Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2006-12-03 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Larry King's mugshot when he was arrested and booked on charges of grand larceny in 1971. That was a lot of wives and heart attacks ago

(13)

Robert Downey, Jr. offers to help Keith Urban when he gets out of rehab. This would be similar to Charles Oakley helping Latrell Sprewell with anger management issues

(13)

(IOL)

Daniel Craig wants a gay love scene in the next Bond movie. And he's willing to do full frontal nudity for it

(551)

The mystery of the three seashells, revealed

(62)

Best redneck horror films

(25)

This is not the Cylon you're looking for

Biopic about Dylan Thomas to feature a three way with Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightly. Hollywood finally gets an idea

(14)

In case you thought the BritneyParisLindsay train wreck couldn't get any worse, the three appear to be working together on a remake of The Witches of Eastwick

(29)

Courtney Love wants to move to England, maybe because they're nicer and always say 'ello, love"; 250 million Americans offer to drive her to airport

(18)

Sat December 02, 2006:

# of Comments

(The Shreveport Times)

According to The Shreveport Times, James Bond would beat Superman in a fight. Submitter's money is on Superman

(69)

Celebrity Big Brother trying to get Stephen Hawking for their house next season, along with Adam Ant and David Hasselhoff

(10)

Gwyneth Paltrow: "The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans"

(85)

Sheryl Crow is still nut over Lance Armstrong

(Some Paris Peer)

Paris Hilton, this generation's leading example of moral integrity, bows out of the Billboard Awards because the jokes written for her "ridiculed some of her peers". Paris thinks it's not funny to ridcule people who pee

First look at new Fantasticar. Where does The Thing sit?

(Blabbermouth)

Hit Parader Magazine's list of heavy metal's all-time top 100 vocalists. Kurt Cobain is 23 spots ahead of Ian Gillan, so it might as well be a Rolling Stone Magazine list

(87)

"There is simply nothing to be learned from reality TV at all"

(49)

(Gateworld.net)

Good news for the scifi geeks: Stargate Atlantis action figures coming soon - bad writing and acting sold seperately

(Soundslam)

50 Cent, universally panned in both his movies, diffuses Samuel Jackson's criticism with the "Jamie Foxx Theory"

Top 10 favorite controversial religious movies

(75)

(The Shelf)

A guide to some classic Christmas movies

Successful and not-too-attractive African-American Oprah Winfrey was outed by her special friend Gayle -- for using the N-word in conversation even though she hates the word in public

Justin Timberlake to bring "Sexy Back" to SNL

(Some Drunk Guy)

A Mitch Hedberg montage video. Eleven minutes of funny

(42)

Fri December 01, 2006:

# of Comments

Seventy things you didn't know about James Bond

(94)

Michael Richards to meet with offended clubgoers, perform free Rex Kramer / Danger Seeker skit for them

Hollywood officially incapable of leaving classic films alone

Erik Estrada is going to be a better reserve Muncie police officer than is LaToya Jackson. Well duh

(50)

"Like a peacock preening its feathers to attract a mate, by flashing her privates, Spears may be trying to lure a new man"

(62)

Will Smith refuses to drink Tom Cruise's Kool-Aid. "I was raised in a Baptist household and my grandmother would get up out of her casket (if I became a Scientologist)"

(48)

"The Nativity Story" lacks drama, intensity -- doesn't show God inpregnating the underage Mary against her will

(56)

(Some Bard)

Fark's favorite celebrity chef Alton Brown will be performing Shakespeare at the New American Shakespeare Theatre in Atlanta this February

Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake will never get married, although Diaz loves to catch bouquets and Timberland likes to catch

(13)

(Some Investor)

From the "It was only a matter of time" department: "Enron, the Musical"

(4)

From the creators of "Date Movie" comes "Scenes From Recent Movies With Poop Jokes and Blow-to-the-Crotch Jokes Added Movie"

(34)

An analysis of how Fox managed to turn "The OC" from the hottest show on TV to 96th in just three years

