Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2006-11-26 23:59:59'

# of Comments

ABC's The Nine couldn't make it past episode seven

(5)

French singer shocked when fan asks him to sign her vibrator: "I was naive and didn't realise what it was until it started buzzing"

Things not to do while at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum: Pull down the pants of the Kylie Minogue figure and kiss its ass (with probably Not safe for work pic)

Jessica Biel and Derek Jeter have to be sprayed with a garden hose at art exhibit

(9)

(filmcritic.com)

The 10 Best Movie Teachers... Aloha, Mr. Hand

(24)

(Hunger Artists)

Santa covered in sauce. A meatball in a manger. Move over Christmas, it's the Flying Spaghetti Monster Holiday Pageant

(bizofshowbiz.com)

The MPAA and RIAA trying to "educate" us poor dummies rather than show us why we should buy from them

(163)

Russian pop duet Tatu insults the disabled. In other news, Tatu is still around?

Take That has number one single in Britain. What the hell, are we back in 1993 again?

(5)

Emilio Estevez believes he'll land another acting job someday

Sam Raimi asked to direct "The Hobbit." Bruce Campbell expected to make cameo appearance as Tom Bombadil

(26)

Pink Floyd to permit sample of its music for first time; all in all it's just another quid in the wallet

Yoko Ono calls for Dec. 8 to be the day to ask forgiveness, admits she can't forgive Mark David Chapman

Paula Abdul releases cardio workout with help from NFL cheerleaders, sans scat cat

(7)

Michael Richards (Kramer) makes another apology for his remarks

(44)

(Some Chinese Guy)

While shooting a movie in Africa, Leo Dicaprio saves his co-star's life by stnding up to gunmen and saying: "'Well, you're gonna have to go through me."

(32)

Possible Prozac side effects: drowsiness, nausea, impotence, dry mouth, killing Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman, headaches, weight change

(56)

"Hatred of Rachael Ray can be a powerful uniting force"

(129)

Interview with John Engel about the "uncommon sound" of left-handed guitar gods

"The Electric Company - Hits and Bits" special on PBS. Submitter lost 3 hours of his weekend to this collection of happy flashbacks from childhood, including Morgan Freeman bathing in a coffin

(iPod Observer)

Moby says that Bill O'Reilly's attack on the iPod proves he's a very lonely man. Because up until now we all regarded pestering young women with loofa fantasies as evidence of his healthy social life

(37)

New Wii owners reporting mysterious aches and pains associated with behavior known as "exercise"

(53)

(Some Flying Monkey)

SciFi to produce an "update" of 'Wizard of Oz'. To include a half-brain named Glitch, tin man named Cain, and wolverine named Raw. Wait, wolverine?

(34)

(Huffington Post)

Jennifer Aniston spends Thanksgiving with Brad Pitt's parents, effectively alienating Brad, Angelina, and the Rainbow Coalition the couple have adopted

Sat November 25, 2006:

# of Comments

(celeb slap)

Lindsay Hohan goes berzerk for her new man and tries to lock him up in her hotel

Radio pioneer John R. Pepper II has died

Makers of Kina Lillet see huge boost in sales thanks to new 007 movie and copycat fans; glove-compartment heart-defibrillator manufacturer still waiting by the phone

(Now Magazine)

Bobby Kennedy biopic somehow involves a very pissed off Emilio Estevez. No clear word on whether he plays the brain, the beauty, the jock, the rebel, or the recluse, but someone is getting their butt cheeks duct-taped

Singer Clay Aiken battles allergy to nuts, complains about frequent rash on chin

(57)

George Michael wants the other Wham guy to join him on tour. Other guy asks after so many years of no contact, where does he get off?

Linkin Park fan hacks lead singer's cell phone records, threatens his wife trying to impress Jodie Foster

Carmen Electra spotted making out with Joan Jett after Dave Navarro spotted making out with Greg Kihn

(idolator.com)

Will 2006 have its own Milli Vanilli scandal? Or is this just an entertainment lawyer in need of attention?

Sean Connery's decision to pass on Gandalf role cost him an estimated $445 million. "My staff has more magic, Gandalf." "That's not what your mother said, Saruman!"

