Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2007-01-28 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Weep for humanity: Epic Movie takes in $19.2 million to top weekend box office

The new trailer for the upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie

(Savannah Morning News)

"Did Rap Music Destroy the Dream?" Martin Luther King, Jr., First Amendment booked to appear on Celebrity Deathmatch

Angelina Jolie's mother, Marcheline Bertrand, dies from cancer

Some pretty cool low riders and classic cars

(4)

Jenna Jameson to get own TV channel. Saturday mornings to feature CGI animated kids' show, "JennaTales"

(27)

Paul Simon claims there are 50 ways to leave your lover but only mentions 5. What are the other 45?

(137)

(modbee.com)

Rapper Young Buck arrested for failing to appear on an outstanding driving violation. 50 Cent to void his street cred

Some say farkers have no lives, and they might be right, but this guy wrote a 1579-word article on another guy's opinion on the disposition of the DC Comics Supergirl series

Immigration is eroding country music's fan base. Pretty much the best argument for immigration yet

(108)

The wonderfully nerdy future of hip-hop music

(39)

Ebay auction for every licensed NES game made... all 670 of them

(95)

Religious website provides this helpful list of bands that can make you gay. List includes Ted Nugent

(82)

Never trust a man in a blue trenchcoat, or an advertising exec: Tom Waits reaches settlement with Opel car company and ad agency that imitated his voice in an ad

Sat January 27, 2007:

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Tragedy strikes the Kennedy family yet again, as JFK Jr. has been romantically linked to Madonna

(Christian Today)

The Christian version of reality talent show 'American Idol' has announced a winner. The first place contestant can look forward to a not so lucrative career singing at Baptist churches around the country

(The New Republic)

Et tu, Toby?

(41)

YouTube founder confirms that uploaders will share in ad revenue. Your dog wants to know what exactly is his motivation for his next scene

(6)

Can you make Google laugh?

(151)

Ray Charles dies around same time as Reagan. James Brown dies around same time as Ford. Remaining ex-presidents eye each other nervously as blues legend BB King is hospitalized

(32)

Stephen Colbert wins hockey game bet. Canadian city must now declare a Stephen Colbert Day. Oshawa Generals suck

(31)

Hank Hill signs a contract extension with Strickland Propane through 2008, will be back for a 12th season

(41)

Monster Garage is biatch slapped by the man. California declares war against damn, dirty choppers

Stagehand killed on set of Samuel L. Jackson's new film. There wasn't a GOT-DAMN thing rescue workers could do about it

(Leo the Listmaker)

The Best TV Shows of the 1950s

By far the most insane American Idol contestant ever. Let this video serve as a warning to all who might meet this girl

(96)

Producers of British sci-fi series "Doctor Who" want Britney Spears to play an entire race of sex-crazed aliens. Should be a real stretch for her

(25)

"To be or not to be...ummm... That is the question..." British playwright says American actors are ruining British theatres. Especially David Schwimmer, Matt Damon and Madonna

Italy's high court to Lars: Shove this boot up your ass. Downloading music legal in Italy unless for profit

Fri January 26, 2007:

# of Comments

Fast food worker's group outraged at being associated with Kevin Federline

(62)

There are now Tokyo sex services that cater exclusively to the disabled community, much to the relief of Parkinson's patients tired of having to handle everything by themselves

(8)

Jabba puts a hit out on Jar-Jar. Boba Fet collects, Han Solo-style. Star Wars nerds everywhere rejoice

Punk band Sham 69 will henceforth be known as Sham 46 and Sham 23

Scott Baio lost virginity to corduroy sofa, thankful he never humped the shark

(17)

(Santa Cruz Sentinel)

Air America can't even succeed in Santa Cruz, California. Is it a plot by Karl Rove, the inherent crappiness of Air America, or do progressives just not listen to progressive radio?

(167)

Former Spice Girl Emma's got a Bunton in the oven

A few days after picking a fight with a Hobbit, emo rocker Jared Leto continues to go nuts (with horrible eyeliner pic)

(28)

(TMZ.com)

Mary-Kate Olsen isn't anorexic. Her rep says "The blonde hair she has now makes her look skinny" (with scary pic)

Thanks to Dakota Fanning's rape scene, the government now wants to review all movie scripts before filming starts. Step right up, asshats: Plenty of blame to go around

(398)

Keith Richards has taken a health conscious move...by switching to organic vodka

Disney's new ad campaign features celebrities playing fantasy characters: David Beckham as Prince Charming, Beyonce Knowles as Alice in Wonderland, Scarlett Johanssen as Cinderella, Tom Cruise as a straight man

(103)

10-year old director sues for creative control of Kevin Bacon movie. Huh??