Beatles and the Rolling Stones have been around so long, their songs are about to enter public domain as 50-year British copyright expires. So they are shaking wrinkled fists at government to extend it, get those damn kids off their lawn

A guy named Roger Friedman doesn't like Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto." Imagine that

Nicole Kidman denies pregnancy, weight gain, weight loss

Following the televised fap-o-thon, reality TV plumbs new depths by filming the deflowering of a real 40-year-old virgin

(29)

Holy Imelda Marcos, Batman -- Lindsay Lohan owns 5,000 pair of shoes. "I do love fashion." Fashion, obviously, does not include panties

That girl "Lindsay L" from the AA meetings having trouble getting her one-day chip

(30)

Thu November 30, 2006:

# of Comments

Gray-haired Idol crooner bites the shackled hand that feeds him

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker get engaged. Raise your hand if you give a shiat

(18)

Greatest Anti-Icon of 2006 announced. Pete Doherty is there

Now that the divorce is final, Sheen ready to whip out the checkbook again

(3)

(NBC13)

DeVito denies being drunk on "The View," leading Hollywood insiders to call his performance on the show the best of his career

And they lived happily ever after: Cruise and Holmes buy English countryside mansion

(EW)

Writers of "Lost" meet their idol, Stephen King, go see "The Descent" together, chat about his favorite show. Now they'll never forget the face of their father

George Clooney mocks Frankenstein and She-man

(Celebitchy)

Actress Michelle Williams has all her fansites shut down, disappointing a handful of people

(47)

New season of "Scrubs" starts tonight with lots of preggos

(A Socialite's Life)

Red carpet photos: Jennifer Garner has lost her baby weight, Hayden Panettiere is grown-up and Maria Bello (or is it Mary McCormack?) looks good. But who let in that drunken hooker in a white dress?

Obvious tag implodes: Lindsay Lohan goes to AA

(27)

"Saturday Night Live" rehearsals may be webcast, allowing even more people the chance to see how truly awful this current cast really is

(28)

(Hollywood.com)

Apparently catching sight of her at the exact moment she heard the buffet was closed, 50 Cent claims Oprah Winfrey has turned white

(25)

When Suge Knight thinks you are 'a rat' all you can do is run, Dogg, run

(34)

Jude Law eats raw goat kidney, finds composition similar to Sadie Frost

(3)

Faux celebrity, Heather Mills, urges a ban on pet fur...so, um, shave your pets

Sly Stallone says he based the new Rocky on Jesus Christ; because he knows he is going to get crucified

(14)

Elton John to John Howard: "Up Yours", which is exactly what the PM is trying to avoid

(9)

Gynecologist discusses public health danger of pantyless skank starlets' snail trails. "Scary" and "Obvious" busy fighting, so "Sick" takes over

(306)

Family Friendly Programming Forum announces winners of its eighth annual Family Television Awards. If you are already suspecting the winning shows might suck, here, have a cookie

The power of penguins continues unabated, as the Hallmark Channel posts their highest ratrings ever with their weekend broadcast of "March Of The Penguins"

(American Spectator)

Perhaps youthful celebrities like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are more to be pitied than blamed because nobody taught them how to be proper ladies instead of gibbering jism buckets

Nicole Kidman somehow manages to top best-paid actress list without airing her pudenda at every photo op

(26)

After seeing all the recent news about Britney, Christina Aguilera decides to have her own drunken shenanigans

Borat making life difficult for real Kazakh TV news crews

(102)

(China Daily)

Whitetrashathon continues as the ex-husband from Britney's 55 hour marriage decides to ride her naked cooter news swell with the release of his tell-all book "I Saw It First"

Seinfeld Season 7 DVD sales up 75% over Season Six, 90% over Season Five. Fifty years ago we would have called this a publicity stunt

(14)

New Spider-Man 3 footage, complete with commentary by Maguire and Raimi, and a first look at Venom

The hottest new best-seller in Japan is a medical textbook on the anatomy of the female genitalia

Horn-rimmed glasses are the new mark of a Hollywood villain. Drew Carey auditioning for next James Bond film

Theatre chain handing out pagers to customers that would warn the manager if there's a disturbance. What could possibly go wrong?

