Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2006-12-24 23:59:59'

# of Comments

For her last birthday, Elizabeth Hurley picked a new shotgun over designer jewelery

(6)

Judi Dench fears unemployment, public fears Judi Dench nude scene to avoid unemployment

(10)

(Some Insomniac)

Christopher Walken to play Ozzy Osbourne in a biopic about Motley Crue. How should I feel about this?

(19)

The ten best albums of 2006; and since this isn't The Onion, this is stuff you've actually heard of

(66)

Why "The Life of Brian" > "The Passion of the Christ"

(288)

K-Fed now begging record execs to sign him. Working out about how you'd expect, based on his staggering talent

(TMZ.com)

Oprah and Steadman now shackin' up, which probably won't sit well with her girlfriend

Sat December 23, 2006:

# of Comments

Ex-Miss Nevada USA apologizes for raunchy photos

(137)

(Some normal guy)

Nerd-opalooza: 200 Stormtooper-garb wearing dorks to march in Rose Parade. Bonus: Plenty of chaffing under all that plastic

(Orlando Sentinel)

'A Charlie Brown Christmas' would have been a total flop without its catchy soundtrack

(12)

Ewan McGregor loves getting naked for his female fans

(21)

(ksat)

Kid Rock heads to Iraq. Oh please...oh please...oh please

(32)

I am the Knight who says "Wooooooooo"

(88)

Paul Westerberg rams screwdriver through his hand, is now looking for a Replacement guitarist

Fri December 22, 2006:

# of Comments

The original Lionel Jefferson has moved on up to the deluxe apartment in the sky

(32)

Director Gus Van Sant arrested for DUI. With mugshot goodness

(72)

Apparently playwrights are also out of ideas: Desperately Seeking Susan being adapted for the stage

It just wouldn't feel like the Christmas season was upon us without a message from Moby, who amazingly sends this year's message without using the words 'vegan' or 'misogynist'

(23)

Nicole Richie's ex-boyfriend puts the word out that he needs to find a new celebu-skank quickly because his DJ rates have been dropping

Teens build fully-functional Lego record player, not iPod-compatible

Hilary Duff to become a Barbie Doll (more so)

(112)

Halle Berry's boobs to release debut album. The Sun is there (w/pic)

(27)

First pic of the Silver Surfer who is set to debut in the Fantastic Four sequel

(42)

Trailer for Tarantino/Rodriguez film "Grindhouse", submitter has mangasm

(59)

(Futon Critic)

Everyone's favorite darksided God warrior returns to Fox in January

The best movie beat-downs of all time

(277)

If you're Ozzy Osbourne's wife, how do you get him to check into rehab? Tell him there's a bar

(4)

Thu December 21, 2006:

# of Comments

(Defamer)

Former gay porn star battling his neighbor, a hippie folk music impressario, in normally quiet North Hollywood. Where are your Reality TV producers now?

(7)

Yarrrrrrrr, first pic of Keith Richards as Captain Jack Sparrow's old man

(27)

(E! News)

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all declassified

(6)

Scarlett Johansson angry that a crew member from her Vanity Fair photoshoot was more interested in his Blackberry than her naked body (pic borderline Not safe for work)

(27)

Jessica Simpson pulls out of Dolly Parton, tribute

(13)

(Billboard)

Black Sabbath plans world tour with Ronnie James Dio returning to the mic

(97)

Sluggish box office for "The Nativity" has Christian group pointing fingers at studio for not working more closely with church groups, afraid we'll now get more Jackass and Borat movies

(50)

Defamation suit against Leblanc dropped. How you doin'?

(4)

Diddy's a Daddy

(19)

(Kontraban)

Scarlet Johansson as a pussycat doll causes kittens everywhere to flee in terror (safe for work)

(59)

Final 'Harry Potter' title announced (with scary pic proving the lead character is auto-biographical)

(388)

Donald Trump versus Rosie O'Donnell is one feud you want both sides to lose as they plunge off a cliff in flaming bus full of their lawyers

(74)

Monica Lewinsky just got her master's degree from LSE. Give that girl a cigar

(45)

Strippers fire back at Lindsay Lohan

Paris Hilton has not had sex for 7 months. "Oral isn't sex," she says. "Neither is anal, gangbanging, mutual masturbation, etc., etc., etc."

(32)

A little wisdom from Danny DeVito: "It's good to start drinking early on Christmas morning."

Hicks to lead New Orleans parade

(Suicide Girls Geek News)

(egotastic.)

