Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2006-12-17 23:59:59'

# of Comments

(Newsarama.com)

Archie, Betty, Veronica, et al, getting a more realistic makeover. The girls now look like a young Britney Spears and Christy Canyon

(The Daily Sun)

Retirement community presents “The Michael Bolton Tribute on Ice,” celebrates entire catalogue of no-talent assclown

(10)

Official Survivor finale discussion thread

(144)

Brawny, brooding blacksmith Duncan Larksthrush troublingly ponders "how did I end up on the cover of this romance novel?"

"Mick does actually organise every little detail of the tour, while Ronnie and Keith just have to decide whether they're going to get drunk or not. That's the big decision of the day."

World's oldest punk rocker heads off to that great lawn in the sky

(8)

(DesiNews)

Paris Hilton's celibacy pledge going strong at 7 months...but she does like putting some throbbing CCs between her legs [w/pic]

(17)

(eCanadaNow)

Big fat disgusting tub of lard Jessica Alba wishes she were thinner

(142)

Liverpool underworld threatens to break Heather McCartney's knee over her embarassing Paul McCartney in ongoing divorce proceedings

New U2 music video comprised entirely of classic footage of musical legends. Extra points for starting with Frank Zappa

(70)

New book claims Muhammad Ali invented rap. Deborah Harry calls her lawyer

(36)

The trailer for 'Live Free or Die Hard'

(55)

Coffee Stout, so you can Fark drunk for longer periods of time than ever

The Minogue Sisters are back. Fap fap fap fap

(22)

(CinemaBlend)

Ewan McGregor owes his marriage to having his penis painted daily by a "little Japanese woman"

Sat December 16, 2006:

# of Comments

Movie poster for worst idea for live-action adaptation of a cartoon since "Garfield." Even worse, this one stars James Belushi

(46)

For just $120 per person, you can ring in the New Year in Chicago with Tara Reid. Don't all click at once or you'll crash the server

(32)

Miss USA loses her title

(32)

(TV Squad)

Thanks to Bart Simpson, Peter Griffin, and Dr. Gregory House, the PTC has named Fox as the most "anti-religious" network on air

(427)

Trying to prove that he's a great dad, K-Fed takes his children to Disney Land

(73)

Finally, a wise, impartial voice on the situation in Iraq from whom we can all learn. Thank you, Matt Damon

(54)

Take the "Rocky" trivia contest. Tough questions, but they forgot to ask who did Stallone's latest plastic surgery on his 60 year old mug

(20)

Lazy casting agents ask auditioning actors to post tapes on YouTube, then gauge reactions

(7)

Rupert Murdoch fires the publisher that got him all excited about OJ Simpson's book

(Are there any ugly cylons?)

Sylvester Stallone and his mom: separated at birth?

(26)

(Radar Online)

The ten most dangerous toys of all time. And before you complain that the list is worthless without lawn darts, number one is lawn darts

(58)

Battlestar Galactica is moving to Sunday nights

(48)

The 10 greatest martial arts movies of all time

(229)

"Why Borat should win an Oscar." Well, just for the acceptance speech alone, but there are other reasons

(182)

Fri December 15, 2006:

# of Comments

Spaceballs: More quotes to memorize

NBC buys hornymanatee.com

(Egotastic)

If you asked Santa to get you pics of a topless Amy Poehler smoking while wearing an "Arrested Development" hat, click here and shoot your eye out, maybe. Not safe for work

"Xena" actress Lucy Lawless launches singing career. Doomsday Clock moved up to 11:57

Kenny Rogers reflects on luck in his career, because face it, it's pretty much all been luck since First Edition

(13)

Mel Gibson to critics: "Get over it, you filthy Heebs"

(24)

Isaac "Chef" Hayes states he left "South Park" because he needed to move on, and Super Adventure Club had nothing to do with it

(30)

Eragon, it sucks more ass than tranny on PCP

(61)

Coming soon to Broadway: a stage version of a movie with rollerskates, Olivia Newton-John, and Zeus, released before most of you were born

(37)

George Michael to tour the US in '07. Rumor has it he likes our truck stops better

Paris Hilton spotted with Elisha Cuthbert. The forecast calls for a 77% chance of cooter

(Radio & Records)

Average time spent listening to regular radio has dropped 12 percent this year. Well be right back with the reasons after this fifteen minute commercial break

(60)

This may be the last season you hear "doink doink" on Law & Order: SVU

K-Fed is fast becoming the white Mike Tyson

Open letter from Axl Rose to his fan explaining why Chinese Democracy cannot yet be achieved

(39)

Musical based on the music of Queen to be "Candianized." Updated songs to include "Bohemian Rhapsodeh" and "We Will Rock You, Eh?"