(155)

New Virgin Mary movie produced by evangelical Christians re-imagines mother of Christ as down-to-earth feisty evangelical Christian type of gal

Cletus gives new meaning to 'delusions of grandeur' by saying America hates him because he "took their queen"

(170)

50 Cent finds it unacceptable that a fictional secret agent can hold a gun in a movie poster but a gang-banger thug from the hood can't

(261)

"If you were to ask most Canadians what's wrong with Canadian TV, they wouldn't say 'image quality' "... No, they'd probably say 'Rita McNeil's Christmas'

(20)

(Slashfood)

Eight new flavors of M&Ms set to debut on a "limited basis," sign me up for Eat, Drink, and Be Cherry

(72)

Kevin Smith teaching class in cell-phone movies at UCLA film school, a hat trick of things he is unqualified for

(13)

Fri November 24, 2006:

# of Comments

(T.V. Squad)

"Thank you for smoking" to become a series on NBC. "Thank you for killing my wife and her lover, whoever you were" still on the table at Fox

Michael Richards hecklers tell their story. Also say that apology was not enough. You'll never guess what will heal their wounds

(89)

British historian says turkey has nothing to do with American Thanksgiving. But what does that goose-stuffer know about tradition?

(4)

That class act Courtney Love admits she didn't love Kurt Cobain; claims her one true love was actor Ed Norton

(30)

If you've been waiting 60 years for the sequel to "It's a Wonderful Life", you're SOL

Director plans to use digital effects for upcoming movie starring Bruce Lee

Rich fan gives Mariah Carey a fur coat, who gives it to PETA, who promptly loses it. There just aren't enough Dumbass tags to go around

Aurora - the first feature film about Chernobyl tragedy

Michael Richards hires PR expert. Nobody knows how long this parade is going to last. They are a very festive people

Roger Waters just sold $14.5 million in New York real estate, grabs that cash with both hands and makes a stash

Hey, some good news for Michael Richards -- someone's coming to his defense (sorta). Bad news -- it's only Tom Green

(122)

Proving once again she is a fine upstanding citizen, Tawney Kitaen get busted for coke (pic)

(23)

Tom Petty doesn't keep guns anymore because he'd just go outside and disturb the peace; probably just angry because he's starting to look like Martina Navratilova (with scary pic)

Because we were all anxious to hear, David Blaine survives latest attention-whoring stunt; promises next stunt will be most difficult ever, going an entire five days without attention

(80)

OJ says he already spent the book advance -- also wishes everyone a happy Thanksgiving and have fun cutting the white meat

Margaret Cho appointed to sex-toy company board of directors, voted least-funny sex-toy company board member at first meeting

(24)

16-year-old, unmarried actress who portrays Mary in "The Nativity Story" is with child. Holy Ghost sought for paternity test

(138)

Thu November 23, 2006:

# of Comments

Heidi Klum gives birth to Seal's son. Club-wielding furriers advance on the scene, withdraw in confusion

(Dose.ca)

"Hugh Jackman's pubes suffer for his art"

Jennifer Aniston still winning "Most Wanted Hairstyle" polls; so, pulling your hair out when your ex travels around the world having babies with a hotter woman CAN pay off

(72)

(AceShowbiz)

Computer graphic technology brings back Bruce Lee in "Rage & Fury"

How you know it's Thanksgiving season: Radio stations playing Christmas music 24/7

(115)

How various celebrities enjoy Thanksgiving; well, except Billy Dee Williams, who's still sore over that whole Pilgrim thing. Article is surprisingly Lindsay/Fed-Ex/Paris/Kramer-free

Zen and the art of the last interview legendary author Robert Pirsig may ever give

A bunch of celebrities you forgot about years ago are dishing up turkey to homeless people in LA

(Kumbahya)

Canadian folk singer John Allan Cameron died today at age 67. I guess that's like 151 American years so he had a good life

Michael Richards hires crisis expert. Jerry Seinfeld asks 'What is the deal with these crisis experts?'

(31)

Heather Mills bitten by the acting bug, may snag an appearance on Desperate Housewives. Break a leg, sweetheart

(7)

Wed November 22, 2006:

# of Comments

MGM wants to keep Peter Jackson on The Hobbit and The Hobbit II: More Hobbits, will fight New Line's decision to proceed without him

(30)

(Metro UK)

Sapphozao -- reports that Britney was bi and wanted threesomes with Fed-Ex; and this guy left her why?

