Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2007-04-29 23:59:59'

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Sun April 29, 2007

	Bsinger Bjork Bmodels Bnew Bdeadswan Bdress Bat Bcoachella	(18)
(The Leaky Cauldron)	Emma Watson: "I won’t be appearing naked on stage with a horse, if that’s what you mean"	(44)
	Police costs for investigating goings on in the UK Big Brother programmes has hit £350,000 over the last 6 years	(7)
	Music producer receives death threats from fans of The Smiths for covering one of their songs; which is totally ironic because Smiths fans usually just want to kill themselves	(18)
	Summer movie lineup full of familiar faces, shiat	(42)
(Some Guy)	Seacrest's former co-host Brian Dunkleman on quitting "American Idol" after first year: "I have what a lot of people refer to as 'poor judgment'"	(14)
(Some Guy)	Alyson Hannigan on vacation. Almost forgot, she's wearing a bikini. Please think of the kittens	(58)
(the superficial)	Tobey Maguire spins a web of dickishness around a fan	(40)
(guitarworld.com)	Strange details of ex-Boston singer Brad Delp's suicide, involving two charcoal grills, a dryer hose and four notes	(23)
(Some Guy)	Adam Carolla's proudest moment came when Ann Coulter hung up on him	(16)
	Someone finally ate Bart's shorts	(29)

Sat April 28, 2007

	John Mayer's advice about global warming? "Don't worry about it, it'll all be fixed by the end of this summer."	(30)
(Zap2It)	NBC to burn off the six remaining 'Studio 60' episodes starting May 24th in ER's old timeslot	(20)
(Some Guy)	The new 15-minute Spinal Tap reunion rockumentary	(24)
(Some Guy)	In defense of Alec Baldwin and his parental woes	(56)
(Dilbert)	Scott Adams discusses how United Media rejected a recent Dilbert comic strip because it was "too provocative" (with pic of original)	(182)
	Sesame Street to be adapted for Northern Ireland. Bert calls the Pope the Anti-Christ whilst Ernie gives support to the IRA	(40)
	Nicole Kidman may star in remake of How To Marry A Millionaire after her success in How To Marry A Gay Scientologist and How To Marry An Addict Country Singer	(11)
(Some Guy)	Comic-book movie veteran David Goyer to direct "Magneto Rising." Magneto will find even more ways to kill zombies in a mall	(14)
	Prince Charles might be a little too old to understand the new music of Phil Collins and Wham, and thus avoids the concert	(4)
	Here's what your favorite female celebrities would look like bald	(134)
	Quentin Tarantino guarantees that his movies will continue to get worse	(43)

Fri April 27, 2007

(Some Replicant)	Do androids dream of CBS partnerships?	(9)
(Some Guy)	If you're Lindsay Lohan's driver and you plow into Tony Bennett's daughter, what do you do? If your answer is: Yell "Do you know how I am?" then you belong in Hollywood, jackass	(17)
(Filmwad)	Those pirated "Spider-Man 3" DVDs on the streets on China were fakes. The movie inside is a 2001 made-for-TV movie starring Dan Aykroyd. Pirates say those were actually cheaper than blank DVDs	(15)
	Good news: Pam Anderson is back and jiggling in her red Baywatch swimsuit. Bad news: The things that shouldn't jiggle do, and the things that do, shouldn't	(31)
	Cheerleaders who became famous (pics)	(118)
(Daily 10)	Top 10 gangs in movie history. How could this be a top 10 list if The Orphans wasn’t there?	(32)
(Mark Jenkins)	Coolest pictures of street art you'll see today. Some exhibits may cost you and arm and a leg	(12)
	Ripped from the headlines: NBC to pull the plug on Law & Order. DUNK DUNK	(31)
	First production shot of Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man	(42)
	NBC Producer in trouble for calling Asians "Chinamen." That's not the preferred nomenclature, dude	(54)
	Thumbs up for Ebert as he returns to the Overlooked Film Festival (warning: do not look at pic in link)	(28)
(Badmouth.net)	Nicolas Cage's career attempts suicide for the second time this year in bloated crapfest "Next"	(28)
	Christopher Cross, best known for his hits "Sailing" and "Arthur's Theme," files for divorce. In other news, Christopher Cross is still alive	(42)
	Nic Cage clench-mouth-talks through yet another horribly awful movie. Ben Awfleck pleased to have company in Suckville	(41)
(Some Guy)	Here's your chance to buy "The General Lee" directly from Bo Duke. Yeeeee-haw	(219)
	Daniel Craig goes off the deep end when a male fan snaps a picture of his rear end	(25)
	Naked, spread-eagle Paris Hilton autopsy sculpture with "removable innards" created to warn teens of the dangers of underage drinking, gang bangs	(123)
	Cellist Mstislav Rostropovich dies at 80, apparently of Misplaced Vowel Syndrome	(22)
(Some Guy)	Today's "female celebrity who says she's had a lesbian relationship" story brought to you by former Spice Girl Melanie Brown	(19)
(Pensacola News Journal)	Toss a dead fish across the state line during this weekend's 23rd annual Flora-Bama Interstate Mullet Toss	(21)
	Coming soon: Bollywood version of "Charlie's Angels" featuring three spunky girls armed with gadgets, guns and interminable song-and-dance routines	(13)
	Paris Hilton says she's "the hottest biatch in L.A." Technically, she may be right	(32)
	Crazed fan attempts to run down "Monster Garage" host Jesse James, sadly not with the Mustang lawnmower	(11)
	Baldwin makes TV apology, consults Dr Phil, has no private life	(19)