(23)

Sharpies are cool and all but they really should have warning label (pic)

(27)

(Movie News)

The Killers will record the theme music for the next James Bond movie. Fanboys can console themselves that at least it wasn't Duran Duran again

Stephen Colbert was about to give President Bush a "Certificate of Presidency" at correspondent's dinner, until he decided the Decider might not appreciate it. Like he wasn't appreciating the rest of the evening

(46)

Actor James Purefoy claims "anyone who went to an English [private] school in the 1970s will have had some kind of a gay experience"; apparently oral exams are different there than in America

Rebecca Romijn is planning to finally wed the fat kid from "Stand By Me." Farkers sigh and resign themselves to placing bets on how long this one will last

(36)

Third Stargate series in the works. Episodes will feature actors being teleported to alternate universes where people still give a shiat about watching Stargate

(38)

Thu December 14, 2006:

# of Comments

Not news: Fashion designer starts promoting womens' spring collection. News: Ad campaign features petite blonde A-list Hollywood starlet. Creepy: It's 12-year-old Dakota Fanning

(27)

Georgia Board of Education quitsbiatching about Quiddiching

(176)

(gawker)

Star Jones and her .5 oz capacity stomach intend to "entertain and inform" you in 2007

Britney's handlers to Britney: "Forget Paris." With stunning lazy-eye pic

(33)

What the hell is wrong with Naomi Campbell's neck? (with weird pic)

(35)

(gawker)

A statistical analysis of press mentions of Britney B.C (before cooterflash) and A.D. (after display)

If you write an article critical of writer Michael Crichton's views of global warming, you might just end up as a character in his next novel. As a child rapist

(145)

(Metro)

Upcoming BBC shows to include 'Teens Addicted To Porn', 'Me And My Man Breasts', 'Lucy: Teenage And Transsexual', 'My Big Breasts And I' and 'Fark Off I'm A Hairy Woman'

(Celebslam)

Paris Hilton is a bad tipper

Pam Anderson says Kid Rock is a liar, but story about him getting furious about "Borat" appearance absolutely true (w/ audio)

(8)

Critics say tonight's "Office" episode is the best one, although there is no Benihana's in Scranton

(53)

(Holy Bat Borscht)

DC comics to sue Russian intelligence agency over bat logo?

(83)

David X. Cohen talks about the upcoming season of Futurama which will feature Nudar, the evil alien nudist and Al Gore - hopefully not in the same episode

Mariah Carey likes to wear a Santa Claus bikini in a hot tub, then she rolls around naked in the snow. Submitter glad that his grandma doesn't know about this Christmas tradition

(17)

Miss USA possibly to be dethroned for being deflowered, debauched

(46)

Larry the Cable Guy will star in a new animated Comedy Central show. He'll play a... wait for it... a cable guy. Git 'R Done

(48)

2006 highs and lows in gaming

Complete list of the Golden Globe nominations announced today. Caution: May cause drowsiness

(127)

Gordon f*cking Ramsay's c*nt wife plans to prove she's not f*cking sh*te on TV

(Indyweek)

Interview with Mark Mothersbaugh from Devo. Or if you have kids, the guy who does the music for "Rugrats"

(Dayton Daily News)

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" is arguably the best Christmas special of all time. Here are the worst

(44)

Celebrity biographer Kitty Kelley to write Oprah biography. Projected size of book keeps fluctuating, though

(4)

Paris Hilton spotted with white substance in her nose. Representative denies it's cocaine or creme hombre, says it was likely sugar or whipped cream from dessert. Riiiiiiiiiiiight

Naomi Campbell and Mike Tyson rumored to be hooking up

(33)

(Some Girl)

Ebay, the site that let a woman sell her virginity, grows a conscience over Princess Diana tickets

(87)

