Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2006-10-29 23:59:59'

# of Comments

(The celebritycafe)

Snoop Dog gets busted in the airport again with marijuana. Too bas says Snoop cause that was the Milfweed

(FemaleFirst)

David Bowie gives up sausage, bacon

(18)

J.Lo will come to your party for a million bucks, but you best not put her up in a penthouse with a lousy view

"Saw III" takes in $34.3 million in opening weekend. Suck it, SOaP

(38)

(In The News)

David Hasselhoff pulls out of MTV awards, claims it was "too tacky"

Drummer for "The Clash" is now a chiropractor. Can cure the Police on your back

Grateful Dead bassist Phil Lesh announces that he has prostate cancer. Chances of recovery are excellent though since he's not a keyboard player

Huge-ass drum circle in India supposedly breaks world record. Dude, man, that's NOTHING. At Bonnarroo last year, we had this, like HUGE circle, with like so many people, man, it like touched other DIMENSIONS, man

(NYDN)

A look at the later careers of actors best known for dying horrific deaths in slasher movies

Jennifer Grey admits she regrets getting her nose done: "I'll always be this once-famous actress nobody recognises... because of a nose job."

(35)

(Fametastic)

Sandra Bullock dedicates award to husband, thanks him for the love he gives everyday "and especially last night"

(Monsters and Critics)

Ashlee Simpson loves her boobies and claims they are perfect; Farkers will need more visual evidence to render expert opinion

Q&A with Chili Peppers' Anthony Kiedis

(12)

Steve Irwin widow stung by South Park barbs over her husband's death, urge people not to watch the show, not realizing most stopped long ago anyway

(48)

(Gawker)

Gallery of some of the worst magazine covers of all-time. Warning: shirtless Scott Stapp

(13)

Axl Rose sums up a typical night of partying: "I don't remember where I was ... but I know it had something to do with a mechanical bull"

(NY Daily News)

Samuel L. Jackson refused to take second billing to rapper $0.50 in movie, and there ain't a got-damned thing you can do about it

(9)

Sat October 28, 2006:

# of Comments

(Some Undead)

If you ever wanted to dress like a zombie & wander around where they shot the original "Dawn Of The Dead" then Sunday is your lucky day

(50)

Canadian TV could vanish from the airwaves soon as talks between actors and producers break down. EVERYBODY PANIC

(9)

NBC refuses to air ad for new Dixie Chicks' movie 'Death To America' or whatever they're calling it

Amateur porn is alive and well and living at San Francisco's Amateur Erotic Film Competition (SFW)

Tara Reid says her recent plastic surgery makes her feel like a girl again, depending on which part of that girl you're feeling; let's give her a decent tag, for once

"Doesn't this look great? We just bought this 700-acre island in the Bahamas. How I wish, how I wish you were here. Love, Roger Waters and Shakira"

Medical experts think Scarlett Johansson's frequent HIV tests mean she or her boyfriend aren't being faithful; all you Farkers who are currently having sex with her already knew that

Sylvester Stallone promises villagers no trees will be hurt during making of new Rambo film

(5)

Blizzard adjusts new Blood Elves to make them more manly, less metro

(89)

Restaurant customer to Paris Hilton: "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like Paris Hilton"

(4)

Enter the dragon babystyle

ABC to roll out the Dick Clark robot once more to welcome 2007

Actor Alan Cumming admits to grabbing Hugh Jackman's rear every chance he got

How do you know a stoner has too much money? He spends $15 Million to buy a claim to the rights to Jimmy Hendrix's music, even after being told the claim is worthless

Statue of Dennis the Menace stolen. Although it will be Ruff to find thieves, cops hope they can Ketcham

(Joblo)

Now that everyone knows who Borat is, Sacha Baron Cohen prepares to morph into Bruno (some ads possibly Not safe for work)

Fri October 27, 2006:

# of Comments

Producers surprised viewers nominated very few women for Britain's greatest living icon

(48)

Anna Nicole Smith mounts new legal problems. *boom chicka bowa*

(2)

Rachel Ray has bent over a bit too far. Or maybe just the right amount? (Nip slip maybe Not safe for work)

(38)

Sarah Jessica Parker still loves trick-or-treating, getting sugar cubes

Pete Townshend's report on child pornography compares online kiddie porn to free coke at a party. Seriously. The Smoking Gun is there

