but a rock group with an average age of 78 is rocking the charts. Hope you die before you get old	(12)
(Some Guy)		After less than three full days at Promises rehab in Malibu, Lindsay Lohan has already left twice	(18)
(Cracked)		Top ten secret Scientologists exposed	(58)
		Glastonbury line-up released. Meet the new suck, same as the old suck	(22)
		Neil Gaiman announces plans to give millions of comic book fans what they're craving: Death. Sweet, sweet, merciful Death. Guillermo del Toro named as a possible accomplice	(33)
(If It's Movies)		Bruce Willis says yes to more "Die Hard" movies	(28)
		Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco to appear on Dr. Phil show. On the bright side, there is an above average chance that someone will get shot in the face	(13)
		Among other things, Juliette Lewis believes that Scientology helps her face lonely fears, and women are like houseplants	(44)
		Lindsay Lohan will be unable to attend today's MTV Music Awards because she is dry-heaving over the toilet bowl. She sends her regards	(21)
		George Michael cancels concert after truck crash. Surprisingly, this time he wasn't driving	(7)
		May the Farce be With You: Family Guy is doing Star Wars	(52)

(Some Guy)		Katie Holmes wants more baby Thetans	(22)
(Some Guy)		Prince William says he's sad but okay over his breakup with Kate Middleton. So here's a picture of Prince	(16)
		Man charged with uploading episodes of 24. Jack Bauer dispatched to shoot him in both thighs	(17)
		Criss Angel denies dating Cameron Diaz, saying they're just friends. He is, however, able to make his penis disappear inside her	(13)
(englishrussia.com)		Handdrawn American movie poster collection from Belarus; guess which movie they represent	(72)
		Jolly good sport Hugh Grant cleared in attack with baked beans. Still wanted for questioning in steak-and-kidney pie attack	(6)
		Sponge Bob no longer content to live in a pineapple under the sea, will be moving to ugly-ass hotel in San Diego	(48)
(Journalism.org)		Study shows Fox News coverage of Anna Nicole Smith in first quarter of 2007 was almost as much as the Iraq War	(40)
		"You're the worst sex I ever had, you couldn't find my clit if I drew you a map" (language Not safe for work)	(53)
		MTV visits the Iron Man set, sees Robert Downey's helmet hair, less fat Favreau	(19)
(Some Guy)		Jason Biggs would strip naked on stage for the right part. Let's hope that part never comes	(11)
(Some Guy)		Star Wars: The Comic Book That Saved Marvel. With sweet, sweet 70's pic	(8)
(L.A. Weekly)		Every English teacher you've ever had was wrong	(226)
(Some Guy)		Paris Hilton dropped by her record label because she sucks. Also, she doesn't make good music	(11)
(Dose)		From yucky-yummy to icky, the oddest couples on film	(23)
		The Rock and his wife are separating, marriage in rubble; apparently he never really boulder over, probably took her for granite	(45)
		How you can write a Number One record: Just don't follow these simple rules	(16)
		Remember when Prince was the shiat when he put out Purple Rain? Seriously.. remember it, because he is now selling his soul 4 Verizon	(29)
		The reason that nothing good is on television is because entertainers are increasingly putting their ideas on the internet, where they have more creative freedom. Even if the idea happens to be a buddy show featuring a pair of testicles	(21)
(Zap2It)		Denise Richards planning to play an exotic dancer in an upcoming movie. Gentlemen, start your codpieces	(11)
		It's only 2007, but we already have our Trial of the Century: Johnny Knoxville sued by dumbass who claims he was tricked into putting his penis into a mousetrap	(15)
(Some Guy)		White smoke reported at 30 Rockefeller Center, NBC headquarters	(32)