Oliver Stone makes joke about The Suffolkator at British Comedy Awards, gets the usual reaction to his material: Loud booing

(66)

Anti-Christmas forces trying to get Christmas carols classified as a source of pollution

(36)

That exclusive Scorsese interview in the L.A. Times yesterday was pretty good. OK, so the quotes were two years old. And were for his previous movie, not his current one. And they pretended we wouldn't notice. But it was still pretty good

Bob Dylan warza gurmuck "Factory Girl" inzar vasmun Edie Sedgwick, hissoe marby suicide; barvo zizrop lawyers

Yoko Ono’s chauffeur busted for blackmailing her. Scary tag trumps Dumbass and Hero tags, due to possible existence of naked pictures

(41)

Fergie may join "Dancing With the Stars." No, not the butterface, the fat one

(12)

Little ditty 'bout jacked-up Diane: Shelley Long checks back into hospital for depression. Hard to believe, what with her career going so well

The Jennifer Aniston rejectionfest continues: Her wish to guest star on "24" gets turned down. Show's fans denied chance to see her eaten by cougar or subjected to the torture kit

Beyonce has implants... bad ones at that

Wed December 13, 2006:

# of Comments

Five things that killed Princess Diana. Getting into a car with a drunk driver is strangely absent

(68)

Actor Danny Glover charged for trespassing at Niagara hotel. Niagara, please

Jessica Simpson reiterates that she is absolutely, positively, 100-percent not dating John Mayer by asking him to sing a duet with her

In an effort to completely confirm that The Onion AV Club works under the "if more than five people have heard of it, it sucks" theory, here's The Onion AV Club's Best Music of 2006

(131)

(Hollywood Reporter)

Top 10 Canadian movies named. You won't recognize any of the 10, or the two that "got snubbed"

(Wikipedia)

Great Scott. Insanely detailed "Back to the Future" timeline(s) on Wikipedia, perfect for impressing chicks at the Under the Sea dance

(37)

Models claim Bill Cosby put something in the Jello before giving them his pudding pop

(13)

"Gilmore Girls" creator gets a new show on Fox titled "Cute Girls Who Talk Real Fast"

Best. Bling. Evar

(14)

Tammy Faye Bakker's son is now "one punk under God." With lip-ring and prayer-fingers goodness

(247)

(Dose.ca)

Breaking news from the special bus: Reality TV is edited

(18)

(National Enquirer)

Less vocal Dixie Chicks tire of Natalie Maines' non-stop crap, split up the group

(114)

(Celebslam)

Jessica Simpson keeps forgetting the lines for her new movie "Blonde Ambition." Ironic tag not even close

(23)

Peter Boyle, who played the father on "Everyone Loves Raymond" and the monster in "Young Frankenstein" is now "Puttin' on the Ritz" in heaven

(339)

Nickelodeon greenlights animated show starring Amy Poehler. Poehler's character expected to be somehow insanely hot, despite having crazy eyes, evil eyebrows and Keebler elf smile

(42)

Rachel Ray's husband may be snacking between meals, if you know what I mean

Lindsay Lohan blames her partying from working "every single day" and "too much free time"

(139)

In brightest day, in blackest night, Green Lantern's creator... dead, alright

(22)

Angelina Jolie wants to have a private meeting with Jennifer Aniston. What could possibly go right?

(102)

Posh Spice thinks that the British public sees her as a "miserable-looking cow." British public says they can barely see her at all

For $20,000, Kevin Federline will grace your holiday party with his presence. For $4,000, you get William Hung and two songs. Hmmm, decisions, decisions...

(34)

"Dragonlance" the movie has D&D and LOTR fans crying over pen-and-ink shenanagins

(41)

(Some Bruce Campbell Fan)

Not news: Kellie Pickler to give free concert. Fark.com: At a mall

(19)

I-Mockery looks at the holiday phenomenon of buying up large quantities of hard-to-find popular items and scalping them for outrageous prices (some language NSFW)

(91)

"Futurama" returns in 2008

(67)

Daniel Craig beats out Jude Law, Clive Owen, Johnny Depp and even George Clooney to win the title of "World's Sexiest Man," according to a poll that apparently surveyed people with absolutely no taste

(31)