(4)

Alan Cumming under the impression Hugh Jackman likes it when he squeezes his ass; article incorporates the spiffy Cumming/Jackman combo

(Celebslam)

Nicole Richie dresses up for Halloween as small boy. Look at the skinny waste, undeveloped breasts, and bony arms. So authentic

Singer Chris Cornell in motorcycle crash. Gets up, dusts off, and records solo album

(49)

(Entertainment Weekly)

EW does an extended interview with K-Fed. Asked what A-Team member he would be he says Murdock because "He was kind of like the brains." Pssst. Ummm. He was the crazy one

(13)

Moby angered by Limbaugh's comments about Michael J. Fox. This will no doubt upset Charleton Heston, which in turn will drive Barbra Streisand crazy. And the daisy chain of celebrity whining continues

(438)

Stand back Madonna, Piscopo adopts entire city

Angelina Jolie to adopt Indian baby, increase her army of under privileged children

(40)

(A Socialite's Life)

Sharon Stone looking good at 48, although that forehead has seen more botox than the LA chapter of the Junior League (SFW)

"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" turns 40 this year. Lucy's outbursts now being attributed to menopause

(140)

KISS releases perfume and cologne line. So if you want to smell like Chaim Witz's and Paul Stanley's codpiece, today is your lucky day

(20)

Actress Anne Hathaway vows to keep doing nude scenes

(58)

(CelebrityJPG.com)

Jessica Alba - Doing it in the ocean? Mostly safe for work, bikinis and stuff looks like

(81)

Sharon Osbourne disgusted that Madonna "bought" a baby. Ozzy disgusted that he can't eat it

Jeri Ryan may be a fine actress and human being, but all her co-stars like James Woods and William Shatner really care about are her boobies, or, "The Girls"

(37)

(Some AOL user)

Where's your Messiah now? He's over there rapping in the new version of " The Passion." Peace be with you, yo

(15)

South Park to air episode featuring the death of Steve Irwin. Crikey

(272)

Malawi man says it's now OK for Madonna to adopt his child. The big black suitcase full of cash had nothing to do with it, I'm sure

Avril Lavigne and her punk rock panties captured by the paparazzi

(59)

Nicole Ritchie seeks medical help for her weight. In related news, there's a Doctor Of Sammiches now

(30)

Thu October 26, 2006:

# of Comments

"K-Fed" tells Entertainment Weekly he's most talked about celebrity, most underrated performer in his field. Oddly enough, the word "douchebag" isn't in this article

(23)

Star of "Scrotal Vengeance" claims she's the Julia Roberts of horror flicks, mad at Stuff magazine for overlooking her in its horror-queens list

(79)

Canada theater chain screening "Death of a President", and is heavily advertising in American cities to draw Americans interested in that sort of thing

(20)

(Some MySpacer)

Barbra Streisand's recent "STFU" onstage outburst remixed into dance track (uncensored version in link)

(151)

Borat's exclusive top 10 tips for making sexytime

(33)

Sinking so low that they can look up to whale crap, Comedy Central will air online show about two animated testicles

(32)

Neighbors want Lindsay Lohan to get the hell out before she's even moved in to her new condo

(15)

Hoping to cash in on the recent popularity of snakes in a movie title, studio set to release "Rambo IV: In the Serpent's Eye"

(17)

Kevin Federline finds manliness through female hygeine products

Hasselhoff says wife was a cokehead, cheater, and drunk at the daughter's sweet sixteen. Before you judge, remember she had to be married to David Hasselhoff

(12)

And now, in the latest episode of 'Please Eat Something,' Angelina Jolie collapses on set

(NY Daily News)

Mary Poppins fans left muttering supercalifragil@#$%*^%@ after shows cancelled in both NY and London due to technical difficulties

(5)

Sandra Bullock's Secret to Sucess: Mind Blowing Sex

(31)

Naomi Campbell arrested on assault charges again

(9)

Mannheim Steamroller releases Halloween CD this year. Trans-Siberian Orchestra outraged, calls move "unacceptable violation of mutual experimental Christmas music agreement"

(58)

R.I.P. Tommy Johnson. You might not know him by name, but you will never forget the sound of his tuba in the Jaws theme

(Bumpshack)