After a failed album, Ron Artest is rearranging chairs on the Titanic and now wants to collaborate with Celine Dion

(3)

Lindsay Lohan writes a eulogy for Robert Altman whilst 2/3rds of the way through a speedball and half a bottle of nail polish remover. (w/ bonus pic of Altman coping a feel on Lindsay)

(Some Mandonna)

Official Madonna Confessions Tour Thread. London Performance on NBC right now

(49)

(Celebslam)

Step 1. Neglect to pay the private Bahamian doctor that performed an autopsy on your late son Daniel. Step 2. Step 3. Profit

(5)

(TMZ.com)

Turns out Michael Richards' hateful n-word rant was a sequel to his hateful j-word rant; all you Madagascarites and children with Down's Syndrome, don't feel left out, you're up next

(229)

Barbara Walters nips O'Donnell-Aiken-Ripa feud in the bud, says if Rosie was a tree she'd be a Boxwood

Britney said she was 'blindsided' by K-Fed skit at that AMAs. That 'blindsiding' thing pretty explains her whole marriage, too

(Media Matters)

Conservative creep-a-zoid connects Michael Richard's eruption to liberals; Stage-nervous, coked-out, unprofessional liberals nationwide scoff

(39)

(US Magazine)

Ruben Studdard becomes a vegetarian, eats entire salad bar at The Sizzler

(VH1)

Jack Black to play Muhammad Ali. Wait, what?

(9)

New report says Lohan tried (unsuccessfully) to Belushi herself

(28)

Tawny Kitaen charged with drug possession, making Chuck Finley cower in fear, looking hot in that Whitesnake video

(20)

Jennifer Love Hewitt invites Jack Black up to her hotel room. He didn't take her up on it. Dumbass tag cries pitifully

(41)

Blinding evildoers with their paleness and firing at them with their laser-emitting nipples, the incredibly white duo of Jim Gaffigan and Conan O'Brien fight crime like no other superheroes (with video)

(3)

Biggest dumbass at TomKat's wedding may have been Jennifer Lopez

(29)

Outrage over Peter Jackson being dropped from The Hobbit leads to online petition. Because, you know, Hollywood pays a lot of attention to those things

Will Ferrell turned down $29 million to do Elf 2, doesn't want to be over-exposed

(26)

(WWTDD)

Denzel Washington claims that Dakota Fanning is the hottest actress he has ever worked with. Hundreds of Farkers nod in approval

Carmen Electra says that even though she's divorcing Dave Navarro, they are still good friends and share many things in common... like their taste in men

Hasselhoff's ex jumps out of his car and onto the gravy train

(4)

(PR-Inside.com)

Angelina Jolie pays a surprise visit to Cambodia as terrified mothers scramble to hide their children

(TMZ)

Nerd persecution continues as some ogre at Fox Alpha Beta kills "Revenge of the Nerds" remake

Top 10 food moments in movie history. What, no 9 1/2 Weeks?

(Some Gold Dust Guy)

Lindsay Lohan to play Stevie Nicks in biopic. Playing a coked-out, promiscuous slag with a throaty voice is gonna be a real stretch

(26)

Bill O'Reilly calls iPod users computer geeks. Apparently has never heard of "World of Warcraft." Moby gets on his lawn and tells him to suck it

(36)

Lifetime network to debut gaydar game show

(3)

(ITN)

Natalie Imbruglia working to end the Fistula of women, which believe me is not as hot as you might guess it is

(11)

Interview with Gary Larson

(30)

Watch a bunch of spoiled rich kids make fools of themselves and have lots of drunken sex with each other as The Real World Denver starts tonight

Secretary of Education loses on Jeopardy to the lead singer of Spinal Tap. Got trounced in category "Colors Ending in -urple"

(Daily News)

Black Eyed Peas big winners at AMAs, dinner

Casino Royale - mistaken, not stirred

(36)

Dick Clark recalls having his stroke: "murbbleph phemphluph burbbleph." Strong, true words

(TMZ)

"It only took Britney Spears one night of hanging out with Paris Hilton to start running around without her pants"

(Kelly Ripa)

Gay Rosie O'Donnell , who's gay, pulls the "Gay card" out of her butt. Because if you didn't know it yet, she's gay

(74)

Tue November 21, 2006:

# of Comments

(WWTDD)

Will Smith: “I know how to learn anything I want to learn. I know that I could learn how to fly the space shuttle because someone else knows how to fly it, and they put it in a book.” Dumbass tag to land on lunar surface shortly

(65)

(TV Squad)

David Cross covers Bank of America's cover of U2's "One"

(31)

(WWTDD)

There is no Britney sex tape. Submitter's mom sex tape still in wide circulation

(37)