Thu April 26, 2007

	Britney blames her problems with drugs and alcohol on Justin Timberlake. Oh, and she's writing a book about it	(52)
(nydailynews.com)	Bobby Pickett, singer of the Monster Mash, becomes a graveyard smash at 69	(27)
	Film industry lobbyist Jack Valenti has died; given a PG-13 rating	(175)
	Shrek blasted for dietary hypocrisy	(98)
	Prince invites Paris Hilton onstage at his concert and publicly humiliates her	(78)
(Some Guy)	Not news: Drunk crashes car. News: It's the rapper Eve. Fark: She crashed a gold Maserati	(30)
	Alec Baldwin says he "couldn't care less" whether he acts again, which suggests that he was acting at some point in the past	(49)
	Indian court has ordered Richard Gere's arrest for kissing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS campaign event	(163)
	Hugh Grant blows up at photographer, tosses his beans	(25)
	Celine Dion and Elvis Presley, on stage together. "American Idol" must be really desperate if they're using a Canadian and a dead guy	(22)
	George Lucas and Mark Hamill reuinite for Star Wars spoof, then look at each other and realize they've already made "Return of the Jedi"	(35)
	Kirsten Dunst was a bust filling out her role as Mary Jane in "Spider-Man 3"	(41)
(Fire In The Sky)	If you don't like the song "Smoke on the Water," steer clear of Kansas City on June 3rd	(23)
	Drew Barrymore beats out Scarlett Johansson and all three Jessicas for the No. 1 spot on People's "100 Most Beautiful People" list	(73)

