Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2006-10-22 23:59:59'

# of Comments

One of television's first MILFs, actress Jane Wyatt of "Father Knows Best" fame, passes away at age 96. Submitter would have hit it

(54)

Universal puts the ki-bosh on the Halo movie

Interview with Pink Box photog, on Japan's love hotels, no-panty cafés, and anime-costumed call girls. Your dog wants a peek. (Article SFW, site has Not safe for work content)

(37)

(Fametastic)

Jessica Simpson doesn't have a problem with her dad digging her boobies

(11)

Nick Carter says Paris Hilton stashes her pot inside her teddy bear when she travels; her really happy teddy bear

Harrison Ford says he's fit enough for "Indian Jones 4: Get Off my Lawn", provided they begin filming some time within the next decade

Funeral director realizes Anna Nicole Smith may be having trouble grasping the reality of her son's death when she asked at his graveside if she could take him home and give him a warm bath

The Grand Ole Opry celebrates 81 years of my dog got run over and my wife left me for my brother

Kate Moss reportedly pregnant with Pete Doherty's baby; apparently his arm isn't the only thing he can stick a needle in

Tom Cruise to attend gala opening of six-story Victorian Scientology headquarters in downtown London. Building rumored to have plenty of closets

Al Pacino to receive AFI lifetime achievement award, scream incoherently at audience

Summing up Friday's "Battlestar Galactica" in two words: HOLY CRAP

(40)

(Some really scared guy)

The new argument for abortion: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock want to procreate

(AllYourTV.com)

Network executives getting a good lesson on volume displacement as Rosie O'Donnell continues to displace other View co-hosts

Keith Urban sent back into rehab after he was found barely conscious on the floor, muttering, "I married who?"

Hollywood out of ideas. Here comes the fifth "Highlander" movie. Producers clearly unfamiliar with the motto of the immortals

John Oliver, Senior European Courrespondouent for "The Daily Show" claims that many Americans do have a sense of irony

(4)

(TV Squad)

"The Daily Show" mocks America's obesity problem by noting Jimmy Dean product Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick. Americans quickly flood the company concerning where Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick can be found in stores

(TV Squad)

"Nick News" to examine the decline of public discourse in American politics. With special appearances by Chris Matthews, Al Franken, and Ann Coulter as examples for the kids. The really, really slow kids

(Edmonton Sun)

Over twenty years later, Weird Al is more popular than ever and has outlasted most of the acts he's spoofed

(Some Farter)

Natalie Portman says that dreams are basically, like, the farts of the mind

(19)

Rod Stewart thinks he could have nailed Paris Hilton

(soundslam)

Jermaine Dupri blames Virgin Records for Janet Jackson's recent bout of suckiness

Sat October 21, 2006:

(Shelbyville Times-gazette)

# of Comments

I kicked Bono in the nuts

(29)

Police find stolen cows on Ahsley Judd's property

(PanAsianBiz)

Zhang Ziyi Wants to be an American Wild Girl

Terry Jones diagnosed with bowel cancer. BBC censors change it to 'gangrene'

(72)

My Chemical Romance singer was, “cutting myself open and taking all the parts out" while recording Welcome to the Black Parade. In other news, bands now promoting depression to sell records

(53)

MTV to launch new broadband service. Video killed the radio star, but MTV is killing music in general

Naughty Kayla, a blind phone sex operator from Knob Noster, claims ad photos are deceiving. Also says some people “just wanted to talk.”

(55)

The Ten Commandments: If it were written for teenage girls (audio slightly Not safe for work)

(Akron Beacon Journal)

Transsexual Neo-Nazi to get a new hearing in 23-year-old death sentence, appearence on Springer for sweeps month almost certain now

(3)

(NY Daily News)

Claudia Schiffer says today's models need sammiches; "They are way too thin. It is only bones that stick out"

Kylie makes a brilliant career move by enlisting Boy George as her songwriter

(FaceOfChampCar)

Meet Miss Indy 2006. Fairly SFW

(3)

(Gilmore Guy)

This gallery of women of The CW is SWF, but still A-OK

(27)

Fri October 20, 2006:

# of Comments

Rejected children's books

(15)