Bruce Campbell is directing a movie about Bruce Campbell being mistaken for a movie character once played by Bruce Campbell

(38)

Tue December 12, 2006:

# of Comments

Howard Stern to interview Martha Stewart on Thursday. Finally we can discover which vibrator matches those curtains

Sienna Miller: "I said... monogamy is overrated and that Pittsburgh is Sh*tsburgh... The monogamy thing was taken out of context"

(113)

(KNBC)

In case you didn't hear, Tori Spelling had a yardsale over the weekend. Despite having up to 10 news helicopters hovering overhead, only 300 people showed up browse her junk

(20)

(Some Girl)

Angelina Jolie talks about her first run in with Jennifer Aniston after hooking up with Brad. Said it went "fine". Failed to mention the part where she dropped Jen to the floor and sucked her blood

DC Comics to release 1:4 "museum-quality" limited edition statue of Batman. Quality of museums featuring Batman statues uncertain

(6)

UK Princes reveal plans for Diana tribute concert (with pic of William looking an awful lot like Mr. Potato Head)

(14)

Kirstie Alley gets fed up over mockery of her religion Scientology, then starts rambling something about a boat

(62)

CNN (owned by Time Warner) headline story about 'blood diamonds' has nothing to do with the new movie "Blood Diamond" (produced by Warner Bros. Pictures) and is most definitely not just a shameless self promotion story

(90)

(Dose.ca)

You've always suspected it, but now he's confirmed it: Franz Ferdinand's singer likes eating testicles

(7)

(Some Girl)

Tori Spelling is expecting a boy His middle name will be Aaron, after her late father. No one told Tori you don't get extra money for that

(Egotastic)

On Thursday, Jessica Biel will be announcing this year's nominees for the top Golden Globes. You will be watching, because eventually, she'll have to turn around and walk away from the podium

(28)

Script review for "Rambo 4." In this one, Rambo shoots people with weapons

(9)

Evel Knievel claims Kanye West ripped off his look in the 'Touch The Sky' video. The Smoking Gun is there

(146)

(TV Squad)

That Jay Leno-looking guy from American Idol has turned into a gigantic douche since winning on the show

(31)

Lindsay Lohan tells reporters she hasn't had a drink in a week, flashes vagina and then leaves

(34)

Danny Devito wasn't drunk. He was just joking He's also really 6'4" and been using camera tricks

(84)

After living in Spain for three years, the best phrases Posh Spice can say in Spanish are 'bugger off' and 'Where's the Gucci?'

(TMZ.com)

Since it won't fit anymore, it looks like Kirstie Alley is going to have to regift that bikini she wore on Oprah. (with pic)

(31)

Rolling Stone releases its pick of the best of 2006. Not surprisingly, the mossbacks who run it picked Bob Dylan's album as the best of the year. You can argue about the rest in the link to the right

(TMZ)

Security camera catches Nicole Richie's recent arrest. (She is the skinny one in the video)

(90)

(iAfrica)

Angelina Jolie announces plans to acquire even more children, live in a gigantic shoe

(18)

Britney Spears hosting New Years Eve party in Vegas. Child protective services already alerted

(9)

Sexiest man of the year edition flawed as bendy Jim Carrey didn’t even get an honorable mention

(7)

(A Socialite's Life)

Lindsay Lohan is worried about her mom's partying. Don't any of these people have jobs to go to?

(6)

What's the difference between flirting and cheating? It's kinda like the difference between is and is

(39)

People are still living in George Lucas' Star Wars set in Tunisia. May the Force be with you

(101)

Ever wonder where the Richard Gere and the gerbil story came from? (halfway down the page)

(80)

George Clooney claims he's too old to score with chicks

The world's oldest person may have died, but Japan's oldest male porn star shows no signs of petering out at 88

(12)

(Bloomberg)

Madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober and painting something that will eventually sell for $1.2 million, and you will still be ugly

(10)

(The Superficial)

Britney Spears' new boyfriend. Difficulty: Even more of a tool than Kevin Federline

(64)

Porn star Jenna Jameson separates from porn star husband; legal battle expected over custody of the SUVs, STDs

(26)

Mon December 11, 2006:

# of Comments

(Hollyweirdos.Com)

Halle Berry set to release album, taking a break from her award winning performance in X3

(4)