Wed April 25, 2007

	Those inconsiderate pigs at NBC won't let Alec Baldwin quit	(21)
	Fox pulls yet another show starring Nathan Fillion from it's lineup	(83)
(Post Chronicle)	Sanjaya Malakar busted for bad singing, Mom busted for selling marijuana	(15)
(Some Guy)	Chuck Norris blames, "our graphic slasher media" as a reason for the VT massacre. On a side note: submitter just bought “Missing in Action,” “The Hitman,” and “Forced Vengeance” off eBay	(103)
	Woman from this morning's thread that blamed global warming on daylight savings time turns out to be a lawyer. Followup tag beats scary by about an hour	(77)
	The newest catfight in Hollywood involves Reese Witherspoon telling Jennifer Aniston to keep her hands off Jake Gyllenhaal. No word yet if Reese has addressed Jake's special relationship with Lance Armstrong	(33)
	Network executives --who apparently don't actually watch TV-- are stumped as to why ratings are down this month	(186)
(Some Guy)	Michael Bay swears Optimus Prime doesn't have lips. Forget that preview everyone saw	(48)
	Opening statements to begin in Phil Spector case... oooh but what will his HAIR look like this time?	(27)
(Some Guy)	Harry Potter Land coming to Florida. Confused Lord Voldemort spotted circling area in left lane with blinker on	(73)
	Walt Disney's last words were 'Kurt Russell,' not 'Rosebud' as previously assumed	(40)
(Hot Air)	Rosie O'Donnell to announce today she's leaving "The View." There goes 20 percent of Fark's "Dumbass" tag greenlights	(195)
	Alec Baldwin has left his talent agency. They were a bunch of no talent losers not worthy of wasting his time, and they didn't have the decency or brains of a human being. He was embarrassed by the pigs, and their mothers, for the last time	(25)
	Kim Basinger is the new face of anti-aging product. No word on whether her plastic surgeon will be a part of the ad campaign as well	(12)
	George Lucas and Seth Green team up to produce special 30 min Robot Chicken: Star Wars episode set to premiere on June 17th	(27)
	The first half of the month-long celebration of Star Wars' 30th anniversary begins today. The second half will begin a couple of decades later in spectacularly disappointing fashion	(86)
(Blabbermouth)	Spinal Tap reunites to save the world from global warming	(47)
	Kathie Lee Gifford produces play on evangelism as she awaits Cody's upcoming stardom	(11)
	What has three legs and is no longer on "Dancing With the Stars"?	(18)
	Mick Jagger claims to have seen UFOs, though it was probably just the residual high he got from breathing the air Keith Richards exhaled	(6)
(Some Guy)	Chevy Chase blames his unfunny career on a bad childhood	(21)
	Because he's not too busy right now, Ethan Hawke cautions newer stars against fame	(9)
(TrekWeb)	"Battlestar Galactica" producer explains lessons he learned from "Star Trek Voyager": "Don't bullshiat the audience. Don't damage the ship this week, then bring it back in pristine condition the next"	(83)

Tue April 24, 2007

(Some Guy)	"Simpsons" ride coming to Universal Studios. "The ride is designed to duplicate the ‘Simpsons’ home-viewing experience, only at high speed and with lots of screaming"	(27)
	Ballantine Books to print "Star Wars: The Definitive Story Behind the Original Film", which will contain 200 pages of the phrase, "Ya, It didn't really happen like that."	(18)
(dgc360)	American Idol thread: The final 6 perform. Also with each vote cast tonight sponsors will donate money to the Charity Projects Entertainment Fund	(251)
	Kirsten puts on her Dunst cap after pub bender	(33)
	Fire on the set of Batman. Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb	(126)
(Some Guy)	Britney Spears has a sexy stomach again (with pics)	(96)
	"Spider-man 3" already available on DVD in China. In related news, Chinese movie pirates should be put in charge of everything requiring efficiency and promptness	(152)
(Some Guy)	Madonna "forgets" to give visitation rights to her baby's daddy in Malawi	(62)
	Because she's not too busy right now, Meg Ryan cautions newer stars against fame	(14)
(Some Guy)	Sienna Miller will replace Lindsay Lohan in a steamy film threesome with Keira Knightley	(52)
	Kim Basinger absolutely did not leak the tirade by Alec Baldwin against his little piggy daughter. However, she would like to thank that person	(330)
	Mischa Barton says she is at normal weight, and she doesn't like the media comparing her to her fellow bag of antlers Nicole Richie	(25)
	Roger Ebert tells gossip rags to suck it; going to film festival despite no longer resembling the studmuffin Adonis he once was	(51)
(Some Guy)	Confused director: "In America the film was passed uncut and rated R, the website was banned. In Malaysia the film is banned but the website's okay. In France the film is rated 12 and the website is considered juvenile"	(92)
(Some Guy)	Crazy Kim Basinger says she's hired security guards to protect her daughter form the media after putting her daughter in the media spotlight	(44)
	Two people assaulted and injured by Rod Stewart's worthless, waste-of-skin son	(17)
	Who watches "The Watchmen"? The writers of "Heroes"	(81)
(Entertainment Wise)	Us Weekly has asked Victoria Beckham to cover up her nipples, they are tired of seeing them	(6)
	Keith Richards' mother dies. Keith overcome with the sniffles	(17)
(Some Douglas)	Kirk Douglas has asked son Michael and daughter-in-law Catherine Zeta Jones to write autobiographies, to give them a perspective on their lives. Chapter 27: I married out of my league	(13)
	The original A-Team is getting back together to do a reality show. It sounded good until someone said 'to contact their deceased co star George Peppard'	(45)