The best Guitar Hero video. Ever

(40)

Meat Loaf punk’d during press conference. Fake reporter asks “Have you ever eaten your own feces?” [Luckily submitter caught it all on tape]

"Indiana Jones 4" enters its 10th year of pre-production. Trailer to be released on "Duke Nukem Forever" DVD

After a 1000-year hiatus, Vikings are occupying Newfoundland once again, although it's doubtful that anyone will notice

(12)

(Some Wanker)

Today's daily abuse from Noel Gallagher is directed at the Australian national soccer team: "football is the game of the intelligentsia and you are shiat at it"

(Disney Shopping.com)

Marilyn Manson makes a guest appearance on offical, Disney licensed soundtrack. (yes, DISNEY)

(39)

Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey are not lovers, just friends and having a ball

Shanna Moakler offers Paris Hilton a peace offering ... her sloppy seconds

Accordion player wins Latin MTV award. Yes, you read that correctly

(A Socialite's Life)

Actress Kate Hudson looking to buy a house in Malibu for her ex, despite the great success of the recent Black Crowes tour of Applebees in the Midwest

(12)

Your once-dominant reality show is sagging in the ratings. So, what do you do? How about a vicious, hair-pulling catfight between two female contestants? Yeah, that should work

(30)

"American Idol" judge Simon Cowell may release his own fragrance, which is distilled from the crazy sweat scraped from Paula Abdul's chair

(6)

"Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk, and kill. There is no chin under the Chuck Norris beard, just another fist. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands: They are now known as "The Islands'"

(86)

(people.com)

Courtney Love is sober. (funny all by itself)

(Snoop Doggy Dog)

Calvin "Snoop Dogg" Broadus turns 35 today, apparantly seen sippin' on gin and juice in his huge hizzle in celebration. Submitter wants to be that pimp when he grows up fo' sheezay

Singer Tom Jones to fight Mike Tyson in charity event. What could possibly go wrong?

(31)

Stephen King's "Skeleton Crew" classic 'The Mist' finally coming to the big screen

(59)

Gootube deletes 29,549 clips of weird-ass game shows

(34)

(Bellsouth.net)

Bob Seger, Anita Baker booked to sing for first two games of World Series. As if country hasn't suffered enough by having Detroit make it to championship

(47)

Universal and Fox pull out of Halo movie over budget concerns

(41)

(Oscar Watch)

For your consideration - Sacha Baron Cohen, Best Actor Academy Award nominee for Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Hey, why the Hell not?

(37)

NBC cuts Madonna's "mirrored crucifixion" stunt from concert. No word on whether it was preempted by tonight's brutal murder and incest story courtesy of Law & Order: SVU

(31)

Wesley Snipes' latest movie project just happens to be in a country without an extradition treaty with the U.S

George Michael, sparkin' up on British TV, claims cannabis keeps him sane; this means he wasn't smoking when he decided to reunite with Andrew Ridgeley or met strangers in public rest rooms

(4)

TR Knight of Grey's Anatomy comes out of the closet. Will now be known as Dr. McButtsecks

(38)

(music outfitters.com)

It was twenty years ago today, this was the list of jams to play. But when you see the seventh song, you'll wonder "WTF went wrong"

(102)

Fraggle Rock feature film is in the works. The Doozers unavailable for comment because they can't speak

(37)

Her Stepford transformation complete, Nicole Kidman says even THINKING about sex with others is bad

(43)

From today's "Why Bother?" file: Terminator 4 to be made with out Ahnold

(42)

Thu October 19, 2006:

# of Comments

Three's a crowd. Denise Richards, Charlie Sheen and his new girlfriend attend fall festival together

"Grey's Anatomy" will explore the theoretical danger of people with genital piercings getting stuck together

(115)

(EW)

Wacky "Lost" theory of the week: Island is secret laboratory focused on accelerating human evolution to create superpowered characters on "Heroes" (second item). Turns out its not that far-fetched

Has anyone else noticed Ivanka Trump's rack lately? DAMN (sfw)

It's that time of year again: Making of "Saw IV" getting underway

(30)

Marvel Comics plans to unveil their new superhero on the CBS soap opera "Guiding Light"; no word on whether the character is male or female, but Susan Lucci starts writing concession speech anyway

(13)

Sofia Coppola expecting a girl. No word on who will be the Godfather

(28)

Justin Timberlake rocks CBS' Victoria's Secret show, looks great in animal print lingerie

(Bumpshack)

K-Mart's Martha Stewart and Kathy Ireland collections have lost out to Armani for the honors of designing Scientologist bride Katie Holmes' wedding dress

(11)

Sporty Spice thinks she's pregnant with Eddie Murphy's twins. You dare question the medical credentials of someone named Sporty Spice?

