Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2007-04-01 23:59:59'

# of Comments

UK poll picks Top Ten sci-fi movies of all time. And the winner is..."Serenity?" (w/ pic of scowly George Lucas)

(5)

Rush Limbaugh makes fun of noted liberal spokesman John Travolta

Caption why Steven Colbert is so happy

(91)

(CareFair.com)

Liz Hurley Has the Bod According to Survey

Before Rod Roddy there was this guy, Johnny Olson, and his 1975 Price Is Right drunken audience warm-up speech

(8)

What kind of swag would you expect from "The Hills Have Eyes II"?

(13)

Michael Stipe promises to unveil new R.E.M. songs during concert run unless his demands are met

(22)

Lindsay Lohan receives a free NYC condominium, because the owner wants to make the new building seem "glamourous". Apparently spoiled whores stinking of Grey Goose and man-batter really do wonders for the property values

New "Aqua Teen" movie to premiere tonight (4/1) at 10 PM on Cartoon Network

(63)

Nicole Richie blames recent collapse on the set of "The Simple Life" on high altitude. And by "altitude" we mean "likelihood she hasn't seen a damn sammich in weeks"

(Moviehole.net)

Julianne Moore signs on to play Dana Scully in the upcoming X-Files sequel after Gillian Anderson bows out

(NY Daily News)

Jackie Onassis realized Michael Jackson should stay away from her teenage son John Kennedy Jr. after he saw him naked

Thousands of stoners out of bed 4 hours early, sitting at computers in underpants - yep, Glastonbury Festival tickets are on sale

Cameron Diaz has been using the 7-minute abs video (with pic)

(41)

Name a terrible movie that was made from a great book. Link goes to my pick. Urrrrrrrrk

(290)

(drowned in sound)

Paul Weller doesn't like Sting, calls him a "fecking twit" -e+u :: -i+a

(Vallejo Times Herald)

Gangsta rapper "Johnny Ca$h" now has at least one thing in common with the Man In Black

(58)

(Findadeath)

After hearing from the lawyers, celebrity death site cautiously marks the 12th anniversary of the martyrdom of a Dead Tejano Singer Whose Names Rhymes With Subpoena

Board game makers creating speedier versions of classic games to cater to shorter attention spans. Your childhood is enjoying its new meth addiction

Sat March 31, 2007:

# of Comments

(macon area online)

Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass "GO", do not collect 200 billion dollars. Do not say "That's hot". Do not flash your goods

(127)

(Glunp)

Britney Spears already out clubbing

(theeagle.com)

Obviously an alien from future, Sean Lennon can't get over being mistaken for Sir Paul's daughter

(Bloomberg)

WTO rules that the U.S. ban on internet gaming is illegal. I'll take the Lakers and the over, please

(39)

Christopher Walken's B-Day today. Submitter has a fever

What would your wrestling name be? Finishing move? Theme song?

(128)

Geeks of the world rejoice. Here's the trailer for Neil Gaiman's Stardust

(50)

(CollegeCandy.com)

The Real World sucks for Trishelle

(People Magazine)

Ellen DeGeneres selling $24 million estate. Still no word if the curtains match the drapes

(NY Daily News)

R&B star Usher to marry woman 10 years older, newly divorced and with three kids; so apparently online dating DOES work

(11)

(Glasgow Herald)

Artist who created Sgt. Pepper album cover 40 years ago complains about low pay for the job; also wants Carl Jung, Marilyn Monroe, Aleister Crowley to get the hell off his lawn

Pet Shop Boys were relaxed when meteors almost slammed into their plane; the Sun is there with snarky caption

(6)

Marie Osmond files for divorce, shocking everyone who thought she and Donny would be together forever

Hugh Hefner almost kicked John Lennon's ass for putting cigarette out on painting in Playboy mansion

Elvis no longer the King of Dead Celebrities

(134)

(TMZ.com)

MPAA suspends the rating process for Captivity, possibly postponing the film's release date. Captivity, the film that outraged the MPAA. Captivity, the film described as "torture porn". Captivity

Remember all those stories where Cletus would get anywhere from $25-$50 million divorcing Britney? Turns out he's only getting $1 million

Fri March 30, 2007:

# of Comments

A "followup" tag two years in the making: Scotty's remains are finally scheduled to be blasted into space. Unless there's a slight drizzle on the scheduled launch date or a mosquito gets too close to the shuttle or something