Lindsay Lohan shows that the Strawberry Nesquik (Hollywood's new term for cocaine) is affecting her brain and what she dares to wear in public

(41)

Howard Stern knows how to milk first day of free Sirius internet radio by pissing Pete Townshend off and replacing him with surprise guest Roger Daltrey. Who won't get fooled again

(63)

Wed October 25, 2006:

# of Comments

(celeb slap)

Nicole Richie spotted with ex-fiance. at least we know she hasn't starved to death yet

(3)

Ashton Kutcher worried that Lindsay Lohan is distracting his stepdaughter from studying (second item)

Paris Hilton tapes PSA against drunk driving (insert your own joke here)

(13)

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss showed up to that same Moet and Chandon Fashion Tribute event not only wearing the same stupid masks, but also toughening up their new baby with cigarette smoke and alcohol. (w/pics)

(23)

(Some Proud Peacock)

NBC hits the anti-creativity trifecta with the BBC-produced reality series about people who can't sing auditioning

Go straight to hell, boys: The Clash honored with exhibit at Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. RIP Joe

(55)

Borat invites premiere attendees to "drink, wrestle with no clothes on and shoot dogs from the window." In England, we call that "Wednesday"

Mary-Kate Olsen wins the fashion award, takes to the streets without any pants on (with pics)

(45)

Vincent Gallo proves he is still the King of Creep by dating a 16-year-old socialite. Shows his affection by licking her cheek and grabbing her ass

(52)

(Dose.ca)

Tom Cruise to play best Starfleet officer in history of Federation ever for a minute or less

(49)

Fox cuts the number of theatres that will show new Borat movie by half after deciding most Americans are too stupid to understand it

(46)

(Dose.ca)

George Clooney works with Coens for third time, afraid to make new friends

Britney has spent $100,000 trying to restore her body to some semblance of hotness

It's official: Britney and K-Fed's newest kid is not named "drivers side airbag"

Madonna goes on Oprah to tell her side of story, portrays herself as heroine. Fat middle-age housewives eat it up

(30)

(E! Online)

Woman claims that all three of Michael Jackson's children are actually hers. Strangely, though, her name is not Billie Jean... it's "dudu." No, really

(6ABC)

Fan will return Alice Cooper's missing sword; will not claim the reward, saying she's just happy to meet him in person

Tara Reid turning 30, in rush to settle down and have babies. To be bottle-fed most likely

(18)

Dick Clark to auction off personal items, including his original non-robotic body

Dennis Rodman auctions himself on Ebay for Halloween. Airfare, hotel and a night at Scores included. Nobody bidding, though, because vaccinations and doctor visit afterward aren't included

(66)

After suffering months of gibes about their reaction to "Borat," the Kazakhs finally got the joke. Well, some of it... except the parts about the horse’s urine and the Jews

(TV Guide)

Official "Lost" 3.4 discussion thread. LGT super major ginormous spoiler for next week's episode

(185)

(Defamer)

Like lipstick on a pig, Courtney Love gets a new pair of headlights (SFW)

(29)

(NME Music)

The Killers' new album, "Sam's Town," is sooooo much more superior and patriotic than Green Day's "American Idiot." And who knows better than the Killers' lead singer himself?

(51)

Finally, gaming engines put to good use: Determining the breast trajectory of well-endowed female characters

(52)

(punchline mag)

"When I was a kid, I wish my first word had been 'Quote,' so right before I die I could say, 'Unquote'"

(35)

(Whedonesque)

Perhaps failing to understand that fan-made merch is the only reason the "Firefly" and "Serenity" brands are still even remotely visible, Universal retroactively bills a fan $9,000 in licensing fees

(EW)

Nutjob Elisabeth Hasselbeck focuses her crazy ray on... *spins roulette wheel*... "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" after they named a vi Elictimzabeth Hassenback

(42)

Video of the 80-year-old lead singer of a punk band. Mosh pit usually a very conservative four mph with blinker left on

Mr. Blonde, AKA Michael Madsen, talks about the late Chris Penn, and looks back 15 years to cult classic "Reservoir Dogs"

(30)

George Clooney sitting on top of man poll. Not that there's anything wrong with that

NBC is wondering why its series "Studio 60" is not a runaway hit. This week's episode has two 50-year old people from Ohio that never heard of Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" routine

(45)