(30)

Pete Townshend, who has been around since Hell was a campfire, says aging rockers shouldn't tour

(The Superficial)

Scientology and Tom Cruise have used e-meters to successfully remove Katie Holmes' ass (SFW)

(39)

Country singer who cashed in on 9/11 with No. 1 country hit "Have You Forgotten?" now cashing in with song that mourns the war. Freedom costs a buck oh-five

(44)

"Melrose Place" actress has a baby. In other news, actors from "Melrose Place" are still making headlines

(Some Idiot-rag)

Reality TV "star" admits relationship with fellow contestant was a publicity stunt. In other news, bear admits penchant for forest-based defecation

Japanese game: "Fart Contest." Answer the questions right, or else

(Cinemax)

Cinemax disrupts its normally scheduled weekend of titty movies to bring all six Star Wars movies, back-to-back and in HD, starting November 10th

Genesis to tour without Phil Collins

Pete Doherty doesn't like being needled by Jack Osbourne over Kate Moss, wants to smack the tar out of him, no matter who his poppy is

Straight man wins Bravo's "Project Runway"

(48)

(Rolling Stone)

Good news: GnR* album "Chinese Democracy" described as mind-blowing, badass, killer, grand, epic; bad news: that's the opinion of Sebastian Bach

(33)

GWAR on The Joan Rivers Show 1990

(ABC local)

You don't remember any of your high school teachers or even what you had for lunch on Monday, but odds are you remember the theme song to "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." Here comes the science

(78)

TV theme songs are going the way of the dodo

(47)

Not content with women's clothing offerings in size 0, designers prepare "subzero" offerings

(50)

Prince Harry dating the UK’s version of Jessica Simpson. At least she's hot (with pic)

Cookie Mongoloid: Speed metal band dedicated to playing Sesame Street covers. Oscar prefers Cannibal Corpse

Wed October 18, 2006:

# of Comments

(Radio & Records)

Looking to emulate the success of Air America, new liberal talk radio network to begin broadcasting at end of month

(38)

Celebrities, such as Steve Carrel, pick the scariest movies ever. It turns out celebrities are total wusses

(91)

Official "Lost" 3.3 discussion thread. Featuring the return of badass John Locke, and about damn time too

(312)

Paul McCartney hates landmines, but his wife says he was totally okay with choking her (while pregnant) and trying to shiv her with a broken wine glass

(41)

(Rolling Stone)

Pete Townsend explains why it's taken 24 years to make a new Who album

(44)

Whitney Houston files for divorce, cites lack of understanding, crack

(Bayraider)

Buy Gob's screen-used Segway from "Arrested Development." He did a chicken dance on it in one episode. Now you can too

(35)

(WND)

Marilyn Monroe was talking on the telephone to Louise DiMaggio when she was murdered and was able to utter the name of her attacker before her death

(66)

Samuel L. Jackson is God in new audio Bible. So much for the motherfarkin' snake in the motherfarkin' garden

(96)

Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones and Michael Palin attend the London premiere of Spamalot. John Cleese was away on location in Australia. Graham Chapman still stone dead

Britney Spears holding contest where fan who sells the most K-Fed albums gets to attend their Halloween party

(135)

(Some One Legged Liar)

Heather Mills claims Paul McCartney beat her with her prosthetic leg after doing her best Yoko impersonation

(46)

(Zap2It)

WWE signs deal with Harvey and Bob Weinstein to distribute all future DVD releases

(12)

(Rolling Stone)

The Passion of the Mel: Courtney Love claims Mel Gibson is her personal savior, and her life turned around after he snuck into her hotel room to counsel her; his life, not so much