(53)

Jenna Jameson not happy with her cooter surgery

(90)

(People Magazine)

The Beckhams are having trouble finding a home in L.A. Every time they look at a house, the price goes way up

Forget about the Final Four: Everyone wants to know if Donald Trump or Vince McMahon is getting their head shaved

(52)

John Travolta, who owns five airplanes and just spent two months flying around the world, lectures on global warming

(72)

Courtney Love drops over 40 pounds with "careful dieting" -- AKA, went on a crack and booze binge for 20 straight days

(23)

Elizabeth Hurley felt "bizarre" for still dating at 36. Middle-aged women around the world collectively vomit

Will Ferrell has lost his voice yelling at a bear. Fare thee well, Will Ferrell. You shall always be friend of the bears

David Tennant of "Doctor Who" loves having farting competitions in the Tardis

Alec Baldwin personally tracks down the family of an 18-year-old soldier and offers to pay her college tuition

(274)

Rhythm-challenged fatass Chris Sligh claims he planned on quitting American Idol 2 weeks ago, but only wanted to stay on to make the Top Ten and go on the Idol summer tour

(39)

Nicole Richie is set to launch her own perfume, Vomité

(8)

Peaches Geldof writes guest column on Myspace for The Guardian. Comments below reveal that readers not impressed, don't like Mondays

(60)

(GeekMonthly)

'24' Fans: Here's Chloe, looking hot and in a whole new light. (totally safe for work)

Subtly erotic art growing in popularity, ready to explode like an eruption of shellac on a Georgia O'Keeffe canvas

Story of Jacksons illness about as real as his nose

(4)

The writer wrote. His letters were terse, manly. The girl's legs were long, shapely, inviting. Hemingway--Dietrich letters to be made public next week

(59)

Prosecutors ask judge to remove Paris Hilton's probation for drunk driving, possibly causing her to face jail time

In the latest example of murderous unrest in the middle east, Palestinians try to enter the Eurovision song contest

(5)

"LOST" actor takes prop home after working in new zombie movie and gives it to his 15-year-old son. "He was thrilled. Now he has a pair of zombie balls in his bedroom."

According to the ratings, all 8 viewers across America are upset that the Miss America pageant lost its TV contract

(4)

Chloe from 24, with guns, looking hot as hell

(63)

Slate continues to shock and awe as they bestow upon us this enigma: Why is Will Ferrell funny?

(43)

Thu March 29, 2007:

# of Comments

That's "Sir Bono" to you

(43)

Media gives you photos of celebs and wax replicas, dares you to try and tell the difference. Gotta admit though, that Paris Hilton one is tough

(CHUD)

Plethora of "Potter" pics. That Dolores Umbridge is just awful

"The movie is not going to be a prequel, sequel, or in any form be related to the previous two movies. Pretty much like 'Batman Begins,' it is going to restart the series with new concepts, stories, etc."

To make sure Spiderman 3 is total crap, producers are throwing in a fourth villain

(54)

Teletubbies to celebrate 10th anniversary of pushing the gay agenda

(95)

FOX BREAKING NEWS ALERT: Jacko hospitalized in Vegas for pneumonia. Sadly, it really is a Fox breaking news alert. C'mon CNN, you know you want to

(211)

(FMQB)

Mancow: "Opie & Anthony are failing miserably." Opie & Anthony: "Hey hypocrite, give back all the shock jock money you made." Drew: "Nutsack"

(314)

Halle Berry once contemplated suicide. So did submitter after watching "Catwoman"

Magazine wants Victoria Beckham to start wearing a bra because they're "sick of seeing her nipples."

(54)

Dolly Parton would prefer to sleep with a "hot young woman" than her husband

(Gitterati Gossip)

Uber-sexy Catherine Zeta-Jones may be dropping the geezer

(39)

John Travolta may be losing his hair

Nick Nolte is set to become a dad again -- at 66

(23)

(eCanadaNow)

Drew Barrymore reportedly had lesbian sex with magazine editor, Jane Pratt

(56)

(eCanadaNow)

Noel Gallagher wants to be the next British Prime Minister -- and has promised to bring back hanging if elected

(35)

(National Enquirer)

Kevin Federline pitching reality TV show about life as a single dad. Submitter was going to make a joke, but figured that alone was funny enough

(15)

Upcoming Slayer/Marilyn Manson tour makes Baby Jesus cry

(Egotastic!)