Paris Hilton goes to dear friend Britney for marriage advice. Kinda like asking Richard Simmons about how to pick up chicks

(21)

Lost star’s house burns down. Cause of fire to be revealed in three series time, will leave more questions than answers

(17)

Same suck, different singer

(54)

Wil presents sci-fi guilty pleasures from the 70s. Suck it, nerds

(49)

"They Live" superstar and all around cool guy Rowdy Roddy Piper battling non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Good luck hotrod

(39)

(Premiere)

Premiere Magazine picks the 20 most overrated films of all time

(137)

(Femalefirst.com)

Martha Stewart stopped dating Anthony Hopkins because she was afraid he'd eat her brain

♫Simmm-pleee, haaa-vinggg/A wonderful Christmastime/Simmm-pleee, haaa-vinggg/A wonderful Christmastime♫ (haha, now it's in your head too)

(44)

(Billboard)

Former Procol Harum keyboardist wins copyright lawsuit opening the door for other musicians who played on peoples songs to claim co-authorship

Movies imagine bleak future for humanity. Ric Romero is Soylent Green

(17)

In an effort to completely confirm that The Onion AV Club's movie people work under the "yes, we agree the music people suck" theory, here's The Onion AV Club's mostly-movies-you've-actually-heard-of Best Movies of 2006

Wed December 20, 2006:

# of Comments

"Basic Instinct" producer Joe Eszterhas has advice for screenwriters: Steal as much as possible

(Xinhuanet)

Matt Damon says it was weird having to bang Brad Pitt's girlfriend during movie shoot

(People Magazine)

Britney packs up the kinfolks and moves to Beverly... Hills that is. Movie stars. Swimming pools

(10)

Sharon Stone denies dating Christian Slater, although she did pick up an ice pick this week and is planning on rabbit for dinner

(29)

Michael Jackson wants $50 million for Neverland Ranch. Main house features four bedrooms, five baths, one secret sex room, basement "Jesus Juice" bar and central air

(dlisted)

Britney's boyfriend decides to rob the cradle with the cheerleader chick from "Heroes." Who's the hero now?

(58)

Vote for the Naked Mile's hottest girl. Sponsored link

(113)

Lara Flynn Boyle gets married. The only thing thinner than the bride was the veil

-kype found- -est -line TV -rvice

(20)

(idlyitw)

Q: What does Angelina and Brad's house have in common with the University of Michigan? A: Admissions quotas based on race

(24)

Ice T's wife, Nicole "Coco" Austin, shows off her new implants. Difficulty: Her new butt implants

(7)

Reuben Studdard loses 100 pounds, wants fat people in Alabama to lose 10 pounds apiece. Hey, anyone remember Reuben Studdard?

(19)

The Fonz and Bobby Ewing so hard up for acting gigs, they're taking directions from British schoolkids

Stallone says latest Rocky film is a Christian allegory -- you know, like the famous story of Jesus pummeling Pharisees to death in the Coliseum

(105)

CNN will retire Larry King's suspenders when he retires. Considering that Ryan Seacrest was a possible replacement, it's better this way

(5)

"Grey's Anatomy" cast tops Entertainment Weekly's list of the year's top entertainers because of their "cultural impact." Crying doctors everywhere approve

(48)

Alyssa Milano turns 34 today. Submitter thought of a humorous headline, but there's nothing funny about a mountain of dead kittens

Eminem divorces wife for second time. Who didn't see this coming?

Hillary Duff drops request for restraining order, also drops numerous degrees of hotness (with pic)

(40)

Tue December 19, 2006:

# of Comments

L.A. morning show radio host doesn't like anyone messing with his kids, crashes another morning show and gets into an on-air screamfest with host. (Video clip from KTLA news)

(74)

(Philip J. Fry)

Ted Danson show you never heard of cancelled. No, not that one, the other one. No, not that one either

(29)

(zap2it)

AMC wants to remake the classic series "The Prisoner". We may not know who No. 1 is but this idea sure smells like No. 2

(33)

Tawny Kitaen, circa 1984: smoking hot. Tawny Kitaen Finley, circa 2006: smoking crack

(The Superficial)

Tori Spelling accompanies her husband back from bank where he deposited his balls in a safety deposit box for the duration of the marriage (pics)

(People Magazine)

Star Jones admits that she earned diva image, and hopes to learn from her bad behaviour. Why is she speaking out now? Just so happens, coincidence ya' know, that she has a new radio show launching this week