Mon April 23, 2007

	Fifteen things Kurt Vonnegut said better than anyone else ever has or will	(35)
(Some Guy)	"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" trailer now online. Lord Voldemort looks shorter in person	(15)
	Def Jam's Simmons wants to remove offensive words from rap. Nubian, please	(30)
(Some Guy)	Val Kilmer is back, sexy as ever, demanding toilets	(26)
(PR Newswire)	"Saturday Night Live" to air best of 2006-07 season. It will be a 30-minute program, which includes two encores of that "d-ck in a box" video	(46)
(TV Week)	Today on "This Old House," we'll show you how to remove a stubborn home-improvement show host using just a closet auger and half-inch hammer drill	(14)
	Finally -- tonight is the first new episode of "Heroes" in six weeks	(47)
(FMQB)	Popular cartoon band Gorillaz rumored to be disbanding. Rumors that bassist Murdoc Niccals has an uncontrolled addiction to paint thinner remain unconfirmed	(19)
	Zach cut from "Heroes" because he refused to come out of the phone booth	(31)
(Some Guy)	Carmen Electra has a crush on Kate Moss	(20)
	Bruce Campbell set to return as Elvis in Bubba Ho-Tep prequel	(39)
	Turns out Joan Rivers and her no-talent spawn got fired because they were a bit hard to deal with. The mind just boggles	(14)
	Attorney who lost on this season's "The Apprentice" claims she's going to do a photoshoot for Playboy to inspire cancer survivors	(17)
(Newsbusters)	Rumors swirling that Katie Couric might be leaving the CBS Evening News	(46)
(Some Guy)	Former Audioslave/Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell says he has no reason to be in another band. In other news, Chris Cornell still has career	(43)
	Few Africans want to see a superskinny model. "They'd think she'd just come out of the village and she was malnourished"	(8)
	Bryan Adams won't be allowed to perform at Princess Diana memorial concert. Now, now, the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions	(23)
	Shocking proof that JJ Walker is reduced to doing ANYTHING for money	(45)
	Hot-air-balloon enthusiast makes Darth Vader helmet balloon. The dork is strong with this one (with pic)	(120)
	Paris Hilton seen canoodling with K-Fed in Vegas. We all can agree that it should stay in Vegas, too	(39)
	Sheryl Crow's backstage list: Monday: Maker's Mark. Tuesday: Bombay Gin. Wednesday: Courvosier. Nothing about toilet paper, though. The Smoking Gun is there	(218)
	Sheryl Crow's solution to global warming: Don't wipe your ass all the way clean, and wipe your face on your sleeve instead of using napkins. Wait til you hear her cure for cancer	(177)
(The Gauntlet)	And the winner of the most pathetic attempt to get in the news using a tragedy goes to (drum roll) Marilyn Manson	(76)
(Some Guy)	The cast and crew of "The Shield" were chased off a set in Los Angeles' gang district after failing to clear their filming plans with local street bosses	(60)
	MySpace celebrity profiles may be... FAKE? I'm shocked. Shocked I say	(77)
	Fergie's new name helped her beat drugs. Of course, if your name used to be Spoogeslurping Crackwhore, you'd probably want to change your name, too	(23)
(Some Guy)	Reports claiming that Yusef Islam refuses to talk to non-veiled women are being refu + + + CAT STEVENS-LIKE TYPING DETECTED + + +	(250)
	British sex symbol Jordan's reality TV show makes its U.S. debut, results in comparisons to "an Oompa Loompa with tits." The Sun is there, with a photoshop of Jordan as an Oompa Loompa with tits	(30)
	How does Jack Nicholson celebrate his 70th birthday? With 70 hot babes	(17)
	What is your favorite ad jingle?	(82)
	Tired of starring in crappy movies, Madonna to direct a crappy movie	(5)
	Kylie Minogue to star in latest "Dr Who" series. Now there's someone to exterminate	(18)