Wed November 29, 2006:

# of Comments

(TronGuy)

Top computer servers from Hollywood. I welcome our new digital overlords

(TFW2005.com)

Transformers Movie Leaked Design Images

(43)

K-Fed was getting a little action on the side from a porn star

(27)

Danny Devito was drunk on the view. That's the only way any guy can make it through a show

(20)

(Broadcasting and Cable)

Kathy Griffin's reality show picked up for another season. Since she dumped her husband, offended her best gays, and outed her assistant, the show will consist of her and her dogs. Or dog, since one died

(19)

J. Lo turns to Xenu for help getting pregnant

(The Superficial)

Britney's knockers making their way south to her cooter, where there's more fresh air (SFW-ish)

Fox News finally picks up on the Britney flashing her hooha all over town story

Rosie O'Donnell wants Britney Spears to move in with her, and to start wearing underwear. That is all

(Security Focus)

The moral of the story: if you're a television celebrity, you should probably wipe the hardcore porn videos of yourself off the computer before you sell it

Ben Affleck gives Hollywood an ultimatum: let him direct or he'll star in the Baywatch movie

(Celebslam)

Not News: A celebrity appears on an NBC game show - News: The celebrity was Kevin Federline - Fark.com: He actually got one of the questions right

(9)

After plenty of blow and some vodka, Lindsey Lohan demostrates that she's clearly not a hindu, or um, literate and issues a condolence statement to the Altman family advising us all, among many other things to "Be adequite"

(28)

A&E channel convinced that Sopranos reruns without nudity, violence or profanity won't be that noticeable and viewers will still embrace Tony, Silvio, Paulie and Big Vagina

Who will win this year's "Bad Sex in Fiction" literary award? Submitter has money riding on Mark Foley's page-turner

(97)

Vertigo's "Preacher" coming to HBO, courtesy of the folks who brought you "Grumpier Old Men"

(47)

Hollywood is out of ideas: they are planning a remake of Poltergeist

Sofia Coppola gives birth to daughter. No godfather named yet

Michael Douglas nearly falls out of his cherry picker. Catherine Zeta Jones will do that to a 62-year-old man

Digitally-enhanced Wizard of Oz to hit UK theatres next month. Plot to remain intact, except for when Jar-Jar scares the flying monkeys away before they capture Dorothy

Charlotte Church gets it right, makes her man a damn sammich every day, enjoys washing his kit (whatever that means, but it sounds hot)

(45)

(NY Daily News)

For 40 years, New Yorkers without fireplaces have been able to turn on the TV on Christmas and watch a Yule log burn. Somebody has decided that "take log, light it, repeat" is worthy of a documentary

(100)

MTV plans to suck 20 times as much in 2007

Michael Richards now forced to defend being a Jew, although many feel he's just doing it for the jokes

(35)

(Cinema Blend)

"Starship Troopers 3" is in the works. Would you like to know more? I didn't think so

(74)

Snoop Dogg arrested for third time in two months. LAPD reportedly have citations for Snoop, pre-printed with marijuana and weapons violations

Scarlett Johansson smokes so much that her neighbors are complaining

(61)

Yellow Wiggle leaves supergroup with "mysterious illness." Jerry Falwell could have sworn he remembered asking God to strike down the purple one

(56)

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper diagnosed with lymphoma. Life's a biatch, and she's back in heat

(27)

After seeing how well it's working with Zune, Universal Music may seek royalty deal with iPod

Begin pointless argument now: Top 20 music videos according to Time Magazine

(73)

Britney says "Paris is my Idol" proving slutty is as slutty does

(Some Kramer)

National Lampoon's lost "Seinfeld" episode

(30)

Tue November 28, 2006:

# of Comments

X-men illustrator dies in Superman pyjamas at 65, never made it out of parents' basement

(148)

Not only does Jesse Jackson wish people would stop using the n-word, he wants black rappers, comedians and hip-hop artists to go first

(46)

(People Magazine)

First it was Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. Now it appears that Hilary Duff is dumping Joel Madden. Wait, who?