(NewsNet5)

Sandusky's homeless say, "Thanks for the soup" as Cedar Point's coasters shake down park visitors for $7,500 in 2006

(76)

(myfoxny.com)

New Guns N'Roses album to hit stores March 6th the 10th anniversary of the band becoming irrelevant

(42)

Further pointing out what a disaster the franchise has become, even fewer people watched finale of 'Survivor: The Cook Islands' than did the average episode of Arrested Development

"King of the Hill" returns for it's 11th season in January. Finally something will make "The Simpsons" seem funny again

(90)

Sharon Osbourne amuses herself by acting like a bathroom attendant at a fancy restaurant

Trump comes to his senses, realizes that a coke snortin', hard drinkin', lesbian lovin' Miss USA is EXACTLY what this country needs right now

(193)

(belfast telegraph)

James Cameron to direct first feature film since his record-breaking hit "Aquaman"

"Bachelor Party" actress Tawny Kitaen Finley tries to revive her career with trendy, court-ordered rehab stay

Separated at birth: Christina Aguilera's husband and that creepy neighbor from "The 'Burbs" (with nice comparison pic)

(31)

Gwen Stefani takes her huge sunglasses and mohawked kid for a walk. With pics and video

(29)

Britney Spears figures out that, if she's going to show her who-ha in public, she may as well go on stage and get paid for it

(31)

In memory of Joseph Barbera, the greatest cartoon he ever did: Tom & Jerry in "Is You Is or Is You Ain't?"

(45)

Immigration officials issue warrant to detain Yoko Ono's driver, presumably for violation No. 9... No. 9... No. 9... No. 9...

(10)

Rosie O'Donnell will not be replacing Bob Barker on "The Price Is Right"

(44)

(TMZ.com)

When Clay Aiken appears to be having problems performing, let him press up against a stool and he'll do much better

Angelina Jolie says intense background checks and qualifications make adoptive parents more fit than biological parents, and doesn't even mention Britney and K-Fed to make her point

(243)

It's a sad world we live in when Bruce Springsteen goes apeshiat over hugging Nick Lachey just so he can make his daughter happy

(31)

Women who don bikinis in exchange for free drinks at Aussie nightclub are demeaning themselves. Nightclub name and address in link. Be there

Matt Damon has branded his love scenes with Angelina Jolie as "weird," and not as natural at all as he feels when he's with Ben Affleck

(12)

Star of British "The Office" admits, "I'm not as funny as Borat." He is funnier than all the American members of "The Office" cast put together, however little that amounts to

(53)

Mon December 18, 2006:

# of Comments

Joseph Barbera dies. Funeral procession to pass same three buildings every two seconds

(226)

Show me a pink slip

Jeremy Irons caught with another woman tells photog, “What you do is detrimental to peoples’ lives.” Unlike cheating on your wife

(TMZ)

Matt Lauer: I haven't googled "panty-free Britney"

(24)

(The Rad Report)

Happy Birthday Keith Richards. He would have been 63 today

All 20 fans of ABC's "Day Break" wake up and pretend it never happened

(41)

Rocky, Bullwinkle, Boris, Natasha and Dudley mourn passing of their creator. Mr. Peabody wants steak

Tom Cruise casts Victoria Beckham as herself in his new Scientology film, which he's bankrolling himself since everyone in Hollywood laughed at him when he tried to get it financed

(50)

Eva Mendes says filming "Ghost Rider" with Nicolas Cage gave her nightmares, which basically translates to "Boy, is this movie gonna suck"

(35)

Paparazzi sues celeb blogger. No matter who loses, we all win

(TV shows on DVD)

WKRP coming to DVD in April 07

(69)

Some of the best claims ever made on expense reports. As good as the yak, sword wound and voodoo consulant are, nothing beats the guy who managed to get a receipt from his robbers

(87)

(Broadcasting and Cable)

Keith Olbermann wants to be paid a salary more befitting the single greatest hero in the Orion arm of the Milky Way galaxy, which translates to more than $4 million a year

(45)

Lindsay Lohan having trouble figuring out how to use a stripper's pole for new film, hard as that is to believe

Thirty years later, Scottish glam-punk group has hit single -- but where is Iron Virgin now?

Sienna Miller got herself into shape for "Factory Girl" by drinking vodka

(20)

Learn from Ben Stiller: If you drop acid for the first time and you're having a bad trip, don't call your parents to talk you down