Original "Gilligan's Island" pilot theme song. It's like viewing bizarro universe TV

(75)

Naomi Watts reportedly on tap to star in a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds"

(CHUD)

Director of "Iron Man" turns to MySpace to cast female lead

Auction for a "Day with Paula Abdul" ends after receiving exactly zero bids

Hulk Hogan's daughter bumped from cover of Prom magazine because of bikini photo shoot she did for FHM. "We don't feel up to taking thousands of telephone calls from the upset mothers of our young promers," magazine explains

"Lost" masterminds talk about learning from mistakes of "Twin Peaks" and "X-Files," and why Jack survived Episode One

(CHUD)

Hugh Jackman thinks his new movie will incite critics to fistfights

Tue October 17, 2006:

# of Comments

Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice to have a scary baby; first words expected to be "goonie goo goo zigga zigga ah"

"Battlestar Galactica" honcho Ron Moore refuses to make any more Webisodes after NBC refuses to pay or credit writers

(35)

Humane Society approves of Bobcat Goldthwaite movie, certifies that no dogs were injured or given blowjobs during filming

If you saw Pete Best and said "Hi, Pete," you would have said more to him than John, Paul, George and Ringo combined said to him since they kicked him out of the Beatles

(27)

(Soul Kerfuffle)

Essay by man who was a council member on one of the oldest guilds in World of Warcraft explains why he quit the game after a year of near-constant playing

(99)

"Evil Dead: The Musical." Seriously

"The Monster Squad," a classic 80s movie that deserves the same recognition as "The Goonies"

(52)

Theatre group in Britain reveals cunning plan: Blackadder coming to the stage for the first time

Finally, a trend among celebrities that isn't a cult: Britney Spears to adopt her very own African child

(42)

MTV offers 15,000 music videos online to gain foothold in Chinese market. Once established, schedule will revert to one Jay-Z video and 14,999 episodes of "Pimp My Bicycle"

"Testicle Festival" descends on Ft. Myers

(60)

Jennifer Aniston blames her larger boobs on cheese. Behold the power of cheese

(40)

Jackie Chan complains that American movie studies have too many safety rules for stunts and stifle his creativity. Your U.S. action "hero" wants a helmet, stunt double and a half-caf mocha latte with cinnamon

Fox and "24" creator Joel Surnow developing late night conservative alternative to "The Daily Show"

(68)

Wesley Snipes indicted for tax fraud, which is punishable by cryogenically freezing until 2032

(135)

(Radio & Records)

CBS chairman Sumner Redstone blasts the FCC, claiming it has allowed "a few people hijack the commission's agenda" by complaining about shows they've never watched, like most of CBS's new fall schedule

Evangeline Lilly: "I'll never do nudity"

(48)

Lindsay Lohan discovers that paparazzi aren't the only ones hounding her on the red carpet -- it's a good place to serve her a subpoena, too (with pic)

(13)

Thom Yorke upset that rock tours are so wasteful, claims he may quit touring for the sake of the environment, good taste

(NY Daily News)

George Clooney roasted, finally admits his man-crush on Matt Damon. Julia Roberts says, "You're cute and funny and you do wacky things with shaving cream and Neosporin"

(3)

K-Fed gets owned by John Cena in wrestling ring. For the first time, non-wrestling fans are wishing it was real

(26)

Oliver Stone's new film sets sights on Osama bin Laden. So at the very least we've got a film going after him, then, which is nice

(6)

Mon October 16, 2006:

# of Comments

Ten great American TV series

(71)

Jack Osbourne says he'd "gladly kick the shiat out of Aaron Carter." Lamar Thomas unavailable for comment

(celeb slap)

Britney Spears is out of bed and looking a lot better ever since she dumped Cletus

(TeenMusic.com)

The Sugababes have been named the most popular female musical act of the entire century. Who?

Stooges recording new music for the first time in 33 years. Early reports say that Curly's guitar work is awesome, Moe's vocals are a little ragged

(27)

Bindi Irwin follows in her dad's footsteps, starts filming her own wildlife-themed TV show. First episode: "101 Recipes for Stingray"