Jessica Biel in her underwear will turn gay guys straight

(13)

Dan Brown wins the latest round of legal battles against the authors accusing him of stealing from their book when he wrote the Da Vinci Code. It's almost as if he had friends in high places secretly affecting the outcome

Mr. Bean only laughs once very five years

7-Elevens may be converted into Kwik-E-Marts to promote The Simpsons Movie. No word on where they'll set up "Moe's Tavern" yet

(138)

Wed March 28, 2007:

# of Comments

"Hostel" director Eli Roth worries about pissing off Stephen King while adapting "The Cell" for big-screen. "He was mad at Stanley Kubrick, I don't want him mad at me"

(75)

(dgc360)

American Idol results show thread, No Doubt and 10 goes down to 9

(309)

Mike Myers to return from long acting sabbatical to play wacky Indian self-help guru named Pitka

Sylvester Stallone bites the bullet and hires a body double for his new Rambo movie

Elton John getting set to turn the entire island of Tobago gay, or at least the parts that don't know who they're attracted to yet

David Duchovny insists "X-Files 2" will be announced this week. He wants to believe

(43)

Anna Nicole Smith refused medical attention because she didn't want to be in the middle of a media frenzy

(People Magazine)

Former "Diffren't Strokes" star Todd Bridges wants to remind everyone that he's still alive. Abe Vigoda nods in approval

Joss Stone closes her eyes while performing to beat stage fright. Submitter closes his eyes and thinks of Joss Stone to beat off

Eddie Griffin's $1.5 million Ferrari crash? Yeah, probably just a marketing ploy

(190)

"I used to stare at (her) when she was down by the pool sunbathing naked. I was like 15 or 16 and I was sitting in my pool with a bottle of lotion"

(Hollywood Tuna)

Yikes! Courtney Love in a bikini

(80)

Cover for "Harry Potter and the Truckload of Money" released (pics)

(237)

Paris Hilton is reportedly infecting "Desperate Housewives" actor Josh Henderson

(7)

Donatella Versace's daughter is battling anorexia. Maybe she could bulk up if she ate some of the cake off Donatella's face

(32)

Kanye West's ego has gotten so big that his mother is releasing her memoirs in May. She'll probably flip out if it doesn't win the Pulitzer

Wynonna Judd requests divorce after she finds out that her estranged hubby was charged for having sex with a minor. Wynonna's estranged hubby demands divorce upon seeing current picture of Wynonna

And the Lord sayeth: "There is not enough suck in the world so I give you this": "Teen Wolf" is being remade (last item)

(24)

Paris Hilton has been accused of funding "unscrupulous" pet breeders after buying a dwarf cat; claims she bought it because she fondly remembers the old days when she used to have a small pussy

(42)

New "Doctor Who" companion reveals she's actually a secret Trekkie. Geek wars expected to erupt over battle between Tardis vs. Enterprise

(79)

Tue March 27, 2007:

# of Comments

(Some Old Headbanger)

ROCKLAHOMA: A huge gathering of hair metal bands, mullets. I am so there

(People)

James Blunt splits with supermodel Petra Nemcova, takes up with Drinky McBarfsalot

Take a look at these two new awesome Transformers movie posters. DO WANT

(51)

"These kids can't be real gangsters, so they act like guidos. They're so phony, with the steriod muscles and the gold chains and spikey hair, it's laughable." He left out the fake orange tan part, but you get the idea

(52)

(Daily Mail)

Angelina Jolie's brother speaks out about his sister's terrible, terrible life

(EarthTimes)

Rose McGowan wouldn't touch dirty stripper pole while filming "Grindhouse," despite greasing Marilyn Manson' nasty-ass pole years ago

(23)

WB movie executive says continued demand for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toys responsible for latest TMNT movie. Lack of ideas reportedly coincidental

"300" is breaking box-office records in Greece, of all places

(Daily India)

Kate Beckinsale says sex is key to her good marriage, talking about sex is key to her publicity

Posh Spice wears the pants in the Beckham family. After all, she and David both can wear a pair at the same time

Two remaining Bee Gees to be honored for more than just stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Fashion designer creates hairpiece for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan

(5)

Kumar to teach at Ivy League school. Students will be able to get extra credit by bringing White Castle and weed for the prof

Supergirl Returns

David Beckham goes out wearing the single stupidest hat ever to be placed on a brainless noggin (SFW)