(28)

(TMZ)

"30 Rock" star Tracy Morgan nailed for drunk driving yet again. He had his clothes on, thank goodness

(26)

(Novinite.com)

Bulgarian pop singer attempting to change name to "Madona"... again. Claims that it is not copying that other, semi-known person because it only has one “n”

(7)

(Star-ecentral.com)

Robby Takac of The Goo Goo Dolls has dropped the "M-bomb"

(40)

(Joystiq)

Stephen Colbert knocks out Nancy Pelosi with his Wii

(lse.co.uk)

Unlikely news: Jennifer Love Hewitt may be pregnant. Really unlikely news: Jack Black claims he could have had her, but passed

(WWTDD)

Lindsay Lohan now claims that Paris Hilton did not hit her and whoever said that is a "liar, liar, crotch on fire"

(7)

(CHUD)

Everyone in "Watchmen" to have huge tits

On a troublesome episode of "Teen Town," Peaches is livid over the news that Courtney has her sights set on Donny. She also can't believe she hasn't been invited to the slumber party

(HuffPo)

GQ: Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson newlyweds of the year Everyone else: HAHAHA

All David Beckham wants for Christmas is a frying pan: To cook with and knock some sense into Posh Spice

(6)

Hollywood announces upcoming releases of "Rocky XXIV: Dead Man Walking," "Indiana Jones: A Professor’s Memoirs," "Rambo IV: Negotiating VA Benefits" and "Live Free or Die Hard: Implausible Scenarios for Your Averag

Man who was shot for PS3 told his friends to continue waiting in line as he's coughing up blood, "not because he's a fan of the popular game system but because he saw a business opportunity"

James Bond rules the world except in the U.S., where even 007 can't kill off those cute dancing penguins

Fergie of the Black-Eyes Peas only gets one hour of sleep a night. If she keeps it up, she is going to look not so Fergalicious

(62)

The little Kazak that could Borat now officially being blamed for Anderson/Rock split

No one showed up for Heather Mills' shoe auction. Apparently, they wanted to buy in pairs

(44)

Mark Burnett and Roma Downey announce their engagement. The immunity challenge in this case will just involve Roma signing a prenup

Lindsay Lohan: Look at me, I'm an attention whore. Paparazzi: Die in a fire (crotch)

(26)

(People Magazine)

As the fallout from the Anderson/Rock divorce continues, their friends are shocked, shocked they tell you, about the news. Proving that being a friend of theirs requires no intelligence

It's been a little over a week, so what is the early verdict on the console wars? USA Today hands the new crown to Nintendo. Or Microsoft. You choose

(65)

"Degrassi: The Next Generation" returning for a sixth season, thrilling pre-teen girls and Kevin Smith

(18)

(TMZ.com)

"Heroes" Hiro was magazine cover boy at 12 years old

Hippest cast member of "Star Trek" ponders William Shatner, "Heroes" and Howard Stern

(19)

PETA names Nicole Richie their "worst-dressed celeb," citing she's nothing more than "animal skin and bones"

If Dave Navarro wants to avoid being photographed in late-night trip to L.A. gas station, he shouldn't try blocking his face with Trojan large-size condoms (pic)

Norwegian composer takes recording of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and slows it down so it lasts 24 hours

(110)

Quite possibly the dumbest top-five list you will ever read in your life

(74)

Sly Stallone, much like most farkers, abstained from sex during filming of "Rocky Balboa." In other news, 60-year-old Sly Stallone is still having sex, apparently

Mon November 27, 2006:

# of Comments

Tom Cruise couldn't get Nicole Kidman pregnant, but an alcoholic drug addict could

TV Land cable network has compiled a list of the 100 greatest catchphrases in TV history

(260)

(Celebitchy)

Hilary Duff finally gets her huge teeth fixed, looks less likely to nuzzle your pocket for a sugar cube (pic)