		Flip This House star didn't actually own, repair or flip many houses but he did get rich quick. Caveat Emptor	(75)
(Some Guy)		Lindsay Lohan's arrest could ruin nights out for the rest of Hollywood's underage drinkers	(52)
(Some Guy)		Paris Hilton to publish memoirs of her time in jail	(50)
(Some Guy)		Marilyn Manson attacks Lindsay Lohan's genitalia	(56)
(Some Guy)		Lindsay Lohan is "happy" in rehab and uhhhh oh hell does anyone care anymore?	(28)
(celebhell.com)		Jennifer Aniston has a new mystery man. Ross inconsolable	(24)
		The upside of rock stardom: signing the ample breasts of female fans. The downside of rock stardom: being threatened with a knife because you refused to sign a fan's penis	(14)
		Fantastic Four: Quest For The Largest Codpiece	(31)
		In order to give critics a break from bashing them, the Police have started doing it themselves	(57)
(Some Guy)		"Cornhole: The Movie" is already rousing much interest from cornhole enthusiasts	(39)
(WLBZ2.com)		Tracy Morgan says he'll keep fighting alcohol problem, one beer at a time	(13)
(NY Daily News)		Paris Hilton hires hair and makeup team for perp walk: "The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies." Obvious and Dumbass tag have it out in Ultimate Fighting Championship	(19)
(Some Guy)		Fox News security guards escort crazy "Red Eye" commentator out of studio for last time. "The View" producers demand their resumes	(20)
(Some Guy)		It's official: "Battlestar Galactica" will be sailing off to Earth's sunset after next season	(62)
(Some Guy)		Jessica Simpson wants Tony Romo to fumble with her snapper	(35)
		Tony Bastable, host of "Magpie", dies	(4)
		Eli Roth vows to close Hostel series after being tortured by "Spider-Man 3"	(40)
		Anybody want to see the movie version of Speed Racer's car?	(31)
(Outpost Gallifrey)		Doctor Who will NOT be canceled, will live to regenerate once again. Daleks seen picketing BBC in protest	(18)

		Ozzy says that dyslexics like him can't read the Bible. Where is your dog now?	(27)
		Elric saga to be made into a film	(62)
(Some Guy)		Hollywood is out of ideas but not comic books: "Teen Titans" headed to big-screen	(57)
		Lindsay Lohan's father says she's addicted to OxyContin. Would explain clear, acne-free complexion	(35)
		Phil Spector's defense focuses on mistakes in collecting evidence and the fact that Chewbacca lives on Endor	(64)
(BoingBoing)		Remember that whole "I'm here to shoot a pilot" thing? Yeah, well, Mike Figgis says it didn't happen	(11)
		Coming to a movie plaza near you: Harry Potter and the opening in U.S. theaters two days earlier than expected	(89)
		Dominic Monaghan amassed a collection of bugs and reptiles while living in Hawaii shooting "Lost." Now that he's leaving, "one by one he set the ones that didn't die free"	(44)
		Shirley Maclaine rearranges her filming schedule for Lindsay Lohan. And judging by the picture, Shirley Maclaine also had her face rearranged	(24)
		Photos of the PMITA cell where Paris will do her time, the prison guard	(99)
		Dr. Who to be cancelled after next season. Commence the level 3 nerdgasm of sorrow	(55)
(myfoxkc.com)		Kansas City woman wants to serve Paris Hilton's sentence	(74)
(SuicideGirls)		The internet's favorite child actor turned blogger gets all sappy	(42)