(8)

(People Magazine)

Chad Lowe opens up about his recent divorce from Hillary Swank. He stays positive, noting that when one falls off a horse, it's best to saddle up and get back on as soon as possible

George Lopez feuding with Jay Leno, rips "Tonight Show" host for being two-faced. At least that explains the ginormous chin

Woman's Wii water wipeout due to Washington weenies' dewegulation, says Wired

(34)

How two islands solved a Father Ted-based fight: The All-Priests Five-a-Side Over-75s Indoor Challenge Football Match

I-Mockery's review of "No Holds Barred," the greatest wrestling movie of all time, featuring Hulk Hogan fighting a maniac named Zeus and making a limo driver literally crap his pants

(18)

(Reason)

The politics of zombie movies

(63)

After she had to have it removed, Lindsay Lohan kept her appendix preserved by putting it in a jar and freezing it. No word on if she'll eventually do the same with her liver

(I don't like you in that way)

Rachel Ray gets drunk, bad mouths Oprah and calls Brad Pitt a "pussy boy"

(59)

It's hard to imagine a less "rock 'n' roll" way to find a singer for your band than on "reality" TV show, but drummer Tommy Lee swears it worked for his latest project, Rock Star Supernova

(11)

Beyonce and Shakira to duet on a song, which would not be news, except that it is NOT about shaking their asses

Daniel Craig's Bond girl on Daniel Craig: He's the Bond girl, not me

(18)

The cast and crew of MST3K are doing fine, and want to know if you're done with that sandwich

(64)

(Blabbermouth)

Stryper lead singer to host reality show seeking new talent in Christian music. Brace yourselves for an onslaught of black-and-yellow clothing mixed with sappy music

(34)

Thu January 25, 2007:

(Martians Attacking Indianapolis)

# of Comments

Hillbilly accents are the latest trend in Japanese adult entertainment. This isn't that surprising, though, because when it comes to anything oral, the girl with no teeth always wins

(6)

"Superman IV: The Quest for Peace." The worst movie ever made?

(101)

(Some Man Boobs)

Can you guess why Ryan Reynolds is getting plastic surgery? If you said because he is having trouble breathing out of one of his nipples, you would be correct

Overzealous movie censor edits the word God entirely out of in-flight movie. Where is your now?

(172)

(Dose.ca)

Brad Pitt has man-envy for Leonardo DiCaprio, obviously forgets he's Angelina Jolie’s pelvic affiliate

Caught on Tape: See Nicole Kidman In Car Accident On Movie Set

(25)

Nicole Kidman injured in car crash. No word on whether Cruise control played any role in accident

(71)

Thirty thousand jobs in L.A. are attributed to reality TV shows. Thirty thousand soul-sucking, embarassing jobs

(75)

History of the Super Bowl Halftime Curse

(90)

Previous year's sure-fire gimmicks to get an Oscar nod have included actors playing retarded characters and pretty actresses made to look ugly. This year, it's putting child characters in danger

(97)

"The Haunted" frontman recalls she-male encounter and... you just have to read this

(33)

Apparently, films with both "good" Muslims and "bad" Muslims depict Islam negatively. All movie villains will now be white men between the ages of 18 and 49

(423)

(The Superficial)

Angelina Jolie spends $700 to take a shower. In related news, Angelina Jolie actually showers

Heather Graham and Bridget Moynahan share "passionate scenes" in a lesbian romantic comedy movie. Uh, I'll be in my bunk

Hollywood's newest catfight is between Jared Leto and Elijah Wood, because Frodo doesn't like "30 Seconds to Mars"

(36)

Sharon Stone officially ditches her sexy image. You know, that sexy image that everyone thought she ditched in 1987-- well, apparently, she still had it

IRS demands disclosure of celebrity gift bags. Submitter hopes they start with Scarlett Johansson

(11)

(FMQB)

FCC forms task force on media and childhood obesity, since it's obviously the fault of the media that kids are so fat. Parental responsibility will be right back after this commercial break

(119)

Jennifer Garner tells how she nearly lost her wedding ring in a deep dark hole. Suprisingly, she's not referring to her husbands career

(Reading Evening Post)

The eternal news editor's dilemma: Report on local girl Kate Winslet's Oscar nomination, or her mom winning the local pickling contest?