Seen the BofA "One Bank" video? Yeah, so has U2 and they're pissed

(13)

Good news: Starting tomorrow, you can download PSOne games and play them on your PSP. Bad news: You need a PS3. I hate you, Sony with the fire of a thousand suns

(28)

Orlando Bloom dating Kirsten Dunst, or maybe canoodling. Possibly just snogging. Whatever

Noel Gallagher thinks wounded soldiers in Iraq are a bunch of whiny little crybabies

(39)

(E! Online)

"Scrubs" is going to kill someone. Hope it's not the World's Most Giant Doctor

(27)

Eddie Murphy says that acting eased the pain of his divorce. Considering his acting, it must not have been that painful of a divorce

Kanye West weighs in on biracial women: "If it wasn't for race mixing there'd be no video girls. Me and most of our friends like mutts a lot. Yeah, in the hood we call 'em mutts"

(98)

Ex-Doctor Who to become new "Hero." No word on whether his powers include sonic screwdriving

(34)

CBS discovers that people downloading shows increases regular schedule viewership

Janet Jackson joins the Mile High Club. Fark.com: She was in her seat on a commercial flight when she did it

(22)

Don't drink too much of the new Jimi Hendrix Electric Vodka, or you'll end up 'scusing yourself while you kiss this guy

Pete Doherty is saving the world's children from drugs. By doing them all before they can get any

Woman gets presenting job at BBC after employer found videos of her on YouTube

Director Robert Altman dead. Funeral expected to be star-studded, rambling, plotless

(123)

Battlestar Galactica to move to Sundays, giving viewers more time to go out, or at least rearrange the basement

(53)

Why are penguins box-office gold? Here comes the science

(variety)

Anne Hathaway to be 69 to Steve Carrell's 99

(42)

Daddy Warbucks knocks Santa out of first place on Forbes annual list of richest fictional characters. Suck it, you fur-wearing fat man

Britney may leak sex tape free to the Internet to keep Fed-Ex from making any money off it. It's been a long time coming, but Britney + free sex tape + biatchslapping Cletus = tag

(238)

(American.com)

List of 10 best business movies ever

(146)

(Pitchfork)

Mike Watt playing bass on new Kelly Clarkson record (with Kelly sans make-up pic)

(50)

(e-news)

"X-Men 4": No Wolverine, no Magneto, no Storm, add one snarky "Lost" actor

(55)

(Hollywood Tuna)

Paris Hilton single-handedly ruining Jay-Z’s street cred

"Heroes" has jumped the shark

(106)

Businessman offers indecent proposal of $1 million for a special night with Elton John, and 150 others get to watch

(4)

"I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this"

(495)

Mon November 20, 2006:

# of Comments

Fox network 'floundering' without Arrested Development. Ah, who are we kidding, they don't even remember what it looked like. It's the loss of "American Idol" that really has them taking it in the shorts

(54)

(Some Married Guy)

Real Madrid soccer star David Beckham told to skip Tom and Katie's wedding avoiding a repeat of the scene from 'The Graduate' with Beckham banging on the glass screaming "Tom...Tom"

(13)

Courtney Love's nude photoshoot has nothing to do with the fact that she has a book coming out. Shockingly, it sucks

(29)

(TMZ.com)

Michael Richards apologizes via satellite on Letterman tonight (with guest Jerry Seinfeld) for racist outburst at comedy club

(583)

HBO still in Bada-business, extends "Sopranos" run

(28)

Heather Mills: "I'm not a gold-digger." Hayley Mills: "I'm not my mother." General Mills: "Would you like some cereal?"

(46)

(WiiWii)

How David Gest would look if he was a Nintendo Wii Mii avatar. Only slightly less scary than the real thing

(11)

(Rocky Mountain News)

Recap of all 17 years of MTV's "Real World": Drinking, fighting, sex

(Celebslam)

Tom Cruise is sooo straight, he had to be told to stop kissing Katie Holmes at his wedding

(27)

Lindsay Lohan hooks up with soccer legend's son, who was seen immediately afterward rolling on the ground, holding his crotch

Game Show Network made you a cat championship show, but it eated it

(27)

(PinkNews)

George Michael gets a frog in his throat. No, he's not on a European tour

(Bumpshack)

Oh no, say it ain't so, Britney. You finally rid yourself of K-Fed but now are partying with Paris Hilton in Vegas. That is actually hazardous to your health