(Some Gay)		David Hyde Pierce is gay. In other news, Bill Gates is rich, the Pope is Catholic and Drew likes beer	(75)
		Rock singer puts the blame for the state of the fashion industry at the well-pedicured feet of gay men	(36)
(Some Guy)		Nuts for "Jericho" campaign tally approaching 30,000 lbs	(34)
(Gadgetroad)		Stracraft + Touchscreen Tablet PC + Linux = Future gaming experience	(63)
		Networks get increasingly desperate to get people to watch commercials. This is your cue to post smugly in the thread about how you don't watch TV	(121)
		Son of Sam (the Record Man) decides to close the doors on Toronto's legendary record store. Blames music downloads, voices from neighbor's dog	(52)
		New UK Big Brother series has all females. 12 females, including a lap dancer, locked in a house together. Possible drunken girl-on-girl action raised by a factor of four	(15)
		Pop star told to remove girl's name from song because she is being teased. Roxanne, Gloria, Allison, Michelle, and Sharona unavailable for comment	(108)
		Just when you think American cinema can't get any worse, Dane Cook makes another movie	(65)
		Nicole Richie's sick anorexic party invite - implores her friends to turn up in their "sluttiest tops" - no fatties allowed	(43)
(Some Transvestite)		OMFG - The LOLcky Horror Picture Show	(24)
		Sammy Hagar surely doesn't need Van Halen, not with 10,000 bottles of wine at his disposal	(11)
		Mischa Barton smoked an odd shaped hand rolled cigarette at the Cannes film festival. What could it be? (with pics)	(26)
		Vanilla Ice is handling being a has-been quite well. Of course, the occasional celebrity bull-riding tournament does help	(9)
		Not to be outdone by Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears seen leaving a hotel bar covered in her own puke. Thankfully, The Sun wasn't there	(28)

(Orlando Sentinel)		Scott Stapp's wife makes former Creed singer eat his words, apologize, promise to never sing again. Unfortunately, one of those statements isn't true	(13)
		From the Romero Institute, a new study showing that by surfing the intarwebs you just may happen across spoilers to movies, which will totally ruin your weekend	(14)
		Styx bassist on Dennis DeYoung reunion: "I would hope it could happen"	(34)
(EON)		50 Cent is $400 million richer, no thanks to any album sales or music-related deals. His beverage company was just bought out by Coca Cola for $4.1 billion	(44)
(People Magazine)		Barbara Walters says Rosie's welcome to return to "The View". Hasselbeck overheard muttering something that sounded like "cold day in hell"	(21)
(Cinematical)		The director of Leaving Las Vegas, while going through security at LAX, told the security officer he was in LA to "shoot a pilot." Since you're reading this at Fark, obviously the security officer isn't a big TV person	(30)
		Fans of "Prison Break" requesting that producers make the show more believable by adding gay scenes	(36)
(Some Guy)		Natalie Portman, who was not in the original movie, is disappointed she was not invited to attend the 30th anniversary of "Star Wars"	(67)
		Dominic Monaghan pissed to be killed off "Lost"; says there are other less liked characters they could have axed	(119)
(Some Geek)		Live in the Carolinas and need something to do this weekend? Check out ConCarolinas	(15)
		ZARD singer Izumi Sakai dead	(44)
		The "alpha male" is dead. Say a quiet hello to the "beta male"	(278)
(TheAge.au)		Right Said Fred singer punched in the face, but for all the wrong reasons	(26)

(Poughkeepsie Journal)		Vassar commencement speaker Terry Gross (of NPR) has to back out at last minute, delivers speech via radio on podium; grads mystified as to what this "radio" device might be	(73)
(WZZM13.com)		Rosie O'Done says she may never speak to Elisabeth Hasselbeck again. The rest of the world desperately seeking to find out how Elisabeth Hasselbeck did it	(64)
		Did you just win a large jackpot at a Pennsylvania casino but don't want to keep it? Just sign up for the state's self-exclusion program as 52 other people have done	(5)
(TMZ)		George Clooney laments Brad Pitt's rough life, calls Angelina Jolie a "horrible, ugly wife", encourages Pitt to kill himself (with video)	(22)
		When throwing a party for 350 of your closest friends, it's easy to forget to invite a person or two. However, that is usually not your wife	(12)
		Sometimes horrific reviews do have an impact, as latest "Pirates" movie fails to match the opening haul of its predecessor. That said, it still raked in $112.5 million in box-office booty	(69)
(People Magazine)		Eva Mendes said she needed a cocktail to film sex scene. Submitter grabs camcorder, offers to buy the next round	(19)
		Actress Mischa Barton hospitalized for “negative reaction to medication”	(30)
(Some Guy)		Dumb Dora Was SO DUMB that when she heard Charles Nelson Reilly had died, instead of praying that he would Rest In Peace she prayed that he would Rest In (blank)	(246)