(Radar)

Embarrassing books celebrities wish we'd forget they'd written. Not a chance

Nancy Pelosi's daughter's documentary about Ted Haggard debuts tonight on HBO. She finished it before the scandal broke. Then things got weird

(372)

Signs the world is coming to an end: Runaway bride story to become rock opera

(57)

Brandy uninjured in fatal car crash. Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker and Bud Weiser seen fleeing the scene

(38)

"Grey's Anatomy" cast member goes to Gayhab

(39)

There are many ways to ensure your TV show is a hit: Hire great writers, find a unique concept, lead the viewer down intriguing, carefully crafted plotlines... or you could just throw in a racist and see what happens

(5)

Van Helsing's 19th century anti-vampire kit (photos)

(17)

(Some Farkshower)

Remember that hot French singer Alizee? Apparently she can sing in English as well

(80)

Shatner schools George Lucus on the importance of "Star Trek." That is, of course, until the dancing storm troopers show up

In need of psycho-surgery? "Grey's Anatomy" star Isiah Washington checks into "residential treatment center," for treatment due to a slur during shooting

(8)

(Blender mag)

Ask John Mellencamp anything

(47)

(TV Squad)

The first reviews of Fox News' version of "The Daily Show" are in, and guess what? It sucks

Fox subpoenas YouTube after "24" clips posted. They would have sent a cease and desist letter, but THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TIME

Anne Heche to divorce her husband of five years. No word on whether she'll be switching teams again

Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox will share a lesbian kiss on an episode of Cox's new show, "Dirt." Fortunately for kittens, this news comes 10 years too late to do them any harm

(31)

Wed January 24, 2007:

# of Comments

Tyra Banks, who has gained weight since her modeling days, says she was upset when photos showing her in a bathing suit were posted on the Internet, drawing criticism such as "Tyra's fat" and "Tyra's got sharp knees"

(dgc360)

"American Idol" auditions thread: Week 2, Part 2 (New York City)

(917)

If you ever wanted to know what Victoria Beckham's breasts feel like, now is your chance

(46)

(TechDirt)

Fox tries to hide Paula Abdul videos... causing them (of course) to get more attention

(169)

Dakota Fanning's rape scene in "Hounddog" at Sundance Film Festival causes stir. "Courageous challenging material" or just plain sick?

(199)

Diddy plans a huge Super Bowl party. Wanted a giant Ferrari cake, but someone in his entourage said, "Satan did it"

Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel no longer an item. Jeter moves on to farking Gabrielle Union

(40)

(Female First)

"In the height of passion, she would scream 'I'm a Nazi!' which was (his) cue to slap her"

(43)

Hollywood's Oscars community has woken up, kicked "Dreamgirls" out of bed

(46)

(eCanadaNow)

Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson may star in reality TV show called "Virgin Territory"

Nicolas Cage is the favorite to play Liberace in an upcoming movie musical. Voting enabled for best suggestion of hot gay-on-gay sequined co-stars

Indiana Jones dusts off long-forgotten collapsing remains of Sean Connery

(29)

Hugh Hefner says no airbrush on the planet could get Kelly Osbourne in Playboy

Actual headline: "Paris Hilton's private items on Internet." Well, that's one way to put it

Johnny's Depp's wife makes the Elephant Man look like Jessica Alba, with photo badness

(55)

(wwtdd)

DJs send their entertainment reporter to Sundance to find the drunkest person possible. Guess who the winner is? (With audio goodness)

First clear image shows new Green Goblin looking ready to hit the slopes

Two Alabama museums, over four hours apart by car, worry about their potentially conflicting Pompeii exhibits

(44)

Tue January 23, 2007:

# of Comments

New book claims Sigmund Freud "was a poor judge of character, socially awkward, anxious, obsessive, self-justifying, overly reliant on reasoning and shockingly unempathetic." Penis penis penis

(39)

(dgc360)

Official "American Idol" auditions thread: Week 2, Part 1 (Memphis)

(439)

NHL team owner claims fans ignored Teri Hatcher to take photo with him at Sundance Film Festival

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. We are presently over eastern Ohio, and if you look over to row 23 you'll see a pair of filmmakers just nominated for an Oscar"

(NY Daily News)

Model Naomi Campbell denies she's a witch. A crazy biatch with a mean right hook, yes, but not a witch

Despite (or because of) the Web, we watch more television than ever

(38)

One for the ages: Al Gore smiles, yes smiles, over Oscar nomination

(People Magazine)

Brad Pitt: "Strippers changed my life"

"American Idol" judges dismiss some Idol myths. Because their power is great enough that they've entered into our cultural mythos

Jennifer Garner: "There's nothing better than being a girl in the middle of a group of guys." O RLY?

(28)

(Dose.ca)

Simon Cowell apologizes to "crazy" Paula Abdul, then goes back to making orphans cry

K-Fed to star in Nationwide Insurance commercials: "Life comes at you fast." AKA, dumb blondes get smart sooner or later

Being scorned by Cyclops may have been the reason La Lohan entered rehab

(35)

Britney Spears is finally going places with her son. Unfortunately, one of those places is the Trashy lingerie shop in L.A.