(animationblog)

And Pixar heard these words: "I. You shall not make dumb films. II. The ratio of films begun to films finished shall equal one. III. A chain of pop-culture references is not a script." And these words were kept, and it was good

Tue October 24, 2006:

# of Comments

Barbra Streisand's a bit paranoid, requires a police K-9 team to sweep arenas before she opens her 64-y-o trap

(81)

(Some Serious Guy)

Sirius radio is free tomorrow and the next day, so you don't have an excuse not to listen anymore. Here is a complete list of all the stuff they will be playing

(52)

Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards: "Blonde and Blonder"

Production company says it is developing new 'reality' shows that are really just one big, fat commercial after another

(Ballz.info)

The Sudden Disappearance Of Sutton Pierce

(12)

(TV.com)

Save the cheerleader. Get the ratings

(456)

Paris Hilton will party with you for only $100,000. Carmen Electra will do it for $50,000. Tough call

(61)

(Bayraider)

Get Megadeth's cowhide guitar on eBay. Sadly not made from actual cowhide, flayed from a virgin cow while chanting Satanic verses. That would be pretty RAWK, though

(17)

If you faxed your divorce papers to the Daily Mail, you probably haven't got grounds to sue them for the printing details

(5)

(Dose.ca)

Tom Cruise to marry zombie, robot bride Katie Holmes on Nov. 18, spaceship planned as transportation

NSA targeting fans of "CSI" and "Lost" as potential recruits, prefer applicants with backgrounds in computer science, engineering, experience with polar bears, smoke monsters a definite plus

Askmen's latest random top whatever list: Top 49 Men

(128)

Melissa Etheridge proud father of twins

Dolly Parton taking the twins on first European tour in nearly 30 years; new generation will just assume she's an old porn star

(15)

Good: Take-Two is paying $4.25 million for delivery of next PC game. Bad: It's Duke Nukem. Worse: They want it by December 31st

(54)

(Some 24 Geek)

Watch the season 6 trailer of "24" right here at 3pm EST

(56)

Jude Law and his hairpiece say that they have never had any confidence with women

(2)

The most significant science fiction & fantasy books of the last 50 years

(101)

(Some Blue Guy)

World of Warcraft expansion postponed until January '07. Six million geeks screamed in unison, and then there was silence

(72)

Dirty Dancing "Star Wars for girls". So who's Patrick Swayze - Luke or Yoda?

Rupert the Bear's look is updated, now wears a hoodie and iPod. His overt gayness, however, remains

Courtney Love admits she should've married Ed Norton. Trixie unavailable for comment

(32)

Survey says Paris Hilton should be killed off. Oh, uh, on film that is

Facial recognition software proves that Clinton looks better when he's getting jiggy with it, Barbara Streisand is an Ogre, and Lance Bass and the Teletubbies are one in the same

(75)

You know it's time to cancel "SNL" when guy who doesn't look, sound or act like Flavor Flav forced to imitate him because they fired the other black guy

(39)

(Some MILF Hunter)

Producers casting for "Hottest mom in America." With completely hittable pic and audio slideshow goodness

(99)

Will Smith in group trying to buy 76ers, wants to use older players with crappy lyrics

Mon October 23, 2006:

# of Comments

Courtney Love says she doesn't have parents. Parents don't disagree

(16)

Katie Holmes asks Giorgio Armani to design her wedding dress along with five different outfits in case Tom decides on the dress for himself

Lindsay Lohan's grandma says a boyfriend will solve all her problems; apparently doesn't read the tabloids

(zap2it)

After the success of his claymation show, Conan O'Brien to one up himself with an all-skeleton Halloween show. "This may be the finest hour of television NBC has ever produced... with skeletons"

(16)

(myfoxny.com)

Madonna to explain how to steal a kid on "Oprah" (somehow it'll be a man's fault)

Lindsay Lohan finally tires of stumbling around in a drunken haze, goes mobile in the Firecrotch Express

News: Dutch to send reinforcements to Iraq. Fark: They are Red Light District Prostitutes

(127)

(People Magazine)

"Harry Potter" star Daniel Radcliffe says fame makes dating tough. Apparently, all he can find are supermodels and hot actressess, poor guy

Heather Mills goes out cycling. The real news is that she didn't just go around and around in a circle. (Window seat, please.)