(59)

MTV'd

(The Superficial)

Thora Birch's dad is the new frontrunner for Creepy Celeb Father of the Year by insisting on being present during the shooting of her sex scene

(46)

(Buddy TV)

"They DESTROYED my character and KILLED my plotline. And now they want me to come back? Well, not unless I get paid. It's an actor's right, I tell you. An actor's right"

♫ Little ditty ♫ about John Mellencamp ♫ suffers from panic attacks ♫ every now and again

Aaron Spelling's son Randy claims he took Paris Hilton's virginity. But we all know that can't be true because she was born a whore

Rowan Atkinson has injured his shoulder from after over-practicing a Nazi salute

(40)

Jeremy Piven has been banninated from Nobu restaurants after giving a waiter a DVD copy of his show "Entourage" for his tip. Waiter not regretful for serving him pee soup and spit-tini

(95)

Kirsten Dunst has moved to London for some emo British asshat

(51)

What keeps Jerry Falwell awake at night: A) running out of pork rinds? B) President Hillary Clinton? C) Tinky-winky and friends getting keys to the city from NY Mayor Bloomberg?

Jack Hanrahan, writer for Mad Magazine, Get Smart, & Laugh-In is now homeless & toothless on the streets of Cleveland; "I'm going to buy a Cadillac and go back to Hollywood-I want to get my teeth and my harmonica"

Proclaimers have number one single with charity re-release of (I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles

Bob Geldof's charity website gets haxxored by pron pirates

Mon March 26, 2007:

# of Comments

Life Magazine dead again

(11)

(E Online)

Series creator Ron Moore answers some questions about last night's frakkin' "Battlestar Galactica"

(133)

Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens) refused to speak with the female guides at a German event over the weekend because they weren't veiled... despite accepting an honor for building bridges between Eastern and Western cultures

(65)

Hilary Swank was hospitalised after a suspender clip struck her on the head

Bruce Willis makes out with Courtney Love, says he confused her with Mickey Blue Eyes' disturbing-looking sister

YouTube gives out its first Video Awards to a bunch of attention whores

(51)

A 50-foot robotic replica of Michael Jackson will be erected reportedly in the desert surrounding Las Vegas. I am not a gun

(71)

Scott Weiland's wife comes Unglued, calls hubby a Creep and makes a Spectacle outside their home. Still Remains in custody, but has No Memory of the incident

(zap2it)

Blonde Hollywood actress, 19, claims she had to spin around in circles to mimic being drunk for film role because she doesn't go to parties. Unlikely tag sprains itself

Scorsese, DiCaprio team up again

(49)

Britney Spears spends her first first post-rehab Saturday visiting a hair salon. Huh?

(FMQB)

Trent Reznor says being sober helped his creativity with latest Nine Inch Nails album. At least he still has sex and rock-n-roll to keep him going

(53)

Quentin Tarantino believes he was Shakespeare, a slave and a Japanese gentleman in his past lives

(48)

Britney Spears rushed to the hospital. EVERYBODY PAN -- oh wait, she went to the dentist

Marilyn Manson says it's a wonder that he's alive because during 2006 he went to "many dark places"

Gwyneth Paltrow thinks it is “inappropriate” for women to get drunk

(53)

Quentin Tarintino gets nailed by Bob Dylan after forgetting that the first rule of Fight Club is not to talk about Fight Club

"Blades of Glory" screened for theater full of figure skaters, who all loved the film. NASCAR fans won't understand the humor in this Will Ferrell movie, either

Elton John celebrates his 60th birthday with such guests as Yoko Ono, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Rod Stewart, Celine Dion and Bill Clinton. Where's a good air strike when you need one?

Anna Nicole Smith finally reaches target weight

Hollywood sees its future sucking in 3D

The British Home Office have granted a real passport to actor Daniel Craig under the name of his 007 character Bond. James Bond

(KTAR)

For those other than the four people watching the reality TV competition, the next Danny and Sandy have been chosen for the Broadway revival of "Grease"

Gary Glitter will get £200,000 from XM for ad campaign, says he feels like a kid again

CEO Bob Iger says Disney is considering releasing "Song of the South" despite its racist depiction of blacks. Iger, please

(55)

Marvel comic book characters will soon be on display in Middle East theme parks, as soon as Mary Jane Parker learns to shut her whore mouth while men are talking