Vince Vaughn is getting over his break-up from Jennifer Aniston by reportedly enjoying orgies in hotel rooms

Greatest actor in the world not named Abe Vigoda or Bea Arthur to turn 90 on Wednesday

Heidi Klum and Seal have naked family pictures displayed in their Los Angeles home

(18)

Locals object to MTV's "Maui Fever" because of the foobie-rich sexual content. In related news, MTV producers apparently discovered a race of all-white Hawaiians with raging hormones

(17)

Lily Tomlin will star in an hour-long comedy series for HBO, created by the producers of "Designing Women" and "Evening Shade." Wow... there's three references you haven't heard in the past 15 years

Tom Cruise named the "Christ" of Scientology. Which unfortunately doesn't mean he's going to be nailed to a stick any time soon

(46)

(Townhall)

Did "24" go too far with nuclear depiction? "Heroes" flees the scene, laughing

(50)

Dominique Swain supports PETA but eats meat and loves it rare. She even smuggled filet mignon into Moby's video shoot

(31)

Paris Hilton placed on 36-months probation; ordered to pay fines after pleading no contest to reckless driving. Probation may also be reduced once she learns to spell DUI

Paula Abdul swears she has never been drunk in her life, except for that time she dated Arsenio Hall

Just to underscore what a suck-ass year it was at the cinema, here are the 79th annual Academy Award nominations

(326)

Red Sox games at Fenway Park will soon host reality-dating show

(34)

Second Life, the No. 1 spot on the Internet for furry pr0n, has announced plans to open-source access to its backend

(Pop Sugar)

If you thought Courtney Love couldn't get any worse, you would be wrong (w/ scary pic)

(36)

(Washington Post)

Mandy Moore, spoiled multi-millionaire singer turned actress, suffering from depression at the tender age of 22

(91)

Mon January 22, 2007:

# of Comments

Glimpse at upcoming new "Futurama"

(53)

(Dose.ca)

From hot to not: A photo gallery of Britney Spears 1999-present (sfw)

Tom Arnold carries 9 bags of free stuff away from Sundance (with amusing pic)

(5)

"American Idol" is mean

(The Power of Bauer)

"24" discussion thread

(1034)

The hot Keri Russell with the long hair, not the ugly Keri Russell with the short lesbian cut is pregnant

"Spider-Man 4" moving ahead, despite unlikely participation of anyone associated with first three

(32)

Simon Cowell offers a half-assed meaningless apology after bashing the reputation of Seattle as a music town

(23)

Masturbation set to music on Broadway rubs some the wrong way

(89)

Cast for upcoming season of "Dancing With the Stars" announced. So that's what that guy from 90210 is doing now

(New York Times)

Hi-def porn could be 'too real' for some. Paris Hilton thankfully unavailable for comment

(191)

Justin Timberlake brings Alyssa Milano and Eva Longoria back to his hotel suite...and chooses to play basketball with them

Sharon Stone's breasts get nomination for worst screen couple in this year's Razzies

Fifteen years later, the director of Basic Instinct is still holding on to Sharon Stone’s panties after he convinced her not to wear them in the police interview scene. The Sun is there

Jack Bauer's "24" shoulder bag wildly popular among online shoppers. Submitter wants one, yells DROP THE PRICES, DROP THE PRICES

(56)

Justin Timberlake and Cletus hang out at Vegas club. Must have been comparing notes on Britney's hippo-yawn

Giselle Bundchen claims families not the fashion industry are the reason for anorexic runway models. Suprisingly the words coke, meth and heroin nowhere to found in the article

(5)

(people.com)

"I won't eat rat or live monkey brains. You have to draw the line somewhere." And THAT's where you draw it?

(eCanadaNow)

Mel Gibson says he's only 20 percent insane now

Keira "Twice" Knightley suing newspaper for implying she has an eating disorder, the big fat cow

Group named "Frum Tha Ground Up" offering scholarships for talented youngsters to pursue a degree

Angelina Jolie wants sexy dirty role(some pics NSFW)

International movie critics say that Oliver Stone's "World Trade Center" sucks the big one. Stone blames Bush

"Heroes" returns tonight with promise that entire storyline will be wrapped up by May. Writers of "Lost" still wondering what happened to Walt

(32)

American Beauty's Mena Suvari (remember her?) topless on the beach - with Not safe for work pics linked to story as well

Former Primal Scream frontman complains about loud music from nearby pub, as well as "noisy, drunk people" it attracts, who presumably walk all over his lawn

Film about beastiality debuts at Sundance. Your dog wants to be friends. Just. Friends. Got it?

(104)

(Blabbermouth)

Rage Against The Machine to reunite for Coachella

(75)

President of Fox says FCC rulings have had a "chilling" effect on networks. Presumably by preventing Fox developing the high-quality television shows that are its trademark

(9)

Canada is the cheapest place to buy an iPod. Difficutly: only plays Rush and Stompin Tom

(81)

Leonardo DiCaprio says being objectified as "cute meat" after success of "Titanic" made him want to quit acting. Band plays on, with world's smallest violin